Chapter 27
"Have you heard from Katie?" Henry asked.
Jaime looked up at his grandfather. He met his eyes. "Not recently," he said, hoping the abridged truth would pass without question. He hadn't seen Kate since he had put handcuffs on her four days ago.
He glanced at his father. Frank looked at the empty chair, the place setting for Kate, the one for Joe. He cleared his throat but didn't say anything.
"I'm sure they'll both be here again," Eddie said, clearly striving to sound optimistic. "It's just…a lot all at once, coming into this family. Back into this family," she amended for Kate's situation.
"Or she's gone for another three years," Danny said.
"Danny," Erin said sharply.
"What? You think she's just going to turn up for Sunday dinners, then go back to the gang she's running with, like it's some Monday through Friday gig? You think that's how this works?" Danny tossed his fork down.
"Of course not! But you saying that isn't helping anything."
"And you keeping your head in the sand is? You think that's helping, Erin?"
Erin leaned forward. "I think you giving up hope is the farthest thing from helping."
"That's enough," Frank said.
Erin sat back in her chair, pursing her lips. Danny narrowed his eyes at her, then picked up his wine glass and took a long drink.
Frank turned his attention to Jaime and Jaime tried to look neutral.
"Funny thing about being the commissioner," Frank started. "I can find out what cases my detectives are working. Even if they're keeping a lid on it from everyone else. I can find out, for instance, what the Firearm Investigation Unit is doing. What gang they have undercovers planted in. What neighborhood. Who the leaders of that gang are. And when there are arrests involving any of that." He held Jaime's gaze steadily.
"She wasn't arrested," Jaime finally said.
Frank nodded. "Probably in everyone's best interest to keep her name and ties to the police off of paper."
Jaime waited, not sure what else his dad knew, what else he wanted to clarify.
"She's safe for now?" he asked.
Jaime nodded.
Frank answered with a heavy sigh and a nod of his own. It was left unspoken that no one was sure how long Kate's safety could be guaranteed.
#
Carlos didn't say anything, but his face softened at the sight of Kate. He looked like he was slightly amused, seeing Kate out of her usual ripped jeans and hooded sweatshirts.
Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "This is stupid," she said, turning to go back into the spare room she still occupied in his parents' house.
"Don't," he said, moving to stop her. "Come on. It'll be good for Frannie."
Again, Kate narrowed her eyes. She looked down at Frannie in her arms, and a long sigh dragged out of her. It was as much as she could give in the way of relenting.
"I just meant you clean up nice," Carlos said, his dark eyes hinting at humor.
Kate scowled and Carlos laughed.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered.
Frannie reached out for Carlos. "Traitor," she whispered under her breath. Frannie reached up and pulled at Carlos' hair.
Carlos grinned down at her. "Tell your mama Mass will be good for her soul."
"My soul was lost a long time ago," Kate said before she caught herself.
Carlos looked at her. Any humor left his expression. "It can be found again," he said.
Kate couldn't look away from the promise in his brown eyes. The lack of judgment.
With a small frown, she moved around him, towards the stairs. "Let's just get this over with," she said.
When Carlos parked his Jeep down the block from the church, he looked over at her. "You don't have to…" he started. "We can leave. Now, in the middle of Mass, whenever. You let me know."
Kate looked down the street at the tall stone building. It wasn't a church she had ever been to, but it was just like every other Catholic church she had been to. The familiarity was a beacon at the same time it repelled her. She wanted to run. Take Frannie and go back to what had become their life.
In the backseat, Frannie let out an impatient squeal.
Kate opened her door and got out. She brushed a hand over the fitted black dress Carlos had picked up at her apartment when he packed more clothes for her and Frannie. She hadn't worn heels in years. Not since Joe's funeral.
She shoved that memory from her mind, tracing her fingers against the numbers on her wrist briefly.
She opened the back door and unbuckled Frannie, straightening the corduroy dress she wore. Carlos hadn't feigned any pretense when she had looked through the bags he brought back from the apartment. He had packed clothes for her and Frannie to wear to church. He had invited her to Mass with him and his parents. And, like an idiot, she had agreed.
Kate made an effort not to grip Frannie too tightly as they walked with other parishioners to the building.
"Carlos!" Rose called in greeting, raising her hand in a wave from where she stood on the front steps with Anthony.
Kate hardened her expression in response to the look Anthony gave her. She knew he had placed her the night he saw her with Jaime. He knew who she really was, though he hadn't said anything to her yet.
Three heads turned to follow Rose's look, Carlos' sisters all lighting up when they saw him, then faltering when they saw her at his side.
