Chapter 13 – Life and death

Holy crap, I've actually done it! I managed to write a complete chapter in under six months! I deserve a pat on the shoulder for that one!

Now, this is the chapter where we're getting very slightly religious, deal with life beyond death, and handle loss. There will also be the implication of suicide, which I, by now, am very familiar with, but know can be very triggering for some people. So, for those of you who are very sensitive to those topics, please take care and don't crucify me.

Story-info: I found something else to say here! I have not seen the New York- or Shanghai specials yet, and neither Season 4! The fangirl within me just couldn't handle it yet, and I had quite the personal issues to with in the meantime. But just keep that in mind, if any lore I insert in this fanfiction contradicts with the lore in the specials and Season 4.


-s-s-s- (Manuels POV)

I couldn't tell how much time had passed since I blacked out, but when I came to, I was met with a quite unsettling environment.

I seemed to be in a void of sorts. All around nothing but black darkness. When I reached, feeling for a wall or at least something, I noticed my hand had no longer that animated look about it, but rather the realistic look from my home-world.

There was also complete silence other than what sounded like a very faint and slow heartbeat. Quite frankly, I'd have preferred absolute silence, rather than this ominous heart beating somewhere in the distance.

I tried taking a few steps, but due to the lack of footsteps and visual feedback, I couldn't even tell whether or not I was actually making any way at all or was just moving in place. "What is this place?", I asked myself, a pit in my stomach from the unsettling atmosphere in this place.

As the heartbeat in the distance started to fade, it was instead replaced by a long beeping sound. I froze in place, as I finally connected the dots. "That… was my flatline…", I realized in horror, "Did I really… die?"

"SO, IT SEEMS THINE TIME HAS COME TO AN END.", a deep echoey voice suddenly spoke to me, but I barely even registered it in my current state. I had thrown myself in many dangerous situations by now. But now that it was truly over, I couldn't process it. The thought of the end – of actually being dead… was something I just couldn't handle.

"THOU HAST FOUGHT ADMIRABLY, YOUNG SOUL.", the voice continued, as I saw a white light start shining quite far in the distance, and a path of golden tiles formed beneath my feet, leading me towards it, "THINE NOBLE ACTIONS AND BRAVERY HAVE EARNED THEE A PLACE IN ETERNAL BLISS. STEP FORTH AND CLAIM THE PEACE THOU HAST FOUGHT SO TIRELESSLY FOR."

Finally, my mind tuned back in, with a bunch of question in the foreground, "Who are you? Why are you talking to me now?"

"I AM ANUBIS, THE GOD OF THE DEAD, TASKED WITH THE JUDGEMENT OF THY SOUL UPON THY FINAL MOMENTS.", the voice answered me patiently, confirming the suspicions I had about my situation, "So it is true. I have really died. That's also why I look like this again, isn't it?"

"INDEED. THINE SOUL TAKES THE FORM THAT IS MEANT FOR THEE, REGARDLESS OF THE BODY FROM WHOMST IT SHED.", the god confirmed, "NOW, WITH NO LIVING BODY REMAINING TO HOST IT, THY SOUL SHALL BE GRANTED ACCESS TO THE ETERNAL HAVEN."

I looked forward. A welcoming warmth emitted from it as I walked onwards. As I closed in, I heard a cat, that quenched my heart. "Filou…", I sniffed as I sped up, "It's been so long since I've seen you…!"

When I got close to the light, I was met with a pair of beautiful golden gates which slowly swung open for me. Behind the gates, there was a wide land of white clouds, complete with a golden sun shining down gently.

But all of that was secondary to me right now, as right at the gates, I was met with my beloved childhood pet, the housecat Filou, purring in the hands of a just as familiar face. Short black hair on a round face, with just as round glasses on friendly grey eyes. "Theodor…"

When I spoke his name, he looked at me with welcoming eyes. He let Filou jump down to come my way with loud meowing. Just before the gates, my cat stopped and sat down instead. "So, there is a threshold even the dead cannot cross.", I understood.

"It has been a while, hasn't it?", Theodor talked to me this time.

I looked up at him, tears in my eyes. "Theodor… Why…? Over three years I've asked myself what could have happened to you, that you would… actually go that far."

His welcoming look changed to one of sadness, as he answered, "I… knew you would ask me that. It was… just a pitiful existence. Like nothing was ever good enough."

"What-? Was I not good enough as well?", I asked, the tears streaming down my face now, "You could have spoken up about it! I could have helped you through your depression! I would have tried to be a better friend for you! Instead… I was just left with so many regrets. So many things unsaid. Just wondering if I pushed you over the edge somehow."

"Nothing I did felt ever good enough.", he clarified, his eyes starting to water as well, "My writings, my achievements, even my child-caring was always… second-class at best. It was painful… so I put a stop to it."

"And put a stop to everything else as well.", I added half sobbing, "I just… never understood. I don't understand now either. They never found a will or note or anything from you. You just… died one day and left us all asking."

"I know…", he agreed, deep regret in his voice, "I don't think I could explain properly even now, three years later. I just… felt like there was no way out, so I made one myself." He looked back up at me, and continued, "You, on the other hand, went out in a final blaze of glory, didn't you?"

The reminder, that I too had now died, felt like a wound ripped open all over again, as he added, "Stranded in a foreign world, blessed with a mysterious power, and fighting hopeless battles just because it's the right thing to do. It's like something from my stories."

Him mentioning my situation in cartoon-Paris made me gasp in realization, "Ah- Wait, what's going to happen to that world now?! That woman, those stones, the powered-up villains… I am- I was the only one who could counter them! If- If I'm dead now- Marinette, Adrien, Soleil- What are they gonna do without me to rebalance the battles?!"

Plaguing myself with all manner of panicked thoughts, I called out in worry, "I- I can't stay here. I gotta go back! Wait no, I'm dead! I CAN'T go back! Can I? Should I?"

A smile showed up on Theodors face, as he reacted to my questioning, "I can't tell you, but maybe he can."

Pronoun-game aside, I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Anubis, lord of the dead! I reach out to thee", I called out into the void.

"THOU ART DISSATISFIED WITH THE CONCLUSION OF THY STORY, I SEE.", the god reacted soon thereafter, "THOU ART NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY."

