Chapter 2
Jack made it home just before dawn. Spending the night with Lisa in his arms was the most amazing feeling, but they had a long road ahead of them. Somehow he had to stay strong for her, but he was scared, terrified actually. After losing Lyndy he never planned to love again. But then Lisa came into his life, he couldn't believe that she was interested in an old cowboy like him. She changed his world for the better, she showed him how to love again.
Jack didn't hear Amy come into the barn, he had been sitting there for hours, crying, swearing, yelling anything to expel the anger and fear he had inside of him. He needed to be strong for Lisa. He wasn't sure how to do that, the only thing he knew was that he would be there for her. They would get through this together, he couldn't promise he would always be strong.
"Grandpa, what's wrong?"
"I love her Amy, a lot, I can't lose her."
"Maybe you should go to France, maybe she misses you too."
"She's not in France, she's at Fairfield."
Jack realized he still had to tell the girls. He hadn't come to terms with it yet. How does he explain that his second wife has cancer. When his first wife died of cancer.
"Is Lou still here?"
"Yeah, she's in the house, why, what's going on? What do you mean she's at Fairfield?"
"Get Lou, I'll be in in a minute. I just need a minute."
Jack got a cup of coffee and sat at the table. Lou and Amy across from him. They knew whatever he was going to tell them was bad. Amy only remembered Jack crying when her mom died and Ty died. She didn't remember when grandma Lyndy died.
Jack started by telling them that he ran into Harry at Maggie's. Harry didn't like what Lisa was doing, so he told Jack that Lisa was at Fairfield. He said he would leave the door open so Jack could go in and see Lisa. He broke down remembering what he saw that day and took a minute to regain his composure.
"She never went to France, she wanted to but her doctor wouldn't let her. She's sick, she's been sick this whole time. She didn't want to die like Lyndy did and have me go through that pain all over again, so she filed for divorce, to protect me."
Lou put her hand on Jacks, "what do you mean die grandpa, what's wrong with Lisa?"
"She has cancer."
"Is she going to die grandpa?" Amy was trying to hold back tears
"I don't know." It was way too soon to know if the surgery and chemo were working.
Amy and Lou hugged Jack, they were trying to process everything.
"When can we see her, she's at Fairfield, right, so I can go over today. Oh my god grandpa, I said some horrible things to her. I had no idea, I thought she was leaving." Lou started to cry. "I have to tell her I'm sorry."
"I'm not sure she's ready for visitors yet, Lou."
"What do you mean, not ready? We aren't visitors, we are her family and she needs her family."
"It's been rough on her, she started chemo shortly after she had surgery, it's taking its toll on her body. She has trouble getting around, she's lost so much weight, she's so frail. She gets physically sick from all the meds."
"And she has been going through all of this alone, with no one to care for her, to love her, to tell her it's going to be ok. She was so worried about hurting me, when she's been hurting all this time."
"Grandpa, we want to see her, we don't have to stay long. Just the two of us, we won't tell the girls. Grandpa if something happens and Lisa doesn't make it…"
"I'll ask her, I'm going to be spending nights with her, then I'll come back here during the day to take care of what needs to be done."
The three of them sat there, not really knowing what to say.
"I'm gonna go pack some of our stuff, Lisa didn't take much when she left."
Grandpa you said she's not eating, what if I make something special for her, like her favorite dinner or something, you can take it to her and you'll have something for yourself as well."
"That would be nice Lou, thank you."
"We can do this grandpa, together as a family. Lisa needs to know we, her family, are here for her."
After spending the day at home getting stuff done around the ranch and packing for his nights at Fairfield, Jack was happy to be back with Lisa. He didn't like being away in case she needed him. He reminded himself that she has done this alone for the last two months.
Lou had made a roast with some mashed potatoes and carrots and broccoli and packed it all up for Jack to bring to Lisa. He hoped she was up to eating some. He went up to her room, she was still sleeping. The last nurse of the day would be by in another hour or so. He wanted Lisa to try to eat something before the nurse came. He sat on the bed next to her, brushing some hair away from her face.
"Hey Lise." he leaned down to kiss her. She didn't wake as easily, probably from all the meds he assumed. Slowly she started to open her eyes.
"Jack"
"I'm here Lise."
"Are you really here? I had a dream that you were here with me."
"I'm here Lise, it's not a dream.
She sat up in bed and reached for his face. She ran her hand over his stubble. She looked deeply into his eyes.
