The single punch from the mighty Yug sent Cylic reeling into the cosmic emptiness, the brief moment of ecstasy gone in a flash, replaced by blinding pain. He could hear the Goryllian laughing as he passed through the wall of debris...
...Zena-Lan's helmet from the galactic federation...
...Naja's cabinet of exotic oils...
...Talmac's razor tipped Kalingi utensil, still a mystery to Cylic...
He flew past it all, to what he assumed was his death, but then, a wall of silver rose up to meet him. It was the last escape pod, knocked free from the crumbling ship. He clutched at it, fumbling helplessly for the hatch that would lead to his redemption.
"No!" a voice boomed from behind. "That's my pod pitiful Ant!"
But it was too late. Cyclic had torn free the hatch, dove in, and slammed it shut behind him. Despite his wounded pelvic mound, he still managed to laugh as the pod sped away, passing the comet T'ssuka and leaving the wreckage behind.
For untold hours, days, months, he drifted in the blackness of the void. The navigational system had shorted out by the rampant Kalingi performed by Tyr and Naruto in every corner of the ship, specifically butt-Kalingi. Even now, the smell lingered.
He passed through the brink of hunger, thirst, and madness itself. He saw the visage of his home planet, Anthis, he heard the voice of his mother, weeping for her weak, pathetic son. He heard his father's voice, berating his failure to make the Skar-Ball team.
No son of mine throws a Skar-ball like that, he screamed, space bourbon still on his breath.
Through the haze of true insanity, he fell, never noticing the flames enveloping the pod as it re-entered the atmosphere of some unknown planet.
He awoke to the taste of dirt in his mouth, and he crawled forward, unsure of whether or not he was even alive until he reached the river and began to drink. He, Cylic, the virgin outcast of the Cylians, had survived.
"Where am I?" he wondered as he passed through the dense foliage of the unknown planet. He passed an abandoned starship, and within, he found old rations, clothes to cover his shattered pelvic mound, and a filthy manifest that read:
Bound for Goryllia V.
"No," he muttered, "It can't be."
It was the home of his greatest enemy, Yug the mighty. Lost and afraid, he stumbled into a broken spoke of a town, and the filthy faces of the Goryllian's peered at him from their darkened hovels. He passed a farmer digging in the dirt who glanced up and said, "What are you looking at Ant woman?"
Was there no safe refuge in this awful place?
Then he saw it, a sign above a simple hut with a thatch roof, scrawled in what appeared to be ape feces:
Kalingi Hut
He stumbled in, too weak to walk, and a brutish, hairy creature appeared, her swollen breasts swinging like pendulums.
"And what is this?" she said mockingly. "A baby ant? You dare appear in the Kalingi hut?"
"Please," Cylic pleaded. "I am lost and weak. Have mercy."
She laughed and took a deep swig of space beer which ran down the sides of her hairy bosom.
"I am Gelga, daughter of the mighty Yug. There is no mercy here, only KALINGI!"
"No," Cylic whined, "My pelvic mound is weak and shattered."
"Calm yourself Ant-Lady," she replied. "Rest here on this bed. Let Gelga teach you of the pleasures of the flesh."
A wave of flesh and hair passed over him, driving him to the ground, filling his mandibles with gobs of stinking skin.
He awoke a month later, a stinking Goryllian doctor hunched over his bed.
"So, the fancy lad is awake," he bellowed. "Just so you know, I had to replace your crotch with a rusted piece of iron. It was all I had lying around. Never again will you experience the pleasures of Kalingi."
Cyclic screamed, and the hairy surgeon took a drink of space beer.
