Disclaimer: You know the drill - if you recognize it it isn't mine! Now Enjoy!


April - May 1994

The beginning of April brought with it a change in the weather and more than a few surprises. The least surprising of which was Hermione punching one Draco Malfoy in the face for gloating about Buckbeak being sentenced to execution. No far beyond that in the surprise factor was Hermione first messing up her carefully orchestrated time turnering schedule and missing cheering charms and not an hour later walking out of Divination.

"By Merlin I think I'm starting to rub off on you 'Mione! I am so proud," Ascella said with a grin, placing both her hands on Hermione's shoulders and giving her an affectionate shake once she heard about the Malfoy incident at supper that night. Hermione didn't throw off Ascella's embrace but she did send a glare over her shoulder at her.

Ascella herself was quite impressed with the mark Hermione had left on Malfoy's pointed face. It was still there the next day in Arithmacy.

"I'm surprised he didn't go to Madame Pomfrey to get it removed," a slightly embarrassed Hermione said when Ascella had laughingly pointed the mark out to her.

"Nah," Ascella answered as they took their seats. "Then he'd have to explain where he got it. And a git he may be but I doubt he wanted to explain that a girl gave it to him. Boys and their fragile ego's. Oy! Malfoy!" she called louder ignoring Hermione's squeak of protest. Her "cousin" looked up at her with his usual nasty sneer. And he wasn't the only one in their lesson to look up at her words either.

"Yes, Black?"

"Nice shiner you've got there! Get in a fight? Oh wait - " Ascella paused for dramatic affect. "That's right you got punched. By a girl. And that was right before you ran away. Bet you feel emasculated." Everyone in the lesson laughed.

"Why would you do that?" Hermione hissed at Ascella pulling her down.

"Because he's a git," Ascella said, resuming her seat and throwing Hermione off.

"But I thought you were a feminist - wasn't your argument a bit sexist?" Hermione continued hissing at her.

Ascella made a face at her friend.

"Of course I'm a feminist. But Malfoy's not. And I wasn't exactly going for equal rights just then - I wanted to embarrass him. Hence the sexist comment."

"Oh." Hermione looked away and fingered her quill. "Well you still shouldn't have said it! People listen to you and - "

"Look 'Mione," Ascella cut her friend off. "People that actually listen to me are morons - especially if they can't tell the difference between mockery and seriousness. No. End of -" she finished with a briskness Minnie would have been proud of.

Later that day Ascella was regretting her brisk tone when she learned that Hermione forgot to go to Charms and then walked out of her Divination lesson - in quite dramatic fashion too.

"'Mione, I've never been more proud of you," Ascella told her friend at dinner. "First you hit Malfoy, then you skivved a lesson - mind you I can't completely approve of the lesson you chose to skiv, but we can work on that - then you straight up told Trelawney! Everyone is talking about it!" Hermione flushed a faint pink but she still looked rather pleased - even Ron was looking at her in awe.

Shortly after were the Easter holiday's which weren't much of a holiday as the teacher's had assigned such large mounds of homework to the third years. Ascella hardly saw Harry he was so busy and as she couldn't be bothered with most of the assignments herself she instead spent the break in the NEWTs potions room. She was sure she was weeks away from achieving, if not a tasteful Wolfsbane potion, at least one that didn't make you want to spit it right back out the minute it touched your tongue. A fact Ascella proudly told Lupin in one of her many detentions (for some reason almost all of her detentions were with the young Defense professor - not that she was complaining , they got on famously).

"Oh really?" he asked with a spark in his eye. He smiled and filled her cup of tea up further.

"Yes! I really am close. Just you wait - it'll be the best thing ever."

"I am sure Andromeda will be very proud of you," Lupin said.

"wait - you know my guardian?" Ascella stopped up short at Lupin's casual use of Meda's name, looking up at her professor with suspicious eyes. Lupin for his part looked shaken - as if he'd misstepped somehow and given something away he shouldn't have.

"I - yes, well she was a bit older than me in school but everyone knew the Black's," Lupin tried to deflect her curiosity, a bead of sweat forming at his temple.

Ascella made a non believing "Mmmhmm," sound but let it drop - she supposed people were allowed their secrets. Didn't mean she wasn't going to ask Meda about it in her next letter though. As it was Lupin looked relieved when she went back to her "work" writing lines about how just because she was defending her friend (Harry) against the attacks from the Slytherin Quidditch team in lieu of the upcoming match that it didn't mean she could use magic against other students.

