GASLIGHT

By M. Willow

Part 2

Hutch heard a door open, then footsteps. He couldn't move. He kept his eyes on Starsky who was now sitting with knees bent, eyes closed.

The footsteps came closer. Hutch staggered to his feet, unafraid, feeling like his soul had split in two. A part of him knew he should be concerned about who'd come into the house, apparently with a key. But nothing could tear him away. He was empty inside. Nothing that could walk through that door could be worse. He waited and soon Dobey filled the doorway.

The big man staggered backwards when he saw him. "My god,"

Huggy appeared next. He stood there for a moment with rounded eyes then crossed went to Starsk.

Dobey took a tentative step forward then Hutch was in the arms of the man he thought of as a father. "You're alive. Oh my God…" His voice was trembling.

What the heck was going on? First Starsky told him he was dead. Then Dobey and Huggy looking at him like they were seeing a ghost.

Dobey pulled Hutch back, looked at him, touched his face, his hands. "What…I don't understand. You're alive."

"Of course, I am, Cap'n. What's this about?"

"Harold, it's bad." Huggy shouted, still looking at Hutch with rounded eyes.

Dobey released him and went to Starsky.

"Son…Dave…it's okay." Dobey said, his voice hoarse. "It's okay. You're not imagining this. We see him too."

Starsky's eyes were open now, although still not looking at Hutch.

Hutch could see the tremble in his body and wanted to go to him. "I don't know w…wa…what's wrong with him. He said I'm dead."

"Alexander, help me get him in the bed," Dobey said, looking at Huggy. "The doctor should be here any minute."

Huggy moved quickly, each man taking an arm. Hutch moved forward, saw the wide-eyed stare of Starsky and froze.

"Gonna be alright…. you'll see," Huggy said with a smile as he got Starsky in the bed.

"Cold…so cold," Starsky murmured. And Dobey covered him and sat on the bed.

Once Starsky was settled, Dobey asked Huggy to stay with him and grabbed Hutch's arm, pulling him from the room. At first Hutch resisted. "I need to stay."

"You've got to come with me. Alexander will take care of him. You've got to come with me. "Dobey said again." You're doing him more harm than good."

"I got this, Harold." Huggy called out.

Hutch wondered when these two started calling each other by their first names. He wondered when he would wake up from the nightmare. He was living in a world where his best friend thought he was dead, and his captain and their informant were now on first name basis. He had so many questions, but the answers frightened him.

He followed Dobey. He tensed when he saw a tall man of about fifty with greying hair and steel blue eyes standing in the room. Hutch recognized him as the police psychiatrist. It was required that all officers see him after harrowing cases, especially if it involved a shooting. Both he and Starsky had been required to see him at one time or other.

"Doctor Anton, you know Detective Kenneth Hutchinson." Dobey said. "Starsky is in the bedroom. It's not good."

The man stared at Hutch for a moment then quickly proceeded to the bedroom, closing the door softly.

Hutch started to follow. He was determined to be there for Starsky. Neither he nor his partner liked shrinks, especially after Cabrillo.

Dobey placed a stern hand on his arm. "Sit down. Sit down and explain to me how you're here." Dobey said.

"Starsky is having some sort of breakdown. I need to be in there with him." He looked at Dobey. "You know that I do."

"Sit down," Dobey said again with a stern voice.

"But…but"

"No buts, son." He said softly. "You don't know what you're dealing with here."

Hutch met his eyes and took a seat on the sofa. Dobey sat across from him in one of the comfortable chairs.

"Where have you been?" Dobey asked.

"What do you mean where have I been?" Hutch raised an eyebrow, turning to look at the bedroom door. He didn't have time for this.

"Where have you been?" Dobey asked again, taking out a handkerchief and wiping his face.

"Captain… you gave Starsk and me two weeks off. I've been here."

Dobey looked confused. "Son, what's the date?"

Hutch shrugged. "I don't know, July something"

"What year?"

"what's going on with these crazy questions?" he rose. "I need to get in there with Starsky. Something happened to him…"

"What Year Is It?" Dobey shouted, stopping him dead in his tracks.

Hutch turned around, looking him in the eye. "1981."

Dobey leaned back in his chair. "Son, it's July, but it's July of 1982."

Hutch felt the blood drain from his face.

The patter of rain fell against the window, the soft glow of a single lamp illuminated the living room in shadow. Hutch sat listening to the soft voice of his captain as he took him back to a hot July day one year ago.

"It happened after you left the club," Dobey said., "Starsky was still with the girl in the car. She wanted to go back to her place, so they took off in the same direction as your apartment."

Hutch closed his eyes, dreading what was coming.

