HOPELESS

"Sorry, Emma. I lost… Should've known, I'm no match for him."

Annie found herself visiting Emma more often these days. Where else was she supposed to go? Her intimidating countenance and inherent reclusive nature always made it hard for her to make friends. Besides, not many could understand her Russian sarcasm. Despite that, Emma Sano was the first friend she ever made in Japan.

There was a time she had befriended Hinata Tachibana and Yuzuha Shiba (albeit, thanks to Emma). But that was a long time ago and she was sure that they had all moved on with their lives. All she had left was Emma; or rather, the memories she shared with her.

No wonder the cemetery had become her second home. Annie had no friends. The ones she had were either dead or distant. Even Mikey had moved one. She seemed to be the only one still stuck in the past. Whose fault was that really? Could she still blame Mikey; even though she had never made any efforts to stand up against him herself? Even though she should have (and could have) put an end to this toxic one-sided relationship a long time ago.

Yeah, she couldn't put all the blame on him. She too was at fault. She should've been more relentless, she should've acted out sooner; she should've been more involved. It's not like she didn't own a major portion of the company stocks.

Bonten was only able to become Bonten after Annie used her inherited shares of the Tatsugami and allied conglomerates and merged them with Mikey's holding company; which then led to the creation of Bonten. It was Kokonoi's idea sure, and it had made Mikey particularly happy that Bonten would now run operations, not only in Japan but also in Russia. But Annie had only agreed to it because she was also able to retain a sizable amount of the company's stocks; third only to Mikey's and Koko's.

"So much for that", she scoffed, rolling her eyes and almost glaring at the tombstone in front of her. "Your brother's a jerk, Emma. He can't even show common courtesy. Wonder why I liked him."

That was a good question. Why did she like him? Did she even like him? Annie was always under the impression that she loved Mikey. But did she really? Or was she altered to believe so?

That notion didn't sit well with Annie. Back in Toman, she used to be completely unrestricted and uncompromised. They called her the Red Shinigami. She never lost a single fight and she certainly never let anyone boss her over. She only ever recognised Mikey to be worthy enough to tell her what to do. And she followed through without question.

Ah, so that was it. She never questioned Mikey from the very beginning. She had always respected his strength and tenacity. She was painfully aware of all that he had lost. She was there to witness most of it. And yet he was never defenceless. By no means did that imply he was not fragile. But his fragility was akin to that of a ticking time bomb. Annie had faced her share of misery too, but unlike him, she was always falling apart at the seams.

"Might as well have been made of glass instead of flesh."

She heaved a heavy sigh. But her sentiments just seemed to get weightier and weightier. She just wanted a moment of respite. She has been struggling all her life didn't she deserve a break already?

Annie's definition of a break was drowning herself in unscrupulous amounts of ice cream while binging on the sappiest and teeth rotting k-dramas she could find. She couldn't help it, underneath that resting bitch face; she was rather tender at heart. Unfortunately, she didn't think mint-choco or Lee Minho would cut it this time. This time, she will require something a little more potent.

The first thing that popped into her head was alcohol. No wonder she found herself seated at the bar-top of the nearest bar she could find. It was a little run down and dilapidated. The people in the bar might as well have had 'shady' tattooed on their foreheads. Annie was convinced if she further investigated, she would find hints of some very questionable business running in the bar's basement. As much as it will hurt her conscience, she chose to look the other way this time.

After marriage, Mikey had always made sure to keep all toxic substances away from Annie. "You can't die before me Ann.", was his usual excuse. Little did he know that he was far more toxic than any drug available on the market. So Annie had never had the chance to drink anything other than wine and champagne.

Though there was this one time during Toman, Baji and Chifuyu had snuck a crate of beer cans, which they somehow managed to snag from the local convenient store, into Annie's residence.

"Stopping Baji-san was impossible. So I decided to join him instead." Chifuyu explained as he neatly set his and Baji's shoes aside before entering the threshold of her apartment.

"This is not what I gave you my address for. I gave it specifically for emergencies." Annie asserted while Baji made himself at home.

"This is an emergency."

"Your thirst for underage drinking is not an emergency. What is that anyway?"

"Beer. And if we don't drink it all by today, it will expire. See? Emergency."

"Since when does alcohol expire?"

"Who cares about that? Bottom line is that we have twelve cans of beer to ourselves."

"What do you mean "we"?"

"Twelve cans are gonna be a bit too much for just the three of us. So I told the others about it. They'll be here soon."

"But only you and Emma know my address."

"Oh yeah. Don't worry about it. I gave it to the others."

