Part 2

Dimitri didn't return until later in the night, I had headphones on, music playing loud as I skimmed a magazine I had bought a couple of days ago on a food run. I tried my very best to ignore him, though my eyes kept flicking over to him.

He was drawn within himself, looking as if he was trying to make himself seem smaller. Any thoughts of making sure he was okay were wiped away when I remember how it felt when he left me on the bed.

I was so willing to forget everything that had happened and be with him again. He humiliated me and then left me to pick up the broken pieces again. I can't keep giving him everything I had just for him to throw me away.

I sunk further against the head of my bed, turning up the music until it was blasting. I wasn't really reading, just staring at the pages, pretending that Dimitri didn't exist.

I jumped when his hand landed on my knee. I jerked away, crossing my legs to be out of his reach. Feeling a small amount of satisfaction at the pinched look in his eyes. Keeping my face impassive, I removed my headphones with a sigh, "What?"

"About before—Roza, I–"

"You mean the kiss?" I asked, flipping my hair over my shoulder, "What about it?"

He faltered, licking his lips as he chose his words, "I'm sorry that I… I shouldn't have done that. I–"

I pursed my lips, not wanting to listen to his reasons for why it was a mistake. So I played it off. "Damn, comrade. It was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything. It's not like you're the first that I've made out with here." Hurt flashed in his eyes, then he dropped them. "I've been stuck on this mission for over a month, I just felt like messing around."

He was silent for a moment. "That's all it was to you?"

"Yep." It felt like my own heart was breaking as I lied. It meant everything to me, but I couldn't let myself be destroyed by him again and again.

I stood from the bed, grabbing my jacket and slipping on shoes. "Mikhail wants everyone down in the conference room in five minutes." I didn't look to see if he acknowledged my words.

I held my tears back until I reached the staircase, letting a couple fall before I steeled myself, refusing to let any more.


I sat between Miles and Parker, listening to them complain about the lack of channel options on their television and gym equipment. Everyone was getting antsy after being cooped up so long after becoming used to constantly moving.

Dimitri sat on the opposite side of the room, I could feel his eyes on me each time I would turn to say something to Miles. We would often flirt as a joke, this time I amped it up because I knew Dimitri was watching.

I felt like an idiot, like a giggling school girl trying to make her crush jealous. Part of me wanted Dimitri to know that he missed out by constantly pushing me away, and I also wanted to feel wanted again. There were only so many times I could be rejected before I started wondering what was so terrible about me.

"Okay. There has been an increase in numbers. The plan will be the same, split up and take both locations at once so that they aren't able to regroup," Mikhail started, commanding the room easily. "This will be our biggest hit, Croft has signed off on sending more guardians and other Moroi have volunteered. They'll be arriving tonight and tomorrow morning we'll strike."

"How much backup are we getting?" A guardian asked, his form almost as imposing as Dimitri's.

"Fifteen more guardians and five more Moroi."

A low murmur broke out around the room. I raised my hand, "How many Strigoi are we expecting?" As far as I was aware no numbers were given.

Mikhail's face hardened. "At least fifty."

The room became sombre. Even with backup, that was a large number for us to take on, it was like the attack at the academy all over again. Everyone became serious as the acceptance that the likelihood of us all making it out of this alive was low.

"When the others arrive we will discuss the attack plans. For now, I'll tell you which team you'll be on." Mikhail started giving each of us our location. Parker was assigned the second location while Miles had the first. "Belikov and Hathaway, you'll be on the first team."

I groaned internally, though I had to admit if I was going to have anyone watching my back, I would want Dimitri. We may be in a strange place with what our relationship was but I could rely on him when it counts. Such as when you are fighting for your life against hordes of the undead.

Once we were dismissed I let my body sink into my chair, taking a moment for myself.

"So, you, me, and your ex, who you were naked with before. What was that about?" Miles asked, a grin on his face. Clearly, he was enjoying all of this.

I shot him a pointed look, "You saw nothing. Nothing happened. And he's not my ex, we were never together." My relationship with Dimitri wasn't the best-kept secret, those that saw me punch Croft when he restored could put the pieces together easily enough. No one brought it up though.

"Fine, your old mentor," he amended. "Though I don't know too many mentors I've been standing naked in front of."

