What is the meaning of a black dog?

This is the longest chapter so far, and my favourite one. Who wants some hurt&comfort? And a cameo from another character from the show? ;)


"Silva?"

"Hmm?" Saul doesn't look up from the test he's trying to grade. He's not a fan of this part of his job, still, despite the passage of time, he feels more like a soldier than a teacher. Nonetheless, at some point he had to give in and admit that there are topics that are more convenient to test with one exam for the entire year than by examining the students orally one after another. Still, that doesn't mean he has to like spending his evenings doing paperwork. In addition, he is getting strangely sleepy, and the funny feeling in his throat could mean that he may be getting sick, so Saul is simply not in the best mood. But when Sky repeats his name, he finally forces himself to take a break from work.

"Yes, lad?"

"Silva, are there any Grims in our world?"

Saul turns and sends the boy a look of incomprehension.

"The Grim, you know," Sky repeats, raising his book and shaking it in the air.

"Oh, sorry, I haven't started reading yet," admits Saul, a little embarrassed, though he doesn't know why. They haven't made a deal or anything, so if Sky expects Silva to read all of his books now, he might be in for a little disappointment, he thinks to himself. But deep down he knows he'll read "The Prisoner of Azkaban" as soon as these damn exams are over (assuming he'll still be alive, of course, he adds to himself in a fit of dark humor, discreetly checking his pulse to make sure he doesn't have fever yet). This is probably the first time they have a topic of conversations that has nothing to do with Andreas, war and weapons, and Silva is too happy about it to ruin it by being too lazy to read a couple of children's books. It's just that at the moment he simply doesn't have the time or the energy to do it.

"The Grim is sort of a big black dog. And if you see it, you die," Sky is eager to explain.

His expression tells Silva that something's up, so the man suppresses a sigh (and cough) and puts his pen down to look at the boy more closely.

"No, there is definitely no such thing in our world," he answers seriously. "That would be pretty ghastly, don't you think?" he adds in a more playful tone.

Yet as he utters these seemingly innocent words, his mind brings him a memory he has buried long ago. Aster Dell. After all, it was the sound of a dog barking somewhere in the town that made Saul decide to walk even a little closer to it, despite Andreas' protests. He didn't expect to see people, of course — he still believed Rosalind's every word blindly — but he assumed that no dog would dare to bark so carelessly if a Burned One lurked nearby, and he wanted to make sure that the monsters hadn't already slipped their trap.

"Silva?" Sky's voice brings him back to reality. "You're sure you never saw a black dog before the Burned Ones attacked or... or in our forest for example?"

"No!" Saul cuts him off more sharply than he intended. "It's just a kids book, Sky," he adds, more gently. "You've got to remember these are all made up stories, and black dogs aren't any scarier than white dogs, or..."

"Green dogs?" Sky offers, chuckling.

Saul rolls his eyes.

"I was going to say 'brown dogs'. Actually, if I saw a green dog in our forest, maybe I would get a little scared."

"You? You're not afraid of anything," says Sky with the disarming confidence of a child.

Silva is tempted to protest, but is actually pleasantly flattered, so he decides to accept the compliment this time. Then Sky finishes his thought:

"Just like Dad!"

The pleasant warmth in his heart disappears immediately, and Saul closes his eyes for a moment. Was Andreas fearless? Possible, but if so, it was not something to be proud of.

"We're all scared sometimes, Sky," he says quietly, after a pause. "There's nothing wrong with fear. It's all about controlling it, and not letting it control us."

Sky nods.

"And thinking about something happy, and then eating chocolate," he adds in an equally serious tone.

Silva gives him a surprised look, but Sky is no longer looking at him; he's back to reading his book. Saul glances reluctantly at the pile of tests on his desk and heads to the kitchen to find something for his headache, which is caused either by the cold he has apparently caught, or by his memories — he isn't sure.

A few days pass, the written exams end, and the practical tests begin, and Saul evaluates them with a pack of tissues always in his hand, almost feeling the mocking glances of the students, until Ben Harvey almost forcibly gives him some disgusting healing potion. Saul has long forgotten the conversation about the furry death omens when Sky surprises him one morning at breakfast with a question:

"Silva, can we get a dog?"

Saul frowns, but luckily a sudden coughing fit gives him time to think about his answer.

Sky tilts his head and eyes Saul from under his already too long bangs.

"You sound terrible," he observes. "You should go see a doctor. Or Professor Harvey."

Saul gasps, grimaces, and reaches behind him for the small bottle hidden behind the coffee jar.

"I spoke with Harvey. He gave me this. It's disgusting and it doesn't work."

Sky frowns.

