Sick of Losing Soulmates
Spoilers up to episode 40.
Banjou sacrificed himself to save Sento from Evolt's poison, but he still loses Sento. First to Evolt's possession, then to Katsuragi Takumi. And he can't stand it. Can't stand how he never told Sento how much he meant to him…and now he's lost his chance.
Banjou's POV from episode 36 thru episode 40. Mostly canon compliant.
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Sento couldn't die!
Even before Banjou regained consciousness, that thought rang loud and clear through his head.
Stuck in a cage in his own mind, trapped inside his own body while Evolt fought his friends, the only good thing Banjou could hold onto – the only thing that kept him from losing himself – was the fact that Sento was up, moving around, alive. He remembered three days of watching, helpless, as Sento struggled with alien poison ravaging his body, unable to even breathe without assistance. Three days of being angry and hopeless and hating himself because he couldn't do anything to help! Sento was going to die and Banjou would have done nothing but stand there and watch it happen.
So of course he gave his all against Evolt, even when the odds were against him. And sure, realizing that he'd been possessed had been terrifying. He'd railed and raged against the constraints Evolt held him captive in, to no avail. But then…Sento. Sento was healed, even though Banjou had failed. Sento was alive. Even if Banjou was lost forever, he knew Sento would finish the job. Sento would save the world.
And then he had his hand in Sento's chest—And Sento said he was going to kill himself and Evolt at the same time—
Banjou screamed, for all the good it did him. He cried out, "Sento, no!"
And then the world went dark.
When he woke up, the sun was still high in the sky. His mind was quiet, bare of any alien presence. Banjou twitched his fingers and they moved at his command. His head ached fiercely, as if he'd been staring at bright lights for hours without blinking, but the pain was actually welcome. He could feel it, could feel every ache in his body. He was free. Evolt was gone.
Evolt was—Sento!
Eyes snapping open, Banjou saw Sento lying on the ground beside him, splayed out, unconscious. Gasping, Banjou jumped up and grabbed Sento by the arms, shaking him. "Hey!" No response. Banjou shook him again. "Sento!"
His hair was white. Why was his hair white? Did it—Did it mean he was—But he couldn't be! Not after everything! Not before—
Sento sat up abruptly, knocking Banjou's arms away. For the briefest moment, Banjou smiled. Sento was alive! And then—
"Looks like his plan didn't work out," a familiar, haunting voice said out of Sento's mouth.
It was a series of cascading horrors from then on. Evolt had taken control of Sento's body and was more powerful than ever. Banjou couldn't transform, couldn't do anything to try and save Sento the way Sento had saved him. Gentoku couldn't fix him. Gentoku wouldn't fight with them.
If Banjou couldn't transform—If he couldn't fight—If he couldn't beat Evolt—! That meant he'd lost Sento. Everything he'd done to save him from the poison…it was for nothing. All the fights they'd been through, how close they'd gotten, the trust Sento put in him…It meant nothing.
"I don't want to lose anyone else I care about," he admitted to Gentoku and Kazumin, tears clogging his throat.
He'd become a Kamen Rider to protect Sento. Because Sento wanted to protect people, and so Banjou did too. Because he believed in Sento's dream of a world of love and peace. Even if they stopped Evolt's plans…would they have to kill Sento too?
Why now? It couldn't be over, right? Banjou hadn't—He hadn't told Sento how much he meant to him. Banjou had been holding it in since he became Cross-Z Magma, since Sento took a hit meant for him, since Evolt almost killed Sento just to hurt Banjou…He'd known all that time, known that he loved Sento, known that Sento was his heart, his match, the most important person in the world! But he'd thought they'd have time. He'd thought 'a war isn't the right time for stupid confessions.'
And now he'd lost him.
What world of love and peace existed if Sento was gone?
His phone rang, breaking him out of his funk. Banjou's breath caught at the caller ID. "It's Sento's phone," he gasped.
In the time it took him to hit 'Accept,' his heart leapt. Sento had managed to free himself and was calling for a pickup! But before he had even opened his mouth to say a word, the rational part of his brain corrected him.
"Who is this?" he asked instead.
It was Evolt. Of course it was. A flame of irritation ignited in Banjou's gut. How dare he use Sento's phone! Sento invented that! He had no right!
"Bring me the Pandora's Box."
"That's never gonna happen," Banjou snapped.
"So you're okay with never seeing Sento again, then?"
Never. Never seeing Sento… Even just the thought made Banjou's chest ache and he clenched his shirt over his heart.
