ACT ONE: SOUTHSIDE CHICAGO LARP
Chapter One: Jehovah's Own Witnesses

Stoop Kid found himself quite happy in life since he had last been in the public's eye for inadvertently assisting in the apprehension of Helga Pataki and her corrupt henchmen just a few years ago. He and Chloe were now engaged and living together in her quite exquisite home at the edge of Hillwood. The home itself was built in the nineteen hundred and aught third year of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and exhibited stunningly ornate and Victorian plaster of Paris walls with absolutely sublime moulding about its interior walls, the most eloquent of which being featured in the elaborate and well-chandeliered dining room that was located just behind the sitting room to the visitors' right upon entering the home and passing through the foyer, prior to reaching the semi-spiral staircase featured in the center front of the home which lead to the second floor of the home. The dining room, of course, also being immediately adjacent to the kitchen which was to its left (which could also be accessed by entering the front of the home, traversing through the foyer, but this time making a left prior to the staircase and thereby entering the main study area which featured a private library and bay window, which the sitting room opposite of this room also featured, but was inadvertently neglected in its mentioning earlier, and then passing through to the rear of the home through the aforementioned study) that, despite being original to the home (as a matter of course as the home itself could not have been constructed without the kitchen area as many of its walls were load-bearing, thereby meaning the structure in and of itself could not otherwise exist without the presence and consequential existence of the kitchen itself), was very spectacularly yet tastefully equipped with the finest of modern stainless steel appliances, chosen carefully for their timeless aesthetics and function, along with equally pleasing-to-look-at solid granite countertops, a two bay stainless steel sink (with a most bold look one might not find anywhere else were they to try as Chloe had very smartly opted to spring for the Kohler), a central island which was frequently utilized for food preparation and serving both, and a very well-stocked, and not at all musty nor dimly lit nor far too cramped walk-in pantry which had most any spice and extra ingredients one might ever need to make an elaborate meal fit for even a king with the most annoyingly idiotic and short-sighted and narrow-minded and self-copulating picky appetite which one might expect from a member of royalty as such both due to their high brow, expensive tastes and their inbreeding.

Quite indeed, Stoop Kid found such a palace of a home to be quite mesmerizing and surreal even to this day despite having resided in it, and this was not even taking into account the entire second floor of the home nor its basement, the former of which being located, assuredly, above the first floor while the latter of which ultimately ended up being built first yet somehow still below the first two floors mentioned which are stacked upon one another similarly to how they are also both stacked upon the basement below which, somewhat paradoxically compared to the rest of the home, showed its age in a far less respectable way as it still featured a dirt floor for the majority of it, natural stone walls, and only the most meager of lighting (aside from the florescent bulbs which Stoop Kid had later installed for better visibility, undoubtedly) which seemed to serve only the purpose of illuminating the stairway so as to prevent any sort of falling hazard and also shine light into the rearmost left corner of the basement, which was simply one large room with the only vertical structures otherwise being those pillars in place to support the home, that housed an aged, wooden door which had been padlocked closed, the key long since lost and forgotten where. Indeed, the second floor of the home (of which I refer to is found resting on top of the first floor) was equally grand as the first, if not moreso, at least in the eyes of Stoop Kid. The second floor, one would find, consisted of primarily bedrooms, a master bathroom and guest bathroom, and a smaller study, frequently referred to as a den, which did not quite match the size of the one on the first floor, nor did it house many books as its purpose mostly served as a room in which Stoop Kid and Chloe kept their computer equipment and other hobby materials such as instruments, painting supplies, stationery, et cetera.

