Childcare: Stages of Development

Assignment #9, Task #1: Infancy - Write about adding a new member to the family.

House: Ravenclaw

Word count: 2801

Summary: The war was getting worse by the second and nobody out of their little group of friends was feeling much hope. The only things that kept Sirius going were the birth of his godson, his love for his friends and boyfriend, and his own plans for the future.

Enjoy!


A Ray Of Sunshine In A World Of Darkness

Green as freshly cut grass on a spring morning.

Green as the most valuable emerald money could buy.

Green as the leaves on the trees swaying in the wind.

Just one look at those eyes and Sirius was done for. He knew now what had captured James' attention all of those years ago. No matter how often his brother assured everyone that it had been his wife's fierce and loyal nature that had drawn him in, Sirius knew better.

It had to be those eyes because that green was truly one of a kind. Well, two of a kind, he thought merrily as he looked down into the very same eyes of the baby who two of the people he loved most had announced his godson.

He didn't know what he had done to deserve this incredible honour, but here he was, holding Harry James Potter tightly yet gently, admiring his beautiful, innocent eyes. Eyes that, he knew, would see lots of pain and love at the same time. Voldemort was out there, and this little angel was who the mad man was after. He couldn't understand how anyone could even think about hurting someone as small and precious as his godson, how someone could actively set out to destroy his life forever.

But he had known from the moment that he had found out little Harry was on his way that he would do everything in his power to protect him. He would give his all to make sure that this little boy had all he could wish for and more.

He wanted him to have a childhood he'd think back to happily, remembering it fondly, knowing that he was loved. So loved.

He wanted his life to be better than his own.

"Wishing males could get pregnant yet?"

Sirius blinked away the moisture that had gathered in his eyes, unnoticed, and looked up at James. His friend stood in front of him, hands inside his jean's pockets, teasing smirk on his lips and worry in his eyes.

"Ah, that would be Remus' job," Sirius quipped, quickly gathering his witty attitude that he had lost whilst staring at the baby in his arms. "He's the girl in our relationship."

"I'd love to hear what he'd say to that."

"I doubt it. He'd hate it and you know he would."

James' eyebrows jumped up and he nodded. "Yeah, he'd hate it."

"Still…"

A heavy silence filled the room and Sirius could feel the gaze of his brother resting leadenly on his shoulders.

"Still," James said softly, knowing what Sirius wanted but couldn't say.

The cushion next to him dipped down as James slowly lowered himself onto the couch. "Have you talked to him about it?"

A humourless laugh escaped Sirius. "He has other things to worry about right now."

"How do you know? Maybe he's also thinking about having kids but assumes that you're too busy with all of the missions the Order sends you on."

Sirius looked at James. The compassionate smile on his face looked painful.

"Don't start."

"Why not? James, this isn't healthy."

"I know it isn't, but what options do we have? None. So, we have to make the best of what we have." James ran his hands through his hair before resting his elbows on his knees, staring at the hardwood floor underneath their feet.

Sirius stayed silent, just watching his brother fight to not fall apart.

The young father looked up after a couple of tense seconds, eyes focusing on the baby held in Sirius' arms.

"I can't do anything that would put him at risk," he said softly.

Sirius swallowed painfully as he saw James' hazel eyes well up with tears that he didn't try to hide. They were past that point, or at least his brother was. Sirius needed to be strong for James. He couldn't allow himself to show him how much he was suffering under the situation because what he was going through was nothing compared to what the Potters were experiencing.

"I'm scared, Sirius," James said, and when he looked up, Sirius clenched his teeth at the anguish in his face. "I'm so scared that something will go wrong and all we've done so far will be for nothing. That we will fail to protect him and that he will have to pay the price for it."

"Did Dumbledore say how long you'll have to stay in hiding for?"

James sighed. "We've only just put up the Fidelius, Padfoot, I think we'll have to stay under it for a bit longer."

He sniffed and wiped his hand over his eyes, removing the tears that had run down his cheeks. "But that's one more reason why you should talk to Remus about this," James said almost desperately. "All of this can be over so soon – too soon – to not live life to the fullest. I don't want you to regret anything, Sirius."

Sirius looked down at his godson again, his green eyes now closed. He had incredibly long eyelashes, something he had inherited from James' side of the family, that rested softly against his rosy cheeks.

