The tip taping of keyboards. The wosh wosh noise of ceiling fans. The soft buzz of fluorescent lights. The stale air of a building full of cubicles with no windows.

There were many reasons why Sanji did not enjoy this job. Answering call after call for tech support was not ideal. The shitty air conditioner that never even felt like it was on was painful. The office gossip is completely unbearable.

The worst thing about this job was the asshole that got hired about two weeks ago. Apparently he was a friend of the owner's son which is the only reason he had this job. The man always arrived late, slept in his cubicle for about half his shift, ate most of the treats Sanji made for the office, and instead of a thank you he would just burp with a muttered, "compliments to the chef."

There was a dress code that the man hardly upheld, and Sanji had seen this man scratch and rearrange himself in public.

The worst part though was despite his dirty wrinkled clothes, uncharming mannerisms, and lack of respect… he was really hot.

It's not like Sanji had been the only one to notice though. Oh no. Women and men alike had come onto the green haired man -yes, green hair- only to be rejected.

It's not even like the man was classy in his rejection technique either. He would grunt a "no" or "pass" when someone asked him out or blatantly hit on him.

Even the smoking hot redhead, Nami, had asked him out for a night of drinking which he refused with a "Beer is cheaper at home."

Nami, had twisted some of her hair around her finger, "Would you mind if I come over, I'll bring drinks."

Sanji was really jealous, of course the two hottest people in the office would become an item.

"Would it just be for drinking?"

Nami had giggled, "Well it could be more~"

"Pass" he grunted.

That ogre! Any man would gladly cut off his left nut to get a chance with Nami and he dismissed her!

Nami had left in a huff, her cheeks cutely puffed out, with a pouty bottom lip.

Later Sanji caught him in the breakroom, the man had stuffed his face with food that Sanji had made earlier, "You know I make those snacks for everyone, right?"

"Oou 'ake 'ese?" The guy asked with cheeks stuffed.

Luckily Sanji could understand the idiot, "Yes, I made those. Don't talk with your mouth full!" he snapped.

Zoro swallowed, "Shouldn't you just be happy that someone wants to eat all your crap food?"

"Crap food? Nothing about my food is crap, asshole."

The man shrugs.

"What the hell is your problem!? Also why did you reject Nami, you do realize she wanted to-" Sanji cut himself off, trying to word it properly, "She wanted to spend the evening with you."

"Fuck. She wanted to fuck, shit-cook. That's what you're trying to say, right?" The man eyed him, "Why were you watching, are you interested in me or something?" The man had this cocky little smirk on his face as he looked Sanji up and down, "You look the type."

"You're disgusting, I don't even know your name. I would never just sleep around with someone I didn't know."

"That's why you're talking to me, so you can get to know me, right? I know you're into me, you can admit it."

Sanji would rather jab out his own damn eyes than ever admit to this cocky asshole that he did in fact find him hot. "I'm not interested in lazy bums who leech off their friends to get jobs and lack hygiene enough to grow mold on their heads."

The man's smirk disappeared, making Sanji smile smugly instead.

"I can tell when someone finds me hot."

"Apparently not," Sanji countered, "I have a thing called standards."

"Well if you decide to lose them, '' Zoro handed Sanji a piece of paper with a number in it.

"Throw your own trash away." Sanji tried to hand it back.

"It's my number." Zoro grunted.

"Same thing" Sanji countered.

"It's not going to hurt you to keep it." Zoro was definitely sounding irritated. Perfect.

"It's probably not even your number."

"Yeah it is, I'll prove it. Text it and I'll show you on my phone."

"No one has their number prepared on a piece of paper."

Zoro actually blushed softly, breaking eye contact, "I wrote it earlier because I was already planning on giving it to you."

"Are you serious?"

"We're both attracted to each other, why wouldn't I?"

"Okay, fine." Sanji took the number, "What's your name again, moss head?"

"Name's Zoro. Will I get a dick pic?" Zoro teased.

"Sure, just for you."

Sanji left back to his cubicle taking a short visit to Bon Clay's first. "Zoro's number" he told his coworker, handing him the piece of paper, "He wants a dick pic."

"Sorry!" Sanji tried to stifle his laughter, "Sorry!" He took some deep breaths. "He actually sent you one back?"

"Yes, he even said he would like to suck me off" Bon Clay announced proudly, "Although he suddenly stopped messaging me when I corrected him after a few texts when he texted something along the lines of, 'Fuck you're so sexy Sanji'"

"What did you text back?"

Bon Clay smiles brightly, not the least bit offended, "This is actually Bon Clay, and I'm touching myself too."

Sanji burst out laughing again. Clutching his side as it begins to stitch.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be mean to you or anything."

Bon Clay waves off Sanji's concern, "No worries, you're my friend and I really enjoyed myself. I'm considering making his dick pic my new screen saver."

"I should have warned you though. I really am sorry."

"Nah. It was the most action I've had in weeks. I've been too busy." Bon Clay gave Sanji a concerned look though, "Why are you so opposed to him though? He's very attractive. If anything he would be good for a night of fun."

Sanji sighed, "You know I'm not interested in stuff like that. I want an actual relationship and love. Zoro just wants to get his dick wet."

"But he rejects everyone in the office."

Sanji shrugs, "Maybe he's just doing that publicly. After all, he only tried coming onto me in the privacy of the break room. He could have been the same with everyone he rejected. Most likely if I had ever asked him out he would reject me too."

"But he's sooo hot."

"I know he is, I can't believe I actually liked him, too. Why are all the super hot ones such jerks?"

"You really think he's that much of a scumbag?" Bon Clay asked.

