9 to Life
"Here are the invoices, but you've made them worthless." Violet looked to Doralee and Judy and explained, "For the last three days he's managed to put all that missing equipment back."
"It cost me a pretty penny to set it straight," Franklin Hart said.
"You've won, you trumped our ace," Violet said in defeat, "What are you gonna do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Violet," Franklin Hart replied, feigning pity, "Why don't you sit? I'm getting ready to play my last card. I'm going to send you bitches to jail."
The three women sunk down on the office couch together and exchanged looks of disappointment, fear, and rage as Mr. Hart called the police. The plan had been so perfect, they'd been so careful, how could he have gotten loose and they didn't know it? How had this happened?
"Well," Doralee said under her breath, "It was fun while it lasted."
"My poor kids," Violet moaned, "What's going to happen to them now?"
"It's not over, Violet," Judy tried to sound positive, though she failed miserably, "We'll get a lawyer."
"What's a lawyer gonna do?" Violet asked.
"I don't know, they make deals all the time," Judy said. "You always hear of people being let out of jail because they're overcrowded."
"I wouldn't give much for those chances, Judy," Doralee replied.
"Attempted murder, kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon," Violet groaned, "I need an aspirin."
Time seemed to drag on while Hart waited for the police to arrive. During that time the three women sat beside one another on the couch and none even dared move since Hart still had Doralee's gun.
"You know something, girls," Doralee murmured to the others, "This would almost make for a good country song."
Judy looked at her with big eyes. "This?"
"No, not this," Dora Lee answered, "but think about it, 'I roped and wrangled my boss clear to the top'."
In spite of the situation, Violet and Judy sputtered out a laugh.
"All of you shut up over there!" Hart told them. "You're going to jail, this is funny for me, not you."
"Then why aren't you laughing?" Judy spit out before she really thought of it, and it made the other two women laugh.
"Oh," Franklin got up from his desk and marched over to them, who all sat straight with their hands on their laps like perfect little ladies and looked up at him with barely contained grins as he told them, "I'm gonna be laughing, believe me, I'm gonna be laughing for a long time, the list of crimes you three have committed, you'll probably get life!"
Despite themselves, they busted out laughing and rolled against each other on the couch, which just further infuriated their boss.
"Shut up! Shut up all of you! You dumb bitches!" he told them, growing even more irritated with their disregard for the position he had them in.
Their laughter was interrupted by the buzz of the intercom, and all three women grew as silent as a church mouse. Hart walked back over to his desk and hit the button. "Are the cops here?"
"Yes, Mr. Hart."
"Good, send them in, right away." He turned to Violet, Judy and Doralee and had a downright fiendish gleam in his eyes as he told them, "Let's see if you're still laughing now."
"Oh boy," Violet groaned under her breath.
The door opened and two policemen entered the room, both relatively young, one white and skinny, one black and medium build.
"Mr. Hart? We understand you want to file a complaint."
"Not a complaint, charges, I want to press charges against these three women," Hart waved to the ladies seated across from him.
"On what charge?" the second cop asked.
"Charges?" Franklin seemed to choke on the word, "A ton of charges! First of all for poisoning me!"
"You were poisoned, sir?" the first cop asked.
"Well, no, but almost, that's close enough, isn't it?" Hart asked.
"What kind of poison, sir?" the second cop asked.
"Rat poison!"
"Where is it?"
"Well it's...gone, that was a month ago."
"Uh-huh," the black cop said. "You were...almost, poisoned a month ago and you're just reporting it now?"
"Well this is the first chance I've had," Franklin told them. "When I confronted them about it they took me hostage."
"Here?" the white cop asked.
"Yes, here. Well no, not here, I mean it started here, this one," he pointed to Doralee, "she hogtied me with the phone cord."
"What phone cord, Mr. Hart?" the black cop asked.
"That phone cord there," Franklin pointed to the phone.
"It doesn't look like it was used to hogtie anybody, sir."
"Well that's because it's not the same cord."
