INVADER ZIM BLEACH CROSSOVER
Prologue:
Dib and Gaz are eating cereal.
"The SOLOMONS are not aliens! You just think that cuz of the deleted texts of King Solomon that mention the space fish ninja" said Gaz.
"NO. It's because they have the same name as the family from Third Rock from the Sun!
And they have a shimmering purple crystal in their yard! Humans don't do that. The Duplicate Irkens are coming!" said Dib.
"Whatever," replied Gaz.
LATER...
It was a typical day in the horrible class taught by the enigmatically abhorrent Miss Bitters.
"WHO CAN TELL ME THE HISTORY OF BOLOGNA?" shrieked the terrible Bitters.
"I CAN!" shouted Zim, raising his hand. "It is the LARGEST city in the Emilia-Romagna region of Northern Italy!
It is FAT! RED! And KNOWLEDGEABLE!" screamed Zim, raising his fist as though he were emphatically rallying his Irken armies with vigorous cries of conquest.
"Wrong. Bologna is a hideous yet delicious meat devised mostly of pork sausage. What planet are you from?" asked Bitters.
"Apparently I know more about your planet than you humans-I mean-apparently, I know more about your planet than you proponents of
pork sausage do" said Zim. Dib was sitting directly across the chair from Zim.
"Hey, how is Zim getting all these obscure facts right? He's never even been to a library" said Dib.
"Maybe he's human and you're really the alien" said a kid from across the room.
"No one asked you!" shouted Dib, who seemed to be picking up Zim's hyper mannerisms as he tossed a small paper wad across the class.
"Dib, I am awfully surprised at your wonderfully horrible behavior. You should apologize to that insolent worm who insulted you and
do nice things with him. Like hopskotch, or World War One reinactments!" said Zim.
"How does an alien know what World War One is?" pondered Dib.
"I have been studying your world in hopes of conquering it. For the good of humanity!" shouted Zim.
"Class, tell me your favorite songs before Show and Tell!" said Bitters.
"Beethovens Fifth Sympthony" said Dib.
"FEARFUL HARMONY!" shouted Zim. He stopped speaking and looked nervous, twiddling his thumbs. "It's by the PsOnes. Well known progressive punk band, very popular in the 50's-ON PLANET ZORCH!" he added.
"Quiet you cretins, can't you see I'm busy cooking up a show and tell regimen?" said Bitters.
Suddenly, the classroom door burst open. There stood a cute young raven-haired woman with eyes of intuition and wisdom, along with her friend who looked like
he had swam in some rare form of non-toxic orange bleach due to his hair. He had a clever disposition as well that looked like he might be a spiritual
warrior in training. Zim just sat whistling to himself.
"Who are you two?" asked Miss Bitters.
"I am Rukia Kuchiki, captain of the thirteen division," replied Rukia.
"Thirteenth division? Of what?" asked Bitters.
"THE JUPITER ARMY! They want to conquer the Third Rock from the Sun! MARS, I mean-EARTH!" shouted Zim.
"Shut up Zim! And who are you young man?" Bitters asked the orange haired boy.
"I'm Ichigo, and I'm training to save the Earth from paranormal monstrosities" said Ichigo.
"I don't buy it," said Miss Bitters, snarling.
"To cut to the chase, we're actually foreign exchange students from Japan with wild imaginations that happen to be
completely accurate. Allow me to demonstrate" said Rukia, holding up a painting she drew. The entire class laughed
at the juvenile appearance of the painting.
"Ahem. In this world there are holes, souls, and hallows. When a soul becomes a hallow it is because
it has refused to move on to the next dimension, staying here so long they become terrible demons
with holes in their chests. Thanks to an invading alien species the earth is about to become a hallow, and I have drawn
here a picture of The Chosen One" said Rukia, as she held up a drawing of Dib.
"HEY! That looks like me. And I always knew the Earth was hollow!" shouted Dib.
"I LOVE YOUR ART! BEST ART EVER! SINCE THE MIGHTY WORK OF SHEL SILVERSTEIN!" shouted Zim.
"Who's Shel Silverstein?" asked Bib.
"He wrote the Missing Piece and the Big O. Classic literature. More human knowledge that proves I am one hundred percent authentic human worm dust" said Zim.
"If I punched a hole through that painting? I think it would become hollow" said one student.
"This isn't funny! This is DEAD SERIOUS stuff she's talking about here" said Ichigo, as Rukia held up another
picture that looked like a Furby in a level from Super Mario Land.
"Anyway, we're here because we know the Chosen One is too. We shall now sit by him" said Rukia, as she took a seat near Dib.
"There's an alien in this class" whispered Dib.
"We know that" replied Rukia. "Ichigo, though he's still in training was able to sense him miles away" she added.
"The only aliens are Rukia and Ichigo! They didn't mean to say Japan-they meant to say-JUPITER!" shouted Zim.
Dib was next for Show and Tell. He held up a small crystal that glowed purple.
"This is a purple crystal I found in the yard of my next door neighbors the Solomons. I think they're aliens
but that's beside the point. This crystal? It floats" said Dib, as he let go of the object.
