Day 3 (Spaceman): Searching For Myself
Yamato stared at the object in his hands as he lied down on the ground in another forest. It hadn't been long since he and Koushiro found their crests and the fight between Greymon and Tyrannomon broke out. The words Gennai had told the group a couple of days ago and also the ones he told Koushiro about the reason he wanted a crests kept echoing on his mind. And they were the reason why he couldn't sleep that night. So eventually he gave up and walked away.
The sky was full of stars and Yamato realized he had lost account of how many nights they have been at the Digital World. He wondered if his parents were desperately looking for him and Takeru and how much time had passed since they were brought to the world. The Friendship crest still hanging over his dark green shirt.
"You should know by now it's dangerous to leave the group during the night. One of Etemon's soldiers can show up any second and attack you."
"I know." He lowered his gaze to Gabumon. "I just couldn't sleep."
"What are you thinking about?" The reptile Digimon sat beside his partner.
"A lot of things, to be honest." Yamato looked down at his crest. "But mostly if I'm going to be able to instigate you the right way, so you won't make a wrong evolution like Agumon did and if this crest will help me improve as a person."
"I have no doubt you will do it greatly." Gabumon held his hands within his own. "But what do you mean with improve as a person?"
"We still don't know if these crests mean something or what they are about, but I have a feeling they are deeply connected to us, you know? I can't help but feel like this is going to help me be a better person."
"This is important to you, isn't it?" The Digimon offered Yamato a warm smile when their eyes met. "To be someone better for Takeru."
"Yeah." The boy admitted. "I have to be someone he can rely on and look up to. He's just a child, he needs me. But not just for Takeru, for the others too. And my parents."
"I'm sure Takeru already looks up to you the way you are. It's clear he admires you the way you are simply because you are you."
"Gabumon." Yamato said slowly and could feel his eyes getting teary.
"You don't need to be better for the others. You need to be better for yourself. That should be your aim with whatever that crest means. And we will find out together, just like we have for everything so far."
"Be better for myself…" He let his partner's words absorb for a moment. The truth was that he was still trying to find out who he was or was meant to be. "But…"
"You shouldn't live up to other people's expectations, Yamato. They can't dictate how you should be, so you'll never be yourself. You are the one who controls your life. They can try to dictate all they want, but in the end it's ultimately your decision. Your life."
"I know." Yamato let out a smile. "Thanks, Gabumon. I'm so glad you are by my side through this journey. I don't know what I would do without you."
"You don't need to thank me." Gabumon said shyly. "We're partners. We'll be together until the end."
"You can count on it!" He knelt down and hugged his partner. "We should really get going now. It's late and we are going to keep walking early in the morning."
"Yeah." The boy stood up, holding hands with his Digimon. "Let's go get some rest."
.
Yamato was staring once again at his crest in his hands. He couldn't help but still feel really guilty about the fight that had happened a couple of days ago.
"Yamato." Tsunomon said in a low tone and looked at his partner with concern.
"What's wrong with me, Tsunomon?" He asked suddenly and folded his arms above his knees, placing his chin over them. "I have the Crest of Friendship and I was fighting one of my friends days ago."
"You did what you had to do, remember?" The Digimon jumped closer to his partner and their eyes met. "And also, you are the best one in the group to possess this crest. You are always thinking about the others' well-beings and making sure no one gets hurt. Not to mention you are always around to help whenever they need. That's true friendship for me."
"It doesn't seem true to me."
"But it will be soon." Tsunomon reassured him. "And I'm positive you will understand it too when you finally figure out who you are."
"I'm not even sure if I'll be able to find out anymore."
"Sure you will. It takes a lot of courage to leave your own brother behind in order to find yourself. You want to go back to him, don't you?"
"I do, but…" Yamato bit his lower lip. "I'm not sure he needs me anymore. He has grown up so much since we got here."
"Of course he needs you! And you need him too. I have no doubt he believes in you, no matter how far you are from him. He's really proud of you simply for being who you are. You are his biggest example and that will never change."
"I know."
Yamato went silent and stretched his legs. The motion made him realize his harmonica was still in his pocket, so he shoved his hand inside it and took the instrument out.
"You haven't played it for a while." Tsunomon stated as he looked at it with admiration.
"Yeah, I don't feel like playing it right now." He also looked at the object in his hands with care and attention.