I elbowed him, glancing around to see if others were listening. Most had left by now, though Dimitri was by the front of the room, talking in hushed tones to Mikhail.

I turned on Miles, hissing, "I will kill you and make it look like an accident."

He pouted, "I guess it didn't go well then, huh?" I covered my face with my hands, praying that he would stop. "Is that why you were being extra flirty? Are you trying to make him jealous?"

"I'm not trying to do anything. There's nothing there!"

His eyes flicked away from me and then back, "I know something that will help."

I had a moment to blink before Miles pressed his lips against mine. If I hadn't just made out with Dimitri today, I would say that kissing Miles felt amazing, though, in comparison, it was strongly lacking any of that spark.

After a moment he pulled back with a wink, standing from his seat and strolling out like nothing had happened. I could feel the eyes of the few that remained on me, but it was the piercing brown ones that I looked back at. His jaw and fists were clenched, his mask was down for a split second before his face went blank.

It was long enough for me to see his regret, jealousy and longing. But that wasn't possible…


I didn't return to my room, instead, I marched straight to Miles, barging in without knocking. Parker jumped in his spot on the bed while Miles stood there smiling like he had achieved something.

I was going to slap that look off his face.

"What the fuck was that!" I demanded, placing my hands on my hips so I wasn't tempted to just punch him.

"That," He started, holding his hands out, "was me getting you what you wanted. You're welcome." He added a bow at the end that almost snapped my control.

"What does that even mean? What the hell does you kissing me have to do with anything I want!" I stomped closer, pointing a finger at him, "Also kissing someone without permission is fucked up!"

He frowned, "That is true, sorry. But I had to do it so that Belikov realises that he doesn't want to let you go!"

I halted, blinking at Miles like he had grown a second head. "He doesn't-"

"Yes, he does! He obviously loves you," Miles cut me off, "And I know you are in love with him. This is all just to help you two along."

I sputtered, "I don't—I don't love, Dimitri!"

"Yes, you do," Parker commented, having been sitting on his bed watching the exchange like a tennis match. "With how protective you are of him, it wasn't hard to figure out."

I stared at them both in shock.

"And you talk about him in your sleep," Miles added.

I slapped my hand over my mouth. "No, I don't." From their expressions, I could tell they were being serious. "But what makes you think he does?"

Miles fidgeted, "Well, other than the look on his face around you, I may have overheard Mikhail saying that Dimitri signed up because he was worried about you."

I backed up a step, not that I was completely surprised that Dimitri was concerned about my safety, I saw that he did care a little the day I left Court. But I didn't think it was enough that he would choose to put himself in danger to keep an eye on me.

I rubbed my forehead. "And the whole thing that no one wanted to room with him, was that something Mikhail made up or…?"

Miles and Parker shared a guilty look. "Yeah, that may have had something to do with us." At my glare, Miles was quick to add, "It looked like it had worked, I mean I walked in on you naked in front of him!"

"What is this? I don't need you two playing fucking matchmaker! This isn't some stupid story trope, this is my life!"

"Rose, think of it this way." Mile put his hands on my shoulders, looking at me earnestly, "Tomorrow we could die. There is a very serious chance that we will be dead or turned. Do you want to waste this chance?"

I shook my head, stepping out of his hold. "God, just stay out of my business, okay!"

As I stormed away from their room, our conversation was running on a loop in my head. Each time I kept coming back to the expression on Dimitri's face.

Did he actually want me like that?

I had been so sure that he was telling me the kiss shouldn't have happened earlier. But what if he meant something else?

I sunk down onto the steps between floors, not able to bring myself to go back upstairs to my room yet. I only joined this damn mission in the first place to get away from Dimitri and learn how to move on. Instead, things were getting more complicated.

I didn't doubt that I had ruined any chance by putting the idea in his head that I was making out with other guardians here, and then Miles had to go make it the truth in front of him.

There wasn't much else that could go wrong to make this worse.


The universe hated me. It hated me and was determined to make my last night on this earth the worst thing possible.

I had eventually found the courage to sneak back into our room, thankful that Dimitri was showering at that moment. I slipped under my blankets and pretended to be asleep when he came out.

Once backup arrived, the time between their arrival and leaving here would be filled with planning. There won't be any time for sleep, so I wanted to try to get a couple of hours in now.

