List of prompts:
Prompt by skarlettskwrl: People around Amity park begin to notice blobs constantly trailing behind Danny Fenton. (PR369)
Prompt by datawyrms: Someone gets a new perspective with blob ghosts (PR387)
Prompt by fruity-hub-blog: Ghost blobs can be used as emotional support ghosts! Danny, Vlad, or Dani gets one! (PR097)
Prompt by grimgrinningghoul: Sam's parents won't let her get a cat, but they never said anything about a ghost. So when Sam comes home with a round blob purring within the confines of her backpack, the Mansons find themselves at a stalemate. (PR292)
Prompt by Gilbirda: Vlad Masters was many things - filthy wealthy, handsome and a genius, among others. What he was not (HE WAS NOT), was a father figure. He took care of the blob ghost because he could use it for spying, of course. Yeah. (PR283)
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1: And Thus, It Begins
*Wholesome*
Most people thought it was a trick of the light at first, in the same way that Danny Fenton's eyes sometimes looked green. Worth a momentary double-take, a second look, to confirm the lie, nothing more.
These people were the same ones who forgot ghosts could turn invisible.
But as sightings continued and grew more frequent, less hidden, it couldn't be brushed away anymore. Danny Fenton, son of ghost hunters so rabid they were constantly ten minutes from having animal control on them whenever they showed their faces in public, was haunted. He was haunted, and not by any of the regular, over-the-top violent ghosts, not by any of the ghosts people tried not to think of as children, but by tiny, little, soft-bodied, almost-cute blobs.
No one knew what to make of this. Danny didn't seem to care, nor did any of his friends, and his parents, quite clearly, didn't know.
As no one wanted to be accused of being a ghost, the closest anyone got to telling the Fentons was shooting incredulous looks in their direction.
It was nerve wracking to interact with Danny and know that, at any given second, a ghost could attack. People avoided him. They watched him, warily, out of the corners of their eyes. A hyperawareness combined with a silence no one was willing to break.
Gradually, people came to the conclusion that Danny Fenton was not as carefree and lackadaisical as he might first seem. His shoulders were often bowed. Some days, he walked with a limp. He always seemed to be on the verge of falling to sleep.
What were those ghosts doing to him?
Were they attacking him, when no one could see? Did they feed on him? Whisper horrible things in his ears? Slink through his nightmares? Play poltergeist with his belongings?
They began to hang delicate strings between data points. Danny tripping on nothing. All that broken glassware. The pants. His lack of sleep schedule. The way he always seemed to know when a ghost was about to show up. His excuses about his homework. Had ghosts really stolen it from him?
People watched him more carefully. They couldn't do anything about ghosts, but at some point, they'd have to say something. Someone would have to say something. If it got any worse…
They'd do something. But they had to be watching to see it. Watching, especially, when the ghosts didn't think they were watching.
And so, far more eyes were on Danny Fenton than there might otherwise have been when he fell asleep in the park one day in early summer. Far, far more eyes. Human, curious, fretful, guilty.
They watched.
At first, it seemed like an illusion. A slightly greener patch on Danny's lap caused by the play of light and leaf. But that shade of green grew thicker, gained shape, outline, dimension, resolving itself into a slightly larger blob. A ghost, in as near to flesh as they ever got. Then that one became two, then three, then more, arranged across Danny's lap and shoulders like kittens.
They had proof. Anyone could take a picture of it. Danny Fenton was indisputably haunted.
Then Danny stirred, just a little, his hand coming up and drifting over the ghost's head. Once, twice, again. He was, they realized, with surprise, petting the little ghost, and smiling as he did it.
Did he not realize what they were? Was he lost in a dream?
They realized, though, as they watched, that he did know. He knew, and he was still doing it. Still doing it, and smiling. Like he liked it and was happy about it.
So, they watched, watched on as Danny Fenton cuddled with the ghosts who haunted him.
It was baffling. Unless, perhaps, these ghosts weren't the ones tormenting him.
2: Locust
"Cursed"
Danny pulled a blob ghost off his elbow and flicked it away.
"You aren't going to thermos that?" asked Sam.
"It's full," said Danny.
There had been so many blob ghosts lately. Just an unreal number. They weren't dangerous, as far as Danny could tell, not doing anything bad, just hoovering up ectoplasm like the greedy little monsters they were. The problem was what humans would do to the blobs, and how humans tended to react to any ghosts.
