A/N: On with the story

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck


Sarah sat on the end of the couch, watching football with Devon.

That was a lie.

She was sitting on the couch, football was on the TV, and Devon was watching it. But she… she was so lost in her thoughts she didn't know if she'd ever find her way out.

Last night, she had been prepared to begin a relationship with Chuck Bartowski. Not just a physical one, but an emotional one, as well. Last night, she had managed to convince herself that he was a big boy, and that he knew what he was getting into.

This morning… everything had changed.

She had tried to have relationships with guys, but her job… her job ruined it. It had always come first. After talking to Graham, she wanted to put her job second, but this morning… this morning had her questioning what she would do if she became the person that Chuck Bartowski deserved.

It was ironic, unlike the things Alanis Morrissette thought were ironic. She wanted to be with Chuck. Last night, she had planned on being with Chuck. Today, she was refusing to let it happen, because she didn't want to hurt him.

She was finally able to admit something to herself, and it scared the absolute hell out of her: She cared more for Chuck Bartowski in a romantic way then she had for any man that had ever been in her life. And he hadn't been in her life but for a second.

She knew, being with him, she couldn't be the way she was. He was changing her. That wasn't fair, she was changing, because of him. Because… she wanted to be better. She couldn't explain it. Chuck didn't ask her to change, nor would he ever, but he was opening her eyes, showing her things… things she had been so certain required be a certain way…and they did not.

She did not have to be like her father. She did not have to be a corporate raider… but if she wasn't… what was she? Who was she? Chuck deserved more than Sarah Walker, Chuck's girlfriend. She, on the other hand, deserved to know. She had to know if she could do her job, and still be the woman he swore he saw. The one she had caught glimpses of, and wanted to be, but scared her.

God, if they had just had sex the night before, it truly would have made things easier. The things she was feeling, she could explain them away, she could deal with them.

There had been no sex.

But good God almighty, there was intimacy like she had never experience. She had never felt as exposed in her life as she did when she woke this morning.

That wasn't completely true; when she awoke, she felt safe. His arms around her, her back to his front… she felt protected, she felt… she felt loved.

What in the whole hell was she supposed to do with that?

And it wasn't a brotherly love, oh no. Because, as she woke, feeling all these things, she couldn't help but spin in his arms. She'd cradled his face in her hands and kissed him softly, but in doing so let him know how much she needed him. And damn it, it wasn't just a sexual need. She could have dealt with that, but this… this

She found herself shaking her head, and feeling warm, just thinking of that kiss. That kiss… that kiss made her feel things nothing never had. No orgasm had made her feel that way. No nothing. And then, either the best thing, or the worst thing happened… she wasn't sure which.

She was about to make love to Chuck Bartowski. That's what was currently driving her crazy. It wasn't sex with a guy she liked. It wasn't sex with a guy that she found attractive. It wasn't sex to scratch an itch. She was about to make love to Chuck, and if she had… she wasn't sure either of them would ever be the same.

If she had, she didn't think she would ever be able to quit Chuck Bartowski.

He had even asked her if she was sure, and that should have broken the spell. She nodded, grinning like a fool. She was ready for it, ready for him… and then his alarm went off.

This man… he had set an alarm for her so she would have time to go home and change clothes before seeing her brother. She had never understood the saying, The straw that broke the camel's back until today. Today, she knew. He had done nothing wrong, but she felt like she was kidding herself.

She felt like she was delusional. She couldn't do this.

The TV went mute, and she looked over at Devon. "It's halftime, not that you've noticed," he said, grinning. "It's no big deal, Sar, if you have to do something else."

"There's nothing else, Devon," Sarah assured him.

"Sarah… I can hear you thinking over here," he told her. She chuckled, and shook her head. "Chuckster, huh?" She looked at him, confused. "Oh, come on, Sarah. I love you to death. I love the Chuckster, and I wish you two would be happy together, but… it's gotta be like being tossed into the deep end of the pool, and not knowing how to swim."

She barked a laugh, unable to hold back the emotions she was feeling. God, had he nailed it. "He is completely different than anyone I could have ever imagined dating," she admitted, her voice soft.

"So… are you two… dating?" Sarah sat there softly. "Sorry, none of my business, I-"

"I don't know if I can date him," Sarah cut in. "And-and, not because I don't like him." She searched for the words. "Devon, I cannot thank Chuck enough for making me realize that I can't go on like I have been, but… how do I date someone like him, doing what I do? And-and, I get it, I can do other things, but I'm good at this."