I heard his sigh when he noticed me. He turned off the lights in the room and then sat on the edge of his bed. Part of me was hoping that he might say something, or try to reach for me. The longer he sat there, the more the courage in me built to confront him. But just as I was ready to say something I heard him shift on his bed and lay down.

My sleep was restless, plagued with the image of Dimitri turning his back on me and walking away. Over and over he would leave. When I finally woke up I felt worse than when I went to sleep.

Then, the world had to deliver the fucking cherry on top.

Waiting downstairs with the others, curious as to who we had as backup. The very first person to walk through that door was the last person I wanted to see.

My mother.

I had never been so thankful for the fact we were both so short, I ducked behind the taller guardians just as she looked my way. She must know I was here, I could only hide for so long. If I was lucky it would be until after this mission.

"What are you doing?"

If my mother was a surprise, so was the guardian talking to me. "Eddie," I gasped, "What are you doing here?"

Eddie chuckled, shifting the weight of his bag on his shoulder, pointing behind him. "I'm here to keep that one out of trouble."

What the hell was going on?

"Christian, you have got to be kidding me." Of all people, I was not expecting Sparky. My mouth hung open in shock. "Does Lissa know you are here? I can't believe she let you come!"

Christian snorted, dropping his bag to the ground. "Yes, she does, and I don't need her permission."

I stared at him in disbelief, then shifted my eyes to Eddie, "You guys can't be here. This is dangerous and–"

"You're here." Christian pointed out.

"Yeah, and I was almost killed by a building falling on me," I replied in a harsh tone. "You could both die on this mission." I had already had time to accept that I wasn't going to make it but at least if something did happen, Lissa would have Christian, or Eddie, or Dimitri, and now they were all here. My fingers rubbed at my temples feeling a headache forming.

"Rose, they needed guardians that could fight and Moroi that could use fire, and that's what we are. We can help, we aren't useless," Eddie explained in a serious tone, a hard look in his eyes telling me I had offended him. I knew they were both capable but it just gave me more people to worry about.

I caught Eddie's hand, "I know. I just don't want to lose you." I glanced beside him, "Or you, Sparky."

"Ugh. Don't look at me like that, I don't like it when she's nice." Christian shivered dramatically, making me grin. I was still worried, though I had to admit it was good seeing them.

I shook my head, "I can't believe I didn't notice Lissa freaking out. How long have you two known you were coming?" With everything going on between Dimitri and me, I hadn't been focused on the bond.

"She knows you're busy and has been trying to keep her emotions from going through the bond as much," Christian told me with a shrug.

Eddie tilted his head at me, "We volunteered just before Belikov left. He didn't tell you?"

My mood soured, "No he didn't." He gave me a look, eyebrows raised. I waved my hand, "Don't even ask."

The lobby was starting to empty as guardians and Moroi headed towards the team leaders, Mikhail was leading mine. Our location was a tattoo parlour, we knew it was a front to easily take humans that wouldn't be noticed going missing. Helped it was in a bad part of town as well.

"What team are you two?"

"First team."

I grinned, now I can keep an eye on them. "Well, let me lead the way."


Sixteen guardians and five Moroi made up the first team, three fire, one air and one water user. Dimitri was again sitting on the opposite side of the room, I had glanced at him a couple of times but he was never looking my way.

I was a little shocked to see my mother sitting beside him, her eyes found me as soon as I stepped foot into the room. She nodded at me, I could tell she had something she wanted to say to me. I just didn't know if it was good or bad.

When I took my spot beside Miles, I didn't partake in any of our usual banter, with my mother watching me and what Miles had revealed earlier made me less inclined. I still think he was wrong about Dimitri wanting me back, and if he did, he definitely doesn't anymore. When he nodded towards Eddie and Christian in greeting, he didn't even acknowledge me.

I pushed my feelings down and slipped into guardian mode. What was coming next was going to require all of my focus and I couldn't let myself be distracted by my messed up love life.


The sun was rising in thirty minutes, giving us as much time to prepare ourselves before heading out. We didn't want to risk waiting for it to get too late into the day, otherwise, we will gain more attention at the locations.

The plan was similar to the others, all exits covered, we enter through the front first and then through the back. Moving in two waves on both sides, Morois in the second wave. Eddie and Miles were in the second wave with Christian. I was in the first along with Dimitri and my mother.

