Kix's first battle is turning into an absolute nightmare.
He's a shiny, for all that he's been put into the role of CMO in Torrent Company because of his grades, and the fight is bad enough that he's put himself on the field in an attempt to help more of his vod'e. The Captain hadn't argued with him, just nodded and assigned a couple of troopers to watch his back while he works, and he appreciates that because the pounding in his head is starting to get dangerously painful.
It had only been minor, at first. A faint hum in the back of his head, nothing serious. He'd lived with that feeling on Kamino pretty much all his life; it was actually quieter on the Resolute, unless he was standing near to General Skywalker. The General had a presence that seemed to seep around him, and it tended to make Kix nervous when he was too close to him.
But as he's spent more time on the battlefield, it's started to get worse and worse. It doesn't help that he's having to focus so hard on everything; he's looking for wounded, not battle droids, and that's far harder with blasterfire going everywhere and the distant sounds of shelling. It wasn't too bad at first, but now that faint hum has transitioned to the point where he's mentally checking boxes for a migraine. Not something he's ever experienced before, but it was in the medic training on Kamino just in case the Jedi he was assigned to suffered from one, so he knows what it's supposed to feel like.
It doesn't compare to the real thing.
It feels more like something's cracking, more than a pressure like it's been described, and while he's definitely got something of a blur at the edges of his vision he's not totally sure that that's an aura so much as the side affect of squinting through the visor on his bucket. Though the light is starting to cause him trouble, even with the tinted glass.
"You alright, Meds?" One of the troopers- Jesse, he's a Scout, which is part of why the Captain gave him to Kix, he's good at keeping an eye on things- asks him. His bucket's tilted a little in concern, and Kix gives himself a bit of a shake when he realises he's been standing in one spot for more than a few seconds now.
"Yeah, fine." He replies, wincing a little at how rough his voice sounds and how it makes the pressure in his head spike up some. "Just- fine."
"If you're sure." Jesse doesn't sound convinced, which is fair- he's a Scout and Kix isn't doing a good job of convincing himself right now, let alone anyone else. But the other trooper, Asterisk, seems to accept it, since he's looking around for more threats and letting Kix catch his breath.
"Of course I'm sure, let's keep moving." He bites back, wincing almost immediately after because kark it he's trying not to antagonise the vod'e he needs to work with, and goes to start forward again.
A shell goes off in the distance, and with it the pain in his head spikes to the point of being entirely unbearable. Kix drops to his knees, hissing, with his hand pressed against his helmet because the world is just too loud suddenly and he knows there're vod'e dying on the field, but he can't make himself move right now, it's too damn much it's far worse than the buzzing he had on Kamino-
Faintly, he can feel vod'e moving around him, he has no idea how because it's too loud for him to hear it and he definitely can't see anything right now, with his eyes slammed closed to try and keep the light away, but he can feel that there's vod'e around and isn't that just embarrassing, the chief medic having a breakdown on the field for no obvious reason when there's vod'e dying-
The buzz-hum-too-loud that characterises General Skywalker being nearby is actually enough to cut through the pain of whatever's going on, which Kix would be glad for if it wasn't for the fact that it's General karking Skywalker. Because of course the Galaxy couldn't take any sort of pity on him right now, the situation had to get even more embarrassing and-
There's probably no way to avoid being sent back to Kamino now. If it had just been vod'e around them then maybe he could've sorted something out, no-one wants to see someone sent for decommissioning even if they don't know each other well, but now? With the General seeing him like this? There's no way he doesn't get sent back for an 'evaluation' and everyone knows what happens when the Kaminiise get a hold of a vod'e for that.
Kark. Kriff. Stang it all to haran.
There's more movements around him, somehow that's the thing that Kix's brain has decided to focus on while he's suffering like this, and then General Skywalker is there, next to him.
"Breathe, trooper." General Skywalker says softly. "Just keep breathing. It's ok."
Kix does his best to follow the general's instructions, but it's… hard. Far harder than it should be. The world is far too loud around him and there are vod'e dying on the field somewhere he doesn't know who all of them are but he can feel them and what use is a medic that can't help-
"Kix." General Skywalker has his hand on his shoulder, suddenly, and Kix startles slightly at the contact. He looks up, but the General isn't looking at him, he's checking the field around them and- "Jesse." He calls, still low. One of the vod'e around him- he hadn't even realised he'd been surrounded, he'd thought they were just grouping up, but there's a group of them gathered to guard him where he'd fallen- jumps a little, then moves forwards. Kix recognises the armour paint as Jesse's, how couldn't he when the Scout's been following him around all kriffing day, but he has no idea how the General had known who he was. "Come here."
He does, hovering awkwardly for a moment before crouching down.
"Set yourself, you don't want to fall over." General Skywalker warns, which makes Jesse move to kneeling. General Skywalker pushes lightly on Kix's shoulder, and after a moment to make sure that the movement isn't going to make him hurl- it feels like it might, which is terrible mostly because he's not sure he'll get his helmet off in time if he does- he relaxes into the movement and lets the General do what he wants.
Which turns out to be gently taking off Kix's helmet himself and moving him to lean with his head on Jesse's chest.
The light makes him hiss, because whatever the haran is going on is making its way further into a migraine quite handily, and Jesse stiffens at the contact but wraps an arm around him to support him. He can hear Jesse's heartbeat from here, even though the armour.
"Count his heartbeats." General Skywalker instructs, apparently not even bothered with how strange that sounds. "Don't focus on anything else, ok? Just count his heartbeats, and if I need to say something to you, I'll get your attention, but just focus on that."
It's a ridiculous instruction, really; there's a battle going on right now, admittedly mostly the clean up, and there's vod'e dying on the field even still. Shells are going off from remaining guns, there's blasterfire everywhere, and here's Kix, leaning against one of his vod'e in the middle of a circle of vod'e that should be out helping with the fight instead of protecting him, being told to count the heartbeats. There's no way he should be able to focus on that.
But somehow he does. It takes a while, and in the end he has to revert to keeping track out loud because he can't hear his own thoughts over the sound of everything else, and he's definitely blushing because this is ridiculous and embarrassing, but he manages it. Jesse just lets him keep leaning against him, barely moving aside from his breaths and the occasional shift to keep himself from going stiff from sitting in one position for too long, and General Skywalker remains crouched next to them both, one hand on Kix's shoulder, saying absolutely nothing.
And, very slowly, it helps.
It's absurd. But after a while- damned if Kix knows exactly how long, things hurt too much for that- the sounds of the battle fade away, and the feelings of whatever the kark was happening to him fade with them, and it's just. Simple. Counting the beats of Jesse's heart from where he's leaning against him, and just breathing.
General Skywalker squeezes his shoulder, and Kix jumps, losing count. He winces as soon as he realises that, prepared for pain, but… there's nothing, to his surprise. Things are still strange, but… quiet. It feels like General Skywalker is standing way too close to him right now, for all that he's actually keeping his distance aside from having his hand on Kix's shoulder and crouching where his shadow blocks out most of the light, and he's smiling at them both.
"There you go. Hopefully that's better?" General Skywalker asks. Kix nods, a little unsure as to what he's actually agreeing to, but he supposes it does feel better, in that it's less loud and painful. "Good. Kriff, I'm sorry, Kix, I didn't realise that would happen to you."
"What did happen, General?" Jesse asks, a hint of a bite in his voice, and if Kix didn't suddenly feel so tired he'd hit him. The Scout was just asking for trouble, talking like that, this was the General and he needs to be respected even if he is a little strange.
General Skywalker snorts, slightly, as if he'd heard that thought- which couldn't be true, the Jedi were supposed to be empaths or something but they couldn't literally hear people's thoughts, he was sure- and doesn't look offended in the least by the lack of respect from the Lieutenant.
"Nothing you need to worry about right now, Jesse." General Skywalker tells him, and Kix abruptly registers that he's still leaning against the Lieutenant and pushes himself away. He's still exhausted, for some reason, and the world sways a little when he moves, but… it's not as bad as it was even a moment ago. "Though I'd appreciate it if you can make sure he gets back to his bunk alright? Battle's practically over, Obi-Wan and the 212th have it pretty well in hand, and right now you need to rest."
The irony of the medic being told to rest isn't lost on Kix, though he doesn't comment as General Skywalker and Jesse pull him to his feet and steady him when he sways. But being told to rest when there's vod'e he needs to help? "Sir-"
"No, Kix. Go rest." General Skywalker touches him once, gently, on the shoulder. "You're no use dead. We've got it."
...There's a dozen things he could say to that, but he does feel terrible still, he would be more of a liability than an asset, and Kix knows if he was looking at another vod that was feeling how he felt right now he'd have them in a bed so fast they wouldn't have time to realise he'd moved them, so.
Also it feels wrong to argue when a superior is literally ordering him to relax. "Yes, sir."
He makes a valiant effort at making his way back towards the dropships, and almost manages it without Jesse deciding to get far too close so he can support him, but unfortunately for him he manages to stumble over something and the Scout takes it as an invitation to wrap his arm around his shoulders. The entire thing is far too embarrassing for words, and while part of Kix is thankful that Jesse handles talking to the pilot in charge of the ship taking them back to the Resolute he also hates everything about this situation enough that he wishes he hadn't.
Jesse ends up sitting next to him on the way back up.
"Didn't realise the General knew our names that well." He comments, and Kix starts slightly to realise that yes, the General had actually both remembered their names and somehow recognised who he was speaking to.
Karking Jedi osik, probably.
Anakin groans, pressing a hand against his forehead. Clean up had gone well, Obi-Wan- and the 212th now attached to him, which is still weird to think about- had handled the rest of the battle fine… which meant that he could probably get away with stealing Obi-Wan and also finding Captain Rex for a chat.
Maybe bring in Obi-Wan's Commander, Cody, too. It'd be a good idea to make sure both the second-in-commands were filled in on everything just in case something like that happens again.
Not that the Captain is his actual second-in-command, but he is command staff, so it would be a good idea for him to be on guard just in case. And he seems to like Kix, anyway.
Sands below, what a mess. He grumbles, before reaching for his comm. "Hey, Obi-Wan."
"Anakin?" His Master sounds surprised, and slightly winded. Not surprising, given what had happened. "It's good to hear you're well."
"You too, Master." He smiles, even though he can't see it. "Listen, can you grab your Commander and meet me in… kark, I don't know. The Resolute's probably best?"
"Certainly." Obi-Wan replies. "It may take some time, though, to make sure the rest of the troopers can handle clean up themselves."
"That's fine, Master, I need to go dig up Captain Rex from wherever he's working at the moment." Anakin tells him. "Call it half an hour?"
"I will see you there." The call ends as abruptly as any when Obi-Wan's too tired to be polite, which makes Anakin feel kind of bad for bringing him into the meeting, but it is necessary right now.
Digging up Captain Rex takes about five minutes, actually getting him to come with Anakin instead of micromanaging Torrent Company's part of the clean up himself takes another ten, and getting back to the Resolute leaves them with about ten minutes before Obi-Wan and Commander Cody get there. He'd admire the Captain's dedication to his work and his troops if it hadn't been the worst time for that to show up.
It still leaves just barely enough time for Anakin to head to his quarters and raid the stash of tea he's been keeping for when he and Obi-Wan have meetings, at least, so Anakin isn't too upset about that even as he reaches along their Force Bond and gives Obi-Wan the directions to the office he's taken over.