If they didn't give up the box, Evolt was going to erase Sento. Sento wouldn't be in a cage in his own mind. He would be gone for good. But if they gave him the box, Evolt would release Sento. Sure, it wasn't the best plan, but if they got Sento back—Well, Sento could come up with a better plan once he was back. And they could always steal the box back once Sento was free, escape with both it and Sento. Or something. But they had to get Sento back.
Banjou had to get him back.
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…
"Give Sento back!" Banjou demanded, holding the Pandora's Box up for Evolt to see.
"Yeah, that's not happening," Evolt denied, crossing his arms above Sento's head to make an X.
Banjou growled. "What?!"
Evolt looked bored, even as he said, "Sento pissed me off. So now he gets to watch me kill all of you."
Was it as horrifying to see Banjou's body moving and acting like Evolt as it was for Banjou to see the same happening with Sento? Something deep in Banjou's bones recoiled at the sight. It was wrong. And as Kazumin and even Gentoku fought Evolt and the Washio Bros, the frustration in Banjou built and built and built.
Sento was there. He was so close. Only a few dozen feet away! But while everyone else could help fight Evolt, while everyone else could fight to force Evolt to release Sento, he couldn't. His punches were worthless. He couldn't do anything!
"Sento," Banjou breathed out, voice breaking, as he stared at the white-haired figure leaning against the railing.
He just wanted to help Sento. He wanted to protect Sento. He wanted to save Sento!
Banjou got his chance once Evolt transformed into his Kamen Rider form. The Dragon bottle was strapped to Evolt's hip, and it wasn't hard to tackle the alien and steal it back. A little bruising was worth it to get his essence back. Because that's what it was. The Dragon essence was Banjou Ryuuga, formed from his deepest self while Evolt controlled him. If anything could help him save Sento, it was that bottle.
With each punch he threw, and each he received in turn, Banjou's resolve strengthened. This had to work. He had to keep fighting. If he didn't, the world was done for. Sento's dream would end. And if beating Evolt would save Sento—Banjou would give his life for that.
The transformation into the Great Cross Z washed over him like a second skin. Its power rushed through him, infusing him with the strength to achieve his goal: to save Sento and protect Sento's dream.
Eventually, he, Kazumin, and Gentoku attacked Evolt as one. The power of their combined Finishes would end the battle. Evolt would be forced to release Sento!
Except, instead, it gave Evolt the power he needed to reach his final form. Banjou covered his eyes as dust and debris spun around, creating a twister out of Evolt's new power. And then he saw it. The body.
Sento's body. Flying around in the wind.
"Sento!" he called, jumping into the storm to catch his partner. The impact forced him out of his transformation, but Banjou hardly noticed.
Lying on the concrete beside him was Sento with his natural black hair. That meant Evolt was gone! Except, with the wind coming off Evolt's own transformation, it was impossible to tell if Sento was even breathing.
"Sento," Banjou breathed, his heart in his throat. He grabbed Sento by the shoulders and shook him. "Sento?"
Nothing. He wasn't moving! This couldn't happen—
"SENTO!" he shouted, shaking harder. Please!
Dark eyes slit open, shifted from side to side, and then snapped open. Slowly, Sento sat up, looking around in confusion. Banjou couldn't breathe. The relief at seeing Sento up and moving had him gasping. Banjou couldn't take his hands off Sento, afraid that if he let go Sento would disappear. But Sento was real. He was alive. He was back!
He looked off-kilter at being near Banjou, unstable and almost fearful.
Gulping, Banjou managed, "Are you okay, Sento?"
"Sento?" Sento repeated, quiet, confused. "Who is that?"
It felt like Banjou's heart stopped dead. No. No, Sento couldn't—He'd had amnesia before. That's what made him Sento! Surely he was…Surely he was playing a joke? Making light of being possessed? Sento was—
"My name is Katsuragi Takumi."
Banjou fell back, all strength escaping him. No. No no no no no. Not Katsuragi. Kiryuu! Not Takumi. Sento! It couldn't be true, right? They'd—They'd gotten Sento back. He had to be back.
He had to…
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…
Kiryuu Sento was gone.
He was gone, replaced by the person who had created Faust, the group who had experimented on Banjou. Replaced by the Devil's Scientist. Replaced by a man who wanted Banjou dead. A man who didn't see anything redeemable in Banjou, who didn't believe in him, didn't trust him.
