Bald-is-Awesome!, O-01-99, T-09-86 & Yesod
Hi. It's been a while, so I will introduce myself again. My name is Lin, aka the most adorable employee of L Corp. Some nonsensical edge-lord calls me pink demon, but don't listen to them. I am a cutie.
[Redacted], [Omitted], [Profanity]. These are my best friends.
That's right. The Information Team deals with the expunging and managing data. At the ASIYAH layer, the Inspector hogs most of the glory and renown, but our contribution is key to their success. We deploy the clerk teams to research the abnormalities, complete the detailed profiles and compel sensible entries for each, so that the manager can get a taste for what we experience down here.
As you might expect, our job is vital. A single error in the transcription of the data can lead to a huge catastrophe. For example, if I write 'everyone can work with O-05-30' instead of 'if employees with Fortitude level 4 or higher or Temperance level 2 or lower attempt to work with Singing Machine, they will jump inside the meat grinder', then the abnormality would keep producing music by grinding people bodies and causing other employees to murder each other in order to sacrifice them to keep listening to the music it makes when it eats human flesh.
In that regard, if the Control Team are the ones who enforce the rules, we are the one who set them.
"Them… Themselves?"
"Ves… Vestigial."
"Almost."
"Mostly."
"Lyre."
"Respect."
"Pectoral."
"Rally."
"Liwe."
"What even is that?"
"Don't you know? It's one of the regions of a phone game I play a lot."
We… We really love Chain Words. It keeps us lively as we process all the documents in need of expunging. Muttering 'weapon' after a yawn, I took a look at the report made the day before.
A bald employee named Bill had an accident at the Singing Machine. That alone means bad news, considering Control will have to enforce a close inspection on the mental health of the Central Teams A and B. On top of it, a new abnormality was born from that incident. It really makes you wonder, what are abnormalities? Where do they come from?
I once muttered that question to myself. [DATA EXPUNGED] had a very interesting thing to say. Well, they didn't say anything. They just pointed at their head. Day by day, me and Ekpmephtil worry about their mental health. Them and Kickass are the employees who have suffered the most at the hands of abnormalities.
Somehow, that made me feel… unsatisfied. There must be more to the things I can contribute to this facility. Am I destined to be some background character despite being a team captain? Are Martin and I just… decoration?
I closed my diary and rested my eyes.
Déjà vu. I know this place. I have been here before. The higher the stakes, the more intense the feeling. And every veteran could tell… today was going to be one of 'those days'.
Martin and I placed bets on who the next melting Sephirah would be, but we never saw it coming. I mean, Yesod had to be the most stable rationalist inside the whole facility! Why would he ever go berserk?
Martin hid behind my back.
The dark bandages that used to cover Yesod's chassis squeezed their shape, growing upwards as if they wanted to recreate a tree. From within, a sickening brown substance leaked as it were condensed virulent pus and melting meat. The 'tree branches' held parts of its robotic body. The purple digital eye remained at the middle of the trunk, peeking through the pus and the flesh.
"What are you doing, Yesod?"
His eye found me. I knew it. Even though he was breaking apart, his strong mind still held pieces of his sanity.
My core is suffering a meltdown. I will get in your way today. Know that this is not personal… at least, not against you.
I picked Martin from behind me and rested my arm over their shoulders.
"We are the Information Team, but we don't even know the criteria used to expunge data from the records. Although we should be the ones who know the most, we are quite ignorant. That being said! We will go on strike if you don't share with us something good once we suppress your core. That's our rule for you."
"I-If you don't mind, sir Yesod."
"No, Martin, EVEN if he minds. Rules are there to be followed, not to be enjoyed! Ugh! What were you thinking?"
"True that. Rules suck, haha."
Our Sephirah extended their tentacle limbs towards the ceiling and perforated through the metal plates.
You will not be able to discern anything properly.
A screen filter later, our vision became pixelated. Chaos ensued. People freaked out by the sudden change, but the leaders of the departments made a collective effort to regain control of the situation.
Unlike last time, we grouped up at Central's Main Room. It was… unsettling to discuss our strategy for the day in front of our adversary.
"What's our approach?"
Although I was the one to inquiry the Inspector, they just shrugged and returned the question back to me.
"What should our approach be, Lin?"
"You're Information's leader. You know Yesod much better than any of us."
Ekpmephtil was right, but I was still paralyzed. Why was the prominence suddenly on me? I was just an above-the-average cute employee who also had some acquired talent to deal with abnormalities, not a strategist. I only knew how to process information and transcribe data.
