A.N: A MASSIVE THANK YOU to Ojas Agarwal for doing this chapter for me.


Chapter 58:

Omake 1

"Uncle Harry, can I have a cookie?" Morgan asked.

"What did your mum say?" Harry asked without looking away from the TV.

"No, but she is not the boss of you."

"I…you…this is a trap, this is a trap, isn't it?"

"A little bit"

Omake 2

"Okay, so you would like to transform into animals and play with knives and stab people, right?" Harry asked Loki.

"That is correct." Loki nodded.

"And you would pick up dangerous snakes and smash things and start fights, is that right?" Harry asked Thor.

"That is right." Thor also nodded.

"Well, in that case," Harry turned to Frigga, he took her hand in his own and planted a kiss on it. "You have my respect for helping get these morons into adulthood."

Omake 3

"See you in a minute." Natasha smiled.

"Little did they know that they would not see her in a minute, they would not see her again, ever."

"Fuck off narrator!" Harry shouted


Chapter 59:

Omake 1

Harry: I don't know officer he just fell over.

Officer: There looks like a knife wound attack in his back,

Harry: (Surprise pikachu face) Whattttt?

Omake 2

"What are you laughing at?" Harry asked

"Oh, I just thought your joke earlier was really funny." Sif said

"Sif likes Harry" Most of the Avengers sang.

"She does not." Natasha frowned.

"Natasha likes Harry." Most of the Avengers sang.

"She does not." Steve responded.

"Steve likes Natasha." Most of the Avengers sang.

"He does not!" Bucky responded.

"Bucky likes Steve." The Avengers sang.

"Nobody likes Steve!" Fury shouted.

Omake 3

"So, when Peter wants to fight then it's fine but when I was his age and wanted to fight it wasn't?" Steve asked with disbelief.

"Steve, Peter can lift buses and cars. You hadn't even figured out how to breathe properly," Bucky pointed out. "I mean…air comes in and air goes out…what's complicated about that?"

Omake 4

"That's it, Tony! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!" Pepper said.

"But Pepper…"

"No buts!" She cut him off just as Harry walked into the room. "As for you Harry, you're in the bed tonight!"

"Me?" Harry blinked. "What the hell do I have to do with this? I don't know what we're talking about."

"I know, I just want you in the bed tonight."

"Fair enough." Harry shrugged before he picked up Pepper and carried her away.

"What the fuck?!" Tony blurted out as he watched them leave.


Chapter 60:

Omake 1

"Where's the hand?" Cap asked as he looked at Thanos who was missing the hand that held the gauntlet.

"Found it." Thor said as he pointed to Harry who was trying and failing to pull it out of Padfoot's mouth.

"Damn it, Padfoot. Just give it to me!" Harry yelled five minutes later.

Omake 2

"Harry, is that your daughter?" Thor asked as he gestured to the girl running across the battlefield.

"Dropkick of justice!" She yelled as she dropkicked Thanos, only to bounce off of him and slide across the floor until she stopped in front of Harry. She looked towards him, "Daddy, I don't think justice works."

Omake 3

"What?" Green Goblin blinked as he woke up, his eyes widened when he saw he was surrounded by real goblins.

"Green Goblin, eh?" The lead goblin asked. "First, we're going to aue you for the name, then we're going to punish you. I will personally kill your mother and jerk off your father at the same time."


Chapter 61 -

Omake 1

Ross: accountability!

Harry: then y u no in jail?

Ross: … LOOK A DISTRACTION!

Harry: WHERE!?

Omake 2

"I'm pregnant, and you're the father." Freya says as she walked into the room where Harry, Odin, Thor and Loki were gathered.

"We're having another child?" Odin asked.

"No, we're having a child." She said as she gestured between herself and Harry. At this point Hela walked in.

"Dammit Harry, you got me pregnant." She said.

"How the hell did you escape hell? Wait…what the hell?" Odin said as he looked between Harry and Sif.

"Harry I am pregnant." Sif said as she walked in.

"Is there any woman left?!" Odin demanded as he looked at Harry.