"I am so sorry I hurt you, can you ever forgive me?"
"Lise, there's nothing to forgive, we are back together, it's over. We won't be apart again."
She looked up at him again.
"But what if I die?"
He was trying to be strong, but what she just asked broke his heart. What if she did die?
He wrapped his arms around her and rested his forehead on hers. This time he let her see him cry.
"Don't talk like that, Lise, you're fighting and I will fight with you. You will survive, it might be tough, but you are the most amazing woman I've ever met. You are strong, you can do this. You can't give up."
"As long as we are together, I have something to fight for."
She seemed more sleepy to him, more than the day before.
"Can you eat something? Lou made you a roast, with some mashed potatoes and broccoli and carrots."
"That was nice of her. I'll try. Did you tell them yet?"
"Yes, I told them this morning when I went home. They want to see you, Lise."
"Oh, I don't know Jack, I'm not ready, I have good days and bad. I never know what the day is going to be like. Most days I don't have the energy to get dressed, some days I can't even get up to go to the bathroom. It's not fair. My body is working against me." She started to cry.
Jack just held her. He could tell she didn't have a good day. She had seemed so much better the day before. He just told her he was there for her, that it would get better, and that she would get better.
He got two plates together and took them to her room. She took a couple bites. That was all she could manage before she started to feel sick. The nurse came, but since Jack was there, she didn't really have to do much. She said she would go, since Lisa had help. Jack walked the nurse out, he wanted to ask about Lisa being so tired. The nurse told him the "activities" from the previous day probably wore her out. It would be like that till the chemo was done, and she would most likely get worse before she got better. But that it was good for her to be "active" if she felt up to it. It would release endorphins and she could use all the happiness she could get.
Jack cleaned up the dishes from dinner. So far Lisa had kept down what she had eaten. He got a text from Lou, she wanted to bring over a smoothie for Lisa for breakfast. She was reading that sometimes the smoothies are easier to digest and cause less nausea and vomiting. Therefore Lisa could get more nourishment. Jack told her he would try it, but he wasn't promising Lisa would be up for visiting. Today wasn't a good day for her, hopefully tomorrow would be better.
Jack was tired, it had been a long and draining twenty four hours. He helped Lisa do what she needed to in the bathroom before settling her in bed. He went to get ready for bed himself. She was asleep before he came out. He pulled the covers back and slid in next to her. It wasn't long before she was curled up against him. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around her.
"Jack, thank you. I love you."
"I love you too Lise. Sweet dreams."
"Jack. Jack. Jack."
Jack woke to Lisa calling his name. It took a minute for him to realize where he was and what was going on.
"Yeah Lise, I'm here. You ok?"
"I'm so sorry, I need your help to the bathroom, I don't think I can make it on my own, and I really can't hold it any longer."
"It's ok Lise." He walked over to her side of the bed and helped her stand and steady herself before heading to the bathroom. He waited for her to finish before helping her back to bed.
"I'm sorry Jack. This whole thing is so humiliating."
He couldn't see her face, but he could tell she was crying.
"Lise, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm here, no matter what you need, no matter when you need it. I'm right here. You are my wife in good times and bad. You need help to the bathroom, I'll help you. You need to cry on my shoulder, I'll hold you. You need to hit something, I'll get a pillow. There is nothing you could do that would make me love you less."
He wiped her tears and wrapped her in his arms.
The "ping" of his phone woke him. It was morning. He and Lisa were still in the same position. He needed to get up, but didn't want to wake her. He carefully got out of bed, and she stayed asleep. He wanted a quick shower and to be dressed before the nurse came. He managed to finish dressing before Lou rang the bell. He knew she was coming by with the smoothie she mentioned for Lisa. Lisa was just starting to wake up. He walked over and gave her a quick kiss.
"Morning beautiful. I'll be right back, let me get the door."
"How is she grandpa?"
"She's ok. Adjusting, mostly to us living together again."
"Adjusting to what, you lived together for years."
"Yeah, but she needs help with things now, like going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. She felt terrible for waking me up and asking for help, to the point of tears. She's always been such a fiercely independent person, she has a hard time asking for help, even from me."
"Is she up, can I see her?"
"I just woke her, now probably is not a good time. The nurse will be here soon. I know you and Amy want to see her. Let me talk to her, see if we can't figure something out."
"Lou, thank you for this," Jack held up the smoothie.
"Take care of her grandpa."