"And exactly how many times have you taken it?"

Saul doesn't know whether to get angry or laugh — the kid sounds just like him right now.

"Okay, you win," he finally says, grimacing even more as he takes a small sip of the potion.

Sky is beaming.

Saul sticks his tongue out at him, which, combined with the potion, only causes another coughing fit. Sky patiently waits for it to finish, then repeats the question:

"So what about the dog, Silva?"

This time Saul has no excuse.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," he says, picking his words carefully. "A dog is a big responsibility. You have to take it out a few times a day, clean up after it, train it, and you… and we both have school."

"But I'm doing well at school!" Sky purses his lips. "You know I'm responsible, Silva, you know that, don't you?" he adds with emphasis.

Saul cannot disagree.

"You are a very responsible and smart boy," he agrees. "And that's why if you think carefully, you'll realize we can't provide a dog with proper care right now," he ends firmly, and to emphasize the finality of his decision, he rises from the chair and starts washing the dishes.

Sky's face takes on a rebellious expression, but it only lasts for a moment, and Saul watches with satisfaction as the boy instantly takes his emotions under control and begins collecting the plates left on the table.

"I'll do it."

Saul sends him a grateful smile and leaves the kitchen, happy to lay down for a moment. Focused on being angry with himself for getting sick at an annoyingly inconvenient moment, he doesn't even think about Sky's calm reaction to his refusal. The kid has never been one to dramatize, for which Saul has always been grateful, but he should have been at least puzzled by the lack of disappointment on the boy's face that morning. He realizes this a few days later, when it dawns on him that Sky's sudden interest in washing up and other small household chores has nothing to do with the desire to help his sick foster father.

"Sky," he calls on the Saturday morning, when Ben's potion has begun to do its work and Saul finally begins to feel like a normal human again. "I appreciate how much you've been helping me lately," he begins tentatively.

"Yes?" Sky raises an eyebrow, trying to look innocent.

"But I can guess why you're doing this. And you should know that while I can see and appreciate it, I'm afraid it won't work."

To Saul's surprise, Sky tosses the cloth on the table with obvious anger and sets the plate down on the dryer so vigorously that all the other dishes jingle loudly in protest.

"Sky," Saul says warningly, but while such a brief admonition has so far been sufficient, this time the boy seems to respond with even more anger.

"It's not fair! I'm well-behaved, I have good grades, I do well in training and nothing has changed even though I have been taking care of the house for the past week!"

This is a bit of an exaggeration, Saul thinks — washing plates, taking out the rubbish, and vacuuming is hardly beyond the usual responsibilities of a child of Sky's age — but he doesn't say it aloud, aware that it wouldn't convince the boy anyway.

"You don't have a single reason to deny me a dog, not a single one!" The boy ends in a raised voice, accusingly extending his finger towards his foster father.

More than the rest of Sky's outburst, this gesture makes Saul feel anger grow inside of him as well.

"Do not use that tone with me, young man!" he says sharply as he raises from his chair to take advantage of their height difference and remind Sky who is in charge. "I am your legal guardian and I do not have to explain my decisions to you. Have you ever seen a commanding officer explain himself to his soldiers?" He knows that this is not the best example, but he doesn't know how else to convey to the kid that there are certain rules, boundaries that should not be broken.

Sky's eyes are shooting daggers.

"You're not my commanding officer! You're not even my father!" he shouts and runs out of the kitchen.

Moments later, the exit door slams and Silva curses loudly. He deserves it, he knows he does, even more than Sky can imagine, but the boy's words still hurt. Worse, Saul doesn't know what to do now. They have never argued like this before, and Silva has always been proud of it. Proud of Sky's respect for him, and even more of how well they get along and understand each other. He remembers how often he thought about it when confronted by the rebellious teens from Alfea, how he often compared them to Sky, and was pleased to know that his foster son would never act so disrespectfully. Now he knows it was stupid and naive on his part. He thought he knew everything about Sky, that he was in perfect control of the boy's upbringing. Now he realizes that Sky is not a soldier who can be expected just to respect and follow every order. He is a little person, a young man with his own personality, own opinions and emotions that should be respected too — Saul has always known he would have to pay attention to it, he's just thought he had time until Sky grows up. But the boy is growing up now, he must have started growing up some time ago, quietly and unnoticeably, like everything Sky does, and now Silva, completely unprepared for this fact, has no idea what to do with it.