The blob ghosts' appearance precipitated mass panic, and, of course Danny's parents were going crazy trying to 'fix' the problem in a ludicrously violent way. This left Danny, Sam, and Tucker to try and actually fix things. But Danny didn't have a good way to fix this, except to send them back to the Ghost Zone, bit by bit. Something that was harder than it should be, because the blobs did pull ectoplasm from their surroundings. Which included Danny.
Danny needed ectoplasm. So that was a problem. Gosh, he was exhausted.
Danny blinked and pulled another blob ghost off his elbow. Their little mouths gumming at his skin felt ticklish. Not entirely unpleasant, but foreign.
There were little blobs gathering around his boots, too, nibbling. It was a good thing they didn't have real teeth, or they'd probably chew through. They'd probably eat his whole jumpsuit.
They'd probably eat him, for that matter.
"You're lucky you're cute," said Danny, glaring at the blob.
"What's that?" asked Sam. She and Tucker were tired of the constant battle to get rid of the blob ghosts, too.
"They're lucky they're cute."
"Yeah, I guess they are," said Tucker, examining them.
There was the squeal of tires- familiar tires. Danny hastily transformed.
"Hey, kids!" said Maddie, waving cheerfully at them from the GAV, which sported a brand new and rather terrifying looking gun. "We're going to take care of this plague of ghosts now!"
The gun began to glow, and before Danny, Sam, or Tucker could react, discharged into the quiescent crowd of blob ghosts.
.
Most people know what a cricket is. It's a small, harmless insect. It has an impressive jump, and it chirps. The chirping of crickets can even be useful. Count the number of cricket chirps you hear in fifteen seconds, then add thirty-seven. It'll give you the approximate temperature in fahrenheit.
Similarly, people know what a grasshopper is. A slightly larger insect, a relative. It sports wings and can fly short distances. A person might find their sudden takeoffs to be alarming, but they aren't poisonous, they don't hurt anyone, don't come in particularly large numbers. They just run. Harmless.
But another name for a grasshopper is locust. As in, the ones that plagued humanity from biblical times forward- and probably further back than that as well.
They are the same species, any differences in appearance and behavior the result of environmental factors - food, water, crowding. But the differences are legion, and the locusts become legion with them, swarming and devastating fields and livelihoods and lives.
The blob ghosts plaguing Amity Park were, at the moment, no plague at all. But they weren't crickets. They were grasshoppers.
And there was about to be a large change to their environment.
.
The blast hit the thickest part of the blob ghost horde dead-center. Jack and Maddie cheered.
Danny, on the other hand, had a bad feeling. One that only increased as all the blob ghosts in the area seemed to converge at the point of impact, smoothing out, and…
"Dude," said Tucker. "I think your parents just made a giant blob ghost."
"How does stuff like this keep happening?" asked Danny, holding off tears of exhaustion as the blob ghost grew larger. He kept a curse behind his lips. He was a superhero. He was supposed to be a good role model. "How do they keep doing stuff like this?"
Sam looked down at her wrist ray, then back up. "I don't think this will work on that," she said, as the giant blob began to move, absorbing ever more small blobs.
"Right," said Danny. "Let's go… throw ourselves down an alley or something." He gave his parents one last look as they scrambled to throw every other weapon in their arsenal at the now enormous ghost.
The thing wailed pitifully, but didn't seem to take any damage. Actually, it seemed… hungry?
"Danny, what are you doing? Come on!"
Danny realized he'd stopped, then turned and ran after his friends.
.
Grasshoppers, when they become locusts, are motivated by two things: eating whatever meal happens to fall in front of them, and not being eaten by the locusts behind them.
The blob ghosts - or, rather, ghost - did not need to worry about being eaten. But they were very hungry, and for one thing only. Ectoplasm.
.
Danny transformed, flew up above the roofs of the surrounding buildings, and was faced with the giant blob barrelling straight for him. It was deceptively fast. Danny, being more maneuverable, still dodged easily.
His return fire did little, but then he hadn't expected it to, after seeing how little effect his parents' weapons had. His goal was to draw the blob back to Fentonworks and… somehow get it through the portal. It was a split second plan. Could have used some workshopping, honestly, but there was no time.
Luckily, for a value of luck not shared by the general population, Danny didn't have any trouble getting it to chase him. In fact, it seemed to be able to detect him even when he briefly went invisible to try to gain some distance.
