Chapter 5 - A ride in the rain

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THEN:

Only a month shy of his sixteenth birthday, Daryl had taken to riding Merle's motorbike everywhere now that Merle was in the military. Not like his big brother was around to stop him.

He'd decided to take the long way home from school that day, despite the rain. It was worth it to stay away from his father for a bit longer, and at least riding the bike gave him something fun to do since there was nothing fun about his home life.

It wasn't far from the school that he saw her - walking briskly through the puddles, head down, blonde hair drenched and sticking, jacket wrapped around her bookbag instead of her as she hugged the bag to her chest in an attempt to keep it dry as she battled through the deluge.

He recognised her long before he pulled up next to her. He'd know her anywhere.

The only interaction he'd ever had with her had been that one time after his fight with Joe Rainer, but he'd been acutely aware of her ever since (even though he doubted she had any idea he existed).

He never did figure out what possessed him to actually stop.

Maybe it was because she was in her senior year, and with only a couple months of school left she'd soon be graduating, gone, and he wouldn't see her around anymore. Or, maybe it was because he felt like the rain provided some kind of cover, a camouflage that allowed him to be less of who he was and more of who he wanted to be. Or, maybe it was the overinflated confidence the motorbike gave him, making him feel bigger and braver, more of a man.

Whatever the reason, he stopped. Then she stopped. And was looking at him like he was crazy.

"Hey." he called in a voice surer than he felt. "Want a ride? You're soaked."

Cassie squinted through the rain. A boy she recognised from school but whose name she didn't know had pulled up next to her on an old Triumph, helmetless, dripping wet himself, gazing out at her with piercing blue eyes vivid through the grey of the day.

"I..." she started, not knowing what to say, and then she laughed. "A ride on a motorbike in the rain? That doesn't sound much drier than walking."

Her laugh was a surprise, silvery and sweet, and it made him smile. "Naw. It ain't, but least it'll get ya where ya goin' faster."

Her smile faded at the simplicity and sincerity of the statement, and she stared at him curiously for a moment.

Daryl stared right back until he realised that she was probably wondering who the hell he was.

"I'm Daryl." He scratched his chin self-consciously. "You're Cassie."

An involuntary gasp slipped from her mouth. He'd used her name. Her real name. Next to no one had called her that for over a year now. She'd even stopped using it herself. And there was something about the way he said it - a whisper at the end that made her shiver, like he'd made something old and forgotten bloom inside her.

"You called me Cassie." she said in wonder.

"Your name, ain't it?" he replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Everyone calls me Lady."

"I know."

He knew. He knew, and still he chose to identify her by her name, and that meant everything to her in that moment.

Suddenly it seemed that this this drenched stranger with the wary blue stare on a bike too big for him was offering more than just a ride home – it felt like he was offering her an opportunity, however brief, to drop her hard-worn façade and slip softly back into a purer version of herself that had long been discarded.

So, just like that, with her name, it was sealed.

"Ok then. Thank you. I live down by the tracks." she told him timidly as she swung her bag onto her back, awkwardly attempting to put her jacket on over the top before climbing on behind him and hesitating only for a moment before wrapping her cold hands around his waist. One of his hands dropped to rest on hers for a second, the warmth astonishing her, and she found herself willing him to never let go. But inevitably he did, settling back on the handlebars, and they sped off down the road.


She hadn't intended to actually let him see where she lived - the trailer park was in the worst part of town, and the trailer itself was rundown and weary. But there was something comforting about leaning against him, holding on to him, and before she knew what she was doing, she'd pointed the way right to her front door.

"This is the one." she muttered, embarrassed, as they stopped in front of a dilapidated trailer in the corner of the park. Sliding off the back of his bike, she pushed the wet hair from her forehead as she looked up at him.

"You should come in. At least 'til the rain stops." Conditioned to never forget her manners, the words were out before she had a chance to think about what she was saying.