His accepting tone changed to an impatient one afterwards, "YET DEATH IS ABSOLUTE, AND MAKES NO EXCEPTIONS! THOU CANST NOT BREAK THE BARRIER BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, NO MATTER THE REGRETS THY SOUL CARRIES WITHIN!"

Returning his impatient tone in kind, I called out angrily, "Don't take that tone with me, Jackal-head! And don't give me that 'No exceptions' bullshit either! Just about every damn religion has stories of certain people returning from the dead, and if you're real, I can assume so were those! Not to mention, demons, ghosts, spirits of all sorts! What made them so special, that they get a free pass from death?!"

My retort was met with deafening silence. Pissing off a god surely wasn't the best idea, but if he was gonna get mad at me, I was gonna get mad at him. Can't let a god look down on my mortal self, I guess.

After what felt like eternity, Anubis' voice spoke again, "THOU ART WILLING TO GO AGAINST THE INSTRUCTIONS OF A GOD JUST FOR THINE NAÏVE IDEAS OF RIGHTEOSNESS?!"

"You bet I am!", I called back to him in a challenging manner. My attitude was met with laughter from the god. But not an evil or sinister laughter, but rather an amused chuckle. "HEH HEH HEH. THY WILLPOWER IS REMARKABLE. NOT MANY HAVE DARED TO GO AGAINST THE WISHES OF THE GODS."

At the end of the golden path, from where I had come from, formed a dark blue barred door. As I walked towards the it, Anubis spoke again, "VERY WELL, THY WILL IS STRONG, AND THINE INTENTIONS PURE. A SOUL AS STRONG AS THEE JUST MAY BE ABLE TO RETURN TO ITS BODY. THUS, THOU SHALT BE MET WITH THINE OWN CHOICE."

As I looked through the bars of the door I found my lifeless animation-body laying there in what looked like a hospital-bed, connected to several infusions and monitoring-devices. My body was wrapped up in bandages as well, but that was getting par for the course by now.

What WAS different from my last hospital visit, were the many people surrounding me. Marinette, Adrien, Alya, Soleil and Master Fu were standing directly next to my bed.

Marinettes face showed pure shock and grief, like she was about ready to break down. In fact, the only reason she hadn't yet, was because she was held by Alya who seemed to try and keep her professional composure, though there were tears forming in her eyes as well.

Adrien held a look of deep regret on his face, as his watering eyes kept switching between my dead body and the camouflaged miraculous on his finger. At one point, he even seemed like he wanted to take it off entirely, though he slipped it back on soon thereafter.

Master Fus face showed grief and mourning, but in a far more composed and mature way than everyone else. He wasn't about to break down or even lose his composure, but there was guilt all over his expression.

The one who seemed to take it the hardest was Soleil. As she was gripping my shoulder, shaking my limp body, and calling out to me, she seemed just about ready to lose herself. Disconnected from my physical body as I was though, I could only see her mouth-movements, rather than actually hear her.

For some ungodly reason I also saw my dear kwarmi Whissp lay on my belly, seemingly sobbing into my body. Why he was just out in plain view was another question that would have to wait.

In the corner I also saw receptionist Jim, and the nurses Anabelle and Mark, each seemingly mourning in a different form. Whilst Jim looked downwards in regret and Anabelle kept her emotions purely internal, Mark seemed to drown in guilt.

"SUCH IS THE SCENE OF EVERY DEATH, YOUNG SOUL.", Anubis spoke to me again as I observed what was happening behind the bars, "EVEN IF THOU WERE TO RETURN, THE FLOW OF TIME WILL LEAD THEE BACK TO THIS EVENTUALLY. AND SHOULDST THOU RETURN, THERE SHALL BE NO GUARANTEE, THAT THOU WILL GET TO ACCEPT ETERNAL PEACE AGAIN. IN MORTAL TERMS, THOU ART RISKING THINE INFINITE BLISS FOR A PROLONGED LIFE. DOEST THOU STILL WISH TO RETURN?"

I thought about this for a bit. He was right, as was to be expected of a god. No matter what I do, eventually I will lay on a deathbed again anyway. And when I get back to this void, who is to say, that I will get to go to heaven again? Should I really throw this chance away? My opportunity to finally play with Filou again? To be with Theodor again?

But my previous arguments still stood. Those people needed me, one way or another. If I didn't help them through this altered timeline, who would in my stead? Who could even? No, there was little choice in the matter. Not if I wanted to save them from that new threat. No matter how much I wanted to reunite with Theodor and Filou, I couldn't just abandon my new friends like that.

"Yes, I need to go back.", I told my decision to the god, who seemed dissatisfied with it though, "THOU NEEDN'T DO ANYTHING ANYMORE. THIS IS PURELY A CHOICE OF THINE OWN WILL."

Looking down again, I felt a deep yearning within when he spoke about my own will. No matter how little I still belonged in that world, I had to admit I enjoyed living there, nonetheless. And if I was being honest with myself, I truly wanted to return there as well. Not just from obligation, but from pure will as well.

"You're right. I WANT to go back.", I rephrased my decision.

"VERY WELL…", Anubis seemed to accept, as the bars on the door seemed to fade away, granting me a path to my body, "THOU WHO ART LIFELESS, THOUGH NOT YET FULLY DEAD! RETURN TO THY BODY, AND BRING IT BACK TO LIFE!"

I stepped through the door, ready to come back to life, as another question came to mind. "Say, Anubis… If you speak to me… does that mean, the Egyptian religion is the right one?"

"THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG RELIGION, YOUNG SOUL. I MERELY EXIST AS A BYPRODUCT OF THINE OWN MIND.", the god of the dead answered me vaguely, but I thought I understood what he meant, "So, when the people think about the Egyptian religion at the time of their death… you are the one to guide them. I think I understand… Thank you, O great Anubis!"

"THOU ART BURDENED BY MANY HARDSHIPS, BOTH IN PRESENT AND FUTURE. WE WILL WATCH YOU PLAY OUT YOUR ROLE WITH GREAT INTEREST."

-o-o-o- (an hour later) (Narration)

"Ms. Chausson…", receptionist Jim carefully took word as he stepped into the room, "Come on, we have to go." He placed his shaky hand on her shoulder, but she quickly brushed it off and yelled, "NO! I'm not leaving him here!"