Hold on.
"Has anyone noticed if Yesod is doing anything else other than disrupting our vision?"
Pixelated confused looks were exchanged.
"Then our only concern is our level of preparedness. How well do we know our abnormalities? How well do we remember the managerial tips? I hope you have learnt the Inspector's and Zero's notes by heart, because this is the moment that will be put to test."
"What do you mean?" A fresh employee from Central B asked.
"Try checking out the abnormalities' official reports in your standard issue information tablets."
With our pixelated vision, there was no way we were making out anything clear.
"Unlike Malkuth, Yesod will not get in our way during work. He will just check how well we exercise our rationality and our capability to remember our training. So, we just need to complete the day like any other normal day. Fill the energy quota and reach a high level of Qliphoth Meltdown."
"Is it really that easy?"
"Bold of you to assume this means today is going to be easy. How many of you check the reports or the tips before entering a containment unit?"
Many pixel hands rose.
"How many of you have gone through the trouble to memorize its contents."
Ekpmephtil, Gregory, Zero and another employee who had too much free time. Besides everyone in Information and those few employees, nobody had a reliable understanding of the abno's particularities. I was honestly surprised by edge-lord's diligence, and I didn't expect anything else from Ekpmephtil and Kickass –for the better or the worse, accordingly–, but…
"How come you haven't, Inspector?"
"I usually follow my gut."
I grumbled.
"Everyone, please don't follow this absurd person's steps. Unless you possess their irritatingly natural talent to deal with abnormalities, you should properly follow your training and stick to the official methodology. Guts are not reliable."
"True." The Inspector attested.
"Rules are, so stick to them. Since most of you have neglected your studies, we will stablish a temporary chain of information. The Information Team, who will set camp at Central, will give out instructions with our voices. Whenever the manager gives you work, request the intel needed to our proxies and we will deliver it. Our top priorities-"
A distant horn boomed through the facility. Suddenly, a rusted train phased through the walls of the Main Room and tackled the thick of our forces, including myself. The eye at the front of the locomotive crushed my body, but I didn't die immediately. Instead, my soul exited my mortal husk and became a bluish ghost, along with the many other employees who perished. Then, cadaverous arms took hold of the ghosts and forced us inside the rusty train that kept moving across the facility. The interior had demons of all kinds: two-headed black goats, mouth abominations, tentacle bulbs, parasite eggs…
After the train phased through the other end of the Main Room, we gained the ability to see through the stone. The souls of my coworkers started being toyed with and consumed by the demons. I tried to jump through the window, but one of the skeleton arms restrained me. From there, I could see an orange portal open before the train. Next stop: hell.
"Whenever the manager gives you work, request the intel needed to our proxies and we will deliver it. Our top priorities-"
A distant horn boomed through the facility. Suddenly, a rusted train phased though the walls of the Main Room and ran over the clerks on the lower levels. Screams, cries and maniacal laughter could be heard from within the hellish carriage. Once it was gone and only an uncomfortable silence could be heard, the first of us to react was the Inspector, who hummed some of their creepy tunes.
"Our top priorities are finding out what that was and learn how to keep it in check. Can I task you with that, Inspector?"
"Sure. I'll bring my apprentice along. One each, okay?"
Everyone laughed as I blushed. I wasn't really ready to do something as incredible as my teacher, but the antecedent with Singing Machine taught me that even low-level unsecure employees like me have things only they can do!
A white weird orb and a creepy looking cage-like structure. The benefit of being the apprentice is that my master allows me to choose which to enter first. So I obviously chose the safer one.
The orb had some symbols, half covered by black. If that was some Yin Yan kind of deal, this one's danger level may be unexpectedly high, but anything was better than the abno the Inspector was tackling.
My consciousness took a tiny hit.
Black damage.
And another. And again, and again, and it continued like that. After a while, a sudden realization flooded my mind.
"Why don't I shave my head?"
So I did just that. After ridding myself of that burden, I reentered the chamber so proudly present the abnormality that enlightened me my wonderfully bald head.
Oddly, few times in my life had I felt prouder than at that moment. Bald is awesome!
Express Train to Hell. The clerk inside gives tickets. According to them, the train departs when nobody requests a ticket for long periods of time.
A single visit was not enough to gather all the information possible from the abnormality tool T-09-86. Since Zero wasn't finished yet, I went back in to continue the inspection.
