The wagon jostled along rhythmically on the dirt road; the horses seemed to be holding a steady trot from what Natasha could hear. She couldn't ride horses, but spending so much of her time with William as a child earned her plenty of working knowledge about the animal.
It was still dark out, maybe a few hours til dawn; they'd ridden through the night. Mr. Van Der Linde seemed eager to leave right then and there, the night before. It confused her a bit, why he was so eager to leave. But even more so, it confused her how quickly everyone seemed to get with the program, quickly and efficiently packing everything up, and heading out without a second thought.
Maybe that confusion stemmed from her upbringing. Then again, much of how these people lived and behaved, boggled her mind. She understood to a degree, but it was so starkly different from her own life, she found herself mulling over it all a few different times through the night.
Everyone seemed so casual with her around. Like this wasn't new; having a complete stranger in their camp and company. Granted, she couldn't cause much harm in her current state, but it still confused her.
Living on Adrik's estate for most of her childhood- everything was exclusive, controlled, and strictly ordered... These people lived so casually and uninhibited... free.
She envied their ease about their whole situation. They didn't belong to one place; weren't chained to one place. They were free to roam about where they pleased. Part of her still hadn't processed that, this too, was what her new life would look like to some degree.
She didn't know what became of her image back home in New York; what her Uncle had done in her absence. She knew there was a bulletin for her somewhere. If that Gang had discovered it, and recognized her back in that little trading post town, and knew a Deputy in Millstone who also had knowledge of it, she'd need to be careful.
She didn't want to think about the bulletin. The first time she ran away, Adrik had a missing persons bulletin sent out. Part of her assumed he had used the same avenue, but... If he hadn't... That meant there would be people looking for her. Really looking for her.
Hopefully, history would repeat itself on that front. Missing persons posters circled for a few years before getting pushed aside. At least, that was what she hoped. She wasn't recognized the first time she ran away until she made her way back east.
Letting her eyes draw away from the scenery out the back of the wagon, Natasha let her eyes fall to her lap, where her bag was nestled in her grasp.
She hadn't had enough privacy the past couple days to go through it, and make sure everything was accounted for.
Swallowing quietly, Natasha undid the flap and opened the bag, letting her eyes pursue the contents visible.
A few articles of clothing sat on top; all of them tied into rolls with twine to take up the least amount of space. Her flat cap sat nestled alongside them.
She smiled gently and touched her fingers to the item briefly before pulling it, along with the clothes, out of the bag. Settling them ahead of her on her outstretched legs, Natasha went back into the bag.
Her fingers found the rough cloth of a small pouch. Pulling the smaller bag out, she slid the contents out next to her, on the blanket she was sitting on.
William's revolver slid out, alongside a small package containing William's lock-picking set, and three small locks.
Resting the cloth pouch on top of its contents, Natasha put both hands into the messenger bag, and felt around the inside fabric.
Between the inner fabrics, William had told her his Wife had sewn in pockets for money to be hidden.
She could feel some of the creases from the bills, and felt a small breath ease through her lips, as she rested her head back against the wagon.
Everything's there. You're okay.
Natasha blinked her eyes a couple times before sitting back up, her gaze finding the items to her right. Tossing the cloth pouch aside, she picked up the lock-picking tool kit.
She untied the small leather laced knot, and lifted the flap to reveal several thin, metal tools.
Her fingers fiddled between the small pieces of metal with a small smile as she recounted the names of each tool.
At the ripe age of eight years old, Natasha had accidentally locked the set of keys in one of the rooms at Adrik's estate. One of the maids had fetched William from the stables to see if he could get the lock open, since the expense of a lock-smith was one nobody wanted to confront Adrik with.
Eight year-old Natasha had watched with utter fascination, as he pulled out a little tool kit and within a minute or two, managed to get the door open. After that moment, she refused to leave him alone, and while reluctant, he taught her a thing or two.
Picking up one of the locks, Natasha sifted through the tools, getting her preferred ones before going to work.
It could be quite tedious, but the activity relaxed her. William had taught her probably more than he would ever have admitted to, but he always privately voiced his pride on how quickly she caught on to the skill.
Around a minute later she heard the familiar click that made her ears perk, and eyes light up, as she pulled the lock open.
Twirling it around her finger, Natasha smiled to herself before relocking it and placing it on the blanket next to her.
Time could've been better but… It's been a while.