Daryl sucked in a breath as all his earlier bravado melted away. It was one thing to offer her a ride, but another thing entirely to hang out with her. Her, of all people. Without the rain, without the bike, there'd be nowhere to hide all his perceived shortcomings. It would just be him on display.

Gunning the engine, he shook his head. "Naw. Gotta go."

As if she hadn't heard him, one hand suddenly clapped over her mouth and her eyes grew round in horror. Her hand then dropped to her chest.

"I don't normally invite anyone in." she said, as if just realising what that would mean – seeing inside, meeting her mother - and she looked for all the world like she wished she could disappear.

Unfortunately for her, she didn't disappear, but Daryl's own fear did and was replaced by curiosity. What could she be afraid of? That popular, carefree girl from the schoolyard now standing in front of him looking vulnerable and terrified and uncertain. Reflected in her, he saw how he felt – and the knowledge that underneath it all she was scared too, gave him confidence, courage, made the gap between them seem so much smaller. So, before she could revoke the invite, he was off the bike, wheeling it under the awning, then waiting for her by the front door.

"Maybe I will come in. Just 'til the rain stops."

Cassie scraped at her palms nervously with her nails, then gave a terse nod. "Sure. Ok then."

She hoped he wouldn't notice the tremble of her hand as she pushed hard on the old swollen door.

He did.

The next thing he noticed was the air heavy with smoke from cigarettes and weed, and it almost made him cough. Cassie too, obviously, as she scurried to open a couple of windows, despite the rain.

After that, it was the brindle greyhound that appeared at his side, licking his hand and wagging his tail, and Daryl knelt down to give the dog a vigorous scratch.

"That's Koko. He's an ex-race dog. We adopted him a couple of years ago."

After Daryl had given Koko some love he stood up and finally noticed the woman sprawled on the sofa in a dirty dressing gown, a cigarette in one hand and a mug in the other, and on the floor next to her, an overflowing ashtray, a bong and a nearly empty bottle of cheap vodka.

"Pumpkin, ya home?" Her voice surprised them both as they'd assumed she was well and truly out for the count.

"Yes momma, I'm home." Cassie called as she threw some dirty dishes in the sink, scooped up some old newspapers from the floor and tucked them behind a chair in an attempt to clean up a little.

Growing up as one of three non-houseproud males in a ramshackle cabin, the place looked just fine to Daryl. They were standing in the small kitchen/living area, the furnishings old and shabby, the carpet threadbare and the place generally in need of a real good clean, but to him, it still felt like a home.

Cassie was standing back in front of him now. "Uh," she addressed him, blushing deeply. "That's my momma, Angie." Then she grabbed his hand, and he flinched at the familiarity with which she did it, but didn't pull away. "Come on."

"Ya brought a friend home, pumpkin?! C'mere now! Lemme see! Ain't never bring no one here to meet yer old ma!" slurred Angie.

Obviously hoping to have avoided this, Cassie sighed, then reluctantly led Daryl towards the couch, hand still in his.

"Momma, this is Daryl. He gave me a ride home. Coz of the rain."

Angie pushed herself up to seated on the couch, a brown-toothed smile aimed their way, her skin deeply lined, her greasy brown hair hanging in front of eyes that were kind but glassy. "Well hot damn, a gentleman and a fine lookin' one at that!" Her words all rolling together thanks to the vodka. "Boy, this girl's a special one. You be good to her, ya hear?"

"Mom!" hissed Cassie.

Daryl just nodded. "Yes ma'am. I will." He had no idea where that came from. He'd never addressed anyone as 'ma'am' in his life, and could only hope that his cheeks weren't as red as they felt.

Cassie tugged on his hand. "Ok mom, we're going to my room."

"Baby! Get me the matches would ya? My lighter's gone and died."

"Yes, momma!" Cassie led Daryl down to a narrow corridor, tossing a book of matches from a shelf back at her mother on the way.