"I…" Harry was cut off as several Asgardian women walked in.

"We already know, Harry got you pregnant." Everyone said before the women could speak.

"Hey, I am not pregnant." One man said, having not been visible before due to being small and standing behind women.

"Well, what are you doing here then?" Thor asked.

"I'm here because he…" The man gestured at Harry "got not only my wife, sister, and seven daughters pregnant, but also my mother and aunt."

"Wow." Loki whistled, looking quite impressed.

"Let's not forget your grandmother's book club." Harry helpfully added.

"Are there any women left?" Odin asked harry, this time completely serious.

Omake 3

"I..." Harry paused as he looked at Red Skull's nose. "…do…do you like snakes?" Harry asked.

"Well, I don't dislike them."

"Fuck it, I found Voldemort's red-headed muggle twin!"

Omake 4

"Daddy!" A voice called midway through the battle.

"Everybody stop!" Harry yelled, causing everyone on the battlefield to stop. Harry looked around until he spotted his daughter, Rose, standing next to Thanos, he teleported next to her. "What's wrong, peanut?" Harry asked.

"That's mine, Daddy!" She said in a said voice as she gestured to the infinity gauntlet. "But he won't give it back to me!"

"Thanos, give it back." Harry told him.

"What? No." Thanos replied.

"Thanos, I said give it back." Harry said.

"I don't want to!"

"Thanos give it back right now." Harry said in a firm voice as his eyes narrowed.

"Fine," Thanos huffed and dropped the gauntlet at her feet. "That's not even fair." He complained as he walked away, pouting as he did so.

"Thank you, Daddy." Rose beamed.


Chapter 62 -

Omake 1

"Daddy!" A voice called midway through the battle.

"Everybody stop!" Harry yelled, causing everyone on the battlefield to stop. Harry looked around until he spotted his daughter, Rose, standing next to Thanos, he teleported next to her. "What's wrong, peanut?" Harry asked.

"That's mine, Daddy!" She said in a said voice as she gestured to the infinity gauntlet. "But he won't give it back to me!"

"Thanos, give it back." Harry told him.

"What? No." Thanos replied.

"Thanos, I said give it back." Harry said.

"I don't want to!"

"Thanos give it back right now." Harry said in a firm voice as his eyes narrowed.

"Fine," Thanos huffed and dropped the gauntlet at her feet. "Little bitch"

"Thanos!" Harry snapped as he reached up and slapped him, causing his chin to shake from side to side.

"Master!" One of Thanos's minions cried out as he moved forward, only to be slapped by Harry hard enough to cause him to change directions.

"I will help…" Another minion was cut off by a slap from Harry.

"Harry" Thor said "You need to…" Thor was cut off as Harry slapped him across the face.

"Whoa Harry, I…" It was now Steve who got slapped.

By the end of it at least 300 people were slapped. Aliens, men, women, young, old, nobody had been safe, apart from the small girl who was happily rocking back and forth while holding the gauntlet. Happy that she had such a nice daddy.

Omake 2

There is chaos and riot in all the streets of the world, all of the Avengers turn in Harry's way.

"What?!"

"What did you do?!" Natasha asks

"Nothing! I just published the accords on the internet! Who would have thought that having the people knowing that their governments breaking their constitution and several laws. Including having jail for life without a trial (cut to explosion) would have the people rebel, especially in the USA with all the facial profillings…"

"Do you plan on fixing that?" Tony asks

"Nah, you were right," Harry replied "we should listen to the people."

Omake 3

Harry: I got a counter offer to the bill of enslavement.

UN: Oh?

Harry: Yup, if you don't sign it I won't have to use my extensive skills as a spy to track down everyone who put their names on that piece of shit, nor would I then teleport you to the nearest active volcano, and neither would you have to find out whether it's consistency is more like a liquid or a concrete mixture by taking a dive in it.

UN: …you make an excellent argument, all in agreement of not signing our death warrant?


Chapter 63:

Omake 1

"Ross?"

"Yes?"

