My Little Dove


The process of moving back in was slow. Johanna winced every time she saw Mr. Todd or Anthony lifting something or moving a truck or a stack of clothing. She should help them. Johanna tried to get out of bed sometimes but either Mr. Todd or Anthony (or both) would be there to stop her. Remind her of what Mrs. Thomas said about staying on bedrest. She should rest. Guilt shot ran through her whenever she saw them moving things. All she could do was sit there.

Johanna leaned back, nodding over at Little Lucy to make sure she was still asleep, (and breathing, a morbid thoughts, but it was always in the back of her mind). Little Lucy wasn't demanding, but when she wanted something, she needed it from Johanna. She didn't mind. She would be a good mother, that was Johanna's goal. But it was slightly exhausting. Even so, Johanna found herself adjusting the blankets over her or stroking a tender little cheek.

"Ready?" Anthony said, at last.

"As I'll ever be," Johanna replied.

She reached over to the bassinet. She scoped up Little Lucy, resting her against her breast and shoulder; Johanna placed her free hand under her bottom to hold her steady. Anthony wrapped his hand around her waist. Mr. Todd nodded at them as he held the door open.

Night air was refreshing. Johanna never noticed it before. Either being locked up or on the run before. It was beautiful. Smoke covered the stars, yet it was pleasing to look at.

She never knew how nice it felt to be normal.

Here they were. On a normal stroll. As a normal couple without problems or secrets. It was almost euphoric to pretend it was all normal.

Mr. Todd walked with long strides, he was always a few feets away from him. He slowed for Johanna and Anthony. At the rate they were walking, a baby could beat them in a race. Johanna leaned into Anthony's hold. They exchanged a smile.

Once they arrived at the shop, the illusion of normalcy faded. Johanna was the same Johanna. But now she was a mother.

Anthony helped her up the stairs. Johanna winced as a floorboard underneath her. She relaxed once she was upstairs. She found Little Lucy's bassinet, placing her inside, carefully. She stood back up and Anthony placed a hand on her shoulder as they stared down at their baby.

"Do you feel any different?" Johanna asked.

"No," he replied, holding back a yawn, "Should I?"

"Well." She hesitated, running a hand up and down her arm. "We are parents now. I just thought I'd feel different. Maternal instinct or whatever it's called."

"I think it's all right if you feel the same. It's not a requirement to have any 'maternal instinct.'"

Johanna turned around. "I know it's not, but all the best mothers seem to have it. Am I just not a good mother? Or not right to be one?"

"Jo, of course you're a good mother." Anthony guided her to the bed, arching her neck to see him, "You haven't been one for too long, but you are going to be a wonderful mother. I know it."

"I hope so." She glanced at Little Lucy. "I just don't want her to end up motherless or with a terrible mother. She deserves everything."

"She does. And she has a good mother. You are an amazing wife. There couldn't be a more perfect woman on earth than Johanna Barker Hope."

She gave a shy grin. They kissed. Johanna pulled away and looked at Little Lucy again.

"I don't think I ever told you where the name Lucy came from, did I?" Johanna whispered.

"No. Tell me."

She faced him and took his hands. "Lucy was my mother's name." Johanna kissed his knuckles. "I wanted to honor her. She was kind and sweet. I only wish I got to meet her."

Well, she had technically. Not officially or as mother and daughter. But in passing. They'd known each other.

"I wish I got to meet her, too." A beat. "Lucy means 'light.'"

Johanna pulled away. "How did you know that?"

Anthony looked away, a faint blush appeared on his cheek.

She grinned. "What?" she asked again.

"I-I bought a copy of one of those baby name books . . . I looked that name up and that's what it means."

"Anthony Hope, I never expected you to be a baby name books kind of person," she teased, swatting at his arm.

Anthony chuckled. "You weren't supposed to find out about it. We were trying to decide on a name, then and I happened to stumble upon a copy. Once we chose 'Lucy', I was curious and . . ."

"I think that's very charming." Johanna smiled and kissed his cheek. He faced her.

"You do? If I knew you found men who looked through baby name books to be charming, I would've started reading them sooner."

She hummed. "You could've learned every name in the entire world because of those books." She paused. "Do you know what? I dare you."

"Dare me to do what?" He gave a laugh.

Johanna straightened with a proud beaming smile. "I dare you to learn every name in the whole wide world. Now, Anthony, we have no idea how many babies we'll have and we must name all of them. We'll need inspiration from somewhere."

He paused. Johanna broke into a fit of laughter. Wiping away small tears, she noticed Anthony hadn't joined in. Had she offended him? Or insulted him in some way? She didn't think her jab was harmful, but perhaps it was.

