Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik, unparalleled genius and occasional world conqueror, was having a duvet day.
In fact, he was having a duvet week. His last plan had it all. An energy field bigger than his head, a giant robot, a mass-insanity generator, and a vastly convoluted scheme that had very nearly netted him control over half the planet. As opposed to just his usual sprawling territory. But, once again, an annoying hedgehog and his fun-size sidekick had stepped in on his fun. They broke his newest invention, and worst of all, shut down his latest theme park and its army of deranged attendants.
It was a little demoralising.
An alarm blazed into life on Eggman's desk, screens popping up to reveal a depressingly familiar blue hedgehog charging through his foyer. Badniks and gun emplacements exploded as he streaked through them.
Eggman raised a hairless brow. This wasn't how the game was usually played. He didn't blast their homes from orbit, after all. There was a certain ritualistic quality to their engagements. Including leaving him some "me" time to think up something new and exciting for their next engagement.
Still, never interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake and all that. Eggman neatly folded his duvet across the back of his throne, smoothing his red and green pajamas to look a tad more presentable. Sonic would be here far before he'd managed to get dressed properly. He tapped a button on his throne and settled down to wait.
"Orbot" Clear the path for my guest to come here, and see that we are not disturbed."
"You say that as if anybody else wanted to see you, boss."
"Oh, shut up!" Eggman snapped, scowling as he stared at the screen. Without opposition, Sonic accelerated towards his chamber. A mighty crash resounded from the thick metal doors as he slammed into it, body a blur of light.
Eggman hummed, idly tapping his fingers against the arm of his throne as he waited, listening and watching. The hedgehog that was his nemesis slammed time and time again into the barrier. Finally, he dropped to a crouch a short distance from the door. His body spun in place, revving like an engine as he built up speed and momentum to become a living buzzsaw that could tear through the thick steel like so much tissue.
"Finally." The doctor snorted, tapping another button on his arm rest.
Sonic launched, faster than the human eye could detect, tearing up the floor beneath him as he hurtled into the door… which opened up for him. He hurtled into the room, slamming into the grasp of a mechanical catcher's mitt poised for that very purpose.
"Eggman!" Sonic's furious yell came somewhat muffled through the thick padding around him.
"Why, Sonic." Eggman clapped his hands. The mitt pinched mechanical fingers around the hedgehog's spines to dangle him in front of his throne. "To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"
"Don't play- Whoa, new look? Looks good on you. Slimming. Now where's Tails?!"
"Tails?" Eggman rubbed his bald head with a frown. "Tails who?"
Sonic growled, struggling to wriggle free of the mitt.
"Oh! Of course. Fox? Yay high? Bane of my existence second only to you?" Eggman snorted. "Haven't seen him."
"Why- You're gonna be sorry when I find out what you've done with him!" Sonic kicked out, bending the metal contraption with the impact, but its grip held firm.
"Sonic, my dear boy. Do you remember what happened the last time I captured you?" Eggman stood, posturing grandly against the finery of his throne room, a motion only mildly spoiled by being in his pajamas. "You were locked up for six months. Fox boy was useless without you. I took over the entire planet? Good times."
Sonic went to reply, but Eggman clicked his tongue. A swarm of robotic mouths popped out of the ground at his feet, shushing him.
"And do you remember what happened the last time anyone captured Tails? He was out and thwarting my plans by the end of the afternoon."
Sonic scowled, body quivering in silent rage.
"Get it? Fox boy simply isn't worth my time nowadays. Without you, he's harmless. Too busy being afraid of his own shadow. While you on the other hand..."
Eggman's finger was halfway down to his control panel when the first bolt fell out of the mitt. It crumbled apart moments later. Sonic had vibrated it apart with his own body.
Before Eggman could blink, the blue blur launched itself at him. Hands clutched his pajama shirt tight enough to strain the fabric as the diminutive mobian stared him in the eye, feet planted on his chest.
"You had better be telling the truth."
By the time Eggman had finished falling backwards, the hedgehog was gone. The exploding sound barrier heralded his departure.
"Sonic finished beating you up again, boss?" Orbot trundled into the room a few moments later, a steaming mug balanced on a tray held in the crimson robot's crimson fingers.
"Oh, I'm sure it went great before Sonic beat you up this time, right, boss?" Cubot, Orbot's boxy yellow counterpart spoke up from the doorway.
"... I don't think he hears us. He's doing the hand thing again."
"Quiet, you imbeciles. I'm thinking." Eggman snatched the mug from the tray, gulping the bitter drink as he sat, still brooding on the grease stained floor. "And clean up this mess!"
