Chapter 3

The baby pink bundle wriggled in his arms. Her skin was soft and caramel, almond eyes the deepest shade of brown, hair straight and dark. She babbled at her father, who sniffled.

"Hi…" Tony murmured. Sidra leaned over from the hospital bed, running a finger down the length of the baby's swaddled body. She groaned as she sat up further to kiss Tony on the cheek.

"So we've figured out the first and middle name. Whose last name is she getting?"

A wave of guilt washed over Tony. The name 'Almeida', despite its reasonable commonality, had become somewhat synonymous with terror in the last decade. He hadn't seen any of his family since the faking of his death. Last he heard, most of them had fled back to Chicago to avoid the incessant press that had been pursuing them in Los Angeles. Some had even been forced into Witness Protection, with several of the victims' families out for revenge. "Give her yours. She shouldn't be associated with me." His voice was sad.

"I-I don't want her connected to me either. Just in case they somehow have access to…" She shook her head. "Our daughter deserves a fresh start."

He pressed his lips into a thin line. "You were going to take Maya's surname, weren't you? When you were going to get married?"

She gave him a quizzed look. "Yeah…why?"

"Why not give her Maya's? At least that way we're choosing something meaningful."

The endearing look on his face inclined her to agree with him. Her fiancé's surname had been somewhat common after all, so the likelihood of anybody forming a connection was much lower. Sidra wrote their daughter's full name on the form, sliding it over to him. The corners of his mouth upturned.

Rayna Michelle Cohen

"Perfect."

Finalising the details, she poked his arm playfully. "Hey. My turn to hold her. You can sign this."

He passed Rayna back to her mother. Tony couldn't help but smile. He'd never seen so much warmth and love in her expression. Throughout the pregnancy she'd seemed so scared, and rightfully so. But now that their daughter was here, and now that they had some form of closure that she was safe, she could finally drop her guard a little.

"She's got your eyes." Tony mused, softly. His index finger brushed lightly against the side of her tiny head. That elicited a small frown from her.

Sidra snorted. "And your angry scowl."

He laughed through his nose. It was true. When she'd made that face, the subtle angle in her jaw and nose became more apparent. It was a protuberant reminder that she was his daughter, too. Of course he'd expected her to look like her mother, but it truly amazed him at this moment how much she could look like him too.

A little while later, Chloe came into the ward, brandishing a larger-than-life teddy bear, and a letter from Jack. Tony had seen a lot of happiness surface in Chloe these last few months too. Jack, for the most part, seemed well. The prison wasn't particularly violent or tough on people who did their labour and stayed quiet. He said compared to China, his conditions now were laughable. They'd even let him have a few books with some pen and paper. He spent his free time writing manuscripts, some in Russian, some in English. And now, he had something else to write about too. Jack had insisted on no photos being sent, as much as it hurt. He wanted them, really, but he also knew that a photo could be sufficient enough for someone to figure out how to put out a hit or a threat. And he damn well couldn't risk that. After all, his imprisonment was for their protection. Tony was sure Chloe already had half of her next letter ready, leaving a blank space only for the explicit description of Rayna she was going to write. Tony was surprised when Jack wrote a letter to him too, a few months into the correspondence system. He had written back, apologising more genuinely than he felt he'd ever had the chance to. And, as far as Tony could tell, Jack seemed happy that Tony had managed to find some semblance of peace in his life. That despite how similarly life had screwed them, each of them had found some way to make it work.

"Come hold your goddaughter." Sidra called over.

Chloe was teary too, cooing softly to Rayna. Tony couldn't quite place the flurry of emotions he was feeling. Was grief and pain over Michelle reemerging? Absolutely. Was he sad deep down that she'd never be around to experience this, that they never got this far? Of course. Was he terrified for Rayna's safety, still paranoid that something horrible would happen? Definitely. Scared because oh shit, he was a father now? That too.

But Tony knew the overwhelming joy he felt right now was set to last.

He just knew it.

It wasn't for a few sleepless but blissful months that Tony was able to go to Michelle's grave. Talking to her regularly had been something he'd tried to commit to, to help him work through his grief, to help him be a better person, a better partner, and now, a better father. Sidra had practically forced him out the door today. She knew it was important for him. And a huge part of her was so honoured that Tony had taken the brave step of having a child with her. And not just have the child but devote to raising her too. So she was willing to let him do whatever he needed to manage his existing grief and pain. After all, she knew he'd do the same for her too.

"I know it's been a while, sorry. A lot's happened these last few months." He laid the flowers down, the sun radiating on his back. "I-I'm a father now. Sidra and I have a daughter. She's…she's beautiful. Her name is Rayna, after Sidra's mother. Her middle name…well it's yours, I hope you don't mind. " He laughed, tears welling at the corners of his eyes. "And it's been incredible. I mean I always wanted kids, but to actually have one now…it's insane. It's insane how much love I feel for her, how she never fails to make me happy. Even when she cries, to me, it's just another reminder that something good can and has come out of all the bad."

He took in a shuddering breath. "But it's also made me realise even more now just how damn wrong I was. How wrong the things I did were. How wrong I was to believe that the only way to deal with loss was to just project that pain and loss onto others. It's…it's so wrong. There's something a little ironic in there that it took me becoming a father, it took me seeing new life, to realise just how much destruction I caused. How much life has been lost because of me. It's so god-damn wrong how far I took it. I realise now that finding happiness was possible, that none of what I did was necessary. Getting to Alan Wilson didn't help me at all. I should have believed Jack when he told me that. And I'm sure if you were here you'd be telling me I should have listened to him too. It's killing me that it took all this to force me to understand." His voice wavered, composure dissipating. "And it's killing me even more that I can't share the happiness I'm feeling right now with you. That we never got the chance to do this together."

The tears fell slowly. He allowed them to fall, accepting his emotions as they were. Accepting the pain and guilt, trying to focus on his breathing, trying to focus on the things around him so he wouldn't lose it completely.

"If it's one thing I can do now though, it's to make sure she's a good person. That she's strong and brave enough to do the right thing no matter what. The kind of person…" Tony's voice broke again. "The kind of person you would have wanted our children to grow up and become."

He stayed there for a little while longer, speaking quietly to her, before saying goodbye and driving home. Familiar intrusive thoughts and doubt tempted Tony. Tempted him to cry out and rage. But he knew he was past that. He didn't want to be that person anymore. So he repressed the feelings and allowed the tension to grow, thinking he'd have to battle it, thinking that now that he'd spoken to Michelle about his new life that somehow he was about to spiral right back to the initial raw pain of his grief.

But when Tony came home and took Rayna in his arms, watched her breathe, watched her squirm, watched her reach out to him, assurance consumed him.

Because the tension faded.

And the happiness emerged.