Harry Potter and the Method of Double-Tap.
An interlude for murder.
A new academic year.
The Daily Prophet ran the story two days later that Headmaster Dumbledore had threatened to resign if the best Defence teacher they'd had in decades couldn't come back. And Amelia Bones, head of the DMLE had come out and said quite pointedly that as a registered werewolf with a supply of wolfsbane potion, Mr Lupin was quite safe enough to teach her niece.
Neville told Harry on the train, that his Grandmother who was on the board of governors had told him that Lucius Malfoy had apparently fought the appointment out of sheer bloody-mindedness … till Dumbledore pointed out Draco's Defence grades could do with work. Perhaps the teacher that got Draco his O in defence in third year?
Harry's letter had a badge in it. McGonagall, sadist that she was had made him a prefect. Probably revenge for the quidditch pitch.
The prefects had their own carriage. Which sounded grand... but was exactly the same style, with a small sign saying 'Prefects & Heads only.' Inside, there was one large compartment, with side benches. At the far end was black wooden box with a hinged slot labelled 'Contraband'. It was… a meeting room on wheels.
Harry had arrived early and waited. Hermione Granger came in early and was surprised to see Harry.
"Fifth year boys" said Harry "Me, Ron, Dean Seamus, Neville. Pick one to enforce any sort of rules?"
"You're not the greatest at rules" said Hermione.
"Miss, I stole ingredients and brewed polyjuice" asked Harry.
"I had good reasons" said Hermione and stopped arguing about it.
"Are you going to see her?" asked Hermione.
"Yes, I promised to demonstrate a patronus" said Harry.
"Showing off for your girlfriend" said Hermione jokingly. Harry shook his head "Betrothed is so far from girlfriend. We're married a week after my birthday, summer after seventh year. No getting out of it."
"I – I could read the contact, I'm sure I could – " offered Hermione breathily.
"Go insane. It's cursed against anyone not a Greengrass or Black reading it. Their lawyer had a look and is in St Mungos." said Harry sullenly.
"That's evil" said Hermione vehemently "A poor innocent lawyer."
It took Harry a moment to realise she was being sarcastic.
The Head boy… a Cedric Diggory esquire, and head Girl… the justifiably feared Meg Frobisher from Gryffindor ran a briefing for the prefects. Apparently it wasn't a certainty to be prefect for three years. Or even all of one year hinted Frobisher darkly.
As Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson were Prefects, Harry had another reason to hate Snape's legacy.
The fifth year prefects were sent back to their carriages. They apparently weren't expected to be able to stop shenanigans.
Harry rode the train north to Scotland. Not having a piece of Voldemort in his scar should feel different… lighter…. Fix his eyesight or something. Sadly it seemed to have had no effect aside from taking away being able to speak parseltounge. Not that Harry really minded. It was pretty useless. His scar on his forehead had become smaller, was less swollen.
He did have less nightmares… but a wider variety of them. And dreams that ended up in messed up pyjamas... mostly featuring a certain naked blonde on a towel. Did he regret being a peeping tom? Well peeping Harry? Slightly ashamed, but… cor.
Speaking of witch… she had arrived with a lot of Slytherin girls. All her friends. "Show me the spell Potter" said Daphne, without introduction.
Harry cast the patronus charm and from a gout of silver smoke, Prongs emerged and stood, chest heaving, snorting clouds of silver smoke.
"It is quite big" said Daphne, and snorted. Harry sent Prongs out into the hallway so the others could see.
"It tingles!" said someone in quite a girly tone.
"Oh it is anatomically correct" said a similar voice and Harry blushed.
"I would never have thought to look" said Hermione indignantly.
"Bring it back in here!" said Daphne, and Harry wiggled his wand, Prongs returning through the wall. Daphne ran a hand though his neck "What is that?" she asked "It is tingly!"
"Love" said Harry "It's the basis of the charm. Visualisation… and endless practice. Took me about seven months. An incorporeal one is just a cloud-like shield, but they work as a defence. Prongs can herd Dementors and drive off all he finds. And acts at a distance. He only works on Dementors and Lethifolds, otherwise he'd be utterly brilliant."
"Seven months in third year, Harry" said Hermione. "I have no idea how he does that."
"You can't do it?" asked Daphne "Hermione… gets every spell Granger can't cast … this?"
Hermione shook her head "This is so far beyond typical seventh year charms it's crazy. Some Aurors can't do it."
"So… he really is you know 'the chosen one?' asked Daphne.
"Don't call him that, he'll get swelled head" said Hermione. "If he worked harder he'd be very good."
"I get E's" said Harry. "I'm doing fine."
"Harry, you didn't sit exams last year" said Hermione "You were busy."
Harry cancelled the patronus and Prongs faded out.