He sighed in regret, as he took a step back, "It's been almost an hour since he flatlined. He will be moved to the pathology soon, and the police are under way as well. Not to mention the reporters and what not. Apart from Mr. Fu, you're the last one here. That's usually the way rumours and conspiracy-theories start spreading."

"The hell do I care?!", she screamed back, her voice shaking and eyes watering, "I'm his partner, and I made a promise to him! I'm not breaking that now, no matter how far gone he is!"

"You can leave that to me…", Whissp sniffed into the boys blanket, "I'll watch over him… Forever, if need be."

Master Fu, who was standing in the corner, had his look lowered to the ground. Of course, he couldn't officially condone Whissp just staying here, but he felt in no position to object. After all, what good had his advice done? He had pushed a young boy to fight hopeless battles on his own, and basically led him to his death. "What was I thinking…? I knew this could happen, and yet I kept going with it anyway… How could I let myself be so naïve again?!"

Next to Manuels bed, his combat-pole was still leaning. With a heavy heart, Soleil eventually picked it up. "That's the weapon he used nearly every time…", she spoke mostly to herself, "If… I can do anything to take responsibility, it's this."

"You can't be serious!", Jim called out, trying to take the pole from her, "HE just died fighting akumas, and your solution is following directly in his footsteps?!"

Ripping the pole away from Jim again, Soleil called out in frustration, "I wasn't there to help him then! I could have been fighting alongside him when he faced off with that bastard! Instead, I was concerned with myself, and now he's dead!" Pointing the tip of the pole at him, she warned him with a threatening growl, "Don't try to stop me. I WILL continue his fight for him."

Reacting to her renewed resolve, Whissp perked up and flew around her, "Yeah! And I will fight together with you! I definitely owe it to the kid!"

Jim was definitely not fine with this decision, and he was definitely going to voice his concerns this time. „Wake up already!", he yelled at her, getting irritated by her stubbornness, „This isn't some kind of game, this is the real life, so be realistic! You're one girl and a small, flying hedgehog-creature-thing! When fighting against supervillains, what are you actually hoping to achieve?! Jumping into deaths hands the same way he did?!"

Before he even knew what he was really saying, Jim already got a slap across his face from Soleil. As he was struggling to regain his balance, she grabbed his short brown hair, and looked him dead in the eye, „Never say that shit again… Manuel was a hero even braver than Ladybug, and you will NOT spit on his memory!"

„How dare you!", Whissp yelled at him as well, „He died for you too, and all you have to say is, that he was basically an idiot?!"

Desperate to prevent an actual fight from happening here, Fu stepped between them, „Both of you, calm down. This isn't going to solve anything." With a regretful look to his grandson, he added, „Manuel just died today. Let's be respectful."

Both Jim and Soleil looked down in shame, as Whissp started crying again. Neither of them wanted to admit it, but in the heat of the argument, they actually completely forgot that he was still laying right there. Then again, he couldn't hear them anymore anyway.

That was, when Master Fu thought to see a very faint light emit from his body for a split second. Then again, as he was struggling to hold back his tears of regrets, perhaps it was just a trick of the light.

„I'm… sorry, Ms. Chausson.", Jim eventually apologized, rubbing the back of his head as he tried to explain, „Thing is… Even if I'm no nurse, I feel responsible for his death. He was just… so determined to continue on fighting, I keep feeling like I should have done more to stop him."

„Tell me about it.", Soleil found a common line with him this time, „I was with him on the battlefield, and in his harshest fight yet, I just abandoned him. I can't help but feel like I'm to blame for this."

„If anyone is to blame, it's me.", Master Fu admitted with a choked breath, „The one who actually encouraged him to keep going, thinking foolishly that I could somehow keep him alive no matter what. I'm such a failure as a guardian…"

„Don't do this to yourselves…", a familiar voice unexpectedly spoke up, though very weak and tired, „Ain't no one here to blame but me…"

With shocked wide eyes, they all turned to Manuel, who, against all odds, had actually opened his eyes and was looking right back at them. Though he was obviously in serious pain, he was actually breathing again, and even the heart-monitor picked up a regular heartbeat again.

Jim fainted on the spot, with Fu just barely catching him before he crashed on the ground. He himself looked as though he was seeing a ghost, taking a step back as his eyes widened in terror.

Soleil on the other hand grew red with rage, as she launched herself at him. "You were alive all this time?!", she yelled at him, grabbing him by the collar, "Are you freaking kidding me?! Were you just messing with us THIS WHOLE TIME?!"

"Give me back my tears, you bastard!", Whissp joined in angrily, "You could've at least given us some sort of sign!"

"How?!", the boy threw back, desperate to get them off him, "I was literally disconnected from my body! I'm not even sure if I'm really back!"

As answer to that, he got a slap across the face. "Does that work as confirmation?", Soleil hissed at him, as Whissp stung him with his spines in the sides as well, "Take that as a double-check!"

"Ow, stop!", Manuel called out from the kwarmis repeated stinging, "Fu, help me out here!"

After carefully putting Jim on the ground, he too stepped to his side. "Are you… actually alive?", he asked in disbelief, to which the boy replied, "I am for now. If they don't kill me again."

"So… you didn't die in the first place?", he asked confused.

Closing his eyes, trying to recall what he had seen between then and now. "I… think I was dead. There was… this golden gate… and… I don't remember much beyond that."

"The gates of hell perhaps?", Soleil suggested, still salty about her wasted grief, but Manuel replied deadpanned, "Yeah, in gold. Sure."

Looking straight upwards, he remembered something else now, "H-Hold on, there was someone else as well!"

"You mean, like, a person?", Whissp asked curiously, but regretted asking when he noticed his eyes watering, "Oh geez… I- I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

Trying to force the tears away, Manuel denied, "No, but… The person I saw was… an old friend of mine."

Still scowling but more intrigued, Soleil asked further, "Someone you knew back in Austria?"

"Yeah.", he confirmed with a slight sob, "A friend I lost to illness."

"Oh…" Finally, she understood, "I… see."

"Then you really were on deaths doorstep.", Master Fu combined, "Just about to reunite with your friend. But you came back to us instead. Somehow."

