Harry Potter and the Method of Double-Tap.

An interlude for murder.

Back to Privet Drive. No, really!

Harry got off the Hogwarts Express at Kings cross station. Platform nine and three quarters was crowded with Hogwarts students and their families going home.

Sirius and Andromeda stood, looking respectively causally dissipated and slightly irritated.

Harry dragged his trunk over.

"Harry" said Sirius "Sorry you can't stay Harry… but… rules are rules."

"It's all for the best" said Harry. "Daphne didn't want it, and this way she's free" said Harry, biting his lower lip.

"How are you getting back… to where they live" asked Andromeda Tonks.

"I uh, can take the train or the Knight bus, I suppose" said Harry.

"Oh the Knight bus will be dreadfully crowded today." said Andromeda. "It's their busiest day."

"New Year's Day is worse. Everyone's hung over" observed Sirius.

"I'll um... just take the train" said Harry awkwardly.

"I could… side along you" said Andromeda. "But… I'm not sure where it is."

Harry nodded "Best not to tell you." admitted Harry. "For their safety."

"What, Harry are you implying?" asked Andromeda, one eyebrow raised.

"I remember… at the Greengrasses." said Harry. "And you don't need a muggle-baiting charge."

"My daughter is an Auror, Harry" said Andromeda proudly.

"And I saw what she cast" said Harry bluntly "I'll just get some pounds out" he said, and opened his trunk and rummaged around.

"Honestly Harry" said Andromeda looking into the messy trunk "You could pack more neatly."

Harry found his muggle money, in a cheap old bag, and counted coins and notes.

"I've got enough" he admitted, put the money in his pocket, and closed his trunk.

"Take care, Harry" said Sirius. "I can come visit, if you'd like."

"The Durselys won't understand" said Harry.

Harry wheeled his trunk from the train station to Privet drive and stopped at the door of number four. He pressed the doorbell button.

Uncle Vernon opened the door angrily. "What? What are you doing here?"

"I um" said Harry "Sirius Black had to disown me. Technical reasons."

"You did something wrong, didn't you boy" said Uncle Vernon.

"Inside please?" asked Harry "I only need to stay till my birthday."

"Fine" grumbled Uncle Vernon.

Harry pulled the trunk in and shut the door.

"Well, what did you do?" asked Uncle Vernon.

"For ugly historical reasons, I ended up contracted to marry a girl. She didn't want to, neither did I. At least to start with." said Harry. Aunt Petunia had come into the hallway.

"To get out of the contract, I had to be disowned, which means I can't live at Sirius's house. Once I'm seventeen, I can legally live at my own place." said Harry. "So after my birthday, I can leave."

"Where are you going?" asked Aunt Petunia.

"France" said Harry "There's a château. Sirius is selling the one he's got and buying a different one, and I get that as a godson's present."

"A château?" asked Uncle Vernon "Isn't that…."

"A lot of money, yes" said Harry blandly. "A spare bedroom for a little over a month."

"We'll want rent" said Aunt Petunia.

Harry opened his wallet and handed over a five hundred pounds.

Harry did the dishes, and cooked breakfast.

Dudley looked at Harry oddly. "What's wrong with him?" he asked.

"It's complicated." said Harry.

The day of Harry's birthday, he packed, and left.

Sirius stood on the street outside Privet drive, and handed over a parchment "Happy birthday, godson."

Harry opened the parchment, which was a title for a château in France.

"It's a portkey" said Sirius "I was thinking we could spend some time learning the new place."

Harry nodded.

"And we've got a table covered in booze to drink" said Sirius.

They vanished in a whirl of colour.

-==0==-

"Greengrass, Potter first Patrol" said Hermione as new Head Girl.

"Why has Granger put us together?" asked Daphne as Harry negotiated the connecting platform slowly.

"Because we work well at stopping trouble" slurred Harry, leaning against the wall of the corridor.

"What is wrong with you?" asked Daphne stiffly, hands on hips.

"Just a bit tired" said Harry "I'll be fine in a bit."

"When did you last eat?" asked Daphne.

"I dunno… Wednesday?" said Harry.

"How can your own family be so horrible to you" asked Daphne angrily.