As he is standing in the middle of the kitchen, wondering if he should seek advice on online parenting forums or ask Ben for it, his gaze shifts to a book with a familiar cover, left on the windowsill. Saul relaxes a bit, remembering that at least he still has one thing he can share with Sky. He hurriedly texts Ben, "Is Sky at your place?", And when Harvey replies, "They're playing with Terra outside," Saul breathes a sigh of relief, sits down on the sofa, puts his legs up on the table, and starts reading.

Hours pass, the apartment is silent and Saul, absorbed in the book, doesn't even notice the passage of time until he has only a dozen pages left, and from the corridor there comes a soft click of the door. Sky enters the apartment, gives Silva a long look that he doesn't know how to interpret, then retreats into the bathroom without a word, making Saul realize that the boy is still angry with him. He quietly hoped that Sky would get over their argument and everything would be back to normal, but Saul had some time to think about things as well, and he hopes he's now ready for whatever time may bring.

He listens to the rush of water in the shower for a moment, then looks down at the now closed book on his lap and thinks that even if he isn't Sky's Dumbledore, maybe he at least could be Sirius? A far-from-perfect, slightly broken godfather, hiding a dark secret, but still the closest thing to a father the boy has. And while Saul prays that his secret is never revealed and Sky never has to choose between him and the law, deep down he also hopes that if it does happen, the boy would believe in his innocence like Harry believed his godfather. Except Sirius really was innocent, points out the little mean voice in his head. Saul groans softly, puts the book down, and heads for the balcony. The sharp evening air really helps to clear his head of excess thoughts. By the time Silva returns inside, Sky is already asleep, or at least pretends to be, and Saul has no other choice but to follow in his footsteps.

When he wakes up the next morning, their tiny apartment is unnaturally quiet. Saul rubs his eyes with the back of his hand and reaches for his watch. Sky's alarm should have rung fifteen minutes ago. Saul never turns his on, as he usually wakes up at the same time anyway, and even if he doesn't, the sounds of Sky rummaging in the kitchen usually do the trick. Wondering if the kid has forgotten to set his alarm, or if the silence has something to do with Sky still being mad, he gets up and heads to the boy's bedroom.

Even though the room is hot, only the top of Sky's head is sticking out from under the covers. Silva pokes the boy's phone with his finger to see if the alarm is on, then sits down on the edge of the bed and gently touches the boy's shoulder with his hand.

"Sky! Time to get up", he says softly.

Sky mumbles something and slides even deeper under the covers. Silva smiles slightly, knowing their morning routine well.

"Sky!" he repeats with more emphasis and reaches higher to ruffle the boy's blonde hair. Does he imagine it or is the kid strangely warm?

"One moment," Sky mutters hoarsely, but at least h no longer moves away from Saul's touch. "I just need to feed Sirius."

A warning alarm sounds in Saul's head. He leans forward and rests the back of his hand more firmly against the boy's forehead. Shit, he didn't imagine it, Sky has a fever and apparently, he's delirious. Shit, Saul repeats in his mind, trying not to panic. It's not like it's the first time. Sky is a really healthy child and he rarely gets anything more serious than a runny nose, but that doesn't mean he's never been sick before. Only, it's so rare that Saul has not had the opportunity to get used to it and learn to react differently than with fear, helplessness, and guilt of a very different kind than usual. He can't help asking himself if he could have prevented it — not to torment himself, it's simply that to eliminate the risk of an undesirable situation repeating itself, one needs find the cause of it first; this is what he was taught in the military. What's worse, however, this time Saul knows the answer is: yes, he is at fault. He's the one who came home sick, ignored it because he didn't have time for illness, and now Sky is paying the price. Because he, Saul Silva, a grown man, a Specialist, found it too difficult to drink the disgusting potion from Ben for a couple of days.

"It's okay, Sky," he says, trying to stay calm. "You'll feed Sirius later. Now you're sick and you need to stay in bed."

Sky turns his head and looks at Saul from under the bangs that fall over his eyes.

"You mean I can miss school today?" His voice is even more hoarse, but at the same time he sounds a little more conscious, and Saul is grateful for it.

"We're not going to school today, neither you nor I," he reassures the boy. "Now tell me, Sky, does anything hurt?"

The boy thinks for a moment.

"My throat. And my head," he finally admits. "But just a little. And I'm so terribly cold."

Saul nods.

"Wait a sec, I'll get you an extra blanket."

"'kay. But Silva?" Sky stops him when Saul is already on the doorstep. "Hand me my phone, please, I have to text Terra about Sirius."

Saul's heart beats faster again, but the man obediently gives the boy the phone, forcing himself to accompany it with something akin to an understanding smile. Ten, he runs off into the kitchen, closes the door behind him, and calls Ben. Fortunately, his friend picks up after the first signal and, probably hearing the panic in Silva's voice, five minutes later he's knocking softly on their door.