"Oh Ascella," Lupin called a couple hours later as she was making to leave. "I almost forgot to give this back to you."

Ascella turned to see Lupin bending down to open a drawer in his desk. He then pulled out a silver metal chain and attached to it - "My locket!" she said bounding forward and snatching the locket back. She caressed her thumb over the cool metal surface a bright smile on her lips. She turned her eyes up to Lupin and asked, "No curses? Jinxes?"

Lupin shook his head, eyes crinkling at the corners at her response. "None."

Delighted, Ascella bounced on her feet and quickly draped the necklace over her head, sighing with satisfaction as she felt the comfortable weight rest on her breast bone once more. She looked back up at her professor then.

"So, Black didn't send it to me then?"

Lupin hesitated before answering. And when he did he didn't meet her eye, his face turning to shadows. "It is hard to say. All of Marl-McKinnon's - " he tried to correct himself, "family was killed in the attack. I would've assumed she was buried with it. You are sure neither of your guardian's had it?"

Ascella shook her head. She'd asked them around the time she and Harry had first turned in the necklace. They hadn't even known Marlene had had a necklace such as this.

"Well who's to know," Lupin said reaching a hand out to rub her shoulder in a reassuring way. "Even if Black did send it - at least he didn't do it to hurt you - or Harry."

Ascella took a step back her face wrinkling up at his words.

"But that doesn't make sense. Why would he do something like that - something almost, almost loving," she asked - no demanded - her lip curling on the last word. Lupin just stared back at her his face unreadable but at least looking her in the eye.

"I don't know," he finally said.

"But that's not okay!" Ascella retorted her voice growing in volume. "There has to be a reason!"

"Ascella - " Lupin started trying to reach for her but she flinched out of his reach. Now was not a time for being touched. But more than anything Ascella wasn't looking for the placating words all adults in her life seemed to use when they tried to explain concepts of ambiguity they seemed to think children didn't understand. And Ascella didn't want to hear those - she just wanted answers but she wasn't going to get them here. Lupin had too many secrets and was too experienced with keeping them.

"Good night, professor," she said to cut off any further words from Lupin, ignoring the rather hurt look in his eye. "Thank you for the locket and I will see you in Defense." And she left, without waiting to hear if he responded.

Ascella was glad then of the upcoming Quidditch Cup final between Gryffindor and Slytherin - as it provided ample distraction from her continued thoughts and nightmares of a murderous father that somehow still could love.

Happily, Gryffindor won, Oliver Wood finally getting his coveted Quidditch Cup win - something they should have had ever since Harry joined the team as he drunkenly relayed to anyone and everyone who'd listen (and even those who wouldn't) later that night at the Gryffindor party in the common room, one arm around the trophy like it was his girlfriend, the other with a mug of drink in hand.

It was around this time that Ascella's nuisance of a fellow Ravenclaw, Lisa Turpin, decided to try and get revenge on Ascella for her many pranks on the annoying girl. Turpin tried to make the Gryffindor win of the Quidditch Cup Ascella's fault loudly proclaiming in Ancient Runes that if Ascella hadn't "cost us the match against Slytherin" then it would have been Ravenclaw in the running for Quidditch Cup instead of Slytherin.

"Oh," Ascella drew out the word with a mock conspiratorial tone. The room went quite waiting for Ascella's response. "So you didn't hear the real reason we lost the match? Turns out my bludger barely grazed Davies. It was actually because he caught sight of you in the stands - if you weren't such an ugly cow then he wouldn't have been so frightened, just frightened right off his broom."

The room that had gone quite then filled with mixed awe and evil chortles at what Ascella said - Turpin was not well liked. Even Zabini next to her couldn't help but let lose a snort of amusement. Encouraged by her classmates responses Ascella continued, her mocking tone fueling her mocking smile. "Besides, if you knew anything about Quidditch you'd know we would've needed more than a 300 point gain over Slytherin based on our results in the other matches - which you should note, I didn't play in - and even Davies has admitted we just weren't good enough to make up that ground, especially against Slytherin." All of which was true and something any self respecting Ravenclaw Quidditch fan knew - even the fans from other houses were nodding their agreement at her words.

Face red with rage and embarassment Turpin turned away much to Ascella's delight. And not a moment too soon for Professor Babbling walked through the door not a moment later to begin the lesson.