"I um… moved out on the first of August, to my château. Sirius took me" admitted Harry. "You got a headache potion?" he mumbled.

"Are you hung over" asked Daphne, hands on hips.

"Is that a trick question?" asked Harry, and he groaned "Shouldn't have had that cognac."

"Oh, I can't believe you! You're a prefect, and you're hung over" exclaimed Daphne.

"Oh I've done worse" said Harry, jerking into motion, heading over to a bathroom door and opening it and disappearing inside hastily.

Daphne Greengrass stood looking at the ceiling for a very long time before Harry Potter emerged, hair wet, face clean, looking much more put-together. Harry nodded to Daphne "I feel much better."

-==0==-

Harry's first night of Prefect Patrols saw him with Daphne Greengrass, again.

"Greengrass" said Harry, avoiding looking at her in the hallway by the staff-room door.

"Potter." said Daphne. "Let us begin our patrol."

Hours later, several fellow seventh years having been apprehended in broom closets, Daphne asked "Are you sober?"

"Yes of course" said Harry grumpily.

Quite a bit later Daphne said suddenly "Potter…" and Harry turned to look at the bespectacled blonde.

"What?" asked Harry.

"I… I… I'd like to say… thank you very much for doing as I asked, for getting me out of the contract. Cousin Tonks told me how to avoid going insane, but… I'd rather not be forced to do anything by some cursed contract."

"Yeah" exhaled Harry "I can say cursed magical contracts are pretty awful. But I did get to kiss you, to there was that."

Daphne smiled slightly "Well, yes… you did kiss quite well… I was thinking… and don't get weird about this… but…. I'd like to kiss you, once again, to show my appreciation for being free."

Harry blinked "Kiss? Again"?

"Don't get over-excited" said Daphne "One kiss."

Harry held out one hand and Daphne took it, and Harry pulled them together into a loose embrace, then leaned down "I'm up here, shorty." he said.

Daphne tilted her head back, and on tip-toes, kissed Harry on the lips, then stepped back out of the loose hold.

She licked her lips "That was just a thank-you" said Daphne.

Harry nodded "For freeing you from having to marry me. Yeah, that was definitely a thank-you kind of kiss."

Harry looked up from staring at the the floor to Daphne who was looking at Harry, brows lined "What's going on in your mind, Potter?"

"I was just thinking" said Harry "That… you don't have to marry me. However, there's nothing stopping you going to say, Hogsmeade with me, and traumatising Pansy and Draco by being seen together."

Daphne shook her head "There's no way I'd go out with you Potter. I narrowly escaped from a cursed marriage contract."

"That was with Harry Potter-Black. Totally different fellow" said Harry "I'm much poorer, and apart from having two O's in OWL's I've got hardly anything going for me."

"Well" said Daphne "You are a great cook and a good masseuse."

"Well, there you go" said Harry with a crooked smile "Hogsmeade?"

"No" said Daphne, but she had a half smile on her face.

-==0==-

"What's gotten into you?" asked Tracey as Daphne once again got into her ridiculously partisan Slytherin nightgown. Daphne had a slight smile on her face.

"Prefect Patrols with Potter. Not being betrothed to him is fantastic." said Daphne. "I just look at him and think… I don't have to."

"And that got your lip-gloss smeared?" asked Tracey.

"That as a thank-you for getting me off" said Daphne.

Tracey snorted "Bloody hell he moves fast" she said.

"Getting me out of the marriage contract" corrected Daphne quickly. "He had a very difficult time at his relations over summer. Then went to France to his Château and lived a debauched lifestyle.

"What? Does he even drink?" asked Tracey.

"He was hung-over on the train" said Daphne primly.

"Daphne, half of our year were hung-over on the train." said Tracey.

Lily Moon swaggered into the Dorm room and passed all the way through to the bathrooms, emerging with wet hair, and a slight smile. She started getting out her night things.

"Moon?" asked Tracey "You all right"

"Fabulous" said Lily, opening her beside cabinet's top drawer, taking out a picture, kissing it and putting it back.

"Who's the bloke?"

"Terry" said Lily. "He's clever, and kind and a great kisser."

"Didn't Potter get you to ask him out, so we could get a Ravenclaw to run the arithmancy for the Sirens last year?" asked Tracey.