Collecting the few items to her right, Natasha placed them back into the cloth pouch before putting them back into the messenger bag. She then picked up the articles of clothing and did the same. The remaining item, her flat cap, remained on her lap.
She eyed it quietly for a time before picking it up, and bringing it closer as she eyed it carefully.
She got it when she was on the run between the ages of ten and twelve. It seemed like so long ago.
Natasha was barely ten when Adrik had tried getting more physical with her. She'd run to the barn to get help from William but he wasn't working that evening, and she found herself just… running. She'd jumped on a cargo train heading west by sheer luck, and ended up in Chicago, Illinois.
Within a couple weeks, she met a boy around her age on the street. He was the only reason she survived. She was so young and naive; had told him literally everything about herself. In an effort to keep her identity hidden, he'd helped her get clothes and had given her his flat cap to better hide her face when they were out and about.
She ran her hands along the leather, fingers tracing the small scuffs and lines on the material as her mind traced through the memories associated with that time.
The more she let her thoughts retrace those memories, the more her chest began to tighten, and her eyes watered.
The last time she saw him was when they tried stealing from a homestead outside the city. It went bad.
Closing her eyes, Natasha shook her head and let it thunk back against the wagon gently. She slid the article back into the messenger bag and closed the flap, before rubbing her hands over her face to calm the flood of emotions.
Sleep. You need sleep.
Swallowing past the tightness in her throat, Natasha forced deep, even breaths before forcing her eyes to close.
It's in the past. You need to look forward.
~000~
"C'mon!"
She scrambled to her feet from the dirt, following after him as they ran through the field and towards the edge of the property.
"C'mon, this way!" He yelled after her as they ran.
She pushed the stalks of corn out of her way as they fled. She could hear angry yelling and dogs barking behind her.
As they broke through the edge of the field, Natasha's eyes quickly found the edge of the ravine that cascaded down into a rapid river bordering the property.
"The bridge-" Natasha pointed towards the exit of the property to their right, up the hill.
They broke back into a run as they ran alongside the ravine; the sounds of the angered property owners getting louder.
Loud claps rang out, and Natasha stumbled as piles of dirt splashed up near her feet. They were being shot at.
"We're almost there-" Another clap rang out, hitting the ground near Natasha as she stumbled along the cliff-like edge that led down towards the stream.
"Tasha-!" A cry from behind her rang out, and Natasha turned to see him tumbling down the ravine and then into the water.
Crying out after him, Natasha scrambled down the loose dirt edge. Running in the opposite direction of the bridge, and their escape, Natasha ran after him as the water's current swept him further down.
"Ta-" His head appeared and disappeared in the water as he struggled to stay afloat.
"Swim to the edge!" Natasha yelled as she tried to keep up on the slippery edge of the ravine, loose dirt and rock making traversal difficult.
She could still hear the claps of gunfire somewhere behind her and yelling.
"I can- I can't swi-!"
Hopping across the big boulders running along the river, Natasha got a ways ahead of him before jumping in herself.
The cold darkness enveloped her as she was submerged, before she swam to the surface and whipped around. Seeing him coming towards her in the current, she collided with him not seconds later.
"Kick-" She coughed on water as she grabbed him as best she could. "Kick your legs!" She yelled over the roar of the rapids.
As the current continued to sweep them further down river, they made it closer and closer to the edge.
He was heavy, her arms burned from trying to hold him close to her, and kick her own legs to keep them going.
The current was picking up, and the water was getting more aggressive. They were nearing the deep rapids.
Coughing on more water, Natasha adjusted her grip on his shirt before freeing one arm to try and grasp rocks as they were swept by.
"Grab," She coughed, "T-The rocks. Grab them!"
They both tried to grasp at the slippery surfaces as they were swept past them.
Her limbs were about to give out when they finally managed to get a handle on a big boulder.
Letting out a small cry of exhaustion, Natasha dragged him onto the rocks, and collapsed next to him.
He was coughing and spurting. He'd taken in a lot of water.
Pushing herself up, Natasha helped him turn onto his side as he continued to spit out water.
"Thank- Thank you," He coughed before sucking in a deep breath.
"Are you okay?" Natasha asked, grasping him close to her as she watched him for any signs of further struggle.
"Yeah," He was shaking from the cold.
"C'mon," Natasha got to her feet and helped him sit up. She was wobbly; her muscles still screaming from the exertion. "We gotta get outta-"
A clap whizzed by, followed by several more, and Natasha tried and struggled to keep her balance as the aggressive onslaught was thrown at her.