"Do you want to keep doing it?" Devon asked.

"I don't even know if I want to," Sarah admitted. "But if I don't do it, I need to stop because I don't want to, not for someone else… not that Chuck is asking me to be someone else… I don't deserve to put a guy like him through this mess I'm about to become."

"Have you talked about any of this with him?" Devon asked. Sarah turned her head, red creeping up her neck. "Oh," he said.

She couldn't think about this morning as he asked if he would see her tonight. She had said yes, but her eyes… her damn eyes had told him the truth. When she left, he had told her if she couldn't, he understood. She didn't want to hurt him. Hell, she wanted to turn around and drag him to that bed and let him have his way with her, and she have her way with him.

"I've got to know if I can do this job, Devon. I have to, for me."

"You can tell him that," Devon told her.

"I don't want to hurt him," Sarah told Devon. "I like him, Devon… I like him a lot… I like him too much."

"Ahhhhh," Devon said, nodding. "I was afraid of this."

"Afraid of what?" she asked, her head whipping toward him. Devon just shook his head. "Afraid of what?"

"It's not important," Devon said.

"Oh, no, you're not doing that to me," Sarah said to him. And suddenly, she was in high school again. Her perfect older brother, tormenting her, but in a loving way. She couldn't help but smile, as she grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. "What was it you used to say?" she asked softly.

"That when you finally allowed yourself to fall for someone, while I wanted to be around to see it, I hoped I was far enough away to not be hit by the shit-storm of emotions you'd finally have to deal with."

"Ass," Sarah said, swatting him. He scooted over to her, pulling her into a hug. "God, Devon, I like him… a lot."

"I know," Devon said.

"I have to know if I can do this," she continued.

"I know," Devon said softly.

It took everything in him not to tell her who Chuck was, and how this deal was going to affect the two of them more than they realized.

}o{

Sarah paced the floor, trying to think what to do next. She had left Devon's yesterday before the game was over, to work on her presentation. She had called Chuck – not texted him like she wanted to – and told him that she needed to work, but when the presentation was over, she needed to talk to him. She thought the call had gone well. Her brain thought about him all night, his curls, and her gripping his curls… she shook her head to try and get back on track.

He had been an absolute gentlemen about it, assuring her he understood. She felt like a complete ass, and that threw her for as much of a loop as anything else. In the past, when she told guys she had to work, she didn't care how they reacted. With Chuck, she found she cared, and part of her thought he should have been mad… upset… yell at her… but that wasn't him, was it?

That brought her back to the predicament in which she currently found herself. She didn't have access to the internet. The man at the front desk had mumbled something that made no sense, so she had trekked back to her room to check and make sure she had the wifi on.

That might have happened to her, once or twice, in the past.

She had called Devon and asked him what to do. He reminded her she did have the cellphone number of someone that could work on computers. When she reminded him of what happened the night before, of her having to cancel because of work, what Devon said stayed with her.

"Sarah, that's not who Chuck is, holding a grudge, especially since what you told him was the truth."

She had told him the truth, but she wasn't about to lie to herself. Part of her had been glad she hadn't seen him last night, because if she had…

She shook her head, knowing what a dangerous precipice on which she found herself teetering. "Chuck," she said into the phone when he answered, "I hate to ask this, but I'm having computer trouble. I know it's Sunday… but… okay… see you in ten minutes." She hung up, sighed, and looked over at her bed where the laptop rested. Her eyes widened, and she sprang across the room to grab the laptop and put it on the table. She refused to look at the bed as she waited for him.

}o{

She heard a knock on the door, and everything she had finally calmed down inside of her came roaring back, with a vengeance. It was a light staccato rap that just screamed him. She stood, took a deep breath, walked to her door, and opened it. She could not have stopped the smile that came to her face if she had wanted to.

"Hey," he said lifting the drinks in his hand, and the bag. "I was out for breakfast when you called, and thought you might like something. The pastry sells the best chocolate éclairs. I wasn't sure you'd like it, but I thought I'd try it and see."

She thought she might melt through the damn floor with that. "Thank you," she said sincerely. She moved out of the way, motioning for him to come in. As he did so, she spoke. "Not just for breakfast, but to come over here."

"It's no problem, Sarah, really," he said as he placed the food on the table. He turned to her. "You okay?"

"No," she admitted in a small voice. "Chuck… I… Chuck, you bother me." He frowned at that, and she winced and shook her head. "Not in a bad way, in a good way. The problem is, I could get lost in you."