"Why do you call it He?" asked Daphne. "It's just magic."
"Because it's Prongs. My father's animagus form" said Harry.
"Is that patronus hard to keep going?" asked Daphne "You act like it's not..."
"It's easier afterwards" said Harry "The first times … like a tiny silver spark. The cloud's… not easy. Keeping it going is hard… I'm used to it now."
"Harry can be a menace" said Ron "His cheering charm in the third year charms had me out of it for ages."
"You were very funny for a while there" admitted Harry, smiling nostalgically.
"Well... I did a patronus. See you at potions I guess?" said Harry.
"Have you got chocolate for me?" asked Daphne.
"Er... no?" Harry replied.
"Trolley witch. I'm in 1C." said Daphne ,and she left with her friends.
Harry sat down.
"Harry, go get her chocolate" said Hermione.
"Why?" asked Ron.
"Because you're … betrothed!" said Hermione "Boyfriends get girlfriends chocolate. She's as you said… far beyond being a girlfriend. Go get her chocolate."
Harry went down the train and found the trolley witch selling sweets. As he had no idea what kind of chocolate she liked, he bought one of everything, and started back up the train.
Draco Malfoy, with a side-order of Crabbe and Goyle found him in the hall of the third carriage.
"Potter, you're disgusting" sneered Malfoy. "Getting yourself betrothed to a proper pure-blood witch. You've ruined her life."
"Well… it just happened. Like getting betrothed to our cousin, Delphini. Who's apparently Aunt Bellatrix's bastard. With Tom Riddle, half-blood. What was she thinking? Fortunately we could tear that one up… she's a bastard after all. And a very nasty person, who's now in Azkaban for using Unforgivables. A lot like her parents. Except her dad's dead."
"Pansy told me about your plan, Potter. It won't work" said Draco, changing the subject "Girls aren't good at quidditch."
"Draco, the Gryffindor team, that beat you, had girls on it. The only team that doesn't is Slytherin. Aunt Andromeda, Aunt Bellatrix and your mother were on the team, and they did beat Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. And won the quidditch cup" said Harry.
"My father will hear of this!" said Draco with sly smile "And he's on the board of governors."
Harry couldn't stand the Malfoy's shit anymore, and tore into Draco "Your grandfather had the second pitch torn down, so only one team can practice and nobody else can play. All because your father's team wasn't as good as your mothers. What he did to make it up to her, I'll never know. And also… never tell me. It would probably make me sick."
"My mother married who grandfather told her to, and not some half-blood glory-hog like you" said Draco firmly.
"Well Draco, it would give me no greater pleasure than to cancel the betrothal. You'd appreciate it and Daphne Greengrass would appreciate it even more. Sadly, it's a cursed contract, and neither of us can escape. Sirius says your mother would have heard of the one Grandmama Melania used to talk about to frighten the children. Mine and Daphne's is worse than that one." said Harry tiredly. "Are we done? Because I've got an armload of chocolates for Daphne and I don't think keeping a witch waiting is a good idea."
"You got her all that chocolate?" asked Draco "Don't you even know what kind she likes?"
"No, Draco I don't. I do know she likes chicken Kiev, lobster theramdor and crusty bread. Her favourite cheese seems to be anything except cheddar. I've been to dinner with her… fifteen times now at restaurants. Chocolate seems to not have come up." said Harry, counting on his fingers.
"Restaurants? You're taking her to restaurants?" said Draco, sounding confused.
"Expensive restaurants, so we at least have a good meal to talk about" said Harry. "I'm enjoying the food, but now… alas, Hogwarts and the culinary delights of Hogsmeade."
"You should have bought good chocolate beforehand" said Draco snidely.
Harry shrugged "Are we done? You can get Crabbe and Goyle to hold me while you punch me if you want?"
"What?" asked Draco, totally confused.
"I'm going to a compartment full of witches who don't like me, to offer chocolate to the witch who I can literally not escape from, ever. At least you and Pansy like each other." said Harry.
Draco looked confused, and Harry pushed past, saying to Crabbe and Goyle "The witches in 1C may have chocolate they don't like in a bit." he offered.
Goyle shook his head "Never take chocolate from a witch. They might need it later and hex you" he said. Harry blinked, was he getting life advice from Goyle?
"Potter…. Is Greengrass craving chocolate?" asked Draco casually.
"She wanted some, so … I dunno? Does it matter?" asked Harry.
"He's going to die" gloated Draco "Goodbye Potter. You ignorant fool."
Harry went along to the first carriage and the third compartment, and peered in. It was full of Slytherin witches… Daphne… and friends. Harry knocked on the door.
Daphne looked over, narrowed her eyes and waved a hand idly. Harry let himself in, and handed over all the chocolate bars. "As requested" said Harry carefully, and nodded. And might have been looking at her legs, sticking out of her dress.