"Put her in her place," Zabini commented facing the front of the classroom as if he wasn't speaking to her. Ascella cocked an eyebrow as she surveyed his profile, a satisfied smile tugging at her lips. Was that a tone of approval in his voice she heard?

She airily flipped her hair over one shoulder and said, "All in a day's work, Zabini. All in a day's work."

Zabini made a noise like a quick chocked laugh. Ascella looked sharply at him, fast enough to not miss the slight twinkle of amusement in the one eye she could see.

"Why Zabini," Ascella exclaimed, her hand going to her breastbone and the locket that rested there. "If I didn't know better I'd say you were amused by me." Then she lowered the volume of her voice and leaned in as if to share a secret. "Are we becoming, dare I say it, but are we becoming friends?"

Zabini spun to face her so swiftly that Ascella had to sit back and cover her mouth lest her laughter draw Babbling's attention. "We are not friends." His intensity and quick denial had her bent almost double over her desk. Only Zabini would react such to the idea of having a friend.

"Uh huh," she said patting his shoulder, once she'd gotten control of herself, an action that only added to the strength of the disgust on his face. "Not friends at all." Zabini's scowl deepened and he refused to talk to her for almost two weeks. Despite that Ascella knew they were friend's of a sort - if begrudging ones.

May arrived then and with it brought a change in the weather - spring had finally arrived in all its warmth and joy. Unfortunately everyone else was too busy studying to want to enjoy it with Ascella. She could occasionally convince Aaron to come outside to study, but only occasionally as they usually just ended up chatting, their socks off and pants rolled up with their feet and toes tickling the water of the Great Lake. It was during one of these such hang outs, Ascella laying with her head in Aaron's lap soaking up the sun, her eyes half closed while he gently played with the ends of her hair, that Aaron brought up an unexpected subject.

"Ascella?" Aaron asked, his voice smaller and more serious than she was used to hearing, his hands stilling from their previous activity.

"Hmm," Ascella murmured, her eyes fluttering open to look up at her friend.

"Do you like Kevin?"

Ascella bolted up at the question, spinning to look at him. Of all the questions she'd expected him to ask it hadn't been that.

"Why would you ask that?" Ascella answered the question without really answering it. Aaron's hopeful face fell. He sighed deeply.

"You do. Padma was right."

"what's she got to do with this?" Ascella snapped. She was still more than a little annoyed at her friend for ignoring her without explanation for the past few months.

"Nothing!" Aaron hurried to calm his friend. "It's just - we were talking - you know we got close last year when Kev was - well when he was sick -" Aaron stumbled over how to describe what had happened to his best friend the previous year when he'd been petrified and he looked so innocent that Ascella felt her defensiveness fade away. She reached out her hand to his in comfort. His big blue eyes met hers then. This was her friend - who was suddenly moving much too close much too quickly, eyes closed and lips puckered. And Ascella was frozen. She could only watch, her eyes wide as he grew closer and closer until his puckered lips met hers -

Ascella jumped back like she'd been shocked. Had he just kissed her?

"Oh no! Ascella - Imsorryimsorryimsorry - " Ascella held up a hand to stop Aaron's rambling though she wasn't thinking much clearer than her friend. Wait - could you even still be friends after you'd touched lips? Ascella shook herself and berated herself to focus.

"Wha-what was that?" she asked. When Aaron's only response was to go more red, Ascella clarified, her voice pitched low. "Did you just try to kiss me?"

Aaron began wringing his hands and trying to look anywhere but directly at her.

"Um well, yes."

"Why?"

This time Aaron looked right at her, his expression telling her his answer should be obvious.

"'Cause I like you - as more than a friend!"

"But - like why?"

Aaron, it seemed, couldn't even form a response to that instead just staring at her, his mouth occasionally opening and closing as if trying to speak. Ascella decided then that she didn't really need, or want, his answer anyway.

"Nevermind - " she waved him off. "If you know I like Kevin why would you still try?"

Aaron shrugged. "I don't know. You were holding my hand and you just looked so pretty with the sunshine in your hair and the way it looked a little windswept and I just got overwhelmed. And maybe I thought - I don't know it's stupid clearly," he broke off looking away from her a blush high in his cheeks. Ascella had never seen this side of him. She couldn't help but find it - endearing.

"Do you really like me?" Aaron looked up with a hopeful intensity at her words that made Ascella blush. "I mean as more than a friend?"

Slowly, Aaron nodded as if unsure if her questions were good things.

