Author's Note: A note on the last chapter, I also still say asshat. It's a favorite word! I used it in one of my crackfics, Bella Cut The Cheese, as well.
Thank you everyone for your kind reviews! I'm happy you all enjoy this lighthearted story as much as me. In response to a question, Victoria has not yet showed up. She probably will at some point, but this is one I'm writing for fun/relaxation rather than towards a goal or specific plot so it may still be a while before she does.
I did some Google research for this chapter! I'm not as original as I wish I was with one part but you'll see what I mean. Lol!
Bella found her birthday gifts while I had gone home to retrieve my car for school the next morning. She was thrilled by them and the note I added and happy to have her things back.
"I'm sorry I didn't think of it sooner." I said, putting my arms around her as I stepped into her room.
"We've been busy." she responded with a grin that melted my heart.
"Delightfully so." I purred. "Are you ready for school?"
"Is skipping an option?"
"We promised your dad we wouldn't."
"Fine. I'm ready." She pouted and I kissed her softly before taking her bag and walking downstairs and out to the car. "Who's going to get me into trouble today?"
"No one. We don't have to be a family of hellraisers all the time." I answered, but she looked at me funny until I amended. "Alright, except for Emmett. He's always a hellraiser." She smiled and nodded her head in agreement.
The day thankfully was calm and normal, at least up until lunch time. Rosalie had told Emmett about why she and Bella got detention the day before, who had in turn told Jasper, who had in turn asked Carlisle for advice, of all people! Carlisle was incredibly amused and gladly offered up his centuries of knowledge on the subject.
The second Bella and I sat down with our trays, my brothers started in on each other.
"Hey Jasper, do you know what you are?" Emmett asked.
"What?" Jasper asked in return, trying to appear clueless.
"An asshat."
Bella giggled and looked down at her food, trying to not encourage them, but clearly incredibly amused. They were quiet for a few minutes, letting her think they were done until they couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Oh yeah?!" Jasper responded. "Well, you're a lubberwort!"
"A what?" Bella asked me with a quiet laugh.
"One of Carlisle's old English insults." I answered. My brothers were undeterred.
"A lubberwort, you say? Well, I think you're a flapdoodle."
"Well, you're a jobbernowl."
"You're a blunderbuss!"
Bella hid her face in her hands, trying to not laugh, but she couldn't hide it from Jasper's gift. Alice and Rosalie were conveniently ignoring their husbands and deep in conversation about something entirely unimportant.
"Oh, enough name calling!" Jasper said with a wicked grin. She's laughing but not enough. Don't you even say anything Edward, we know you enjoy this too. "Em, if your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your nose!"
"Jaz, your face makes onions cry." He returned without missing a beat.
"I'd slap you, but I don't want to make your face look any better."
"Hold still, I'm trying to imagine you with personality." Emmett stared at Jasper intently and Bella snorted laughing and turned bright red. I wanted to intervene and insist that they let her eat her lunch, but how could I when she was enjoying herself so much?
"I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop something better than you just said." Jasper said.
Bella leaned against me, wrapping her arms around me, and holding on tightly, crying laughing. She was struggling to breathe. I had to intervene. "You're both asshats and I don't have any crayons to explain this to you properly, but my human needs to eat her lunch." They laughed so loudly some of the humans looked at us funny and even I chuckled, cracking myself up. Bella was wiping her eyes and shaking her head.
"What the hell got into you all? Why are you arguing?" she asked once she caught her breath.
"Well, we heard how much you liked asshat and so we thought we'd try out some of Carlisle's insults on each other, but those were lame. We made up our own and we were having fun. At least until Edward stepped in!" Jasper said, rolling his eyes at me.
"They aren't really mad at each other, or me. You need to eat." I laughed, pushing her food towards her. She smiled at me and started to eat.
"OK, I get why they are goofing off, but since when do you insult people so skillfully?"
Emmett opened his mouth, dozens of embarrassing memories or times I had tried to tell him off but really just made him laugh his ass off with how bad I used to be at cursing or insulting someone popping up in his thoughts. "Behave." I said sternly. "Let the human eat and then you two can goof off to your heart's content."
"Oooh, did you hear that Jaz? He isn't going to stop us. We can annoy him some more after she eats! You heard him agree to that, right Bella?"
"I did." Bella said with a smile at Emmett. She would be the death of me. "To your heart's content. But no more condoms."
"Deal." Emmett and Jasper said together. I looked down at the table, which was suddenly interesting, and Bella giggled, admiring my embarrassment. My brothers could be annoying, but they made her so happy. How could I possibly be upset?