"I'm going to need boil cure. So much boil cure" said Daphne "You can go…. Ew nougat ... Sally have some nougat." Daphne handed Sally-Anne, who wore glasses, the nougat-filled bar.
"Which kind do you like best?" asked Harry. "So I can get some from Honeydukes."
"Everything except nougat" said Daphne.
"She likes dark chocolate pralines, but you can't get them at Honeydukes" explained Tracey Davis, Harry's eyes flicked over then back to Daphne.
"I was trying to give the Gryffindor instructions it could understand. Simple ones." said Daphne.
"I'll get Aunt Andromeda to find a supplier of Dark chocolate Pralines, and Sirius to put them on permanent owl order. Anything else?" asked Harry, seizing the opportunity.
"We have not arranged a place or time to meet. The contract requires it." said Daphne.
"Library after dinner" sighed Harry "We can do assignments."
"Why does Potter only look at you?" asked someone… Lily Moon maybe.
"He doesn't" said Daphne dismissively.
"He does so" said a very subdued Pansy. "He didn't even notice I was here."
"Parkinson. I met your boyfriend on the way here. He delayed the arrival of the chocolate." said Harry, unable to pry his eyes off Daphne. It seemed to be a tiny side-effect of that perving he'd done. Like the hard-on she gave him fully clothed.
"He really is…. He really only has eyes for you" said Lily "Well, you've got that going for you Daphne."
"Uh… Daphne have you told them about the kissing?" asked Harry.
"Oh my god you're kissing Potter? Is he any good?" asked Lily Moon.
"I'm not kissing Potter. No yet anyway" said Daphne crossly.
"Are you going to tell them, or am I going to get hexed into next week?" asked Harry.
"I like the latter, but… the marriage contract is heavily cursed, and we have to do certain things before we marry. Dining together in public twice a week, can't dance with anyone else or we die… and after I turn sixteen, we have to kiss and make each other laugh" said Daphne. "So after my birthday... Potter and I will have to snog. And tell jokes. I hate my life."
"Daphne dear… dance and die?" asked Pansy "The and die bit seems a bit … drastic."
"If you see Daphne about to dance with anyone please stun her." said Harry "Same goes for me."
"You just … asked us to stun you?" asked Pansy.
"I'll, uh tell my friends too" said Harry. "And I suspect being a Black family curse, the dying will be after a lot of screaming agony. Have you told them about the other bits? For after we're married?"
"Oh really Potter, they can probably guess." said Daphne.
"You do get to decide all of that." said Harry.
"I'm fifteen. I'm not having this conversation" said Daphne stiffly.
Harry nodded. "Sure. See you in the library tomorrow night."
"Ugh. Assignments" said Daphne. "There won't be any, surely."
"Then ...we can... revise" said Harry, feeling disgusted with himself. "We have to spend that time together."
Professor Lupin's announcement at the Sorting feat was met by clapping and a few cheers.
Then someone yelled "Werewolf!"
Professor Lupin stood up and said "Here wolf, but I take wolfsbane potion so all that happens is I painfully turn into a werewolf every full moon.
Snape was gone, replaced by Professor Carrow, a bulky and florid witch.
When the second quidditch pitch for pick-up games was announced, there was a cacophony of cheers from around the hall. Professor McGonagall, Harry noted looked particularly cat-like and smug.
The next morning Dean confronted Harry.
"Learn a silencing charm Harry" said Dean looking tired "I don't want to hear your wet dreams about Daphne all bloody night. You're worse than Ron's snoring."
"Yeh have to admire his devotion, keeping dreaming about one girl all night" said Seamus "Shame it's not a really pretty one."
"Daphnes' gorgeous" blurted out Harry.
"Oh dear" said Neville "That cursed contract affected his mind."
"Frankly" said Ron "She's a bit horse-faced, and well… small front and back. Apart from looking down on everyone not in Slytherin."
"Now… Pavarti's bum" said Dean "There's a bum." Seamus nodded "And Padma's is the same. Twice as many bums."
"And Lavender Browns boobs" said Ron suddenly. "Best in year, am I right?"
Seamus and Dean nodded.
"Lily Moon's got the prettiest face" said Neville "Not that she's my type"
Harry blinked. He didn't think Neville even noticed girls.
"Lily Moon's face, Lavenders boobs and Pavartis' bum" said Ron. "That's the perfect girl."
"Um… I don't have any choices any more about that" said Harry, feeling irritated.
"Oh… he's… convincing himself. Do it under a silencing charm" said Dean.
-==0==-
Harry sat in the library after dinner and waited for Daphne. Who turned up looking annoyed.
"An assignment on the first day of term. McGonagall's a b witch." she said, by way of introduction.
