ACT FOUR: M. NIGHT SHALAHAMAHAMAHA
Chapter 1: ya boi dun fukt up

Stoop Kid, Chloe, and Judy eventually made it back to Stoop Kid and Chloe's house, safe from the men that had come after them. Stoop Kid locked the doors and windows, pulled the blinds, and turned off the lights. They barricaded the home and established firing lines from within, and remained there overnight keeping guard for any follow-up attack from these unknown men. Stoop Kid had armed himself with an AR-15 he had illegally converted into a fully-automatic rifle just weeks before. Chloe further armed herself with an AR, and Judy was unarmed because she violated the first rule of being in a gunfight: bringing a gun. She had neglected to put one in her carry-on.

Suddenly, the next morning, something happened.

"Yo! Stoop Kid!" a voice was heard from outside the house. Stoop Kid cautiously approached the window, moving the blinds out of the way just enough to look through them to see who it was. He immediately recognized him: it was Gerald Johanssen! That monolithic-headed fuck had been released from prison!

"Aww, tiddyfuck!" Stoop Kid exclaimed under his breath.

"Who is it, Stoop?" Chloe asked.

"It's Gerald. He must've gotten out, that son of a bitch!"

"YO, STOOP! GET OUT HERE, MO'FUCKA! WE GOT SHIT NEEDS SETTLED, NIGGA!"

"What are you going to do?" asked Chloe.

"I could probably take him out from here," Stoop Kid said as he began to ready his rifle towards the window.

"Stoop, no! You already got us under enough attention after... the other day. We don't need the cops here!"

Stoop Kid knew Chloe was right. He tried to formulate a plan with his wrinkled brain.

"Alright... Chloe; take Judy and go out the back door. Sneak through the garage and head over to the neighbor's place. He's out of town at his winter home, I think. You can lay low there while I see if I can get Gerald distracted here."

Stoop Kid felt this was a great plan. The greatest. Very smart. Stoop Kid knew without a doubt that the only thing wrinklier than his brain was Mick Jagger's grotesque, geriatric face.

Chloe took Judy and the girls disappeared into the home as they made their way towards the back door. Stoop Kid began negotiating with Gerald to capture his attention.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, GERALD?!" Stoop Kid shouted.

"Nigga, you know what I fuckin' want, you punk motha'fucka. I came here to fuckin' dirt your ass and take your bitch. You know she's mine. Stole my motha'fukkin' girl, you cracka-ass mark bitch, I'mma cap yo' fuckin' ass and I got my boys here to fuck on ya, too!" Gerald shouted back.

"No crews!" Stoop Kid yelled back. "Come and get me yourself!"

"A'ight, then, fuc" Gerald said as he approached the front door, kicking it open. "DAMN, SON, THIS HOUSE NICE AS FUCC, BOI!"

Stoop Kid ran to the staircase and fired off an erratic burst of automatic fire (which consequentially damaged much of the original plaster walls and an armoire found in the foyer that would undoubtedly cost at least two to three thousand dollars to replace) that made Gerald jump back outside the door. Acting on his suppressing fire, Stoop Kid ran down into the basement before Gerald could fire a blind burst back through the door with his full-auto Glock, thereby causing him to destroy portions of the foyer's walls further, several parts of the railing and bannister of the staircase, and a small portion of the wall within the room in which said stairs were located, the monetary value of which Gerald did not care about nor could he fathom.

Gerald then entered the house again, demanding Stoop Kid show himself.

"SHOW YOURSELF!" he demanded.

Stoop Kid did not show himself despite this demand. Instead, Stoop Kid had retreated into the basement wherein he barricaded himself near the padlocked door, facing the steps. He taunted Gerald.

"COCKSUCKER, IF YOU WANT ME, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COME IN MY HOLE!" Stoop Kid shouted.

"I'll get you, you honky-ass nigga, you'll see, mo'fucka, I'll clap yo' fuckin' cheeks with my nine, nigga, swear to gawd!" Gerald replied back.

"THEN COME CLAP THEM, BITCH! SHOOT YOUR SHOT AT ME! YOU KNOW WHEN I SHOOT MINE AT YOU, IT AIN'T GONNA MISS. I'MMA COVER YO' FUCKING CHEST AND FACE IN THIS SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Gerald, enraged by this homoerotic banter, rushed down the staircase to confront Stoop Kid. Stoop Kid tried to Daniel Shaver his ass, but Gerald caught sight just soon enough to hop back up the steps, missing the incoming gunfire.