"You're under arrest for way too many charges and crimes against the world at large to even attempt to list…"

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M A…!" Ross gets silenced by a silent and wandless cast spell by a hidden GRIM who shouts "WHO REALLY GIVES A FIG, ROSS? *sighs* Take this idiot away."

Omake 2

"ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS!" Cap shouted as he raised his shield.

"IF SHE BREATHES…SHE'S A THOT!" Iron man shouted back before his team charged at Cap's team.

Meanwhile Harry and Loki were sat on lawn chairs a short distance away, watching the carnage while eating popcorn.

"How on Midgard's name did you manage to set this chaos up?" Loki asked in an impressed voice.

"I have a lot of free time on my hands." Harry shrugged

Omake 3

"Alright, now we're just going to see how you react if a burglar comes into the house." Harry told his five-year-old daughter.

"Okay daddy" Rose nodded.

"Good," Natasha smiled. "Tony will play the burglar."

"Fine" Tony rolled his eyes before he walked around the house pretending to be a burglar. "Look, I'm going to steal a stereo." He said dramatically, his back turned to Rose. Rose frowned and glared at him before she quickly took a gun from Natasha's holster and cocked it before she snatched Harry's wand out of his hand. She walked over to Tony and Jabbed them both in his back.

"Drop the stereo before I blow your goddamn nuts off, asshole!" She said loudly, causing Tony to freeze and drop the imaginary stereo.

"H…Harry, Natasha…we really need to talk." Tony gulped.

Omake 4

"Daddy, when can I have sex?" Rose asked

"When I'm dead" Harry replied

"But you're immortal!"

"I know." Harry smirked


Chapter 64:

Omake 1

Ross: I bribed *cough* I mean, politically managed to pull my weight and got my crimes against humanity bill passed!

Thor: That's neat, I suppose that means Asgard will from this day forward remove its protections from the planet since you somehow think we're going to willingly walk into slavery.

*Ross starts sweating

Thor: Enjoy the warring Empires that would love to add a garden to their list, or the uncountable number of pirates that roam the galaxy to just pop up and blows up a continent or two with their ridiculously outdated gear that you would be utterly unable to even defend against.

*Ross goes several shades whiter*

Thor: Ah but no worries, The Mad Titan Thanos who has been eyeballing this world for decades will probably be here first, he's quite insane. He thinks that killing 50 percent of the galaxy's population is going to save it. He does so at random, coinflip whether any single one of you in this here room live or die.

*gunshot*

Some ghandi pacifist looking Motherfucker: Oh, my what a terrible tragedy! It seems that all of Ross' blood and brain matter make the only copy on the accord quite unreadable! Such a shame that, guess we're going to just assume that never happened, right guys?

*All of the UN nodding their heads at light speeds*

Omake 2

Doctor Strange and Harry are face to face, not saying a word to each other for five minutes.

Harry: Sooo you have the time stone?

Strange: Yes

Harry: And you are smart?

Strange: I am a surgeon so yes

Harry: And you didn't used it fix your hand because?

Strange: I am not supposed to break time like that

Harry: But you use it all the time, even with an apple…

They don't say a word for five more minutes

Harry: So, am I the Sorcerer Supreme now?

Strange: Get out

Omake 3

"We need to get rid of Thanos" Steve said.

"What?" Peter Parker blinked in a confused manner.

"We're going to yeet the fucker into death" Harry translated.

"Oh, okay" Peter nodded in understanding.

"What?" Peter Quill blinked "Oh" He said in understanding when Harry rubbed a finger across his throat.

Omake 4

"You have to come Harry, everyone else will be there" Natasha said for what felt like the millionth time.

"Can't come if I'm not alive." Harry grinned before shooting his own head.

"Did you forget or purposely ignore the fact that you're immortal?" Natasha asked when Harry sat up a minute later.

Omake 5

"Mummy," Rose smiled brightly "I have a boyfriend." She said just before Harry walked in the room.

"You HAD one" He calmly said before walking out, straightening his clothes as he did so.