"John!" She cried out as she fell back into the rapids, completely submerged, as the much stronger current immediately pulled her under.
"Tash-!"
It was dark, and she was swirled around aggressively by the waters before she finally managed to breach them.
"John!" She yelled out as she tried to swim back towards the shore.
"Tasha!"
She saw several men making their way down into the gully where he was. She watched in horror, her line of sight being repeatedly interrupted by the splashing of the rapids all around her, as she tried to swim back to him.
"John, look out!" She screamed out as she watched him get grabbed by the collar of his shirt and dragged further up the bank.
"Tasha!"
She watched one of the men run up and smack him with the back of a gun before they began dragging him back up the edge of the ravine.
"J-John!"
"Miss?"
"John-" Her eyes popped open and she scrambled to sit up, nails digging into the ground below her as she sucked in deep breaths.
"No, it's uh… it's Arthur."
Her eyes locked onto the person at the foot of the wagon, his hand grasping the side of the planks. It was Arthur Morgan.
She stared at him with wide eyes for several seconds.
"You need John for somethin?"
"W-What?" Natasha blinked her burning eyes a couple of times as she got her bearings, pulling herself up to rest her back against the wagon. She processed the name in her head once again. "John?"
"Yeah. Sounded like you were asking for John…" Arthur trailed off.
She only got glimpses under the rim of his hat, but she caught the knit of his brow, and a mild look of uncertainty. Perhaps confusion. It was bright enough that she could make out the details, dawn most likely. It must've been a few hours since she'd fallen asleep.
"You uh… Do you need me to get him?"
It took Natasha a few moments to contemplate what the man meant, until it hit her that they too had a 'John' in their group. One she hadn't even met yet, which only made the heat in her cheeks burn harder as she looked away.
"Oh um- No. No, I don't need-" Natasha cleared her throat as she shook her head, "I wasn't talking about him I-" She tried to push the flood of memories back down as she forced herself to keep her composure. "My uh-... I had- a- um… A brother… I had a brother named John." Natasha nodded, trying to almost convince herself of her own words as she met his eyes.
"Oh." Arthur nodded, settling back on his heels as he leaned off the wagon, before glancing to the side. He looked almost as uncomfortable as she was. "You uh… Things didn't sound too good back here, you alright?"
Oh dear god, how loud was I?
"I…" Natasha forced herself to swallow the hard lump in her throat as she tried to usher the words out. "I- yes. Just some- uh… Dreams. Bad dreams." She paused for a moment, "He died when I was twelve. Sometimes I… have um- nightmares or- dreams about it… What happened..." She kept her eyes on the floor of the wagon as she explained, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." Natasha's voice softened as she looked up. His disposition seemed to change subtly at her explanation.
"No apology necessary," He nodded quickly, and met her eyes for a split second before giving a tip of his hat. "We're stopping for a few minutes. Just putting a game plan together. If ya wanna stretch yer legs or- just get some fresh air; give us a holler, Miss." He called as he disappeared out of view around the wagon.
A few seconds passed before Natasha finally let out the breath she'd been holding in.
She hated how vivid her dreams could be. Especially when they were reminiscent of what happened in her childhood. She tried to shove it all down into a box. One she knew had a key, but she didn't have the heart to lock.
Finding herself catching her breath quietly, Natasha bit down hard on her lip before running her hands over her face and then through her hair.
"Oh John-" Her voice caught as she whispered quietly, and fought the increased burning in her cheeks, and buildup of tears in her eyes.
After taking a few minutes to gather her composure, and calm her nerves, Natasha scooted herself to the edge of the wagon quietly, hoping to not draw attention.
She slid her crutches out and off the wagon so they were resting against the back, before scooting her legs off so they were dangling. Slowly easing herself down, she tried not to let the ground surprise her too much; reaching with the toes of her good leg as she managed to ease herself off without much ruckus.
A relieved sigh left her lips as she steadied herself on the semi-rocky terrain, just off the side of the road where the wagon was parked.
Collecting her crutches, Natasha aligned them properly, before going to take a few calculated steps forward and around the wagon.
Coming around the corner, the morning sun hit her hard, and she squinted her eyes, blindly stepping forward a few steps.
"Uhh- hi?"
The voice was so close in front of her that she stumbled back a step in surprise, fumbling with her crutches before dropping one of them in a panic.