Fun.
He got into sight of Fentonworks, took a sharp turn, and–
–Was tackled by a swarm of normally-sized blobs who were, presumably, coming to merge with the giant one. He did not have time to correct or reorient himself before the large blob caught up to him.
He hit something that had the rough consistency of a jelly-filled water balloon - except that the 'balloon' part of it vanished after less than a second of contact, and Danny felt himself floating through ectoplasm, inside the blob.
The blob glowed bright enough that after a few feet, Danny could no longer see past its transparent skin. Further, its control over its ectoplasm was coherent enough that Danny could feel it nibbling on him, like the smaller ghosts had done before. Pushing and pulling him deeper, momentary rippling increases in pressure, probing, slightly more solid nubs of ectoplasm exploring his skin.
Danny was not a fan, but he'd been exhausted before being eaten and if the little blobs had managed to drain him through contact, this one did that a hundred or a thousand times over.
To his horror, he felt his ghost flicker and withdraw from his skin, leaving him powerless, defenseless, and once again in possession of human needs and reflexes. Like breathing.
Ectoplasm might not be toxic to Danny, but in human form he needed oxygen, which wasn't exactly available inside a giant blob ghost.
Like most people did when drowning, Danny panicked.
He breathed.
.
Locust swarms fall apart when the locusts they consist of die - assuming new locusts do not join the swarm. Giant blobs, not having that option, fall apart when the blobs they consist of are satiated.
.
The next thing Danny knew, he was coughing up ectoplasm. He weakly pushed himself onto his hands and knees, the stones underneath him harsh against his skin. He felt… empty. Used. Diminished. His core was still there, still a touch of icy cold in his chest, but it felt farther away than it ever had.
He spit up one last mouthful of ectoplasm and looked up. He could see scattered blob ghosts flying away from his location, into the green.
He was in the Ghost Zone.
Because there was no one around to hear him, Danny swore.
3: Support
"Wholesome"
"I'm," said Danny, looking down at the rather gooey ghost in his hands. It settled into them, something that might have been a smile on its suggestion of a face. "I'm sorry. What?"
"You," said the Observant, " are an emotional mess."
"I'm a teenager," said Danny. "A dead teenager."
The Observant waved its clawed hand, dismissing Danny's… point? Excuse? Rebuttal? Statement of facts? He didn't know what the Observant wanted from him here.
"A dead teenager who gets attacked and beaten up on a regular basis," pressed Danny.
"Don't be so dramatic," said the Observant. "This is your problem."
"Being attacked?"
"Being dramatic. Hence," the Observant gestured at the blob, "the bonding of a–" the Observant uttered a series of sounds that would have a higher chance of being produced by a dial-up router than a human throat "-to you."
Danny opened his mouth, then closed it. "You're saying that your solution to me being 'emotionally unstable,' or whatever, is to give me an emotional support animal."
The Observant sighed. "If you must put it that way, yes."
"Why do you even care?"
"Your emotional problems make it very difficult for anyone else to be around you. You're creating a toxic environment."
"Me?"
"You and the other halfas." The Observant sniffed. "You could say thank you."
"My dude, if you wanted to help, could you at least stop the evil anti-therapist from coming to harass me? That would work way better than…" He looked down at the blob. "Whatever this is."
The Observant regarded him disdainfully. "I honestly don't know what Clockwork sees in you."
Then they vanished, leaving Danny holding a ghost (pet?) in the middle of his room in the middle of his very ghost-unfriendly house.
"I really hate those guys," said Danny.
The blob burbled.
.
Dani knew better than to take things from strangers. This is why the blob ghost was looking up at her from the floor of the abandoned hotel room she was currently squatting in.
"I get the feeling," she said, "that this is weird even for my life." She bent down and picked up the blob by the tail. It wrapped around her wrist like an extremely fat, squishy snake. "What even is emotional instability? How are you supposed to help with that?" She tilted her head. "Is that why I melt and stuff? Emotional instability? I mean, it seems sorta like destabilizing."
The blob beeped at her.
"You sound like a cat," observed Dani, sagely. "Are you the ghost of a cat? I haven't seen many animal ghosts except for the ones Vlad made." She shuddered. "You could be a cat."
The blob ghost made another beeping noise.