"Anthony, I-"

"No time to talk, Jo, I'm busy trying to remember all the names I learned from that book. Let's see, there's Jasper and Eliot and Wellington."

She beamed. "Don't forget: Tressie and Marion."

"Yes, thank you. George, Paula, Petra, Esta, Clifford, Isom-"

"Excuse me, Isom?"

Anthony faced her, adjusting himself on the bed. "Yes. Don't you like Isom?"

"Oh, yes, very much, dear." Johanna giggled.

"Perfect. Our first son will be named that."

An image popped into her head of herself pushing a pram through the streets. People peeked inside at her baby. But it wasn't pure baby. The baby had a white mustache with spectacles worn on the edge of his nose. "Yes, this is my baby boy. His name is Isom." Johanna grimaced.

"We won't actually, right?" she asked, tentatively.

Anthony laughed. "Of course not! Unless you want to."

She couldn't shake her head fast enough.

Little Lucy fussed. Johanna stood from the bed and picked her up, kissing her head. Her whimpers died down.

"Goodnight, dove," she said.

Once she put Little Lucy in her crib, they climbed into bed. Anthony's snoring kept her awake. It hadn't before; she didn't even know he did snore. Johanna giggled. She wasn't falling asleep tonight. That was for sure.

She pulled herself up and wrapped her dressing gown around herself, securing it tight. She was wide as a mule. Mrs. Thomas said that was expected. Ladies didn't lose all the fat they gained after having a baby. Johanna tried not to let that sink into her thoughts. It didn't matter, anyway. Anthony loved her no matter what she looked like. Even when she was old and wrinkly, he would love her. He promised. Johanna wandered down the stairs, gripping the ramp that ran by it. She didn't know where she was headed, but found herself in the pie shop. She leaned on a table.

Footsteps came down the stairs. With the turn of her head, Johanna realized it was Mr. Todd. She tensed, but didn't flee. It was too late to run. She'd done that enough, anyway.

"Johanna," he acknowledged.

"Mr. Todd."

There was a pause. Johanna didn't care to make conversation. Mr. Todd reached the floor. He lifted a finger, hesitated, then looked away. She stretched and turned back to the stairs.

"Well, goodnight Mr. Todd," she said.

"Johanna, wait."

She faced him.

Mr. Todd moved his lips. No words came from them. Johanna waited, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Johanna studied him. "I am too."

She went back up the stairs.

Johanna crawled back into bed with Anthony, not bothering to remove her dressing gown. The garment secured her. It hid her fat and was a replacement for an embrace. She laid her head on Anthony's chest and closed her eyes. It didn't matter if she fell asleep or not.

She only realized it was morning when she felt Anthony kissing her head. Johanna relaxed into the touch.

"Good morning, love," he said.

"Good morning."

"Did Lucy sleep well last night?"

Johanna reflected. "Well enough, I suppose. She woke up a few times during the night, but she just needed a feed or some love and she was all right."

Anthony rolled to his side to look at her. "You know, you can make me take care of her sometimes, if you ever need me to, I'd be happy to take care of Lucy."

"I know." She kissed his cheek. "I just . . ." Didn't trust him? No, she trusted him. Was she afraid? She couldn't say that. "Want to make sure she's all right, you know? She wants me, I know."

"Makes sense. You are her mama."

"Speaking of." She smiled. "We still don't know what your 'father name' is?"

He rolled his eyes a little. "Why don't we just wait until she decides what I should be called?"

"Well, we can't do that." Johanna leaned on her elbow. "She won't know what to call you. She won't even know that you're her father."

"I think it'll be clear that I'm her father."

They chuckled.

Little Lucy rang out a whimper. Johanna nearly jumped out of bed, with a reminder from a grimacing Anthony to slow down. She made a show of rolling her eyes as she picked Little Lucy out of bed.

"Are you hungry, dove?" she cooed, "Are you hungry now?"

She took the cry as a yes.

Mr. Todd knocked on the door. Anthony let him in. Johanna tensed.

"Breakfast is downstairs," he said.

"Thank you, sir," Anthony replied.

Mr. Todd neared her, taking each step carefully. Johanna lightly bounced Little Lucy, humming quietly for only her to hear.

"Look who it is, Lucy," Anthony murmured, "It's your grandfather."

At grandfather, Mr. Todd hesitated.

"Would you like to hold her, Mr. Todd?" Anthony asked, "I don't think you've had the chance yet."

There was a pause before he nodded. Johanna gestured to the bed. Both of them sat. She lifted Little Lucy into Mr. Todd's arms. He held her there. He knew what to do. He'd been father to an infant before.

"Careful," Johanna muttered. He didn't need the warning.

He stared down at Little Lucy's face. Her small features and closed eyelids.