Both cops looked at the man like he'd lost his damn mind. "Now it's not the same cord?"
"No, well I mean that's the phone it came out of, but no, they replaced it. Just like they replaced the glass in that door after they shot at me."
"Oh they shot at you now," the black cop said.
"Yes, yes they did, that one, that one right there," Hart pointed to Judy.
The black cop went over to the couch and looked at the three women who were sitting like perfect little angels.
"Good morning, miss," he said to Judy.
"Oh, g-good morning, officer," Judy said.
"Do you own a gun?" he asked her.
Judy shook her head, "Oh n-no sir, never, I've actually never done a lot of things, this is actually my first job."
"You don't say," the cop replied.
Judy nodded, accompanied by Violet and Doralee.
"It's true, it is," Violet said. "You should've seen the hat she wore to work on the first day. We had to get a special locker for it."
"Oh," the cop nodded, going along with it. He asked Judy, "How're you liking it so far?"
"Oh, it's been very good, up till now anyway," she answered.
"If you gentlemen will excuse me," Franklin said. "I've got a business to run so can't you just handcuff them all and haul them to jail?"
"Just a minute, Mr. Hart," the white cop told him. "We'll get to the bottom of this."
"You see," Judy played with her hands nervously as she told the officer with a bright eyed look on her face, "I was a housewife up until now, my husband left me for his secretary."
"He did?" the cop did a double take.
All three women nodded again.
"It's true," Doralee said quietly.
"Sounds like a pig to me," he told them.
The women tittered at his response.
"Mr. Hart," the white cop said. "Do you have any proof of this alleged poisoning?"
"Well yes, it was overheard by Roz," Franklin answered.
"Who's Roz?"
"She's...one of the women who works for me. She was the one who brought it to my attention, she heard the whole thing."
"And where is she now?" the white cop asked.
"She's not here," Violet answered.
"She's not here?" Franklin repeated in disbelief.
"No, Mr. Hart, she's undergoing foreign language training in the Aspen language center," Violet said.
"She's what?"
"It's true, Mr. Hart," Doralee said, "she's been there for six weeks, it was your idea, remember? Your signature on the program."
"Oh that's very cute," Franklin looked like he was getting ready to have a stroke. "Well it doesn't matter that Roz isn't here because she took notes of the whole thing."
"Well that would help," the black cop said. "Where are these notes?"
"I...don't know," Franklin rummaged through his desk drawers, "it was here, she had it all scrawled out on toilet paper."
"Toilet paper?" the two policemen asked.
He looked at them as if they were the ones who had lost their minds. "Yes, she was in the ladies' room at the time, hiding in the stall."
The cops exchanged another look and the black cop asked, "Does she by chance have a drinking problem?"
"Oh no no no," Franklin assured them, "That's Margaret, the company lush."
"You have," both cops raised their eyebrows in sync, "a company lush? Officially?"
"Well no not officially, but everybody knows she is," Franklin answered.
"Uh huh," the white cop said skeptically. "Do you ever join her in a few drinks?"
"Me? No no no," Hart shook his head. "I'd never."
"Nah, that would just sound too ridiculous," the black cop responded dryly. "So one of the women who works for you hides in the toilet and takes notes on the toilet paper, and one who doesn't have a gun shot at you, and one of them tried to poison you with rat poison and you can't produce it. Are we following you so far, Mr. Hart?"
"Yes, exactly!" he said, "that's why I want them arrested."
"How, uh," the black cop looked like he was struggling to keep a straight face, "How did she try to poison you? Did she put it in your food?"
"She put it in my coffee," Franklin answered. "But I didn't drink it, thank God, this chair, this stupid chair threw me out of it and knocked me out cold."
"Uh huh," the black cop looked at his partner and they shared a mutual expression. "Now I think we're getting to the bottom of things. Were you taken to the hospital?"
"Yes, I was."
"And did the doctor find any signs of brain damage?" he asked.