"But that wouldn't make sense, would it? How could a cat make me less unstable?" She considered the ghost. "Then again, I'm not sure how you are supposed to make me less unstable, either. Am I supposed to eat you or something?"
This question made the blob shake their head rapidly.
"Huh. Okay. Maybe I'm supposed to wear you on my head?"
.
"If you leave that here, I'll destroy it," said Vlad, coldly.
Observants had no noses, but the sound this one made was near to a snort. "Yes," it said, nasally, "good luck with that." It flew backwards through the portal, leaving the blob on the counter next to Vlad.
Vlad's lip curled in disgust as the thing looked up at him wetly. First Daniel, now these Observants… He did not need a pet.
… He did enjoy the company of Maddie and Madcat, but he hardly needed them. Much less this weak little ghost. Having it around would be a distraction and a risk.
"Emotionally disturbed," he scoffed. He picked up the blob with his telekinesis and threw it through the portal. Then he shut the doors on his portal.
Good riddance.
.
"So," said Tucker, "what does it do?"
"Not much of anything, yet," said Danny, putting it down on Tucker's bedspread. "It sort of purrs when I pet it? I guess that's calming?"
"Calming enough to get rid of the stress of hiding it from your parents?" asked Tucker, poking the blob with a pencil, which it sucked in and started to dissolve. "Okay, that's freaky."
"No, not really. That's why I need you to look after it."
Tucker started poking the blob ghost with a pen, but Sam snatched it from him with a glare.
"I don't want to advocate pet abandonment," said Sam, "but why can't you just put it back in the Ghost Zone like any other ghost?"
"When I was talking to the Observant they said something about bonding it to me," said Danny. "Messing with bonds is usually bad."
"Bonds?" asked Sam.
"It's a ghost thing," said Danny. "Frostbite mentioned them, I think. I want to go talk to him, but I can't until the weekend. So, please, one of you guys has to look after it. Him? Her? Which one are you, anyway?"
The blob made a sort of gurgle.
"Well," said Sam, "that's definitive. I can take care of her today and tomorrow, but after that my parents are going to be up in my business because of the party on Sunday."
"I'll take Friday, then," said Tucker.
"You guys are lifesavers," said Danny.
"Yeah, yeah," said Sam, brushing it off. "So, what does it eat, other than Tucker's pencils? Hygiene needs?"
"I've had it for maybe two hours," said Danny. "I have no idea."
.
"No," said Dani, glaring at the puddle that had been her feet, "wearing you on my head doesn't seem to help." The blob ghost slipped off and started nudging the pool. This had no discernible effect. "Right," said Dani. "You're not trying to eat that, are you? That's me, little guy."
It made a mreep sound at her, and she picked it up with a sigh.
"Not food. Me," she said.
Mre, said the blob ghost.
Grugrugle, said her stomach. "Man, I wish I had food." She leaned back on the bed. "Maybe I'm supposed to put you under my shirt?"
.
Vlad threw the blob ghost out for the fifth time in as many hours. The damnable thing kept coming back. It had also eaten a good deal of Maddie and Madcat's food.
It must be able to phase through the portal shield, or at least burrow through dimensions, like that dog that sometimes followed Daniel around.
Wait.
Even Vlad couldn't do that. Did the little thing have an ability that was, Vlad hesitated to say, useful? With that kind of power and pathetic appearance it would be an interesting spy.
.
Danny woke to the feeling of something lying on his chest.
"Huh?" he said, bleary and not willing to wake for anything but his ghost sense.
The blob ghost whined at him.
"Huh," said Danny. It hadn't set off his ghost sense. He was a bit too asleep to really process that. Instead, he pulled the ghost under the covers. She was soft enough to cuddle with.
.
When Dani woke up, the bare mattress of the hotel bed was covered in blocks of cheese. She blinked at them, blearily.
"Huh," she said. She looked at the blob ghost, who was sticking his head out of her shirt. "Neat trick. I think we're gonna get along just fine." She picked up one of the cheeses. "I'll have to teach you about variety, though."
.
"Now," said Vlad, holding up a photograph in front of the blob ghost, "this is Daniel…"
.
"So, what did Frostbite say?" asked Sam, pulling bobby-pins out of her hair.
Danny was, technically, not supposed to be here. Sam's parents certainly didn't know, but he wanted to check in with Sam and Tucker in-person after returning to the real world.