Chapter 65:

Omake 1

"Oh, for fuck sakes" Natasha groaned, she and Harry were staying in a hotel room for a night and their sleep was being constantly disturbed by a drug deal going on in the next room.

"Where's the stuff?" One voice asked.

"No, you don't get to see the stuff before I see the money." The other voice replied.

"There's only one way to end this quickly" Harry said to Natasha. "He's wearing a wire!" Harry shouted.

Omake 2

"Alright," Natasha said to a teenage Rose. "I'm going to teach you the important art of seduction."

"Nope" Harry said as he walks into the room and picks up his daughter before walking out without saying another word.

Omake 3

Strange: I'm the sorcerer supreme because I have the time stone.

Harry: …That's the dumbest qualifier for a stupid magical title I've ever seen.

Strange: No, it's not, it means I can hold the power over time and be responsible with it.

Harry: Yeah, no. We had time turners available for students who wanted to take extra classes that overlapped in a schedule, believe me, if having power over time meant anything I'd call myself the Supreme Mugwump.

Omake 4

The Avengers assembled together as aliens flew downward from the sky.

"Clint, what are you doing?" Natasha whispered to Clint who had closed his eyes.

"I'm closing my eyes and hoping they go away" Clint replied.

"That's stupid, I…Harry why are you doing the same?"

"Because I'm magical and it might actually work if I do." Harry answered

Omake 5

"Hey, back off" Natasha said to the tenth girl who tried to flirt with Harry.

"It's not like you've got your name on him" The girl scoffed.

"Actually…" Natasha turned to Harry and pulled up his shirt to reveal a tattoo on his back that said 'If found return to Avengers or Natasha' …I do." She smirked at the girl.


Chapter 66:

Omake 1

"Wait," Harry said as he looked between Loki and Hela "black hair, green clothes and stabby shit." He noted before turning to Thor. "Are you sure that you weren't the adopted one?" He asked

Omake 2

Peter: So, did you ever watch that old movie Alien?

Harry: Don't worry kid, I have a better plan.

10 minutes later Ebony Maw help them successfully take the gauntlet from Thanos

Thanos: How did you bring him to your side?!

Harry: Simple I made him a Crabby Patty. Once that was done, I just had to promise him to give him as much as he wanted!

Cut to Ebony Maw eating without stopping.

Harry: But he will pay for his crimes.

Harry flicks his wand and the Crabby Patty goes right to Ebony's thighs before it explodes.

Omake 3

Harry: Ok that's it, stop trying to corrupt my daughter with horrible pranks, turning into a snake to stab your brother is not funny.

Thor: Indeed, come on Rose, I shall teach you how to throw your brother at your enemies when they don't expect it, it is both hilarious and useful.

Loki: My prank teaches both guile, cunning and acting all at once! You just toss a guy at armed opponents.

Thor: At least I can lift unlike you magic folks *flexes for maximum douchiness*

Harry: Ok that's it!

*Brawl starts*

Natasha: see how easy that was honey? Play their ego and you can make them do whatever you want and they'll think they were the ones to do it.

Rose: Thanks mom!

Omake 4

"And this is my girlfriend, Natasha." Harry said, introducing Ginny to Natasha.

"Oh, and I suppose that it's just a coincidence that she's a red head?" Ginny asked with a smirk.

"…"

"…"

"Yes"

Omake 5

"I have SHIELD" Nick Fury said.

"I have hair on my head." Harry replied.

"I have Asgard" Odin said.

"I have your daughter." Harry replied

"We're richer than you." Fury and Odin said at the same time.

"Yeah, but do the two of you have both eyes?" Harry asked.


Chapter 69:

Omake 1

Steve: Okay guys…and girls! We have only this one chance to stop Thanos when he arrives and we cannot afford to be dis-…Harry? Where did you get that Muffin?

Harry: MuffinButton

Omake 2

Harry was playing (winning at) mario cart with Steve and Bucky when Natasha threw the infinity gauntlet at his head.

Natasha: Harry you need to stop teaching Rose magic until she's older. Someone is going to be-

Harry: killed in comedic fashion?