"So what seems to be the problem, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asks as they enter. It's the tone of voice that implies he thinks Anakin set something on fire again, which would be rude if it weren't for the fact that that tone of voice only comes out when Anakin's set something on fire again.
Except in this case he hasn't, actually, so it's probably fine to assume it's rude.
"First, tea." He says in return, gesturing at the cups he's poured out. "Second, sit down, all of you." Because for some reason Captain Rex is still standing.
Obi-Wan takes a cup of tea. After some prompting, so do the Captain and Commander, looking at it like they've never seen it before.
...Had they ever seen it before? It's not exactly something that comes in the standard resupply.
Now Anakin's sad again, and sort of wants to go to Kamino and interrogate some of the scientists there.
Obi-Wan pokes at him, feeling the downturn in his emotions, and sips his tea. "So, what is the problem?"
"Background, first." He says, gesturing to the two Clones. "So there's this thing that can happen, no-one knows why, but sometimes the Force will just surge. Sometimes it's obviously related to something that's going on, sometimes it's not going to be something you find out the reason for ever."
Obi-Wan sits up straighter. So does Commander Cody.
"Is that what happened on the battlefield today?"
"Force surges can trip Force Sensitives up, especially if we're close enough." He gestures to Obi-Wan and himself. "In our case, we're pretty powerful, so we tend to sense those sorts of things better. It's what shielding is for, as well as keeping us from always hearing emotions floating around."
"Am I to take it that you know what caused that surge?"
"I do." Anakin sighs. "What caused that was an improperly created shield falling under the stress and causing the person making the shield to stop hiding their Force presence."
Captain Rex and Commander Cody both look confused. Obi-Wan stiffens, and Anakin thinks it's probably only years of putting up with his shit that keeps his Master from dropping his tea.
"You mean to say there was a Youngling somewhere nearby?"
"Not quite, Master." He grins a little, the feeling of amused fondness tempered by the knowledge of just how bad it had obviously been for Kix. "Not so much a Youngling as someone very untrained in the Force. I doubt he had any idea of what he can do, though he's certainly very talented at hiding given that I've been talking to him for weeks and hadn't even noticed."
Apparently that makes it click for the troopers as well, while Obi-Wan just goes even more wide-eyed. "It's one of the troopers?"
"Yup-"
The sudden blast of surprise-shock-fear-terror from both troopers makes them startle. It's only good luck that Obi-Wan's put his tea down, because otherwise Anakin's sure he would've dropped it this time.
They both take a second to shore up their shields, using their Force Bonds to check each other for flaws that would make the emotional flow more obvious- Anakin uses the moment to show Obi-Wan what he's done for Kix, the stretched-out shielding method that he's technically not supposed to know how to do but Obi-Wan had taught him anyway because it was useful, and basks in the brush of approval that gets him- before turning to the troopers, who haven't outwardly changed aside from paling a little.
"Commander, are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks, looking very much like he'd like to reach out. Anakin's stifling the same urge for Rex, so it's not like he can mock him for that, but he's also aware that the troopers don't take contact well from anyone not their own.
"Fine, sir."
Anakin sort of wants to argue that they'd both clearly not fine, but pressing them probably wouldn't help matters, so instead he turns back to Obi-Wan, pokes Obi-Wan into also not pressing, and keeps talking. "But yeah, one of the troopers. Shields went down, he got hit with the full force of everything all at once, since apparently those shields were at least doing something to keep things out, and collapsed. Same thing set off the Force surge we felt, because those shields were also keeping his Force presence collected and hidden enough that he didn't register even to us, when he went down."
"Yes, I can certainly understand that." Obi-Wan looks pained, and Anakin gets that pretty well. Suddenly being without shields is bad enough- it's only happened once and he prays it'll never happen again- but being that way in the middle of a battlefield? Probably the worst case of sensory overload Kix has ever experienced, especially since he's likely very inexperienced with the Force. "Are they alright?"
"He should be fine." Anakin shrugs. "I did what I could. Redirection, mostly, figured it'd help him build up his own sort of shield for the moment, and then pop-wrapped him in my own as soon as he wasn't risking some kind of Force-caused stroke. He actually managed to shield on his own alright as well, once he'd gotten the redirection working well enough that he could actually think again. Didn't cloak himself as hard, though, you'd probably notice him if you had any reason to."
As expected, that makes Obi-Wan look like he wants to start searching around for this Force Sensitive trooper, though admitting that Anakin is holding his shields and that the trooper isn't hiding any more both make their seconds look-feel even more concerned.
Anakin, in turn, is very concerned as to what the hell they're taught on Kamino that makes them this wary of one of their own being Force Sensitive. Perhaps they're concerned they're going to be taken away? The Temple only does that sort of thing by force in very abusive situations, the rest of the time they always make sure to get consent, and while Anakin isn't exactly a teacher if Kix wants to remain on the Resolute with the rest of the troopers then he'll absolutely find everything he'll need to start teaching a Padawan and at least give the man some base to work from without blowing out his own brain from stress.
He'd like to think that Kamino wouldn't have taught them the same kind of banthadung that a lot of the Galaxy likes to believe about the Jedi, but then again, he has no idea and it's not like there was a Jedi there to monitor it.
He bundles all that up into a thought and pushes it along his bond with Obi-Wan, which distracts the man for a moment as he examines the idea, sending back acknowledgement-agreement-offer of assistance in return.
"Who was it?" Captain Rex finally asks, sounding like he's bracing himself for… something. Something bad, based on the feelings around him, which is still very concerning.
"Kix." Anakin tells him. "He's the CMO from Torrent." Captain Rex would know that, but Obi-Wan wouldn't, and there's no guarantee that Commander Cody would either since the 501st isn't his.
Obi-Wan winces. "Ah. I see… that would be painful."
Anakin doesn't quite get what he means by that, but given that his Master's friends with a Healer, he probably knows more about that sort of thing than he does.
For some reason being given that identity is making the feelings worse, not better, and there's an ugly undercurrent of someone bracing themselves for something terrible and tedious that Anakin does not like at all. He turns the Captain and frowns slightly.
"What's got you so worried? You're broadcasting- it's not too bad, don't worry!" He adds, when the alarm spikes heavily from both of them. "But you're obviously concerned about all this. The Temple won't take him or anything, honest! If Kix decides he wants to stay on the Resolute then I'd just end up in charge of training him, it'd be fine."
"As you say, sir." The Captain… doesn't exactly calm down, though the swirl of emotions does become slightly less obvious, and something still gnaws at the back of Anakin's mind when Obi-Wan pulls his attention back over.
"You said redirection worked well?"
"Count the heartbeats." He explains. "Figured that if it worked well enough for me, it should work fine for someone of lesser power, even if they're completely unused to the Force. Took a couple of false starts, but it got there fine in the end."
"And he's fine?"
"Last I checked, yeah. Sent Jesse, he's one of the Scouts, a Lieutenant, to keep an eye on him. Haven't been hailed on the comms and I've not felt anything happening behind the shielding, so he's probably fine, just exhausted and likely with one hell of a headache."
"Do you think we could go and visit him?" Obi-Wan asks, apparently deciding that he's just going to ignore the constant panic spikes going on next to them. Anakin wishes he had that kind of dedication to a situation, honestly, but he's also too busy being concerned about those panic spikes to be able to properly ignore them.
"I can comm Jesse, see if Kix's still awake and also good with visitors." Anakin offers. "That sort of Force overload, especially one happening for the first time, might mean he's too tired to do anything but tell us to kriff off."
Again, more panic-horror-fear, but Obi-Wan just chuckles, likely remembering the same event that Anakin is- that is to say, the last time Quinlan Vos got accidentally blasted with memories because he wasn't paying quite enough attention to what he was doing. Younger Anakin had learned a lot of interesting swears that day.
"And that would certainly be reasonable, given the circumstances." Ok, not ignoring the emotions from the troopers, good to know. "Do go ahead and make that comm, Anakin. I'd quite like to meet Kix myself before…" He gestures, somehow managing to envelop the entire situation with the war, the Temple, and Kix's new status.
Anakin nods, reaching for his comm and prodding his way over to Jesse's comm number- he'd made sure to get a number for every trooper that was close to Command status, and Jesse had the honour of being one of the more high ranking Scouts in their Company. He gets the impression the man rather hates it, actually, but he's never complained around Anakin so he's not said a word to Captain Rex about maybe sorting something out.
The Scout seems stressed, and surprised to be getting a message directly from the General- seriously, their comm codes were all on the GAR database, why was it such a surprise that he might want to make sure he could contact them?- but he confirms that Kix is still awake, and he's ok with visitors. Both Anakin and Obi-Wan are surprised by that, because they'd genuinely expected Kix to want them to kriff off until the headache has gone away, but he gets the directions from Jesse and leads the way over.
Captain Rex and Commander Cody both seem to get more anxious as they get closer to the room they were directed to, which definitely starts making Anakin concerned about Kamino again.
From the way Obi-Wan reaches over to him with their Force Bond, he feels the same.
'I think we might need to speak to the Council about pushing up that conversation with the Kaminoans about what exactly they're teaching the troops.' Obi-Wan mutters, disdainful-concerned-worried.
'I agree, Master.' Anakin frowns. 'I can't think of any reason they'd be this afraid of one of their own being Force Sensitive unless someone on Kamino's been teaching them terrible things about us.'
'Well, their template was a Mando'ad, so I wouldn't be surprised.' Obi-Wan grimaces. 'But no, I don't like it either way.'
'They shouldn't have to be afraid of us. They're supposed to be working alongside us, they shouldn't be afraid.'
'I know, Anakin.' Obi-Wan presses comfort towards him. 'We'll have to do what we can to assuage this fears of theirs.'
'Do you think they think we'll take him away?'
'It is the unfortunate belief of the Galaxy, in the end. Again, Anakin, peace. We'll do what we can to prove them wrong to think that, and someone will teach dear Kix what he needs to know to avoid this happening again.'
Probably not Anakin, then, no matter the fact that Kix was part of his command staff, his Company, because of course Anakin isn't good enough in Obi-Wan's eyes to teach.
They all stop just outside the door. This close, Anakin can feel the point where his extended shields meet Kix's recovering ones, a sort of seam holding the two of them together so that his shields actually help and don't just stifle Kix's senses entirely. Obi-Wan's also noticed Kix's presence and seems to be metaphorically circling it like a sand-shark, not quite touching it but definitely close enough to be noticed. Both of their second-in-commands seem to be flooded with even worse anxiety, though they're keeping it out of their body language admirably well.
Jesse opens the door before any of them knock- point one in favour of Kix having some fairly decent empath abilities, though that might also be because he's currently wrapped up in Anakin's shields- and gives them a faintly nervous smile.
"Generals, Commander, Captain." He greets, saluting. He's tangled up in a mix of wariness-confusion-worry that makes Anakin feel terrible, so he returns the smile with a fondness meant to ease before he replies.
"Hello, Lieutenant. How's the CMO?"
"He seems… alright, sirs?" Poor Jesse just looks even more confused- Anakin is starting to want to strangle the Kaminoans- and steps back to let them into the bunk room. Two person officers bunks, fortunately for Kix; it'll make recovering easier if he's in a quieter room, and while distance doesn't mean much to the Force it still helps. All they need is to make sure Jesse doesn't go overboard with things.
Or forge a Force Bond between them. Force Bonds with non Force Sensitives weren't as useful for balancing yourself, unless they had a lot of training to be able to help sooth surges of emotion, but they did still help, and the more bonds Kix had, the better it'd be while he figured out how to shield himself properly.