Harry opened his charms book and started looking for a silencing charm.
"What are you looking for?" asked Daphne. "You haven't had a charms assignment ? You haven't had charms yet have you?"
"I'm looking for a silencing charm. Ron snores" lied Harry.
"Oh. Household charms and hexes by Throckmorton Gruntfuttock, on the charms shelves, about the second shelf from the floor." said Daphne. "Pansy snores, broken nose."
"It's not naturally like that?" asked Harry.
"She broke it climbing a tree before school, and her mother was in Spain. When she came home, it had set and her mother said she could keep it to learn her lesson about being a proper witch." said Daphne.
"Madam Pomfrey?" asked Harry.
"It's not an injury at school. She won't touch it. We've done everything. Pans is going to get it fixed once she's got NEWTs, according to her mother."
Harry imagined a nosebleed nougat. "I know someone who can help" said Harry, going to get the charms book.
Daphne was reading her Transfiguration textbook slowly looking for something for the assignment.
Harry watched her for a bit, surreptitiously watching the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen really. Her lips moved when she read, Harry noticed. Something horrible occurred to him. She… didn't get really good marks, just A'.s And her lips moved when she read. The horrible suspicion that Daphne Greengrass, most gorgeous girl in the world, and his one-day wife might be … a bit thick slid into his brain like a bad smell.
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, and read the charms book, looking for the silencing spell, finding it in the index finally. He turned to the right page, the book falling open as if often opened to this page. Harry started reading again and pinched the bridge of his nose. The words were, as usual a bit fuzzy.
"Potter?" asked Daphne Greengrass "Do you need a headache potion? I have some in my bag."
"Oh… I get always get a headache by the end of class" said Harry.
"Which is why I carry headache vials" said Daphne, handing one over, and taking one herself. "That's a bit better!" she said soon afterwards, and read faster.
Harry took the vial; which tasted better than the stuff Madam Pomfrey handed out and soon felt better and was reading more himself.
"Potter, have you ever changed your glasses?" asked Daphne. "They're the same pair you were wearing when you came to Hogwarts?"
"Um yeah" said Harry non-committally.
"Sally-Anne gets new glasses every year" observed Daphne "You probably need them changed. For something more fashionable if nothing else."
"Fine!" Harry snapped "I'll go have Madam Pomfrey check them out."
"Now" said Daphne, getting up.
"Why are you coming?" asked Harry.
"It hasn't been an hour. And besides, I still have a headache." said Daphne.
Madam Pomfrey was pleased to see him, but frowned when Daphne came in too.
"You're too young for that potion" she said immediately.
Harry went red in the face "It's not that!" he said, his stupid voice choosing that exact moment to crack again.
"Potter hasn't had his eyes tested. I don't think his glasses work for him properly." said Daphne. "He gets headaches at the end of the day."
"So do you" Harry said resentfully.
Harry was led to a line on the floor, pointed at an eye-test sign on the wall and instructed to read down with his left eye covered. He got all the way to fourth line from the bottom, then did the same with his right eye.
"Well. He does need new glasses" said Madam Pomfrey. "Unable to read the last four lines."
"Watch and learn" said Daphne, covering her left eye. After reading the fourth from bottom line she stumbled "That line is too small to read" she said. Repeating the test with her right eye, she got all the way to one line from the bottom before stopping.
"Miss Greengrass… have you ever had a proper eye test by an optometrist?" asked Madam Pomfrey.
"My eyesight is fine" said Daphne forcefully "And I'm certainly not wearing glasses."
"Potter, Greengrass at your next opportunity go see an optometrist and you, Harry get new glasses that work for you. Miss Greengrass, you can either go and get tested, or I will write to your parents and take you myself."
"There's contact lenses. It won't look like glasses" suggested Harry.
"How does that work?" asked Daphne.
"It's tiny lenses you put on your eyeball" said Harry uncertainly "There's a lot of taking out and cleaning required. I think". From advertisements on the telly he'd seen anyway.
"Ew" said Daphne. "Maybe just glasses for studying."
There was not, it transpired an optometrist in Hogsmeade, and a trip to Diagon Alley would be required. As the only notional adult without a proper job, Sirius Black was roped in to do it next Saturday.
Madam Pomfrey used her floo to send Harry and Daphne off to Grimmauld place.
Harry had worn the sort of clothes he wore to Hogsmeade; jeans and a jumper. Daphne was wearing a green robe.
Sirius was respectably dressed and shaved, and took them to Diagon Alley via floo to the Three Broomsticks.
The wizarding optometrist had a room with a chair with a very large thing like turn-able glasses lenses that swung over your head, and picked out some that let Harry read an eye chart easily, then asked what shape frames Harry wanted.
"Exactly what I had" said Harry.