What was different this time was that Dimitri was meant to identify a Strigoi, Donovan. Apparently, we were to restrain him if we can, to get information. There was a dark look on Dimitri's face when this was revealed to those part of the first wave. Even from the other side of the room, I could tell he was distraught.

My mother was quick to corner me after the briefing, I shot Eddie a look for help, receiving an apologetic smile as he and Christian ran off, leaving me alone with Janine.

Her eyes took me in, checking me over before returning to mine. "I heard about what happened."

I cleared my throat, "Yeah," I replied, shifting on my feet, unsure of what else to say.

"I'm glad you're okay." Her eyes dropped, "I spoke to your father as well."

It was still strange to wrap my head around knowing who my father was and that my parents apparently talk. I hadn't spoken to him since he showed up for my trials.

"He was concerned about you as well," She continued, "I didn't know you were a part of this mission until he told me." There was some irritation in her voice. I couldn't tell if it was because I was on the mission or because I didn't tell her.

"Yeah, Mikhail asked me to join." I was now wondering if she was also here because of me.

"I've been told of how well you are doing." Her eyes came back to mine, her face impassive. "Good job."

As far as proud parent moments go, it didn't seem like much but considering it was coming from Janine, it was. "Thanks."

She nodded at my response, pulling at her jacket to straighten it. "I'll see you in the van."

I watched after her, still trying to comprehend what just transpired. I know we were trying to improve our relationship, even becoming a bit closer, I just wasn't sure how long it would actually last or if it would happen. It seems Janine was determined to be more present in my life.

I must have still had a bewildered expression on my face when I entered my room, Dimitri paused what he was doing and looked at me with a lifted eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

I tilted my head to the side, "I think my mom just said she was proud of me."

The corner of his lips quirked up. "A lot of people back at Court have been mentioning you. What you have all achieved on this mission is impressive."

I leant back against the closed door, thinking over his words. "I'm surprised we made it this far," I admitted, a lump forming in my throat. "The fact I lived this long is a surprise."

"Rose–"

"When that building collapsed, I thought I was going to die. Somehow I ran quick enough to avoid the worst of it. The others weren't as lucky," My voice dropped in tone as memories of that day returned. I still wondered if there was more I could have done. If I had warned them quicker, or been closer to the front to have stopped the Strigoi, would they still be alive?.

When guardians go out to fight, we accept the fact that we will likely die, but we always believed we would go down swinging, not from a ceiling falling down on us.

"Roza." I jumped at Dimitri's touch, finger curled under my chin, lifting it to look up at him. His eyes were so captivating, becoming lost in the deep pools of brown, the flecks of amber that would shine.

There is a very serious chance that we will be dead or turned. Do you want to waste this chance?

Miles was right that we could die today, the fact so many guardians were brought in to help proved that much. Dimitri and I were both in the first wave, we would be taking the brunt of it. My hand reached out, hovering an inch from him, close enough to feel the warmth coming from his body.

Does he love me?

With a pained expression, Dimitri closed his eyes and stepped away from me, dropping his hand. "We should get ready. It's almost time."

I couldn't form any words, barely nodding in acknowledgement. My heart was beating so quickly in my chest, the thoughts of what if spinning in my head. I couldn't help but feel like I had just lost my chance to tell him how I really felt.


In the times we have driven to the Strigoi location, I don't think the van had ever been so quiet. I thought for sure everyone could hear my heart beating, it was that loud. Dimitri and I were the last to climb into the van, leaving us sitting together on the last two available chairs.

Rather than think about the man beside me and how amazing he smelt, I focused on attaching my earpiece and mic. As I was fiddling with the piece that connects to my jacket, fingers gently took it from mine and clipped it on carefully. I tried to hide the shiver that overtook my body as his fingers grazed my neck. My hair was up, leaving the back exposed, making it all the more obvious when he touched me.

I forced my body to sit back, his hand slipping back down to rest on his thigh. I was so aware of him, when he sat down beside me I had made sure there was room left between us.

"Thanks," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear, only receiving a nod in response.

A strange sense of sorrow and mourning washed over me, thinking of how Dimitri and I used to interact. Even before we were admitting to any feelings between us, there was an ease. I could talk to him, lean on him for comfort and strength.

At one point, he held my heart in his hands. He still does.

But things are different now.