He'd have to bring that up.
"Mostly he just seems kind of… quiet, I guess." He shrugs, stepping back. "Um. If you'd come in, then?"
"Thanks, Jesse." Anakin smiles again, stepping in. The bunk room is… sparse. Like, so sparse that it makes him think of his Padawan room when he'd only just moved into it ten years ago. And even that wasn't actually this sparse. There's two beds, the weapons and armour lockers, the personal lockers, and that's basically it.
It's depressing, and from the way Obi-Wan's end of the bond wobbles, he thinks the same.
Kix is lying on one of the beds, his position suggesting that he'd probably been pressing his face into the pillow before they arrived, and he looks just as wretched as he had on the battlefield. The distance and quiet had helped, but obviously not enough.
Anakin watches the way Obi-Wan twitches with the suppressed urge to go mother nexu over the Medic, sends him an amused wave of emotions, and smiles at Kix. "Hey, Kix. You doing ok now?"
"Better, sir." The smile he gets back is more of a very strained grimace. Though surprisingly Kix seems to be the only person who's not worried about some nebulous thing. Instead he's more curious-confused-baffled-wary, which is at least a little better than the way Jesse seems stuck on confused-wary-afraid or the way both Captain and Commander seem to be bracing themselves for something horrible.
That is probably not helping Kix, actually, if he's a decent empath- any kind of empath at all, really- he's probably picking up on a lot of nerves from the rest of the group.
"Alright, time to re-explain everything, I guess." Anakin glances at Obi-Wan, only to find that his Master has happily abandoned him to his Company Command. If he bothered to listen to their Force Bond he'd probably get some kind of sly comment about taking responsibility for his troopers, so Anakin ignores that entirely instead and refocuses on Kix.
"General?"
"Right." It takes a moment for him to settle things properly in his mind, figuring out what he needs to explain now and what can be left until later, when they have a little bit more time to deal with things. Some of it might also need actual texts or something, which is going to be a pain to get on the ship, but they might be able to swing something.
The most difficult part is properly going to be getting Kix to believe him.
"So, on the battlefield a little bit ago, there was an… incident?" He shrugs. "We'll call it an incident. Good a name as any for it, really. Essentially there's this thing that can happen in the Force that's… basically an energy surge. Something happens, and it happens loudly enough that any Force Sensitive in the area is going to hear it. It can be pretty disorientating, especially when you're not expecting it, because it's also the annoying sort of thing that likes to cut through shields and make itself known. Unless you've got support, it's pretty damn hard to find your balance again."
Kix's eyes are already wide, and he seems to be going into that focused state all Healers get when they think their patient is being an idiot for some reason. "Are you both alright, Generals?"
"Oh, we're fine." Anakin waves away. "We can balance each other out pretty well, and my shields are kind of ridiculous, so it's easier for us to settle than it would be for most people. That's not the issue here. What is is the fact that these kind of things are a bit weird in terms of what causes them. You can't always tell what happened, sometimes there's nothing obvious, sometimes there's something really obvious, and then sometimes it's actually the backlash of something happening the other end of the Galaxy that just happened hard enough to resonate that far. But! We do actually know what caused this one."
Kix raises an eyebrow slightly. Jesse seems confused, from where he's standing near the door. Both Captain Rex and Commander Cody are… flat. Oddly flat, like they're consciously suppressing whatever they're currently feeling.
They still feel afraid.
"What happened is that something on that field- I'm assuming it was just the amount of things happening all at once, impacting the Force- managed to knock down someone's shields entirely. Completely gone. And that's… not a good thing, for a Force Sensitive. Migraines are the good end of that spectrum, usually. There's records in the Archives of people just stroking out the second it happens because of the sudden influx of information."
"Are they ok?" Kix near-demands, almost immediately back into Healer mode. It's a funny image, given that he's still in his bunk recovering from a near-migraine, and a welcome distraction from the way Jesse wavers realisation-understanding-shock-fear-horror-dreadin the background.
"They seem fine, sure." Anakin says in return, giving him a subtle once-over to make sure he's telling the truth. "That's still not the important bit, though."
"Sir?"
"Shields are two way." He explains, remembering how Obi-Wan had explained this to him back when he was a kid. "They help keep things out, sure, but they also help keep things in. And if they're strong enough, thick enough? They can do that in a way that means that a person doesn't show up in the Force as anything other than a slightly more Force Sensitive than baseline person… and it can make it so they don't feel anything of the Force at all."
"And that's quite dangerous." Obi-Wan cuts in, in that particular teacher voice of his. "Hiding isn't too bad, admittedly, but not feeling anything, especially when you're supposed to? Cutting yourself off from the Force like that has… consequences."
"With one exception, that being if you didn't realise you were supposed to be feeling things at all." Anakin rolls his eyes at his Master, who shoots back fond-amusement-apology for interrupting and inclines his head. "The Temple has records of that sort of thing happening too, people who didn't realise that they were Force Sensitive and weren't found by the Temple managing to shield themselves in a way that meant that they didn't register to anyone else as a Force Sensitive either. It kept them from feeling things, but it also kept them from being found."
"And that happened today on the battlefield, you think?" Kix frowns.
Honestly, Anakin's impressed that Kix hasn't gotten it at this point. Obi-Wan seems the same, though there's a part of him that's pushing on the edge of the bond, cautioning and nervous that they need to be gentle here.
"I know for a fact it did." Very deliberately, he eases off slightly on the shielding that he's offering- not a lot, it's barely noticeable and definitely won't cause him to go back into that state of overload, but enough that Kix does notice, from the way the lines around his eyes shift. "Mostly because I'm looking right at him."
And that gets the response they were waiting for, all wide-eyed surprise and a hint of disbelief.
"Sir?"
"It probably feels like Anakin's standing too close to you right now, I expect." Obi-Wan puts in, folding his arms into his robes. "Even though he's at a decent distance, there's still a part of you that's insisting that he's standing rather too close for normal comfort, practically close enough to lean on if you wanted."
"That's because I'm lending you my shields." Anakin explains, when Kix does nothing but transfer his stare to Obi-Wan instead. "Yours fell completely, in a way I've only felt myself once, and trust me that sucked. I had a migraine that lasted a day and a half and spent a week in the Healer's wing after we got back, and that was with Obi-Wan helping balance me through our bond. I'm legitimately amazed that you're doing as well as you are, though you had the benefit of being older and having had help a lot faster."
Obi-Wan winces slightly, and Anakin presses forgiveness-not your fault at him, before both of them are distracted by the sheer force of surprise-shock-realisation-horror-terror-panic-dread-sorrow-mourning that crests over them like a wave.
It slams against his shields, the inside of his shields, which tells him exactly where it's all coming from, and he freezes in the face of Kix's feelings. Obi-Wan moves with the gait of someone reacting automatically, making his way to Kix's side and reaching out, when Jesse rushes past them from his place guarding the door. He wraps the medic up and glares at Obi-Wan, a show of personality and defensiveness that Anakin hadn't even realised he'd not been seeing from the troopers until now, and Obi-Wan stops in the face of it.
Captain Rex and Commander Cody both startle again, though he doesn't hear any sort of movement from either of them. It's all in the emotions, noticeable even under the riot of Kix's, the way that they tremble with another dash of fear-worry-mourning.
It's the feeling of mourning that makes Anakin reach out to Obi-Wan again, leaving Jesse to calm Kix down. He'd do it better anyway, with the shared culture that they have and the way they're equals compared to Anakin and Obi-Wan both being technically above them.
'Why mourning?' Anakin frowns, concerned. 'I could understand the fear and worry, I guess, but mourning?'
'I don't know, dear one.' Obi-Wan is frowning as well, he can tell, even though his face is the impassive Jedi mask and turned away to give Kix and Jesse a bit of privacy. 'Believing that the Jedi might take Kix away could explain some of it, certainly, but…'
But mourning feels like too much for it to just be that. It's too strong an emotion, doesn't quite make sense.
'I'm starting to get a terrible feeling about this, Master.' He's had a bad feeling for a long time, but this has stepped far past that point.
'So am I, Padawan mine. So am I.'
It takes a while for Kix to calm, even with Jesse murmuring to him and both Anakin and Obi-Wan offering both their support and their own calmer emotions towards him. They have to be careful, because Kix's panic is being caused by him being Force Sensitive and feeling emotions isn't exactly going to distract him from that, but it's automatic to offer their help in balancing him. Jedi do that for each other, whenever they can, and while Kix isn't a Jedi it still goes against everything they'd grown up with to leave a Force Sensitive suffering.
"What's going to happen to me?" Kix asks finally, and the sheer dread in his voice makes both of them flinch.
"That depends entirely on what you want." Obi-Wan replies. "If you wanted to become a Jedi, we could certainly find someone to take you on as a Padawan. If not, you'll still need to be trained to make sure something like this doesn't happen again. It can be extremely dangerous, and we wouldn't want you getting hurt because of it."
"...You won't send me back to Kamino?"
Anakin tilts his head. "I mean. Not unless you want to go? I know Master Ti's on Kamino, she's a good teacher for sure, and the familiar environment might make it easier to settle down or something, but I promise I won't mess it up. Besides, Master Obi-Wan'll be able to help me out as well, so it's not like you'll be getting subpar teaching or something if you stay here. But if you want to go to Kamino-"
"No!" The entire room seems startled by Kix's shout, and all of the troopers freeze up even more. Anakin and Obi-Wan trade a glance; this was the first time he'd really seen any of the troopers snap back at him, and from what he could read of Obi-Wan's face it was the same for him. It was good to see that they weren't all entirely submissive to whatever the Jedi wanted, though at the same time, the vehemence in Kix's voice was…
"I-I-I mean." He swallows, wide eyed. "I mean. No, General, I."
Obi-Wan nods, gently. "It's quite all right, Kix. This is obviously quite a stressful situation for you. There is no need to worry about your response, we quite understand."
The assurance doesn't make Kix relax any, and Jesse is giving both of them a look that makes it quite clear that he doesn't believe them in the slightest, so Anakin smiles slightly. "It's entirely up to you, and I promise I'll do what I can to make sure you're safe. But yeah, if you don't want to go back to Kamino, then you don't have to. Same with the Temple, though if you'd rather go back there and try and get a Master the standard way, we can make arrangements for that."
"That's not quite what I meant Generals!" Kix rushes out, still looking pale. He still feels absolutely terrified, too, a tangled mix of horror-terror-worry-fear-dread-devastation that itches at the back of Anakin's teeth. He tilts his head a little, inviting, and Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow at him. "I. I mean. Don't you have to tell the Kaminoans?"
Anakin glances at Obi-Wan.
"Not as far as I know." His Master shrugs. "According to their contract," something that never makes Anakin stop feeling sour and cold inside, "All of the clones they made are entirely the property of the Jedi, so we have no obligations to say a word about anything."
"Also you're all your own people and deserve privacy."
Obi-Wan gives Anakin a gentle look. "Yes, of course that as well, but I'm talking from the purely legal standpoint of how the Kaminoans have been shown to think."
That reminder does help, a little, and Anakin nods and takes a settling breath. Getting too fired up about the state of the trooper's lives isn't going to help them right now, especially since Kix is still vulnerable.
Obi-Wan continues, "Technically yes, they should be informed so that they can look out for signs of other Force Sensitives among the clones-"
The spike of absolute terror from all four of the ones in the room makes Obi-Wan stop, cutting off his sentence with a sharp click. He takes a few breaths of his own, folds his arms into his sleeves, and adds, "However we have absolutely no obligation to do that and from the way you're reacting I'd say we have several rather decent reasons not to."