Johanna took in the scene. Had it been like this in this room before? A time where a young father held his daughter with mirthful eyes? It might have been. A moment that perfect. This perfect.

"Anthony and I have been arguing-"

"Discussing!"

Johanna beamed. "Who do you think Lucy looks more like? Me or him?" She leaned in. "I think she looks like Anthony more."

Anthony chuckled. "No. She looks more like you and you're just too stubborn to admit that."

"You liar! Look at her. She has your chin."

"But your curly hair and long eyelashes."

Johanna crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not fair. We don't even know what her eyelashes look like. She was born only a few days ago."

"So what? I know she's going to carry more of your features."

Mr. Todd gave a small smile. "I think she looks like Johanna the most."

"Ha!" Anthony pointed, with excitement. "I told you."

She remained calm as her eyes fluttered over him. Mr. Todd carried a teasing tone to him. She pursed her lips.

"That's not fair," Johanna said, calmy, "You're biased."

"Mrs. Lovett isn't biased and I bet she'd say you. I'll race you down!"

"Hey! I actually have the baby," she called after him.

Johanna reached for Little Lucy. Mr. Todd helped her cradle the baby back in her arms. She smiled down at her. Little Lucy cooed. They began down the stairs. Johanna noted Mr. Todd's protective arm wrapped around her shoulders to steady her. They were greeted with the amorma of fresh baked bread. Mrs. Lovett was by the counter.

"It smells lovely, Mrs. Lovett," Johanna said, "Thank you."

Mrs. Lovett's gaze landed on her before she focused her gaze on Little Lucy.

"Breakfast is on the table," was all she said

Anthony was already sitting at a table with Toby. Both hunched over in conversation. Anthony held a coin under his fingertip. Johanna settled herself in a seat, adjusting her hold on Little Lucy. Support her head, Mrs. Thomas told her.

"Nah, Lorenzo's got it," Toby was saying, "He's won the past three."

"He may 'got it', but have you seen what they're saying about Spice? Besides, Lorenzo's gotta tire out at some point," Anthony replied.

Toby eyed the coin. "Let's bump up the bet."

"Bet?" Johanna interjected, "Anthony, are you gambling?"

He pointed across the table. "Toby started it."

She looked at the boy, but he only shrugged and leaned back. Not caring much for her upcoming chastisements.

"What can I say? I just have a sense for it."

"A sense for it?" Anthony's eyebrows raised. "Or were you listening in on other customers?"

Toby blushed. He surveyed the room, trying to find something to change the conversation. Toby looked at Johanna, who raised her eyebrows. Truth be told, she was relieved to see he was doing better. He seemed fine the last time she saw him a few days ago, but he was all better now.

Toby looked down at Little Lucy. "You had your baby!" Toby exclaimed.

"I was wondering when you'd bring that up," Johanna teased, "This is Lucy. Lucy meet Toby."

"Pleased to meet ya, Lucy."

If he had a hat, she was certain he'd tip it.

"She's tiny," Toby said.

"Babies often are."

They chuckled. Johanna looked over her shoulder. Finding Mrs. Lovett at the counter, studying them with a wistful gaze. Johanna gave a smile. Anthony turned around, becoming her over.

"Mrs. Lovett, there's a disagreement we need to settle," he said, as she walked over, "I think Lucy looks more like Johanna, but Johanna thinks Lucy looks more like me. What do you think?"

"You're calling her Lucy?"

The words were faint on her tongue.

"We are," Johanna said, "After my mother."

Mrs. Lovett pursed her lips into a fine line. She studied the baby. Without getting close at all.

"She reminds me of your da," she finally said.

"That's cheating," Toby cried out.

"She has the same eye shape." Mrs. Lovett helped Toby out of his chair. "Come on, love. Time to get ready for the morning customers."

Toby waved goodbye on his way out.

"We'd better get out of here," Anthony said, standing, "Lucy doesn't want to get exposed to all those people right now."

"Neither does Johanna."

She crossed her face, earning a laugh from Anthony. He helped her up and to the stairs. But before they came to the second floor, Johanna looked over at Mr. Todd. He was about ready to head to his shop. His dark eyes weren't on her. Yet she studied their shape. Wide, like a child's. But without their innocence. Johanna tilted her head. Perhaps Mrs. Lovett had a point. She looked down at Little Lucy. Same eye shape, indeed.


I'm pretty sure it's not a good idea to bring your premature baby outside at night, so I suggest not doing that lol. This chapter was meant for exploring Johanna's relationships with the other characters (minus Mrs. Lovett, which is surprising because I always write about that). I just want her to have friends and her to be siblings with Toby and love Anthony and try to repair her relationship with Sweeney.

Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for reading!