Natasha: -hurt.

Harry: Huh, why'd you say that? (Harry asked confused)

Natasha: She heard me complaining about how we couldn't find the gauntlet in a shiel meeting, said accio, and five minutes later the purple guy is dragged in through the wall!

Harry: (Harry squinted at Natasha, confused) Isn't she meant to be in Asgard with Sif? How did she get to you?

Natasha: (Natasha deadpans and responded) She apparated.

Harry: …

Natasha: …

Rose: …

Harry: THAT'S MY GIRL!

Rose: (Rose gurgled and threw her hands in the air) accio!

Harry: (Harry was yanked towards his daughter at absurdly high speed) urk!

Omake 3

"Everyone here has daddy issues." Tony said

"I don't, no dad." Harry replied

"I don't, best dad." Rose smiled before hugging Harry.


Chapter 70 -

Omake 1

"Never thought I'd meet Voldemort again." Harry sighed, looking down at the tied up, dark lord.

"Tell us what you know" Fury said to Voldemort who started hissing in parseltongue. "What did he say?" He asked Harry

"Well," Harry paused when he noticed Rose was still in the room "…he used the 'n' word."

"The 'n' word?!" Fury repeated in an offended voice. "You tell this little mother-fu…"

"Fury!" Natasha hissed, "No swearing in front of Rose" she said.

"Fine, tell this piece if 'S' word that I will personally 'f' word him up." Fury said to Harry.

"Oh…you should tell him that his mother was a whore!" Rose said helpfully, causing all the adults to look at her. "What?"

Omake 2

Rose brings a boy home.

Rose: Mum, Dad this is my boyfriend.

Natasha: Good luck kid

Boyfriend: Why?

Harry walks in covered in blood wielding a knife: What's this I hear about a boyfriend?

Omake 3

Thanos: With the simple snap of my fingers, all my problems will cease to exist.

Harry, watching Thanos, eating his muffin: Will it fix that scrotum sack you call a chin?

Thanos, looking very solemn, a stray tear rolling down his check: Unfortunately not

Omake 4

Team IronMan: We need to follow the rules!

Team Cap: We need to do what's right!

Harry speaking loudly while sitting off to the side and doing Rose's hair: Why don't you asshats just follow the rules until their wrong and then do the right thing?!

Team IronMan: …

Team Cap: …

Rose: That does seem pretty simple.


Chapter 72 -

Omake 1

"So, we need someone to get sneak the bomb in to destroy this ship and hen we need another someone to do the same to the other ship, problem is that they won't survive the explosion." Tony frowned

"But isn't Daddy immortal?" Rose asked, causing everyone in the room to look at her. "So can't you use him to destroy one ship then go destroy the other?"

"She's right!" Steve gasped.

"Wow, we've got the world's only re-usable suicide bomber!" Hawkeye cheered along with everyone else.

"Rose, you're grounded." Harry told her.

Omake 2

"Hi guys," Nat said as she walked into the house. "I…" She trailed off when she saw Harry, Rose and her sister Yelena crouching down on the floor, imitating her fighting pose.

"And then she flicks her hair like this." Yelena smiled, flicking her hair up. Rose laughed and copied her.

"Ahem" Natasha coughed, causing them all to look at her. "What is going on?"

"Oh, we're keeping this one." Harry said as he gestured to Yelena while Rose nodded in agreement.

Omake 3

"I am…inevitable." Thanos smirked

"Oh, I can spell that!" Rose's voice called from a long distance away.

"Proud of you, sweetie!" Harry called back before blasting Thanos in the chin.


Chapter 73 -

Omake 1

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Harry asked Rose while he sat on his sofa, playing on his PlayStation.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Rose asked, pointing outside of the window to the giant robot that was attacking the city.

"…"

"…"

"I won't tell your mum if you don't tell her."

"Deal"

Omake 2

"Harry," Natasha said "Hela just gave Rose a sword."

"And?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"We need to give her a better sword now," Natasha replied "I don't care if she's the goddess of death, she's not one-upping me in front of my daughter."

