CHAPTER 3
There was only darkness. Darkness and coldness surrounding him. He could see nothing, a hood had been pulled over his head but he could hear him. His sickly sweet voice in his ears, his breath too close on his neck, making his skin crawl. Every cell ins his body revolted against the unwanted touch, the way his fingers lingered on his body. He forced himself to remain calm, breathing evenly and not giving his opponent the satisfaction of knowing that he was fighting a bubbling panic rising like bile in his throat…
James woke with a start. He sat up swiftly, pulling his feet under his body ready to fight or fly at any given moment. His body, stiff from sleep and the uncomfortable position on the floor, protested with quite unhealthy sounds. His heart was beating furiously in his chest, he was drenched in a cold sweat as he took in the room he found himself in. Just the thought of being surrounded by four empty walls made his adrenaline spike. His throat felt uncomfortably tight as his breathing quickened and he struggled to take in enough air to fight the upcoming panic. Deep breaths he reminded himself of his training and forced his mind away from the images in his head to take in the surroundings. M's living room. Judging by the light shining in through one of the windows, morning was not far off, he apparently had gotten a couple of hours of sleep somehow. Across from him he could make out the shape of M sitting in an armchair by the fireplace – she must have stayed to watch over him. He didn't know if for his sake or her and her husband's though.
Groaning James got up from the floor and picked up the blanket. His shock had worn off slightly but now he could feel a pounding headache coming on and in his mind the images of the dream were still fresh, making him wish for another drink. At least the worst of his exhaustion had worn off so he guessed that he could keep going for a few more hours until his body forced him to rest again – and face his demons, unable to sleep. He banned the thought from his mind as he stood before the sleeping M. Careful not to touch or startle her in any way he placed the blanket over her sleeping form then he took his leave just like he had come – unseen.
##
It was a misty morning in London, the air was humid and cool making him turn up the collar on his coat as he walked swiftly down the still empty streets. London, just like any other city rarely slept but there was a brief time when its streets were almost empty – no cars on the roads, no people walking the pavements, no ships on the river. Just stillness. Usually it was his favourite time. He loved these brief moments when the city seemed to sleep until the bustling of everyday life began anew. Today he hated it. The quiet made his head hurt, the emptiness gave his eyes nothing to look at, nothing to tear his mind away from the images in his head. He quickened his walk, moving expertly through the streets until he came close to the docks. Here life had already begun – the first workers were starting their day, shouting orders. Gulls were in the sky screaming. The air, even more humid this close to the water, smelled strongly of tang and salt. And strangely enough that was, what brought him some kind of relief. That and the fact that in the docks you could get a drink at any given time of the day.
##
M had entered her office in a sour mood this morning for several reasons. First she was angry at herself for falling asleep and having lost her agent again, second she was grumpy from not getting nearly enough sleep at her age and third she had had a row with Nigel over breakfast, discussing the breaking and entering of 'this drunk thug'. It really wasn't one of her better days. And knowing Bond it might just get worse.
Arriving in Vauxhall she had requested all information on Bond's extraction from Silva's lair and was just taking another look at it again. The only thing she did not touch was the video footage of his rescue. The notes were enough. 'found naked in a small cell… presumably tortured… denied all medical attention…attacked personnel on site… withdrawn and aggressive.' He had broken the wrist of one of the personnel send to get him out, two ribs of another. She was worried.
A knock on the door interrupted her train of thoughts and she mumbled a quick 'enter' before shutting the files on her computer. It was Tanner. "Ma'am, I just wanted to inform you that Bond has missed his medical appointment and his psych evaluation this morning." At this she only raised an eyebrow at her chief of staff as if asking him if he really considered that news. It was Bond, after all.
##
James had spent a couple of hours down by the docks, trying to hide from the nightmares in his head. He was not quite drunk again, there was only so much even he could drink on an empty stomach, but he was not sober either. A little inebriated maybe, just enough to keep him from flinching at every movement or noise and brave enough to face M again. He knew that if he did not go to her she would find him and that he did not want. So he had made his way towards headquarters as the morning turned noon. His heart was beating furiously in his chest but he forced himself to appear calm to the outside world. He put a smirk on his face, straightened his spine and walked straight into MI6. Show no fear.
M was sitting behind her desk when Bond entered, her fingertips pressed against each other and eyeing him curiously. He wore the same clothes as last night, wrinkled and dirty from spending half the night on her living room floor and the morning go knew where. He was not drunk but she could see that his blue eyes were just as bloodshot as last night and she did not need to smell his breath to know he had drunk again this morning.
"007." She greeted him coolly as he staggered slightly and turned towards Tanner, giving him a lopsided grin. "Morning Tanner." "Sit down, Bond." M said again and fixed him with a pointed stare which he promptly ignored. To her surprise he did sit down though, leaning back in the chair as if he was completely at ease but angling his body in a way that allowed him to look at her and Tanner at the same time while having his back not fully turned on the door behind him. To the less observant eye he probably appeared the perfect picture of calm, over-confident agent. But she saw behind the mask: his body was tensed like a coil, ready to spring at any moment, his eyes though bloodshot and clouded from alcohol and exhaustion darted around the room not missing a detail and a thin film of sweat was on his brow, trickling down the side of his face. He was like a wild animal – ready to attack if cornered.
"You had an appointment with medical this morning. And a psych evaluation." She said and watched his profile for any reaction. His jaw tightened but his voice remained level. "Must have slipped my mind." He replied, showing off an easy lopsided grin. M's eyes narrowed the fraction of a second – he knew exactly which buttons to push to rile her up and she could feel her temper flaring but she had sworn herself she would keep it in check. This was what he wanted – an excuse to storm off, to hide away and not deal with the emotions he had so carefully locked away.
"What happened on that island, Bond?" she asked, forcing him to meet her eyes. They were cold like icy pools, hard and carefully guarded. "Nothing worth mentioning." He replied but the tremor in his voice and his tightly clenched fists betrayed him. "Whatever he did…" Bond jumped to his feet. "Nothing. He did nothing." He repeated in a voice that allowed no argument.
"You attacked the team getting you out, you injured two of them, you arrived in London drunk and are still drunk…" Tanner remarked from the side. Bond fixed him with a glare, then he turned back to M. "This conversation is over." He said simply before turning and walking out of the room.
"Thank you, Tanner." M spat out disapprovingly before pressing the button on her intercom. "Moneypenny." A moment later the woman entered, carrying a notepad and giving off an air of perfect efficiency. "Keep an eye on Bond. I don't care how you do it, get Q on it – hack into every security camera, every CCTV. Just don't let him out of your sight." She commanded and Moneypenny nodded.
####
Let me know what you think :)
