Spring

Olivia isn't sure what to expect as she climbs the steps towards Elliot's apartment, following his text message that morning.

"Hey Liv, are you and Noah free this afternoon? I've got something to show you."

It's been three months since she last saw Elliot, three months since Elliot invited Olivia and Noah to come over for Christmas dinner. Three months since Olivia politely turned down his offer to attend. Olivia had planned on attending, yet at the last moment apprehension consumed her and she bailed, with a "Sorry, something else has come up. Maybe we can catch up next time?"

Despite reaffirming their friendship, the idea of being with Elliot and his family during Christmas felt too intimate, it felt too soon. Olivia had meant to follow through with her word. Yet work, family and other commitments took over and they hadn't made contact since.

Olivia is hesitant about coming today, particularly when she called Elliot and he refused to tell her what this is about. "It's a surprise Liv. I know Noah will love it."

Since when did Elliot do surprises?

Noah however, overheard their phone call and grew excited when he heard his name mentioned and the word surprise.

Now, Olivia's standing in front of Elliot's front door, apprehension twisting knots in her stomach, while Noah bounces on the balls of his feet, inexplicably excited to find out what this is about and possibly, to meet Elliot. Noah's always been curious about the mysterious man in his mother's photo, who's laughing into the camera, arm wrapped around her shoulder, the photo of him and his mum holding the top position on their shelf. Noah has asked about Elliot multiple times, but beyond sharing "We're partners who used to work together," Olivia's never been able to give him a satisfactory answer. She's worried that if she shares anymore, Noah will ask why Elliot left and if Olivia has known him for so long, why he's never come around for dinner before like Barba, Nick, Finn and Carisi.

Olivia doesn't think she could give Noah an answer.

As Olivia stares at Elliot's front door, she wonders if she's ready for them to meet.

"Mom?"

Olivia startles, breaking out from her thoughts. Noah tilts his head to the side, his eyes blinking questioningly up at her. Olivia runs her fingers through his curls lovingly and says, "Let's see what this is about then."

Olivia knocks on the door. At first, she hears heavy footsteps scrambling and a thud. Then she hears mummers and Elliot's voice, "Eli, can you hold him? I'll get the door."

Elliot swings the door open. His cheeks lift into a smile when he sees her, a mixture of surprise and joy passing his features. "Liv, you came. I wasn't sure if you would make it."

Olivia mirrors his smile. "Well, Noah overheard our phone call and was excited to see what this was all about. And I'm actually pretty curious myself."

At the mentioning of his name, Noah steps out shyly from behind his mom, looking up at Elliot with guarded eyes. Olivia steps to the side and says warmly, "Noah, this is my friend Elliot."

Elliot crouches down to Noah's level, his voice softening with a new tenderness. "Hey Noah, it's great to finally meet you. Liv's told me so much about you."

Noah studies his profile for a moment, chocolate-coloured eyes blinking up at him curiously. Then he says, "You look different from the photos." Noah misses the quick glance Elliot shares with Olivia at this, and continues curiously, "You used to work with my Mum?"

"That's right, I did."

Olivia can tell there are more questions bubbling at the back of his tongue, and she's not sure if she's ready for it yet.

Fortunately, Elliot says "I'm glad you could come. I wanted to show you and your Mom something." He tilts his head inside the house, his smile twinkling in his eyes. "Want to come in?"

Elliot steps aside, inviting them into the hallway.

Noah steps inside first, and almost cries out with excitement, his eyes brightening and expanding to the size of moons. There in the middle of the living room sitting in Eli's lap is a brown, toy poodle, trembling all over with excitement, his tail beating against Eli's thighs furiously.

"It's a puppy!"

Eli laughs at Noah's excitement. "He's a toy poodle. We adopted him from the pound." Eli smiles warmly at Noah. "You're Noah, right? My name's Eli, and this little guy's name is Charlie. Did you want to pat him?"

Noah nods eagerly and bounds over. He falls to his knees, scratching the dog between his ears and running his hands through his coffee-coloured curls. Soon, Charlie leaps out from Eli's lap and onto Noah, showering him with wet kisses. Noah laughs and falls to his back, surrendering to Charlie's love attack.

Olivia breathes out an incredulous laugh, shaking her head slightly. "Wow, you adopted a dog. I wasn't expecting that."

