A/N:
What's more tasteless: making jokes, or detailed sex scenes about an old man and a young girl that creepily emphasize how young she is?
Or describing a seven year old as a nymph and her form as "shapely"?
Or a million other things lol?
Only my (we're lady P) fic parodying general smut plot ideas is less tasteless then the things bellaluna writes about. What did John Tudors write that's tasteless or even JohnnyFennixLyte or JP the Fandom Conqueror? Also why are our stories clogging up the fandom? (Besides John bumping a lot of stories that weren't updated anyways - 6 of them were JP's anyways & JP doesn't care)/ Don't bellaluna & athenias' alts' many many fics clog up the fandom? Are our fics not allowed to be there?
P.S. If this story is tasteless it's because the source material it's parodying is tasteless. Good job owning yourself LOL!
I think bellalunatic also meant JP & Johnnyfennix's fics were also clogging up the fandom to bc she said ''the spammers' stories were clogging up the fandom". Only one of the ppl who share John Tudors wrote the stories.
The day after the execution of the queen (I think her name started with a B, or maybe an X), Mary donned a hood and a cloak and snuck into a clearing in the forest. She pushed back her hood, letting her loose hair fall over her shoulders, and revealed she was actually Mary all along?!
A man whinnied and Robin Hood rode over on his horse.
"So, Princess Mary," asked Robin, reins bundled in one hand, moustache hairs flowing in the breeze, a gallant figure indeed, "why do you need the assistance of the merry men?"
"I need you to get rid of Anne de Shiteleu," said Mary, handing him a sack of gold. "I can't let her give my father a male heir."
"Okay, sure," said Robin. "I can't pass up an opportunity to thumb my nose at the king's authority, or to kidnap someone. But," he looked around and scanned the tops of the trees, "I must warn you about someone. My brother Robert Hood. He's sort of my rival. He's always trying to one-up me. He may interfere with our plans."
Robin slowly turned his head and looked directly into the camera.
"He's like me but sexier."
"You're not supposed to look at that," snapped Mary.
Robin laughed. "Sorry, but I think the camera is as attracted to me as I am."
"Just get rid of Anne de Pisseleu."
Robin cocked his head. His horse repeated the gesture.
"Who?" asked Robin.
"I'm sorry, I mean Anne de Shiteleu."
"Faith," exclaimed Robin, "these women sound like they belong in the toilet! But very well!"
"Just make sure this Robert Hood doesn't cause any problems for us," warned Mary.
"Of course." He lowered his voice confidentially. "Just between you and me, I believe Robert is based on someone from real life."
"I don't care, you silly green man," said Mary. "Just do what you're told."
Robin looked down and wrinkled his forehead. "Of course." His face smoothed and he looked up. "Why didn't I think of that? Good bye!"
Mary laughed once he had ridden off.
"Ahaha, soon no one will be able to stand in my way!"
Meanwhile, Robin was deep in thought as his horse galloped down the forlorn forest path.
"I wonder what role my brother will play in this intriguing affair..." He cupped his chin and rubbed his head. But to do this he had to let go of the reins and his horse veered into the other lane and almost crashed into a peasant cart that'd been stolen by a pair of highwaymen.
"Watch where you're going!" one of the highwaymen cried from atop his horse, shaking a fist at him. "Jackass!"
"Whoops! Sorry!" called Robin over his shoulder. He turned his attention back to the forest path and shook his head. "Well, now it's time to put my plan into action!"
Later that night the merry men kidnapped Anne de Shiteleu secretly from the castle and locked her in the top floor of a tower deep in the forest.
"Let me go!" cried Anne de Shiteleu. She swooned against the wall.
"Sorry, no can do," said Robin, hands on his hips. He jerked his head at the guard at his side. "This guard will make sure you stay put."
Anne straightened herself up against the wall and glared at Robin.
"I shall escort myself to him in exchange for my freedom," she said nobly. "Even if it means sacrificing my honor."
Robin turned away to leave and laughed. "I'd like to see you try!"
Once Robin was gone, Anne got down on her knees and leaned into the guard's crotch, but bumped her forehead against something hard.
"Ouch!" She rubbed her head and scowled up at the guard. "What was that?"
"It's a male chastity belt," explained the guard. "Robin Hood has forced me to wear it forever."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Anne shook her fists at the heavens, still on her knees. She had evolved to live 95% of life on her knees servicing random kings. But now her powers were useless.
She sobbed and crawled into the bed in the corner of the room and hid her face under the $1,000,000 blankets, bemoaning her sorry fate. She ate chocolate and sipped lemonade until the bed's vibration function allowed her to drift off into an uneasy sleep.
Will our hero get to prostitute herself in time? Or will she not be able to whore herself out to random men? READ THE NEXT CHAPTER TO FIND OUT!