"Shit- Uh- Sorry, there-" She heard a chuckle and lifted her now free hand to shield her eyes from the sun to see a man standing in front of her, a horse next to him.
"I'm sorry-" Natasha started, realizing she must've almost ran into him.
"Nah that's on me. I should'a moved." He laughed and brought a hand to the back of his head to scratch lightly.
Her eyes drawing down, Natasha looked for her dropped crutch before locking on the object around a foot away from her.
Adjusting her stance, she began looking for ways to get down to it.
"You uh- You Anna?"
"Yes-" Natasha gave him a quick nod before attempting to reach down towards the crutch.
"Miss Grimshaw told me we had someone in the wagon. I saw ya last night, before we pulled out."
"Mm hm," Natasha adjusted her remaining crutch again before blending her good knee, trying to lower herself down.
"I'm John."
The statement made her pause, and after a couple of seconds, she chanced another look up at the individual.
She found herself meeting his eyes and doing a subtle double take as she stared at him.
He was younger than the other men, closer to her age in fact. He had dark hair, black in color. It was cut shorter, around her length but maybe an inch or two longer. His dark eyes hid any distinct color she could recognize, but the only thing she did truly notice was the resemblance to the boy she lost years ago. It made her chest tighten as she couldn't help but stare for a few more seconds.
Time continued to pass as he met her gaze, seemingly unfazed by her silence before he looked down to where her arm had been dangling, in the direction of the crutch.
"Oh uh- Here I'll get that." He knelt down quickly, no longer blocking the sun, as he snatched the item from the ground before holding it out to her. "Sorry 'bout that."
"It's alright. Thank you." Natasha took it quickly and adjusted the aids under her arms before getting back her footing.
Her eyes lifted ahead, and she met his gaze for a moment before glancing at his horse when several seconds of silence fell between them once more.
"This is um, Buck. My horse," John gave the littlest gesture towards the animal, reins in hand.
"He's beautiful," Natasha responded, carefully extending one arm to brush her knuckles along the horse's muzzle.
"So, er you running with us, then?"
"Excuse me?" Natasha retracted her hand, bringing it back to hold her crutch steadily.
"Miss Grimshaw made it sound like you were in for the long haul," He furthered, gesturing over his shoulder towards the front wagon.
"Oh, um…" Natasha's eyes retreated down, and her gaze quickly found the dirt for a time as she lightly grazed over the rocky ground with her braced foot. "Just until I'm back on my feet," Natasha squinted as she looked back up to meet his eyes.
"Oh," He lifted his head a bit, seemingly processing her words, before glancing over his shoulder.
Silence fell again and Natasha chewed on her bottom lip quietly while contemplating the individual.
He seemed to want to keep talking; kicking at the dirt lightly, mimicking her previous action. Words seemed to be escaping him as much as they were her in that moment.
He really does look like… Too much like him.
The pain radiating from her chest constricted her throat and she did her best to swallow past the lump that lay there, before clearing her throat to push past the disconcerting silence.
"How long are we stopping for?" Natasha spoke up.
"Um-" He looked up quickly and then over his shoulder again. "Not sure, I thi-"
"Dutch we're heading out!" Hosea's call caught Natasha's attention and she looked past John to see Hosea on horseback, Arthur alongside him.
"Be quick you two; I wanna get moving again before midday!" Dutch waved them off as he appeared around the front wagon.
Natasha watched as the two rode off down the road ahead, before turning her gaze back to Mr. Van Der Linde as he walked towards the back of the front wagon.
His eyes shifted from the back wagon, to where she was standing with John and he seemed to smile before redirecting his course.
"I see you two are getting acquainted!" He chuckled as he walked up and grasped John's shoulders in what could only be interpreted as a fatherly gesture.
Maybe they were related. It seemed like it. She'd heard Dutch called Arthur 'son'; Hosea 'brother'; maybe they were all related in some fashion.
"We're just making a quick stop; giving the horses a rest while Hosea and Arthur scout ahead for a good spot." Dutch explained.
Natasha turned her eyes back up to him before letting them briefly flicker to John.
She finally gave a small nod, and pulled together a smile before readjusting her crutches to support more of her weight into her arms and off of her good foot.
"What would you all call a… good spot?" Natasha cleared her throat.