How I wished for just a moment, we could pretend that things weren't, that the months since the caves never happened. I wanted to be able to tell him that I was nervous. Not only was this going to be risky, but it was also the first mission since I was hurt. Three guardians died in front of me that day, I knew today, I may see more.

I wanted him to tell me it would be okay even if it wasn't true.

Warm fingers curled around mine, his thumb rubbing along the back of my hand. I inhaled sharply, my body becoming still from the shock of his touch. Before he could pull away my fingers curled around his.

I don't know how he knew I needed this and I don't care if it was purely by accident, I took what I could from his touch. Memorising the feeling of his calloused fingers that would send sparks through my body as they trailed down my skin.

I didn't need words anymore, this was enough.

Neither one of us looked at the other, staring straight ahead in silence as we drove. His hand didn't leave mine until we approached the street, with one last squeeze his fingers slipped away.

Mikhail turned in the front passenger seat, yelling at us over his shoulder, "Okay, everyone. You all know your places. Get set up in your teams and then listen for the order to go in. Watch each other's backs and stay safe."


Chaos. That seemed like a good way of describing the fight that followed.

I don't remember all that much of it, each punch I threw and deflected blended and blurred as my body went through the motions of killing Strigoi. The last time I fought alongside my mother and Dimitri was in the caves, I was still a novice then, now I was a guardian fighting among my equals.

Turned out to be good having Christian along, having my life saved by him setting fire to a Strigoi that managed to get the upper hand on me. I was pinned on the ground, the Strigoi catching me off-guard as I killed another. I couldn't get my stake in the right position to get him in the heart, watching as he leant down to bite. Before his fangs could break the skin, fire erupted on his back making him scream and roll.

It was enough of a distraction to push my stake in deep.

Christian offered me a hand up, eyes sweeping my form for injuries as I did the same to him. "You okay?" His eyes narrowed on the side of my face and then my ankle that I was trying to keep weight off.

"I'm good. You? Where's Eddie?"

"I'm fine. He's over there."

I looked in the direction he pointed, seeing Eddie working with two other guardians to hold Strigoi down and stake them. I tried to search for others but had to push Christian out of the way as a Strigoi charged us. My strength was wearing down after fighting for so long. I knew that we had greatly thinned the numbers but it felt endless.

Just as we had at the academy, Christian used fire to distract the Strigoi for me to kill them. I surveyed the room again, finding that most of the fight was on the other side of the building. Janine was working with another guardian and Miles had joined Eddie, all looking as exhausted as I felt.

"Go help them, I need to find Dimitri," I directed Christian. My heart was in my throat, eyes shifting back and forth in hopes of seeing him. With his large form, he was hard to miss, yet I couldn't see him anywhere.

Christian looked unsure to leave me, "Are you sure? You're hurt."

I waved him off, "Go." Not staying around to argue I limped away. A Strigoi got a good kick at it earlier and it seemed fighting on it afterwards had made it much worse.

Strigoi bodies littered the floor, some guardians as well. I kept my eyes from looking too long at them, not wanting to deal with the emotions I felt at seeing some of the people I had been fighting with for the past month.

I swept my eyes over them, taking in enough detail to confirm it wasn't Dimitri and moving on. As I got further away from the main fighting, the quiet it got until I could hear the sound of flesh hitting flesh and snarls.

"Where is she?"

My body froze, my heartbeat picking up in speed. I knew that to be Dimitri's voice and yet it wasn't the voice I had grown used to. It was deep and dark, and terrifying.

On the floor of the backroom was Dimitri hunched over a Strigoi. What was unexpected was the look on the Strigoi's face, one I had never seen before. Fear.

"Paris. She's in Paris!" He gasped out.

I eyed the Strigoi as he spoke, realising only at the last second that that was the one Dimitri described that we were meant to find and interrogate. It only clicked in my mind as Dimitri's stake went straight through his heart.

"Dimitri!" I shouted in confusion which morphed into concern as he continued to pull his stake out and stab it back in.

It was gruesome and bloody, and nothing like the man I loved.

I rushed to his side, gripping his arm, dropping to my knees when I found myself too weak to hold him back. "Dimitri. Stop! What are you doing?" My words weren't getting through to him as rage took over. I threw myself around him, hoping that it would restrict his movements enough. "Please. He's dead. You can stop!"