"Hell no, I wouldn't let him run any tests, charge me an arm and a-" Franklin did a double take, "Oh wait a minute, you don't think that I'm making this up?"
"Not at all, Mr. Hart, I'm sure to you it's very real."
"It is real!"
"Where's the coffee?" the cop asked.
"Where's...where is the coffee from a month ago?" Hart asked in disbelief. "It spilled on the floor, the janitor mopped it up."
"So you only have the word from this missing woman that it was poisoned?" the white cop asked.
"Yeah, well no...Violet confessed to it! She admitted the whole thing, they all did."
"Ladies," the black cop turned back to them, "is that true?"
"Oh, Mr. Hart's been saying a lot of strange stuff since he hit his head," Doralee said.
"He really has, we've been trying to hide it from the other employees, we don't want them to worry," Violet added.
Hart's face was starting to get red. "You lying bitch!"
"You see?" Violet asked. "I've worked here for 12 years, I trained this man, and I've happily worked under him for many years, I've served him faithfully, and this is the thanks I get."
"12 years?" the black cop repeated. He turned back to Hart and commented, "Seems to me if she was gonna try and poison you, she'd a done it long before now."
"Ma'am," the white cop leaned over Violet and asked her, "Did you try to poison him?"
"No!" Violet insisted. "I would never try something like that."
"You didn't just try, you did it!" Hart screamed at her. "Admit it!"
"No, no, no," Violet shook her head. "Officers, what happened was we had run out of Skinny and Sweet, so on my lunch break I went to the store and got another box of it."
"Skinny and Sweet?" the black cop repeated.
"Yes."
"Those artificial sweeteners will kill you, man," he told Hart. "Why don't you just take sugar like a real man?"
Judy and Doralee elbowed each other as they both pressed their lips tight together to not laugh.
"On my lunch break I also had to buy stuff to take home," Violet told them. "You see I'm a widow with four kids, and they have pets, so I had to go buy pet food and ant spray, and yes...I had to buy some rat poison, we've been getting mice in the basement...do you ever buy rat poison?"
"On occasion," the white cop answered.
"Well, I don't know if you ever noticed this," Violet said. "But the box of rat poison, looks almost identical to the box of Skinny and Sweet, except for the little skull and crossbones."
"Hey," the black cop did a double take, "you're right, they are similar. I knew that stuff was bad news, I never touch it myself, I take my coffee straight black."
"So you see, officers," Violet said coolly, "I had both boxes in my locker, and Mr. Hart was screaming for his coffee, it's not my job but I'm happy to serve, so I got his coffee and I went to replenish the Skinny and Sweet, and he simply mistook that box for the box of rat poison. He didn't accuse me of trying to poison him until after he hit his head, so I tried to let it go at that, the man was simply confused."
"Confused? I'm not confused!" Hart screamed at her, "You crazy bitches tied me up and kidnapped me!"
"Here?" the black cop asked.
"No not here," Franklin sniped.
"Watch your attitude, Mr. Hart," the cop told him.
"Er, I'm sorry, no, not here, they held me at gunpoint and drove me out to my home and kept me tied up there."
"If they kept you tied up there, how are you here now?" the white cop asked.
"I got loose three days ago," Hart answered.
The black cop looked like he was about to bust out laughing himself. "Mr. Hart, a minute ago you said today was the first chance you had to call the police...now you're telling us you were free three days ago and didn't call to report this alleged poisoning and kidnapping?"
"Yes, well I had to catch them off-guard," he answered. "They held me hostage for six weeks."
"At your own home?"
"Yes."
"How?" the white cop asked.
"What do you mean how? They hooked me up to this garage door opener so any time I tried to break loose, they pushed the remote and I was hanging from the ceiling."
Both officers were visibly struggling to maintain their composure by this point.
"Mr. Hart," the black cop said. "Would you mind submitting to a field sobriety test?"
Hart did a double take at both officers. "I am not drunk! I am telling you these women tied me up to a garage door opener!"
"They kept you out in the garage?" the black cop asked.
