Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC
I was having trouble sleeping. There was no fancy way of saying it, it was just plain and simple. I would lie awake for hours just tossing and turning in my bed until I eventually gave up and went to make tea in the kitchen. I would pace around the house in my pajamas, doing this or that to tire out my mind before returning to my bed, the clock already telling me that I would have to wake up soon. It was a frustrating cycle and even when I did manage to fall asleep I would dream of blonde hair and golden eyes. I had no idea what was happening to me.
Perhaps it was guilt. After Carlisle had abruptly left the bookshop, I hadn't seen him sense and I also hadn't gotten much sleep ever since. Counting today, made it three and a half weeks now since the incident. I still didn't know what had gone wrong. One moment he was sharing something personal and the next he was bolting out the door as fast as possible. Maybe I had pushed for too much information, but I told him that he didn't need to share. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to comfort him, maybe I had made him uncomfortable and now he was avoiding me. Whatever the case was, I was pretty tired of it, literally and figuratively.
Kathy had noticed the bags under my eyes lately, commenting that I needed to get more rest but she didn't understand, that's what I was trying to do but nothing seemed to work. I tried counting sheep, listening to relaxing noises, but nothing worked, I was out of options. Two weeks into it, Ben suggested seeing a doctor about insomnia, he told me that maybe they could prescribe me sleeping medication.
I had listened to the advice, scheduling an appointment for the next day. I had also hoped that I would run into Carlisle while at the hospital, I wanted to talk to him, ask him what I had done or just about what happened. I had no such luck. When I went to the hospital, he was nowhere and I had just gone into see the doctor like any other patient. She prescribed me sleeping medication, saying it worked on everyone and that once I fell into a normal sleeping routine I could even come off of the medication.
It didn't work. The medication had no effect on my insomnia. I went back again and still I didn't see Dr. Cullen. My doctor upped my prescription, telling me that now I would defiantly feel the effects. She wasn't wrong. I woke up 24 hours later with almost no recollection of the day and night before, plus it left me with a head full of dreams of the elusive doctor.
I didn't go back to the doctors a third time, just accepting my insomniac fate along with the dreams. I couldn't use the medication and would just have to learn to deal with it. They weren't bad dreams after all. Usually, it was just flashes of the good doctor, coming in waves and then disappearing. I knew what I had to do to get rid of my insomnia and the dreams but I never saw him anymore.
After that day, I wanted to talk to Carlisle about what happened. I just wanted to ask him what was wrong but he never came. I waited time and time again, looking at the door every time the entrance bell rang, hoping it would be him. It never was. I still thought about that night. Usually, only analyzing what I could have done but sometimes I'd allow myself to think about how touching him made me feel. It wasn't in a perverse way, it just seemed to ignite something and then all too soon, before I could even process it fully, it was gone and so was he.
I rolled over, pulling the covers over me. I still couldn't go to sleep and it was observation day in class tomorrow. The vice principal would be sitting in on our class tomorrow and writing up observations of me that would come to reflect on me during my end evaluation. I couldn't afford to be tired from lack of sleep nor could I afford to be drowsy from my very strong medication.
I glanced at the clock on my wall. Crap, it was already 6am. I would have to be at school in an hour to help with traffic duty. I don't know why I had signed up for it. I sighed, pushing the blanket off, I would just make a lot of tea to get me through the day.
I got up, getting ready for the day, the morning slowly creeping by. I pulled on my comfortable grey dress, pulling it over my head. I brushed my hair and teeth before making my way into the kitchen. I would need a lot of tea to get through the day.
Going to school was a bigger struggle, I don't think I had slept more than four hours in the last three days. By the time I showed up for traffic control, I was absolutely exhausted.
"Do you want to switch out with me?" I jumped at the unexpected voice, turning around.
"Mr. Williams, you scared me" I said looking up at the taller man. Williams taught the fourth grade and we had met before at a few of the staff meetings.
"Sorry, it's just that you seem a bit tired, I can take over your traffic shift"
I smiled, "No, no, I'm fine, I just haven't been sleeping well lately but I've fine" I said, shaking my head and smiling politely.
"If you're sure"
I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine, I'll be good here"
"Have a good day then, Ms. Parsons"
"And to you too" Mr. Williams gave me a wide smile before walking off. Man, I must be pretty tired for someone else to notice. I sighed, it would be a long day.
Welp, my day was an absolute garbage fire. Literally, there was a fire started in the garbage can in the boys' bathroom today. Apparently, a student had brought matches to school and they were playing with them in the bathroom, it got out of hand and they tried to throw the evidence away which resulted in a garage fire.
I had downed a ton of tea before beginning to teach and thought it was going pretty well until the fire alarm went off. The student pulled the fire alarm in the middle of when I was teaching and the vice-principal was taking notes. Then as the fire alarm went off the kids were calm at first believing that it was just a drill but as soon as one of them caught word that there was a real fire, absolute chaos ensued. It was just a mad house. Everyone had to evacuate the school into the recess area and the fire department showed up and it was just a big mess.
The fire hadn't spread to anywhere except the metal trashcan and it should have been dealt with rather quickly but fire combined with a bunch of kids under the age of ten did not work out well. Parents came to the school, kids were sent home early, and lessons were cancelled but the staff had to have a mandatory meeting to discuss the events.
The staff meeting was just so long and the room was warm and the principal's voice was just very soothing and I found myself drifting in and out of sleep. Kathy would jab me in the side when she noticed me drifting off resulting in me having a bruised side. I was actually quite grateful for her because it would be so much worse if I fell asleep during a staff meeting.
After the meeting was over, I found myself back with Kathy in our classroom, paper was scattered everywhere and various pencils were laying on the ground.