His body faltered, slowing until he was leaning against me, chest heaving with deep breaths. The stake dropped from his hand as his head dropped to my shoulder.

I was shocked to be pulled in by his arms but quickly returned the embrace just as fiercely. "It's okay. He's dead. It's over."

"It's isn't… It's never—it isn't enough," His voice cracked, pressing his facing into my neck. "Roza, everything I've done… I can never do enough to make it right. You saw what I did—What I was."

I shushed him gently, brushed my hand through his hair in hopes of soothing him. I shouldn't be surprised that he's reached his breaking point, but it was still so surreal to see Dimitri lose control like this. "None of that was your fault. None of it," I told him firmly. "It wasn't you."

His head shook, "But what if I still am? Everything I did—What if I am still one of them?"

I drew back to frame his face with my hands, dipping my head until I held his eyes. "You are nothing like them. You're a good man."

"But–"

"No. Dimitri, you aren't like them. You see the beauty in life, they can't see that. They can't appreciate it like you can."

I didn't drop my eyes, imploring him, hoping that he saw the truth in my words. He was a good man, even after everything I believed it to be true. Though some of his last choices may have been questionable, everything Dimitri did was to protect others. To protect me.

His expression was so broken, full of self-hatred and despair, but then it shifted. Eyes focusing on me properly, as if he was seeing me for the first time, becoming a look of awe and affection. Slowly, a hand lifted between us to wrap around a loose strand of hair that escaped my bun in the fight.

"Your hair…"

I raised my eyebrows in question.

"It's beautiful," He clarified, "I've always loved it."

I bit my tongue to not point out that it was frizzy and tangled, covered in sweat and probably blood from the fight. Instead, I nodded, "Strigoi wouldn't see that, wouldn't feel that." I knew just how true it was that Strigoi didn't feel love. "You aren't one of them anymore."

He was still unsure, though nodded in acknowledgement of my words. It was a start at least. Maybe after this, he can truly start to heal.

I glanced behind us, hearing the sound of voices. When I left in search of Dimitri the fight was nearing its end, wondering if it was over now. Looking between us, I grimaced. "Come on, we should join the others." I didn't want to bring up what happened between Dimitri and Donovan, hoping that he at least got the information he needed before staking him.

Dimitri followed behind me, our hands clasped. Normally, I would be hesitant to walk around like this, but after watching him break I didn't want to take away any comfort I could give. After a couple of steps of me limping, Dimitri's arm wrapped around my waist, taking my weight.

"Let me help," He offered, the corners of his eyes pinching. I mumbled my thanks as I leant into him.

Something had changed between us, it almost felt like a wall had crumbled seeing him struggling with himself. Though he still looked haunted, there was clarity in his eyes that wasn't there before.


I didn't get a moment alone with Dimitri again until later that night. I had showered and was sitting on my bed staring at the carpet, my hands holding a towel around the ends of my hair in the attempt of drying them. Instead, I stared off as the emotions of the day hit me.

Of the group of forty-three guardians and Moroi, we only lost seven. It was almost unbelievable that there was so little loss of life when there were so many Strigoi. And yet, I felt my chest constricting painfully knowing that one of the guardians that didn't make it was Parker.

Miles had tears in his eyes as he promised me he would be okay, disappearing into his room not long after. I would need to check on him later but for now, I wanted to give him a chance to grieve alone. He always had done it that way when we lost someone. We had our own way of dealing with the loss.

I turned to look at the door, hearing it open, to find Dimitri. He was watching me. "Are you okay?"

I didn't respond for a moment, deciding to simply shrug my shoulders. My hands started to move against my hair again, squeezing the remaining water from the ends.

Dimitri crossed the room, shrugging off his duster, my eyes following him as he did. He had showered earlier, being relatively unscratched, he came back to the room first while I had to get my ankle looked at and a bandage on my forehead where I had cut the skin.

"How about you?" I asked, "Back there… You were a little–"

"Unhinged?"

I frowned, "I was going to say upset."

He paused for a moment, eyeing me. Determination set in his eyes, walking to his bed and sitting on the edge so we were facing one another. "I would like to ask you something," He started, waiting for my nod before continuing. "When you said the kiss meant nothing to you, was that the truth?"

I studied his face as I decided how to respond. His mask was down, emotions clear on his face. Hesitance and insecurity, but there was also longing and hope.