Sky is a bit surprised when he sees Harvey, but he obediently allows the man to be examine him. He seems fully conscious again, but Saul can't forget hearing him talk about Sirius Black as if he was real just a few minutes ago.

"His fever isn't that high, is it?" he finally asks.

Ben shakes his head.

"No, it looks like a completely harmless cold. Make him drink this twice a day." He takes a vial of the ugly purple-tinged potion Saul's familiar with from his pocket, measures out a little using a teaspoon he had Saul bring from the kitchen, and hands it to Sky.

The boy obediently takes the spoon, carefully tastes the potion with the tip of his tongue, grimaces, then closes his eyes and downs the rest of the medicine in one gulp.

"There's a brave boy." Ben smiles approvingly. "I wish you had seen Saul when I made him drink it."

"Yeah, I saw how he grimaced," Sky chuckles, but he immediately starts to cough.

Ben pats him reassuringly on the back.

"It has to get worse first to get better," he says philosophically, then turns and glances at Silva, signaling to him to follow Ben into the kitchen.

"It's really nothing serious, Saul," he assures his friend when they are alone. "Don't make such a frightened face, you just worry him unnecessarily, and it won't help either of you. He'll be fine, really."

Saul shakes his head.

"You didn't hear him fifteen minutes ago, Ben, when he tried to convince me that he has to feed a dog from a book, which is not even a dog, but a runaway criminal, an innocent criminal, I mean..." he stops when he realizes that he sounds like a panicked madman.

"You mean Sirius?"

Shocked, Silva drops the spoon into the sink with a loud clang. To his surprise, Ben bursts out laughing.

"No, unlike you, I don't read those nonsense books. But I know when my daughter is up to something. Terra found a stray dog, and they hid it in the woods, she and Sky, and came up with a cunning plan to convince one of us to let them adopt it. If only you could see it, Saul." Ben shakes his head in amusement. "A huge, black, shaggy beast; if you let it in here, it would take up half of this kitchen. I get that the kids want a dog, but do they really have to want one the size of a bear?"

"So Sirius is a dog?" says Saul, still a bit confused. "As in real, living dog?" Suddenly, all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle click into place.

"As living as it can get." Ben laughs again. "Don't look so baffled, I found out myself only yesterday evening, because Terra couldn't stand it any longer and asked me directly."

"Oi, you said you knew when your daughter was up to something," Saul points out when he finally feels that he is starting to regain the ability to think logically.

Ben's smile becomes a little less cheeky.

"I know when she's up to to something. I just don't always know what it is."

This time it is Silva who bursts out laughing.

"Ben, can I ask you something?" he says after a moment, back to serious. "Do you..." he stops, trying to remember everything he thought about yesterday while reading. "Do you think Sky wants a dog so badly because he feels he doesn't have enough... I don't know, emotional closeness?"

Ben, also quite serious now, sighs quietly and wipes his face with his hand.

"Saul," he begins cautiously. "We both know that showing affection is not one of your strengths. But…" He raises a hand, seeing his friend ready to interrupt him. "But Sky knows you love him. He does. It wouldn't hurt if you told him that sometimes instead of talking about Andreas all the time. But either way, he knows."

Saul shakes his head slowly, but he doesn't answer. He knows what the real problem is — how could he talk about love when he lies to the boy every day, when he's the one who took Sky's biological father away from him? What does it even matter if Saul loves him? It does, he knows it matters — he admonishes himself — but the thing is, he also knows that he has no right. He must—, no, he wants to give Sky a home, an education, a future, but he has no right to usurp his love. Because no matter how much he wants it — the kid was right — Saul Silva is not his father.

He looks up, looks into Ben's eyes, and reads in them that his friend knows. He doesn't understand, he probably disagrees, but he knows, and this realization somehow makes Saul feel a bit better.

As if reading his mind, Ben nods and smiles sadly.

"I'll go now, but if anything changes, call me, even in the middle of the classes. And don't worry about your Specialists, we'll take care of their training, Farah and me. Hard as it might be to believe, we still remember a bit or two about swinging a sword."

Saul smiles back, grateful to Ben for breaking the tension.

"Swinging a sword?" he repeats, pretending to be offended. "You never knew how to do it properly anyway."

Ben snorts, pats him on the shoulder and leaves the apartment without saying another word.

