Chapter 4
It was a sound Jack loved to hear. Lisa's laughter throughout the house. Not too long ago he wondered if he'd ever hear it again. First because he thought she left him, then because he wasn't sure if she would survive the cancer. It had been too long since her voice could be heard throughout the house, but she's back. She continues to fight, and now she has even more people in her corner. The girls try to wait on her, she tries not to let them. Her strength slowly returning. Lyndy draws a new picture for her everyday trying to keep her spirits up. Jack has a new appreciation for waking up in his bed with his wife next to him, he's taking life a little slower, spending more time with Lisa. They wake up together every morning, well usually Jack wakes up then nudges Lisa to get up. Every morning he tells her how much he loves her in case she forgot from the day before. They have grown closer, their relationship stronger, they leave nothing unsaid between them. Jack truly loves Lisa with all of his heart and she loves him with all of hers.
The kitchen is always a busy place in the morning, this day was no exception. Lisa was thankful for the commotion. She really didn't want Jack to notice she wasn't eating. She tried pushing the food around her plate. It wasn't that she didn't want to eat, she just couldn't stomach it. It had been six months. She was ecstatic to be sitting in her favorite kitchen with everything going on, but today was a dreaded day. In just a short while Jack would be taking her for follow up scans. She wanted to know but at the same time she didn't want to know. Sometimes she felt it would be better to have just died in her sleep not having the knowledge that she was sick, but she didn't die, she found out and got the help she needed. She fought and survived. Would she be able to again, would her body be able to handle the chemo again. Jack kept a close eye on Lisa, he noticed the expression in her eyes. He knew Lisa, almost as well as she knew herself. She was trying to be happy and fun and to anyone on the street it would have worked. But Jack knew differently. Once Katie and Lyndy left for school and Lou went to the office it was just the two of them. He walked up behind her, and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"We won't know anything today, it's just the scans. I'll be with you the entire time."
She reached up for his hand, trembling. She was such a strong person, Jack didn't like seeing his wife so scared. He wished he could take it all away, all the pain, fear and doubt.
He pulled her up into a hug and just held her.
"I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, just remember I'm here."
She looked up at him, her blue eyes filled with tears. "I know. Thank you. I love you so much."
He held her face in his hands and tenderly kissed her. "Now go get ready, while I clean up."
She didn't want to leave the comfort of his arms, she felt safe there, but she knew she had to do this.
They sat in Maggie's for lunch. Lisa only ordered tea. Jack had a feeling she would not be eating till she got the results of the scans back.
"Aren't you hungry at all Lise? I wish you could eat something, anything, even if it's a piece of chocolate cake."
This got her attention, "chocolate cake, well maybe I could have just a few bites." Lisa never could turn down anything chocolate. And Jack was just happy to see her eat something. Waiting for the results was going to feel like forever. He was trying to think of ways to distract her.
"How about when we get back we take a trail ride, just you and me?"
"Sure, if that's what you want. I know you're just trying to keep my mind off of everything. I appreciate it."
"Is it helping?"
"At this point I don't think anything will work. It's just something I have to get through. But I am very happy to have you by my side."
They finished their meal and returned to Heartland. Jack tacked up the horses while Lisa changed into something to ride in. Once they got going, the fresh air did them both so good. The air was filled with the scent of fragrant flowers and grass and trees. It was Lisa's first trail ride since the diagnosis. She had missed it, she loved being out in the fields with Jack. Jack stopped for a break, there was a willow tree to sit under in the shade and plenty of grass for the horses to graze on. Jack leaned against the tree with Lisa leaning against him, his arms wrapped around her. They sat in silence until Lisa turned around to face him.
"You know you are the only reason I survived."
"That's not true Lise, you're a strong person, you would have done just fine without me."
"I wanted to give up, I would have given up, but I found you sitting at my bedside one day, and it felt like a sign. Thank you for not giving up on me."
"My only regret, Lise, is that you didn't tell me, I would have been there for you. You are my wife, I love you and it breaks my heart that you went through this alone. I always want to be there for you, whenever you need something."
He pulled her into a tight embrace. He wanted to protect her, but he knew he couldn't. He could only be there for her. He kissed her and helped her up.