Elliot smiles, watching Noah play with Charlie. "I brought him for Eli. I thought it would be good, to help teach him some responsibility. And after everything he went through last year…" Elliot's voice trails off, then he swallows. He says, "I thought it would be nice to have Charlie around, for all of us. He's definitely been good company for Bernie while we're away."

Olivia nods. She says softly, "I think it's a fantastic idea. And clearly Noah's in love."

Indeed, Noah is lying on the ground, laughing as Charlie crawls over his body, sniffing his curls and licking his face.

Elliot watches Noah, his heart swelling at the sight of Noah's joy.

"It was sweet of you to think of inviting Noah," Olivia continues quietly. "He's been begging me for weeks to get a dog. We just don't have the space…or the time."

"I'm glad you could both come." Elliot turns to face her, hesitates, then says "We missed you both last Christmas. Bernie was asking after you."

Olivia winces slightly. "I wanted to be there. I just…the idea of seeing you and your family after all these years…" Olivia closes her lips, hesitates, struggling to find the words. She tries again, "It felt overwhelming. It felt too soon."

Elliot searches her eyes, his brows knitting together in a slight frown. "Too soon? I don't understand."

Olivia folds her arms, trying to find the words. "Elliot, you have to understand that this – this has been confusing for me. Since you gave me that letter, I spent weeks thinking that everything between us all those years ago was in my head. Then you disappear for months without a word, then you appear at my door in the middle of the night…" Olivia stops, trying to find the point in her message. Finally, she meets his eyes and says, "I guess I'm still adjusting to this change, and I'm still working out how to fit you in my life. And I know when Noah would meet you, he would have all these questions and I didn't know if I was ready to hear you answer them. I needed time."

Elliot swallows, a new ache tugging in his chest and tensing his facial muscles. He nods slowly, understanding. He was foolish to think that Olivia would accept his invitation like they could pick up from where they left off, as if the past twelve years hadn't changed.

Olivia squeezes his arm gently, her eyes softening onto his. "I'm sorry, I should have called and explained rather than blowing you off."

Eliot shakes his head. "You don't need to apologise Liv."

Elliot knows that she's the last person who needs to apologise.

Olivia studies him for a moment. Then she says with a small smile, "I'm glad you invited us today. It's good to see you again."

Elliot lifts his eyes up to hers, mirroring her smile. "You to. You look good Liv."

Olivia's eyes bloom with surprise. She tilts her head to the side, studying him curiously. There's a new heat in his eyes, like black fire dancing in his gaze as he studies her. It's the same look he gave her months ago.

"He's so fluffy." Noah's voice radiates pure joy, grabbing her attention before she can give his look anymore thought. Noah is on his hands and knees, face to face with Charlie who is wagging his tail in the air and yapping joyfully. "Mom, can we please get a dog?"

Olivia laughs at Noah's excitement. She casts Elliot a I told you so look. "Noah we've been through this. We don't have the space for a dog." And I barely have the time to care for us, let alone another animal.

Elliot sees Noah's face fall, looking despondent. He walks over to Noah, crouches down and says, "Hey Noah, would you like to come and play with Charlie on the weekends? We could use your help to take him for his walks."

Noah lifts his head up, his eyes brightening with hope. "Really?"

Eli nods. "Actually, we were going to take Charlie to the dog park today. Kathleen, Maureen and her kids, Kieran and Seamus, were going to come as well before dinner. Did you want to come too?"

Noah snaps his head up to Olivia, his eyes pleading with hers. "Can we Mom?"

Olivia smiles and nods slowly. "I don't see why not." She glances at Elliot and says, "My car's parked just outside. I can drive if you like?"

It's quiet when they get to the park. The sun's just beginning to set, washing the sky in swirls of fiery orange, purple and cotton candy pink.

They're playing football; it's Elliot, Eli and Noah versus Kathleen, Maureen, and her kids. As they run, kick and pass the ball, Charlie chases after them, yapping at their heels.

Olivia chooses to keep Bernie company on the park bench. Besides, she's doesn't trust herself to run and kick in her two-inch heel boots. Olivia watches the way Elliot interacts with Noah, the tender care he shows him. Olivia watches Elliot high five Noah and cheer out his name when he scores a goal. At one point, the ball is caught in the tree and Elliot lets Noah climb up onto his shoulders so he can reach the ball.