"I don't know either.", he replied honestly, "All I remember is… not wanting to leave."

"Aww, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard anyone say.", Soleil cooed with a grin, before her expression hardened again, "Almost makes me forget that I'm still INCREDIBLY MAD AT YOU!"

"I didn't choose this way of action!", he nearly whined, really running out of ideas to get the angry girl off his case, "I would have woken up sooner if I could have!"

Fus expression softened slightly. "The important thing is, that you're back with us. And in that case, I have something you'll need." Handing Manuel another healing-tonic, this one in a more yellow than white hue, he answered, "It's not as strong as your regular healing-tonic, but it will greatly speed up your recovery."

Taking the yellow ball in his hand, Manuel asked confused, "Not that I'm complaining, but why did you bring that here in the first place?"

Looking down in regret again, he explained, "When I heard what happened to you, I hoped I could still save you with it. Unfortunately, by the time I got here, you had already flatlined."

"Yeah, you can leave those regrets behind now.", Manuel replied with an exhausted grin, as he tried breaking the ball in his hand. However, weak as his body still was, he struggled for a while, before Fu helped him out. Grabbing his hand, he pushed it together along with the tonic, causing it to crack and engulf the boy in a short yellow glow.

Manuel was already breathing a bit easier, but he had to admit, that was most likely just a placebo-effect. Confirming that was Fus following explanation, "It will still take you at least a week to really recover. Until you're back to full strength, it will most likely be another month as well."

Grabbing his walking cane, he turned to go towards the door, "I will come back tomorrow to check up on you. I have to tell the people downstairs that you're back again. I'm sure they'll be very surprised to hear the news."

"I'll stay here, if that's okay!", Whissp called after him, to which Fu nodded, "Alright, if that's your decision, I guess I can't stop you. Just be careful with who sees you."

With a slight smile on his face, the master took his leave. Just before he closed the door though, he added, "Perhaps you should use the time to explain our procedures to your partner. And maybe put the receptionist on the second bed…"

-x-x-x- (Manuels POV)

Soleil took about a minute of time to heave Jim into the second bed of the room, with the ever so slight help from Whissp, before she turned to me once more, an expression on her face somewhere between annoyed and angry, "Okay, you prick, I want answers."

That harsh tone caught me so off guard I flinched a bit. I had thought we had moved past that by now, but perhaps that was just wishful thinking. I let out a sigh, but did put on a grin, "I can't answer without a question."

"Don't get snarky with me, mister.", she growled at me, before pointing towards the kwarmi, "Who, or better yet, what is this… Whissp?"

I looked at the hedgehog in confusion, then back to her, "Did he not fill you in yet?"

"I may have forgotten around the time you DIED!", he complained in turn.

I sighed again, and began to explain carefully, "Whissp here is what is known as a kwarmi. And I don't suppose you know what that is yet either?"

Still keeping her angry expression, Soleil denied, "I do not."

"Okay, in that case let's break it down to the essentials.", I noted frankly, "A kwarmi is basically the spirit of its respective miraculous. Whissp here is the kwarmi of the hedgehog miraculous."

Staring at me with wide eyes, she asked for clarification, "A miraculous… As in, just like Ladybugs and Chat Noirs…"

"Exactly.", I confirmed with a grin, but already bracing myself for whatever she was gonna throw at me. "Are you freaking kidding me?! You had one of those this whole time?! When were you gonna tell me?!"

"People aren't supposed to know!", I defended slightly hurt, "You can see what happens if the wrong person gets a hold of one."

Scoffing slightly, she turned to Whissp, "Yeah, I do, but HE doesn't seem to."

Backing up nervously, the kwarmi tried to defend himself, "How should I know who can and can't know about me?!"

"We've gone over this, like, three times already!", I called out in annoyance by now, "If they don't know of you yet, don't LET them know!"

"Well, it's not like I'm doing it on purpose!", he kept trying to find a way out, which I shut down right away this time, "You've blown your cover twice now. And while I haven't witnessed either time, there's no way both were accidents."

"Actually, it's more along the lines of… seven times now?", Soleil corrected kind of awkwardly, as she rubbed the back of her head, "As you were dying, he didn't exactly put a lot of effort into hiding."

I just laid there, staring at her blankly. "Whissp. What. the hell?"

In a short burst of anger, he stung me with his spines again, "Shut up! You were dying! I really couldn't care less!"

While it was definitely going to be a problem later down the road, I couldn't hold a reason such as grief against him. That feeling of indifference after you lose someone you care deeply about... I felt it too, so how could I possibly scold him for it?

So, instead of doing so, I apologized again, "I'm… really sorry. I'll have to seriously step up my game in the future…"

Suddenly, Soleil slapped me across the cheek and yelled, "No, you won't! You're not going to do these things ever again, got it?!"

My eyes widened in slight fear at her outburst. Soleil always tended to freak out when stressed, but this was way different. Instead of her usual kind of shrieking, she was now straight up yelling with slight sobbing in her undertone.

Not daring to interrupt, I listened to her continue whilst nearly crying, "You're the only one who can't be healed or revived by Ladybug! What if you're actually dying like today, huh?! What if you just stay dead the next time?!"

"Well…" I hesitated to answer. A snarky response would be seriously unwarranted, but a serious one didn't come to mind. Not one she was gonna accept as she was now.

"Don't even bother answering! There's not going to be a next time anyway!", she answered herself, tears rolling down her face now and her voice cracking, "I'LL take care of these things in the future! And I'll do it by myself!"

"Soleil-!", I tried to interject. No way I'd let her do all that heavy lifting on her own. I mean, how could I?! The sole reason I dealt with this myself, was so that no one else had to! Why else was I given my sixth sense in the first place?!

However, my attempt at getting in my argument was thwarted by Soleil cutting me off, "Shut up! Just shut up for once! You don't get to have the last word every time!" Closing my mouth shut immediately, I dared not to cross her in this state. Not out of fear, but because of my seriously bad conscience.

"You just… keep throwing yourself in these hopeless battles, not caring for any consequences befalling you, despite you being the only one for whom they're permanent.", she continued, her voice now reduced to barely articulate sobs. "It's admirable, yes…", she admitted, a few tears dropping on the side of my bed, "But it's also terrifying. Everyone else, if they disintegrate or vanish, they come back. But you… Once you're gone, you're gone for good."