"Your sisters are all here," Kate muttered. Their husbands and kids, too, but they didn't all turn to stare at her.
"It's fine," Carlos said, a light hand touching her lower back in a show of support. Not the right move to make, judging by the way his sisters' eyes all followed the move.
"Who's this?" one of the sisters, Kate couldn't remember which one, asked, looking at Frannie, then back to Carlos.
"She's my daughter," Kate snapped. They could judge her—they should judge her for being with Carlos—but Frannie hadn't done anything. She hadn't made one bad decision after another to earn the life she lived with Kate.
Carlos' hand was on her back again, firmer this time. He fixed his sister with a look. "You remember Kate?" he asked his sisters.
"Of course," the oldest of the three said, her tone implying it was more because Kate was notorious than memorable.
Kate had pulled her hair back into a low knot and saw one of the woman look at the tattoo inked on the back of her neck, then the line of piercings going up her ear.
"I'm glad you're here," Rose said, moving to Kate's side. "Both of you." She tickled Frannie's cheek and Frannie rewarded
Kate stood stiffly.
"We're going to go get our seats," Carlos said.
The sister, the oldest again, knit her brow and started to say they already had their pew, but Carlos cut her off.
"We'll find our own place. Thanks, Sofia."
Kate's shoulders relaxed with relief when he guided her away from his family, toward a back pew. Out of habit, Kate dipped her fingers in the holy water on her way in, making the sign of the cross.
There was comfort in the familiarity. The liturgy. Kneel. Response. Stand. Response. Communion. Kneel. Years of Catholic school. Thousands of Sundays in the pew with her family making the same motions, reciting the same prayers and responses.
"Go in peace."
When the priest dismissed them with the familiar words, Kate couldn't move. Frannie wriggled in her arms, but Kate didn't take her from the church.
She looked at the stained glass windows, pictures depicting stories her mother had told her, things she had once believed. Things Joe had believed. Things that had tied her to her family.
She felt Carlos' eyes on her. She tried to shake herself out of it, get moving, but couldn't.
"Come on," Carlos said. He got her moving, but didn't go toward the line of people moving out of the church. He guided her toward the front of the sanctuary, to a small vestibule to the side, away from the crowd.
It was the same set up as every church Kate had ever been in. Rows of flickering candles, their glow of light dimmed through the deep red votive holders. Candles believers had lit when requesting something in prayer, when pleading with God for something.
In remembrance of someone.
Carlos took Frannie from Kate's suddenly stiff arms.
"Take your time," he said. His words were quiet, meant only for her to hear, keeping his head close to her. He took Frannie and went to the edge of the alcove, speaking quietly to her daughter. Kate couldn't hear what he was saying, but she didn't try.
She took one of the long stemmed matches and lit it from the center candle.
She lit a candle, thinking of her mom. Of all the times she had gone to her with questions and hurts and everything had been fixed.
Another candle for Joe. Thinking of how he had always known what was right and done what was right. He had died doing what he knew was right.
Her hands shook as she lit a last candle. For the family she couldn't go back to. The family she had lost because of her own decisions.
She blew out the match with stiff lips, setting it in the place designated for used matches to be snuffed out.
She turned away from the candles before her vision blurred with tears, before she grieved anymore.
"Let's go," she said to Carlos.
He didn't say anything to her, just put one hand on her back and kept it there. Outside, in the bright sunlight, he steered her down the steps, past his family, avoiding the calls of his sisters.
Kate got Frannie settled in her carseat, Carlos closing the door, then opening the passenger door for Kate. He didn't speak until he was behind the wheel. He didn't start the vehicle.
"You ok?" he asked.
No. She didn't know how to be ok anymore. Kate blinked, the sun too bright in her eyes. She swallowed hard and looked at Carlos, her jaw tightening.
"You will be," Carlos said.
Kate started to shake her head, but Carlos stilled the movement, one hand moving to rest against her jaw, his touch light, but firm.
"You're going to be ok," he said. "I'm going to make sure you are. You and Frannie."
Kate hated the way her jaw trembled as she held back any show of emotion. She hoped Carlos couldn't see it. Even more than that, she hated the way she wanted to believe him.
Carlos moved closer, leaning to close the distance between them. Kate stilled, not sure if she wanted him to stop or not.
Carlos pressed a kiss against her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin.
Brushing his fingers against her cheek, he settled back into his own seat, starting the SUV and pulling out into the after Mass traffic without saying anything more.
Kate stayed still. She fought against everything Carlos promised. She couldn't risk believing him. Trusting him.
She reached her hand over, resting it on the console between them, looking straight ahead, pressing her lips together.
Without a word, Carlos took her hand, holding it securely in his warm grip.
#
