Ford's First Step

"Welcome aboard new passenger!..."

Ford felt groggy, which immediately sent his mind to a worried analysis of his body and surroundings. He felt like he'd been drugged recently (something he'd, unfortunately, become familiar with during his travels) and the scent of hay and animals meant he was no longer in the forest of Gravity Falls. Keeping his eyes closed, Ford listened to the voice speaking, trying to discern their position and if they're a threat.

Once it was revealed to be a video, Ford opened his eyes and looked around. His first observation was that he was in a pod of some sort. Keeping an ear on the video, he examined the pod and couldn't help but be fascinated by it. It was some of the most advanced technology Ford had come across and it also seemed to blend smoothly with magic…

"Every passenger has one. The numbers are made by the train based on your life in order to help you to have the most personalized experience we can offer."

Ford's head snapped up to the video before going down to his hand.

2731

How did the train get that number… The metal plate was supposed to prevent anything from messing with his head… If the train could get at his mind and memories… then could Bill…

Ford closed his eyes and forced himself to take a deep breath. He had learned the hard way that panicking never helped. He needed to stay calm and focused up he hoped to figure his way out of his situation.

Once he felt more under control, he thought over what he knew about Bill and the plate in his head. The plate didn't make his mind impenetrable to mental magics and powers, as Bill himself could still haunt his dreams. But it did keep the majority of his thoughts hidden, especially those he wanted to protect. The train had advanced technology and magic, something Ford himself observed when examining his pod, so it is possible that it just used similar techniques to skim his surface thoughts and memories to calculate the number.

Satisfied with his conclusion, Ford listens to the video for any helpful information and getting up once he determined he got all the use out of it he could. Carefully treading into the surrounding area. He seemed to be on a farm with tiny little humorist creatures with carrot heads inhabiting it. They seemed friendly, a few waving at him as they spotted him. A part of Ford was itching to observe them and write in his journal, but he shouldn't linger. The conductor clearly indicated that there were dangers to be found and his priority should be finding the kids then…

"Howdy passenger!" A carrot farmer greeted cheerfully, tipping his straw hat as he approached Ford.

"…Greetings…" Ford replied, forcing himself not to reach for his blaster. It was rarely a good idea to act hostile until the aggressiveness of other creatures could be determined. Besides he might be able to get information about the train from the creature. "You wouldn't happen to know where the door to the next car is would you?"

"Oh sure," the carrot farmer said cheerfully. "It's right by the barn! But before you leave, you must join us for dinner!"

"I shouldn't…" Ford began but thought better of it. While he did need to find the kids as soon as possible, he didn't know where they were or how long it would take to find them. He also didn't know when his next opportunity to eat might be and he couldn't afford to waste it. "Alright."

"Wonderful!" the carrots farmer said, grabbing Ford's hand and leading him forward. "May is making her famous jambalaya and you don't want to miss it!"

Ford let him be led into the farmhouse and couldn't help but ask questions about their lifestyle. They were very friendly and had no problem sharing all sorts of stories as the meal was prepared and served. After the food was eaten and the dishes washed, Ford was invited to join the dancing that was about to happen in the barn. Ford declined, insisting he really needed to get going to the next car. They had no problem leading him to the door and waving goodbye as he went through.

Ford was able to maintain focus on his goal for the first few cars, barely giving their contents more than a passing glance as he made his way through. A few had puzzles that need to be solved in order to open the door, but they were simple for Ford to solve and continue on. But with each car he passed through, Ford couldn't help but slow down and observe the cars and those that lived within them.

Did the train create all these creatures in the cars or did some of them migrate to it? If the train really brings so many strange and varied creatures into existence, what could possibly be the train's limits? Was each that contained sentient creatures their own stable life cycle? With creatures being born and dying? Did the civilizations grow and expand with time or were they stagnant within set bounds the train made? Was there trade and travel between cars?

The more he thought about these things, the longer and longer he lingered in each car, observing and questioning everyone he could. His journal was quickly filling up with notes and entries and before he realized it, he had been on the train for over a day with very little progress actually being made.