"Oh gross." Cubot sighed, staring at the scattered mechanical parts. "Not again."
Twirling his moustache around a finger, the doctor let out a dark chuckle.
"With the fox out of the way, what a delicious opportunity to deal with that hedgehog once and for all!"
The chuckle grew into a deep maniacal cackle, the doctor's rotund belly quivering until he suddenly stopped short.
"Wait. Who did take Tails?"
Miles trudged forward, goggles pulled down to protect his eyes from the grains of grayish purple sand lashing at his body.
At least he'd found the source of the smell. This tainted desert reeked, and the sandstorm only made it worse. Every grain of sand carried the sickly sweet stench of putrefaction and rot. He couldn't get used to it no matter how long he'd been stuck out in it.
He couldn't even see the mountains he was using to orient himself now. And the wind was strong enough that if he tried to use his tails to move he'd get dragged off into the sky.
Well, there were other reasons he didn't much want to be up there as well.
So slow and steady it was. He'd been needing to work on his leg exercises anyway.
If only it wasn't for the smell. A scarf would have come in handy right now. It wasn't as though it was hot, after all. Quite the opposite. Dull clouds choked out the sun shortly after he arrived in the desert, and the blustering winds showed no signs of managing to shift them. As though the taint extended all the way up to the atmosphere.
A shape loomed briefly up ahead of Miles, jutting triangular spines that swiftly sank back beneath the surface. He frowned, white cheeks caked with grains of purple. His world had sand worms, vast monsters that devoured anything foolish enough to wander the barren wastes of places like the Green Hill zone. A regional variant?
He kept walking, treading softer than before, his tails dragging along the sand at his feet.
It wouldn't be the first horror he'd met today. A massive floating monster with too many eyes and wriggling flagella had swooped in at him as soon as he'd approached the desert. It had flown high above, launching globules of rancid spit the size of his head until he'd applied his Science Stick to it more than two dozen times. He thought he'd seen several more like it drifting through the skies above a few times now. Whether they'd not noticed him or didn't dare risk the hostile environment down here he wasn't sure.
Well, environment or predators. Another shape loomed up ahead, twice his size and covered in thick, jagged spines.
… A cactus. Miles peered at it, tapping its hard surface. Unlike the thorns from before, it showed no signs of giving way to his touch. Possibly useful as a-
The sand at his feet shifted. Forewarned by his tails, Miles threw himself to the side as a creature burst from the sand, fishlike fins wriggling. Chunks of cactus oozed viscous yellow liquid down a bony beak large enough to swallow him whole. Multiple eyes in all the wrong places locked onto him for a moment before it slipped back beneath the surface once more.
Miles ran.
Or tried to. Sand sprayed behind him as his sneakers skidded over the loose grains. He stumbled, sprawling across the floor. The ground just in front of his nose transformed into a gaping maw, snapping shut close enough to wrench a few strands of fur from his forehead.
Miles lashed his tails forward into an eyeball encrusted flank. The blow left a deep gash of bubbling green before he pounced on all fours beneath it. The wind, momentarily broken by the sand horror's presence, struck him once more with full force. He almost stumbled back into the creature's mouth as it slammed back down to the sand.
No good. It was luck he'd tripped it that time. He just wasn't heavy enough to manoeuvre and stay on the ground. He'd-
Miles launched himself to the side as a sand horror launched towards him. A second mouth barely missed it and him both as it snapped upwards, the signs where he'd struck it before still visible.
And there was more than one of them. Great.
Miles dropped low to the ground once more, feeling the sand flowing beneath him with his fingertips, lips moving as he silently counted the seconds, calculating...
Now.
He leapt sideways, stabbing his tails into the floor for anchorage. Pulling his other stick from hammerspace he threw it in a single motion to throw into the first monster's mouth.
Again.
He dragged himself backwards with his tails, delivering a punch hard enough to shatter stone to the second creature's largest eye. It flopped sideways, the first monster crashing down on top of it to drag both down into the sandy depths.
Miles flicked green from his glove.
"Bon appe- ptooey!" Miles spat foul tasting grit from his mouth. Eugghhh. Should have kept his mouth shut.
There was silence for another few seconds, as though the universe was daring him to try quipping again. Then the sand around him shifted with the rumble of a subterranean explosion.
A cavernous hole opened in the sand below, revealing pale yellow bricks a stark contrast with the surrounding purple... And the green streaked remains of the two sand monsters.
Miles briefly managed to wonder where all the sand had disappeared to before the wind dragged him spiralling down into the depths.