"Without a doubt. He didn't ask me for a date. He was rude, said I thought he was hot, and made it clear he just wanted sex."

"If he asked you out on a date, would you have said yes?"

"I don't know" Sanji bite his lip, "Probably. Good thing he didn't. I would have slept with him and he would have left the next morning to never return my phone calls. I get enough of that shit already."

Bon Clay sighed, "That's a shame."

"Why?"

"His dick was so big and pretty." Sanji gave him a look but Bon Clay carried on, getting louder and louder, "Like it was so pretty. It was the kind of dick that you don't mind if you choke on it because it would totally be worth it to get that thing inside you."

"Oh my god, shut up" Sanji leaned across the table covering his friends mouth with his hands. Bon Clay just licked his palm making him move his hand and whip it on his pants. "Gross!"

"Don't worry Sanji" Bon Clay winked with his extra large fake eyelash, "Your dick is even prettier"

Sanji's face turned red.

"Not as big as his though. His was huuuuuuuuge~"

Sanji threw a tip on the table and dragged his friend out of the small coffee shop glad no one but the workers there could possibly overhear the conversation.

Usopp picked up the tip from the table and while he typically tried to mind his own business (safer that way) he had definitely noted the man's name on the card when he had ordered, and the loud conversation was easily overheard.

There were some important things mentioned and he thought it was only right to tell one of his best friends.

Keeping an eye out for possible customers and made a quick call, "Hey Zoro-"

When Sanji saw Zoro at work, Zoro glared at him the entire day which Sanji thought, all things considered, was pretty fair. At the end of the day when Sanji tried to go to his car to find Zoro leaning against it, waiting for him, Sanji assumed Zoro was going to try and beat him up. Also fair. Not that Sanji was going to let that happen, but the green haired man's anger was warranted.

"You're a real piece of work." Zoro told him as he approached.

"The air doesn't feel that humid, yet there is moss on my car"

Zoro growled, "I should really kick your ass."

"I would like to see you try."

Zoro and Sanji proceeded to have a long glare-off, which Sanji was sure he could win considering how much he and his old man had them.

"I hope you enjoy Seafood, there is a place I think you'll like. I already made a reservation for tonight."

Sanji lost the glare-off, "What?"

"Just get in, I looked it up. It's a nice place." Sanji couldn't get a read on what was happening, "Oh and if you ever pull a stunt like that again I'll kick your ass."

Sanji knew immediately what Zoro was referring to, "I thought you liked Bon's dick so much you wanted to suck him off?"

Zoro's face went absolutely scarlet.

"Shouldn't he be the one you're trying to take to dinner?" Sanji teased.

"No. Now could you stop being such a major dick for just a second."

Sanji weighed his options before deciding to take Zoro's offer. Absolute worse comes to worse Sanji could kick Zoro's ass and take a taxi.

Zoro didn't play any music as he drove so it was really quiet, "I'm not good with people."

"Good thing you're in customer service" Sanji jabbed, "I'm aware of your lack of social skills." Sanji looked out the window, "You missed the turn."

Zoro grumbled and took the next turn instead.

"I didn't just want a fling."

"You could have fooled me. Nothing screams romance like a conversation talking about how irresistible you think you are and asking for a dick pic."

"I'm not good with people," Zoro said again.

"You're in the wrong turn lane, we are supposed to be going right, not left."

Zoro grumbled again, "I'll make a U-turn when I get the chance."

"Why should I believe you?" Sanji asked.

"Luffy gave me some of the cake you made last year for New Year's. It was the best damn thing I ever ate and I don't even like sweets." Zoro made an awkward U-turn at the next light, "After that he would bring me things you made for work."

"I didn't know that" Sanji mumbles.

"I started asking about you, and Luffy loves to talk. I also started coming to any work party that I could."

Sanji laughs, "Luffy loves parties" Sanji hummed, "I never noticed you at any of the parties though."

"I know you didn't," Zoro grumbled. "So I asked Luffy for a job."

It felt like something clamped down on Sanji's heart, "That's why you took this job?"

Zoro shrugged, "It's not like I needed it. I just needed to get to know you, but you are so focused on your work."

"It's called work because that's what you are supposed to do." The jab came out much softer than Sanji had meant.

"Everyone kept bugging me, so it was hard to approach you."

"You mean, everyone wanted to date or bang you."

"It was irritating" they finally made it to the restaurant, "they kept getting in the way."

Zoro parked the car in front of a nice seafood restaurant, "Sorry." Sanji muttered, "I really misjudged you."

"I was just trying to get your attention with the whole dick pic comment. I don't just want this to be about sex, I'm not like that."

"You seemed happy to get one though."

"Sex may not be all I'm after but I'm not going to say no to it either. Not when it's someone I've been crazy about for almost a year."

Sanji sighed, "Sorry to disappoint you…" Sanji smiled at him, "but my dick doesn't look like Bon Clay's."

Zoro actually laughed at that, "I don't care what it looks like, I prefer yours."

Sanji wanted to make a joke about that but Zoro was looking at him with this look of hope, and longing.

Fuck it.

"Wanna start over?" Sanji unbuckled himself and leaned over half way to the driver's side of the car.

"Only if the next time I text you it's actually you texting back, and if you send a dick pic it's actually yours." Zoro unbuckled himself as well and leaned in too.

"Promise" Sanji almost whispered looking at Zoro's lips and then back up to his eyes. "Oh and if you're lying and you end up treating this as a one night stand. No one will ever find your body."

"Works for me" Zoro brushed his lips against Sanji's before Sanji tilted his head and pressed their lips together, and it was perfect.

~Fin