"He's so good with kids."

Bernie's voice catches Olivia off guard, saying what was on her mind.

"He is," Olivia replies, never taking her eyes off the field.

They score another goal, and Olivia watches Elliot lift Noah into the air in celebration. Noah throws his hands in the air and his head back, his eyes dancing with light and his laughter infectious. The sight makes her heart melt. Despite the twelve aching years Olivia spent moving on and her tireless efforts this year to keep Elliot at bay, she finds herself falling for him all over again.

"What about Noah's father?" Bernie suddenly asks, turning to face her. "Does he like to play sports too?"

"Oh, Noah's father passed away."

Bernie's eyes soften, her face sombre. "I'm so sorry."

Olivia shakes her head, feeling the need to explain. "Noah's adopted. He never met his real father."

Bernie's eyes widen. "Oh." Her eyes soften onto Olivia's, staring at her with a new tenderness. "So, you raised him alone?" At her nod, Bernie smiles, shaking her head slowly. "That can't have been easy with your work."

"I wouldn't call it easy. But Noah is a blessing, he's made me stronger. I wouldn't have had it any other way."

Bernie bows her head into a nod, hears the fearlessness resonating in her tone. She's silent for a moment, then asks "Does Elliot know?"

Olivia startles, taken back at the question. "Know, about Noah?"

Bernie nods. "Does he know that he's adopted?"

"I don't see how that matters."

"Forgive me, that's not what I meant dear," Bernie says quickly, hearing the testy edge in Olivia's tone. "I'm sure Elliot's curious about who Noah's father is, curious as to who you chose to settle down with after all these years."

"Oh…" Olivia pauses for a moment, lowering her eyes, letting her words sink in.

Olivia recalls their conversation at the police station. Do you want to know my dating history detective?

When Olivia lifts her gaze again, she sees Bernie studying her with the slight tilt of her head, a questioning look in her eyes. Olivia explains, "He actually asked me if I was seeing anyone."

Bernie nods, a slight smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She turns her head back out to the game and murmurs, "I'm not surprised."

Before Olivia can give her reply any deeper thought, she hears her name.

"Olivia!"

Kathleen's jogging up to her, eyes wide with urgency, face flushed. Immediately, Olivia looks past Kathleen and to her son, who is on the ground, his knee pulled up to his chin, face wet with tears and contorted in pain.

In a flash, Olivia is out of her seat and bolting over.

She runs past Maureen and Eli, hearing Charlie bark behind her as she does so, their bodies blurring into the background. Olivia arrives, breathless.

"Noah, are you okay?"

Her eyes quickly assess him as she kneels down. He seems calmer, although a little teary.

Elliot is knelt next to him, his hand running soothingly down his back.

Noah lifts his head up, his tears ceasing. "I fell over."

Olivia reaches out for his cheek, then runs her hand down his side to squeeze his hand. She searches for the source of pain, finding a nasty, two-inch cut slashed down his shin, leaving behind a deep, hot red wound.

"Oh honey…"

Noah grits his teeth through the pain. "It's okay." He blinks back tears, then says in a quieter voice, "It stings bad though."

Olivia searches the rest of his body, relieved when she finds no other injuries.

Elliot's eyes soften when he sees the pain Noah's in, his heart aching. He can feel Olivia's distress vibrating from her body.

Elliot says, "He tripped over. But he made a hell of a goal before he fell."

Noah lifts his head, his tears briefly ceasing. "Did I get the ball in?"

Elliot's lips crack into a smile. "Yeah, you did buddy."

Olivia shifts her gaze between the two, the anxious knots in her heart briefly easing as she sees Noah's lips tug into a wobbly smile.

Olivia squeezes his hand and says, "I'm so proud of you honey. Come on, do you think you can stand?"

Olivia and Elliot help Noah stand. He balances on one leg, wincing a little when he attempts to move his injured leg. Elliot offers Noah his hand and he reaches for it, leaning on Elliot's side as they walk back to the car.

The rest of the family catches up with them and they fall into conversation, recounting the game and all agreeing that Noah scored a killer goal.