"Don't be stupid, they kept me in my bedroom!" he told them.
"You have a garage in your bedroom?" the white cop asked.
"No, just the door opener!"
The cops exchanged another look and the black officer said to his partner, "Damn if rich people ain't eccentric."
"It wasn't my idea! Violet did it!" he told them. "They had me tied up to the garage door opener with chains, and a padded suit, and a dog collar."
"Dog collar?"
"Yeah, a black leather one with spikes on it."
The white cop whistled and said, "Mr. Hart, do you like to dress up as a lady too on occasion?"
"What in God's name are you talking about?" he wanted to know. "For crying out loud, man, I'm telling you these three women held me hostage for six weeks!"
"What was that like?" the black cop asked.
"It was hell. I couldn't do anything but eat, smoke my cigars, read magazines, watch TV, I had no contact with anyone except them."
"You live alone, sir?"
"No, I'm married."
"So your wife was there during all this?"
"No, she was on a cruise the whole time."
"What perfect timing," the black cop noted.
"I know! There was nobody there except the three of them," Hart pointed to the ladies, "they brought me my meals three times a day and this one," he pointed at Judy, "She'd stay all night."
The two policemen huddled together and said something the others couldn't hear, then they turned to Hart again.
"Let me see if I got this straight," the black cop said. "You want to have these women arrested, because they cooked your meals, brought you cigars, let you watch TV all day, kept you company, and didn't let you come to work."
"That's right."
The black cop turned towards his partner, then back at Hart and said, "Man, do you know how many guys would kill for that kind of treatment?"
Hart's eyes got big and he looked like he was about to have a stroke.
"I don't see what's so funny about all this! I am telling you these three crazy bitches took me hostage, they pulled this gun on me and-!" Hart pulled Doralee's gun out of his pocket and waved it at the cops.
"Whoa!"
Both cops drew their guns and aimed them at Franklin.
"Put the gun down, Mr. Hart."
"I..." he dropped the gun to the floor and raised his hands, "I was just explaining what happened."
"Is that your gun, Mr. Hart?"
"No."
"That's my gun," Doralee said meekly.
"Yours, ma'am?" the black cop asked.
She nodded. "My husband got it for me for protection, I always keep it in my purse."
The black cop looked at Franklin and did a double take. "You went through a woman's purse!? Good God, man, don't you know anything about being married?"
All three of the men were talking over one another as the two cops managed to restrain Franklin Hart and arrest him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded to know.
"Take it easy, Mr. Hart," the white cop said, "nice and easy, we're just going to go downtown and ask you a few more questions."
"You can't do this to me!" Hart yelled at them. "Do you have any idea who I am?"
"A damn loony would be my guess," the black cop answered. "Stealing from a lady's purse, holding these three nice ladies hostage, you ought to be ashamed of yourself."
"Excuse me, officers," Judy said. "But can we get up now? I have to go to the ladies' room."
"Oh, me too," Doralee nodded.
"That would be just fine, ladies," the black cop told them, "we may need you to come down later and fill out a report."
"Oh, yes sir, officer," Judy said as the three of them stood up, "we'll be sure to do that."
The two policemen escorted Franklin Hart out of his office, and through the main office on that floor, and as they headed towards the elevator, they took in the brightly lit atmosphere with the personalized decor touches at every desk, took in the overall cheerful and helpful attitude of all the assorted workers, and the black cop turned to his partner and said, "This is a real nice way to run a business."
The white cop nodded in agreement and added, "Shame it has to be run by someone so wacko."
The three women slowly left Hart's office and watched as their boss was escorted out by the cops, and also noticed how hardly anybody even paid the spectacle any mind.
"Well ladies," Violet said as the elevator doors shut and Franklin Heart's face disappeared from their view, "I think we managed to pull it off after all."
The three let out a whooping cheer and high-fived one another.
"Well come on," she told Doralee and Judy, "Let's get to work."
"Oh, right," Judy replied. "You know something? I think it's going to be a good day."
"I think so too," Doralee added.