"I see," Chuck said, his eyes a little wide. "Have I done something wrong, or… have I done something?"

"Only showed me that good people exist, and maybe I was wrong about who I am and who I have to be," she said softly. She wanted to cross the distance between them, but if she did, she knew she'd shove him onto her bed, and she would get no work done the rest of the day. Well, none that would help her complete the deal. And she needed to see if she could.

"Okay," Chuck said, still confused.

"Chuck, I need to ask you a favor that I do not deserve, and I when I say need…" She trailed off. She needed to calm the hell down. This man was rattling her like no one ever had. She was in new, virgin territory, that she had no idea how to navigate. She was going to try and be honest with him.

"Ask," he said softly. "And if I can, I will."

"Don't you promise a thing until after I ask you," she insisted. He nodded. "I want to see where this can go, I want to see what we can be. But right now, I have to deal with this project. In the past, I would just deal with it, and not worry about how it would affect you or any one I was seeing."

"You do see that's a good thing, right?" Chuck asked. "You do see that's growth?"

"It's something," Sarah replied. "It's something new, and something that has me bumfuzzled."

"Look at you and your fifty-cent words," Chuck teased her.

"See, you're doing it," Sarah said.

"Doing what?"

"You're being cute, and adorable, and distracting the hell out of me. And I can't work, because all I can think about is you and me…" She trailed off, and despite her commitment, despite her resolve to not look at the bed, she couldn't help but glance at it. He followed her gaze and turned back to her, his eyes wide. She titled her head and raised her eyebrows, smiling as his eyes grew even wider.

"Uh," Chuck began, searching for words. "That may have been the hottest compliment I've ever been given."

"And it may be the most unfair thing I've ever asked someone to do, that I care about," Sarah said softly.

"Care about?" Chuck asked. Sarah nodded. He straightened, cleared his throat, and nodded. "Well, I think what you ask is perfectly reasonable. However, what happens if I, unknowingly, do something that goes against what you ask?"

"Like you're doing right now?" Sarah asked, grinning at him.

"You know, there's a saying in comics that goes, With Great Power, there must come Great Responsibility, Chuck began.

"Who said that, and you're doing it again."

"Why do I think my drawing breath does it?"

"I mean, it's possible," Sarah said with a shrug. She told herself to quit but ignored herself. "Now… who said that?"

"You know him as Shoot-Webs-Out-His-Butt Guy," Chuck replied. Sarah burst out laughing. "So I've done nothing wrong?"

Sarah sobered, giving him a sad smile as she shook her head. "No, Chuck, you've done nothing wrong, except deciding to get involved with a mess like me. As my dad would say, a hot mess."

"Aren't we all a hot mess deep down inside?" Chuck asked.

"Damn it," she said softly, crossing the distance between them, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him soundly. After a bit, she pulled away and looked into his eyes.

"Did I do it again?"

"You did," she admitted.

"Well, now I am very torn, because it seems as though I'm punishing myself by not doing it." Sarah thought she was going to melt in his arms. "But you have a job to do, and you have asked me to help you, so I will." He gently untangled himself from her, chuckling at her slight pout. "So, what is the problem with your computer?"

"I can't connect to the internet, and when I went to talk to the guy at the front desk, he just mumbled some stuff and scurried away," Sarah said.

"Guy?" Chuck asked. Sarah nodded. "Okay, let me go talk to him. Maybe he speaks nerd, and the hot mess professional made him tongue-tied."

"You keep talking like that and I'm going to have you tongue-tied with me," Sarah warned him. Chuck pressed his lips together, blew out his cheeks, and widened his eyes at that, making her laugh.

"I'll be back in a minute, okay?" Sarah nodded and he headed out the door. She knew she should stay where she was. But after a few minutes, knowing he was in the same building as her and unable to resist seeing him, she grabbed her things and followed him downstairs.


A/N: Anyone else feel like we're getting close to something big? What are you looking at me for? Next time:

"I mean, if I'm not being too presumptuous," Chuck said with a shrug. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him. Nearly a minute had passed before she pulled away. Chuck was having trouble eating air… or ingesting oxygen… breathing! That was it! Breathing!

"I hope I wasn't being too presumptuous with that thank you kiss?" Sarah said, her nose an inch away from his.

"I hope it doesn't upset you that I'm trying to think of ways for you to thank me again," Chuck countered.