"Well," Dutch patted John's shoulders and gave them a small squeeze before stepping out and around him. "We try to find somewhere quiet; relatively private," Dutch gestured forward with a hand. "But for now, we're going to try and remain near town. Makes it easier to get supplies." He explained. "How are you doing, dear? How's the ride been back here?" He chuckled while resting a hand on the side of the wagon she was standing next to.
The smile came a bit easier as Natasha nodded in response to his question and glanced at the wagon to her left.
"It's been fine. I got a few hours of sleep," Natasha responded. "The sounds were… comforting." Natasha found herself smiling again before glancing towards the ground.
"Sounds?" John spoke up.
"Mm hm," Natasha nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "Just the- outdoor noises." Natasha furthered. "The crickets… rustling of the bushes… the owls, coyotes…. That sort of thing." Natasha looked down and away for a few seconds. She gave the littlest roll of her eyes at her own words before looking up. "They're comforting."
"They surely are." Dutch gave another chuckle before his eyes turned to John's horse to his left.
"That horse behaving himself, John?" Dutch asked before stepping around them to give the animal's neck a pat.
"Yeah, he's fine." John sighed.
Natasha's eyes shifted to the boy, seeing flickers of mild annoyance on his face.
"All the horses in the stable at the last town we were camped near, and young John here, managed to pick the rowdiest one," Dutch spoke quietly towards her, but the statement was clearly loud enough for John to hear. "That's my boy."
Natasha smiled when Dutch laughed heartily and patted John's shoulder once more.
The relationship looked so familial. There was no discomfort in John's expression that she could make out, although it was clear he was the least bit embarrassed. And she saw nothing but pride beaming from Dutch's face.
"We may be here for a few hours, you need anything, Miss?" Dutch asked.
"No, thank you. I'm alright." Natasha responded.
At that moment she felt… comfortable. More so than she'd been in the past few days since she'd settled in with this bunch. Seeing someone close to her age, and the obvious familial relationships that were between these folks seemed to open a door in her mind.
"I um," The words tumbled out. "My last name is Williams," Natasha got out.
Anna Williams. Yeah, that works.
While it might be counterintuitive to say she was trusting these people by giving them the other half of her fake name, in her mind, it helped reaffirm the fact that she could trust these people.
"Williams?"
Dutch's questioning voice pulled her from her thoughts and she gave him a small nod of confirmation.
"Williams." He repeated it, but more as a statement before he gave a smile that was full of warmth and… something else that eased her. "Well alright then. Miss Williams," He gestured behind him towards the front wagon. "Feel free to help yourself to anything you might need. Like I said, we'll be here a couple hours. John," Mr. Van Der Linde turned his eyes to the boy in front of her. "Give the horses some water. Should be some in the front wagon." Dutch gestured once more with a hand. "If you'll both excuse me," He gave a small amused tip of his hat before heading back towards the front of their small caravan.
Natasha watched him leave before her eyes fell on John, who was still standing there, now pretending like he hadn't already been looking at her as he quickly looked down towards his shoes. He gave an awkward clear of his throat before meeting her eyes briefly.
"Miss," He gave a dip of his head towards her before turning to head back towards the front as well.
She watched him walk off, and found a relaxed smile breaking across her face. Their John really… he reminded her of the one from her own childhood. While it made her chest ping, at the same time, it put her at ease.
Maybe she could relax around these people after all. For now.
~000~
"So you two are… together," Natasha tested the word out as she watched Annabelle's expression shift in response.
"Yes," She chuckled as she rubbed her fingers lightly along the angle of her jaw.
Flickers of… discomfort or maybe embarrassment. Natasha supposed it was technically considered a gossip topic.
"Dutch and I met in a town a long ways west of here." Annabelle explained, "There was an- altercation in town and well… We found each other." She smiled, and chuckled at the memory, before sipping from a canteen of water sitting on the ledge of the wagon, between them where they sat.
Natasha felt the corner of her lips twitch up in response as well, before she quietly cleared her throat, "So you guys aren't all- related or contracted in some way?" She treaded unsurely.
"Goodness no," Annabelle let out a laugh as she lowered the canteen and handed it towards Natasha. "None of us are related by blood." She continued to chuckle before giving the littlest shrug. "Dutch and Hosea've been raising John and Arthur for-... Well, a long time." She explained. "Arthur more than John but, I'd say Arthur's been with those two for ten years? Eleven maybe?"
Natasha noted the crease in her brow as she thought before she watched the woman roll her eyes lightly and chuckle once more.
"Sorry darlin, I haven't been here long enough to know really."