Katsuragi Takumi had Sento's face, Sento's voice, Sento's genius brain. But he held himself so stiffly, treated them all so coldly, saw humanity as a means to an end. He looked like Sento, but Sento wasn't there.
It was unbearable.
"It's possible," Sawa said hesitantly, putting into words everyone's greatest fear, "that he may never get his memories as Sento back."
It was like getting sucker punched in the gut. Banjou's chest hurt so bad he was amazed he wasn't bleeding, that no one else could see the wound.
He let out an audible, shaky breath. "If that's true," he managed, then had to swallow the bile in his throat, had to blink and breathe to hold back the burning in his eyes. "That'd mean he'd never remember…the time we spent together…"
The burning got worse the more he talked, until he had to hide his face behind his hand. Tears slipped down his cheeks, but no one commented on it.
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What was worse than losing a loved one to death and not even having a body to bury? Losing a loved one, but their body was still walking around, reminding you of what you lost.
Banjou spent a lot of time outside of Nascita after Katsuragi woke up. He couldn't stand to be in the lab. Katsuragi had trashed it, ruined Sento's perfect organization, erased his equations, even cannibalized Sento's inventions. He sat in Sento's chair, at Sento's computer, muttering to himself things that Banjou didn't understand and blowing off everyone who tried to talk to him. Like they were beneath him.
He was so arrogant Banjou wanted to punch him in the face.
Sento had been arrogant too, but his eyes had been warm, his smile inviting. He would heave a great big sigh when Banjou didn't understand even the most basic concepts, but then he would turn around and draw visuals—comics!—on his equation board to explain it again, and again, until Banjou understood. Sento was patient.
Katsuragi was not patient. He was not warm. He didn't smile. He looked at Banjou with eyes as hard as steel, assessing him and finding him wanting. Finding him a threat.
It was too hard to be around Katsuragi, so Banjou stayed away. He trained with Kazumin instead, raising his Hazard Level so that the next time they fought Evolt, they could beat him.
"You loved him," Kazumin commented, while they lay panting in the grass in the park after a spar.
Banjou tensed. "Shut up."
He remembered when he first talked with Kazumin about why he fought in the war—how he wasn't doing it for his country, but for someone who trusted him and who he trusted in return. Kazumin had teased him, and Banjou was not in the mood to be teased again.
"I'm sorry," Kazumin murmured, and Banjou swiveled his head to the side to stare. Kazumin was still looking at the sky, tinted red from being near the Sky Wall. But his expression…He wasn't teasing at all.
"Sorry for what?" Banjou asked with false bravado, turning to look at the sky himself. "He's still—He's not dead." And dammit! His eyes were burning again!
"Maybe if we'd done something sooner, we could've prevented—"
Banjou punched the ground, cutting Kazumin off. Even as he squeezed his eyes shut, he felt the tears slip down his face into the dirt beneath his head.
"You think I haven't thought about that?" he ground out. "It doesn't matter." His voice was barely a breath. "Sento is—He's still here but Sento is gone."
For a long while, neither of them spoke. The wind played with Banjou's hair, his jacket. Slowly, he managed to breathe, to slow his racing heart, to stop crying. Would he ever not feel like crying at the memory of Sento?
"I have to—We have to," he corrected. "For Sento. We have to finish what he started. Defeat the Smash. Defeat Evolt. Create a world of—"
"Love and peace," Kazumin finished alongside him.
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The Rider System responded to emotions. It wouldn't react if someone was acting with rage or hatred. Luckily, Banjou's sorrow didn't stop him from transforming. He still had a heart for people, still wanted to protect those who could not protect themselves. It was just…broken.
A heart broken once was sad. A heart broken twice was a tragedy. And Banjou wasn't sure he would ever fall in love a third time. He couldn't handle losing anyone else.
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The Rider System responded to the wearer's emotions and desire to protect, and though Katsuragi Takumi had been a huge part of creating that system…he was awful at using it.
He moved slower than Sento, landed punches less often, got hit more often. His form was terrible. The bottles didn't respond to him the way they did to Sento. How had Sento been born from this man? Katsuragi had no heart.
"Why can't I use the Genius Bottle?" Katsuragi moaned after his 'ultimate weapon' failed to activate for him. "The design is perfect!"
And then he was tossed across the courtyard by Kamen Rider Mad Rogue. Banjou rushed to save him from Mad Rogue's attack. He might not be Sento, but that was still Sento's body, and dammit Katsuragi might one day invent something that would help them stop Evolt. Banjou couldn't let him get hurt.