That day, Annie realised two things; the first being that Chifuyu was freakishly strong, stronger than she had given him credit for at least because he not only held her back from cracking Baji's skull open but also did it with little effort (but then again, Annie wasn't actually trying to kill him). Either he was unbelievably strong, or his loyalty to Baji made him strong. The other thing was that she had zero tolerance for Baji's tomfoolery.

"Just because I live on my own, doesn't give you the right to turn my house into your rendezvous point for underhanded shenanigans!"

Sadly, after all that fuss, she wasn't quick enough to kick them out. Emma arrived with Mikey and Draken in tow, thwarting her attempt at wringing Baji's neck. Hakkai and Mitsuya arrived shortly after, they even brought along snacks to go with the beer. The Kawata twins arrived along with Pahchin and Peh. And before she knew it, the impromptu-Baji-induced-underage-drinking-party unravelled in full swing in Annie's living room.

"Thanks for having us Ann," Mitsuya said gratefully, taking a seat across the sofa, on the carpet in front of the coffee table. Hakkai sat down right next to him while earnestly trying his best to not make any eye contact with Annie. Though, he did bow at her before going back to admiring her carpet.

"Can't believe you went along with this Takashi." She said gesturing at the carte on her coffee table while settling down on the sofa between Emma and Mikey. The rest were all sprawled over her carpet.

"Well, believe it or not, Mitsuya is a delinquent. His reputation would be at stake if he didn't." Darken explained opening the crate and passing out the cans to everyone.

"Sounds like you speak from experience Kenchin." Mikey quipped in sitting cross-legged on the sofa and reading all the fine print on the can in his hand.

The silence that followed along with Mikey's deliberate giggles made it amply clear that this wasn't the first time Draken would indulge in underage drinking. Besides, he too was intently staring at the carpet.

"What? Draken's already done this before? Awh, come on! You know we were all supposed to do this together, man!" Baji complained put off by his friend's betrayal.

Emma's crestfallen expressions didn't go unnoticed by Annie either. She always insisted that these things never bothered her, but Annie knew Emma gave a lot of importance to these little things, especially regarding her boyfriend. The awkward silence that ensued was suffocating; even Mikey seemed to have grasped the fact that he might have taken it a little far this time.

Pahchin was the first to pop his can. "So? Who cares? He's here now. He's here to drink with us. Getting mad is just dumb." He said and took his first swig. "Yeah! Pahchin's right. And he's dumb as a gorilla." Peh proclaimed and took a swig from his can. And suddenly Annie's living room was filled with the hiss of popped beer cans and a cacophony of delinquent banter.

Annie almost spat out the first gulp she took. Yup, it was official. She hated beer. The flavour was too unpleasant for her taste buds. Maybe it was her Russian genes, having an allergic reaction to something that was not Vodka. She was glad to know that she wasn't the only one. Judging by their expressions, Chifuyu and Mikey were having a hard time with each gulp. Emma, however, looked like she was quite enjoying her can. She even drank from Draken's can.

"Wait. We didn't raise a toast." Smiley pointed out. "Raising a toast when drinking for the first time is important." Angry affirmed.

"You guys sound like, you've done this before too." Mitsuya sighed shaking his head.

"Maybe. Or maybe not." Smiley chuckled.

"So what are we raising a toast to?" Draken interjected.

"Toman!" Mikey, Baji and Pachin cried out in unison. "Yeah! What Pahchin said!" Peh further cried.

"I think we should toast to Taka-chan," Hakkai said for the first time since setting foot in Annie's apartment. "Why him?" Chifuyu asked. "Because he's awesome." He replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Mitsuya chuckled. "Thanks, man, but I think we should just toast to Toman."

"Well, I wasn't to raise a toast to my relationship with Draken. Oh, and Annie too." Emma declared already raising her half-empty can.

"No." they both said in a very decisive tone.

"I think we should raise a toast to a new division," Annie said after a little thought. "I agree. Toman's growing. We need a new division." Draken quipped in nodding his head in agreement.

"Oh, no. That's not what I meant. I need a new division to keep Baji in check. I need at least ten people to punch him to next week when he tries to invade my residence again." Annie explained rather pleased with herself. "But then again, I guess this new division could be given the authority to punch anyone in the gang who doesn't follow the gang rules and not just Baji. Yeah, the new division will act as Toman's disciplinary committee." She said picking up her can and raising it upwards and proclaimed, "Cheers!"

"…cheers."

Letting out a rueful smile, Annie thought to herself, "Yeah, those were a good time." She nursed the umpteenth shot of tequila before her, wondering why she didn't like the taste of this either.

When Annie had expressed her desire to get drunk, the bartender suggested tequila. So Annie drank tequila, but she was neither drunk nor did she like the taste. Maybe alcohol just wasn't for her. She was going to pay for her tab and leave when the bartender brought another drink to her.

"Compliments from the gentleman across the bar."