"He said that they really did bond her to me, and also that it was pretty rude of them to do that without my permission. Also that blob ghosts are filter feeders that can eat emotional energy and radiate as neutral ectoplasmic energy." He flipped over onto his back, still floating. "So, the Observants' intent with all of this is probably just that other people don't have to detect me suffering."
"That is a big mental health issue," said Sam, removing an earring. "Unless you have it, it's out of sight, out of mind."
"What, do you have a mental illness I don't know about?"
"I sincerely hope you know about my mental illnesses. We've been friends for years, Danny."
Danny narrowed his eyes. "I thought you were just weird on purpose."
They kept their faces straight for about a minute, then started sniggering.
"Okay, but do you? Have any, I mean?"
"I don't know," said Sam, shrugging. "With all the crazy stuff that happens to us, probably. What are you going to do with Blobby, here?"
"I don't know," said Danny. "I can't keep her away, so…" He shrugged. "I'm going to have to train her to hide from Mom and Dad, though."
"She's been doing an okay job of that, hasn't she?"
"Mhm. I've got to name her, too, I guess. How about… Boo-bra? Like Barbra?"
"That sounds like Boob Bra."
"That's a no, then."
.
"You," declared Dani, reveling in her newfound food security, "are the best cheese thief in…" She paused, not completely sure what country she was in at the moment. "This dimension," she finished. "I'm going to call Gouda! Because you're a Gouda boy!"
"Meow," said Gouda.
"You really sound like a cat."
.
"No!" shouted Vlad. "Not the picture! I want you to find the boy!"
First, Vlad had discovered that the little pest had been phasing food out of the tins for Maddie and Madcat, ruining the careful food plan he had them on, then he'd come across them savaging his rare ectoplasm samples, and now when he finally thought he'd made progress with training, it had failed to bring back any intelligence and had instead retrieved a family photo that included Daniel.
Vlad was at his wit's end.
He threw the blob back through the portal.
It reappeared with a pop.
.
Danny sat at his desk, doing his homework, the blob hidden underneath it on his lap. The Observants had ulterior motives to 'helping' him, but this was actually pretty nice.
"I think," said Danny, "that I will name you Gumdrop."
Dot purred.
4: Anglerfish
"Cursed"
"Hey, Frostbite," said Danny, as the conversation fell into a lull, "do you know why blob ghosts keep following me around, lately?"
Frostbite fixed Danny with a look of poorly concealed horror. "Following you around, you say, Great One?"
Danny shrugged. "It seems like it. They're everywhere, lately, it seems." He paused. "Is that bad?"
"Not at all, Great One! Tell me, have you been following any of them?"
"I mean, sometimes. I have to catch them to make sure Mom and Dad don't."
"And… they run from you?"
"Mostly? Not very hard, I guess."
"Are you ever in dark places with them? Do you ever lose track of ones that follow you and are unable to find them again?"
"It's dark a lot of the time I'm out, so… yes? Frostbite, are you okay? You look like you're going to be sick."
"Great One, this is very important," said Frostbite, leaning forward and down to bracket Danny with his hands. "How do these 'blob ghosts' act around you? Do they seem to want you to follow them?"
"I… don't know? They're friendly?"
Frostbite, if possible, looked even more distressed at this. "We must go to the infirmary at once," he said, picking Danny up and flying with him.
One of Danny's reasons for coming today was to get his regular medical checkup. But the way Frostbite was rushing him after what had been a mostly relaxed conversation about ghost buffalo migration and ectoplasmic flow across natural portals in Amity was a bit excessive.
Unless something was really wrong with him. Did blob ghosts only get friendly when they were diseased or something? He knew animals that were rabid were sometimes like that.
"Frostbite," said Danny, as Frostbite set him down on an examination table, "were the blob ghosts diseased or something?"
"Ah," said Frostbite, with an unconvincing grin, "that is certainly something we will have to check for." He hurried off to find the doctor.
So, Frostbite hadn't been worried about that before Danny mentioned it. At least, he hadn't been worried mainly about that. What else was there? Were they servants of someone bad? Were they secretly super poisonous?
Frostbite came back with a dozen doctors. Oh, no, this was bad. This was going to be bad.
"Am I dying?" asked Danny. Or, worse, "Am I fading?"
"No, no," said Frostbite, quickly. "You are- No, Great One."