The optometrist did what looked like transfiguration on Harry's old glasses, making the lenses pop out, and replaced them with some from a couple of numbered drawers.
"Those are so boring" said Daphne.
"And Miss Greengrass" said Sirius and Daphne sat on the chair, and the optometrist fiddled, and Daphne read lines.
"Oh… how odd. One eye is long-sighted and the other short" they said, and fiddled some more.
Daphne was given a tester to wear that looked, Harry thought like Arthur Weasley had made of levers and little window shutters like a house might have.
Then the optometrist had Daphne read a page from a book first with one eye blanked off using little shutters on the tester, then the other.
"Right" they said "Now, pick out a frame you like."
Harry, hours later, remembered those words. His stomach was grumbling and Daphne had found nothing she liked.
"Well," said the optometrist "We could be here all day at this rate, young lady."
"I don't want to wear them" said Daphne. "Glasses look stupid."
The optometrist sighed and went out the curtain to a back room and came back with a thick book.
"A frame catalogue from Madame Messiolet's in Paris" they said. "See if there's something you like."
Harry was wondering if Madam Pomfrey could grow back his own fingers if he bit them off from hunger, when Daphne said "That!" and pointed at the page.
The optometrist looked and made a note in the middle of a parchment.
"I'll get this sent via portkey then fit your lenses. They will be owl posted out in a few days." said the Optometrist, then shook Sirius down for a hundred and two galleons.
"Two galleons for his, and a hundred for hers" said the Optometrist.
Sirius mercifully stopped at the Leaky for a round of bowls of stew.
Harry's new glasses made studying that night… the same but without headaches.
Thursday morning, over breakfast Hermione said "Daphne Greengrass just got a package."
Harry turned around and it was a small parcel; about glasses case sized.
She opened the parcel, look out a glasses case and opened it, putting on some glasses with thin golden frames. She looked over at Harry and clearly narrowed her eyes. The lenses seemed to be octagonal. Harry shrugged.
That evening Daphne Greengrass wearing glasses sat down in the Library opposite Harry.
"I don't have a headache" she said bluntly.
"Me neither" said Harry, and they studied for a couple of hours.
"About the quidditch?" asked Harry as they were packing up.
"I haven't asked anyone" said Daphne. "I don't really like flying."
"Try it with a decent broom and being able to see properly out of both eyes" said Harry "I'll be at the new field with my broom after dinner tomorrow."
"If you insist" Daphne huffed.
-==0==-
Harry looked out over the new quidditch pitch, where some people he didn't recognise were playing … apparently without seekers or snitches. More fun that way, he thought. Like games at the Burrow.
Daphne did arrive, looking… nervous, Harry supposed. Her glasses were glinting gold and that and it being Daphne Greengrass kept making his head jerk to watch her. Her glasses frames, he told himself, are not a snitch.
"Well, just hold out your and say 'up', but think of the broom jumping into your…" said Harry, as his prized Firebolt leapt into Daphne's hand.
"I didn't have to say up? Just think it?" said Daphne "It's like our dog Fiddlesticks, pulling on his lead."
Daphne stopped onto the broom and sat gingerly, then relaxed. "The cushioning charm is like a comfy seat." she said "You lot playing quidditch look so athletic… but this one is like sitting on a comfy chair."
"Um… don't lift your feet" said Harry, realising the Firebolt was also the fastest broom in the world.
"Why not?" asked Daphne.
"Well it's the fastest broom in the world and a bit… twitchy. I'll get on and you fly pillion… get used to the speed first" said Harry.
"I assure you" said Daphne, putting one food on a foot-peg "That a broom a bit faster that a school broom can't be that hard. Everything about this has been absolutely brilliant so far. Besides, flying pillion with you implies a level of companionship we don't have."
With that, she put her other foot up, and sat floating three feet off the ground, and then she leaned forward a bit and shot off, up into the air. Rather slowly, thought Harry, she was hardly using the Firebolt properly at all.
She just kept flying straight up, away from Harry… out over the lawn, past the stone perimeter fence… up and up, finally she turned slowly, barely more than a dot in the sky, and headed in a long circle around … around all of Hogwarts. At a speed that Harry found frankly insulting to his poor Firebolt. Barely faster than a muggle car.
After a long, boring wait, Daphne flew past a bit faster.
"If this is a proper broom, the school brooms are absolutely useless" said Daphne, flying around the lawn casually.
"Well, yeah… but you're going very slow" said Harry "Lean forward further, it goes a lot faster than th – "
Daphne disappeared at speed. That, thought Harry was a respectable speed for a Firebolt. She turned and shot around Hogwarts at a fairly decent speed.
A dishevelled Daphne Greengrass landed extremely quickly next to Harry a few minutes later, her hair a mess, her cheeks a teensy bit pink.