"General?"
"You're all broadcasting and it's pretty hard not to feel it." Anakin says apologetically. "Sorry about that. Though why don't you want us to tell the Kaminoans? If they know to look out for it we might be able to get other Force Sensitive clones into training earlier, which'd made it less likely something like this would happen."
The way that all of them trade looks, as though asking each other what to do, doesn't make Anakin feel any better about the situation.
"Look, you don't have to tell us anything, it's fine, but at the same time if things get out it'll be a lot easier to justify things if we know why we should be keeping it secret-"
"It's a mutation." Captain Rex suddenly says, sounding like it's been torn out of him. Anakin blinks, turning to look at his Captain- his Captain, the one he knows has blond hair rather than the black that most of the troopers have- with a frown. "The Kaminoans don't look fondly on mutations."
"Oh-kay, and…?"
The troopers trade looks again, and there's a ripple of hope-disbelief-possibility in the well of negative emotions that've been swamping the room.
"You don't know, sirs?"
"Don't know what, Commander?" Obi-Wan asks, turning as well with a frown of his own.
"Decommissionings."
The word is whispered, spat out like something foul that you need to get rid of but discreetly, so no-one else sees it happen, and for a moment Anakin gets a feeling of whiplash from a long ago memory- slaves in their quarters spitting the names of their masters and trading secrets as lowly as they can they can't get into trouble for knowing these things if no-one knows they know- before the actual word settles into his mind.
At that point things just go red instead.
"I'm going to hope," Obi-Wan starts, after several minutes of back and forth rage-horror-dismay-calm-calm-calm-no between the two of them as they try to sooth each other while falling apart, "That that does not actually mean what I think it does."
Strangely enough that reply makes the troopers calm, a sudden vacuum forming as the tension drains like a plug's been pulled- except for Kix, who's still tense afraid-nervous-worried-frightened in a way that makes Anakin think of hiding in corners.
"I'm going to set that planet on fire." Anakin states, when no-one says a word to assure Obi-Wan that no, they've got it wrong. "I don't care that it's an ocean, I'm going to set it on fire."
"Anakin, no." Obi-Wan replies, and Anakin would snap out about him not caring at all if they weren't still leaning so hard on each other, if he couldn't feel that Obi-Wan's own temper was boiling just below the surface. "If you set it on fire we won't be able to use it. Besides, Master Ti is there at the moment, it'd be much better to just set her on the Kaminoans until the end of the war. Then we can remove all the troops with much less fuss than that sort of mass evac in the middle of the war would cause." He pauses. "And then I suppose we could set it on fire, assuming we don't want to take them to court over everything first."
"Court could be good." Anakin agrees, after several moments of breathing deeply and reminding himself that Obi-Wan's probably right, he usually is, he's good at solving problems with less violence. "How're we telling Master Ti, though, if we aren't talking about the Force Sensitive thing?"
"We just don't mention what started the conversation." Obi-Wan shrugs. "Tell the Council we learned about decommissionings due to something happening on the battlefield, don't tell them anything more than that- let me handle the talking, Anakin, you're good at many things but diplomacy isn't one of them- and then just let Masters Ti and Plo Koon ruin the Kaminoans' lives."
"Master Plo Koon?"
"That man hasn't gone more than a year between Padawans since he achieved the rank of Master, if he's not adopted half of his troops by now then I will be very surprised."
"Oh." Somehow that doesn't quite fit the image of the scary Kel Dor Council Master that he remembers, but Obi-Wan's different in public than in private a lot of the time too, so he supposes that would make sense. And it's not like Anakin's seen him much outside of the Council Chambers anyway.
Helpfully, it seems that their segue into how to ruin the Kaminoans' lives has given the troopers enough time to calm down. They're still tense, all of them are, and Kix still has an edge of fear about him, but compared to how they were doing at the start of the conversation they're practically relaxed.
Anakin takes another breath, banks the white-hot rage to deal with later, and turns to Captain Rex. "I'm going to need to talk about that more later. Everything you can think of to tell us." Obi-Wan nods, and it's good to know that his Master is going to be at his side for that even if it means they end up in another feedback loop of rage and mildly murderous intent. "We'll handle the Council from there. But for now that's not important-"
"In that it's something that we can deal with later without necessarily threatening someone's life."
"Yes, exactly." He wheels back around to face Kix. "Because, going back to the original point of this entire conversation, you being Force Sensitive is definitely not something we can put on one side until later without risking someone's life, because being Force Sensitive and not being able to shield properly is dangerous."
"How so, sir?" Kix asks, sitting up a little. Jesse seems to remember that he's currently sharing the bunk with the medic, from the way he flushes slightly, but he doesn't move away.
Anakin gestures to Obi-Wan.
"Being an unshielded Force Sensitive is dangerous for a lot of reasons, mostly because you don't have control." He explains, in the familiar tone of lecturing. "Getting too distressed leads to your emotions leaking out around you, and it can cause the Force to react; if Anakin got too angry, for example, you might notice things shaking around him, especially if his shielding is slipping. It also means that you're going to automatically start… hm, 'reading' might be the best way to put it, every emotion of any sentient nearby. Your range is entirely dependant on how powerful you are in that area but that won't stop you from reading the emotions of anyone inside of it."
"That's what happened on the battlefield." Kix repeats, suddenly going pale.
Obi-Wan nods. "And that's why you need training. Even if you never use the Force for anything other than just feeling emotions, you need to be trained so that you don't end up feeling the emotions of every sentient in the area. You'll still be able to, but it'll be a lot less overwhelming if you have shields."
"Having bonds also helps." Anakin adds in. "When you're bonded to other people- and this doesn't have to be Force Sensitives, it's just more common that it is because… well, most of us that do it are Jedi, so they're bonding with other Jedi- they can help you regulate the overflow of things a bit. It's got its own risks, because sometimes you can end up in a feedback loop if you're both feeling the same way and pushing it at each other down the bond, but it's still helpful. They get a bit faded if you're too far away from each other, especially if they're new, and they break if one end of the bond dies, but the rest of the time it's a good way to keep yourself on an even keel if you don't think you can do it yourself." He smiles. "No matter what you end up deciding, if you want to stay here or go back to the Temple and see if someone else will train you, I'd offer you at least a temporary bond while you figure things out. Or a full one, if you want to stay here."
"The creation of Padawan bonds requires full oversight by the Council." Obi-Wan interrupts, before Kix can respond.
"Pair bonds don't." Anakin points out in return. Obi-Wan thinks about that for a moment, then slowly nods.
"We could work with that." He agrees. "Not technically allowed… but we're in the middle of a war that we're not supposed to be in and dealing with impossible things, so I suppose traditions can be stretched some."
"Alternatively, you're a member of the Council…"
"That's not how it works, Anakin." Obi-Wan sighs. "The entire Council is needed to make sure the bond forms properly, just having me here wouldn't be enough to make it a proper Padawan bond."
"Sure, sure." Anakin waves off, grinning. Obi-Wan would probably still help him out if he needed it, the whole Council thing and proper bonds be damned.
"I- could I have some time to think about it?" Kix asks, looking overwhelmed again.
"Of course." He replies, stepping back towards the door. "I'll keep handling the shields for you. At some point that won't really be a good idea and we'll need to sit down to put your own together, but at least for now it'll do."
"Thank you, General."
"No problem, Kix." Anakin reaches out to pull lightly on his bond with Obi-Wan, trying to lead him out of the room. His Master huffs, but follows him, nodding to his Commander in a non-verbal signal that he could stay and try to help. "Take as long as you need, and relax, ok? There's no real pressure here."
He drags Obi-Wan out of the bunkroom and shuts the door before any of the troopers can respond. From there, he pulls him down the corridor to the room he'd been given as a bunkroom and office area, locks the door, and falls into a seat.
"So." Anakin says.
"So." Obi-Wan replies.
They look at each other for a moment.
Anakin grabs the nearest throw pillow and screams into it.
"Better?" Obi-Wan asks, after about a minute of screaming.
"Mildly." He nods. "What the hell did I just volunteer for?"
"Training the Force Sensitive clone of a man who was both Mando'ad and very, very against the Jedi?" His Master reminds him. "And also probably breaking the Code in some number of ways, but honestly that's not important in the grand scheme of things."
"...Breaking the Code is the least of your worries right now?"
"The Code is a mess of stickyplast and glue on a good day." Obi-Wan shrugs. "Certainly you should attempt to follow it, but it's not really feasible to live by it every day. …I had hoped that I'd taught you that well enough."
"...Sure." Anakin says, putting that to one side to deal with later. "Right. Ok. I've got to somehow figure out how to train someone who's background is completely different to mine and who had no idea he could use the Force before today. Simple."
"Almost sounds familiar, doesn't it."
Anakin launches the pillow at his Master, who catches it with a laugh.
"Please help me, Master, I don't know how to do this."
"I'm rather certain that no-one ever does." Obi-Wan tells him. "I certainly didn't."
"You did pretty well, though."
"Thank you, Anakin." The man looks… oddly sad, for some reason. "I suppose you do have one advantage on myself, though. You at least have some common elements with Kix."
"Thank you for reminding me that I really want to set Kamino on fire."
"Revenge is not the Jedi way." Obi-Wan… tries to counsel, though it doesn't work quite as well as it could given that he also looks and feels furious.
"And setting an angry Togruta on the entire population of the planet doesn't count as revenge?"
Obi-Wan shrugs.
"...We'll have to take the time to talk to your Commander soon." Anakin starts, after a few minutes of silence as both of them just... try and process the sheer force of the clusterkriff that had fallen into their lives. "And Captain Rex, as well. Figure out exactly what the hell was going on on Kamino."
"Do that, tell the Council, set Master Ti on the entire planet, possibly with reinforcements from Master Plo Koon, and then start figuring out how to teach Kix about the Force." Obi-Wan continues. "Even if he doesn't ever want to go quite as far as a Jedi would, teaching him how to defend and balance himself will be essential."
"I think he might, if he was given the right sort of training." Anakin rolls the thought around his mind for a few minutes. "What about Bant?"
"Oh, that would make a good deal of sense." Obi-Wan grins at the thought of his Crèchemate. "And she'd do it without asking questions, too, because Bant is far too used to Quinlan and myself to question it."
"We'd just need to get Kix's permission first." He reminds, then hesitates. "Did you notice?"
"What?"
"Nothing shook." He points out. "When Kix panicked. There wasn't even a hint of something moving."
Obi-Wan's eyes widen, then narrow in thought.
"You're right." He hums. "I didn't notice at the time, but you're quite right. How very interesting…"
"Maybe it just means that he's not going to be very powerful at telekinesis?"
"It could." Obi-Wan shrugs. "The way the Force reacts instinctively isn't always a good way of judging what sort of skills a person has, but I suppose there is a chance that this could be."
Both of them sit in silence for a few minutes, thinking.
"Help me write some kind of training plan for this?" Anakin asks.
"Of course, dear one."
As soon as the door closes behind the Generals, Kix's breathing speeds up again. He's shaking, and a distant part of his mind is cataloguing the whole thing, panic attack, delayed shock, but that's in the background, behind the roaring torrent that sounds a lot like Kamino rain.
Someone's running a hand down his back. His head is resting on someone's shoulder. There's someone on his other side now, and someone else sitting at the foot of the bunk, offering silent support. He appreciates it, leaning into the other trooper and trying to ride his way through everything.