"It's not much, but..." She shrugged helplessly as they stood in her little room and gestured to the single bed and the tiny built-in desk under the small window. Unlike the rest of the trailer, this poky room was immaculately made up and kept. Band posters and paintings on the wall, a string of fairy lights above the bed, a snow globe containing a tiny Empire State Building on the desk. "I'm sorry about my mom. She's... she's..."

Daryl looked at Cassie warmly. "She reminds me a lot of my mom."

Gazing at him curiously, Cassie was about to say something when she realized that they were both still dripping wet. "Oh God! You must be freezing! Wait here."

She disappeared, and then returned with towels and some clothes.

"Here..." she snickered, "these pajama pants belonged to an ex of mom's. He really liked dogs. Sorry... they're the only things we got that'll fit you."

Distastefully, Daryl held up the navy blue flannelette pants adorned with cartoon dog faces and shook his head. He'd never worn pajama pants before, and he sure as shit wasn't going to start with wearing these ones, in front of her, no less.

Cassie shrugged apologetically. "It's all I've got. How about I put on something just as embarrassing to make you feel better?" She rummaged through a drawer behind her.

"Ok, I can wear these, or these. You choose."

Glancing between her pajama pants with Minnie Mouse faces and the ones with rainbow stripes, Daryl pointed to Minnie Mouse.

"They'll go with this." He picked up a headband with big mouse ears that was lying on the dresser and stepped closer to her, slipping it over her wet hair, unable to stop the huge grin from breaking out on his face. "Ok, now I feel like I can wear these pants. Why ya got that anyway?"

Cassie gave him a look, then laughed. "My boss just got back from Disneyland. Brought this and the pants back for me. Thought it was the kind of thing a 17-year-old girl would love." She rolled her eyes then threw a t-shirt at him. "Here. This is a little big on me, so it should fit you."

He nodded as he held up the black Led Zeppelin t-shirt. Definitely more him.

"Get changed and chuck your wet stuff out the door when you're done. I'll hang it up for you."

Daryl waited until she'd left, then quickly did as she said, having a nosy around her room for the few minutes before she returned. It was simple, understated, perfect. Just like her.

When she returned, he grinned again at her Minnie Mouse pants and headband, and felt himself relaxing.

"Ok, had your fill with the headband? I'm calling it quits on that now!" She laughed and pulled it off her head, giving her hair a quick shake as it curled in wet waves below her shoulders. "Soda? Crackers?" She chucked a can of soda at him and threw a box of crackers on the bed.

Cracking the can, Daryl shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to do with himself.

"Ya sure it's alright me bein' here? Y'ain't got shit to do?"

"It's totally fine. Nice, actually. And now you've seen the worst of it, I can relax."

"Ain't nothin' bad 'bout it." he muttered. "Nothin' at all."

"Sit down." She gently pushed his shoulder until he'd dropped to sit on the bed. Then she sat cross legged further up by the pillow.

"So..." Cassie started, trying to find something to talk about. "You got some homework to do?"

"Huh?"

She blushed. "I don't know, I was just thinking that if you did, maybe I could help you. It's probably stuff I've already done before."

Daryl hesitated. "Uh... well, I got some English homework. Gotta answer a bunch of questions on this book."

"What book?"

"The Great Gatsby."

"Ah... with the all-seeing eyes of Dr. TJ Eckleburg!" she said dramatically, leaning back on the pillow, and then arched a brow at his blank stare. "You haven't even read the book, have you?"

Daryl had the good grace to look a little sheepish.

Lying side by side on their stomachs on the bed, more than an hour flew by as Cassie helped Daryl with his homework – well, practically did it for him, and they talked about school, laughed about some teachers, complained about others, and generally moaned about how boring it all was and how they couldn't wait to be out of there.

"Not long now 'til you're done." said Daryl, a note of wistfulness in his voice. "What ya gonna do after?"

"I don't know. Anything! I want to get out of this town. Travel. Go places." Cassie said dreamily, rolling onto her back.

"Really? Ya gonna leave here?"

"I hope so. Don't want to end up like my momma."