"My glasses are freezing!" she complained. "That broom is insane. How can you possibly fly it in a confined space and turn around other players. You are actually a complete maniac, aren't you?" she said very animatedly.
"Um… it's fun?" said Harry, taking the Firebolt form her unresisting hands, jumping on, and shooting off into the sky. As usually happened, he stopped caring about everything except the air, speed and his Firebolt. A quick dart along to the far hoops, a high speed turn, standing on the footpegs and just pulling the front around the turn as near to on the spot as possible, straining every muscle, and back to the other hoops, a climb pushing his Firebolt as fast as it would go, and a quick descent, stopping inches off the ground. Harry got off the broom and stretched "I've missed that" he said "And I've got really unfit. That quick turn was terrible. Oliver Wood would have made me run laps. Gee it was slow."
Daphne Greengrass was staring at Harry, mouth twisted sideways "You… just stopped in mid-air, and went the other way like you were a ball bouncing off a wall, and you're saying it was slow."
"Could you see me do it?" asked Harry "Cos' I've got to move faster than that. How else can I shake off the other seeker."
"You… are actually...completely...utterly insane on a broom, aren't you?" asked Daphne.
"Course not" said Harry "But when I fly… it's like all my problems have been left behind –"
"Yes, I was right here" said Daphne sharply.
"Look, this contract is terrible, but I wasn't' talking about you… all my problems… my rotten relations, exams, Snape hating me…. It's all gone and It's just me, the air and the broom. I don't even really think of anything except where to fly next. It's so peaceful."
"You were flying so fast you were a blur!" retorted Daphne "That is not peaceful."
"It is to a bird catching insects" said Harry, looking at the sky "And it's time to go in. The insects and bats come out soon, and the insects get stuck to your glasses if you're lucky."
"And if you're not?"
"You swallow a bug" said Harry, shuddering. "Smiling is right out too. Stuck to your teeth."
"So the reason all you quidditch players look grim is … bugs on your teeth?" asked Daphne.
"Really, quidditch is an excuse for a good fly" said Harry. "I didn't even join the team, McGonagall press-ganged me into it."
They started walking back towards the nearest castle entrance.
"Well….after Hogsmeade, you can loan me your broom for an hour or so" said Daphne. "I'll have a 'good fly' and bring it back in once piece."
"After Hogsmeade?" asked Harry.
"Well, you're going to buy me chocolates. Also… I think I want to buy a new scarf. So you can buy that too" said Daphne.
"We're going to Hogsmeade?" asked Harry.
"So you can buy things for me. We're betrothed, therefore you buy things for me." said Daphne.
"Yeah… right" acknowledged Harry.
"Not that we're going to hold hands, kiss or snog" said Daphne. "Though you should be careful, that cousin Tonks of yours is keeping a lookout, so open doors for me and carry my things. Oh … and help me in and out of the carriage."
"I usually go with Ron and Hermione." said Harry "My friends."
"Strangely, I usually go with MY friends" said Daphne. "But taking Granger and Pans shopping sounds like my idea of hell."
"Yeah… Pansy would be awful" acknowledged Harry.
"Pansy is my friend!" said Daphne "Granger is an insufferable know-it-all with bad hair and terrible clothes."
"Who get's O's in exams." said Harry. "And she did the thing with her hair at the Yule ball."
"And how many hours did that take?" asked Daphne. "She's never done it since. It's like she doesn't care about her daily appearance at all."
"I think she just cares more about books and assignments. Really" said Harry "She gets a bit… obsessive about exams. But she means well."
"Yes she's just the humble princess of Gryffindor. Until a ball happens, and then she's all glamoured up, and dating Viktor Krum." said Daphne bitterly.
"Well… you're much prettier than Hermione, even compared to her Ball outfit, and you're betrothed to me… and I'm way more famous than Viktor is. He's a good bloke really, just… awkward around fangirls" said Harry.
Daphne had stopped walking "You really do have an ego the size of Hogwarts, don't you?" asked Daphne "I'm more famous than Viktor Krum? Like I should feel glad to be betrothed to you?"
"I um… am" said Harry, looking at some particularly interesting grass.
"What are you mumbling about. Honestly they should call you the boy-who mumbles!" asked Daphne.
"I'm glad to be betrothed to you. You're so gorgeous" said Harry, going red in the face.
Daphne Greengrass wasn't moving or saying anything, and Harry looked up at her. She was standing, gaping, like nobody had called her gorgeous before.
"Are you all right?" asked Harry.
"You're weird" said Daphne, and she walked off quickly. Harry stared at her retreating figure. So gorgeous. So gorgeous… but she called him weird. Like he was a creepy stalker…. Well, apart from that one time with the gun and the perving and the wanking, he wasn't. And he definitely loved Daphne Greengrass. She was so pretty.