"And Kevin really likes that stuffy Hufflepuff, doesn't he?"

Again Aaron nodded.

"Well - I don't know if I like you - but we could - I don't know, maybe try that kiss thing again..." Ascella trailed off feeling her cheeks heat up at just the thought. "You know - just to make sure feelings are or aren't really there, ya know?

"I think that is a very educated theory that needs testing."

"Right," Ascella said sitting up onto her knees. "How do we do this?"

"Uh - I guess we like -" Aaron made jerky motions with his hands as if to grip her face while turning his head to one side.

"Um - okay - " Ascella moved closer, turning her head slightly the opposite way of Aaron's. He put a hand on her cheek - it was somehow cold and clammy at the same time. She tried to not flinch. He looked at her for the span of a few seconds that only served to make Ascella more uncomfortable, then he starting leaning in closer...

"Wait!" Ascella put up a hand to his chest. "How long are we supposed to kiss for?"

Aaron sat back, seriously considering her question.

"Well I don't know truly... my brother and his friends never talk about how long you do it for."

"You've talked to your brother about kissing?!"

"No! They just tend to talk about it when I'm around."

"Oh." Ascella was silent for a second. "Well how about five seconds?" she suggested. It seemed like a satisfactory amount of time. Not too long and not too fleeting like whatever the first attempt had been (Ascella refused to count that as her first kiss - she hadn't even been able to process it!).

"Five seconds it is!" Aaron grinned his response.

Then they were back to where they'd been a moment before - clammy and cold hand at her cheek, slowly moving closer. When Aaron was about to meet her lips with his, she forced her eyes to close, and then his lips were pressed to hers for, one-two-three-four-five seconds. They pulled away from each other then, Aaron's hand falling to his side, both looking anywhere but at the other, Ascella's hand going to her lips, resisting the urge to wipe the feeling of his lips off.

"Well?" she finally prompted.

"Nothing," Aaron said his bright blue eyes meeting hers. Then he half laughed, half sighed. "I felt nothing!"

In another situation Ascella might have taken offense but she was far too relived to feel anything else.

"Oh thank Merlin!" she sighed in her relief instead. "Me neither. Friends?"

"Friends," Aaron agreed with his usual grin, reaching out a hand to shake on it. Ascella gladly received it.

"Anyway, lunch 'Cella?" Aaron asked then.

"No. Go on - I'm going to stay out for a bit. Enjoy the sun while I can." Aaron nodded and left her to it.

But she wasn't to enjoy the sun for long as not but a few moments later she was cast into shadow by a certain tall Hufflepuff prefect.

"What the - where'd the sun go - Oh 'lo Cedric? How're you?" Ascella asked upon opening her eyes to see the grinning boy above her.

"Just patrolling the grounds now that the weather is nice. May I join you?"

Ascella nodded her confirmation that he may. Cedric sat next to her. Ascella had closed her eyes once more but she felt him staring at her so she opened one to look at him.

"What's got you so amused?" she asked interpreting the prefect's facial expression. His smile widened.

"Hmm - well let's see. If I am not mistaken, it was a couple months ago now, but I do believe the boy I just saw you with was in fact not the boy we intended on making jealous, correct?"

Ascella sigh-groaned. So he'd seen the kiss - she didn't suppose she was surprised, it was a clear day and she and Aaron hadn't exactly been in a hidden part of the grounds - it was just, why did he keep finding her in these ridiculous situations?

"Correct, it wasn't the same boy. That was his best mate."

"Oh the scandal."

"Oh stuff it," she said as Cedric laughed. "Nothing like that. Just realized Kevin - the other guy - was never gonna like me and that I'd wasted enough time on him - I do have some dignity. But Aaron likes, well liked now, me so I thought 'Hey, let's give it a shot. If nothing else I'll get my first kiss over with.'"

The laughter faded from Cedric's face at her words.

"What?" she prompted, seeing him beginning to knead the inside of his bottom lip as if in deep thought.

"You shouldn't just want to 'get it over with'. Your first kiss I mean."

"And why not?" Ascella demanded of the older boy.

"Well," he drew out the first word capturing her attention with his deep eyes. "You want to like the kiss right? So you need to come at it with the right attitude, otherwise you might be less inclined to want to kiss again."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, did you like it? The kiss?"

"It was underwhelming."

"See! That's because you didn't come at it with the right attitude."