"You need to get more sleep"
"I know, I know, I keep trying but nothing works" I said, crouching down to gather up the papers on the ground.
"You realize that you can't be a teacher on zero hours of sleep, and it doesn't look good on me if you keep falling asleep during staff meetings" said Kathy, easily gathering up all of the markers that were scattered on the desk.
I sighed. I knew she was right. Kathy sent me home with orders to get a full night's rest and come back on Monday bright eyed. I thanked her before leaving, driving slowly home.
I decided to take a long hot bath to help me relax, I felt so tense lately. The bath didn't work. The water was just tepid and I couldn't settle in and I just felt so uncomfortable. I decided to make some tea, padding around the house in my long night dress. The tea didn't help either this time. It just wasn't as satisfying as it had been. Maybe I was just hungry. I hadn't eaten breakfast and had only had a granola bar for lunch. I warmed up soup that I had made the night before, cutting a piece of homemade bread.
After I had eaten, I felt slightly better but I was still tired. I decided to try my luck at sleeping and quickly got ready for bed. I laid down, looking at the ceiling and pulling the covers over me. The night was quiet, nothing was moving and I was just all alone. I closed my eyes, clearing my head. I turned over, clearing my head again. I could do this. It was just sleeping. I pulled the covers over my head, determined to get some sleep.
I think I could feel the hours tick away as I kept my eyes closed. I tossed from side to side under the blanket. I just wanted to go to bed. That's all I wanted, couldn't I just have that. I kept my eyes closed, hoping that eventually my mind would settle down but it all just came back to the same conclusion. I needed to talk to Carlisle. I think I just felt guilty or something along those lines.
Why did I feel like this? It made me feel so horrible. It wasn't fair. I wanted to talk to him about it but he was nowhere to be found. What was I supposed to do? How was this even my fault? I didn't deserve this. I was just so frustrated with everything that was going on.
I sighed, uncovering my head and turning to the side. I looked at the clock on my night stand. God, it was 1am. I laid in bed for another hour and then another two hours until it was nearly 8am and I hadn't slept at all. Thank goodness that it's Saturday and I didn't have to work until later on in the afternoon.
I couldn't do this anymore, I just really couldn't go another day without getting a proper night of rest. I had to do something. I had to talk to Carlisle.
Before I could properly think about what I was doing, I was slipping out of my pajamas and into a long skirt and baggy sweater, not bothering to do anything to my hair but leave it down. I grabbed my car keys and threw on my glasses, I couldn't drive without them. I was in my car, driving down to the hospital before I even fully realized it.
I didn't know what I was doing. What was I doing? I didn't even know if he was working today. All that I knew was that he once mentioned in passing that he was sometimes worked during the weekends. That was about all I had to go on and I was just going to show up at the hospital. Yup, that was my entire plan. Oh no, that's my entire plan, I realized as I pulled into the hospital parking lot. Maybe this was a bad idea. He could have just been upset about something else. What if it wasn't me? What if my brain was just overthinking about this entire thing?
I turned off car, looking out at the parking lot. It wasn't very crowded. I also realized that I really didn't remember what Carlisle's car looked like so that was no help at all. I couldn't even tell if he was there. I put my head on the steering wheel, maybe I was going mad. I turned down the car mirror, looking at my reflection. The first thing I noticed was the tired lines under my eyes, it really wasn't a good look. I couldn't live like this, I decided. Flipping the mirror closed, I sighed, opening my car door. I had to get out before I changed my mind and got back into my car and drove away.
Outside it looked like it was about to rain, the clouds hovering above the town. I walked slowly, hesitantly, across the parking lot and into the brightly lit waiting room. There weren't many people there, just a few patients and the nurses lingering behind the counter.
I went up to the front desk, I recognized the nurse. It was Nurse Sandra, the one I had met on the field trip. "Nurse Sandra" I said, coming up to her with a polite smile. She looked briefly confused before her eyes lit up in recognition.
"Oh, Ms. Parsons, how can I help you?"
"I was just wondering if Doctor Cullen is here, I just need to speak with him for a moment" I said, giving her an innocent look and hoping she would comply.
She looked over a piece of paper, looking at a list. "Well, it says here that he's working, I can just page him to the lobby for you" she offered.
I smiled gratefully at her. "Yes, that would be wonderful, thank you"
"You can just wait here" she gestured to the waiting area chairs and I nodded, thanking her again before I went to take a seat.
I took a seat, grabbing a magazine from the table nearby. I flipped through it languidly, not really focusing on any of the articles but just looking through the pictures absent mindedly. The clock ticked across the quiet room and I glanced at it as I set the magazine down. It had been over ten minutes since I arrived.
I opened another magazine, flipping through it quickly before placing it down and looking back up at the clock. Another 4 minutes had passed and still no signs of the good doctor. Maybe this entire thing, coming here, had been a mistake. Perhaps I should just go. I looked at the clock, watching as three more minutes ticked by before I stood up.
Going back over to Nurse Sandy, she looked up at me. "I paged Doctor Cullen, sorry he might just be busy with something, I'm sure he'll be here soon"
I shook my head, "I think I'm just going to go, I'm sorry, thank you for your help"
She nodded politely, "Of course, have a good day Ms. Parsons" I smiled at her, thankful for her help before turning away. I would just go back home, maybe I'd try making another appointment with my doctor to try and get a different sleeping medication.
Just as I made it outside the hospital doors and into the parking lot, a voice called back to me.
"Coraline" the familiar melodic voice called out. I turned and that was the last thing I heard before I felt my world go black as I looked into a pair of beautiful golden eyes.
I wrote another chapter! Sorry about my bad grammar and spelling, I'm bad at reviewing things before I post them. I'm curious to hear how you guys like this chapter and the direction I'm taking this in. So, please read and Review!