"I think we should head back, it's almost time for supper, the kids will worry."
They rode back in silence, the day still weighing heavily on them both. They untacked the horses and gave them water and headed into the house.
Lou was in the kitchen when they got back. "Lisa, there's a message for you on the machine, apparently they tried your cell, but it wouldn't go through."
Lisa looked at Jack, "that's quick, too quick."
"Just listen to the message Lise."
"Hi, this message is for Lisa Stillman. The doctor got the results of your scan and would like to see you in his office tomorrow at 9am."
There were no words, Lou looked at Jack, Jack at Lisa. "I'm sure it will be good news Lisa." Lou felt the heaviness. She hoped for the best.
Lisa excused herself and went to the bedroom, as she went to shut the door Jack stopped her and followed her in. He shut the door behind him to give them some privacy.
"Lise?"
"I'm not ready, I thought I'd have more time, I don't want to know yet, can't I have more time?" She was rambling.
Jack took her in his arms and just held her. He was just as scared as she was, he understood everything she was feeling, he was feeling it too. This was their fight, Lisa may be the one with cancer, but they would both be fighting. He pulled back, tilted her chin up so she would look at him. "We are in this together, we are stronger together. Whatever the news tomorrow, I'll be right by your side, always."
By dinner everyone knew of the appointment the next day. They all tried to engage Lisa in some way to distract her. She picked at her dinner before finally giving up and just taking her plate to the kitchen. After a while Lisa sat at the dining room table working on her laptop. At least Jack thought she was working. He caught a glimpse as he walked past. "Last Will and Testament."
"I'm turning in Lise, you coming?"
"I'll be there in a minute." She closed her laptop and headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Jack was already in bed when she climbed in next to him. He turned off the light, leaving the room bathed in moonlit darkness. Jack reached over for her hand, he pulled it up to his lips to kiss. Her hand was still in his when they fell asleep.
Jack woke up with Lisa tossing and turning beside him. He reached out for her. "I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm going to go get some water."
He pulled her close, he had a feeling she wouldn't be able to sleep and now probably won't be able to go back to sleep. He covered her lips with his, kissing her deeply. His hand slipped under her nightshirt caressing her soft skin. Her body responded to his sensual touch. It was the most physical act between two people, but for two people so in love with each other, it was also an emotional act. It was the ultimate distraction for them both.
The time had come, they walked into the waiting room. Jack signed Lisa in while she took a seat. Jack sat next to her, taking her hand in his. "Just remember I'm here Lise."
She excused herself and got up and ran to the bathroom. He can't imagine what she is going through. His stomach was in knots thinking about her going through everything again. Jack put his arm around her when she came out of the bathroom.
"Feel better?"
"Not yet," she replied, digging in her purse for a mint.
The nurse came and got them to take them back to the doctor's office. Lisa grabbed onto Jack for support.
"This was so much easier last time when I didn't know what was coming."
They sat in the two leather chairs across from the doctor's desk. Her heart racing, "Jack, I don't think I can do this."
"I know Lise, just a few more minutes."
"Ms Stillman, Mr Bartlett." The doctor entered the room. "Well, Lisa I won't drag this out any longer I'm sure it's been a long twenty four hours. I've looked over your scans and consulted with my colleagues."
Jack squeezes Lisa's hand in his.
"We are all in agreement, between the surgery and chemo your scans are clear."
Lisa exhales, she didn't even realize she had been holding her breath. Jack leaps up and takes her in his arms. Relief washing over them both, Lisa begins to cry.
"I'll give you two a minute. But Lisa I want you to go for repeat scans in six months and we will meet again. Have a good day." He leaves the office leaving Jack and Lisa alone.
Lisa and Jack held their embrace for a few more minutes. Jack pulled back, she looked up at him. The sparkle back in her blue eyes, she leaned up to kiss him. "Thank you, I wouldn't be here without you."
They arrived home to find everyone in the kitchen waiting to congratulate Lisa on her remission. Lou passed around champagne so they could toast to Lisa's health. It had been a long hard road, but Lisa learned one important lesson, with Jack by her side she could tackle anything, they were stronger together.