"No, it wasn't," I admitted.

His lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile, only to drop into a frown. "Why did you lie?"

"Because I thought you were going to tell me it was wrong and you hated me still. So I decided to strike first."

He nodded in understanding, and I think part of him did. "I–" He closed his mouth, uncertain.

I shifted further down my bed so we were close, knees just barely touching. "What? What were you going to say?" Yesterday, I didn't want to give him a chance to finish, but now I want to know.

"I was going to say it was a mistake for me to walk away from you yesterday." His eyes met mine, raw emotion showing in them. "Being so close to you reminded me—it scared me for a moment and I ran. I'm sorry I hurt you again."

My lip started to tremble, "Yeah, that wasn't the best feeling. But I shouldn't have tried to hurt you back." I fiddled with the bedspread underneath me, taking a breath before asking, "What do you want, Dimitri?"

He faltered, eyebrows furrowing.

"Do you want me? Do you love me or is what you said at the church still true?"

"I never stopped loving you, Roza."

My heart sped up, feeling as if it could break out of my chest. I swallowed thickly, "Then why…?"

"At the time, I honestly believed I couldn't love, that I shouldn't be allowed to again. I pushed you away because I believed you were better off without me in your life."

"You don't get to decide that for me," I bit out, fists clenching.

Guilt pulled at his expression. "I know. I never should have tried to hurt you that way. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do. Then you left and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was so scared that something would happen to you and that I would never get a chance to tell you how much I regret what I did."

Tears fell down my cheeks from his words, breathing in sharply. A look of panic crossed his face, getting down on his knees to be in front of me.

"Roza. Roza, I'm so sorry." His hands cupped my face, using the pad of his thumbs to wipe away the tears.

Part of me was still hesitant to give in again and risk him hurting me, knowing that if it happened again I wouldn't be able to pick myself up and put myself back together again. But a much larger part loved Dimitri so much it hurt, and to have the chance to actually be with him, to have his love unconditionally. It was more of a risk to waste this chance.

"You love me?" I gasped out.

He nodded vigorously, "Yes, Roza, with all of my heart. Every last fibre of my being loves you."

"And you mean it? I can't go through this again and have you leave me broken. I love you too much to survive being thrown aside again." I needed to make sure he understood. This was his last chance, I couldn't do it again.

"I promise. I swear, I will never risk losing you again. I want you. I want us to have a chance to be together. No more hiding and no more lying. I want to be with you always, Roza."

As the last words left his mouth, I covered it with mine, hands burying into his hair as I pressed myself against him. It took a second for him to respond. Hands dropped from my face to my waist, lifting me off the bed as his arms wrapped around me. My feet were dangling off the ground, held up completely by Dimitri as I moved my lips against his.

It was just like the kiss we shared yesterday, consuming every part of me until all I was aware of was Dimitri, and yet it felt like much more. There weren't any doubts lingering in the back of my mind, it was almost like free falling. Trusting that Dimitri will catch me.

We didn't pull apart, stopping only when the need to breathe became apparent. Staring into his eyes I found only love, complete and devoted. Our lips met again, this time slow and caring, taking the time to just enjoy being able to again.

Eventually, Dimitri lowered me back down, careful of my bad ankle. My hands trailed down his arms until they were both cupped in his. The smile that was on his face was bright and carefree, the happiest I had seen him since the attack.

The events of the day were catching up with me, my face nearly splitting in half from my yawn. Dimitri chuckled, "You should sleep."

I squeezed his hands, biting my lip, "You could sleep next to me if you'd like?"

A warmth covered his eyes, making my cheeks flush. "If you are sure, I'd love to."

I shifted back on the bed, pulling him down with me. It took some repositioning to get comfortable, both of our bodies were battered, bruises and sore spots all over. Dimitri wrapped an arm around me, holding me close as my head rested on his chest, listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat.

We would need to talk more in the morning, not everything was fixed, but it was a start. There was still a lot to work through and we still needed to finish the mission. But for right now, I had Dimitri close and I had his love again.

I snuggled close, pressing a kiss to his chest. "I love you."

He hummed, the sound vibrating under my cheek, hand moving in slow circles on my back. "I love you, too."

Well, there's the last chapter. I hoped you enjoyed it :D