Sniffing and wiping away her tears, she tried to muster up more determination in her voice, "So… I'm not… I'm not letting that happen. EVER! And if I can't… If I can't protect you in battle… then I'll just have to keep you out of the battle."

Though she really knew how to make me feel guilty, I couldn't in clear conscience accept what she was asking of me here. Trying to sit up, I called out, "No, I can't just let you- Agh…" I was interrupted by the harsh pain in my sliced up stomach.

"Manuel! You gotta lie down!", Whissp took word for the first time in forever, as he carefully pushed me on my back again.

Soleil on the other hand didn't even want to hear my protest, "I'm not ASKING you to stay off the battlefield, Manuel! I'm telling you to do so! I'm DEMANDING this, and I don't want to hear your complaints!" With her having said all there was to say, she turned heel and was about to head out, when I saw my last chance to talk her out of this.

"But what if YOU die?!", I called after her, desperate at this point to make her reconsider, "Neither of us knows, why I'm the only exception! What if YOU stay dead?!"

She stopped dead in her tracks, and I think I heard her gasp lightly. However, after a few seconds, she looked down without even turning to me, and muttered something I couldn't make out. With that, she left, leaving me with a heavy heart.

Resting my head on my pillow again, I couldn't help but think about what she said, "Staying away from battle, and leaving her to fend for herself in the battle that is directly tied to me." I could see where she was coming from. And that she was getting healed and even revived while I didn't even recover my stamina definitely supported her argument.

But no matter how much I tried to see things her way, I just couldn't accept the idea of letting her fight my battles whilst I was just sitting back safely. Plus, even if she wasn't from another world, who was to say that my healing-exception wouldn't eventually extend to her because she was fighting MY enemies, rather than akumas?

"Doesn't matter how much I twist and turn it…", I thought slightly depressed, "I just can't think of a proper solution."

"You really pushed her over the edge there.", Whissp noted carefully, an unsure look on his face, "No one I've ever met got that angry before."

I gave him a tired look, "Oh, you're still here." I didn't want to sound disappointed, but I was just so damn exhausted now. And yet, my ever-overthinking mind just couldn't let me go to sleep.

"Ahah… Of course.", he confirmed with a sensitive smile, and settled on my stomach again, "I'll always watch over you. After all, you're my wielder- *yawn* -and I'm your kwarmi… Such is… the bond… we share… zzzzzz…"

At the soft snoring of the adorable kwarmi, I couldn't help but smile. He seemed so calm now. So very peaceful. His snoring seemed contagious as well, as my eyelids suddenly felt so incredibly heavy. "The bond we share… Thank you, Whissp."

-o-o-o- (three hours later) (Soleils POV)

„I don't even want to know what Charles is going to say to this…", I sighed as I made my way into his apartment-complex. As I went through the front door, I already heard the sneer from one of the inhabitants of the lowest floor-apartments, „So, the little princess finally struts back to her summer-home. Already ended any careers today?"

Still not able to fully ignore his comment, I growled a little inward, but took a breath to regain my composure. I simply moved up the stairs, as I heard him add, „Too important for even an answer these days, are you? At the very least have the decency to shut us lowly peasants up, you stuck up little shit!"

Thankfully, I was out of earshot soon enough. If I had known that asshole was home today, I would have stayed out until evening. Not that I wasn't used to people giving me angry looks or calling me names. But due to the fact that it was only because of my parents, rather than any wrongdoings of my own, it still got to me in a way I can't quite describe.

As I ascended to the second and then the third floor, I instinctively jumped over a foot meant to trip me. Said foot belonged to the neighbour-woman of Charles, who sneered at me, "Don't you dodge your rightful punishment, you parasite!"

Not even bothering to answer, I just scoffed at her and opened the door to our apartment. „You're not going to ruin his life as well! Not if I can help it!", I heard her call out after me, just before I closed the door in her face. „Aaaaand we're done. Finally, home."

„Phew, I'd say I've managed that fairly well today.", I congratulated myself with a forced smile, as I heard Charles sprint into the entrance-area. „Soleil! Oh, thank god, there you are!", he nearly cried in relief, as he pulled me into a deep hug. And against my expectations, it felt seriously good. As in, I suddenly just sunk to my knees and couldn't help but cry into his chest.

Something that, unsurprisingly, he was not prepared for and alarmed him right away, „Soleil? Are you crying? Are you hurt?!"

In between sobs, I just barely managed to mutter, „I- I'm a-alright. *sniff* Just- Hold me for a bit, okay?"

He seemed taken aback, but he did humour me for the time being. The both of us just knelt there, with me just sobbing into him as he stroked my hair to calm me down. "It's okay, dear…", he whispered down to me, "I'll always lend you an ear whenever you need it."

We stayed like this for… several minutes, I'd think. I hadn't even noticed how much I had bottled up. But now, with the dam broken, there just seemed no end to those damned tears. The pressure of these battles, the pain of my injuries, and especially the fear of losing Manuel forever. Suddenly, it all just hit me at once, and it was just unbearable.

"…Do you want to talk over some tea?", he asked me carefully. "Tea… Yeah, that sounds good.", I barely managed to put a coherent thought together again, "Please…" However, as he tried to get up, I found myself holding onto him. I couldn't even explain why. But for some reason, the mere thought of letting go now was… terrifying.

"Hey…", he spoke softly again, as he stroked my head again, "Should I stay a little longer?"

"…Thanks…", I replied with a knot in my throat. He picked me up into his arms, and carried me over onto the couch in his kitchen. "There. It's better for your back and knees like this."

It did feel better like this, but I hardly even noticed. I had a hundred things on my mind, and yet couldn't form a single sensical thought. I couldn't even tell what I was crying about anymore. I just couldn't stop.

Very hesitantly, Charles spoke eventually, "Soleil… I'm going to get up now. Is that alright?"

With a choked-up breath, I gave a small nod. But before I really let go, I asked him the only thing that came to mind right now, "Charles…? You're not… just going to leave me one day… are you?"

A shocked sounding gasp escaped him, and this time, he pulled me into a deep hug. "Not ever, I promise. Come heaven or hell, I'll take care of you."