Olivia walks next to Noah on one side, holding one of his hand, as Elliot holds onto his other, letting him lean on him to take most of the weight. Olivia smiles fondly as she hears the excitement radiating in Noah's tone when Elliot asks him what his favourite part was, encouraging him to retell his story again. She doesn't miss the elation in her son's eyes and how despite his injury, for a moment Elliot makes Noah forget his pain.

They're back at Elliot's home, in his bathroom. Noah is sitting on the bench, gritting his teeth as Olivia dabs his cut with a washcloth.

Olivia winces at her son's pain. "It's almost over honey, I just need to apply the cream and bandage it."

Noah dangles his legs, eyeing his wound. "Will I need to go to the doctor?"

Olivia shakes her head. "It's not that deep. Bandages should do."

Right on cue, Elliot walks in, first aid box in hand. "Hey, I found the first aid, and a friend."

Charlie trots behind him, panting merrily. He pauses at the door, his eyes scanning the room, before they find Noah. Immediately, he bounds over and jumps up, wriggling and nuzzling Noah's arms away so he can settle on his lap. Charlie licks Noah's face, stirring bubbly laughs from his chest.

Olivia smiles, relieved to see her son laughing again. She reaches for the first aid kit and gets to work, applying the antiseptic cream onto his wound with fresh cotton wool, then searches for the bandages.

Elliot leans against the door, watching. He's about to leave when Noah asks, "Uncle Elliot, can we play again next weekend?"

Olivia's eyes widen with surprise, both at Noah wanting to play again after his injury and his reference to Elliot as Uncle Elliot. Olivia rakes her mind to work out when that happened. She glances at Elliot, who seems equally surprised. Noah doesn't even bat an eye.

Elliot clears his throat, recovering from the shock and says, "Of course, if that's okay with your Mom?"

Olivia nods, her lips tilting into a tiny smile. "Yes, of course."

Happy, Noah smiles, allowing Olivia to bandage his leg. Then he begins recounting the game to Elliot, sharing his awe at Kathleen's aim and Eli's passes, and his shock but joy when he got the last goal in.

Olivia finishes bandaging Noah's leg and after a glass of water and a few more kisses from Charlie, Noah is eager to go back outside, saying "Eli, Seamus, Kieran and I want to see if we can teach Charlie some tricks before dinner."

Olivia barely embraces her son before he is hurrying out the door. She watches him leave, then returns her attention back to the first aid kit and begins to clean up.

Elliot says suddenly, "He's a brave kid."

Olivia smiles. "He is."

Elliot kneels down to help her pack up the belongings, studying her. "You okay?"

Olivia nods, exhaling a stressful breath. "I am. Noah's okay, and clearly, Charlie can treat his pain better than any Panadol."

Elliot nods and says, "Still, it's never easy seeing your kids cry."

Olivia lifts her head up and meets his eyes. Then she says, "Noah's fond of you."

He raises his eyes, taken back. "Yeah?"

"You're really not sure, Uncle Elliot?"

Olivia raises her eyebrows at him and Elliot exhales a chuckle, raising a hand in defensive. "Hey, I'm not sure where he picked that up from. I swear it didn't come from me."

Olivia shakes her head, staring at him with soft eyes. "I know Elliot, I'm not blaming you. Noah refers to my other friends that way, I'm sure he didn't give it any second thought. Although it took him weeks before he was referring to even Nick that way."

Elliot takes in what she says, realisation then surprise slowly dawning in his eyes. He blows out an incredulous breath, saying "Wow, and I've only known him one day."

Olivia studies him briefly. Then she returns her attention back to her work and says quietly, "Don't seem surprised Elliot. You're an easy man to love."

The comment rolls off from her tongue before she can comprehend it, stunning her into silence.

Elliot to, is speechless. His heart pounds in his chest for a breathless moment, barely daring to believe what he just heard. When he looks at her, her head is dipped down, caramel-coloured curls curtaining around her frame as she finishes packing the first aid kit, hiding her eyes from his view.

Elliot knows she didn't consciously intend to say it, but there it is, hanging in the air between them.

Olivia clears her throat and suddenly says, "Thank you for today. I know it means a lot to Noah; it means a lot to me."

"He's an amazing kid Liv. I'm grateful that I had the chance to get to know him." Elliot pauses for a thoughtful moment, then says "You never told me about Noah's father."