Indeed, Stoop Kid was at first most fascinated by the master bedroom, not only due to the fact it was the very location in which he first witnessed Chloe's nubile, ebony body displayed in the finest lingerie he had ever witnessed which served to not only streamline the shape of her legs and hips, but also draw attention to them one and the same while further providing a framed picture of her mons pubis region due to the presence of a garter belt and laced, yet not quite sheer panties while needing not fail to mention the balconnette bra which simultaneously shaped and enhanced her bust, yet also provided enough direct sight of her breasts which were of an abnormally exquisite shape and proportion, but also help accentuate by comparison the flatness and tone of her stomach, nor due either to the fact it was in this room in which he inserted himself inside of Chloe's noticeably tight, wet poosie which did not at all resemble an Arby's slow-roasted beef sandwich that had been hit with a hammer. Instead, having grown somewhat accustomed to the sight of Chloe's hallowed pussburger, Stoop Kid now frequently found himself quite fascinated by the décor of the room which included the finest of furniture from the bold and brash art deco era which succeeded the era in which the home itself was built by a full score. It featured the most lavishly polished and stained hardwood walnut flooring he had ever come to see, the moulding of the walls in the room rivaling if not almost surpassing that of the grand dining room, the bed itself being almost equivalent to the only thing one could ever imagine to be a throne in which you laid rather than sat, and, of course, the tastefully implemented turntable and record shelving directly opposite the bed with which Chloe allowed wax to serenade and subtly narrate their first fateful night spent with one another carnally. Indeed, over time Stoop Kid came to love this room especially, not only because of what he had witnessed, but because of what he had come to see daily within it.

Nonetheless, it was in this very home that on a bleak, late winter's day in 2022 Stoop Kid was in the sitting room of his home as he had retrieved a book from the study which was located on the same floor (the first floor), but on the opposite side of the home as the sitting room when viewed from the area just beyond the foyer upon entering the front door. While surely seated in the sitting room, slowly sipping chardonnay and sprucely smoking a Spanish cigar, suddenly someone shouting sharply sent a sundry of shivers sprawling swiftly through Stoop Kid's spine and shoulders.

"HARK! I HEAR SOMEONE SHOUTING, I DO SAY!" ejaculated Stoop Kid verbally from his mouth orally.

"What kind of retarded shit are you on about?" Chloe called from the kitchen to Stoop Kid.

"I think someone is in trouble outside!" Stoop Kid shouted back.

Stoop Kid set down his drink, book, and smoke and rushed over to the bay window to look outside the home in an attempt to see what may be happening outside. He looked out the window and saw that there was, indeed, someone outside experiencing duress.

"Chloe! CHLOE!" Stoop Kid shouted.

"What?!" she replied back.

"GET MY GUN!"

Chloe did not hesitate as she and Stoop Kid's past experiences had taught them that they should never be caught lacking a piece. Chloe ran upstairs to the bedroom and over to Stoop Kid's nightstand to retrieve his handgun which he had purchased for the express purpose of killing home intruders and Mormons. It was a newer model Colt 1911 with a flashlight attached to it. Chloe quickly made sure the magazine was loaded and that the gun was chambered, then ran back down to Stoop Kid by the window and gave it to him.

"What's going on?" Chloe asked him.

"There's some jank-ass looking fuck out there making his way towards the door! I think he's trying to fucking rob us!" Stoop Kid replied.

He retrieved his pistol from Chloe and made his way over to the front door, standing off to its side, leaning his head over just far enough that one eye could see out the font door window. Stoop Kid press-checked his weapon to ensure it was loaded. The rotund figure continued to approach the door. Stoop Kid then proceeded to disengage the safety with his thumb. Suddenly, the figure rapped on the door using the door's brass knocker.

"Excuse me?" the voice got out. "Is anybody home?" it continued.

Stoop Kid violently opened the door, causing this figure to gasp and step back slightly. Seizing this opportunity of having interrupted their OODA Loop, Stoop Kid advanced quickly upon them and shoved the muzzle of his pistol into the stranger's open mouth, simultaneously pulling the trigger.

"BANG!" said his gun were it to have a voice and also speak English.

Stoop Kid watched the man crumple to the ground lifeless immediately and further observed pieces of his skull and brain matter be strewn across the sidewalk leading up to his front door. As his body lay there, a substantial pool of brightly colored blood formed on the sidewalk, spilling into the yard.

"WHAT IN THE ACTUAL BUTTFUCKING GODDAMNED SHIT DID YOU FUCKING DO?!" Chloe screamed at Stoop Kid.

"Oh, fuck," Stoop Kid said. "I didn't realize that shit would kill him."