"Great One," said one of the doctors, "I hear that there are blob ghosts trying to lure you away into dark places."
Danny, already anxious, processed that statement. Blob ghosts. Little shiny things. Lure. Dark places.
He paled. "Are blob ghosts like… anglerfish?" Were those cute little things connected to something bigger and nastier? Something that wanted to eat him?
Somehow, Frostbite and all of the doctors looked relieved. "Yes, Great One, that is a very apt analogy. Yes. Blob ghosts are like anglerfish."
"And that is why we must be very careful and give you a thorough examination," said the doctor, gravely. "An, ahem, encounter with one at your level of development could be extremely deleterious to your health."
Danny appreciated the way they were trying to shield him, soften the bad news, but Danny thought being eaten would be a lot worse than just deleterious. He would have thought anything something like that would do to him would have been immediately obvious, too, but maybe they fed like Spectra, slowly draining their victims after a connection was made.
He shuddered.
Frostbite patted his shoulder. "I know it is quite disturbing to the once-living when they learn of this… situation, but it is a natural thing. Simply the way of our world."
"Blob ghosts being like anglerfish," clarified Danny.
"Yes," said Frostbite, nodding as the doctors began to set up around Danny.
"And, uh, what happens during an encounter." He put the same emphasis on it that the doctor did. "That's natural, too?"
"Indeed," said Frostbite. "Although, like we said, not very healthy for someone at your level of development and maturity."
That sounded like they didn't think Danny could fight one of these things off, whatever they were. "So, who can, um, handle it?" asked Danny. He lifted an arm so that one of the doctors could listen to his chest.
Frostbite coughed into his fist. "Ahem," he said, unnecessarily. "I could. Many of my people could. Pandora could. Pariah Dark was known for… ahem. Many encounters. As it were."
"How about Clockwork?"
"How large is Clockwork?" asked Frostbite. He sounded tired.
"I don't know. Somewhere between six and seven feet, if he had legs?"
"Hm. No. That isn't large enough."
"So, it's a size thing?"
Frostbite looked like he wanted to phase out of existence. "To some extent, yes."
"Okay," said Danny. "But what if I do run into this… problem?" He wasn't sure how else to phrase it. No one had really given the thing using the blob ghosts as a lure a name. It almost sounded like it was taboo. Frostbite looked half-melted of stress just talking about it.
"What do you mean?" asked Frostbite.
"Like… What do I do? I know it'd be bad for me, but if I had to deal with it, what should I do?"
Frostbite looked wildly at the doctors, each of whom shook their heads vigorously.
"It is- That's- You should certainly avoid such a situation, Great One."
"But if it isn't avoidable?"
"Come here so we can take care of you," said Frostbite, "as I said, it would most likely be damaging to your health and wellbeing."
"But while it's happening, what should I do?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" repeated Danny, surprised and a bit indignant. "Frostbite, I'm not a child."
"With all due respect, Great One, in this matter, you very much are. I'm sure any of your offspring would be just fine, but–"
"Offspring?"
They stared at each other.
"Great One," said Frostbite, cautiously. "When you say 'like anglerfish,' what do you mean?"
"That it's something that lives in the dark and lures you in and eats you," said Danny, because what else could it mean?
"Oh, Great One," said one of the doctors, "no."
"You will explain, then?" said Frostbite, hopefully, turning to them.
"No," said the doctor, quickly. "I'm busy."
Frostbite slumped again.
"Is it worse?" asked Danny.
"No. It is only… I thought you were comparing the nature of blob ghosts to the reproductive habits of male anglerfish."
"I don't know anything about that," said Danny, already hating where this was going.
"Yes, well… They are a striking example of reproductive dimorphism in a living species," said Frostbite. "You see, in some species, the females are extremely large compared to the males, to the point where the males were originally thought to be parasites, because, ah… The small males would fuse to the females, to be used at a later time."
"And… blob ghosts are like that?"
"Ghosts are like that."
"No," said Danny.
"It's rather more complex with ghosts," said Frostbite, "but, yes, Great One."
"And you're worried that some blobs have… fused with me."
"Yes," started Frostbite.
"No," said the first doctor. "You don't have any blobs fused in you that we can detect. You should be careful about touching them, however. Usually, only large, mature ghosts with the resources to safely reproduce attract the blobs, but there are exceptions, and your unique status may change how you're perceived."