Yamato closed his hand around his harmonica and pressed it down the grass. Tsunomon kept looking at him worried.
"What's going on?" He jumped on his legs and looked at him right in the eyes. "What are you thinking about?"
"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Do you think I'm selfish for leaving the others alone when they need me the most?"
"Of course not!" Tsunomon said quickly, yet in a reassuring way. "You could never be selfish. So you needed time to figure out who you are and be true to yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. They will all go through that at some point or another. This is your moment and there's nothing wrong with it. Do you understand me?"
"Yes… I do."
"We will join the others again when your journey is over. For now just focus on your new journey in search of your true self, okay?"
"Okay." Yamato tried to sound as firm as he could. "I guess we should get going now."
He dropped his harmonica right beside him, by a tree, and held his partner with both hands before getting up and starting to walk away.
"Yamato." Tsunomon sounded alarmed and looked towards the tree and to his partner with despair. "Your harmonica is there, you forgot it."
"I didn't forget it, Tsunomon." He refused to make eye contact to the Digimon because things would be harder for him. "I purposely left it there."
"But why?"
"I'm also leaving a part of me behind. There will be a new Yamato starting from right now. Let's go."
.
As soon as Yamato walked into his apartment that Saturday afternoon, he heard his father playing his old guitar. He found it weird because he didn't think he never listened to him playing before, but he was absolutely amazed by the sound of it. Before he knew it, he was standing by his door.
"Hey dad, what are you playing?"
"Oh hey, son. I was playing a song I used to listen to a lot when I was younger."
"It's a very good song."
"It is." Hiroaki put his guitar away. "I'm a little rusty though, since it's been ages I haven't played it. So I'm not doing the song any justice."
"Well, I'd love to hear the original one someday. But I have no doubt you did your best and definitely did it justice."
"I didn't know you were into rock music."
"Honestly? Neither did I. But the sound of your guitar is so amazing it got me drawn right away."
"I can really relate to that. The same thing happened to me when I first heard it. This is my first guitar ever, by the way. My parents had a bad opinion about guitars in general and never bought one for me. So when I had enough money, I bought it myself. I never took any lessons from it though. Everything I learned was from watching other guitar players in concerts and tutorial videos."
"That seems interesting." Yamato couldn't stop looking at the red guitar placed against the wall. "Can I hold it?"
"Sure." Hiroaki grabbed it and handed it to him. "The first thing you need to do is figure out what is the better position for you to hold it. Some people prefer the arm on the right and some, on the left. It's just a matter of preference, it doesn't change the sound."
"Alright."
It didn't take Yamato long to find out he preferred holding the arm of the guitar with his left hand and he strummed his first chords ever.
"That was actually good for someone who's never played before. You definitely have a talent for music."
"I wonder who I got that from."
A smile escaped from Hiroaki's lips. "These things we have in the beginning of the arm are made to tune the strings. You'll be using that a lot."
"That's pretty impressive, dad." He said in awe while he handed the guitar back to his father.
"Do you want to keep it?"
"What?"
"You seem so excited about it and I don't play it like I used to, so I think you will make better usage of it."
"Wow, dad…" He stared at the instrument in front of him. "I really don't know what to say. Thank you."
"You're welcome, son." He squeezed Yamato's left shoulder lightly. "If you work hard, you will learn so much and be a great guitarist."
"I hope so."
Yamato walked into his room a little after that, carrying his first guitar ever. He carefully sat down on his bed and stared at it across his room. He then shoved his hand into his pocket and took out his harmonica, glancing at it carefully. He was going to split his attention between both instruments, but he could never forget the one who helped him go through the hardest moments of his life.
.
Yamato was sitting on his bed, packing his final items before moving out. The only things remaining unpacked were his guitar and his old harmonica, which he grabbed and looked at with attention. He couldn't tell what it was that he was feeling, but something inside him had changed.
"Yamato?" Takeru asked as he went looking for him in the house. "The car is fully packed and dad is already waiting for you."
"Thanks, Takeru. I'll be right there." Yamato replied without looking at his brother. He couldn't keep his eyes away from the small instrument in his hand.
"Is something wrong?"
"I don't know. I just feel different."
"About your harmonica?" Takeru sat down beside him and stared at it too. "But you love it."
"I do, that didn't change. I just…" He went quiet for a moment, thinking of the best way to say it. "I don't know, I feel like my cycle with it came to an end."