Omake 3

"So…what is your best accomplishment?" A reporter asked.

"Training my daughter to spit upon hearing the name 'Snape'." Harry answered.


Chapter 75 -

Omake 1

"Yo, Dr. Strange, I need your help." Harry said as he knocked on Strange's door.

"What's wrong? Hydra? Aliens?" Dr. Strange asked as he opened the door and found Harry standing in front of him along with Rose.

"No, her throat is sore," Harry said before gently pushing Rose forwards. "fix it."

Omake 2

"So, Rose and Morgan are playing together at Tony's, Sif and Hela are out with Thor, which means we got the house to ourselves." Harry grinned at Natasha before he heard a door knock. "What?" Harry blinked and opened the door to find Tony, Rose, and Morgan. "What now?"

"They blew up my house." Tony frowned. Harry gave him a piercing look.

"You gave them sugar, didn't you?" Harry asked knowingly.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Little bit." Tony admitted.

Omake 3

"Give me a cookie!" Rose stomped her foot angrily.

"Not until you say please." Steve replied patiently as Harry stepped into the room without Rose noticing.

"My father will hear about this!" Rose threatened. A stricken look appeared on Harry's face at hearing those words, he lowered his head and aimed his wand at the back of Rose's head.

Omake 4

"Daddy, where do babies come from?" Hela asked Odin. Odin stared at her for several seconds before pulling out the biggest bottle of whiskey he can find.

"Hela…"

"Yes, daddy?"

"You're banished."


Chapter 76 -

Omake 1

Harry arrives with Hela at home and finds Natasha and Sif staring at him with their arms crossed. They stare at each other for several long minutes before Harry breaks the silence.

"Can I keep her?" Harry asks hopefully.

Omake 2

"Your farm is nice," Harry told Clint as Clint and Clint's wife, Laura, gave him a tour.

"Oh, thanks." Clint smiled. "Oh, here are the goats. That one is called Dax, the other is called Chase, that's Rhino, oh and that's Chompy, be careful with her. Oh, and here are the chickens."

"Did you name those as well?" Harry asked in an amused voice.

"Oh, he named them after the Avengers." Laura told him.

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah, except he eats them whenever you guys make him angry. Our oldest one is Natasha, and last week we got a new Harry."

Harry gaped at her for a minute before looking towards Clint who had just picked up a chicken.

"Hello Tony," Clint grinned as he stared at the kitchen. "let's talk."

Omake 3

"Yeah, listen up, I'm going to need that infinity gauntlet and all of the stones on it." Harry told Thanos, holding his wand up threateningly.

"And why would I give them to you?" Thanos scoffed.

"Because it's my daughter's birthday tomorrow and I need her a present, so give it here."


Chapter 78 -

Omake 1

"Mum, Dad," Rose smiled, "meet my new boyfriend, Miles Morales."

"Hi" Miles waved.

"Aren't you that new Spiderman?" Harry asked.

"Um…yes, sir."

"That's good, it means you should be able to dodge this." Harry said before he pulled out several large guns.

Omake 2

"Red hair, and muggle clothes? You must be a Weasley." Draco Malfoy sneered at Natasha who narrowed her eyes at him.

"So…what did she break?" Harry asked Draco who was lying down on a hospital bed, covered in bandages.

"Everything" Draco groaned.

Omake 3

"So, to sum up, you want me to join you in destroying what many consider to be one of the most dangerous armies in the world?" Hela asked Harry.

"Pretty much." Harry nodded.

"Put your fucking baby in me right now."

Omake 4

"Happy birthday Rose!"

Rose opened her eyes and saw Loki trapped in a cage.

"You got me my own Loki?!" Rose gasped.

"Yep!" Harry grinned.

"Cool! Does it come with a Thor as well?" Rose asked, ignoring the way that Loki was screaming and banging his fists on the cage. Harry paused and stared at her.

"I'll be right back."

Omake 5

"All's well that ends well," Death smiled as she looked down at the Earth below her. "Stan"

"Yeah?"

"Get your hand off my butt please."