"Yes," said another, "you are of a class that is normally considered nonreproductive, Great One. You are too small."
Frostbite fixed them with a long-suffering look. Danny wanted to sink through the floor, but he couldn't do that in the Ghost Zone without turning human and it was cold here.
"I didn't want to know this," said Danny.
"Unfortunately," said Frostbite, "you need to."
.
"Here on Ghostwatch we enter week two of Phantom fleeing blob ghosts while screaming about teen pregnancy. For more on this story, please visit our website at–"
5: Hypoallergenic
"Wholesome"
"It can't be anything that sheds or scratches," said Pamela.
"Or barks," added Jeremy.
"No reptiles."
"Nothing that shrieks, either. Nothing loud."
"Or fish. They smell." Pamela wrinkled her nose. "I don't want anything that smells in the house."
"It has to be well-behaved."
"And nothing too big! You have to be able to pick it up easily. None of those giant dogs or pigs! We don't want a dangerous animal in the house."
"No livestock, for that matter."
Sam looked back and forth between her parents, then put her hands on the table, leaning forward. "That rules out almost everything!" The only things she could think of were hairless rats and other rodents, and she couldn't imagine them being okay with that.
"Oh," said Pamela, "no rodents, either. Rats and mice are not pets."
Frogs might work, and there might be exotic animals that fit the requirements, but it would be a cold day in hell before Sam Manson compromised her morals just because she wanted a pet. There was nothing out there that fit her parents' requirements and they knew it. They just wanted an excuse.
"Did you mean it at all when you said I could have a pet if I played your stupid game?"
"Your grades are hardly a game, Samantha," said Jeremy.
Sam wanted to scream. She didn't.
If it had just been her grades, she wouldn't have cared nearly as much. It wasn't. It was parties and galas and wearing those stupid, ugly dresses and not was putting up with her parents' every stupid whim for the past three months. It was playing along.
Was it too much to ask for a cat?
She pushed back from the table, ignoring the way her chair clattered to the ground, and stormed up the stairs to her room. She threw herself on the bed and screamed into her mattress. Anger and resentment swirled inside her, along with a need for petty revenge.
Luckily, no one did petty revenge like the besties. She pulled out her phone and hit the third speed-dial button without looking at it. It rang.
There was a click. "Hey, Sam, did you already pick out your pet?"
"No," snarled Sam.
"Oh," said Tucker after a beat of silence. "That doesn't sound good."
There was another click as Danny came on the other line. "Hey guys," he said. Behind his voice was a quiet pew pew pew and a subtle whistle of wind.
"Dude," said Tucker, "are you fighting right now? Did you take a call in the middle of a ghost fight?"
"It's no big deal," said Danny. There was, in the background, the sharp zing! of a charged ectoblast. "So, what's up, Sam? How's pet shopping going?"
"It isn't," she said. "They've put all of these stupid conditions on what I can get out of nowhere, and there's nothing that fits those conditions. Nothing."
"What, did they ban all mammals, reptiles, birds, and insects?" asked Tucker.
"Huh," said Sam. "They didn't actually say anything about insects." Or arachnids, for that matter. Sam could get a tarantula, probably. They didn't shed, right? On the other hand… "I want something I can cuddle, though."
"You could say you wanted some horrible insect," said Tucker, "or a spider or something, and then when they object, you can say, 'or a cat' and then they'll cave."
"But what if they don't cave?"
"Then you've got a spider? You like spiders."
"But no cuddles."
"Hm," said Danny.
"What?"
"I might have a thought. But do you remember their exact requirements? Maybe even get them to write them down so you can throw them back at them later?"
"I can try," said Sam. "I did just storm out on them." She recounted what she remembered of her parents' ridiculous requirements.
"Okay," said Danny, "right. I think this might work, then. I'll pick you up when I'm done with this. See if you can get that list in the meantime."
"Sure," said Sam. "But just to be sure, this is a good idea, right? This isn't something that we'll all wind up regretting?" Danny was, after all, the king of terrible ideas. See: Halloween, pranking Vlad, answering his cell phone in the middle of a ghost fight.
"I mean, probably," said Danny. "But it'll freak your parents out, and what's more important here?"
"You're right. See you in a bit."
"Hold on," said Tucker. "Don't I get to find out what this idea is? Don't leave me–"
Sam snapped the phone closed.
.