The big cage-like structure that resembled a ticket station booth certainly belong to 'hell'. The base was made of skulls and rocks. Beyond the bars, two shiny yellow eyes glinted from the darkness, awaiting the arrival of customers.
After exactly 30 seconds, one of the lights of the four squares turn on. After I was given a ticket, it turned off. I noticed a minor healing to HP and SP.
30 seconds after the first light turned on, the second one followed. The healing factor increased.
When I picked a three tokens, the amount of healing reduced, but I could feel something else. Further tests are required.
When I picked four tokens, a similarly intriguing healing effect occurred. Wouldn't it make more sense if the healing amount kept increasing? Where did that increase go to? If I had to make a guess, I'd say to the other employees in the department… and maybe even the entire facility?
If so, this abnormality is incredibly useful… if utterly bothersome. –Inspector
When I exited the chamber, I calculated the amount of time I had until the train passed through the corporation again. I noticed a bald person pasting many papers onto the wall next to mine.
BALD IS AWESOME!
If you become bald, you can save time because you don't have to wash and dry your hair anymore, allowing you to be richer than others.
The bald don't have to worry about hair loss!
Bald people can even reflect light off their head and blind their opponents like a solar flare! –Zero
"Maybe Krillin, but I bet that would be actually difficult to pull off outside fiction. Besides, if you had a light powerful enough to blind someone, wouldn't you just point it at them ?"
"I see! It seems I will have to keep working on techniques with this one."
"Also, do you realize people will now call you Zero because you have 'zero hair'?"
"That's great! I love it!"
I grabbed their arm and shoved them against a wall with hostility, attempting to check whether they were mind-controlled by an abnormality or not. They just shrunk and cowered from my sudden assault. Such fear couldn't be easily faked.
"Come. We need to keep purchasing tickets." I dragged Zero inside the train station. "Why did you shave your hair?"
"Er… because it's cool?"
I picked a pixelated token.
"Do you remember your disposition toward baldness before entering your containment unit?"
"Now that you mention it… I didn't really care. It was just another hairstyle, but now I have realized how cool it actually is."
"Then what? Do you feel compelled to force everyone into shaving their hair? Maybe peel off their skin while you're at it?"
"Whaat? No! I would never do something like that! The abno just made me feel like shaving my own hair. After I did that, the success rate improved a lot."
I picked a ticket again.
"You do notice your mind was tampered with, don't you? You should know, better than most, how dangerous abnormalities like that are."
"I… I know, Inspector, but this one is not like Singing Machine, I promise. It only made me shave my hair. After the fact, I was so shocked by my actions that I started looking for positive things to say about my new hairstyle… I mean, the lack of it… I'm sorry."
I rubbed their newly shaved head and picked another ticket.
"It's okay. I will neutralize you if I detect you proactively trying to make other join a baldness cult or something like, so don't hold it against me. It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I also trust in the riskiness of the unknown."
"…The riskiness of the unknown…"
Zero was cute whenever they repeated my words with that fascinated expression of theirs. One day, though, they would surpass me and leave me behind. Such a lonely thought!
"Now that it's settled, stay here and keep asking this clerk to give you tickets whenever you see a light turning on there. I will turn in our reports to the temporary Information Team and will bring a lower level employee to take over you."
When I saw Bald-is-Awesome!'s ID, I concluded it had to be some type of glitch caused by Yesod's Meltdown. After receiving the inspecting team's report and seeing Zero's new look, however, I knew better that to underestimate silly-looking abnos. I would die if I shaved my pretty and glossy hair!
…Really, what are abnormalities?
The incident with Queen of Hate motivated us to come up with a contingency plan whenever anxiety pushed her over the edge. Every single employee would stay at the same place. If the Inspector failed to cheer her up, we would be ready to gang up on her with every EGO armory we could muster. After all, the queen teleported away to wherever an employee could be found. If everyone was together, we could freely choose where we would fight her.
Let's just say… [DATA EXPUNGED] told me about one experiment they did with one of their abnos… It happens that Punishing Bird had its uses.
Yeah. I was pretty proud of our plan. Just feed the Punishing Bird to your problems and they will be solved. Haha. The tricky part was predicting when the bird would breach and luring it to the required location.
No contingency plan could have prepared us against the ritual.
Four simultaneous breaches of WAW level abnormalities! Magical Girl mayhem! Although they forcibly escaped their containment units, none of them morphed into their usual monstrous shapes.
"Er… is there a magical girl convention you desperately need to attend together or…?"
The line-up of girls in front of me didn't react to my bad joke. Instead, they stared at a certain point of nothingness at the middle of Central Main Room.