"You're not feeling it enough!" he snapped as he held Mad Rogue off. How could Katsuragi create the Rider System and still not understand it? Sento had understood it easily! "Wanting to help and protect someone…that's what he fought for!" He threw Mad Rogue away and turned to glare at Katsuragi. "But you don't have those feelings, do you!"
Do you understand?! he wanted to shout. Do you see how much less you are than him?!
Katsuragi at least had the decency to look ashamed, but it did nothing to cool the fire consuming Banjou from the inside.
"Kiryuu Sento was a damn superhero," he choked out, before rushing back into the fight with Mad Rogue.
Even as he threw punches, his heart was screaming. If either of you deserved to live, it was Sento. Kiryuu Sento, not Katsuragi Takumi! Even as Mad Rogue landed hit after hit, knocking him to the ground, his soul cried. Why couldn't Sento have stayed?! Why?! WHY?!
Finally, Mad Rogue landed a blow that sent Banjou to the ground and kept him there. His transformation broke, leaving him gasping and clutching his chest where Mad Rogue had hit him. Without his Kamen Rider armor, he was a sitting duck, but he couldn't move. Being forced out left the body partially paralyzed and drained of energy. There was every chance that this would be Banjou's end.
He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the pain, the paralysis, just like he did the day Evolt tried to kill Sento. He'd gotten up before. He had to do it again! He had to—
"What are you doing, Banjou?" a familiar voice said in an even more familiar teasing tone.
Banjou looked up to see Katsuragi standing between him and Mad Rogue. Except his shoulders were looser. His stance was freer. And the way he said Banjou's name…
"I guess this was too much to ask for a supporting cast like you."
The cadence of his words. Referring to Banjou and the others as 'supporting cast.' That wasn't Katsuragi Takumi. That was—This was—!
"Sento," he managed, almost unable to believe it. If he believed it and it wasn't true, it would break him for good. But it was true.
Sento smiled, a laugh in his eyes. Turning toward Mad Rogue, he announced, "The egotistical superhero has returned!"
The relief struck Banjou like lightning and he was crying before he knew it. His body went lax, all the tension and sorrow he'd felt for days now melting away in moments. Banjou bit his lip to hold back a sob and covered his eyes. "Took you long enough," he said, trying for his usual bluster. It came out wet but happy, and that was good enough.
Sento was back. Anything was good enough.
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It took awhile after that battle for everyone to leave Sento alone. They all wanted proof that he was Sento and not Katsuragi Takumi. Banjou didn't need proof. He could tell this was Sento down to his very soul. But while he was glad to watch Sento move around Nascita and interact with the others, his fingers kept clenching into fists.
He wanted—No, he needed to touch Sento. He needed to reassure himself that this was real.
After they all escaped Gentoku's atrocious fashion attack, Banjou hid in the lab. The idea had been that Sento would return there eventually, and then he could tell Sento how glad he was to see him. He could place a hand on his shoulder or his knee. Sento would smile at him, maybe tease him for being mushy, and all the anxiety swirling in Banjou's gut would fizzle out, warmed by Sento's presence.
Instead, when the secret door opened and someone clanged down the stairs, Banjou was met with the weary form of Kazumin.
"So this is where you went," Kazumin hummed, leaning on the doorway to the lab.
"Oh. Mm," Banjou said in affirmative. He was sitting on the stairs to the purification pod, had been staring at Sento's chair since he got down there. But just then, he remembered what Kazumin was going through too. "Sorry," he said, which made Kazumin lift an eyebrow. "About your guys' bottles."
Kazumin let out a despondent "Ah" and looked at the floor. "I'll get them back. No matter what, I'll get them back."
If Banjou knew stupid—and he was very well versed in stupid—then he knew what Kazumin was thinking. But before he could tell Kazumin how stupid it would be to raid the Faust laboratories to get the bottles back, Kazumin said—
"You should tell Sento how you feel."
"Eh?" Banjou let out, his cheeks flushing.
With a heavy sigh, Kazumin's eyes trailed away toward the bed in the corner. "If we've learned anything…it's that the important things can't wait. It's too easy to lose the ones we love these days," he whispered. Then he cast Banjou a baleful glare. "If you've got a second chance and you blow it, you're stupider than you look. And I'll never forgive you."
"Hey!" Banjou shouted, a knee-jerk reaction to being called 'stupid.' But then he frowned.