Harry wondered about nicking back to Gryffindor tower, getting his cloak and going to see the Slytherin Girls dorms… to see Daphne take a shower.
On second thoughts, thought Harry, a trip to the bathroom before bed. And a good wank.
Friday, apart from the torment that was potions with Professor Carrow, was shaping up to be a good day, thought Harry.
Professor Carrow spent ages standing over Harry's cauldron, criticising his technique as he chopped and stirred. The potion came out all right, Harry thought, and Professor Carrow gave him a Poor for it.
Harry remembered to bring some nosebleed nougats to study after dinner to the library and explained to Daphne.
"You expect me to give Pansy, my friend some home-made prank sweet?" asked Daphne, looking over her glasses at Harry. Harry's brain stalled at the sight and he was left staring stupidly at the pretty girl.
"Potter?" she asked after Harry has sat, dumbfounded for a while "Snap out of it!"
"Um… so her nose is set wrong, one of these, go see Madam Pomfrey and just before she does, eat the other end, that stops the bleeding.
"Madam Pomfrey knows it's not still broken" said Daphne.
"So do I, but persistent nosebleeds is a symptom of a badly healed broken nose. Madam Pomfrey will fix it." said Harry.
"Potter, one is not persistent" said Daphne dismissively.
Harry put the other nosebleed nougats on the table "Persistent nosebleeds" said Harry.
"If this hurts Pansy, I will hex you in the bits repeatedly" said Daphne, gathering out the sweets.
A week later, Pansy had a different shaped nose. It looked odd to see the pug-faced girl looking, well… human.
Daphne sat down opposite Harry in the Library with a huff "Your idea worked. And she's not snoring."
"Well, half your luck, Ron snores and it's not his nose." said Harry.
"Just feed him to a monster" said Daphne dismissively.
"I've spent a lot of time escaping monsters with Ron, can you not suggest that." said Harry tiredly.
"Escaping monsters?"
"Three-headed dogs, Trolls, dangerous plants, acromantulas, angry centaurs, and the basilisk that was petryfying everyone" said Harry "He's very handy in a sticky situation."
"Basilisk kill they don't petrify" said Daphne. "If you're going to make up stories to sound cool, get your facts right."
"IF you only see the reflected gaze, in mirrors, shiny armour, pudddles of water, or though a ghost, you get petrified" said Harry evenly "It's a mostly useless piece of basilisk trivia. Also… they have a lot of teeth. More than a normal snake."
"And how do you escape a basilisk?" asked Daphne slightly sarcastically.
"I have no idea." admitted Harry "I killed it, the hard way with a sword through the brain. The Headmasters' phoenix Fawkes had blinded it, and saved me after I got my stupid self bitten. Phoenix tears cure almost anything."
'Bullshit" said Daphne politely.
Harry sighed "Come on I'll show you the bite mark" said Harry and got up.
Daphne followed, and started to leave the classroom when Harry pulled off his robes.
"I'm not doing anything with you that involves clothes coming off, not till I have to" she said walking towards the door.
"Not that" said Harry, glad his trousers were baggy, as he took off his shirt and pointed at the scar on his arm. "It's went in and hit bone " Harry explained. "Right here" he pointed.
Daphne turned around and saw Harry with his shirt off, pointing at a large scar on his arm.
She stopped, huffed and walked back over to see.
"The fang… must have been quite big?" she said.
"Well look at my other shoulder, on the back," Harry pointed "That's a tail spike from the Hungarian Horntail, and you saw how big that was."
Daphne inspected the scar of the Dragon spike "Better healed" she offered.
"Basilisk venom's a bit that way" Harry admitted.
"What made all the other scars on your back" asked Daphne. "And your arms?" she paused "Is there some Gryffindor fighting club or something?"
Harry pulled his shirt on hurriedly and buttoned it up hastily "Just accidents" he said.
"All over your back and arms. And your neck?" she asked.
"I do get hospitalised most years at Hogwarts" said Harry, pulling his robe back on.
Daphne crossed her arms over her chest "You've been hurt a lot" she said.
"Like I said… lots of escaping monsters" said Harry firmly.
"How are you still alive?" asked Daphne.
"I'm really good at not dying. So much so, Mad-Eye Moody wanted to adopt me." said Harry, with a wry smile. "But Sirius already had."
"He was creepy" said Daphne quickly "He liked torturing those spiders."
"Oh that wasn't Moody. It was a Death Eater using Polyjuice. He set up some nasty surprises for me." said Harry blandly.
Daphne blinked "Pull the other one" she said. Harry shook his head "Barty Crouch Junior who escaped Azkaban, with some polyjuice from Barty Crouch senior. Who … well Mr Crouch died poorly, and Barty Junior… I killed him when he tried to torture me to death. It was ruled self-defence."