"It's okay," Nataha breathed, and shook her head to let go of the question. "You all aren't related but- You all look like you are, I suppose." Natasha tried wording the statement. "Or at least, act like it."
They did all act like family. It was odd to her. She'd never seen such familial relationships between people like this. Well… She did have her relationship with William, so that was, in a way, familiar to what these people appeared to have. But even familial relationships, in her own experience, weren't all they were cracked up to be. The only positive relationships she truly remembered having, at all, after coming to America, were the ones she had with William and her John.
Annabelle smiled at her words and gave a small nod, "Dutch has a tight knit group." She began, "He has a habit of finding people who… Need a hand in life." She tread lightly, seeming to pick her words carefully.
Natasha processed her words quietly, before giving a little nod as her eyes dotted around the ground below where her bad leg dangled off the wagon; her good leg was bent up along where she was sitting, facing towards Annabelle.
Natasha snaked a hand down to her braced leg and rubbed lightly just above her knee to try and rub away the soreness. The swelling was coming back.
"You alright, darlin?" Annabelle leaned over, appearing in Natasha's peripheral view.
"Mm hm," Natasha hummed before returning her hands to her lap. "Just a little sore s'all." She explained quietly.
"Why don't ya stretch your legs for a little while," She hopped out of the wagon and turned to face her. "I need to catalogue some of the supplies in the back wagon anyhow."
Natasha gave her a small smile before nodding in agreement. Sliding off the wagon carefully, with some help from Annabelle, Natasha grabbed her aids that were leaning against the wagon.
Getting herself situated she gave Annabelle another small smile before looking out and about.
"Thank you for um- talking with me, Miss." Natasha nodded and tried to keep her eyes up. Force of habit - keeping them down.
"Anytime hon," Annabelle chuckled and briefly touched her hand to Natasha's arm.
It was intended to be a comforting gesture. Another habit of hers: Overanalyze every gesture, touch, look… It was exhausting, but she had to.
Once Annabelle walked away, Natasha sorted out her crutches, and carefully made her way around the front wagon towards the horses.
The horses were still hooked up to the wagons, and the individual mounts were grazing to the left of the wagons, off the road on the few patches of course grass.
The area was buzzing with the sounds of insects, cicadas most likely. Cacti and other coarse flora scattered the softly rolling landscape that was molded by rock.
Heading to the front of the wagon, Natasha's eyes met the two horses hooked up. Clucking her tongue lightly to announce her presence, Natasha slowly made her way forward and around the horses.
Her vocation caught the attention of the horse closest to her. It nickered, turning to look at her with perked ears as she came to stand in front of it.
She adjusted her crutches to free a hand and ran her fingers along the horse's muzzle before combing them through the forelock.
The animal pushed lightly against her hand before lowering its head, and she shifted to pet the other horse.
Whenever she needed to get away from Adrik, she'd go to the barn. If William wasn't there, she'd spend her time petting the stalled horses.
They have a habit of making everything just a little bit better, William had said. He'd told her that whenever she needed to get away from Adrik, he'd always be around.
She'd always go to Cal's stall first, if he was in the barn, and either sit in the stall with him, or lean against the outside of the stall door and pet him for as long as he'd let her.
Even as a fully grown adult, Cal would lay down and sleep on the ground of the stall, all sprawled out like a newborn colt. She sometimes sat with him while he snoozed and made little braids in his mane.
God, she missed that horse. The guilt still ate at her every day she laid eyes on another equine that he was out there, somewhere, because of her.
Natasha clenched her jaw and tried to push the thoughts away as she gently rubbed the horse's muzzle before lowering her hand with a quiet sigh.
The fact that she was balancing on one leg dawned on her soon after, and she looked down at her feet. Her eyes latched onto the brace and with a gently knit brow, she tested putting a little weight onto the bad leg.
As quickly as the thought came into her head, she shot all of her weight back onto her good foot with a quick intake of breath as she caught her crutches clumsily.
Bad idea.
"I admire your determination, Miss, but maybe give it a couple more weeks, there." The chuckle came from behind her and she looked over her shoulder to see Dutch coming around the horses.
"Mr. Van Der Linde," Natasha greeted quietly as she adjusted her aids under her and distributed her weight properly on them. "I was feeling brave." She breathed out with subtle amusement as she met his eyes briefly, noting the smile he wore.