Because Kazumin was right. He'd beaten himself over the head for missing his chance to tell Sento how he really felt, and now he had a new chance. They were in a war against a genocidal alien bent on destroying – or at least controlling – the Earth. There was no guarantee that they would survive. He had to tell Sento that he loved him, now, before he lost him again.
Kazumin's eyes narrowed and a smirk began to creep across his face. Banjou, red-cheeked, scowled at him. "Shut up, Bakazumin!"
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Sento moved around the room, grabbing a few things for the trip to Hokuto with Kazumin to research Lost Bottles and retrieve Kazumin's guys' bottles. They would only be gone a day or so, but Sento kept making more circuits of the room, picking something up and then setting it back down, shuffling through papers but not reading or packing any of them, looking behind Misora's stuffed toys for something that he didn't find.
If Banjou didn't know better, he'd think Sento was biding time. But for what? The sooner they left, the sooner they could come back, and the sooner Banjou could—
Sento glanced at Banjou, sitting backward in Sento's chair, before starting his circuit of the room again. Sento ruffled his hair the way he always did when he was nervous, upset, or, ironically, overly excited.
"Hey, Sento," Banjou started, laying his arms across the back of the chair and leaning on them.
Sento stopped fussing with things and looked at him. There was something in his eyes. Caution? He wasn't scared, like Katsuragi. Wasn't distrustful. It was something else, and with Kazumin's words still ringing in Banjou's ears, he decided to take a chance.
"I've been willing to die for you," Banjou said casually. Sento turned to fully face him, expression verging toward curious. "And I'm definitely willing to live for you."
A smile pulled at Sento's lips and he crossed his arms. "Well that's good. I wouldn't be much of a superhero if I didn't have sidekicks."
Banjou scowled. "I'm not joking around."
The smile slid from Sento's face and he nodded.
Taking a deep breath, Banjou braced himself. Here went nothing. No going back now. He closed his eyes. "I'm in love with you."
For several long moments, the lab was silent save for the hum of Sento's computer. Then, quiet footsteps. Banjou didn't open his eyes, didn't know if Sento was walking toward him or away from him. His chest was tight. Had he just screwed everything up?
"Well that's good," Sento repeated, his voice quiet and right in front of Banjou.
Opening his eyes, Banjou saw Sento kneeling before him so that their eyes were at the same level. And Sento's eyes were sparkling like they did when an experiment went well, when a plan worked out perfectly, when he had just finished saving someone's life.
"I thought you might," Sento admitted, almost sounding as overly confident as usual, but keeping his voice down. "But I wasn't exactly an unbiased observer, so I thought perhaps my own feelings were clouding my interpretation of the data."
Banjou blinked rapidly. "Huh?"
Rolling his eyes, though with a fond smile, Sento leaned closer – close enough that Banjou's eyes crossed trying to keep him in focus. "I love you too, Muscled Fool."
"Hey," Banjou retorted on instinct, then blinked and, Sento's words finally registering, lifted his head from his arms. "Wait, really?"
Sento nodded. Again the burning came behind Banjou's eyes, matching the warmth growing in his chest. Banjou sat back to rub his eyes, trying to preempt the tears.
"Oi, what's wrong?" Sento asked. "Why are you crying?"
"I thought you were gone forever, asshole!" Banjou snapped, his voice already thick with emotion. "I'm not crying," he lied, "I'm just happy I got to tell you!"
Sento let out a little huff of a laugh, then stood up and leaned forward to wrap Banjou in a hug. "Ah," he let out. "My little dragon. So emotional."
Banjou struggled briefly in Sento's embrace to protest the tease but didn't put any real effort into it. Sento was hugging him and it felt warm and safe and right. Besides, he liked being called Sento's Dragon. Maybe not a little dragon though.
Sento pressed his face into Banjou's hair. "I didn't want to leave without telling you how I felt either," he admitted. "You forget: I thought I lost you too."
Slowly, Banjou's arms reached around Sento to return the embrace. Sento's shirt crumpled in Banjou's fists from how tightly he held on, but if Sento cared he didn't show it.
"Then—!" Banjou gulped. "We both have to promise to make it through this! To survive!" he declared.
Sento nodded. "We'll survive," he agreed. "Together."
They had no way of knowing if they could keep those promises, but if Banjou had anything to say about it, they would. And if, in the end, only one of them got to live—He'd fight like hell to make sure that one was Sento. If anyone deserved to live in a world of peace and love, it was Kiryuu Sento.
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fin