With another wave of tears, I finally let go of him, "Th-Thank you so much. I don't… I can't…"

"I'll make that tea now.", he repeated in a soothing voice, as he gave me another head pat, "Until then, just… try and gather your thoughts. I don't know what's going on, but if you're this shaken, it would help you to talk about it."

With that, he temporarily left me on the couch.

All alone with my thoughts, that kept going in circles just like me in the room, I finally managed to kind of sort them… slowly. Specifically, I kept replaying that fight today. Over and over, I kept getting reminded how I overly impulsively blew our cover at the start. How I let myself get distracted by that damned Pharao. How I left my partner to fight and subsequentially get killed by that masked bastard.

And every single cycle of these events just tore another hole in my chest. "I'm just the worst. A backstabbing traitor, useless partner, and worthless daughter. Why can't I ever do anything right? Why am I even here?!"

"Uhh, Soleil…", I barely picked up Charles concerned voice in the back of my head, as I just stared into the void. "I- uhh… don't like that look you give the window…"

I hadn't even noticed that I had stopped in front of the window. And that it was wide open didn't exactly help either. I heard Charles slowly put down the tray on the kitchen table, before he approached me with very careful steps. "Kid, we can talk through anything…", he tried to reach out to me, as he took step after step, "You just… have to step away from the window first… okay?"

Letting out a deep sigh, I did as he asked. I took a step backwards, away from the window, and sunk into Charles arms as he embraced me yet again. "I can't… I just can't do this.", I whispered more to myself than, him with slight sobs in between, "But… I have to… I made a promise to him. I owe this to him."

"You're talking about that Gilson-kid, aren't you?", he asked, though I heard in his voice that he already knew. "Soleil, kid… Look at me for a second."

When I looked up at him through my teary eyes, he had a serious expression. However, in his eyes was just genuine worry, "You don't owe him anything. Especially not something that could cost you your life."

My eyes widening again, I was quick to deny, "But I- I should have been there for him! I'm the reason he almost died! Why he can't do this anymore now! I have to stand in for him now!"

"Did he tell you that?", Charles asked without skipping a beat, "Or did you conclude that on your own again?" I looked down at his question. Was he being serious?

"Obviously, I concluded this.", I answered with a slight growl, "If you mess something up, you're responsible for fixing it. That's what YOU taught me, remember?"

"Only depending on the situation!", he called out in distress, "You don't owe anyone your life!"

"Even my-"

"ESPECIALLY not your parents! You're just a kid, and they birthed you, so raising you is their obligation!", he interrupted my argument, before adding under his breath, "Technically already a failure, that I take better care of you than them."

Unsurprising that he saw that point coming. T'was the one excuse my mother kept using to shame me into obedience whenever I started acting up as a kid. Well, at least before I was old enough to get ditched legally.

"…I don't know what to do.", I eventually just outright admitted, sinking into myself again, "The battles keep getting more intense by the day – I'm already struggling to keep up – Manuel almost died today – and I'm the only one there to help him… WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, DAMMIT?!"

A soft smile formed on Charles face. "There we go. Now we're getting some open honesty in the conversation." Setting me on the couch again, he poured me a cup of herbal tea, "First of all, I'd say, you should take your time. You're currently really riled up, and it's dangerous to make any decisions under intense emotions."

Taking the cup, the relaxing scent of the herbs managed to slightly sooth my racing mind. "So, just take it slow, rest for a while, maybe try to get your mind off of today.", he recommended, pouring himself a cup as well, "For now, a cup of tea will be a good start. And afterwards, I'd recommend you lay down for a while. Maybe take a nap as well."

Taking a first sip of the tea, I replied just half paying attention, "Y-Yeah, sounds good…"

With him taking a sip as well, he let out a relaxed breath, "Phew… Something to soothe the body and mind. I'd wager we both need that right now." Giving me a concerned look, he continued, "I won't even pretend to understand what the two of you keep doing. And I won't force you to tell me about it, if you're not comfortable with it."

Setting down his cup for a moment, he seemed to choose his words carefully, "I get by now, that I can't stop you from marching to battle. Even if I were to keep you here, you'd just sneak out again." Putting his hand on my shoulder, his voice took a pleading, almost desperate tone, "I'm just… I'm begging you. Please talk to me about this whenever you feel ready. I want to keep you safe, no matter what it takes."

A sigh escaped me. The way he kept talking about keeping me safe, it always felt like a servant to their master. Another reminder to my cursed roots. However, I couldn't hold that against him. He just meant well after all. "I… I will, eventually." "If I live long enough, that is…"

-o-o-o- (the next day, 9:00am) (Manuels POV)

I'll be honest, I slept through the entire rest of yesterday, all the way until 9am the next morning. Apparently, my exhaustion-induced coma caused Jim on the bed next to me to believe I actually stayed dead, and he imagined me waking up. It took Whissp to explain what happened yesterday to make him understand that I was no longer dead.

However, right now, it seemed as though the news of my regained life had at least spread to the ones present in my not-quite-final moments. The nurses Mark and Anabelle, as well as Alya, Marinette and Adrien.

The former two took only a minute to storm into my room again to confirm my survival themselves, with Mark needing to sit down for a moment, while Anabelle just left to 'think about what the hell happened here'.

No doubt my classmates were going to come back to see me as well. From their reactions I had seen in the lifeless void, I can only imagine how guilt-ridden they must've been until now. Especially Marinette and Adrien.

Though personally, I was just waiting for Nadja Chamack to kick in the door and interview me about my death and resurrection. No way something like that DOESN'T reach her ears, especially since we've had a bit more contact than I would have liked.

However, right now, only Master Fu was in here to check up on me. "A regeneration-tonic should focus on the heaviest wounds first.", he explained as he sat next to me, and pointed to my shoulder and abdomen, "In your case, that means the stabbing- and the slashing wound. Are they feeling better yet?"

"…Debatable…", I replied carefully, "It's fine when I'm busy, but the moment I have time to think, it starts hurting again…"

"Well, guess we gotta keep you busy then!", Whissp suggested cheerfully.

An audible gasp interrupted our conversation, as the door swung open again. Whissp quickly hid under my pillow this time, though unnecessarily this time. In this room, he was basically common knowledge by now.