"Starsky had been driving for a few minutes when he saw your car. It was on fire…and a man inside the car was screaming. He was being burned alive."

Hutch pictured himself standing there instead of Starsky. His heart raced as Dobey went on.

"They had to stop Starsky from throwing himself into the fire. You couldn't be saved." He paused taking a breath. "The man could not be saved."

"It's impossible. I still have my car. It's out front. I know my car. Whoever did this used a fake car. It wasn't me."

Dobey raised an eyebrow. "Fake car, fake version of you. A perfect plan to run your partner crazy. And they did it in stages."

Hutch looked at Dobey. "I don't remember leaving the club. Don't remember what happened for the last year." A cold shiver went through him.

Dobey shook his head. "Eyewitnesses said the car just exploded. Later we found an incendiary device."

How many times had the perps they arrested tried to kill them? They were always unsuccessful because either he or Starsky found the bomb just in time.

Dobey continued. "The body was burned beyond recognition, but Starsky had seen him in the car…before the fire took him," Dobey said. "He believed it was you. At first."

Dobey took out a handkerchief and wiped his brow. He looked at him and Hutch braced himself. "Afterwards Starsky had to be sedated. I took some time off and stayed with him. It was horrible. The pain he was in. He blamed himself for not watching out for you. For not checking the car. Two days later he said you weren't dead. He was going to find you."

Dobey leaned forward. "I asked him why he thought you were still alive. He said he could still feel you."

The words hung in the air. Hutch thought of how many times they'd communicated without saying a single word. People around them were uncomfortable when they did it, so they'd toned it down in public. Could Starsky feel his presence and know he was still alive? Hutch believed he could. He had felt something similar when Starsky had died in the hospital of gunshot wounds. He'd felt it the instant his partner had stopped breathing. Like a limb being snapped from a tree. Thankfully, Starsky had been brought back. But Hutch could still remember the time between heartbeats.

Dobey dropped his eyes. "If only I had listened. But…we didn't know."

"Don't blame yourself. The blame is with me. I should have found a way to get back to him."

Dobey looked at him. "Maybe you did." He sat back in his chair. "He saw you in a grocery store. Later you were a man walking just up ahead on the streets. He could never catch up with you. Even though he called your name, you didn't stop." Dobey took in a breath and let it out slowly. "One day he said you had visited him at his apartment. He called hysterical. Said that you went out and didn't come back. That's when we knew he was in trouble. I moved in with him. Huggy turned his restaurant over to one of his employees and together we kept watch."

Hutch stood up and started pacing.

Dobey's voice shook. "We were afraid he would do something. Especially after the two phone calls."

Hutch looked at him. "Calls?"

Dobey wiped his face. "Yes. Two of them. No way to trace after the fact, but Starsky said it was you. Said you needed help getting back to him."

"Someone imitating my voice?" Hutch asked, taking a seat on the edge of the cocktail table, facing his captain.

Dobey shook his head. "Said it was you. That no one could imitate you."

Hutch dropped his head, rubbing his hands through his hair.

We had Dr. Anton come in and he gave him meds to help with the hallucinations. And me and Huggy never left him alone."

Hutch looked up, stared at his captain. "Are you saying that you were afraid he would take his own..." Hutch said sharply. "That my normally well-adjusted partner was pushed to the point by some street trash to …. while I was sitting…someone…God knows where when I should have been…."

"Hutch, you can't blame yourself. These guys had you held up somewhere." Dobey shouted. "You were both victims. It was planned. Well planned. Nothing you could do. Would he have taken his own life? No way. Not as long as he thought you were out there. But soon after he started taking the pills, you stopped appearing."

Dobey didn't have to put it into words. Starsky wouldn't do anything to himself if there was hope. But afterwards, when hope had been stripped away…

Hutch leaned forward. He didn't have time to think of what had happened to him in the year. There was no time. Someone was still out there with the power to hurt Starsky. He had to prioritize. The most important thing right now was getting Starsky back. He looked at the door and felt an almost magnetic pull. He needed to be there. It didn't matter that a well-qualified doctor was in there with Starsky and That Huggy was there. Hutch needed to be there. He needed it and Starsky needed it. But Hutch didn't move. Instead, he looked into the soft brown eyes of his captain. He and Starsky weren't the only victims. There were four of them now.

Dobey went on. "It was bad, son. He was broken, his soul ripped in half. When I called the doctor, I was afraid they might commit him. I thought of his career, but we were fighting for his life. That's why Huggy and me took turns watching over him until he was strong enough to be left alone. Couldn't see putting him in that…that place." He lowered his eyes.

