Hello!
Just a little warning: I realised while writing (the French version) that all the scenes I describe share to some measure quite a similar model; as I wanted to focus on discussions between the characters, it was difficult to offer passages that are all very differently "structured" from the others. These are moments of pause, often between two characters (Bastila/Corem), so they obviously find themselves in situations that look the same. But of course, the content is evolving, and that my first interest. Hope this is fine for you.
I walked through the almost deserted streets of Anchorhead. Night had almost completely fallen, and the city had faded to a cold blue. As I approached the cantina, a slew of drunks were lurching about, trying to find their way home. I simply continued on my own way, speeding along, head down, to avoid possibly confronting a belligerent partygoer; most of them were hunters, and they were not known as being either very subtle or very tactful. After a hundred yards or so, I regained a more leisurely momentum and continued on my way. I glanced at every street corner, at every doorway, at every somewhat irregularity of some of the buildings. Then my search came to an end, when I finally saw a humanoid form, in the darkness of a narrow passage, which seemed to be sitting on the sand, leaning against a wall. I looked at it for a moment, then walked towards it with a deceptively nonchalant pace. As I approached, the figure became clearer and clearer, leaving no doubt about her identity.
"Are you okay?" I asked Bastila with concern. The woman turned her visibly wet gaze towards me. She let out a slight sniffle, and with her hand wiped a few tears from her face, then hesitantly replied:
"I don't know."
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
There was no immediate response from the young woman. She had turned her gaze to a fixed point on the ground, lost in her suffering. I watched her carefully, waiting patiently for her to find the strength to speak back to me. I noticed that next to Bastila, the familiar datapad that had put her in this state was lying in wait: her father's datapad. We had found the object in the lair of a Krayt dragon in the middle of the desert. The tiny block, which was housed in a small leather pouch, had survived the beast's wrath, and had miraculously ended up hanging on one of the legs of the star map we were looking for. Bastila must have been consulting it again lately, for it still emitted a bluish light, and illuminated the sand on which it lay in a peculiar way.
This trip to Tatooine was no small task. In order to reach the dragon's lair, we had to negotiate with the Czerka Corporation and the Sand People tribe, who had the exact coordinates of the area. The journey had also been emotionally difficult for Bastila, who had had to confront Helena Shan, her mother - or rather her former tormentor - and the latter's announcement of her father's death. The woman had urged Bastila to search for the datapad of her explorer father, Callum. The Jedi, though reluctant to obey her mother, had finally got her hands on the dead man's little object. She was supposed to entrust it to Helena. But the final decision was not so easy to make. Bastila loved her father very deeply. Giving this block away was like being separated from him again, and this for the benefit of a woman she loathed. She still had some time to think about it. We had all returned from our last evening expedition. The Ebon Hawk was not allowed to leave Anchorhead for another forty-four hours, and Bastila's mother would not be in the agreed meeting place, the cantina, that late. She would certainly find her the next day, during the day.
I was still waiting for the Jedi's reaction, and decided to finally walk away and head back to the ship.
"No, Corem. Stay." She finally vocalised. "Please."
"Are you sure?" I asked concernedly.
I saw the woman reach for the datapad and grab it, clearing the space for me. I held back for a second, not quite sure I understood that I could now join her, but eventually I did, and sat down next to her, matching her posture. Bastila gave me a warm look, but with a nervous smile, tinged with all the sadness she couldn't shake off. I replied with the most comforting expression I could summon up.
"Did anything in that block hurt you?" I questioned, keeping my eyes on my friend. The matter didn't seem to make much sense. Of course I knew that nothing in the data would hurt the young woman, I just didn't know how to start the discussion. Bastila raised her eyebrows in a sort of lack of understanding and replied:
"No." She paused for a few seconds. " Quite the opposite. " She added, holding my gaze. "It's just shaking." She finally admitted, still wearing that nervous smile. I simply nodded in support at first.
"I wish I could help you." I announced solemnly, which caused Bastila to smile more spontaneously, more genuinely.
"How? " She responded, chewing her lip, in a tone that seemed to be oddly joking.
"Tell me." I retorted in a perhaps overly serious voice.
We shared an apprehensive look. The atmosphere had suddenly become heavier. Realizing the change, I said mischievously:
"Do you want me to walk you back to the ship, double dose of sleeping pills, so you can stop thinking about your mother until we leave the planet? Or we can go to her tomorrow, wiggle your father's block right in front of her eyes, and get away with it in a second without even giving her a chance to look at it."