"You've… killed an adult in self-defence!" said Daphne loudly and shrilly "And I'm marrying you."
"More than one." said Harry "It's not like I'd kill you, I like you."
"Why would you kill me anyway?" asked Daphne nervously. "The contract would switch to my sister."
Harry smiled "Of course it would" he said as reassuringly as he could.
"Did you think about killing me and my sister?" asked Daphne.
"Come off it, you definitely considered killing me" said Harry. "I have a nasty suspicion that results in you being betrothed to Sirius though."
"Ew" said Daphne "He's as old as my father, and – "
"Cracked" admitted Harry.
"You're actually a dangerous maniac" said Daphne slowly.
"Not to you" corrected Harry "You're far too pretty to live without."
Daphne backed away from Harry and stopped in the doorway "If you killed this basilisk, where is it?"
"Chamber of secrets" said Harry simply, and gave a one-shoulder shrug "Deep under Hogwarts"
"So... you're the actual heir of Slytherin?" asked Daphne.
"No, you just need to be a parselmouth to open the doors" corrected Harry. "I know who did that, and well… it was Voldemort possessing someone. It's not their fault, so let's not discuss that further."
"Does he do that?" asked Daphne.
"Annoyingly often. I've stopp – " Harry cut himself off, feeling as bad at keeping secrets as Hagrid.
"What in the name of Morgana is going on?" asked Daphne.
"Don't worry, I've got it under control" said Harry.
"You're fifteen" snapped Daphne "You can't have it under control."
"When you were learning to plait your hair with charms, I was fighting possessed wizards" said Harry bluntly. "I've done things nobody else can do. When I was a baby… it started and … It's over now."
"If you're so powerful, prove it." said Daphne.
"Apart from a patronus?" asked Harry "Cover your ears."
"Why, are you going to sing?" asked Daphne.
Harry drew his wand and replied "Blasting curse. Cover your ears."
Moody had spent ages drumming the curse in. It shredded multiple old school desks.
Daphne stared at the mess. "You make a good mess" she admitted.
"The gouging charm makes a bigger mess, but I can't do it inside the castle." said Harry, feeling like that demonstration had gone well.
"So… show me this Basilisk?" asked Daphne.
"Some other night. It's really messy to get to, I ended up covered in filthy slime." Harry replied.
"Ew. is it very smelly down there?" asked Daphne.
"Drains. Smells like drains. Well… that's part of the way there." admitted Harry.
"Oooh. Not doing that. Yuck" said Daphne.
"I haven't been moved to go back" admitted Harry. "Nearly dying did put me off the chamber a bit."
"So who else has been there?" asked Daphne.
"Um… let's say nobody. It's true enough" said Harry.
"So… there's a dead basilisk under Hogwarts. Couldn't you sell it?" asked Daphne. "Potion ingredients?"
"Basilisk venom's … very special" admitted Harry. "And it's got a very strong hide. Very magic resistant."
"Father could sell that, if you could get it to him" said Daphne. "At family brokerage rates of course."
Harry went to the Chamber of Secrets then called Kreacher. Remembering how to hiss open wasn't that hard really.
Kreacher was very surprised. To be called, and to see an enormous dead snake.
"Take the snake to the Greengrasses." said Harry "Cyrus Greengrass can apparently sell it for me."
"What kind of snake is that?" asked Kreahcer nervously.
"A dead basilisk. Take your time." said Harry. "Just… pop me back to the Gryffindor showers first."
"Kreacher may not carry you at Hogwarts" croaked Kreacher "Sorry." He didn't sound sincere.
"Get my broom then" said Harry with a sigh.
A dirty, tired Harry staggered back into the warmth and noise of the Gryffindor common room. That stupid basilisk better be worth real money, he grumbled to himself.
A week later, recovering from yet another detention from Potions the night before, Harry got a letter. From Cyrus Greengrass. A very odd letter.
'Dear Harry,
Fabulous merchandise. Making a market for it, stand to make a lot of money indeed.
Best son-in-law ever,
Cyrus.
P.S. Daphne is a good wife for you, thinking of this.
'
Harry looked over and Daphne Greengrass was reading a letter. She went red in the face and screwed it up.
Harry asked her that night in the library.
"Who wrote the letter that upset you?" asked Harry.
"My father" said Daphne stiffly.
"Uh… I got one and he was pretty pleased. Why is he upsetting you?" asked Harry.
"He suggested I be grateful to you for such a huge profit." said Daphne tightly.
"He said it was going to be a lot" agreed Harry. "But I don't know what a lot is."
"Enough to buy a house." explained Daphne.
"Well, it was your idea anyway, don't be bothered by it" said Harry.
Daphne stared silently at Harry for a while and went back to studying.