"I… I can't believe it… Is this real…?", a shaky voice, barely louder than a breath, asked. When I looked, there stood Marinette, tears in the corner of her eyes.

Suddenly, a harsh wave of guilt hit me. The amount of times I've seen Marinette actually shed tears, I could count on a single hand. And yet, here she was, on the verge of crying over me. "M-Marinette… I'm… sorry.", I forced out with a clump in my throat.

"Don't apologize!", she called out in distress, "I'M the one who should be sorry!"

"I'm not about to play the blame-game again. Everyone makes mistakes, and I don't have the energy to argue about it.", I just cut this off, because everyone and their mother has seen how these things go. Everyone just blames themselves for every minor thing that happened, and no one makes any progress whatsoever.

"Though, if you're here, I guess Ladybug and Chat Noir were able to save you from getting sacrificed after all, right?", I tried to shift to a more positive outlook. And with the mention of her alter-ego, I made Marinette stumble over her words yet again, "Ah- Y-Yeah, right! Ladybug, of course! It was a GREAT rescue!"

"How did anyone ever buy any of this?", I asked myself, and I'm afraid I may have let on a bit of a knowing grin, given that Marinette awkwardly looked to the side and tried to change the topic next, "S-So, uhh… What exactly happened to you?"

"We encountered his nemesis, got split up, and she killed him.", Soleil explained with a clear anger in her voice as she entered as well. Though, it was hard to discern who that pissed off tone was directed at. Me, or my enemy.

"Soleil! Welcome back!", I tried to keep the conversation between us cheerful this time.

But it seemed, Soleil had other plans, "Don't even start with me, you bastard. I'm still not over yesterday."

Both Marinette and Fu stared between the two of us, clearly not understanding the hostility that she was showing at me. "Did something happen between you two?", Master Fu asked curiously, probably trying to help. Though he probably could have spared Soleil the question, given that she just snapped again, "Nothing much. Just that this idiot freaking DIED, and apparently can't wait for it to HAPPEN AGAIN!"

"Wha- Oh come on!", I called out offended, "You say that like what I'm doing is a bad thing!"

"It IS a bad thing!", she threw back angrily, "Fighting a suicidal battle that's going to have minimal impact on the rest of the war is a VERY bad thing! ESPECIALLY when you're the only one who can't get magically healed!"

Taking a few steps towards me, she took a deep breath, and tried to explain her point of view more calmly, "Just imagine, purely hypothetically, if you had actually died. If you had STAYED dead. What the hell am I supposed to do without you? I can't track these stones down like you and can just barely break them. I can't even sense if the villain is currently boosted or not!"

Now that was new information. But in Soleil highly emotional state, for which I absolutely couldn't blame her, I didn't want to interrupt her.

I watched her take a few deep breaths. Then, when she had calmed down a little bit, her voice took a pleading tone, "Just… Please, let me do this for you. If anyone were to die, it'd better be me than you."

"Enough of this…", Marinette begged with a meek voice, her eyes starting to water again, "No one is going to die. Not again. I don't… I don't think I could handle that… I could barely handle it yesterday…"

The atmosphere was already heavy before. But now, with that plea from the bakers daughter, it turned outright unbearable. But her reaction was understandable. With her alter-ego supposedly being responsible for handling akuma-attacks, the feelings of guilt for not being able to save what she thought to be an innocent life must have been crushing for her. And on Adrien as well.

(Narration)

Thinking back to when Adrien seemed like he was going to give up on being a hero altogether, Manuel was gripped by a harsh wave of guilt. "I'm… sorry.", he muttered sadly, "I just wanted to help, but… I guess I didn't even consider all the harm I caused you all."

"Every action has a reaction.", Master Fu spoke philosophically, "Even the best intentions can lead to disaster. I should know…"

Thinking over his past actions, Manuel had to admit that he didn't exactly make smart decisions recently, especially in battle. And while he was aware of that for the longest time, the results of these were actually crushing, now that their consequences had caught up.

Repeatedly, he had chosen to fight his respective villain head-on, when all he really needed was to destroy the stones, getting himself, Soleil and even Alya now harshly injured in the process.

He relied on incredibly risky gambits to pull through, which caused not only a broken arm for him, but also a broken leg for Soleil.

And then he even ignored all self-destructive consequences to use a Miraculous that was never meant for him in the first place, causing him to die in combination with the wounds from his absolutely unnecessary battle.

"…I'm such an asshole…", he muttered under his breath, the guilt for all the consequences of his impulsive actions now weighing down on him like bricks.

Marinette had nearly collapsed to the floor when he flatlined. Adrien was probably still thinking about quitting for good. Soleil had cried her soul out and tried to call out to him as his heartbeat stopped.

"I didn't even stop once to think about any of their feelings…", Manuel finally noticed, now that they were gathered around him, both relieved that he was alive again, but still heartbroken that he had died in the first place, "I wasn't fighting a noble battle at all… I was just pulling a goddamn ego-trip…"

"I… understand…", he forced out with a heavy heart, as he turned to his partner again, "Soleil, I will leave this to you from here on out…"

Giving her a sad smile, he continued, "I mean… What can I say, other than that you're right? I can't get healed by Ladybug, and you're exactly right. What would happen if I died?"

"You'd doom us all in one go. Admittedly, that would have to be a world-record, but I don't think that's preferable.", she threw in cynically, causing Manuel to complain, "Soleil, I'm trying to be sincere here! Can you just put your grudge away for, like, a minute?!"

Her eyes widened at that statement. "W-Wait, you are serious about this?!"

"I get that I've been an asshole before.", Manuel confirmed, still slightly annoyed, "I kept throwing myself in death-matches without reset-button or even a proper plan, and never once seriously thought about how any of you felt about it. That you'd be heartbroken over my death didn't even occur to me, so I kept going on and on, and not taking any precautions at all."

Taking a calming breath himself this time, he continued, "And… I'm sorry for that. I won't even try to rationalise my idiotic actions, because I know that's just a losing battle."

Putting his hand on Soleils shoulder, he tried to give her the sincerest smile he could muster, "So, if you're really sure about this, I'll leave it up to you from now on, Soleil. Just… promise me you'll do a better job than me and come back safely, okay?"

A surprised expression was on her face, before it changed to a more sober one, "Uh, yeah! Promise! And you better believe me, I'll give my all to keep you safe, along with all of Paris!"