"Like a new phase in your life?"
"Yes, exactly. And I have this feeling my harmonica doesn't fit in anymore, you know? We don't have to fight against bad Digimon anymore and I'm about to get into college. Adulthood is right around the corner, and somehow this harmonica reminds me everything we went through in these past seven years."
"You don't want to remember them anymore?"
"Of course I do. It's a part of my life I never want to forget. It's just…" Suddenly he remembered the words he had told Tsunomon during his first adventure in the Digital World, after he went his own way to try to find his true self. The answer he gave his partner back then seemed perfect for this moment too. "I'm leaving a part of me behind. There will be a new Yamato starting from right now."
"That's so poetic." Takeru stated with a smile. "So basically you're officially an adult now."
"To put it simply, that's exactly it."
"So what are you going to do about your harmonica now? Are you simply going to leave it here?"
"I'm not sure yet. Is it strange to say I don't also want to leave it behind?"
"Well, if you feel that way is because you're not fully convinced with your decision or maybe your journey with it isn't over yet."
"Maybe."
"Why don't you take it with you and think this through again? That way, you won't make a decision you will regret in the future."
"You have a point." Yamato stared at the gold metal harmonica still in his hand, closed into a fist this time. "But…"
Takeru was surprised and unable to react when Yamato pushed it onto his hand. The look in his eyes was of simply confusion. "What's this about?"
"I want to give it away to someone who will have a better usage of it than me."
"But Yamato…" The blonde looked down at the object that was so important for both he and his brother and he realized he also didn't want to get rid of it. "Do you really want me to do it?"
"Yes." He said firmly.
"Won't you regret it?"
"I might regret it in the future, but I still want you to do it."
"Alright then." Takeru said, though his heart was pounding and aching with that decision.
.
Yamato was walking home that night. As he was walking down the street, he saw a child playing a harmonica and his family watching him proudly. Earlier that day, he had a conversation with one his classmates on the stairs at their college about future and how a rumor about Yamato supposedly joining the Armed Forces as an official was spread around the campus. Truth was, he didn't know what he wanted to do after college yet. Sighing deeply, he resumed his way home.
But luck didn't seem to be on his side that night. Not too far from where he had seen the child, there was a street musician singing a song and a few people crowded around him enjoying it. He stopped to listen to the man for a while, though he showed no emotion on his face due to his internal conflict. Eventually, he looked away and once again resumed his way home. It seemed like life was telling him music was still a very important part of his life.
The following days were pretty much the same, until he had received that call from Koushiro, telling him to go his office. It was the first thing he had done after his classes ended, and he didn't think he's ever run so fast in his life before that. He should have expected, but he still hoped the whole group was there, but only Taichi and Takeru showed up. The others were too busy focusing on their lives. It was when he received probably the worst news ever. His connection to Gabumon was coming to an end and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Obviously his first reaction was to refuse to accept it and storm off Koushiro's office. None of the other three young men tried to stop him; they knew he needed some time alone to absorb everything and come to terms with the situation. Before he knew it, he found himself standing outside a music instrument store. His mind immediately brought an event from two years ago, when he had given his harmonica to Takeru and asked him to give it away to someone who would actually make a better usage of it.
Yamato wasn't sure how much time he spent on the sidewalk debating with himself whether he should walk into the store or not. With a light shake of his head, he finally crossed through the door and went to look for a similar harmonica than his old one. Luckily, he managed to find one that was identical to the one he used to own when he was a child and teenager.
He turned on the lights from his apartment and closed the door behind him, making his way to his bed. The apartment was very small, only two rooms: the kitchen and the living room, which he used as a bedroom. So he didn't get many guests there. But he specifically wished he wasn't alone that night. He went through his contact list and was very close to calling Sora, but figured she would be busy with flower arranging and didn't want to be disturbed. Then he thought he could Taichi. After all, if there was anyone who could understand what he was feeling would be him. And once again, he decided against it. He sighed deeply, and stood up.
The weather outside was quite cool, almost a little cold. But Yamato didn't seem to mind. He looked at the harmonica in his hands for a moment before bringing it up towards his mouth. It had been years since he hadn't played that melody, but he still remembered it quite well. Something told him he would be playing it again very very soon, though he wished with everything he had that time would never come.
