Saying goodbye was never something Catarina Claes is very good at. Both in her original life and her post-mortem existence alike, she has a keen sense of presence and continuity, a magnetic need to be close and rapt.
It is a part of life she wished to avoid at all costs, and she has done so quite successfully for most of the time she spent in Sorcier. Not even the ultimate severance of bonds, death itself, had been enough to rid herself of her aversion, of making any of these moments easier on her psychic state.
She did not only hate goodbyes, but every variation of it that people had come up with to comfort themselves, not that any of them really matter much. Every "see you soon" and "call you later" all meant the same thing, and she wanted nothing to do with it. She wants everything to be exactly the same, bound in place, for all time. This is the one selfishness she allows herself.
Alas, the world turned and turned, her friends changed and adapted and began to want different things, and even Catarina herself was victim of time and become something ever so slightly different than who she once was. She did her very best to resist, but the world she created for herself broke apart.
Now, it is time for her goodbye. She wondered if she would ever get the chance to do it, if not now, and whether it would hurt more to do it or just leave in complete silence. There is a first time for everything, and she knew the day would finally come when she had to face her aversion.
The woman took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The large house is eerily silent, as almost every dweller is now out, taking care of the party to be held in a couple of hours. Only she, her handmaid Anne and the owner of those chambers remained.
When no-one answered, she lifted her skirts, opened the door wide and with no ceremony, and entered the bedroom without explicit permission. She is never one to mind her manners, after all.
Turning her head, she found Keith, sitting in his working desk, writing documents of no significance.
When Catarina saw his soft features pinched in a frown, she fought to hold back her tears. He looked, despite his forced smile, as if he held a spiteful bitterness and nothing else, a pervasive feeling in his heart that eats away all there is good still.
Their parents did not notice. The servants did not notice. They never do, and he conceals it well, but not well enough to hide it from her.
"Keith?" She whispered.
The heir sighed, placing the quill back into the ink. He stands up from his chair and looks over at his adopted sister in her wedding gown. He knew what she wanted and there was some part of him that did not want to give it to her, but he knew if he did not, he might not ever be able to do it again.
So, he walked over to the woman with haste and took her firmly in his arms. He buried his head in her exposed shoulder, whispering that he loved her repeatedly, knowing he could never say it enough, because, no matter how much he tries to express it, he will never find the words to truly covey his feelings. Therein lies his troubles.
The young nobleman cursed himself for never saying how much he loved her enough, for taking simple moments for granted and relying on the thought that she would eventually figure it out. He felt the stupidest man on the kingdom for believing that if he just ran interference enough, if he just placed himself in situations in which she had to rely on him, if he just stared enough at her, she would inevitably realize how much he loved her, and how he loved her, without him having to say a single word.
Seeing it, hearing it and knowing it were not the same. They never would be, and now he is left behind, biting the dust of someone else who is living his dream.
Catarina held on tighter to him as the words started to run together as they left his mouth. It was hard to hear him so sad and despondent when he always sounded the opposite, completely full of life, happy, loved and just a little bit proud of himself. The man she sees now reminds her much too uncomfortably of the sort of character from her old life.
The time that she spent at the Claes manor and with all of her friends changed him, it changed everyone. Now that she is finally leaving it behind, it had changed everyone for the last time. No one would be the same after this night.
"Keith, I wanted to say goodbye." She whispered softly as a tear rolled down her cheek.
As she said it, the blond man seemed to become weaker as the reality of it all came crashing down on him. It must be real if she is telling him goodbye, it must be. The thought of that being the last thing he heard she say was gut wrenching.
Keith knows there is nothing he could do anymore, not unless he is willing to do something terrible, something that has no going back. Yet, it seems that his despair has not reached such depths, that there is still something good in him to hold on to.
As it stands, she made her choice and he made his. He said that he would not be seeing her again after her wedding, that he would not stand to have his heart broken again and again, and he follows through.
He would not attend the ceremony, but he knows the others did. In his mind's eye, Keith saw Catarina say goodbye once more, and wondered if that was it.