"You did tell Tucker what you were doing, after, right?"
"Oh, yeah," said Danny.
"Good, I felt sort of bad for hanging up on him."
"He understands your need to be rude and dramatic, but he's also going to be ten times more affectionate with his electronics than usual next week. For retaliation."
"That's fair," said Sam.
Danny landed in the alley behind his house, set Sam down, and transformed.
"Ready to see how this goes?"
"Yep," said Sam.
They walked around to the front steps and went in. "Hey, Mom? Dad?" called Danny. "Sam's over. We have a question!"
Jack skidded into the room. "Is it about romance?" he asked waggling his eyebrows.
"Jack," said Maddie, entering at a more sedate pace. "That is not how you ask kids if they're dating. Are you dating?"
"Oh, no," said Sam as Danny hid. "It's about, um, Danny can say it better."
"Right," said Danny. He cleared his throat. "How dangerous would you say blob ghosts are?"
"Oh, they're harmless," said Maddie. "They're slow, stupid, and have no offensive abilities. Anyone can take care of one of them!"
"Great," said Danny. "We're going to be up in my room."
"Alright, kids!" called Jack. "Remember, be safe!"
"They're so gross," said Danny. "Anyway, get that written down. Experts say they're harmless."
"Blob ghosts."
"Yeah. They don't shed, they aren't reptiles, can't scratch or bite, and they're pretty much silent. Also, they cuddle."
"And my parents will blow a fuse," said Sam.
"Yep," said Danny. "Plus, they'll never be able to make you get rid of it, because they aren't about to call Mom and Dad to catch it. Perfect pet."
"What about food? They eat ectoplasm, don't they?"
"Yeah, which I can get. I figure, you hide it from them the first week or so, then act surprised when they don't know about it. Do you think you can get your grandma in on it?"
Bad idea or not, Danny did have the best petty revenge.
"Yeah," said Sam, "that'll be easy. What about the blob ghost? Where can we get one?"
"Ah, you see, I have a selection." He held up his spare thermos. "I picked up a bunch of them the other night and haven't had a chance to send them back through yet. I figure you can find one you get along with."
"Have I ever told you that you're a great friend?"
"You could stand to say it a little more."
.
"What is that on your head?" shrieked Pamela Manson a week later.
Sam gasped, feigning surprise. "Mom, you know this is Sylvia! You know, my pet? That you said I could have?"
"I said no such thing!"
On top of her head, the blob ghost blurbled happily as it fed on the tension in the air.
This was so going to be worth getting grounded.
6: Hunger
"Cursed"
"What do you mean, 'they want to be eaten?'" asked Danny, floating along next to Clockwork as the older ghost gave him a characteristically rambling lesson. "Is that, like, a metaphor?"
"No," said Clockwork. "I'm afraid not."
"How could anything want to be eaten?"
"As you may have noticed, the rules that govern the Ghost Zone are not the same as those that govern the Earth. Most ghosts have no drive to reproduce. Blob ghosts are formed from environmental ectoplasm. The only desire they have is to be part of something greater."
"Okay," said Danny, "I guess I can see that. I'm not eating any, though. I've been getting along just fine so far."
Clockwork sighed. "Have you ever heard of Spiders Georg?"
"Spiders who now? Is that a ghost I should know about?"
"I see, that meme must be in your future, in that case."
"Meme?"
"Don't worry about it." Clockwork waved a hand and a nearby time screen turned on. It showed Danny, sleeping.
"Why are you showing me this, and when was it?" asked Danny.
"You will see," said Clockwork, "and last night."
Nothing had happened last night, as far as Danny knew. "Does this have to do with Spiders Georg?"
"Not particularly. Watch."
So, Danny watched, and saw a small blob ghost land on his pillow. The trace of mist that uncoiled from his nose was too small to wake him. The blob ghost inched closer to Danny's mouth.
"I don't like where this is going."
"I know, Daniel."
The blob got closer, and closer, close enough to touch Danny's slightly-open lips. By this time, Danny was watching with his face mostly hidden by his hands.
"Oh, no," he said.
The blob ghost very gently pushed past Danny's lips and disappeared into his mouth.
"Oh, no," repeated Danny.
A faint glowing patch moved down his throat.
"I think I'm going to be sick," said Danny. Clockwork offered up a garbage bin. "As I was saying, blob ghosts want to be eaten…"