"Okay," he mumbled and bent down to press his lips against Harry's taintless forehead. Everything about this baby was perfect, including who had brought him into this world. "Okay."

He stood up and turned to his brother, who slowly rose from his slouched position. Carefully, he placed Harry into his father's arms and gently pushed the boy's hair to the side. It was getting longer already. They'd soon need to give him his first haircut.

"Thank you."

Sirius looked up from his godson to his best friend and brother and swallowed at the sincereness in his gaze. There was more to that than a mere reaction to being handed his son. No, there was a deep gratitude in James' voice, and Sirius didn't like it at all. It felt final, and he tried his best to push the uneasy, almost panicky feeling aside.

"Live, Sirius. Make the best out of what you have. But for that, you'll need Remus."

Easier said than done, Sirius thought, disgruntled, as he stood in his and Remus' living room a couple minutes later, still covered in soot from the fireplace he had just climbed out of.

One question that had bothered him for a while now was how someone could justify bringing life into the world like the one they were existing in now. You couldn't call it living. Becoming parents, grandparents, and siblings was something special, a perfect day for most, one that the majority who had ever been in a situation like that would remember for the rest of their life – in a positive way. How was it possible to combine something so pure and fulfilling with the life they were forced to lead under the constant fear that this second could be their last?

He couldn't fathom it and yet something inside him made him hesitate. Maybe James was right, after all. Maybe creating so much joy during dark times was what would help everyone to get through it until better days would come. Maybe…

Maybe.

He would never know. No one could say for certain. The only thing he knew was that James and Lily had trusted him to hold their new-born, to make him his godfather, no matter his upbringing and his blood. And that was what counted. Not what was being forced on him but what he chose to portray, what he chose to be on a daily basis.

He brushed off the majority of the soot off his leather jacket and trousers, kicked off his dirty Converse, and left the room in search for his boyfriend. He needed to have this conversation with him now, because if not now, then when? Now was as good a time as any if he were to trust James, and he trusted that man with his life.

"Remus?" Sirius called out and peeked into the kitchen. There was a lonely mug sitting on top of their dining table with the chair standing in front of it slightly ajar, but other than that, the room was vacant.

He glanced into every room on his way through the house and even fully entered the library Remus had persisted of having to make sure he wasn't either too focused on a book to notice him or fast asleep on one of his volumes of The History of Protection Spells and How to Improve Them by Valentine Loriss. He didn't understand why he was so fascinated by that series, as Lily had told them that it was a mere collection of protection spells that were too outdated to use, let alone work on to improve, but he guessed that it had something to do with Remus feeling like he wasn't able to help much.

Dumbledore had asked him to infiltrate Voldeturd's werewolves and he had been more than eager to dive in head-first, but Sirius had put his foot down, threatening him to not be there when he'd come home from his mission. It was one thing to support the Order, but it was a different matter altogether if that involved going against everything that you were and doing the exact opposite of what you stood for. Lucky for Sirius, Remus had accepted without much of a discussion. After all, he would have reacted the same way had Dumbledore requested Sirius to go back to his Death Eater family and take the turd's mark.

Be pooped on, so to speak.

Sirius snickered at his own joke as he walked through the hallway and up the stairs, leading to the first floor. Once he'd set foot onto the carpeted floor, he didn't have to search for long.

The first door on the right was their bedroom. It wasn't overly large, but big enough to house a double bed with floral bedding – a gift from Lily when they had moved in –, complete with a small dresser in which they kept their underwear and socks, as well as a huge standing mirror in one corner. It wasn't much – especially compared to what he had grown up being used to –, but it was theirs. It was more than enough.

Upon looking into the cosy room, however, Sirius faltered.

"Remus?"

His boyfriend didn't react as he sat there at the foot of their bed, holding a picture frame in his hands. He had an odd look on his face as he gazed at, what Sirius assumed to be, a picture of sorts, a mixture between confusion, nostalgia, love, and a lot of pain.

"Love? Are you alright?" He slowly, almost cautiously, walked into the room, his steps muffled by the fluffy carpet on the floor.

A soft sign was the first reaction Remus showed upon having heard him at all. He took a deep breath, lowered the frame, and sat up straight before looking at Sirius.

