Anne de Shiteleu trembled in terror as the horrifying sounds of the besiegers knocking on the door rose up to her window. Meanwhile, Robin was barking orders.

"Defend the tower! Man the cannons!"

"But, sir," piped up a marry man, "we don't have any cannons."

Robin grabbed him by the collar and shook him. "Damn it, then cannon the men! I don't have time to make sense!" He lifted him by the belt and the scruff of the neck and tossed him out the window.

Suddenly Anne de Shiteleu screamed and pointed.

"Ahhhh! Monster!"

She tried to grab onto Robin, but he stepped back and let her fall onto the floor.

"Don't touch me, please, you filthy diseased whore," said Robin Hood politely. "And calm down. Surely there's nothing to scream about?" There was the distant sound of splintering wood as the besiegers broke down the doors of the tower.

"Oh, Robin," said Anne de Shiteleu, lifting her face off the floor, "I just saw a horrible, ugly, disgusting , ugly monster! I almost threw up at the sight of it!"

"Fret not," said Robin, pointing to a full length mirror in the corner. "That was just your reflection. Now, please, woman, control yourself. I have work to do."

Anne de Shiteleu couldn't help but wonder how her beloved husband was doing. She looked around the room for a Greek statue to escort with.

ELSEWHILE

King Henry was sitting in a chair in a room.

A man in a stupid hat ran into the room.

"Sire! Sire! Anne de Shiteleu has been kidnapped by Robin Hood! And she's being besieged by Protestant Catholics!"

Henry's eyes bulged out and he accidentally sucked his juicebox straw down his throat.

"No!" he coughed. "My beloved!"

He called the seven wise men into the room.

"Wise men, what do you think of this chapter?" asked King Henry. "In the history of our kingdom, I mean."

"Anne is besieged and pregnant," said one wise man sagely.

Henry cupped his chin and nodded. "Hmm, yes, astute analysis."

"I'm afraid for Anne being besieged and pregnant," said an older and wiser man. "I hope she has a son named Larry or Booboo."

"Yes, but how are you liking Anne de Shiteleu?" asked the king.

"I am liking Anne de Shiteleu."

"Good," nodded the king. "But what else do you have to say?"

"I am liking Anne de Shiteleu," said the wise man. "Wow! Anne is besieged and pregnant. Wow! She is trapped. Wow! I am so scared for her."

"I am also liking Anne de Shiteleu," said the wisest man. "I choose options 4-7. Anne de Shiteleu should not die in the tower. She should live to a ripe old age."

Harry paced back and forth across the throne room, brow furrowed.

"I feel we need to hear more opinions on this matter," said Henry. "Just to be sure. Also, I forgot my name was Henry for a second."

They brought thousands of caged parrots into the room.

"Squawk! Squawk! I like Anne de Shiteleu! Besieged and pregnant! SQUAWK!"

Henry patted the wisest, eldest parrot on the head and gave it a cracker.

"You've always been my greatest reviewers," said the king. "I mean council."

"SQUAWK!"

Next, they ran out of parrots to say Anne de Shiteleu was pregnant, so they laid around on the floor and played with sock puppets.

"I'm liking Anne de Shiteleu," said Henry in a falsetto out of the side of his mouth. "Poor Anne besieged with her unborn son and being pregnant... It's horrible..."

After 542 comments of this whoops I mean after a few hours of this, Henry got off the floor.

"All right, men, I've think we've confirmed two things," said the King. "One, Anne de Shiteleu is besieged and pregnant. Two, I am liking Anne de Shiteleu, because she is heavy with my male heir."

"What shall we do, sire?" asked a random guy. Don't worry, he's not important.

"I say we procrastinate and describe furniture for about ten thousand more words," said the king. "More words = better. That way nothing interesting will happen and we can extend the story, excuse me," he corrected himself, "real life longer." He looked around. "Unless anyone has any constructive criticism to offer? I'm always open to it."

"Yes, Your Majesty," said a young knight, "I believe you've wasted too much time on extraneous matters. We should do something now."

Henry got red in the face. "Constructive criticism? Against the king? When I didn't even ask for it? DIE!"

He pulled a lever and a rock fell from the ceiling and killed the guy on the head.

"All right," said King Henry, pointing to a map, "according to my spies, Anne is being held in this tower. The only problem is that it's in the forest, which is dark and scary. If we send the army, they might get scared and go home." He looked around. "Does anyone have any constructive criticism?"

"Yes," said a brave voice. Everyone gasped. A man swung into the room on a rope. "My name... is Robert Hood."

WHATHAPPENSNEXTINTHISEXCITINGSTORY

SORRYMYSPACEBARSTOPPEDWORKING

BUTPLEASEREADANDREVIEW