When Sauls goes back to Sky's room, the boy is asleep again. So Silva makes himself a cup of coffee, moves the chair closer to the bed so he can put his feet on the edge of it, sits down and starts thinking about his conversation with Ben. At the same time, he tries to keep a close eye on the boy, paying attention to every change in his breathing, every movement. Sky tosses a bit, coughs occasionally or mutters incoherently in his sleep, as if he is fighting something — something that Saul has no control over. Finally, the man gives up, puts his half-finished coffee on the desk, and moves to the bed. He gently checks the patient's forehead, taking care not to wake him up, but to his surprise, Sky reacts to the touch, sighing deeply and moving closer to him.

"Sky?" Saul whispers uncertainly, but it looks like the boy is still asleep.

Relieved to find that the fever has dropped a bit, Silva wants to return to his chair, but at the same moment he realizes that Sky has stopped tossing on the bed and seems to be sleeping much more peacefully than before. Intrigued, Saul sits down more comfortably, rests his back against the wall, and with a gentle, almost timid gesture, reaches out to brush the boy's bangs from his forehead. Then he lowers his hand to Sky's shoulder and lets it stay there. To his surprise, Sky smiles in his sleep and turns even more towards him, so that his shoulder is now resting against Saul's thigh. Silva can't hold back a smile anymore, feeling strange warmth blooming deep inside his heart. He raises his hand again and shyly starts stroking the boy's blonde hair. When did Sky grow up like this, he thinks suddenly, even though it's stupid, because right now Sky looks much younger than when he is fully conscious and remembers to act like an adult he'd like to be. My little man, Saul thinks fondly as he runs the blonde strands between his fingers. Not Andreas', but his… He still doesn't dare to say 'son', even in his mind. But at least he is willing to admit to himself that he would like to do it. And he hopes that Sky can feel it somehow. Without taking his hand from the boy's head, he lets his own head fall back against the wall, then closes his eyes and feels peace come to him at last.

It has been two days now, there is no sign of the fever, and Sky is unhappy that he still has to stay in bed, so Silva comes up with an idea to cheer him up. Well, not alone, but with Sam Harvey's help; still, it's the thought that counts, he says to himself as he marches into Sky's room with his laptop in one hand, a bowl of popcorn balancing on top of it, and two mugs of hot chocolate in the other.

"I could have helped you if you just called," Sky says, hurriedly taking the bowl from him.

"And what did I say about getting out of bed without a reason?"

Saul unceremoniously plops down on the bed, forcing the boy to scoot over. Since they're going to spend some time together here, they should both be comfortable, Silva has learned it in during last few days.

"If you called, I'd have had a reason," Sky grumbles, but is visibly curious when Silva takes a flash drive out of his pocket and plugs it into his laptop.

Saul smiles slightly.

"Well, since we both have the afternoon off, I thought we might watch a movie together."

He watches with satisfaction the gleam in Sky's eyes as the first frames of 'The Prisoner of Azkaban' appear on the screen.

"Sky, you know I know about Sirius, do you?" he blurts out some time later, as he watches Ron and Hermione argue about their pets.

Sky ostentatiously reaches for the spacebar to pause the movie and not miss a second of it, then he looks up at Silva.

"You mean that dog we were feeding before Mr. Harvey got rid of it? I know everything, Terra messaged me."

"So you know one of the students' parents adopted it, right? They own a large farm with a huge garden, Sirius will be happy there."

Sky nods.

"Our place would be too small for him, wouldn't it?" he says with a tinge of sadness in his voice. "Silva?"

"Yes, Sky?"

"Are you very mad at me?"

The boy's big blue eyes search for his and Saul can see the worrying moisture which begins to fill them.

"Because I really didn't mean what I said earlier," Sky continues hastily, his voice slightly trembling. "You may not really be my dad, but you are the best godfather in the world, and since my dad is not here, it's pretty much the same thing."

"I'm not mad, Sky," Saul says softly. Then, recalling Ben's advice, he gathers up the courage to add, "I couldn't dream of a better son."

The smile Sky sends him at this moment is worth all the guilt that will soon start to haunt Saul again. And perhaps it's this mind-boggling happiness he's feeling right now that makes Silva, to his own surprise, come up with the offer:

"You know, a dog is a big responsibility, but maybe we could get some less engaging pet to start with. A hamster or a rat or a..."

"Turtle?" Sky says enthusiastically.

"Would you like a turtle?" Saul is a bit surprised by this choice, but at least a turtle seems quite harmless and not very time-consuming, so why not?

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's get a turtle then. What will you name it? Not Sirius, I suppose? How about Leonardo or Donatello?"

Sky frowns in a rather funny way, looking at Saul with a mixture of amusement and pity.

"What are you talking about, Silva?"

Saul shrugs.

"When we finish 'Harry Potter', we're watching 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' next. It's time for you to get acquainted with something from my era, for a change."