"Hey," he breathed, but the smile on his face didn't reach his eyes.

"Hey."

Sirius wasn't sure what to do, but he figured standing there, in the middle of the room, wearing a leather jacket indoors, like an absolute idiot wasn't really helping the situation. He shrugged the jacket off and let it fall to the ground behind him, not giving it a second glance. Much to Remus' displeasure, but the disgruntled frown on his pale face was more than Sirius needed to walk the two metres to the bed, sit down beside him, and wrap his arm around the other's waist.

Remus took a deep breath but didn't say anything for an eternity. The sun was going down outside their bedroom window, yet neither of them moved to turn on the lights.

"Will it ever be like it used to be?"

There was so much pain and desperation in that question that Sirius felt the pit in his stomach open anew. Having talked to James earlier today, even though it had been a happy visit to meet his godson, had given him enough emotional baggage to deal with for today.

"What do you mean?" he whispered, afraid to scare Remus if he'd talk at a normal volume.

The brunette lifted the frame to show rather than tell him what he meant, and Sirius understood instantly.

It was a picture that had been taken in their second year on a day that he remembered all too well. It had been the morning after James and he had told Remus that they knew about his condition and would stand by him no matter what. The pure image of joy and elation on young Remus' face as well as the youth and naivety on his and James' were shocking and a visual punch in the gut. Peter, standing between Remus und James, had still been rather hesitant about being around them, still very shy and insecure about everything. Sirius liked to believe that that had changed throughout the years, as taking on the task of the Secret Keeper wasn't something second-year Peter would have even thought about doing, and yet, their friend jumped at the opportunity to help.

He had grown alongside them, maturing as time had passed and traumatic events had occurred.

"Not anytime soon," Sirius said sullenly, eyes still trained on James' carefree and beaming face, so different from what he had seen earlier today. "No."

Tense silence stretched on after those words and neither man tried to break it as the sun continued to set outside their little bubble of hopelessness and suppressed fear.

"And there's nothing we can do to change that." Remus sighed and covered his face with his free hand. "This is so frustrating, having to sit at home, not being allowed to try and change the world for the better. To fight for our right to live."

Sirius bit his lip, his eyes still focused on the grinning James from nearly a decade ago, and in this moment, he decided to just go for it. There would never be the correct time to address the topic, not with a war raging and a mad man threatening to destroy everything they knew and loved.

"Remus, love," he started hesitantly before taking the picture out of his hand, putting it behind them onto the bed, and turning to face his boyfriend. Gently, he took both of the other's hands in his, waiting until Remus looked him in the eye before continuing, "I wanted to ask you something for a long time now. I was waiting for the perfect timing to bring it up, but James made me see that there isn't a moment better than the present. So, Remus, you know I love you more than my own life. You have supported me when others have attacked me, you have stuck with me through thick and thin and accepted my weird mannerisms that, honestly, are horrible sometimes—"

"Only sometimes?"

"I will ignore that comment. What I wanted to say was—"

"Yes."

Sirius blinked, taken aback as much as someone could be taken aback. "Yes?"

"Yes."

"But— But you don't even know what I was going to ask you."

"There can only be two things that you could ask me because those are the things that you haven't asked me yet. One is to marry is and the other is to adopt a child. Well, of course you could also ask me to leave the country, but something tells me that that isn't what you were going for."

Sirius baulked and stared at his now smirking partner. "How did you—"

"I know you, Sirius. Probably better than you know yourself." He pulled Sirius' hands up to his face and pressed his soft lips against his knuckles. "I've talked to the other half of the Potter couple yesterday and we've come to the same conclusion as I'm assuming you and James have come to."

Sirius just blinked at Remus, his mouth moving on autopilot as he tried to get at least some words out that would describe what he wanted to say.

He didn't have to, however, as his boyfriend let go of one of his hands and used his now free one to gently push a stray piece of hair out of his face. It was getting longer already, he noticed, almost absent-mindedly, as his eyes took in every millimetre of that wonderful man's face. He'd need a haircut soon.

"Let's look into adoption, Sirius," Remus said quietly as if it was their secret and not one piece of their furniture was allowed to hear it. "Let's find out what we have to do in order to become parents."

"And bring a bit of light back into this dark world."

"You got it."