Chapter 42: A Choice to be Made
Splash.
The circular rings that spread from the splash grew larger with distance, seeming to symbolize the reach one's actions had. Every footstep left an imprint in the sand of life, every drop created ripples.
If my life this last year wasn't enough to prove that already, I only had to look at the ripples. I let out a sigh as I leaned back against the sewer wall. I didn't mean to act melodramatic but I just needed a bit of air.
I was about to make a huge decision. Of course I wanted my memories back! There was no doubt in my mind about that…but there was a ten percent chance that instead of regaining my memories I would just lose the memories I do have. This amnesia..this blankness..it would just re-start.
I shiver ran up my spine at the thought. Waking up alone in that hospital with no memories, no recollection of anything! It was the scariest moment of my life! I felt so lost. So confused. I let out a heavy sigh. I had felt like that a lot lately, actually. Having my whole world turned upside down by the gravity of Baxter's lie had re-kindled those emotions and made me oh-so aware of the ripples his action had left. The ripples of pain and sorrow, the separation of a family, the lies, the heartache, all caused by one action..one choice.
I leaned forward to rest my arms and head on my knees staring at the ripples.
As much as I hated Baxter's lie, hated his betrayal, hated the pain he caused my family..I couldn't find it in my heart to hate him. Even though it was technically a lie, Baxter had taken me in. He'd been my family. My friend for a whole year. In a way he will always be my brother.
And I don't want to forget that..to forget him. I already forgot a family once, I don't want to forget another one.
Plus, I had been growing close to Mikey, Donnie and Raph, had been rekindling our brotherly bonds, and been creating new memories. I didn't want to lose that either.
10% chance.
But on the other hand, I had a chance to regain what was lost. The pictures in my room, the one from my old notebook, the ones past me had loveling drawn, putting his heart into the sketches, portrays love and memories of friendship and family. Memories I so dearly want back. I want to remember my little brothers. Want to remember my father! I want to remember who I am. Who I used to be.
I want to remember Leonardo.
And I know my brothers want that too…
They don't say it and I know they will support me no matter what decision I make..but I want to do that for them. I want to remember. For them and for me.
I looked back down at the ripples now fading from the water. Although I knew the risk, deep down in my heart I knew my answer. I wanted my memories back. It was a risk but it was a risk worth taking. Even if I woke up, with no memories my brothers would be there. I wouldn't be alone. I had found the lost pieces of my puzzle once before, I could do it again. But I wanted to hope, to have faith that when I woke up, I would wake up with my memories both the ones from this year and all the precious ones from my past. I sent up a prayer to God that it would all be okay, that things would work out how they were meant to be.
I looked back down at the water, touching my hand to the water and watching the ripples form. The choices worth making often involved a risk, I just needed to decide what to do, leap and have faith.
I took another breath. When ripples spread they didn't just head in one direction, they spread out in all directions.
"You see the reverse-retromutagen is still a form of mutagen, there is no way to reverse its effects without reversing ALL of its effects."
It wasn't just the 10% risk that I needed to factor in.
"To regain his memories Leo has to become a mutant turtle again."
I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to feel about that. I think it was supposed to bother me, I mean most humans would be slightly..unnerved at the idea of becoming a mutant. But, honestly it didn't bother me at all. My brothers were mutants and after all I used to be a mutant. So the idea didn't bother me one bit. If anything it made sense. Things coming full circle, so to speak.
But I also needed to think pragmatically. Becoming a human came with certain perks, for my brothers' sake I needed to take all of this into consideration. As a human I had easier access to supplies and goods that we needed. I could more easily provide Donnie with better equipment for his inventions. I could more readily obtain medical supplies and equipment. It would be easier to obtain a job as a human and thus have the funds to better provide for my family's health and welfare.
Then again, we had survived for years beforehand..but I wanted better for my family then to just survive.
I let out a sigh, leaning back against the wall. We did have April and Casey in our lives. The two humans were like family, and I know that just as we would do anything for them, they would do the same for us. So I guess we could always rely on them for any supplies we needed from the human world that we couldn't obtain for ourselves.
What about Marcus? The thought made me pause. I technically had a whole life before everything crumbled down around me at the reveal at Baxter's great lie. When I realized just what I had before..before I lost my memories, what I could have again, I hadn't even thought about going back. Truthfully I wasn't planning to. But still, it seemed wrong to never say goodbye. I wonder what Baxter would tell Marcus, what he would tell Mrs. Tribony?
I let out a sigh. I cared for Marcus and Mrs. Tribony grealy, they deserved a proper goodbye. They didn't need to be pulled into the complicated world of mutants, villains and mayhem. Plus Baxter needed them. If he decided to tell them, it was his story to tell.
Right then and there I made a plan to video chat with them before I was mutated. Let them know I moved and that I was okay. Maybe tell them I had found my family. I would just let them assume I mean my family from before Baxter adopted me (which is technically true) I wouldn't lie, of course not, just leave out some more overwhelming details such as being adopted being short for: mutated and kidnapped. I snickered at the thought. It would be nice to talk to Marcus and Mrs. Tribony again, I was missing my old friends. Maybe we could stay in touch.
I let out a sigh. I wasn't exactly sure how everything would go with Baxter.
Baxter had stepped up. He had helped us, he helped Donnie find the cure to the Reverse-Retromutagen.
I still hurt when I thought about Baxter's lie and betrayal, but I couldn;t deny that deep down I was proud. That he was doing whatever it took to make things right. Even if that meant letting me go.