Bastila, who was once again looking at a fixed point in front of her, could not help but let out a few laughs at the nonsense I had spoken. She was slowly shaking her head from side to side, emphasising the silliness - of which I was fully aware - of what I had just said.
"Otherwise, you can confront her one last time." I offered more seriously.
A surge of anxiety came over both of us. I realised that it was coming from Bastila, and she had failed to restrain it from passing through our bond to me. Usually she didn't let anything get past her. But since she had seen her mother again, she seemed to have a lot more difficulty dealing with the bond. I didn't blame her. In fact, I was quite happy about it. I was happy to be able to feel emotionally close to my preceptress in some way. I did not share her analysis of this bond, and of the nature of our relationship, which, in the course of our travels, had assumed a certain ambiguity. In any case, on my side, it was no longer a simple teacher-student collaboration. It was no longer a simple friendship either. I had to admit it...
I was fond of the Jedi.
If I didn't clearly display my attraction for her, I didn't try to repress it completely either. Nevertheless, I was careful not to upset the Jedi with this issue, and, for the moment, I managed to keep my feelings to myself, without letting her notice. In any case, these feelings were surely not reciprocated, there was no point in tormenting the young woman with them. I was going to keep it all bottled up inside me, and when the mission ended, we would certainly go our separate ways anyway. I wasn't going to talk about it. In this, the Jedi doctrinaire teaching was convenient: I was attracted to her, but Bastila's total lack of knowledge of sentimental matters helped me to keep that fact hidden. Others must probably have found it quite obvious, but Bastila didn't seem to have any idea about it at all. At least, that's what I thought.
"What about the pad? " Bastila continued bitterly. "I wish I could keep it."
"What for?" I asked, in a falsely and overly naive tone. The Jedi turned her head towards me again, thoughtful.
"You think I should give it to her, don't you?" Bastila replied flatly.
"It is not for me to say what you should do. But you have to make sure you are asking the proper questions. Which of you needs it more? You, Bastila Shan, the famous Jedi, loyal to a strict dogma which, if it could speak, would order you to get rid of the block immediately? Or your mother, a dying woman, poor, and now totally alone? You don't like your mother, Bastila, that's your right. And from what you've told me, it sounds very legitimate. But you can't deny the love she had for your father, and the love he had for her."
Bastila released a defeated sigh. I noticed a tear running down her cheek, joining the Jedi's chin.
"It hurts to admit it, but it's certainly true." She finally admitted. The woman grasped the datapad between her two hands and brought it to eye level, as if she wanted to examine it in detail before she had to part with it. She sighed again, and announced in a wavering voice:
"I will find my mother tomorrow. I'll give her the pad."
I looked at my friend for a moment and put my hand on her shoulder in support. The young woman turned her gaze to me and smiled appreciatively.
"Take time to look over the data, Bastila. You have that right." I said as I regained my original position and slowly moved to stand up, intending to leave Bastila alone with her father one last time. But against all odds, I felt her hold me gently by the sleeve:
"Do you want to stay for a while? I'd like you to meet my father." She said nervously, although this time with a genuinely friendly smile.
I made no immediate response. I felt somewhat distressed by this request. But I also felt particularly moved. Of course I wanted to stay. Anything that would help me to know this woman better was a blessing to me; even more so when it was directly from her. I could even come to think that she might share a tiny part of the feelings I had for her. But these were the thoughts of an infatuated soul, in the grip of an emotional rush that was difficult to control.
"I would love to." I said, unable to hide my emotion at the moment; but Bastila did not seem to mind.
I returned to my original seat and gave the Jedi a friendly look, nodding appreciatively. Bastila offered me another genuine smile, and then turned her attention to the datapad, which she held up so that we could both look at it comfortably.
We spent a few hours exploring Bastila's father's data. These were moments interspersed with discussions, happy tales of Bastila's childhood that I particularly enjoyed; then I even encouraged the Jedi to share experiences from her life as an apprentice to the Order. I didn't necessarily want to know everything about her tonight. I simply wanted to make the evening last with her. Eventually, however, the time came when everyone could no longer hold back the yawns, as fatigue became more and more pressing. Eventually we decided to leave our street and go back to the Ebon Hawk, to get some sleep, before we could meet up with Bastila's mother the next day. As we walked back to the ship, we continued to talk, as if both of us wanted to share every second of this pleasant moment, despite the torment that was stirring Bastila, to which I seemed to have brought some relief. Back at the Ebon Hawk, we parted, each going back to his dormitory; we would see each other again very soon, for Bastila had wanted me to accompany her in this next meeting with her mother.