He tried to refocus and make up for lost time, but would still find himself getting distracted. He finally came into a stand-up comedy car much to his annoyance and found he would not be let out until he got the audience to fill up the laugh meter by the stage. He'd tried everything to force the door open, but not even his blaster so much as scratch the pristine door.

Finally, with great reluctance, Ford went up onto the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"G-good evening everyone," Ford said, clearing his throat a little to try and sound better. Why in the world was he stuck in a comedy car? Why couldn't it have been a physical classroom where he could give a lecture. He had never been good with large crowds like this and instinctively hid his free hand behind his back to hide his fingers.

It was going about as well as one would guess, Ford's attempts at doing some intellectual jokes flying over the audience's head and the crowd booing at him as a result. He tried to think up some simpler jokes and puns, but they either fell flat or he couldn't remember the punchline. Needless to say, it was a disaster.

"Why don't I take it from here," A familiar voice came from behind Ford as Stan took the microphone from Ford. While Ford was still frustrated with his brother, he couldn't help but feel relief at this moment. Stan had always been a lot better with crowds and getting people to laugh. He'd be able to get the door open and Ford would finally be out of this stupid car.

"Geez Sixer looks like you've nearly killed the crowd," Stan said with a grin, sling an arm over Ford's shoulder. "What did you do to them? No… let me guess… you told a chemistry joke, only for it to get no reaction?"

Ford's face started to burn as the audience laughed, feeling some of his defenses come up.

"Actually I was trying to tell a very tasteful joke about dark matter…" Ford began only to have Stan cut him off.

"Dark matter? More like Dork Matter! Am I right?"

Ford felt angry and humiliated as the audience laughed loudly again and Ford ducked under Stan's arm and hurried off the stage as fast as he could without looking like he was fleeing. Stan easily reclaimed the audience's full attention and Ford was able to disappear into the crowd where he found Dipper sitting at one of the back tables.

"That was embarrassing," Ford grumbled, sliding into a seat neat to Dipper. "But at least Stanley will make us possible to progress, even with those atrocious jokes of his."

"Yeah they're pretty terrible," Dipper agreed, snicking at the latest one Stan said. "But Stan has a way of making them funny."

"He always did have a talent for performing for crowds," Ford admitted, glad he was no longer on stage.

"You should see him giving tours at the Mystery Shack," Dipper said, missing they Ford tensed. "Even with a room full of obviously fake stuff, he's still able to entertain them enough that throwing money at him, literally sometimes."

Ford had to clench his jaw to keep from ranting about what an insult the "Mystery Shack" was to his work. Dipper probably wouldn't like him being angry with Stan, especially with what was currently going with him and his sister. Forcing himself to relax, Ford let himself be an outside observer of Stan's performance.

Stan somehow managed to take the audience that had been so against Ford to be paddy in his hands. Laughter could be heard pretty much after every joke and they seemed to hang onto every word when Stan told a story. Ford had to admit it if only to himself, that Stan really had a talent for this kind of thing. It didn't surprise Ford that Stan had been able to run a tourist trap for all these years and Stan always had a knack for weaving fun stories out of thin air.

Stan's storytelling had kept him entertained for hours when they were kids, with themselves featured as the main heroes. Once they found the Stan O' War, the stories featured all the adventures they'd have when they sail away. It hurt for Ford to think of those times, especially knowing how it ended, but he was surprised to feel a fondness for those memories as well, especially as he continued to listen to Stan perform now. He could just imagine how great Stan would be at giving his tours…

Ford - 2692

"My ex-wife still misses me… but her aim is getting better!" Stan smiled as the audience cheered. "Still though… I will always remember her as the one that got away… I still don't know how she escaped all those traps I set…"

The room erupted into loud laughter, finally filling the meter. Stan bowed and waved as he walked off the stage as the audience clapped.

"And that's how it's done," Stan grinned, flipping the door open. "Let's blow this joint. All we need to do now is get your sister."

"And then we'll all be able to go home!"Dipper cheered as he walked with Stan. Ford didn't think it'd be that easy, but they're at least seemed to be taking steps in the right direction. For now, they'll focus on getting to Mabel, by then Ford should have a plan to get them all out of here by then.