I would have to thank them for it later if it would be possible to do so without encouraging a repeat performance.
Charlie was on the phone with Billy when we got in from school. We could both hear his side of the conversation, though we pretended to concentrate on our math assignment:
"Is this because Edward knocked Jacob over? Trust me, he deserved it. He deserved a lot worse than that, even. I should have punched him a time or two myself.
Yes, I know he hurt Bella. He's apologized to both me and her profusely. Besides, at least he didn't try to kiss her against her will!
I. don't. care. if 'nothing happened'! Your son still tried to assault my daughter.
Yes, you are my best friend, but you're wrong about this. Your son is the bad influence, not the Cullen kid. Not by far.
Yes, yes, I know all about her little motorcycle. I'd love to give Jacob an earful about that one too!
I don't care who paid for it. He fixed it!
If you aren't ready to apologize for being wrong and tell me that you had that talk with Jacob, then this conversation is over.
No, I don't give a shit about your old superstitions! We're done!"
I started solving an equation with my pencil and Bella punched some numbers into her calculator as Charlie walked in the room. "Oh, hi guys."
"Hey dad."
"Hi Charlie."
"You heard all of that, huh?"
"We tried not to eavesdrop." she said, looking down at her paper shyly.
"It's alright."
"I'm sorry you're fighting with Billy." She would try to take the blame for something that wasn't at all her fault.
"Well, I'm not. I won't stand for you being treated that way. You didn't do anything wrong...well except maybe the motorcycle. I'm selling that as your punishment for buying it."
"I deserve that. I hope Billy comes around soon."
"Me too." I added.
"Are you two going to do homework all night or would you like to watch a movie or something with the old man?"
"A movie sounds fun. We just have a little more math to do." she answered, and I agreed. Charlie was trusting me and trying to get to know me a bit better, and I was glad. "I can make us some sandwiches and movie snacks for dinner." she added.
"That sounds fun." Charlie answered. He went upstairs to change out of his work uniform.
Once he was out of the room, Bella whispered, "That way you won't have to eat anything. I'll make us a tray of snacks to share and he won't pay attention to who is eating what if a movie is on."
"Smart girl." I kissed her lips and looked deep into her eyes, grinning, and dazzling her. She looked at me with pure adoration for a minute or two and then shook her head, trying to clear it, before looking back down at her paper.
Her faint, smiling blush warmed my entire body with happiness and a hint of desire, but I knew we had to behave.
We watched a movie with her dad and then I kissed her 'goodnight' and went home to spend a few hours with the family.
Jasper and Emmett were waiting to pounce me the second I walked in the door.
"Hey bro, we never celebrated properly when you lost your V-card!" Emmett started. I groaned and turned to run away, but Jasper sent me intense waves of embarrassment instead.
"Why Jasper?"
"Stopped you from running, didn't I?"
"What do you two imbiciles want?"
"You love us!" Emmett insisted.
"I do, but you both can be rather annoying."
"Hey, Alice had a vision this morning that Bella was going to worry about the Jacob situation and how it was affecting Charlie and be upset the entire lunch period. We did you a favor." Jasper said.
"Thank you." I responded sincerely. "You're always welcome to cheer Bella up. But what do you want with me?"
"Let's go for a hunt!" Emmett insisted.
"I want to be back before she falls asleep."
"Don't get your panties in a bunch! We won't go too far."
"Fine." They both grinned devilishly, thought of all of their favorite sexual positions in a quick flood of thoughts and took off running into the woods.
Unfortunately, Bella was already asleep when I returned. I hated that I missed kissing her goodnight properly before she fell asleep but was more than content to hold and admire her.
After an hour or so, she shifted, rolling to face away from me. I snuggled up to her, putting my arm around her as always and enjoying her scent and the calming sound of her breathing.
Although we were both peaceful and relaxed, her ass, covered only by thin panties, brushed against my crotch and it was all it needed to stand at attention, even though sex hadn't been on my brain. There were some drawbacks to being frozen at seventeen, although if Emmett and Jasper were examples of typical men, sex was almost always in their mind too.
It was a little unlike her to not wear pants to bed, especially in the winter. I couldn't stop thinking about it. And the way she suddenly whispered my name in her sleep, had she fallen asleep on accident waiting for me dressed as she was?
Though I did try to be proper, focusing on my love for her and her beauty, rather than my lust, it only intensified the flame burning inside of me just from her proximity.
My human needed her sleep, so waking her up was out of the question. She was not to be bothered in her slumber, especially after the stressful week she had and the lack of sleep the last few months. Certainly, she wouldn't be disturbed for my needs, not when she had always put herself last in everything and deserved the world.
