Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my OC
Colorado was great. I had forgotten how much I missed my parents and seeing them again had just been absolutely wonderful. My mom had probably squeezed all of the life out of me and my dad had tried to stuff as much food into me as he could. They also dragged me along on some of their adventures, well my mom was really the one that was dragging me up and out of the house on the days when I didn't have training.
The training was also fun. I had only been outside of college for a year but I had forgotten how much I love being in classes with other people and learning something new. The people were very friendly and it was just so great going to different lectures and meeting new teachers, just like me. Every day, I had to go to a different lecture in the morning that lasted until lunch and then we would conclude by doing some type of either group presentation or activity. All of it really kept me busy and yet I couldn't get Carlisle's face out of my mind.
Of course, the dreams didn't help. Ever since I came to Colorado the dreams seemed to grow more realistic. Usually it would just be flashes of his face or him off in the distance but now the dreams were of his arms around me, sometimes we would be dancing, other times we would be sitting on the couch together, his arms around me while I leaned into him. I woke up with the ghost of his hands around me and a tingling sensation in my stomach. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I just couldn't get it out of my head, well I couldn't get him out of my head. He was just my friend. Just my friend and yet I didn't know why he haunted me. He had even said that we were friends and that's all we were, right? The dreams left me with a headache, partially just because they were what I spent all of my spare time thinking about.
I didn't have Carlisle's contact information besides where he worked and his daughter Alice's number and now I was very grateful for that fact. The dreams were only just proving that I needed separation. Maybe, I was just way too reliant on Carlisle's friendship lately. He did take up an awful lot of my time and he had somehow become my closest and most reliable friend.
Today would be my last day in Colorado. I was going back to Forks on the last flight back. I wondered about what had gone on in the three-weeks I had been away, about how Carlisle was doing. I wondered about his family as well and what Bella had said I was missing. Sometimes when I spoke to Carlisle he would get the strangest look in his eye before he blinked and it disappeared. It always felt like I was missing something, always missing the end of a joke or the beginning of one.
"Could you stop twirling that thing and drink your tea" called out my mother as she brought out a plate of brownies that my dad had whipped up earlier in the morning.
I stilled my hand, setting down the pen I had been spinning through my fingers. It was one of the pen's Carlisle had gifted to me. I had taken them to Colorado with me and used them throughout my training. The pens never gave out, not even fading once throughout the three weeks; it was a quality product, just what I'd expect from someone as wonderful as Carlisle. Unfortunately, every time I looked at them I couldn't help but think back to Carlisle. I wasn't sure about anything.
"Something on your mind?" asked my mother before she took a sip from her mug, looking at me over the rim.
I shook my head. I didn't know how to verbalize what I was contemplating. I didn't even fully comprehend what I was contemplating. I was sure that if I said anything it would come out in a rambling that I wasn't prepared to hear myself vocalize.
"Are you sure? Even when you were younger, you'd twirl something while you sat and stewed in your confusion," I shifted slightly, my eyes glancing up at my mother as she continued. "But what do I know? I've only known you longer than anyone else"
I sighed, picking up my mug, the heat warming my hands. "It's nothing really, it's silly"
"It's always silly but come on and tell your mother" she said nudging me with her foot, as she raised her eyebrows at me.
I hunched over, my finger gliding over the rim of the cup as I contemplated what I was going to say. "It's about Carlisle"
She sat up straighter, inching closer to the edge of her seat. "Ooh your handsome doctor friend
"Yes, him." Of course, I had told her about Carlisle before, in phone calls and such but I hadn't talked about him since I came to Colorado. She looked at me, her eyes urging me to continue. "I've been thinking about him lately and I just- I just—" The words weren't coming together.
"You just?" she looked at me with her lips tilted up, a hint of a smile shining over her mug.
I drew in a breath, "I just don't know about him, I don't know anything at all"
"I thought you said you two talked a lot? I'm sure you know something about the man"
"It's not that, I know about him but I also don't know things about him" I said, hoping that she'd understand what I was trying to say even if I didn't fully understand what I was saying.
"Well, how do you feel about him?"
"I think he's a great person" I said simply, the words coming easily to me. "He's a wonderful father and doctor, a real stand-up person."
"And how do you feel about him personally?"
I tilted my head, looking at her with a creased forehead. "That was my personal opinion" She gave me a skeptical look, her eyebrows raising as she kept her lips in a thin smirk and waited for me to continue. I let out a sigh, my shoulders hunching as I put my mug down. "I think he's a great friend, he listens to me and he cares, he really cares"
"And how does that make you feel?"
"I- I don't know"
She looked at me with a slight smile on the edge of her lips, "Sounds like someone's got quite a bit of thinking to do"
"I have thought about it, I've thought about it for three-weeks now and yet nothing, I think of him and my brain blanks, do you know how frustrating that is?" I asked, closing my eyes as I leaned back onto the hard wood chair. "I think about him and yet words can't get from my brain to my mouth and everything is just- just confusing." I said, keeping my eyes closed.
"Sounds like you have quite the problem on your hands" she said, her voice coming to a hilt at the end. I could tell she was smiling when she said it, even if I couldn't see her. I heard the sound of rustling fabric before I heard the sound of mugs being picked up. I had hardly touched my tea and I suspected that she knew I wasn't going to finish it. I felt her hand come to squeeze my shoulder. "If you want my opinion, it just sounds like you have a little crush on the man, nothin' wrong with that, Coraline"
I opened my eyes as I heard that, looking at her as she walked into the kitchen with our mugs of unfinished tea. My forehead knitted together as I scoffed at her words. She was starting to sound just like Ben. I could practically picture him saying that with that smug smirk of his before he'd shake his head at me and walk into the back to avoid my speech of adamant denial. I didn't like Carlisle. I just didn't. That was a simply ridiculous thought, I repeated to myself as I shook my head, reaching over for one of the brownies mother had left on the table.
A glint of silver stopped me and I picked up the pen I had set down earlier, feeling the smooth metal as I held it up. I ran my thumb over the indents of the engraving, the smooth cold metal feeling nice against the summer air around me. I couldn't like Carlisle. The thought was absolutely ridiculous. I ran my finger over the engraving again, absolutely ridiculous.
Thankfully for me, my mother didn't bring up Carlisle again in the morning although she did give me rather odd look when she saw me twirling the pen between my fingers. The rest of the day passed in a compatible silence, the two of us spending the day watching various movies together until it was time to leave for the airport. I tried not to think about what she had said about Carlisle. I didn't have a crush on him. I didn't have a crush on anyone.
Leaving Colorado had been an overall easy affair, saying goodbye to my parents and promising to visit during my next break before they dropped me off at the airport. The plane ride had gone rather well, too, except for the crying babies that seem insistent on crying for the entire flight. I really wasn't paying attention to that, reading the same line in my book over and over as I became lost in thought.
Hey you all, I'm sorry. I'm tired and I thought this was a good enough length. I will update as soon as possible I promise. Thank you for all the reviews because they really keep me motivated!