Then we heard it. A sad laughter.
Hey, someone cracked up at my joke!
Wait, no. That was not your usual silly giggle. Oh, no. Have I ever mentioned I hate clowns? When I was a small child, I got lost on the outer area of the City. There I found a red circus. The weird guy who kept saying completely contradictory things scared me to death. I ran for my life… and I probably did the right thing.
A monochromatic clown appeared out of nowhere, nonchalantly teleporting in.
The magic girls prepared to battle. Queen of Hate started chanting her major arcana attack. Meanwhile, King of Greed, the dark skinned girl of golden dress, white hair and green eyes, summoned a huge gold gauntlet in her dominant hand and threw herself at the clown with incredible speed. Whenever she punched them into air, she would teleport through a magic circle and punch them back to the ground.
Truly a spine chilling sight.
The rally continued until Servant of Wrath finished preparing a huge bubble of dangerous green acid above the air.
I immediately commanded everyone to evacuate the room. A single drop of that thing could kill us!
King of Greed punched the monochromatic clown into the bubble. The tremors ruined its stability, threatening to fall onto Servant of Wrath. Fortunately, her fast older sister rescued her in time. Once the sphere of acid melted every platform until it reached the floor, the semi-digested clown twitched a little and wondered who the cyan-haired lady next to them was.
It didn't find out in time before a barrage of thin blades captured it against the ground.
"ARCANA SLAVE!"
The laser smashed into the clown, tearing it into smithereens.
Puffing and huffing, the magical girls shared a nervous look.
"It's back!" I shouted.
An intact dark clown appeared behind the girls and touched them, trapping each of them inside a prison of their own.
Petrified Hate, Ossified Despair, Fossilized Greed and Lapidified Wrath.
"Did this really have to happen today of all days? I can't see shit with all these pixels! How am I meant to gather any useful data like this?!"
"That was intense! I'm happy!"
"Hey! You were making so much noise down here I had to come and take a look. What did you do this time, pink demon?"
"Hi, Greg! You missed something incredibly happy! Wait, happily incredible?"
"Hey, Greg. This wasn't Lin's fault, though. Nobody could see this one coming." Ekpmephtil defended. "What we should worry about is that clown… It defeated four WAW level threats on its own. It must be an ALEPH grade entity."
Honestly, if those four girls failed to beat it, what chances did we have against it?
"I'm happy, but, who is that baldy down there?"
The others hadn't seen Zero's new look yet.
"No! Snap out of it! You can't-!"
Before the panicking Zero could raise their weapon, the clown turned into a dark mist and surrounded them. They coughed and struggled in vain. Once it was over, monochromatic clown clothes appeared over their body and their skin turned grey. A white dented mask covered their face and a clown hat –half white, half black– landed atop their bald head.
And that was it. Nothing else happened. The Joker stood still as if they were waiting for something to happen. The Inspector approaching them, staff in hand, wasn't it.
I clenched my fist and started descending the stairs to go down there. If the battle was going to resume, we had to support our best fighter. I requested Martin to move everyone to the upper floor and continue the chain of information to help gathering the energy from the ASIYAH abnormalities. This was a race against of time.
The Inspector waved at us. Carefully, approached them. It was showtime.
The monochromatic clown didn't react to our presence in the very least. None of us were ballsy enough to engage first anyway, so the heavy and tense silence continued. One of us hated that silence, so they didn't hesitate to break it.
"Good news, everyone. Zero is still alive, er, just not conscious. Whatever that ritual was… well, it's not over yet."
"How do you know that, captain?"
"I don't know it. It's a feeling I get from this abno's silence."
"The fuck is that shit?!" Greg snapped.
"It's like when you see the sky and realize 'ah, it's blue'."
"Hahaha! You never make sense!" Kickass chimed in.
None of them realized how the Inspector worded their announcement.
"And the bad news?"
"Ah, no. No bad news, Lin. The pixelated show from before was merely the first act. The show must continue until all returns to nothing."
"Now, in English."
"My bad. It's simple. Just like Zero got absorbed by the Joker of Nihil, we need to be absorbed by the magic girls."
"No fucking way…"
"I'm haaappyyyyy!"
Not losing a moment, Kickass embraced the fossilized greed. The amber statue turned into a mist that surrounded them. A happy soundtrack sounded inside our minds as they transformed into the Magical Girl of Happiness. Her violent smirk surprised us.
"What are you waiting for? We don't have all day! The clown could attack any moment now! Summon my sisters!"