"If you're saying I should of waiting for my first kiss, then thanks dad, but I think I can handle myself." Ascella patted Cedric on the shoulder, flushing as she realized how much more - solid? was that the word? - Cedric's upper arm was than that of the boys she knew. Fortunately for her, Cedric appeared to be too busy laughing at her sarcasm to notice her flushed skin. Regardless she quickly retreated her hand from his arm.

"No, I'm not saying that," Cedric tried to defend himself still half chuckling. "I'm just saying don't be too discouraged from trying again. You might be surprised."

"Right. I'll just tell all the boys lining up to snog me," she continued with her sarcasm - it was a good distraction from her previous thoughts - gesturing to the empty space beside her to indicate the lack of boys lined up, "that I'm open for business."

"Please," Cedric snorted. "Boys like you. Believe me."

"Tyeah. Just to ogle me. Or they aren't the boys that I like."

"Give one of those other lads a shot then. You might be surprised."

"But that's what I did with Aaron! And you just saw the end of that!"

"Not all of them will be like Aaron."

"Huh. I'll take your word on that," she said like she very much wouldn't believe him.

"Better do," Cedric replied ignoring her sass. Ascella rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him - a very mature response. Cedric snorted and booped her nose with the tip of his forefinger. Ascella wouldn't admit it later but she forgot how to breath for a second.

"Anyway," Cedric sighed, breaking through Ascella's dopey staring and rising, brushing off his trousers as he did. "Best be going - prefect rounds to finish. If you're lucky I might just not report you for inappropriate canoodling by the Great Lake." He winked to show Ascella he was only kidding.

"You wouldn't dare!" Cedric's only response was to dart out of her reach and stroll away as if without a care in the world, while she cursed.

Despite her seeming annoyance and confusion the interaction had just given her, she also found herself smiling to herself. So much so that she was quite caught off guard a few hours later while just leaving the girls lavatory on the third floor, a goofy grin on her face as she remembered something funny Cedric had said, to find Padma squaring up to her ready to fight.

"Heard you snogged Aaron." Her nasty tone and accusing stare immediately soured Ascella's pleasant mood.

"Oh hullo to you too Padma. Yes, I am doing alright. These past few months have been lovely, especially with all that chatting we've been able to do," Ascella started off sarcastically before letting her true venom into her next words. "Classy Pads. The first words you've spoken to me in bloody months and it's not even to ask how I've been. I don't need this shit. Now if you'll excuse -" she made to brush past the girl but she found her exit blocked by Padma.

"Why'd you do it? You knew I liked him. Why do you always do it?" the other girl accused her.

Acsella pulled up short at that.

"I'm sorry? I always do it? Pray tell what, precisely, is it that I always do?"

"You know, wrap all the boys around your little finger - get them all to fall all over themselves for you - trying to impress you and talk to you. And you don't do a thing to stop them for falling for you. In fact you encourage it!" Padma emphasized her point with an accusing pointer finger jabbed at Ascella with her words.

"Excuse me?" Ascella said then, her face all edges and cold anger, a vortex of icy and cutting rage. Any rationally thinking person would have backed off at this look but Padma wasn't thinking rationally.

"You so much as look or smile in their direction and they do your every bidding!" Padma exclaimed. Not only did Ascella feel this was a gross exaggeration but she also felt the irony of Padma being the one to yell it at her.

"You're one to talk. I've seen you and your sister - batting eyes at all those boys when you want something from them."

Padma made a rather unflattering note of disgust.

"I do not bat eyes at anyone!"

"Oh really? That's why pimply Peter Pernipskit of Hufflepuff deals with all the disgusting potions ingredients when you partner him, huh? And offers to partner you whenever he can? And all just so you don't have to ruin your nails." Padma's mouth snapped shut. "That's what I thought. I'm not the only good looking one here."

Padma pouted. "But I'm not pretty, not when I'm next to you," she bemoaned. "Not when it comes to Aaron. It's like they all forget I even exist with you around, as you suck them in with your giant beacon of golden haired brightness," she finished punctuating each word with extra force.

"Look," Ascella spat, seeming to tower over the shorter girl, completely done with this conversation. "It's not like I ask for them to ogle me! Not like I encourage it. Or enjoy it-"

"Please!" Padma spat back, not backing down from Ascella's intimidation techniques. "You revel in it. And you take advantage of it and you don't even know it. At least I can admit when I'm using someone's feelings."