"Big deal, my grandad knows how to do that" said one student.
"Ah, forget it" said Dib.
During Lunch Break:
"Who are you guys?" asked Dib, sipping a soda.
"Think of us like Mulder and Scully with one difference-we're way more lethal" replied Rukia.
"The truth is these two are just kratom smugglers. They're delinquents. They got put in prison on the Snow Planet
ten times already" shouted Zim.
"This crystal is evidence of an invasion. I read online that these things are found in the skulls of dead alien abductees
and they light up graveyards" said Dib.
"You could never pay me enough to light up a graveyard" said Rukia.
"That's interesting," said Ichigo. "I wonder if they're posessed by evil spirits"
"I don't know but I heard they come from the Duplicators. They're a species of aliens that can make themselves
look like other species" said Dib.
"Those might be the ones attempting to hack apart the Center Core of the Earth in order to turn it into a Hallow" concluded
Rukia.
"Exactly. And we have to figure it out before the invasion. Zim, I'm hoping you'll help us out" said Dib.
"I SHALL HELP! AND NEVER SHALL I DIVE INTO THE UGLY MITTEN OF TREACHERY that wreaks...OF SAWDUST!" shouted Zim.
"Ugh, is he always like that?" asked Rukia.
"Yeah, but it grows on you. Most people don't even know he's Irken, they just think he's some dude with a rare skin condition" replied Dib.
"I think maybe I could train him to defeat monsters. Or maybe he's even a Soul Reaper buried in that green ooze who knows" said Rukia.
"HOW MANY HALLOW DEMONS MUST I DEFEAT BEFORE I AM MADE SUPREME SOUL REAPER, REAPER OF SOULS, GUMMY WORMS, AND EARTH COMBINED?" shouted Zim.
Dib and Rukia laughed.
"You know if you keep laughing I'll induce mind control on both of you with Fearful Harmony" said Zim.
LATER THAT DAY, IN DIB'S BACKYARD GARAGE:
"Sweet roomy garage, you even got the sound of dial up internet when you open it up. I freaking love that so much, you just might be
soul mate" said Rukia.
"Nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. After this remote opens the garage? Feast your eyes on THIS!" shouted Dib, as a giant spaceship was on display.
"Wow, that must be Tak's ship. How much Zitcoin did you have to use to get it?" asked Rukia.
"She invented Zitcoin" said Ichigo, nudging Dib.
"SEE? They are selling kratom with Zitcoin! As well as SOAP! And WATER! And dill pickle flavored potato CHIIIIIIPS!" shouted Zim.
"We're officially going to approach a no-fly-zone. But with warp drive that far exceeds the galactic speed limit
we should be able to bypass any legal ramifications" said Rukia.
A small cute robot entered the garage.
"Doop doop doop, Betty Boop, doop doop doop" sang GIR.
"GIR, how did you manage to get into my-err-DIB's garage?" asked Zim.
"I just sliiiiipped on inside after he activated it with the thingy. Now I got dah thingy" said GIR as he flew away
with Dib's remote.
"GOOD FOR YOU GIR. GOOD FOR YOU!" shouted Zim, as GIR flew away up into the skies above.
"Where did you get that parrot on your shoulder?" asked Dib, noticing a bird on Rukia's back.
"Oh. I-I-a friend-gave it to me. After-buying it-from a pet shop" explained Rukia
nervously. Why the sudden pauses in-between sentences? This and more was circulating in Dib's mind like minestroni soup that was spilling out of
a giant bowl in the central hub of the stratosphere of the core mind of creation.
Later...
"GOOD WORK GIR! They're HERE! The Duplicate Irkens are conquering Earth just as you planned" said Zim, talking
to GIR on his smartphone.
"We gonna make rootbeer can bacon burgers" said GIR.
"YES GIR. Bacon! But NO SOAP. No more soap or shampoo or other illicit substances" said Zim.
"Right," said GIR giving Zim a military salute.
Meanwhile...
"THERE THEY ARE!" shouted Dib. "They're hacking away at the Central Sun inside the Earth"
"If it's a sun how can they hack at it with axes that look just like mine?" asked Ichigo.
"In this dimension it's a solid material. No one knows it's a sun. In fact it tastes like delicious cough drops.
Wanna have a piece?" asked Rukia, offering Dib and Ichigo a piece of the central sun of the Earth.
"You're not serious are you?" asked Dib.
"No. I'm not" replied Rukia. "OKAY IRKEN DUPLICATES, BE GONE! ARCUS ACTIVATE!" shouted Rukia.
No sooner had she uttered those magic words the entire cavern system began shaking. Ichigo then came charging in with katana
blades, and offered some to Dib. Dib and Ichigo then defeated the evil space alien army that was attempting to transform the Earth into an evil spirit.
"Excellent work team" said Rukia, giving the boys a high five.
"Friend us on Facebook okay?" said Ichigo. "I'll give you all my Nintendo Switch friend codes" he added.
"I'll give you a frenemy code" said Zim in the distance.