Hutch grabbed Dobey's hand, held on tight. "Thanks. There are no words."

"You don't have to thank me. You two are like my kids." He smiled. "You better not let it get around when you two come back to work. Ya hear?"

Hutch smiled thinly and nodded his head. He wanted that for both of them. They were cops. It was in their blood. Although they both knew it would end someday, Hutch was determined that it wouldn't be today.

"Dr. Anton agreed to treat this as outpatient provided that Starsky took a leave of absence, and his mental state didn't decline further. "Dobey ran a hand through his hair. "And your friend Huggy is quite a friend. Couldn't have done it without his help. Starsky needed around the clock care. He wouldn't eat. Wouldn't take care of himself. Showed no emotion. The phone calls had stopped, and he'd stopped seeing you, but the depression that followed was scary."

"It could have been me on the phone." Hutch said slowly. "I didn't know a year had passed. I saw you about a week ago. My memory is I left the club, went home and got in bed. I was exhausted so I fell asleep pretty fast. In the morning I showered. Got dressed and went down to wait for Starsky. It was his turn to drive. But he didn't show." Hutch rubbed his head, feeling a sharp pain."

"You okay, son?"

Hutch stared at Dobey and went on. "I wa…waited for Starsky." The headache became more urgent. "I waited then I got in my car."

Hutch dropped his head into his hands. His breathing was hard, the headache almost unbearable, ripping him apart.

"Hutch?" Dobey said with a shaky voice.

"I waited for Starsky…" Hutch stopped, looked at Dobey. There was fire running through his head.

"Ken. Stop. Don't try to remember, "Dobey said.

Hutch was breathing fast, his vision darkening. He couldn't understand what was happening to him. He felt Dobey lift him, helping him to the sofa. Hutch lay back against the cushion, his eyes closed as Dobey shouted for the doctor. He was vaguely aware of the sound of a door opening and another hand on his face. Then darkness took him away.

Hutch opened his eyes to the concerned eyes of his Captain and the doctor. The doctor checked his pulse and left them alone.

"How long was I out?" Hutch asked, pushing himself into a seated position.

"No more than 5 minutes. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit. Feels like a Mack truck went through my head. But it's getting better now."

"You take it easy. No more trying to remember."

Hutch looked at Dobey. "Don't think I have a choice. You know this was probably just round two." He rubbed his head, thinking of all the possibilities, trying to come up with a name of someone who hated them enough to plan something so intricate. There was only one answer that came to mind. Terry Nash. But the man had been a victim.

Terry Nash had been brain-washed by an organization to kill Joe Durniak. He believed the man had killed his wife. The conspiracy had been elaborate, involving a fake FBI man, bank employees, even a doctored tape of Terry in the bank. Terry Nash wasn't even his real name. The man who was Terry had been created out of thin air. He'd disappeared much the same way. They simply couldn't prosecute him for a crime that Terry had committed. He wasn't Terry.

"Terry Nash," Hutch said, looking expectantly at his captain. "If they were able to use me to run Starsky insane, I had to have been brain-washed to do it. I don't remember seeing Starsky. Don't remember any of it."

Dobey met his eyes. "But you and Starsky busted the whole organization. Took them down and we haven't heard of anything like it since."

Hutch leaned forward. "We were never sure. We never even found the blonde that tried to blow us up in the parking lot."

Hutch was referring to a beautiful blonde who claimed she couldn't start her car. He and Starsky along with Terry Nash had stayed outside to jump the car while the woman had gone inside to make a phone call. If Hutch hadn't thought it was strange that the woman couldn't find a phone when there were plenty inside, they would all have perished in the blast that followed. The woman was never seen again.

"They tried to blow you up because you were a danger to their organization." Dobey said. "You're not that anymore. Even if they're operating somewhere else, and I don't think they are. What threat are you to them now?"

"You're probably right. This seems personal."

"Revenge for a bust or something else." Dobey said.

"Which means we got nothing. Hundreds of perps out there and no leads except maybe the girl Starsky was with at the club."

"And she may not be involved at all." Dobey said. "Or brainwashed like the blonde that tried to blow you two and Terry Nash up."

Hutch slammed his hand on the table. "Damnit." They could have shot them. Blown them up even, but whoever did this wanted them to suffer. Sending Starsky over the edge and holding Hutch hostage, a brilliant way to do it the slow way. Only deep hatred would lead to something like that. If they did hire the brainwashing group, they would have had to pay. That meant someone with money. Maybe lots of money.

"Gunther." Hutch said.

Dobey shook his head. "Died in prison almost two years ago. They forgot to tell us when it happened."