„Yeheah! That's what I'm talking about!", Whissp cheered at that, „And I'm going to do my part as well! Manuel, you just say the word and I'm flying right to her aid!"

„Wahait, you're staying with me?", the boy asked with a playful grin, „I don't think I have too much use for you here."

„Hey, I saved your life in that fight!", the kwarmi inquired, „Both by bashing that prick in the face, AND by-"

„Okay, I get it, you can stay!", Manuel interrupted him, before he said too much, „You just hold yourself at the ready then. Soleil could surely use your help sooner rather than later."

"Stop this already!", Marinette cut in, serious distress in her voice, which caused the two of them to give her a confused look. "We're all just kids! Keeping Paris safe shouldn't be your job in the first place!"

Though Soleil was taken aback by her outburst, she did understand her reaction. However… "I don't care how much power those stones can grant, it's not worth taking such risks!"

Manuel was trying to sign her to stop, afraid that she was digging herself a hole here. But between her tears and sobs, she failed to notice them. „When did Ladybug become so unreliable?! When did you get this idea, that she so desperately needs the help of you?!"

„Ah- Marinette!", Manuel called out in alarm, but Soleil acted faster. In a split second, Soleil cupped her hands, and with a quick jump, she caught a purple butterfly just before it merged with Marinettes right hairband.

„HAH! Gotcha, bitch!", Soleil called out in triumph as she landed again, „Not in MY presence, you don't!" As she held her cupped hands firmly together as to not let the akuma get away, she started giggling slightly, „Heh- Heheh- Hahahaha! Ihit just won't stop flahapping it's wihihings! It tickles so muhuhuch!"

Stumbling over to the opened window, she made the akuma fly out and shut the window in its face. It looked like it was going to squeeze itself through the crack between window and wall, but a warning look from Soleil with a flyswatter made it retreat instead.

„Okay, I think it took the hint.", the girl concluded as she put the swatter back under the window, „That's one less danger to worry about. Probably ticked off your nemesis as well."

„Soleil…", Manuel spoke softly as he gestured to a paling Marinette, „Sensitivity…"

"Oh- Uhh…" Now noticing her inappropriate enthusiasm, Soleil carefully took Marinettes hand, "Hey, uhm… Are you alright?"

Letting out a slight sigh, Manuel had to bite down a comment. She was just about to get akumatized. What bigger hint was there that she was NOT okay?

"I- I just… I need some time." And with that, Marinette rushed out the room, leaving all of us with a bad conscience.

Letting out an uncomfortable sound, Soleil asked carefully, "We are not doing anything wrong… are we?"

Master Fu took word again, hoping his wisdom could lighten the load of their shoulders ever so slightly, "No, fighting for the safety of others is never wrong. Her thoughts are just clouded from grief and fear. And I can't find it in myself to blame her."

"Me neither…", Manuel admitted, still with a heavy heart, "And with her being Pharaos supposed sacrifice, I can only imagine how much she is beating herself up over it."

"Well, original sacrifice, anyway…", Soleil threw in, awkwardly rubbing the back of her head as she looked down, "He wanted to switch to me halfway through."

Catching his attention, she was asked by Manuel, "What? Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I dunno. Something about a heroic soul or some cheap excuse? All I know is, that the ascend to the heavens was the worst thing to ever happen to me."

-o-o-o- (about 30 minutes later)

Finally back in her room, Marinette gently put down her bag, before slumping down on her bed in frustration. It didn't take long before Tikki flew out of her bag and scolded her, "You almost got akumatized, Marinette!"

"I know…", she sighed dejectedly, "I just… don't know what to do… Ladybug is supposed to keep Paris safe, but those two just refuse to stay out of danger."

She sat up to fully face her kwarmi before she continued, "Manuel even died yesterday! That he is alive again is a miracle of its own! But even then, they're already making plans to keep going!"

"I know Marinette.", Tikki replied in sympathy, "Determination is a power that deserves to be feared…"

"I just… don't know what to do.", the girl finally admitted, slumping into herself with a tear rolling down her face, "How can I fight these super-akumas and keep Manuel safe at once? Why does Manuel insist on throwing himself into danger? Has Ladybug really become so unreliable since the super-akumas?"

Hating to see her wielder sink so far into self-doubt, Tikki denied instantly, "You're not unreliable, Marinette! In fact, you've become even stronger since these changes! I think, that Manuel is just convinced that everyone needs some sort of support! Even you and Chat Noir! He just may not realize, that he's putting even more pressure on you both…"

The both of them went silent for a moment. Manuel and Soleil refusing to stay safe was something, that neither of them knew how to handle effectively.

Eventually Marinette sighed, "What am I supposed to do, Tikki?" Her kwarmi looking up at her again, she continued, "Only Manuel can track those stones down, but even if he's sending Soleil to get them, how am I supposed to keep her safe?"

Thinking for a moment, Tikki eventually had to conclude, "For now, we don't know enough about them to work against those stones. Unfortunately, the best we can do for now, is relying on their own sense of self-preservation. But, since neither of them seem to have a lot of that, you two will just have to watch over them."

Neither of them was really happy with that conclusion. But with the lack of information about that new element, it was the only thing they could do. "I should talk to Chat Noir about this.", Marinette thought to herself, "Maybe he can think of something…"

-e-e-e-


Wow, that was fast, wasn't it?! Didn't even take half a year for another chapter! I'm so proud of myself!

I hope you were able to enjoy this chapter, in spite of it being as depressing as can be. Theodor (name changed for privacy-reasons) was my best friend who succumbed to his depression about… four years ago. And Filou was my very first childhood-pet who died of old age over 15 years ago.
Due to Manuel being a character based on me, I just figured they deserved to be included in this chapter, and I didn't mean any disrespect to either of them in any way at all.
Both of you, I hope you rest in peace, wherever you are.

Next time on Superheroes and Animations: Manuel has finally accepted, that him being on the front lines is a terrible idea in every single way. Now, with Soleil taking centre-stage, there is a harsh responsibility-shift, which not everyone is particularly fine with. And with her already taking on far more pressure than she can handle, some unexpected visitors she doesn't know how to work with are the absolutely last thing Soleil needs.