Olivia's eyes blossom with surprise, Bernie's words drifting back to her. I'm sure Elliot's curious about who Noah's father is, curious as to who you chose to settle down with after all these years.

Olivia waits for a beat, then says "You never asked."

"I'm asking now."

Olivia meets his eyes, sees the sincerity reflecting in them. She recalls what he said to her back at the station. I want to hear about your life.

"Okay," Olivia finally says, snapping the first aid kit shut. "I adopted Noah." She pauses, checks to see his reaction – surprise, then interest – and continues. "His mother's named was Ella, she was working with a perpetrator we were investigating. She was also a prostitute involved in some dangerous gangs…she died when Noah was a baby, and I put through the paperwork to adopt him."

Elliot is silent for a moment. Finally, he asks "Does Noah know?"

"That he's adopted? Yes. He still has one biological relative left, his grandma Sheila." Olivia pauses for a moment, swallowing back the painful memories. "A few years ago, Sheila contacted me, asking me if she can have a relationship with Noah. I allowed her to visit Noah and take him out, I thought it would be good for him to have a relationship with his biological family. Then Sheila kidnapped him. Fortunately, we found him."

Elliot's eyes widen at this. Olivia looks up and meets his eyes and says, "Noah's been through a lot. But thankfully, things have settled down for him these past few years. He's made friends and he's doing well at school."

Elliot nods slowly. His voice is rough with emotion when he says, "I can't imagine what he's gone through." He pauses for a beat, then says "You're incredible Liv. I can't begin to imagine how you brought him up on your own, while running the SVU prescient."

"I haven't always been on my own." Olivia thinks of Ed, then Barba, Peter and Nick. She meets Elliot's eyes and says suddenly, "You should know that Noah's been through a lot. He's lost people in his life, family, and I don't want to see him lose anymore too. And clearly, Noah's become attached to you. It's great that you two are bonding Elliot, but I don't want him to get too attached if you don't plan on staying."

Elliot searches her eyes, his brows furrowing deeper as he processes her words.

"I know I'm saying a lot," Olivia looks down into her lap, shaking her head slightly, letting out another breath. "I know you only just met him. And I'm not asking you to be a part of his life, just-"

"Yes."

Olivia snaps her head back up at his instant response, surprise eyes finding his.

Elliot reaches for her hand that's still holding onto the first aid kit, his fingers closing over her knuckles. "I mean it Liv. Noah blows me away. He's curious, funny, brave, smart…he's every part you just as if he came from your womb. It would be a privilege to be a part of his life, a part of both of your lives."

Now it's Olivia who's speechless. She looks down at his hand on hers, then asks "And how do I know that you won't leave him too?"

I wouldn't do that. The thought flashes to the front of his mind and rolls to the front of his tongue, but Olivia meets his gaze with her hardened eyes, killing his protests. The look she gives him breaks his heart. Elliot understands completely.

His next words fall from his lips in a whisper. "Liv, I'm so sorry."

Olivia swallows. Emotion breaks in her voice when she speaks. "I know you are. But I don't know how to trust you again."

Elliot leans closer, a new urgency in his eyes. "Liv, I know I hurt you and I've missed a lot-" Olivia almost snorts. "But believe me when I say that I want to make this right again."

Olivia brushes his hand off from hers and casts him a stern look, rage and hurt flashing in her eyes. "Do you know how hurt I was when you gave me that letter? Can you imagine what it must have been like for me to read that, knowing that you felt this way, that the past ten years was all in my head? And then to leave for three months without even one phone call and then show up at my door in the middle of the night…" Olivia's voice trails off. Her tone softens when she continues. "After that night you left my apartment, I didn't hear from you until Kathy's trial. Not one phone call Elliot. Then I find out about Angela…I had Wheatley trying to play mind games with me."

"Angela didn't mean- "

"It's not about her," Olivia says, almost exasperated. "The point is you couldn't even communicate with me. And now you say you want to be a part of my son's life?"

Elliot is stunned. She's sucked away every last protest from his lips, leaving him lost for words.