"Nothing wrong with that it'all." He put his hands up briefly, cigar in hand, before stroking the horse closest to him with the other. Natasha stood on the other side of the other horse. "With what you've been through, there is no other word I would use to describe."
He sounded like William. It made her smile.
She let the smile remain on her face for a few seconds, before she adjusted her crutches to briefly pet one of the horses once more.
"I suppose… My hopes don't quite match up with reality." Natasha tried to laugh as she looked away from him and down towards her feet.
The sheer battle ahead of her was too much to contemplate at times. Laughing it off was… One of the only ways she was able to contain her fear.
"Nonsense!" The response came quickly and Natasha looked back up at him. "The only hindrance you face - that any of us face - is time." He gestured towards her braced leg. "A couple weeks, dear, and you'll be on your feet like none of this ever happened."
She smiled and nodded, letting her eyes fall for a brief time; letting the heel of her shoe loosely scuff at the dirt.
"And as for hope, well," He chuckled as he looped a thumb into the pocket of his vest with his free hand.
"To live without hope is to cease to live," His gaze drifted off towards the road ahead of them.
Natasha repeated the words over in her head. They sounded familiar.
"Is- that a quote, sir?" Natasha tried in a quiet voice.
He chuckled before putting his hands up in a surrendering fashion.
"It is," He nodded.
Goodness, that sounds so familiar…
Giving the thought a few more seconds of consideration, Natasha finally pushed it aside and gave Dutch a small nod of understanding before looking out over the road ahead of them.
The sun was getting lower in the sky. It had been several hours since they'd stopped; since Mr. Matthews and Mr. Morgan left to 'scout ahead' as Dutch had called it.
She squinted as she continued to look ahead before she turned her eyes towards the man.
"If I may ask, Mr. Van Der Linde, but… Why west?"
It was an honest question. She was heading west for different reasons than most. She was fleeing law and her family. Something these people, she knew, were not.
"West?" He repeated.
Natasha gave him a small nod as she went back to petting one of the horses, both of her crutches nestled under her arms.
"Well that is the direction of freedom, Miss." She could practically see the twinkle in his eye as he chuckled and continued in his words.
He sounded so much like William. How he talked of the west and the opportunities that lie there. Just like William in her youth, she could see that same thirst for adventure in this man as he spoke.
As she continued to eye him, she noticed after a couple of seconds that he raised an eyebrow and she quickly felt her smile falter, as she cleared her throat.
"I'm sorry?"
He laughed once more before repeating the question, "Why are you heading west? Hosea mentioned you were- heading that way as well," He furthered.
She also told Hosea she was meeting family out that way. Something he later revealed that he knew to be a lie, from what she could only imagine, as her drunken confessions while under the influence of the pain medications the Doctor had given her. Perhaps he spared Dutch that much of her story.
"I um," Natasha thought off a few possible responses in her head but felt them all leaving a sour taste in her mouth.
She was tired of lying but… She couldn't voice the truth.
"I'm not sure." She finally admitted, with the littlest of nods. It was the truth, in a way. "I don't know… What I'm looking for yet. But I hope whatever it is, I'll know when I'll find it." The words were as honest as she could make them in her current position.
He smiled at her words and dipped his head silently in understanding, before raising the cigar to his lips.
Her words repeated in her mind and she felt the quip coming up before she could really consider it.
"Whatever it is I'm looking for, I just need it to not lie in the east," She sighed before looking ahead.
The comment earned her another laugh from Dutch as he puffed out some smoke from the cigar, before it lowered into a continued chuckle.
"You and me both," He shook his head in amusement, and Natasha felt some semblance of relief in his response. It validated her in a way; earning a smile - making him laugh.
It was as easy to make this man, Mr. Van Der Linde, smile - as it would have been to make Adrik angry. And it was a nice change.
A growing thunder of a noise broke Natasha from her thoughts as she looked up and saw two horsemen heading in their direction on the road. A couple seconds passed, and she came to recognize the riders.
"There you are!" Dutch's voice grew loud, and Natasha turned to him quickly in response. "You two were gone long enough, I imagine you found us something?"
"We did," Hosea responded as he dismounted his horse. "Good spot called Arrowhead Plat. Few hours from town. It's secluded, and it'll give us a height advantage. Northwest of here," Hosea pointed out from where they'd come from. "Few hours out."
"Well it sounds like a dream, I'll take your word on that." Dutch tossed his cigar out and patted Arthur on the back as the younger man passed by with his horse.