He gazed down at her, lying so close that they were touching, and he wondered how he could feel so gutted by the news that a girl who'd only just learned his name that afternoon, would be leaving town.

"Oh God." Cassie suddenly sat up. "Speaking of momma..."

The sound of muffled sobs and a sad tune on the stereo filtered through from the lounge, and Cassie squirmed uncomfortably then shot Daryl an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, sometimes when she's wasted she gets a little down, plays sad songs, cries a lot..."

Wordlessly, Daryl tilted his head to one side to listen to the song. A fast freeze soon iced his body as he recognized it as one his own mom used to play - Sylvia's Mother by Dr. Hook.

He gave a hard, dry swallow. He hadn't heard that song for years and years, not since before his mother died, and the tune now dipped him frighteningly back into the past.

All of a sudden, he jumped up off the bed. "Be right back."

"Wait, what? Daryl, you don't have to-"

But he was already up and gone, and Cassie groaned, dropping her head into her hands, all too embarrassingly reminded of why she didn't like to invite people around.

"Tissue, Angie?" Daryl asked softly as he knelt in front of Cassie's mother, pushing a box of tissues from the sideboard towards her.

"Such a shame, boy! Such a damn shame!" Tears spilled over Angie's cheeks, and Daryl nodded in understanding.

"Mind if I change the song? There's one that always used to make my momma smile."

Daryl flicked the buttons on the CD player until he found the song he was looking for, then headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on. A small smile soon tugged on his lips at the sound of Angie's whooping when she heard the opening lyrics of the song he'd chosen.

"You make my pants wanna get up and dance!" Angie sang loud and off key as she pushed herself up and swayed messily towards Daryl. Then she grabbed his hand and attempted to twirl him around, cackling when he resisted, his cheeks aflame.

"This is good, boy! Ya know what a woman wants!" Angie shouted happily. "Y'hear that, pumpkin? This boy's a keeper!"

Daryl glanced up to see Cassie leaning against the doorframe, a strange look on her face and a shimmer in her eye as she watched him, and he ducked his head self-consciously as he quickly went back to making Angie some tea.

Stumbling back to the couch, Angie struck a match and tried not to set her eyebrows on fire as she lit a joint. "Here!" she offered it to Daryl who took it, but immediately stubbed it out on the ashtray on the side table as he held a cup of tea out to her.

"Pop a little voddy in it for me, would ya, boy?"

God, she was so like his mother.

"Sure thing." Daryl picked up the vodka from the floor and pretended to pour some into the cup.

"Here ya go. Drink that. Feel better."

Pressing the cup into her hands, he spun around and made sure not to make eye contact with Cassie who was still standing, staring, and dodged around her, heading back to her room keeping his eyes firmly on the floor.

What the hell had possessed him to do all that?

But really, he knew. Angie had evoked memories and feelings long forgotten; sparked a longing for his own mother; sparked a desire to do the things he used to do for her.

"Hey."

He turned around at the sound of Cassie's voice, and then her arms were around his waist, her head pressed into his chest as she hugged him tightly. "Thank you."

She pulled away, swiping a hand brusquely under one eye. "That was... that was..." She settled for a quick nod, then strode over to the bed and collapsed down with a sigh.

"You said earlier she reminds you a lot of your mom?"

Daryl nodded.

"Tell me about her?" Cassie rolled onto her side and patted the limited space next to her on the bed.

For a moment, Daryl considered just high-tailing it out the door.

This whole unexpected afternoon had cracked him open and left him exposed and bleeding out in front of her, revealing a version of himself that he didn't even know existed. But it seemed like maybe it was the same for her too. Their carefully constructed layers had all been stripped away and all that was left was them, real and unguarded.

So, he found himself lying on his back on the bed next to her, opening up the normally tightly sealed vessel of his mother – telling Cassie the few pieces he could remember about her life, her death, and the massive hole she'd left after she was gone. It felt so damned good to finally talk about her. To say things he'd never voiced before. When he ran out of things to say about his mom, he spoke a little of the older brother who had practically raised him before leaving for the military, and how it was now just him and...