"Kriffing haran." He manages, once his breathing's a little more steady. Everything's still a bit distant, and he's still shivering, but the warmth of his vod'e around him helps a little with that. It'll settle soon enough, he knows.
The chest below him moves in a chuckle. "You got that right, Meds." Jesse, it's Jesse, still there from where he'd settled down after the first panic attack earlier, he's the one he's curled into. He sounds hoarse, stunned as well, like he can't quite process what exactly's going on.
Kix knows how he feels.
Literally, he realises after a moment. There's a sense in the room, almost foggy and damp, and registering it nearly sends him spiralling right back down again, because this isn't right he's defective the Generals know he's going to be sent back to Kamino he'll never see his vod'e again-
He shakes himself a little, leaning further into Jesse. Count the heartbeats, he thinks, remembering General Skywalker's instructions on the field- instructions for Force Sensitives, apparently, maybe even something the Jedi did for their own Cadets, a way to calm them down when things were too loud- and tries his best to breathe.
Rex is the one running his hand down his back, leaning a little onto his shoulder, and the Captain sounds concerned when he speaks. "Are you ok, Kix?"
"What do you think, Captain." He snaps back, shaking.
"Stupid question, then." Rex doesn't sound insulted, at least. "Better one; what are you going to do?"
And isn't that just the lynchpin in all this.
"I don't know." He whispers.
He has no idea what he should do. He has no idea what he even can do. The vod'e aren't supposed to be Force Sensitive, they're clones, Prime wasn't Force Sensitive either so they can't be, and they can't be Jedi either, Jedi are… Jedi, for Prime's sake. He can't be a Jedi.
But General Skywalker says he needs to be trained, or he'll hurt himself. General Kenobi agrees with him. The General had offered to train him himself, so that he wouldn't need to leave his vod'e in the 501st behind, and he'd also promised that the Jedi Temple would find someone to train him if he preferred that. The General had said that he'd teach him whatever he wanted, even if that was only enough to keep himself and others safe, and he'd not been offended when Kix had snapped at him, and both of them had told him to take as much time as he needed to make his decision about things.
He'd seemed honest. He'd seemed good.
Kix doesn't know if he trusts him.
He should, the Generals are Jedi, the clones were made for the Jedi, he should trust them to be honest and good. But growing up on Kamino had taught him thoroughly that people lied, they couldn't be trusted, only the vod'e could ever be trusted to be honest and help each other because there was no-one else.
The Generals hadn't known about decommissioning.
They'd all assumed the Jedi knew, because the Jedi had ordered them and they were made for the Jedi so of course the Jedi knew about decommissioning. Of course they knew about the defective clones that had to be gotten rid of, because they weren't fast enough or strong enough or smart enough-
Or because they had the wrong coloured hair or eyes or spoke too loudly or too quietly couldn't keep track of social cues were born female were born looking male but said too obviously that they were something else-
Of course they knew about all of that, because they were the ones that ordered them.
But General Skywalker hadn't known about the decommissionings. That could be excused, they knew he was still young, only recently promoted from being a Jedi Commander. Maybe they weren't telling their Commanders about things like that.
General Kenobi, though? High General Kenobi, a member of the Jedi's Council and the person in charge of the entire Third Systems Fleet? For him not to know meant that they were probably telling the truth, that none of the Jedi knew.
What else didn't they know about Kamino?
"Kix?"
"I don't know what to do." He says again. "I don't…"
"Hey, it's alright." Jesse shrugs, knocking his head from where he's resting against his chest still. Kix flushes a little, because he hadn't meant to keep clinging to the Scout, but doesn't move. It's helpful, feeling people there. "General Skywalker said you could take some time to choose, right? So you've got time."
"Until the General decides I'm taking too long and makes it for me."
Because clones don't get to make decisions, they don't get choices.
Rex makes a small sound. "You know…" He sounds contemplative. "I don't actually think he'd do that?"
"Really?" That's Commander Cody, who Kix had completely forgotten was the other vod in the room, kriff- "How come?"
"Just a feeling." Kix hears Rex shift in a shrug of his own. "I… can't really say for sure, but after all of this? I don't- I think the General means exactly what he said. That you can pick where you want to go to learn, and who you learn from."
It's baffling. The idea that he'd actually get to choose? Impossible.
But General Skywalker had listened, when he said he didn't want to go back to Kamino. Even when he hadn't known about decommissioning and what being Force Sensitive on Kamino would mean, he'd accepted that Kix didn't want to go back to Kamino. He'd offered to let him stay on the Resolute with his vod'e.
"What about General Kenobi?" Jesse asks. "He's General Skywalker's commander, right? What if he ordered him to? Or if their Council did?"
"I get the feeling General Skywalker would fight General Kenobi on that." Rex admits, after a long breath of tense silence.
"I think they'd both fight the Council." Commander Cody adds. "They… you're right, that there's a feeling to them both, that they meant it."
Another tense breath.
"They didn't know about decommissionings." Kix whispers, because that's the point that's still stuck in his head. They didn't know that clones were being taken away and killed for being defective- didn't know about vod'e like '28 who'd failed too many sims and been taken away and never come back- they didn't know.
"We should go talk to the Generals." Rex says slowly. "Give them a report so they can report to the Council."
"They left. Would they want to be interrupted?" Jesse points out. "Might be that they're planning to bring it up in person, or something."
"We could…" Commander Cody stops. Swallows, from the sound of it. Hesitates, and then tries again. "We could comm them and ask?"
And that feels wrong, too, a violation; they're only clones, why would the Generals care, they should sit down and wait for the Generals to come and ask them to talk, they shouldn't interrupt the Generals when they obviously left to do something else, they're only clones and there's no reason for them to even bother to answer…
Kix gets the feeling that either of their Generals would answer a comm from any of them, even if it was the middle of a rest period.
"Go for it." Kix suggests. "Worst comes to worst, they'll just give you a time to go speak to them, right?"
Only a few hours ago it would've been worst comes to worst you'll be sent to decom and that's entirely different, but suddenly things have shifted and it's like being in an unfamiliar sim, all of them scrabbling to gather information but not knowing where any of the boundaries are.
"What about you, Meds?" Jesse asks. "You gonna be ok?"
He shrugs. "I don't know. Still." Being offered training by the General… that was still something he needs to think about, because he doesn't understand why they'd bother. He's only a clone, after all, even if he is Force Sensitive. And the fact that the General had offered one of these 'bond' things was…
He has no idea what those are. He has no frame of reference to even begin getting an idea of what those are. But from what he understood of the conversation- the little blaster bolts that were dropped in around all the bombs- General Skywalker and General Kenobi had one, which probably meant that they were important to the Jedi.
Wait, no, there'd also been the mentions of 'Padawan' and 'pair' bonds, which again meant pretty much nothing, but apparently they needed Council oversight to set up.
Kix has reached the point where he's just very confused and would like to stop thinking about things, but unfortunately he should probably figure out what he wants to do before General Skywalker gets sick of shielding for him.
"I'd rather stay here." He admits quietly. "And… I think I'd rather learn from General Skywalker than anyone else. At least then I could stay here. If I went to learn from someone else, I'd need to leave, and they'd have to let them in on everything, and that'd risk it getting out."
And Kix doesn't want that, not just for his own safety but for any other Force Sensitive vod'e that might be around. He has no idea if there are any more, or if they'd even be found, but if they are he doesn't want it to be because the Generals told another General and it somehow got back to Kamino.
"Then I guess you tell the General that you're staying." Jesse shrugs again. "So the Captain and Commander can go comm the Generals, see if they're planning to talk, you can comm General Skywalker and tell him what you're doing, and then everything's all good."
The irreverence from the Scout is actually calming, for all that it's not that simple.
"Now, you planning to let me up anytime, Meds?"
...And there's the Jesse he knows.
Flushing a little, he pushes himself back, knocking Rex's arm away in the process. His head is still pounding, the long conversation full of information not helping matters, and for a moment he presses the ball of his palm into his eyes to try and relieve some of the tension. Not that anything but sleep is likely to help, and that's aggrieving, because he knows that there's people in the medbay that need his help- he's the CMO, and what sort of example does that set that he got taken out in his first battle and couldn't even help afterwards?
It's almost enough to make him want to push out of the bunk and leave, but given that the Generals both recommended resting, he's probably not going to get away with that. "I should… probably try and sleep." He grimaces, opening his eyes. "I can try and talk with General Skywalker later, but I should probably avoid doing something that'll make this worse." The General had told him to rest, and not given him much to actually avoid, which was irritating, but he could figure it out as he went. At the very least, probably just staying in bed until the migraine was gone would help.
Everyone is staring at him.
"...Is something wrong?"
"Why the kriff are your eyes slitted."
"...What."
Both General Skywalker and General Kenobi had insisted that they be here for this meeting. Rex didn't really understand why, because Cody would be able to handle it well enough and General Skywalker wasn't even supposed to be in a Council meeting, but he reports to the holocomm room they were using as ordered.
It didn't really make sense to him that either of them were there; they were only clones, and they'd already told their Generals everything about decommissioning that they knew, so there wasn't really a reason for them to be there when the Jedi Council heard about it. But they'd been told to, so here they were, even if Rex really wanted to be down there checking over the rest of his troopers.
Cody was just as stiff at attention next to him, just as tense and uncomfortable with everything, and he knew his vod felt the same way.
"Councillors." General Kenobi greets, as the last of the holoprojectors flicker to life in front of them. Technically, they should be on the bridge; it has the most space and the best projectors, so the meetings could be held properly. But General Kenobi had insisted on this being private, and General Skywalker had found them a smaller holocomm room that would work for that.
"Master Kenobi." General Windu returns, giving him a stern look with a slightly raised eyebrow. "I have a headache, and I assume it's your fault."
"They aren't always my fault, Mace, no matter how much you believe that."
General Skywalker coughs lightly into his fist. "Technically, Master, this one probably is our fault."
"Not now Anakin!"
General Yoda taps his stick against the floor.
"Anyway." General Kenobi stands straighter. "Before we get to anything else, Anakin and I have an… uncomfortable report to make."
One of the Councillors, a Nautolan- and kriff Rex cannot remember their name-, raises an eye ridge. "Is that why you have two clones with you?"
"Yeah."
General Kenobi brushes an elbow against General Skywalker. "Which does bring us to the first point; how many of you currently have clone troopers nearby?"
"Most of us, I believe." An Iktotch, General Tiin, says slowly. "Given that those of us on ships are taking this call from the bridge."
"An issue, this is?"
"Not exactly…" General Kenobi hedges, though he sends a look back at Rex and Cody as though looking for confirmation. "But it does mean that I need to send an apology to any of them that are in earshot now."
"Kenobi…" General Windu warns.
"Allow me to introduce to you all the extremely terrible day that I've been having, starting with telling you about decommissioning."
Silence, aside from the sounds of someone dropping something in the background of one of the comms- from the way the Nautolan looks over, it's a trooper on their end. Rex hopes they don't get into trouble for that.
"Would you care to elaborate." The Tholothian female asks flatly, her… are they lekku or just tendrils on a Tholothian? Rex can't remember- whatever-they-are twitching in a way that makes him think of the soft skinned floaters on Kamino.
"Not really."
General Kenobi elbows General Skywalker again.
"That is primarily why Commander Cody and Captain Rex were invited along." He explains. "They were the ones to explain the situation to us, after an… incident occurred on the battlefield that lead to it being revealed."