"What?" asked Dib.
"I SAID-I'LL GIVE YOU ALL A FRENEMY CODE. It's called IRKEN INVASION! And I CALL DIBS ON IT, DIIIB!" said Zim, as he pushed a button on a device.
Suddenly millions of strange duplicate Robot aliens came and the whole center of the Earth began shaking once again.
A black hole opened up and Dib, Rukia, Ichigo, and GIR were all warped into it while the entire Earth began exploding.
Later...
"Farmer Dib, you so awesome" said Gir, as he put on a straw farmers hat.
Rukia, Ichigo, Dib and even his sister Gaz were all eating pancakes in a wooden cabin made of fine ebony in a beautiful farmland in an alternate Earth.
"I might be a Blue Cow farmer, but at least I TRIED to save the other Earth" said Dib.
"Don't worry about it. Luke Skywalker was a moisture farmer, and he blew up the Doom Star. You win some you lose some. And let's be honest with ourselves, that Earth was a stupid place" said Gaz.
"You and I think alike, goth girl, what's your name?" asked Rukia.
"Gaz," replied Gaz. "And speak for yourself, Gothicka" she added.
"You really need to start selling your art. It's INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL!" shouted Dib.
"In this dimension of Earth? It goes for a million bucks a pop on Etsy. Also Nokia phones are now Rukia phones" replied Rukia.
"Guess I didn't do anything" said Dib.
"No you did. It was YOUR energy Dib that created the good version of Earth. Makes me wanna sing!" said Rukia as she began singing.
"She pretty! Let's make pancakes" said GIR.
"If not for youuuuuuuu the winter would hold no spring,
couldn't hear a Robin sing...if not for youuuuu" sang Rukia. It was a song by George Harrison, sung by George Harrsion, Olivia Newton John, Rukia, and many others.
Back on the other Earth:
"YES! I DID IT! GIR WHERE ARE YOU? WE MUST CELEBRATE WITH TOAST AND GUMMY WORMS OF GOO! AND WE SHALL TAKE UNTO US THOSE
WORMS OF GOO AND WEAR THEM AS HATS UPON OUR TOES. AND THE TOES THAT HAVE HATS ON THEM SHALL BE GIVEN UNTO THE GODDESS
AFRODITE SO THAT SHE MAY LOOK UPON US WITH PEACE, SERENITY, AND VENGEFUL LUSK-GIR? WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?" shouted Zim.
Gir was laughing and joking with all the humans of Earth on the other side of the Portal.
The aliens that had conquered Earth were duplicates hired by GIR. None of them were Irkens.
They were fake Irkens-robot clones.
"I MUST TELL THE TALLEST!" shouted Zim, as he activated some newly aquired Star-Trekish beam tech and sent himself to the mothership of the Tallest.
"ZIM, long time no see" said the Tallest in unison.
"I CONQUERED EARTH!" shouted Zim.
"Funny story about that. Should we tell him GIR was a complete Benedict Arnold?" said Vortian, the one with purple eyes.
"Nah, let him think he won. Give him ten medals what do we care? Our planet's nearly destroyed too" said Irken, the one with red eyes.
"WHERE ARE MY MEDALS?" shouted Zim.
"Here you go" said Vortian, as he tossed a large bouquet of roses and huge gargantuan chocolate bars wrapped in Tatooine gold.
"THANK YOU! YES! MWAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAA! I DID IT! THIS HAS TO BE A DREAM! But no it can't be. For if it were a dream I would
be covered in YEAST-and raven biscuits!" said Zim.
"Yes, raven biscuits. Delicious. So Zim, our planet has a little inflation problem and we don't have enough snacks to
fuel our ships and it's kind of our fault so why don't you just go live on the Comfy Couch Planet? We have a warp hole that
will take you there" said the Tallest in unison as they activated a portal.
"Nah, I prefer my destroyed world with all its problems. For I have conquered Earth and that is all that matters" said Zim, grinning.
"Yes but we have your nose. GOT YOUR NOSE" said Vortian, as he pretended to pull Zim's non-existant nose off.
"SO THAT IS WHY I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT? YOU STOLE MY NOSE! I HAVE FURY! GIVE IT BACK OR I'LL FEED JELLYBEAN LARVA TO YOUR LIVER!" shouted Zim.
"We've got it!" said the Tallest as they boarded a craft and abandoned Zim.
Suddenly, Rukia showed up through a portal.
"It's okay little guy. I know you had a tough life" said Rukia, patting Zim on the back.
"YOU-you're that Italian girl who eats Salami! I KNEW IT" shouted Zim.
"No. Believe it or not Dib and Gaz told me to come comfort you.
They finally realize you're just a harmless idiot. But I can tell you that those Tallest folks were just jerks. You deserve better than that.
Hate to break it to you-but you didn't conquer Earth" said Rukia, as she started to almost laugh.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" shouted Zim.
Then the creepy but adorable parrot appeared out of nowhere. What could it mean?
The End?
NOOOOO! TO BE CONTINUEEEEEEED!