Elliot's voice is hoarse with emotion when he finally speaks. "You're right Liv. I don't deserve your trust, I'm the last person that deserves it. But I –" Elliot stops, hangs his head down, his features tensing with anguish. He clenches his fist briefly then looks up again, his voice pained. "I can't lose you again Liv. Please…I don't deserve it, but I'm asking you for another chance. Let me make it right." Elliot pauses for a moment, then his voice softens. "I miss you Liv."

His speech draws every last breath from her body, leaving her speechless. She searches his eyes. It's not just his speech that catches her off guard. It's the way he's looking at her, as if his eyes are soaking in every inch of her, imprinting her to memory, as if she's a work of art. It's the pain and remorse she sees shadowing his eyes at the thought of losing her that silences her.

Olivia doesn't know how much time passes as they stay there in silence, Elliot's eyes still on hers, waiting for a response. Olivia can barely think, barely breathe after his speech, his voice echoing in her mind.

I miss you Liv.

A knock on the door shatters the silence.

"Olivia?"

They snap their heads up to see Bernie, standing at the door.

"I hope I'm not interrupting. I wanted to know if you would be joining us for dinner?"

Olivia blinks, startled at the invitation. "Oh…"

"Liv, stay," Elliot says before Olivia can respond, his eyes catching hers. He dips his head down a fraction and says, "Please."

Olivia nods slowly, her eyes never leaving his.

Bernie smiles, her eyes shifting between the two. "Excellent. Elliot, can you help me reach a few things at the top of the cupboard?"

Elliot's eyes linger on Olivia's for a moment longer before he stands, following his mother out the door.

It's after dinner, and they're sitting around the table, digesting Bernie's potatoes bake and roast lamb, before Bernie returns to the table with a tray of hot chocolates. Noah's eyes instantly light up. The hot chocolates are bobbing with marshmallows and topped with whipped cream, sprinkles and a wafer.

Noah accepts the beverage with a grin. "Yum. Thank you Miss Stabler."

Bernie laughs as she hands Noah his mug. She pats him lightly on the shoulder and says, "Please Noah, call me Bernie."

Olivia thanks Bernie for her mug and nurses it in her hands. She goes to take a sip when she sees Elliot across form her, cream smeared on his upper lip and blobbed on his nose.

Olivia laughs, a breathy, bubbly laugh. He casts her a puzzled look, and she points to her nose. "You have a little something …"

Elliot realises what she means. A playful look quickly replaces his embarrassment, twinkling in his eye. "Oh, I know."

Then Elliot takes another sip of his drink, cream coating his upper lip. "It's a moustache."

The children burst into laughter. Noah takes a deep sip and comes back up with a creamy moustache of his own, stirring laughter from across the table.

Elliot raises his eyebrows at Olivia and she laughs once more. Soon, everyone is following suit, and Eli attempts to take a selfie of himself, his siblings and Noah to capture their hot chocolate moustaches.

Olivia sips her drink, studying Elliot. He's caught her off guard tonight, showing her a softer side to him, a vulnerable side, not afraid to cast her a flirtatious smirk from across the table or let his eyes linger on hers for a little longer. Olivia remembers the way Elliot looked at her when he invited her to their Christmas dinner, heated eyes flickering down her frame and tongue moistening his smile, confident, brazen, unafraid to express his clear desires for her.

No longer is Elliot keeping himself in check, monitoring their distance and his behaviour around her.

It terrifies her.

Elliot darts his tongue out to lick the rest of the cream from his mouth, drawing her attention to his lips. Olivia isn't sure if it's the two glasses of Christmas mead she's had clouding her judgement, but she wonders what it would be like to kiss his mouth and swallow the cream.

"Liv?"

Elliot arches a curious eyebrow at her, disrupting her attention. Olivia clears her throat and dips head down, embarrassment flushing her cheeks. When she looks up, he's squinting at her curiously, his lips crawling into a cocky smirk.

God damn him, he knows the effect he's having on her.

"Mom, can we be excused? We want to go take the dog for a walk. Eli will be with us."

Olivia tears her eyes away from Elliot and passes Noah a smile. "Sure honey. Stay on the path okay?" She glances at Eli and mouths him a small thank you.

When they leave the room, Olivia stands up. To Elliot's surprise, she walks towards his direction, taking slow, purposeful steps, her eyes locking onto his. Then she leans over the corner of the table towards him, one hand on the edge of the table and the other on his arm rests, closing the distance between them. Olivia sees his Adam's apple bob as he swallows and a slight jump in his chest, giving away his sharp intake of breath.