"An incident?"
"One of the troopers was affected by a migraine near the end of the battle." General Skywalker tells General Windu. "I found them not long later, and when we were discussing it the term came up. Captain Rex was able to explain it to me in brief, and then I found Obi-Wan and Commander Cody and got the full story."
General Kenobi turns, beckoning them forward with a tilt of his head, and after a moment's hesitation Rex follows Cody forwards so that they're standing in front of the holocomm, each of their Generals at the side.
"Sirs." He salutes.
"Captain. Commander." That's the Kel Dor, General Plo Koon, sounding… odd. Rex isn't sure if it's the holocomm or just how a Kel Dor normally sounds, but something about his voice doesn't quite sound right.
It's probably just normal. Not like Rex has met many Kel Dor before, after all.
"Would you be willing to give us the same explanation you gave to Master Kenobi and Knight Skywalker?"
"Yessir."
Cody starts speaking almost immediately after Rex is finished nodding, and from behind his helmet he can't help but send his vod a look. It's not like he needs protecting, here. If the Generals are displeased with what they hear he's got no defence, and Cody trying to help him would just get both of them in trouble.
"On Kamino, clones that are considered to be 'defective' for various reasons are slated for decommissioning. Normally this is failure to meet the standards in simulations; low blaster scores or an inability to complete a standard run." Cody pauses. Breathes. "And sometimes it's for physical mutations, times when a clone comes out imperfect compared to the Prime. Some of them are decommissioned immediately, while others are allowed to train in order to see if the mutation would cause further defects."
General Skywalker shifts. Rex has never been so aware of his blond hair, no matter how closely he shaves it to keep it from being noticed.
"And decommissioning means…" The young Human-or-near female… General Billaba, he thinks, trails off, raising a hand to her mouth. Even through the holo, she looks pale.
"Exactly what you think it does." General Kenobi states solemnly.
General Yoda's ears are near flat, making two points out from the side of his head. General Tiin and General Mundi are both frowning deeply. General Windu is rubbing his forehead. The Tholothian and Nautolan Generals tendrils are both shifting; the Tholothian's near-still with only slight, sharp shifts, and the Nautolan's twining around themselves in a way that almost looks painful. General Koth has fangs bared in a threat display that almost makes Rex flinch back, and the Thisspias is… hard to read, but they keep moving slightly as well, struggling to sit still. General Ti's lekku seem washed out even through the comm, and are twitching in long ripples all the way down them. She also has a sharp not-a-smile on her face, nose scrunched up like she's smelling something distasteful.
General Plo Koon is no longer in frame.
The sheer unexpectedness of that fact brings Rex's thoughts slamming to a halt, and for a moment he just stares at the empty holocomm frame where the General should be.
A voice- distant and quiet but definitely familiar that's Wolffe's voice- breaks the stunned silence that the Council has fallen into.
"General? Is something wrong?"
"We're setting a new course for Kamino."
"General-?"
"I am going to set it on fire."
"General-!?"
"Plo Koon!" General Ti becomes the next person to break the silence, seemingly glaring at General Plo Koon's empty holocomm frame. "Absolutely not!"
"Shaak, perhaps you should calm down-"
"I will not." General Ti snarls at General Koth, and Rex actually does flinch this time, because there was a Togrutan trainer who sounded exactly like that- General Skywalker steps a little closer as she continues, "And Plo Koon, you will not be setting Kamino on fire because I am going to do it first-!"
"Technically, Anakin was the first person to decide he was setting Kamino on fire, so he should be the one to get to do it first." General Kenobi puts in, the tone of voice implying that he's trying to be helpful.
"Shut up Kenobi!" Someone hisses.
General Plo Koon- who'd returned to his frame at some point- snaps something in a high pitched, squeaky voice that makes Rex stare again, and General Ti responds the exact same way, leading to a back and forth of high pitched… presumably it's a language of some kind, the tone and posture making him think it's an argument. It's mostly high pitched squeaks, interspersed with occasional deeper tones that almost make Rex startle at how odd they sound, and it's incredibly strange to be watching because he thought the Jedi were supposed to be calm and reserved?-
General Kenobi reaches out and taps at the data screen for a moment. The audio from Generals Ti and Plo Koon cuts out, and General Kenobi says, "I do apologise about this, but they may be a while."
General Skywalker looks to be in shock, Rex thinks, when he finally takes his eyes away from the arguing Jedi Generals.
"It's… fine, sir." Cody replies, also sounding shocked. Rex certainly can't blame him for that. He's not totally certain what he's feeling right now but it's definitely not calm.
General Skywalker nudges all of them out of the way with gentle touches, reaches for the datapad, and undoes whatever General Kenobi had done. "How about-" He says loudly, over the top of both Generals, "We get through this war, take all the clones off of Kamino, and then ask them if they want to firebomb the cities into the ocean and burn the planet or if they'd prefer we do it."
General Ti's lekku twitch in surprise, while General Plo Koon looks… almost unruffled, though there's a slight hint around him that suggests he's embarrassed.
"That is a good point, Knight Skywalker." General Ti says, shuffling like she's seating herself again. "My apologies."
"And mine as well, both to the Council and to the troopers." General Plo Koon looks away for a moment, past the holocomm, and bows. "I am sorry if I concerned you."
"It's… fine, General?" Wolffe replies, and Rex has never heard him sound so stunned. If the situation was anything less tense he'd store it for blackmail material.
"What are we going to do?" General Billaba, again, sounding distressed. One hand is pressed against her chest, just below the base of her throat, and the other is tugging at the bottom of one of the loops of her hair.
"Master Ti, you're the ranking Jedi assigned to Kamino." General Windu states, still with one hand on his forehead. He looks pained, but still focused. "Could you begin investigating?"
"Certainly, Master Windu." General Ti still looks dangerous, sharp edges and a glint in her black eyes that made him wary. "The Kaminoans have been… difficult, but I am certain that I can keep things in hand."
"Good." General Windu nods. "Then we will begin with that."
"If I may, Masters?" General Kenobi interrupts. "It might be an idea to ensure that the Kaminoans understand exactly what sort of standards the Jedi work towards."
"Volunteering, are you?" General Yoda asks, one ear twitching up. General Kenobi bows.
"If that is the will of the Council, then I will certainly go and ensure that the Kaminoans are aware of our thoughts on the matter." The General says.
"I think it would also be a good idea to go to our troopers." The Nautolan Councillor- Rex still can't remember their name- adds on. "And assure them that this was not authorised."
"I agree." The Tholothian nods. "Perhaps we should depart for now, and get to work on that?"
"Quite." General Windu disconnects without fanfare, and the rest of the Council exchange bows and disconnect themselves.
"...did we even get to the point of the meeting?" General Skywalker asks, after a few more seconds of surprised silence.
"I don't believe we did." General Kenobi hums. "Oh dear, a shame. I suppose they'll have to send a message around with whatever else they needed to speak about."
Both of the Generals turn to look at them, and Rex nearly flinches again at the look in General Kenobi's eyes. It's sharp and wild, with a small grin he'd almost call feral accompanying it. He's impressed Cody manages to bear the full force of the look without flinching.
"Well, Commander, it appears we have our orders." He continues. "We'll have to find the time to head over to Kamino so I can educate the Kaminoans on the expected standards."
"Assuming Master Ti doesn't get there first."
"Oh, she wouldn't dare." General Kenobi's grin gets a little sharper, somehow. "She knows who's better with words between the two of us. She'll likely join me for the meeting, couching it as a measure to make sure everything is properly covered- that's why it was delayed, you see, so that the Council could make sure they knew everything they needed- but I'll likely be the one to do most of the talking."
"...Sometimes, Master, you're scary." General Skywalker says, with an impressed look. "Good luck with that, though, it sounds like it's going to be a pain."
"Likely, yes." General Kenobi gestures towards the door. "I believe I will be endeavouring to remove ourselves to Kamino. Best to get the misunderstandings out of the way."
"We can hold down the fort until you get back, Master." General Skywalker promises. "I've got full faith that you won't take long, anyway."
General Kenobi's return grin feels like hope.
Anakin glances up from his datapad at the sound of a knock on the door. "Come in!"
Dealing with this'll be a good distraction from the flimsiwork he's been dealing with since Obi-Wan left for Kamino two days ago, he thinks. Better than spending his time worrying about the trip his Master's on, or about the troopers that were still recovering from the last bout of combat. They'd done incredibly well to work with the 212th, and the Separatists hadn't come back yet, but it was likely only a matter of time. The troopers needed that time to rest.
Speak of the Sith, Anakin thinks wryly, seeing Kix on the other side of the door. "Medic Kix, come in."
"General." The CMO salutes, making his way in- and revealing Lieutenant Jesse behind him, lurking in the shadows. Anakin beckons for the Lieutenant to come in as well, assuming that he's likely there for a reason, and gestures to the couch he'd managed to get into his office area.
"Take a seat, I just want to finish this up and I'll be right with you."
"Sir."
Anakin speeds his way through the file on the pad- it's nothing difficult, fortunately, just reviewing supply requisitions and he trusts Captain Rex to be getting that right, but he's also the one that needs to sign off on things and that means reading his way through the info. Given the amount of trust the Captain had put into Anakin the other day, standing in front of the Council to give a report, Anakin owes it to the man to do his best by the troopers- and signs it off before heading over to the seating area.
Kix and Jesse are sitting a little apart on the couch, looking somewhat awkward in their armour. They're perching a little, too, like they're not sure they're allowed to be sitting there- Anakin thinks for a moment of himself, all of nine years old and terrified to sit on the chairs in the common area unless Obi-Wan had told him to directly, before brushing it to the side and into the box of reasons to burn down Kamino- so he smiles at them reassuringly and pushes a little of that into the Force as well.
"So what can I do for you two?"
"Sir." Kix starts, sounding nervous. "I wanted to know… I was hoping you could tell me more about this training you were talking about."
"Oh, sure!" Anakin grins. "I'm assuming you're alright with Jesse hearing this, since he's here?"
"Captain told me to keep an eye on him, General." The Scout explains. "So unless you're telling me to leave, I'll be staying."
"If Kix- is that alright?" He pauses, suddenly. "I thought it might be a good idea to get rid of the titles some, if we're talking about something that we're keeping off the records, but if that's not ok…?"
"That's fine, General."
"Anakin." He corrects, then gentles at the spike of fright-worry-discomfort. "Or just Skywalker, if you'd rather. But no titles." Both of them nod, not looking all that much reassured. "Anyway, if Kix is fine with you sticking around, then sure, but if he's not I'm going to be kicking you out now."
"He might as well stay, si- Skywalker." The amount that Kix winces at even that slight level of informality is as impressive as it is saddening, so he lets the near-slip slide. "He already knows everything, after all."
"Also I have questions."
Kix rolls his eyes. "And you have questions."
It's nice to see the troopers somewhat relaxed and acting like friends, even if they do both wince a second later like they just remembered that they weren't supposed to be doing that. Anakin just smiles a little more.
"Questions are fine. Force knows I had a lot of them when I first came to the Temple." Well, once he'd gotten over his fear that he'd be punished for asking them, which had taken a while and was yet another unwanted similarity between situations. "So, training. Anything specifically?"
"Just… generally, I think." Kix hesitates. "I don't… there's not a lot taught about Jedi anything, in the training we get on Kamino. We know you use the Force, and that you're a bit… mystical… but other than that there's not a lot of information on what the Force actually does."