Obediently, we forced Greg into touching the petrified hate. While Magical Girl of Love made her transformation cutscene, I picked the ossified despair. It felt appropriate. My consciousness faded and I turned into the avatar of Justice.
"If things go south, we'll be counting on you, captain!"
I nodded and Ek proceeded to become the Magical Girl of Courage. I wish I could describe the battle that ensued afterwards, but thanks to Yesod's unfortunate visual filter, everything was pixelated beyond comprehension.
What a pity!
No, seriously, don't get mad at me. I tried spectating the intense fighting, but the colors suddenly got saturated and it became much more difficult to move around. Worse of all, the platforms of Central were collapsing and the employees still hadn't evacuated the area.
I rushed around, picked up clerks and employees and carried them to the elevator. Their instructions were to continue working. The day would finish if we reached the energy quota and the Qliphoth Counter 6. If things went south with the magic show, we could attempt to forcefully finish the day.
I picked up two squared metal boxes. One had a ribbon.
"Get your hands off me!"
"Oh! Hi, [Confidential ID]."
"Deal with it for a while, Tiphereths. I'm taking you out of this battlefield. You may hate the ASIYAH level, but it's way better than this place right now."
"They have a point, Tiphereth. We may be broken if we stay here."
"You're not taking me away from my BRIAH level! Unhand me!"
"Once the commotion is over, I'll escort you back here myself! How about that?"
As expected, the robot punched my face, but their strength was so meager it was actually cute. Or was my Fortitude just that high? I had a hard time recognizing what was normal anymore.
The magical girl showdown was growing fiercer, so my conscience wouldn't allow myself to leave those child-like Sephirahs on their own. It was a great chance to teach them all the good aspects of ASIYAH, so I would give them a wonderful tour while hunting down whatever TETH or HE decided to mess things up!
Later, I remembered the poor soul I forgot at T-09-86 picking tickets each 30 seconds. Oops! Keep up the good work, buddy!
I swept the bits from All-Round Helper with my staff and continued the guidance.
"And, finally, this is the Information Department, famous for its noisy purple corridors and occasionally blood-painted floors. There also the gambling machine over T-09-97 unit, but it's mostly a waste of EGO. The benefits reset by the end of the day…"
"For the tenth time, [Confidential ID], we know! We've already been here multiple times! We are Central Command's Sephirah! Our mission is to make sure none of you ASIYAH clowns are lazing around!"
She could have worded that better. I faked a good humor for the most part, but all of my best friends were risking their lives at the very moment. Since the magic girls were on the 'side of justice', my concern mostly focused Zero, the one the clown possessed.
Tiphereth B gave his twin a little nudge.
"Is your impression of us that bad?" I mumbled.
"All of the Sephirahs up here are so shabby it hurts! Especially Netzach!"
"Fair enough. We are mediocre. Malkuth gets her documents mixed up and sends the wrong orders from time to time. She tries so hard at doing her best effort it actually hinders her. Still, she cares so deeply for everyone that I've come to respect her. She means well."
Me admitting our faults made her calm down.
"I don't care what she means. Your lives depend on us doing a good job. As long as they keep committing errors, I will never acknowledge them. Huh? What is it, Tiphereth?"
The quieter one of the Tiphs pointed their mechanical arm towards the Main Room's door. A spatial pulse distorted area around the door.
It was over.
Thanks to the ritual, we forgot all about the ordeals and rushed the day. The poor invaders got sucked into the chaos in Central. The meltdown was successfully suppressed and the pixelation and color saturation got fixed. That helped me notice the preoccupied expression the Tiphereths made, despite their harsh words towards the ASIYAH Sephirahs.
We rushed into the department's Main Room and found Yesod's robotic chassis retrieving its original form. I froze up.
"What's wrong, [Confidential ID]?"
"Nothing." I lied.
A blue-haired man's ethereal body clearly appeared over Yesod's metallic husk. Our eyes met.
I noticed Lin's diary on the ground. The trembling of the fight caused it to fall. I saw the question on the currently opened page.
What are abnormalities?
Too many questions, so little answers. I wrote on my spent notebook my own ponderings.
What were the Sephirahs? Who were the people I saw next to Malkuth and Yesod? What is Angela's goal? What is Lobotomy Corporation's purpose?
"Aaaaargh!"
A sudden pain crushed my head. My mind was about to tear into pieces. From the seams, I managed to see something.
Light.
An invisible force knocked my head, stealing me of my consciousness.