Leaving, even just for a few minutes, was also out of the question. I feared that she would panic should she wake up without me, especially since I hadn't been there for her when she fell asleep. We were doing tons better, but I knew she was still at least a tiny bit scared by the months of my absence.
My thoughts wouldn't stop replaying every time we had been intimate together and how amazing it felt to be so close to her, not allowing me to think about anything else. After an hour, I gave up trying.
Feeling guilty and completely improper, I unzipped my pants and unbuttoned my boxers, freeing my dick into my hand. I closed my eyes, not daring look at her while I did such a shameful act.
Memories of how amazing her soft wetness felt around my cock distracted me completely, making me forget even where I was.
Her heart sped up and I knew that she was about to wake up. There was no time to hide what I was doing without my motions catching her attention, though I did try to cover it with some of the blanket.
She awoke gently and rolled over with a yawn, smiling, and gazing into my eyes.
"Are you alright, love?"
"Yeah, just woke up for a second."
"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you fell asleep."
"It's alright. Alice called me and told me your brothers embarrassed you into hunting with them."
"That's exactly what happened, with Jasper's influence on the embarrassment part."
She smiled, but then it turned into a smirk as she stretched, accidentally brushing her hand against my erection. "What's this doing out?"
My mind was racing with apologies, excuses, ways to beg her forgiveness. I started to panic. I hadn't intended to make her uncomfortable or to be inappropriate with her. I never wanted to make her the slightest bit uncomfortable.
She took my erection into her hand, caressing it gently with her fingers while I still panicked. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave and not be here if you woke up. I feel bad doing this in your room. I'm ashamed. I'm-"
"Relax." she said, gripping me properly and starting to stroke. She looked in my eyes and smiled softly. I moaned, barely remembering that we had to be quiet.
The sensations were indescribable and beautiful. Her touch was love and warmth. My desire for her was admiration and passion, not entirely carnal like most men would react to a lovely woman.
My thoughts were certainly purer than Emmett's, although I couldn't shake the thought of some of the positions they had visualized before we ran into the woods. Still, I couldn't deny that I had been inappropriate, yet she wasn't bothered. How did I ever deserve her?
"I was dreaming about you." she said quietly, still stroking me in long, gentle touches.
"Oh yeah? How did I ever get so lucky?" I couldn't believe it.
"Yeah, there was something I wanted to do again." she rolled over onto her stomach. Her face was only inches above my cock, and she looked up at me. I could smell her arousal.
"Still, I'm sorry for being improper."
"We're alone. It's not like we're in class or something. And you can touch me or admire me in any way you see fit, any time. I want you. I choose you. I love you. You can't be improper with me. It's impossible." she leaned her soft lips closer to my erection.
"Bella, we don't have to. You need your rest."
"And if I want to?" She bent over me, swirling her tongue around the head of my erection before she slowly took me in her mouth. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, biting my lip to keep from making noise…mostly.
I whispered a quiet "fuck" as she ran her tongue down the length of my shaft and continued sucking and licking me in a place that was entirely hers. The pleasure was indescribable, but so was the complete feeling of trust she placed in me not to harm her. Her comfort with me. I relaxed for a few minutes, barely even thinking of anything but pleasure.
She stopped her motions, and I opened my eyes. There was no more beautiful sight. She saw me looking and gave my cock one long, slow lick, barely breaking our eye contact before she sat up, making her face level with mine.
"You're not human."
"Why not?"
"There's no way humans are into sex this much."
"I am a vampire's mate." she said, smiling. "Besides, I'm only into sex with you. Not in general. Now how about you remove the rest of those clothes?"
"You're so gorgeous." I said as I started removing my shirt. "Seeing you like that, the things you do to me. Bella…you're all I think about. I can hardly focus on anything but you and how amazing it feels to be with you."
"Me too." she said, gently running her fingers along my erection. "Now these."
I happily complied and removed my pants and boxers, locked her door just in case, and returned to bed.
"May I?" I asked, reaching for her large t-shirt. She nodded and I removed it. She wore no bra underneath.
I immediately took one of her breasts in each hand, loving them and making her nipples harden at my touch. She was soaked. I helped her remove her panties and she put her hands on my shoulders, pushing me against the headboard. I did as she requested and sat still, watching, and adoring her.
She crawled into my lap and put her arms around me. Her scent, both of her blood and her arousal, drove me wild. She slowly lowered herself onto my aching cock and I had to bite my own lip again to not bite her or scream aloud from the pleasure.