Anakin winces. "That bad, huh… alright, thank you for telling me. I'll have to speak to Obi-Wan, maybe see if the Council'll do something about that…" Reaching out, he calls his comm over to him from the desk and sends his Master a message about that. He could sort it out with the Council, maybe get Master Ti to do it on Kamino.
He glances up, and grins a little more at the wide-eyed look both troopers have. "So, the Force is… essentially an energy. You can use it to lift things, push and pull things around, sense danger, see the future, feel emotions in things around you, heal…"
"It's a healing tool?"
"Thought you might find that interesting." He admits. "Force Healing is… difficult, it's not a discipline I've got much experience in, but yeah, it's a thing we can do. I was planning on looking into getting some teaching modules for myself, see if I can learn enough to help you all out in the medbay. I'll pass along what I can to you. Obi-Wan's got a friend who's a healer, too, so I'll be talking to her about it. She might be willing to teach you- only if you want to tell her. If you don't we'll… figure something else out. Maybe just have you around while I'm learning from her, or something."
Anakin waves slightly. "But yeah, the Force does… pretty much anything, honestly. You're pretty much only restrained by your imagination, and also things like your understanding of physics. The hardest thing for me to get used to was the fact that anything I knew about physics could be completely undermined by the Force."
"I see."
"Yeah, you might, but trust me, there's knowing you can break physics, and then there's lifting up a several ton pile of metal with only your mind." Anakin laughs knowingly. "You get used to it eventually, sure, but until then? It's mad."
"You said something about shields the other day as well." Jesse puts forward, leaning a little. "What's that all about?"
"Basically, shields are what you think they are, around your mind. You build shields, and they stop you from being able to hear things in the Force quite as loudly." Anakin tells him. "It's like a defence. People who're Force Sensitive can hear emotions, and shields keep that from getting overwhelming."
"Can you elaborate more on that?" Kix asks. He's frowning pretty deeply, narrow eyed and focused, which makes Anakin smile more. "How does that work?"
"Not going to lie, no idea." He admits. "But… hm. You can hear- or feel, or read, or whatever, people use different terms for the thing, it's down to personal preference. But you can pick that up from anyone. They don't need to be Force Sensitive, it's just something that people do, and Force Sensitives can pick up on that stuff. Shields make it easier to ignore, because… it's like deflecting blasterfire, I guess? A literal shield that stops the emotions coming through. It doesn't totally block it though, not unless you're shielding really heavily, which is a bad idea- I'll explain that later- but it does make it easier to handle. The shields help filter out what you're feeling from what other people are, for instance, and they can make it so that you don't even notice the ones that'd be on the edge of your unshielded range. You can adjust the shields to be able to pick things up better, though." He shrugs. "It's a bit complicated, even though it's really simple. Oh, shields also work the other way, in that they make it so your emotions don't project as much, either. And you don't need to be Force Sensitive for that, either… maybe I should run meditation classes or something, teach people to shield so that things aren't as bad for any other Force Sensitives we pick up…"
He makes a note for that on his comm, and then pauses and sends the idea on to Obi-Wan as well. His Master won't see it until he gets to Kamino, but at least then he'll have all of the ideas Anakin's come up with to look over instead of thinking about how much he wants to ruin the Kaminoans.
"So I need to learn to shield?" Kix hums. "Didn't you say that was what I was already doing, Gen- sir- Skywalker." The man huffs slightly, sounding frustrated.
"Sort of, but not quite? It's… ok, so what you were doing was less shielding and more hiding, I guess? Shielding lets things through, and it does it both ways. You can make it not do that, but you shouldn't, because if you're Force Sensitive not feeling the Force is going to make you feel terrible. You can block emotions out almost entirely, but it's not going to feel right; you'll be almost constantly unbalanced, for instance, and it tends to also mess with your use of the Force itself, because you're blocking so much of it." Anakin hedges. "Sorry, it's hard to explain. Um… ok, so I can feel most of the people on the ship because they're projecting. I'm ignoring it, because it's kind of impolite to actually pay proper attention to that sort of thing, but it's not… gah."
"Pointing it out is rude, but noticing it is just something that happens and it's not really something you can help?" Jesse offers, sounding intrigued.
"Yes! That works, thank you. It's normal to be able to overhear emotions, but actually pointing it out tends to be rude unless you're trying to explain it."
"Like the other day, you and General Kenobi pointed out that we were broadcasting to explain why you were going along with what we were saying about Kamino." Kix realises.
"Exactly. We can notice it, we can't really not notice it, but unless it's important to the conversation then we're not going to point it out." Anakin nods firmly. "But yeah, shielding means that you'll be blocking things off enough to not get overwhelmed, but not so much that you're off balance. What you were doing was cutting yourself completely off from the Force to the point where you didn't even know you were Force Sensitive; fine at the time, but now you're aware that's not going to work."
"So shielding."
"So shielding." He agrees. "I can still hold mine for you for a bit longer, but after a while it gets… odd. And also has risks because you're not really supposed to hold shields for someone else for that long. Normally if this happens at the Temple they rotate out who's helping with the shields, but we don't have that as an option, so I've just got to somehow get you good enough at shielding that you can handle yourself fine before it hits the risky point."
"Risky how?"
"Migraines, mostly, because shields aren't actually supposed to stretch. Also the chance of weird shit happening like spontaneous Force Bonds which happen too quickly and cause problems, or shields just shattering under the strain of being held like that. Shields are meant to be solid defences with a set shape, so lending them out like this stretches them to the point that they can get fragile." Anakin's aren't quite there yet, because even for a Jedi his shields are a bit insane, but he's not kidding about needing to get Kix started soon. As much as he wouldn't've pushed the Medic to make a decision about what he wants to do, at some point in the next day or so he would have had to go start pushing for shield training, just to make sure his shields don't shatter.
"What are Force Bonds?" Jesse asks, frowning. "You mentioned something about pair bonds and Padawan bonds the other day…"
Anakin notes absently that Jesse doesn't seem to be having as much trouble with the 'ditch the titles' thing, which is interesting. Maybe he's just naturally more irreverent.
"Pair bonds and Padawan bonds are subsets of Force Bonds. Force Bonds are the catch-all term for… connections, essentially, in the Force. You're linked, it's a connection that goes between your shields- you can block them, but they're not affected in the same way by your normal shields as everything else is. It's a way to pass emotions back and forth between people, or even hold full conversations if your bond is strong enough and you're physically close enough." Anakin explains. "And there's different types, though there's not actually a lot of difference in what they do? They're just called different things, mostly. Crèche bonds are formed with your crèche clan at the Temple when you're young, and also with the Crèchemaster so they can keep an eye on the Younglings better. Padawan bonds are formed in front of the Council between a Master and their Padawan, and pair bonds are just the sort of thing you form with your fellows. A lot of Crèche bonds become pair bonds, and as far as I can tell there's no difference? I'd have to ask Obi-Wan, though, I don't have any of those."
"Why not?"
"I didn't grow up in the Temple." He shrugs. "Was found by Obi-Wan and his Master when I was nine, so I missed the chance to join a clan and all that. I've got a few pair bonds, but none of them were Crèche bonds first." Mostly he had Aayla, and Obi-Wan, but that was fine, it worked.
"You said these bonds help with sorting things out." Jesse continues, after apparently thinking on that for a minute. "Would they make it easier to do the whole shielding thing?"
"Yes and no? They're helpful for balancing yourself, since you can draw on other people's calm through the bonds so long as they're not blocking you, but they're not going to inherently help with learning to shield other than that. Might be harder, actually, because you'd need to learn how to block the bond as well as shield normally, which is different."
"I see." Jesse looks somewhat downtrodden at that, and Kix apparently notices it too, since he sends the Scout a startled look.
"Jesse-"
"If it was going help, Meds, I'd do it in a heartbeat." Jesse retorts. "What's having your sorry backside stuck in my head compared to keeping you from going totally nuts and having to get shipped off to Kamino because there's no other choice."
Anakin leans back slightly, suddenly getting it. He hadn't realised Kix and Jesse were that close; the Scout had been keeping an eye on the Medic on the battlefield, and he'd not hesitated when Anakin had called him over to help with the redirection, but he'd thought that that was just because… well, Anakin was giving orders. He hadn't known they were that close to each other.
Apparently, neither had Kix. "Jesse…"
"Eh, it's fine. Not like it's gonna be relevant until you can get the shielding thing working, is it?" He waves a hand like he can just brush away any argument, and Anakin decides he likes Jesse.
"I could form a bond with you." Anakin offers, and feels a little guilty when both of them startle. He hadn't realised it was that easy for them to forget he was in the room- it's a little concerning, though he hopes it's just a sign that he's stopped being as much of a source of possible danger to them. "But it'd be up to you to decide. It would help a bit with the shield building- you'll need to learn meditation, first, and being able to draw on some of my own calm would help, and it'll make it easier for me to monitor you and see how you're progressing with it- but also you'll have to rely entirely on me shielding the bond for you."
Kix hesitates. Anakin doesn't let himself feel offended by that at all, because it makes sense for him to be wary of the bond. It's a direct connection to a superior officer that up until recently he had every reason to be wary about potentially getting him killed. It's depressing, but that's the way it is, and Anakin needs to accept that.
"How would it work, sir?"
"I'd have to be the one forming the bond, but you'll be able to feel exactly what I'm doing. I'll handle it, don't worry. It's not difficult; just a case of reaching your mind towards mine and creating a path between them." He says, not bothering to correct him this time. "It won't take long at all."
"And it'll help."
"It'll be helpful, yes. I'll be more likely to notice if you're in danger or pain, and you'll be able to do the same to me."
Kix exhales shakily. "Ok. Sir."
"Breathe, then, and close your eyes." He waits for the trooper to do so, then leans forward and takes his hands. "Physical contact makes this sort of thing easier." He explains when he jolts a little. "It helps you to focus on the person you're working with."
Anakin is well aware that Jesse was watching them closely from the side, but puts it out of his mind. It isn't important, since it's not like the trooper can actually see what's going on, and he closes his own eyes and reaching out.
With his shields still wrapped around Kix's, it's not hard to reach his mind towards the trooper's, even though they're still unfamiliar with each other. The physical proximity helps too, though the fact that Kix is so nervous makes it a little difficult for him to stay steady; part of Anakin instinctively wants to draw back. It wouldn't help, of course, so he forces himself not to recoil, instead brushing his mind lightly against Kix's to draw his attention over.
It takes at least a minute for Kix to calm down again after that, the initial startle and shield-flex impressing him. Anakin just stays where he is, letting Kix get used to the feel of another mind pressing near his, and then draws himself closer again.
Making a bond is an indescribable process. Anakin went through a lot of books in the Archives- one of the few times he's ever seriously searched there- after Obi-Wan failed to give him a good one, but was eventually forced to admit that his Master was right. There's no real way to describe the feel of wrapping a part of your mind around someone else's, drawing out a line to form a connection between the two of you and solidifying it as something real.
He makes sure to move slowly, though, because Kix isn't used to this kind of contact. Honestly, Anakin realises now that it probably would've been better to teach Kix to shield first, get him used to mental contact with another, and then offer him the bond.
But he's always been a bit impulsive.
Not impulsive enough to risk karking this up, though, so he makes sure to take an extra long time settling the bond into place. Doing it for himself is fine, he's done it before, but making sure it settles into Kix's mind properly requires a bit more work, since he's only ever seen someone settle a bond. The Force doesn't call out any warnings, which makes him believe it's fine, but he makes sure to brush around it a little more before retreating back.