"Everyone!" Dutch called out as he turned, gesturing an arm out towards Natasha for her to accompany him around the wagon. "Let's get things in order. We're heading out!"
Natasha quickly adjusted her crutches and followed him towards the back of their little caravan.
"Only a few more hours of this, I promise." He chuckled as he got around to the wagon she'd spent the journey in, and hopped in the back.
"There are worse places to be, Mr. Van Der Linde." Natasha tried to ease his apologeticness.
"Very true, my dear, very true." He chuckled before helping her up into the wagon.
She did her best to allow the contact without turning too stiff, and forced herself to relax as he helped her down into a seated position in the back of the wagon.
"You need anything before we head out, Miss Williams?"
"No, thank you." Natasha nodded as she let her hands rest in her lap, over her long skirt.
He gave a small tip of his hat before hopping out of the wagon. Disappearing around the wagon, Natasha noted his hand remained grasping the side of the wagon, despite him being out of sight, before he reappeared in her view.
"I know we've already made this clear, but… Until you know what you're looking for, you're welcome to stick with us as long as you'd like, Miss."
The statement seemed sincere, and despite his expression appearing just as such, Natasha found her expression stiff as she mulled it over.
"I- appreciate that, thank you." She finally forced out a response and tried to smile.
He seemed to notice her struggle, but thankfully spared her any further acknowledgment of the fact, and patted the side of the wagon before disappearing around it.
~000~
When the wagons finally came to a stop, Natasha was eager to get back on her feet. They'd traveled up in elevation. That she could feel in the wagon, as the angle of their trek increased, and despite not needing to worry, she felt like she would have slid out the back at times.
She didn't wait for assistance as she scooted along the back of the wagon, dragging her messenger bag along with her, as she made her way to the ledge.
Sliding her crutches out, she heaved herself off, awkwardly catching the side of the wagon to keep herself on her good foot, before she collected herself and her belongings accordingly.
A small, but accommodating clearing was just in sight ahead of the wagons. Glancing around behind her, Natasha took in their actual elevation. Hosea had said Arrowhead Plat… They were on a plateau. She'd only seen such natural formations in postcards and photographs. Now she was standing on one.
The land below the road they'd taken gradually met that of the normal ground level off of the plateau maybe half a mile away.
Trees scattered what land she could see, both on and off the plateau, along with cacti and other flora of the landscape.
"Oh my lord- Miss Williams,"
Natasha turned quickly to see Susan Grimshaw walking hastily towards her.
"Wait for someone to assist you next time," Her voice was stern, and Natasha did her best to swallow the underlying nerves creeping up into her subconscious, as she nodded in response.
"I'm sorry, Miss Grimshaw, I just-"
"Don't apologize, dear. Just take it easy, please." She sighed before going around Natasha to grab one of the boxes from the wagon.
Natasha watched Susan head towards the clearing beyond the wagons and found herself following loosely behind.
Everyone was doing something. Dutch and Hosea were unloading the first wagon. She noted Arthur walked past on the other side towards the back wagon. John was tying some of their individual mounts up a few paces away.
Eyes drawing further into the small clearing, Natasha carefully made her way further over the partially grassed ground.
Annabelle was piling some supplies near one of the trees, closer to the plateau's western edge.
The sun was setting over the horizon behind the woman, and Natasha tried to take a mental picture of the scene before her.
"Anna," Annabelle spoke up in greeting as Natasha finally made her way over.
Natasha gave her a small smile and a nod in response.
"Quite the view isn't it." She stood up, brushing her hands off on her skirt before placing them loosely on her hips as she turned towards where Natasha was looking.
"Nothing like what I'm used to," Natasha admitted as her eyes grazed over the view. A small cluster of tiny buildings in the far off distance to the southwest caught her eye, but did little to distract her from the overall view, as she took it all in.
She felt Annabelle smile out of the corner of her eye before the woman patted her arm lightly, and went back to work.
Adjusting her crutches, Natasha made her way several steps further, to where the grass turned to rock, and the edge of the sheer cliff downward stood only feet ahead of her.
You'll see many incredible things for the first time when you're out west, William had said. But I guarantee that a good Ol' sunset on the frontier will leave you speechless.
Her eyes traced the horizon and the mountains in the distance. The subtle hues of color that streaked the sky stole any words away that she could've possibly used to describe them. William was right. It left her breathless. It was beautiful.
Feedback is appreciated if you're reading and enjoying :)