Baxter had said he surrendered. When I pulled him aside and asked him what his intentions were. Why he was helping us, he told me he was fixing the mess he made.
"Look I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder, and I know things can't return to how they were. But you're always going to be my brother Leo."
I felt a lump in my throat at the thought, and shakily ran my hand through my long black hair. Baxter would always be my brother too. But I was glad he was willing to let go. Because, I couldn't promise to hang on. My little brothers..they needed me. They way he had needed me after the fire. They had put up with Baxter while he worked on a cure. They let him into our home. They kept peace. When I talked to them about the importance of forgiveness and how when you don't forgive someone you keep you and them prisoner, I know they listened, they thought about it. I've seen evidence of this in their actions this last week. But just because they are trying to forgive doesn't mean they will forget. And I don't expect that. I am so very proud of them, for letting Baxter in, for accepting his help and for trying to forgive him. But I don't expect any more than that. I don't expect us all to be one big happy family. It's not going to be a straightforward path from here on out. Life rarely is that simple. But I will stand beside my little brothers no matter what. We are four and nothing will change that. As their big brother I have to put them first. Even if that means I need to distance myself from Baxter. It means the world that he understands that.
"I'll always see you as a brother too Baxter. But that still doesn't change anything. My younger brothers need me here and there is no way I'm ever leaving them alone again."
"I know, I left too much mess and destruction for things to go back again. But you're wrong about one thing. It changes everything. I haven't had anyone care for me despite my many faults in a very long time, and knowing I haven't lost that means more to me than you could ever know."
Baxter put up his whit flag and I made my decision. I chose my brothers. I will always choose my brothers.
"Oh oh I know!" Mikey yelled, bouncing up and down, "how about 'super-reverse RM!"
"RM?" Raph asked, raising an eyeridge.
"You know RM-Retro-mutagen" Mikey explained with a push and a wave of his hand.
I smirked at Mikey's naming attempts; we couldn't call the cure to Baxter's Reverse Retromutagen: Reverse-reverse Retromutagen, that was just too confusing, and thus Mikey has been attempting to come up with a suitable name, all of which have been rejected by either Raph or Donnie for various reasons.
"Okay okay how about" Mikey stuck out his tongue in thought before snapping his fingers. "Double-reverse RM"
"For the last time we are not shortening Retromutagen to RM!" Raph scowled in annoyance.
"Why not?" Mikey asked with a frown. "It's waay easier to say"
"And it's shorter," Casey added.
"Ugg!" Raph growled. "Because its stupid it sounds like a slogan for something and it sound to much like that stage of sleep!"
"That's pronounced REM Sleep not RM, but I do see Raph's point" Donnie added as he fiddled with the Double-Reverse RM device. I sent a grateful smile Mikey's way. I know the naming endeavor was a ploy at keeping us distracted from what's really going on. I shake my head. Mikey really is much smarter than we give him credit for. Only Mikey would think of something like this to keep us all distracted from the potential risks of what was about to happen. Only Mikey.
Mikey held up his hands, his energetic grin already portraying that he'd thought of another potential name. "returntoyou" Mikey beamed. "Get it?! Cause his memories are returning and he'll be a turtle again."
"I actually think that one's cute," April smiled.
"Naa, it's hard to say, plus it doesn't even have the word metagen in it..it should sound more metal" Casey commented with a shrug.
"You know," I added. "I kinda like the Idea you had earlier ani-retro-mutagen"
Mikey smiled.
"That one is a little confusing," April commented. "Too many negative terms"
"No, I know" Mikey smiled. "What about Retro-mutagen!"
We all blinked in confusion.
"You know" Mikey explains "because two negatives make a positive and all that so it would just to back to Retro-mutagen."
"I would explain the scientific inaccuracies of that statement, but there is some sound logic in that reasoning" Donnie mumbled as he worked on making last minute adjustments. I smiled to myself as a bit of the tension in my brother's shoulders relaxed as he explained why that name wouldn't work as there already was a retro-mutagen in existence and therefore it would just be too confusing.
"Oh no I definitely got it!" Mikey smiled "counterpart-RM"
"I say we just go with that one to shut him up" Raph mumbled, though I could tell he was hiding a relieved smile.
"I agree" Donnie nodded, stepping back and whipping his hands with all the adjustments made. A swallowed slightly nervous.
I felt Raph squeeze my shoulder encouragingly, and opening my eyes I met the supportive gazes of each of my friends and family.
"Everything's going to be okay Leo. Dee's checked this thing over like a bazillion times." I smiled at Mikey, before sending an encouraging glance Donnie's way.
"Theoretically everything should be perfectly fine, and we are all right here just in case." Donnie wrapped me in a tight hug.
"I know" I patted his shoulder.
Raph and Mikey joined the group hug. I squeezed each of my brothers tighter trying with all my might to send every once of my love for them through the embrace.
"We'll be right here Leo" Raph gave me a friendly head-butt, "we'll be waiting here for you when you wake up. I promise" I closed my eyes breathing in the smell of my brothers. My family. Gathering myself up for the next step, this next leap.
"Okay. I'm ready"
Authors note:
Thank you for taking this journey with me, we are getting close to the end and the next few chapters will be shorter than usual to set the pace. I did promise to finish this story, sorry that it is taking awhile, I have more time now so hopefully that means I will be writing more. Please let me know your thoughts, questions, or critiques. I would love to hear from you. Honestly if you have naming suggestion's for Mikey I will include them in here.
God Bless
-windofmysoul
