A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

The enigmatic and peculiar Luke, the beautiful and charming yet dangerously diplomatic Princess Leia, and

the Dark Lord of Evil Darth Vader had become stranded on a planet of candy...

What is to become of these people?

Why is this even a thing?

Would it be too much trouble to find Leia's ring?

"Look Luke, there's an entire trail of wiring from the Death Star. Hey, you'll have enough licorice to last for years" said Leia.

"Ugh, yeah but these trees are difficult to destroy, even with the force" protested Luke, as he devoured the wiring made of greenish blue licorice.

"You could try making a rope out of one and you could pull us up and we could swing across, hope my Danish rollers don't get undone though" suggested Leia.

"Die," commanded Vader, raising his hand, sending a laser beam through every tree in their way.

"Oh, that wasn't too shabby!" said Leia.

"Yeah it was rad but a little bit screwy. I feel so hungry for licorice I could be a Sasquatch wookie named Chewie!" said Luke.

"No, it wasn't screwy, now you two should return to your post. I have an appointment with a little green host" replied Darth Vader.

"When did you arrange that?" asked Leia with curiosity. "Is this to cure the feelings you have towards us of animosity?" she inquired.

"I need to complete some training I missed. I feel this will be awkward-like when you two kissed" said Vader.

"Hey, come back, Pop!" protested Luke with a sigh. But Vader was gone, that ain't no lie.

Yoda's Chocolate Swamp Factory:

"Greetings, to you I give. Vader you say? Anakin, you are" said Yoda.

"I want to start this over from the beginning, like what I went through with Obi-Wan. I want to be taught to be a Jedi, but remember I'm NOT your pawn" explained Vader.

"Jedi it is? Why would that be?" asked Yoda.

"To be-good, so I can treat Luke and Leia with kindness," replied Vader.

"Training you want. Difficult it will be. Resisting a tootsipop will certainly prove tough. Iron gonads, you must have" explained Yoda.

"It may be-rough" said Darth Vader. He gave in and grabbed the candy.

"Rough it may be. Strong you are" said Yoda.

"But you're a tiny little insignificant frog. FEEL MY WRATH!" replied Vader.

"Judge me by my size do you?" said Yoda, as Vader sent him clear across the chocolate waters.

"I-I apologize for my behavior. What is the task at hand?" asked Vader.

"You must face your deepest fears when you walk through the swamps ahead" explained Yoda.

As Darth Vader ventured forward he heard a voice that sounded like Obi-Wan announce: "I AM LUKE'S REAL FATHER,"

among other things, such as Luke Skywalker announcing "I am not your son," but was this all just Yoda having a barrel of fun?

Before he almost tripped on a pebble, Yoda's hologram appeared in a UFO's old rubble:

"Your father's cousin's uncle's stepbrothers former roommate I am," said Yoda. "Your mother I may be as well"

"NOOOO! That's impossible" shouted Darth Vader.

Suddenly a hologram of C3PO showed up in the air.

"I am your one and only true son-not Luke. Where is the unconditional love for me?" said C3PO in an unusually dramatic

and emotional tone for a robot.

This was almost too much for Vader to bare, when suddenly he had the worst emotional wear and tear.

Obi Wan's face appeared.

"Again, I am Luke's real father. Why else would I be so concerned about protecting him from you?" said Obi Wan.

"Oh sob, oh cry. He makes such a good point" said Vader.

Just then Jar Jar's hologram appeared.

"Meesah your Daddy Anakin, and WEESAH GOING HOME!" said Jar Jar.

"WHAT?" shouted Vader. "Yoda you sadist! Don't make me destroy you all! It all makes too much sense. Everything I know is true! EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A TRUTH!" said Vader.

Later...

Luke and Leia are exploring a crystal ice cave. They come across Luke's cloned hand in a tube of goo.

"Cool hand, Luke" said Leia, laughing.

"You're killing me, seriously good one Leia. Really, they ought to call you Princess Slaya," said Luke.

"Oh look. There's Aunt Beru's blue milk machine. Can you get me some?" asked Leia.

To be continued...