"And your dad?" Cassie finished for him, and he flinched at that word.

A hard, hunted look descended on his face, and that told her everything she needed to know.

Cassie raised herself onto one elbow and gripped his arm tightly with her other hand. "You come here anytime, Daryl. Anytime at all. You hear me? I mean it. You come here if you ever need to."

He looked up at her and her eyes were burning with such frightening ferocity that all he could do was nod.

"Any damn time." she repeated vehemently, and then in a move neither of them had anticipated, she laid her head on his shoulder.

Initially, Daryl's body went rigid at the contact – but either she didn't notice or didn't care because then she snaked an arm around his waist and snuggled in closer. Daryl spent the next moments trying to even out his breath as his belly fizzed and his cells fired wildly from her touch, but eventually summoned the courage to lightly curl his own arm around her, tumbling into wonderment at the whole situation. He could never have imagined for one second that a day that began with his dad throwing a mug of coffee at him and burning his ankle would have ended up here.

Absentmindedly, he began twirling a lock of her hair around his fingers, letting the silken strands slip and unravel before twirling them up again, loving the sensation against his skin.

They lay like that in comfortable silence for a long while - Koko padded in at some point and curled up on the bed at their feet - both of them wondering if the other felt this too, neither of them brave enough to do anything about it. Cassie wasn't sure who had reached for the other's hand first, but their fingers were now intertwined and resting on Daryl's chest, rising and falling slowly with his breath, the rain drumming a hypnotic beat on the roof as time slowly slipped away.

She needed to move away from him. She needed to get up.

Her boyfriend would fucking kill her - not to mention what he'd do to Daryl - if he found out about this, no matter how innocent it felt in this moment.

But she didn't want to. Didn't want to move.

She'd never felt more comfortable with a boy before. With anyone. Never felt so safe, so respected, so seen. She'd spent most of her teenage years with her guard firmly up against boys because she had learned the hard way that if you gave an inch, they'd take a mile.

But this one - he was guarded himself, there was a heaviness dragging on him that made him seem old beyond his years, like he'd seen a hell of a lot more than someone his age should have – but under the armour he was kind and sweet and a complete surprise. The best surprise. One that made Cassie feel giddy and fuzzy and a whole host of beautiful things that she hadn't felt before.

But the fact remained that she'd only learned this boy's name a few hours ago, and she needed to pull her head out of the clouds and drop herself back into reality.

Cassie gently pushed herself away from him. "You hungry? I'm hungry. I'm going to find us some food. Koko, keep Daryl company."

As if the dog understood, he shuffled up further on the bed and laid his head on Daryl's stomach, his soulful brown eyes gazing up at Daryl who reached down to rub the dog's chest affectionately.

Daryl squeezed his eyes shut, trying to grab control of the thoughts of Cassie that were violently tumbling around in his head.

He'd never spent time with a girl like this before. And the fact that it was her, the girl he'd fantasised about, only served to further daze him. None of his fantasies had ever included fully clothed hand-holding, yet somehow, this was better. She was better - so much better than he'd imagined her to be, and he had certainly never imagined feeling like this – electric and charged and sparking.

Cassie soon returned and Daryl sat up as she pressed a cup of pot noodles into his hands and dropped a plate of toast and a packet of jerky on the bed next to him, certain that he didn't have a lot of food circulating at his own house.

"Eat." she instructed as she sat at the desk chair and started on her own noodles.

"Don't gotta feed me, y'know." he muttered, feeling ashamed.

"Least I can do to repay you for the ride home." she replied brightly. "Anyway, I work weekends at the 7-Eleven. My wage is our food money - I gotta keep it well hidden coz momma spends every penny she can get her hands on on getting lit – but I also get a few freebies from there so we got enough to share."