"Typical," Hutch said. It was normal not to report the death of people they had arrested. Hell, it hadn't been that long ago when the love of Starsky's life, Terry, had been killed by George Prudholm, a man who'd escaped Cabrillo, and had gone after Starsky. Terry had been killed in vengeance for his son's death. He'd been an old enemy, brought to justice for killing cops. He and Starsky had never been informed of his escape from the mental institution until it was too late.

Hutch stood. "So, who has money and hates us the most becomes the question."

Dobey nodded. "Got our work cut out for us." He looked at Hutch. "Let's start with your gun. We'll need to find out if it's a fake."

Hutch hadn't thought of that. How did he know if his gun was really his? Even the car could be fake. It looked like his car. The key worked and everything. But was it his? Who really looked at their car? A car that looked exactly like his had blown up with a blond man inside. How many cars looked like his? How many blond men? He went to the closet and retrieved his gun, handing it to Dobey.

Dobey took the gun and examined it then removed the bullets. "I'll have this analyzed. Meanwhile, I'll put some men out front."

Hutch felt vulnerable without the gun. On the other hand, the mastermind behind this scheme had plenty of time to get to them. Which meant that there was more to the plan. They weren't at the end of it yet.

"Don't worry, Ken," Dobey said. "I'll get this gun back to you."

Hutch nodded gratefully.

Just then Huggy walked out of Starsky's bedroom, the doctor following. "Your better half is fast asleep," he said, sitting down next to Hutch. "Doc gave him enough to knock out an elephant."

He looked at Hutch. "Okay, can you guys catch me up on how I'm sitting here with a ghost?"

Dobey quickly gave him the highlights.

"So basically, you don't know where you were for the last year." Dr Anton said.

Hutch shook his head. "For me its been about two weeks since Starsk and me were at work." He rose and headed to the bedroom.

"I don't advise it, Detective Hutchinson. We need to do this in a controlled way. Let him sleep for the night and I'll come back in the morning."

"And I'll stay in the room with him tonight, if that's okay," Huggy said.

Hutch smiled at the tall man that both he and Starsky counted as one of their best friends.

"Thank you, Huggy. Means a lot."

Huggy rose. "Then I'll get in there now." He left the room.

"At any rate," Doctor Anton said. "He'll sleep through the night. He won't even know you are there."

Hutch found that impossible to believe. But he decided to give the doctor until tomorrow. Then he was going in.

Early morning light filtered into the living room. Dobey had slept in the big armchair while Huggy had stayed with Starsky throughout the night. Hutch had spent the night staring out the window, watching the stars. The only sound had been the occasional sound of thunder. It had been a lonely night, an unaccustomed feeling for Hutch in his partner's apartment. This had always been a place of healing.

"He'll be fine, Ken." Dobey said, breaking into Hutch's thoughts. "You get any sleep?"

Hutch shook his head.

"I didn't sleep either," Dobey said. "Just kept my eyes closed." He struggled to sit up. "Sometimes that's enough."

There was a knock at the door. Hutch went to the door and ushered the doctor in.

"Morning, gentlemen," Dr. Anton said, offering a reassuring smile. "I'll go in now and see how he's doing. Then if he appears stable, I'll call all of you in and…

"No," Hutch barked. "You're not going in without me."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Young man, I'm trained for this. I know more about his mental state…"

Hutch got in his face. "You know about his mental state. He's my partner…"

"No, he's not," Dr. Anton countered. "He hasn't been for a full year."

Hutch stepped back, his heart dropping.

"Now, let me do my job." The doctor didn't wait for an answer. He just plowed into Starsky's room.

Hutch legs become wobbly and Dobey's strong hands half-dragged him to the sofa. Hutch lay back against the cushion, his eyes searching the sad brown eyes of his captain.

"How much sleep you get in the last week?" Dobey asked.

Hutch hadn't told him about how Starsky had been acting and his original suspicions of a sexual assault. "Not much."

"Well. You're going to get some sleep now. Not going to do any good if both of you collapse on me."

Hutch knew his captain was right, but he didn't want to sleep. He needed to be there for Starsky. He needed to get up and get in there now.

"Huggy is there," Dobey reminded him. "Let the doctor do his job. He's been working with Starsky for almost a year. He knows what he's doing."

Hutch pulled his legs onto the sofa, dropping his head into his hands. He closed his eyes. He prayed that this would all be over soon. And that he'd soon have his partner back.

Hutch paced the floor. It had been two days since Dr. Anton had arrived early in the morning and had demanded that Hutch stay away because he was the expert on his partner. Hutch had enough. He'd only gone along with it because he was petrified that his presence would make things worse. He still remembered the wide-eye stare of the brunet.