Olivia reaches for a napkin on wipes away the last blot of cream on his chin, her voice like silk when she murmurs, "You missed a spot."

Olivia sees his stunned silence and has to bite back her laugh, her lips quirking into a smirk instead. She leans forward, her lips inches from his and whispers flirtatiously, "So detective, the kids are gone and we're finally alone. Want to grab me a drink and walk me outside?"

Elliot can't find his breath or his voice to respond. His eyes darken with desire onto hers as he manages a nod.

They walk out into Elliot's courtyard, each holding a glass of spicy, butterscotch mead, the rest of the bottle standing on the outdoor table next to them. The night is stunning, diamond stars winking across the black, velvety night sky. The full moon is out too, bathing them in a misty glow.

Perhaps it's the darkness, or the mead rushing to Olivia's had (she's lost count as to how many glasses she's drunk), but when Elliot asks her about her life once more, saying he meant it when he said he wants to know what happened to her, Olivia feels safe to tell him. Or perhaps it's because when Elliot asks her, he turns his whole body to face her, his eyes softening with a deep tenderness, as if anticipating that she has pain to share and he's ready to hear it, to acknowledge what she went through alone.

So, Olivia tells him about Ed Tucker. She will never forget the dumbfounded look that washes across Elliot's face when he learns who Ed is. Olivia knows he wouldn't dare question why or how the relationship happened; she knows that he knows that he has no right to judge. But she didn't expect his next question.

Did he make you happy?

Yes.

Olivia doesn't share what came to her mind next. He was the only man who helped me to forget about you.

Olivia tells Elliot about Simon. Then she tells him about Lewis, the root of her darkest and deepest fears. Olivia didn't see her tears coming as she tells the story, just like she didn't see Elliot's crushing embrace. He wraps his arms around her frame and pulls her body towards him. Olivia stills for a moment, then softens into his embrace, her arms wrapping around his. She buries her face into the crook of his neck, salty tears wetting his shoulder.

They stay there for a while, silent, until Olivia finds the strength to lift her head and speak again. Elliot doesn't say much to comfort her. There's nothing he could say to her after hearing about the brutality she endured. But his hand finds hers, fingers intertwining with hers, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over her knuckles. His touch is enough, enough to make her feel safe and keep her grounded so she can continue speaking.

Olivia tells him about her brighter days as well. She tells him about her promotion from detective to Lieutenant and finally, Captain. She tells him about her accomplishments as Noah's Mother and how proud she is of him every day, despite her fears taunting her about the parents he had and the life he lives. Olivia says that when he's older and learns the truth about his parents, she'll tell him the same thing she's told herself. He's not his parents or his trauma.

They're silent now. Olivia feels exhausted after sharing this with him, but at the same time, light, relieved that he finally knows, can finally understand. Maybe now Elliot can understand why it's been so hard for her to trust him.

Elliot returns with two their refills, two full glasses of mead and passes her a glass. Olivia accepts it with a small thanks. She's not sure if she should be drinking anymore. She's not sure if it's the alcohol or the beauty of the night, but when she looks up into the sky, she feels almost dizzy with breathlessness, taking in the stars and full moon.

Elliot watches Olivia lose herself to the stars. He watches the pearly, moonlight play across her features, taking in the brown depths of her soft eyes, the subtle way her cheeks lift and curve when she smiles. Since Olivia shared with Elliot tonight, he feels like he knows the story behind the pain and fearlessness radiating in her eyes, the courage in her smile and the faint lines on her face, outlining smiles, exhaustion and fears.

She's beautiful.

And when Olivia breathes, "It's gorgeous tonight," Elliot's eyes never leave hers when he whispers, "stunning."

Olivia turns back to him and smiles. "Thank you for listening. It feels good to finally tell you."

"I'm glad I know too. I'm sorry we never spoke about this sooner; I should have asked."

Olivia reaches for his arm tenderly, catching his eyes with hers. "You asked me tonight, you're here with me now. That's what matters."

Elliot hears the meaning behind her words and raises his eyes, meeting her gaze. The wind picks up, lifting the ends of Olivia's hair and making her shiver in her thin blouse.