For the sake of testing it, Anakin reaches out, pressing a gentle greetings-calm-welcoming along it. Kix startles again, both physically and mentally, a little jolt of shock-surprise rippling back, before turning pensive for a moment. It takes a few seconds, but a return ripple of wariness-uncertainty-greetings makes its own way back.
Anakin sighs quietly, opening his eyes again and letting go of Kix's hands. "There we go." He smiles. "It'll take a little while to settle completely, but once it does we'll be able to reach out to each other a lot more easily. How far our range is depends on a lot of things, we won't know exactly how far it'll be for… a pretty long time, but once it's settled we'll probably be able to reach out to each other from pretty much anywhere on the ship."
"Sounds useful, sir." Kix replies quietly, with a little frown.
"You'll get used to it, I promise. And stop with the 'sir' thing." Anakin moves his gaze to Jesse, who's lounging on his side of the seat and watching them both with sharp eyes. "Jesse?"
"Couple of questions." He says. "What's the sort of range like with someone who's not Force Sensitive? If you two could have the entire ship as your playground…"
"I… don't know." Anakin shrugs, sitting back again once he's sure he's not going to suddenly need to grab Kix again or something. "I've not got any of them myself, and… well, it depends on how powerful you are, really? Or at least your power helps. Plus if you're close friends it's more likely to stretch further than if you just kind of connected but don't really interact all that much outside of that." He glances at Kix. "You two might be able to reach each other anywhere on the ship, or you might be confined to only across the bridge. It'll depend. It'll never be anywhere near as good as a bond with another Force Sensitive- not in a bad way, it's just that two Force Sensitives can reach further since both halves are using the Force to maintain the bond. If Kix and I end up fairly close, it might be possible that we could reach across battlefields to speak to each other, or push emotions along the bond over entire planets worth of distance."
Both troopers startle a little, and Anakin chuckles. "I could've reached Obi-Wan pretty much no problem during the entire battle. I used comms because it's less distracting but I could've done it fine."
"Interesting…" Jesse's eyes have gone calculating again, something like durasteel lining his gaze, and Anakin can see perfectly well why Captain Rex would want him leading Torrent about. "Next question."
"Shoot."
"Don't suppose your mysterious Force kark can explain why Kix over there has slitted eyes?"
"...He what."
Jesse nods, expression and emotions shifting from calculating to concerned in an instant. "We only noticed it after you left, but yeah. Did a bit of poking, once he woke up from the migraine naps, and they aren't always slitted. Figure no-one noticed cause he was stressing out, they look almost normal when he does."
Anakin bites down on his lip for a moment, then leans forward and reaches out again. "Let me see?"
"I've been trying to hide it." Kix admits, going still. "Avoiding eye contact, mostly, but also… I figured if I could use the Force to hide from other Force Sensitives I might be able to use it to hide this?"
Anakin stares.
"That's what that is." He realises, when Kix flushes darkly. "Kriffing Sith, Kix, that's incredible. I've never felt anything like that."
"But you noticed?"
"I noticed there was something about you trying to keep me from focusing right, I figured it was just your shields coming back up some. You only know the one kind, after all, so it'd make sense that any shields you recovered before learning how to shield properly would be that sort. I was just ignoring it." Anakin explains. "I'm going to have to ask you to explain how you did that sometime, Force above that could be helpful. Can you make it stop?"
"I… think so?" Kix abruptly looks worried. "I didn't really check…"
That brings Anakin crashing back to reality. "Right, ok, it's not usually that hard. It really is just a case of focusing on not doing whatever it is you're doing. Force use can be pretty instinctive at times, like you're doing right now, so just focusing on not doing it should- exactly." He cuts himself off mid-sentence as the slight haziness he'd been feeling from around Kix went away. "There you go. Now, do you mind?"
"I guess not?" Kix shifts forward as well, letting Anakin catch his chin gently in one hand and look at his eyes. Just like Jesse said, the pupils were slitted, almost like a tooka's, and they expanded out the same way when his eyes widened slightly.
"I've got nothing." He admits after a few minutes, letting the medic go. "I'd have to ask a Healer to take a look to see if anything's actually changed, though we might be able to do some tests already. Have you noticed anything?"
"I'm not sure…?" Kix frowns, leaning back again. "We'd have to check."
"They look kinda similar to a tooka's with how they're slit." Anakin observes. "Maybe we could try seeing what's different about tooka eyes to Human ones and see if any of that matches up?"
"Seems like a good place to start."
"When were you planning on starting the shield training, sir?" Jesse asks, then frowns darkly. "Stang it, I was doing so well…"
Anakin laughs, which makes the Scout blush. "Whenever Kix has time, I guess. It'll be better if it's sooner rather than later, just to keep things from getting problematic and making my shields shatter or something."
Kix pales and winces. "That wouldn't be good."
"Not really, no."
"Could we start now?" He queries. "If getting started sooner would be better…"
Anakin frowns, sending a look over to his desk and mentally running through the datapads. Some of the stuff on their had to be dealt with fairly soon, but it was nothing so vital that he couldn't take an hour or two away from it…
"Sure, though you're probably not going to want to be in your armour. Finding a comfortable position to hold in meditation's hard enough, I don't want to imagine how much more it'd be in armour." He suggests. "Take a bit to go change, then either you can come back here or I can go over to you somewhere else?"
He sends a small flicker of reassurance-calm-it's no bother along their bond, and Kix seems to brace himself on it. "I could always leave it here, sir, if you don't mind me taking over a corner or something for it."
Anakin smiles encouragingly, waving a hand. "Go ahead." It's good to see that Kix has managed to relax enough to do that- maybe the Force Bond is helping, or maybe it's just the events of the last two days finally settling enough that he's starting to trust instead.
"Mind if I join?" Jesse puts in from the side. He's got one hand on a shoulder piece when Anakin glances over, and he's looking between him and Kix like he's not sure who he should be directing his question at. Anakin looks to Kix, who shrugs a little.
"Shields are pretty much always helpful, so sure, go for it."
Anakin stands and goes back to his desk for a few minutes while the two of them pile up their armour, using the act of tidying things up a bit for later to cover his frantic searching of his memories. He's never had to teach meditation from scratch before, and his memories of Obi-Wan teaching him are blurred with over a decade's worth of time, but he thinks he can remember enough of traditional meditation methods to at least get them started today.
When Obi-Wan gets back he can pick his brain for more information, or maybe see if they can get some sort of teaching module sent from the Archives. Anakin doesn't remember how that works with teams that're on missions, and it's bound to be different now because there's a war on, but if it's possible…
"Ok." He starts, once they're both sorted out and he's fairly confident that he can at least start things. "So learning to shield starts with meditation, which is the boring part of things. It's mostly just sitting there, but learning how to do it properly can be… pretty damn difficult, honestly, if you're not sure what you're doing. It's mostly about finding a way to be peaceful, which is pretty hard if you don't have a good idea of what makes you feel at peace. Jedi normally learn a standard meditation first, which is this one; seated and still. There's a few different types of moving meditation that we can try later on if this doesn't work, but for shielding you mostly only need the basics anyway, at least at first."
Watching the two of them settle on the floor across from him in a basic meditation pose, Anakin thinks he gets a little bit more why Obi-Wan had so many difficulties. He really owes his Master an apology. And probably some more meditation practice, given how difficult it is for him to explain things and settle down himself to monitor the two of them.
As the troopers leave, though, back in their armour but with a definite slump of calm to their shoulders that wasn't there when they'd arrived three hours ago, Anakin feels a warmth curl in his chest. It's good to teach them something that'll help them, even if his attempts were a little fumbling and awkward. Maybe he could get used to this sort of thing.
Jesse returns the next day, without Kix, hovering in the doorway like he's not sure he should be here. Anakin immediately steps to one side and gestures him towards the couch.
He doesn't sit, even as Anakin does and makes another gesture, instead choosing to stand almost at attention with his helmet at his side.
"Is something wrong?" Anakin presses gently, already preparing to cast his mind about the ship to check in on everyone if there is.
"I- no, sir." He'd insist that he didn't need to call him that if it wasn't for the way Jesse was holding himself; tight-strung and nervous, like he was prepared to bolt- or to fight. "I… had a request?"
"Go on." He prompts, when it becomes clear the Scout's waiting for him.
"Could you also form a Force Bond with me?" Jesse seems to draw himself up even further, somehow, and hurries on like he thinks he'll be stopped, "Only, I want to help Kix, but if he's not ready to form his own Force Bonds I can't yet, and I thought it'd be a good idea to get used to how it feels, so I can help him better?"
"You know they won't feel the same way?" Anakin checks, slowly. Aayla's blue-gold-blue-sunset-and-sugar bond-feel was entirely different from Obi-Wan's ashes-black-cold/tea-bitter-blue bond, and the still-settling disinfectant-blue-white-salt-warmth that was Kix, and the Kaminoans could pretend all they liked that the troopers were identical; there was no chance in any hell that Jesse would feel the same as Kix. And even less chance that Anakin would feel anything like Kix, to Jesse's sense; at least Kix and Jesse had the bond of a shared upbringing that might make them a little bit more similar.
"I know, sir, but the idea is still the same, right? Emotions and being able to send them back and forth?"
"Well, yes."
"Then I'd like to try it. Try and get used to that sort of thing, so I can help Kix better." Jesse looks resolute, firmly just wanting to help, then stumbles. "That is, if that's ok with you, General?"
"Of course." Anakin smiles, a little bitter because this is what I want, all I ever wanted was for Obi-Wan to be like this and he never was, and gestures again at the couch. "Might as well take a seat, Lieutenant, this'll take a moment."
He's right; Jesse's white-blue-plasma-salt-and-shadows sense settles into place next to Kix's with the faint idea of a click, and the Scout makes his way out again- probably back to the CMO, wherever he is right now- feeling distinctly thoughtful and a little off balance.
Anakin, meanwhile, pushes away the bitterness again and goes back to his desk, trying to figure out how he could persuade the sharp-faced Madame Nu to part with some instructional material when it would be being sent to the front lines in the middle of a war.
Anything to ignore Obi-Wan's silent judgement.
Soooo... I was originally gonna post this on May 4th.
looks at date
At least it's May?
Anyway; hello and welcome to more of Pix being unable to focus on one series at a time, this time featuring Tormenting Kix For Fun And Profit.
Some notes; I realised during writing that Dorin has an atmosphere of mostly helium, and I couldn't resist Squeaky Kel-Dor Language. The deeper tones are based on the one line of canon dialogue we have of Plo Koon speaking in Kel-Dor (Kel-Doran?), and I blame the way that sounds at least partly on the oxymask that he has to wear, buuuuut eh.
Ok so how bonds work here; bonds literally push away Darkness by acting as a shield; it's a bit hard to want to Fall when you can feel how everyone else feels about you. How-ever; this only works well in close contact. A solid 80% of Anakin's issues come from only really having one consistent bond- Obi-Wan's- and that bond not actually being all that solid or stable- because, y'know, forged in trauma. Sheev over there's also been causing trouble with this bond- see, the ten years of bullshit-, since it was already wobbly and then the ten years of bullshit, so while Anakin does notice Obi's emotions/can talk to him with the bond when they're close, when he's further away it has a lot less of an impact on the Dark and it fades faster. Neither of them have ever noticed this- Anakin didn't know, Obi figured it was just because Anakin didn't want it to be too close, plus an (un)healthy amount of self hatred. Things will obviously change as more bonds get forged, though...