Here Ascella found herself caught quite off guard - as far as she could tell she had never used Aaron's feelings for own selfish interests - in fact she actually remembered trying to go out of her way not to - hanging by the lake aside.

"What are you even talking about?" Ascella finally asked, her curiosity besting her anger for the moment.

"While you've been mooning over Kevin, who doesn't even like you, you've had Terry completely besotted! Do you know how sad it is to witness everyday as he waits around the Great Hall at dinner until you've left on the off chance you might head back up to Ravenclaw and seek out his help, to see him light up when you rise from the Gryffindor table alone or otherwise, get closer and closer to the Ravenclaw table and then to see the utter deflation when you just walk right on by without so much as a glance over? It's crushing and pathetic and so sad. And I've had to deal with his pouting even if he refused to admit he was upset. And don't even get me started on Charms Club!" Padma groaned. "It's all he ever talks about for weeks leading up to and after and it's always 'Ascella this, Ascella that'."

"Uh - I - um," Ascella tried to speak. She felt like her whole world was spinning. She'd suspected Aaron had liked her but never - never - had she suspected shy Terry Boot, her Charms friend of having a crush on her.

Padma just looked at her, breathing heavily.

Finally Ascella found the words. "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't know." Padma deflated.

"No. I'm sorry. That was unfair. I was just angry. And hurt."

"I know," Ascella started. Padma raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, now I know. And I'm sorry - I should have noticed sooner. Both about Terry and about your feelings for Aaron and why you were upset with me."

"And I should have told you why I was upset instead of ignoring you. I'm sorry. It's just - " Padma cast her hand about as if looking for the right word. "You can just be so comfortable and you are pretty and smart and the way you are with Terry he just doesn't know that it's just you being you."

Ascella deflated, remembering instances when Terry had been blushing and understanding them now.

"You are right. But I will try to be better. It's just I can't not hang around him. He's my friend."

"I know. I'll try and talk to him, tell him you aren't interested. Not that it'll probably help - crushes are strange things."

"Thanks," Ascella said with a smile. "And yeah they are. And I really am sorry about the Aaron thing but its over now. He doesn't like me now either."

Padma visibly brightened and perked up at that.

"Really," Ascella assured Padma. "The kiss was awful. No spark on either side." Padma deflated. "Not that I'm sure he's a had kisser! I'm sure hes excellent with someone he actually likes! And maybe now he'll give someone else a shot he hadn't thought of before - like you! I'm told you can be surprised," Ascella said in a sing song voice, quoting what Cedric had told her earlier. And it worked, a smile creeping up on Padma's face.

"Who told you that?"

"Oh just an older someone," Ascella hedged airily.

Padma demanded to know who but Ascella flat refused, a secret grin on her face. She liked her chats with the older boy and didn't want to share them just yet.

"I'm glad we've made up," Ascella said instead.

"Same. The dorm hasn't been the same. Now I want to hear all about the kiss!"

"Are you sure? You might not like what you hear?"

Padma waved her off. "Don't worry - like you said - it would be different with me."

"Oy! I said it might be different. Maybe he really is a bad kisser," Ascella teased.

Padma's response was to hit her, while Ascella cackled. What a strange day she'd had and little did she know but her life was about to get even stranger.


a/n: I'm really sorry for the delay... no I haven't forgotten this. I just had a lot of personal stuff to deal with that you don't care about (but if you do it'll be at the bottom) but I am back! What do you think my lovelies?! Next chapter Ascella gets all the answers!

Gonna try and go to a weekly update so feel free to yell at me if I'm falling off haha - I won't be offended, it's a compliment if you want more chapters.


Note: If you wanted to know my Grandmother passed about the time I stopped posting. She and I used to write letters back and forth - she'd been an English Lit major back in the day at University (the female version of Harvard in the late 30s and 40s when men and women still went to separate University - so yeah smart lady) and she loved to read and she loved my letters. She was one of the biggest supporters of my writing and her lose in combination with her last letter to me, "I can't wait to one day read a novel written by you" sent me into a downward spiral. She always believed I would be a writer and a published author and knowing she thought that even as a lit major, as someone who analyzes the shit out of writing, - well - it always made me proud and happy but at her lose and knowing she would never see that - well it made me think and the thoughts I had weren't always great. Long story short my mood wasn't conducive to this story or writing in general for which I feel shame, but I am back because I love to write and I will one day make my Grandmother proud.

I don't share this for sympathy but to explain. So thank you so much to all who have enjoyed this story and I will be back with more! :D