"Hey, did you want to head back inside? Otherwise, I can grab you a jacket."

Olivia shakes her head, hugging her chest to shield her from the breeze. "I'm fine, just a little chilly."

Even still, Elliot wraps his arm around her frame, protecting her from the breeze. Olivia melts into his touch and closes her eyes, savouring the warmth that spreads across her body under his touch, his hands running up and down her hip. Then she tears her eyes away from the stars, turns into his body and whispers, "thank you."

Elliot pulls her closer towards him in response.

Olivia looks back up into the night sky again and says, "Does this remind you of Finn's wedding?"

Elliot's lips tug into a tiny smile and he nods, remembering.

"Carisi and Rollins are still together, by the way," Olivia adds, remembering when she and Elliot saw them kissing at the wedding.

"Good for them." Elliot pauses for a beat, thinking, then says "You know I thought about asking you to dance that night?"

Olivia raises her eyes, surprise blooming across her features. "No…why didn't you?"

Elliot thinks, then shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. "I don't know."

Olivia turns in his arms to face him, studying his features. Then she says softly, "I would have said yes."

Elliot's taken back by her answer. "Really?"

Olivia exhales a breathy laugh. "Don't look surprised. Besides, I wouldn't miss an opportunity to potentially see you make a fool of yourself in public."

Elliot's lips crack into a smile.

Olivia lets out a small, content sigh and rests her head back against his shoulder, closing her eyes. Elliot notices her tiredness.

"You okay?"

Olivia nods into his shoulder. She feels warm and tingly all over, mead coursing through her system and clouding in her mind, making her feel heavy and light all at the same time.

"How much have you had to drink?"

"I don't know, you were pouring them."

Then she lifts her head up, sees his eyes on her. There's something in the way he's looking at her that makes her breath catch in her throat. He stares at her like she rose the sun. Olivia's overwhelmed with the urge to close the space between them and kiss him.

God, maybe he's right and she needs to stop drinking. She crouches down to place the glass on the floor. She wobbles a little when she gets to the ground and quickly slaps the floor to stabilise herself. When she stands back up, she sees Elliot watching her, a fond smile dancing on his lips and crinkling lines around his eyes.

"You're staring Elliot."

"And you're drunk."

Olivia laughs. "Okay, I'm a little tipsy."

Elliot raises his eyebrows, casting her a really look. "You look like you might pass out on me."

"I'm not going to pass out. I just feel heavy, and light." Olivia breathes the last word out. Then she dips her head forward, burying her face into his chest, letting Elliot take her weight.

Elliot chuckles, his free arm circling around her waist to hold her steady. "Liv, if we were at a bar, the bouncer would be escorting you out right now."

Olivia laughs into his chest, a breathy, light laugh that carries across the courtyard. Her fingers scrunch the front material of his shirt, trying to find balance. Olivia closes his eyes and savours his touch, his body firm and warm against hers, his hand spreading a trail of tingles down her side. When she breathes, she smells musk, leather and the spicey sweetness from his drink. She smells him.

"I missed you too you know."

Elliot's breath catches in his throat at her words, shock silencing him.

Olivia nuzzles her face deeper into his chest, unable to bring herself to look at him after her confession. She wonders if Elliot hears the deeper meaning in her words.

There's a thousand questions Elliot wants to ask her, but only one that burns in his heart and sears into the front of his brain. Did you ever stop missing me?

Then the sound of running footsteps shatters the moment, dragging them back to their environment. They hear voices, barking and the slamming of the door. The kids are home.

Olivia can imagine Noah searching the house for her when she hears his voice. "Mom, we saw cherry blossoms outside! You have to see the pictures!"

Olivia lifts her head. Her eyes find Elliot's once more. Olivia tilts her head to the door and whispers, "I better go."

Olivia takes his hand, cool and firm in hers when she squeezes, then slowly lets his fingers glide from hers as she steps back, walking back inside the house.

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. I wrote this in quarantine and had these big ideas around writing Olivia, Elliot, Noah and Eli bonding over a dog, but it kind of changed as I wrote it. Future chapters I thought of centre around a Spring vibe. I've been sitting on this for a few weeks now, not entirely happy with it but not sure how to change it. Hopefully if I find my muse and my flow, I can write the update I had in mind