She rested her head against my neck and kissed it. I spread my hands out over her ass and helped guide our motions.
"I love you so much." I whispered in her ear. It was a simple statement, but I needed her to know. She always made me feel like the most important man in the universe, her universe. The feeling was mutual. She was my everything.
"I love you too." she answered, and my heart swelled with happiness. She could never say it enough. It would be the same brand-new revelation, reminder of her love, each time.
"You are my own personal heaven. You, this, everything about you is perfect."
"I feel the same." I felt her smile against my neck as she ran a hand through my already messy hair. Her warm breath tickled the side of my neck. I made love to her slowly, carefully, savoring the feeling more than rushing towards the end goal.
When she lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes, I was completely overwhelmed with love for her. We kissed passionately and my release hit me almost by surprise, barely allowing me enough time to pull my mouth away from hers and turn my head away so as not to bite her. She came just seconds after me, taking my full length in her a few more times until we both were completely relaxed.
She straddled me, still holding me inside of her as we kissed again and then rested our foreheads together. I was rubbing the soft skin of her waist in my hands. She leaned back to yawn and I laughed quietly.
"My human needs her sleep."
"I don't want to."
"You need to."
"Can't I just take a nap on you in class tomorrow and use your notes afterwards?"
"Any time you like, my love. But you still need rest." I helped lift her off of me with a slight sadness at the loss of contact and cleaned us both up with a nearby towel from her shower. "We might need to do the laundry again tomorrow." She blushed, smiling softly.
"I'll help. I'm embarrassed that you caught me in such a position."
"Don't be. It was a turn on." she smiled.
"I'll keep that in mind then. It's hard to behave in your presence knowing what you feel like and how I can make you feel."
"Then don't behave." she said with a slight giggle and a yawn.
"Still, I don't want you to believe that's all I think about."
"You are capable of thinking of like a dozen things at a time. I'm just happy that some of those are me."
"Most of those are always you." I said, kissing her gently. "Ever since I first saw you. No one else has ever, will ever, elicit this response from me."
I got her a clean pair of panties from her dresser and helped her dress. She was already having trouble keeping her eyes open, resting her head on my chest as soon as I laid back down beside her. "Sweet dreams, my angel." I whispered, kissing her head, and holding her close with a large grin on my face.
Every time I thought I had finally done something to drive her away, like showing her my sparkling skin or my venomous teeth or touching myself with her nearby, she just loved me more. She always embraced my faults but wasn't afraid to tell me when I crossed a line or upset her. I loved her so much. I felt comfortable with her in a way I had never experienced with anyone before. It was freeing.
The next morning, she was rubbing her eyes and yawning as she got in the car, adorably sleepy. She was also frowning though, and I worried that she was upset with me.
"I shouldn't have kept you up."
"You didn't."
"Then what exactly would you call our late-night lovemaking?"
"Fun." she grinned, and I knew that I wasn't the source of her trouble. I was relieved. She rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.
"Indeed, it was. What's got you worried, beautiful?"
"Just dad and Billy still arguing. I heard them while I was getting ready for school."
"They were on the phone this early in the morning?" I asked. I understood that Charlie had to get up for work, but it seemed odd for Billy. Plus, I thought they had gotten it all out the night before.
"Yeah, apparently Billy apologized and told him it was his own mistake to make and that he should still go fishing this weekend."
"What did your dad say?"
"That it wasn't a sincere apology if it wasn't also concerned about what Jacob tried to do. My dad said that no matter how Billy felt about you, that wasn't the issue. It was Jake's behavior."
"I agree."
"I hate that they're arguing because of me."
"It's not because of you. It's because of Jacob." I insisted.
"I guess so."
"He was an asshat." I grinned and she smiled back at me. "Is an asshat." I repeated and she giggled a little. I was glad to have at least one new way to cheer her up in my arsenal. "Also, I think my brothers may have TPed Tyler's house last night."
"What?!"
"Yeah, I just drove by there and the trees and his replacement car are absolutely covered in toilet paper, including in some very tall places that I highly doubt a human could have reached on their own."
"Why would they do a thing like that?!"
"He bothered their little sister." She tried to look upset, but her cute little smile told me that they had done alright by her.
I would do my best to never tell her that I helped them, especially with the parts that would inconvenience him personally. I didn't regret it.
Author's Note: It had been too long since our last lemon! I have had this idea in my head for a while and finally decided it was appropriate. After all, he is acting 17, but he's still Edward, so he'd still be terrified of her little discovery. Good thing Bella is crazy about him!