Now, Huggy was in there with him. Later it would be Dobey. Hutch hadn't seen the brunet since the collapse. The doctor kept insisting that he stay away. That he knew best because he was the expert. Hutch had spent his time preparing meals and reading any book he could find about psychological trauma. Huggy had brought plenty, but none offered hope in something this unique. His partner hadn't gone over the edge. He'd been pushed over the edged. Violently pushed.

Hutch decided today was the day he was going in the room. Doctor be damned.

He heard the knock and flung the door opened. A startled Anton stood staring wide-eyed. Then the man put on a slurpy smile and came in. He sat down and opened a briefcase, taking out crisp white paper.

The room was sunny and bright, but Hutch felt a cloud enter the room when he saw the paper with Cabrillo emblazoned over the top.

"It is best that the patient is removed to a facility that best suits his needs," Anton said.

Hutch felt the knot in his stomach, his worst fear now staring him in the face. Starsky's worst fear.

"No. Damn. Way." He shouted, enunciating each word with an edge. "You're not taking him out of here to put him in that place."

"I'm afraid I know best. It's been three days and your partner is still in a catatonic state. He's not talking, barely eating…"

Hutch narrowed his eyes and saw the doctor shrink back. "No fucking way. Now. You take those papers and get the hell out."

Hutch pointed to the door. "That's my partner in there. You're not putting him in some institution." He was shouting, his blood burning as the rage consumed him."

The doctor smiled. "I'm afraid I have the final say. I'm the one who decides if either of you can come back to the force. If you hope to have a career…"

But Hutch cut him off. "Get the hell out."

"As I said. If you hope to have a career…."

Hutch grabbed the papers the doctor had been holding then grabbed the man by the back of his suit, forcing him to stand then pushed him toward the door. He opened it and the doctor found himself on the other side holding the papers. "Stay the hell away. As for my career. I don't give a rat's ass." Then he slammed the door shut in the man's face.

Hutch leaned against the door, willing the adrenaline rush to settle. His body was on fire. He heard a car start and took a deep breath and headed to his partner.

Starsky was sitting on the bed when he entered the room. His partner's eyes widened for a moment when he saw Hutch then he quickly shut them.

"That's the first reaction I've seen this morning," Huggy said. He woke up and been sittin' with his eyes open for last two hours. Not saying a word. I tried talking to him, but nothing. No reaction." Huggy rose. "If there's anyone that can get through to him, it's you."

"Thanks, Huggy." Hutch said, looking at Huggy. "I mean for everything."

Huggy nodded, then left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Hutch sat on the bed.

Sunlight streamed through the window, creating rivulets on the bedspread, the only sound the ticking of a clock. He heard the outer door open and close and knew they were alone.

He took his partner's hand in his, holding it like a man pulling someone back from the edge. There was no response. Several hours later Hutch still sat there, but shadows had entered the room. At one point, Starsky had gone to the bathroom, returned and resumed his position on the bed, closing his eyes the minute he looked at Hutch.

He'd made the right decision in not sending his partner away, but was his presence making things worse? Maybe charging in there like a bull in the china shop hadn't been the right move. Starsky didn't seem any closer to coming back. Hutch started picturing his friend locked in a mental hospital. He could feel the brunet's fear as he was tied to the bed, medication forced on him. And Hutch wouldn't be able to do anything. He would be under the control of doctors who didn't know him. Who didn't care. Hutch saw his own future where he was alone. Life wouldn't mean much when that happened.

He got up and stood at the window, glancing down at the neighbor as she took her children inside the house. The sky grew darker. A storm was coming. He'd turned on a lamp which luminated the room in soft light. Turning to his friend, Hutch resumed his seat on the bed, holding his partner's hand.

"Starsk, I'm here," he said softly. But his friend's eyes remained closed.

He put his other hand on Starsky's chest, felt the steady beat of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest, his own heart beating in synchronicity. Then he placed Starsky's hand over his heart, holding it tight.

"Starsk, I'm here," he said slowly. "Time to come back now."

There was no response.

"I need for you to come back. I'm here. I'm real." His voice shook and his eyes stung. The tears started flowing freely. "P-Please. I need you. I'm scared."

Starsky opened his eyes, the blue of the ocean meeting the blue of the sky. It was as if Hutch had floated into another dimension. In this place was the love, the triumphs, the pain, all there for only him to see. His mind reached out, grasping the fragile tendrils that was his partner.

Starsky reached his hand up and wiped the tears from Hutch's face. "Hutch." He uttered with a whispery voice. "Gonna be okay. Me and thee."

Starsky was back.