Loki smiled.
Heh. What did others know of pain? Others like Thor? He thought. He had been mind controlled, he had betrayed his own family and regretted it, had always been overshadowed by his brother, had never got the chance to prove himself to his father and had also been outright tortured by Thanos. He wondered what Thor thought of him. Probably as though I'm a monster thought Loki bitterly.
It wasn't that Loki didn't admit he was wrong. He knew what he was and wanted to make up for it but he knew nobody would believe him if he did change because they were busy believing that he was a villain and had nothing to do but to betray. Loki smiled yet again. Well, of course, now he was known as the Prince of Lies and Mischief when he was no such thing.
Loki kept on smiling. Others might think that he was a madman and was smiling because he had yet another plan but if anybody knew the real reason, it was that this smile was a painful one, filled with memories of his evil deeds, betrayals and sadness. This smile was done to show that Loki had lost all hope in himself. The hope that he could be redeemed.
Thor may say that he still believed in Loki but Loki knew his doubts about him very well and those doubts and the rest of the people's doubts had made Loki believe that he simply couldn't be redeemed. That it wasn't in his nature. Just like everybody else thought.
With a pang, Loki remembered that he was only 16 when he had let go of the staff- he hadn't done it to end everything- he had let go because he knew there was an invisible portal underneath him. He was just 18 now and now he knew that he had made a horrible mistake letting go of the staff without thinking once about his family's reaction and about where he'd end up. He had just simply let go.
Mother... what would she have thought of me...?
Loki curled up into a ball as he thought about this. He had wasted all the time he could've spent
with his family, the time he could've studied, the time he could've made friends and for what? For the throne?
Heh.
Loki knew deep inside that it wasn't the throne he had wasted his life for. It was a desperate attempt to prove himself. To impress his father. To show him he could do something. That he amounted just as same as Thor did. That he was Thor's equal. But nobody saw him in that light.
They never did and they never will.
He didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't know the point of living in this cell. He didn't want to eat anything but he did only to not worry his mother and it terrified him to think that his mother would've forgotten him by now. He just wanted all the pain to end for him. He just wanted to be at peace. To show his family once and for all that he had redeemed himself. But how would they believe him after what he had done?
It's hopeless he thought, depressed.
Author's Note: I am very well aware that I literally haven't written anything on Marvel besides the Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness book and I wanted to change that.
Anyway, I had written this a long time ago... long before I started writing on and I decided that I should publish it because I really wanted to.
Anyway, I made a few modifications to it... and here it is!
I am sorry for it being emotional tho... But hey, when you're talking about Loki... then what can happen?