Nodding, Daryl accepted this, and began to eat. He couldn't deny that he was hungry. There was rarely food in the Dixon house and never had been for similar reasons to Cassie's. The gnawing hole in his stomach was something that he'd become accustomed to years ago and was why he'd become so adept at hunting and trapping.

When they'd more or less finished – he still had a corner of a piece of toast between his teeth - he glanced around the room, his eyes alighting on a small square notepad of white, blank pages on the desk.

Swallowing down the toast, he asked, "Can I use that?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Ok..." He ripped the top piece off and started folding it carefully, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth.

Cassie moved closer, watching him intently.

"Here." He held up a small origami frog. "Ya make it jump by pushin' down and flickin' it like this."

Placing it on the desk he pushed down on its concertina fold, and the frog jumped towards Cassie, making her giggle with delight.

"Where did you learn how to make these?"

"My neighbour, Mrs Whitman, she used to be a teacher, and one year she had a Japanese exchange student at the school who taught them all this origami. So, she showed me how to make these."

"So cool! Will you show me?"

Glowing with pride that he'd elicited so much joy so easily from her, he handed her a piece of paper and slowly demonstrated how to make another frog, and after they'd made a few and had raucous frog jumping competitions along the desk, Daryl then ripped a smaller square from the notepad. Carefully, he made an impossibly tiny frog, half an inch long, and drew bitty little eyes and a smile on it with a fine tipped pen before holding it out to her.

"This one's not for competin'. Just for lookin' after. He's retired."

Cassie grinned. "I'll name him… Lucky! I'll take care of you forever, Lucky!" she declared theatrically to the folded piece of paper before gazing back at Daryl. "You're full of surprises."

He ducked his head and felt his cheeks grow hot under her wonderous scrutiny. Noting his discomfort, she threw him her CD wallet. "Here. Put some music on."

The next while passed with Daryl mocking her taste in music between songs while she defended herself and teased him right back for his own.

Later, they were once again lying next to one another on the bed leafing through comics, when Daryl suddenly froze, his gaze flicking up to the ceiling.

"Stopped rainin'!" he stated, surprised that neither of them had noticed that the deafening drum of the downpour had now faded into silence.

"And it's dark!" added Cassie, only just realising how dim the light in the room had grown.

Daryl stood up quickly, suddenly feeing awkward about the length of time they'd spent together and their familiarity with one another. "I should probably go."

"Oh." Cassie said, sitting up and pushing her hair back from her face. "You don't..." She trailed off as they both looked at each other feeling the same thing – that they didn't want to burst this strange, happy bubble they'd been in all afternoon; didn't want this to come to an end.

But it had to.

Daryl puffed out his cheeks in a long exhale, then repeated firmly, "I should go."

"Yeah." agreed Cassie reluctantly. "Ok. I'll get your things."

His clothes were still damp, but he changed back into them anyway, then gave Koko a quick pat before heading to the door, moving quietly past a snoring Angie on the sofa.

"'Kay… I'll see ya." he mumbled, the ease of the past hours suddenly feeling miles away.

"Daryl!" Cassie threw her arms around his neck and hugged him quickly, fiercely, one last time, his own arms tightening around her waist, his face against her hair as he breathed her in.

"Thanks for the ride. And… for all the rest." she said shyly as she pulled away.

One side of his mouth crooked in a half-smile and his eyes were all warmth as he gazed back at her and nodded.

And then he was on his motorbike roaring away into the night, leaving her standing on the doorstep shivering with the cold of his absence already.


Deep down, they had both known that things would be as they'd always been at school. That they would continue spinning in their different worlds; that it was unlikely they would collide again.

Cassie had hoped that something would happen to throw them together, but the reality was that she was so busy with the imminent end of her final school year and life in general that she barely had a spare moment, and Daryl hardly ever made it to school anymore anyway.

On the rare occasion when she spotted him in the halls she'd send a warm smile his way and he'd respond with a brief, shy nod back, the only remnants of the beautiful secret afternoon that they'd shared.