"MISSED, ME BITCH!" Gerald shouted.

Suddenly, several gunshots were heard and Gerald's body came tumbling down the stairs. Chloe stood at the top, lowering her rifle. Judy stood close behind her, cupping Chloe's breasts in her hands for comfort.

"Ain't gonna make nobody yo' crack ho anymore, Steve Urkel-lookin' ass mothafucka." Chloe said.

Stoop Kid realized that Gerald entering the house meant he could claim self-defense in a burglary, so he called the police.

"Boop, beep, beep" the phone said.

"Hello, this is police."

"SOME CRAZY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER DONE BROKEDEDED INTO MY HOUSE AND TRIED TO MOLESTERIZE MY WOMAN, FUCK!" Stoop Kid shouted before then audibly farting into the mouthpiece of the phone.

"We will dispatch all our nearby units for assistance, sir, ma'am, or other!" the dispatcher replied.

"I have to hide!" Chloe said after Stoop Kid got off the phone, realizing her blackness.

"What are we gonna do if they ask about my woman I mentioned?" Stoop Kid said.

"I can play along," Judy said. "I was in theater, after all, and, more importantly, am white."

Chloe, Judy, and Stoop Kid all agreed this was an ideal solution to the predicament in which they found themselves. In a quick attempt to hide Chloe, Stoop Kid decided to finally bash away at the lock on the door behind him in the basement. The door opened without much force beyond that afterward.

"Hide in there, Chloe," Stoop Kid told her.

"What's in there?" she asked.

"Not the police!" Stoop Kid replied back, and so she entered. The next thing that was heard was a scream, and, eventually, a thud. It had turned out that the room had housed an old well, and the door had been locked to prevent this very thing from happening. Stoop Kid shined the flashlight from his rifle down the hole and saw Chloe laying there lifeless, primarily because she was dead. He and his penis had never been sadder. He collapsed to the floor, crying like a teeny wittle piss boy gonna piss and shid about it. Judy held him close, his tears quickly moisturizing her cleavage. He felt a true comfort in Judy's arms, he noticed, as he continued to sit there waiting for the police to arrive.

Suddenly, more sirens were heard and then an eruption of gunfire as the police arrived, immediately opening fire upon all of Gerald's stooges in the yard. The police believed they had smelled a weed when arriving on-scene, and so therefore shot and killed everyone directly visible from the curb in order to keep the home values in the area up. As it turns out, many of these goons were actually private detectives Gerald had hired to track down Stoop Kid, not at all unlike the one Stoop Kid had only days prior killed, molested, and dismembered. Stoop Kid, despite his state of mourning, had a smirk shine through as he realized that his taxpaying money had finally paid off and his local law enforcement had truly protected and served him as he had always wished they might.

Judy and Stoop Kid decided not to mention Chloe's body in fear the police might think they had murdered her, and so they simply spoke of Gerald having entered the home in an attempt to kill Stoop Kid and Judy both. The sergeant they were speaking with looked at Gerald's broken body, and then gave Stoop Kid a high-five for having smoked his ass so efficiently.

"YOU MADE OUR SWAT TEAM LOOK LIKE AMATEURS WITH SHOOTING LIKE THAT!" the police sergeant said loudly, mostly because he was very old and also very deaf.

After Gerald's body was taken away, and further evidence collected, Judy and Stoop Kid were left alone in the home. They were informed by a detective before he left that they would likely be summonsed later to court to testify, but that neither would be going to jail today since the evidence pointed towards self-defense quite clearly. Stoop Kid and Judy were both relieved by this, as they believed their buttholes to be too pretty to survive incarceration.

"Well... what should we do now?" Judy asked Stoop Kid.

"What do you mean?"

"If we have to go to court, don't we have to stay together now?" she asked.

"No, I can just tell them you were visiting and stuff. You can go back home. I guess I'll see you the next time we see each other," Stoop Kid said.

With that, Judy left to return to her hotel and later head home. Stoop Kid went with her to the hotel, then retrieved his Cybertruck and drove to a different hotel across town to stay as he gathered his own emotions.