"I'll have to remember to invite him and Daphne to our…" said Lily, and she stopped. "Sorry Daphne" she said "Not Daphne." Daphne glared at Lily. "I'd… invite you anyway, as a friend" said Lily.

Millicent came in with a heavy book-bag, dropped it with a thud and hurriedly got into her night-gown and collapsed on her bed, one hand reaching out of a night-mask, which she pulled on.

Daphne was reading for the inescapable transfiguration homework, when Pansy finally appeared in the dorm room, opening her trunk to get a bottle of green liquid, a nightgown and go to the bathroom.

"Pansy, that had better be medicine" said Daphne.

"Shut it Greengrass" shouted Pansy through the open door "It's dittany."

Daphne sat up and headed to the bathroom, where there was squawk of outrage from Pansy, and the door banged shut, to be opened fifteen minutes later by a night-gowned Pansy, holding her bottle of extract of dittany, and followed by a subdued looking Daphne with faint blush.

"Sorry Pans" said Daphne quietly but clearly, and Pasny nodded and went to bed.

Daphne sat on her bed and exhaled.

"What?" asked Tracey, sitting up on her bed, where she'd been reading a textbook.

"She was putting dittanny... places. Overdoing it." said Daphne. "Malfoy overuses that charm, I swear."

Tracey's mouth opened "Oh" she said, and lay back.

"Perks" said Pansy "It's twelve thirty. Turn the lights out."

Sally-Anne Perks carefully put a bookmark in her book, and waved her wand, muttering, and all the four-poster beds had their curtains closed, except her own, then she gave it a quick flick and the hanging glass light went out, leaving the dorm in darkness.

-==0==-

Hogsmeade weekend finally came and Harry glumly put on his black woollen coat, green woolly hat and stood in the common room waiting for Ron, who'd been fussing around in the bathroom.

Eventually Ron came down in a corduroy jacket and seeing Harry looked away, and walked over "Harry" he said quietly "I um... I'm going to Hogsmeade with Lavender. You'll be all right. I'm sure Hermione's dying to drag you to Scrivenshafts, and make you do some prefecting.

"Sure Ron" said Harry quietly, and he stood around, finally meeting Hermione, who was looking red-faced, and wearing her usual woollen coat and bobble hat.

"Morning" said Harry.

"Harry." said Hermione "I got a late letter. An invitation to Hogsmeade." she said.

"What?" asked Harry.

"A… date?" asked Hermione "With Justin Finch-Fletchly."

Harry shrugged, ending up hunched over "Don't mind me, I'll just go on my own."

"Harry?" asked Hermione in a wobbly tone "Should I go with Justin?"

"How would I know" said Harry "I've spent years towing someone around that didn't want to be with me." With that, Harry strode off, out the portrait hole, and down the stairs away from Gryffindor tower.

-==0==-

Harry got into a carriage and was startled when a blonde got in, but relaxed when he saw it was the odd Ravenclaw, Luna Lovegood.

"Hello Harry Potter" she said "You look like you have a bad case of Wrackspurts." she said ,and dug into her handbag, taking out some weirdly coloured glasses, with huge rims that she put in, and nodded "As I suspected. You have a bad infestation of Wrackspurts" she said, and put her glasses away.

"What does a wrackspurt do?" asked Harry.

"They crawl into your ears and make your brain all muzzy" said Luna calmly "The only cure is positive thinking. They can't stand the taste and fly off."

Harry sighed "I'll need more than that I think" he said.

"It's a shame you and Daphne Greengrass aren't together any more. You always seemed very happy when you were kissing her" said Luna.

Harry tried to explain, and Luna nodded along.

"And besides, I had to kiss her" said Harry, finally "It's not what she wanted."

"Well of course not. It's not like the only way you can kiss a girl is to be betrothed to her in a cursed marriage contract. Everyone else does just fine without them" Luna observed. "Though I suppose it's like getting given a friend."

"Greengrass is not my friend." said Harry glumy.

"But didn't you kiss her and tell her jokes and spend time with her?" asked Luna.

"Yes, but that was the curse. She didn't want to." said Harry.

"Oh I'm sorry Harry" said Luna "Maybe Justin from Hufflepuff, or Colin Creevy then. They seem like they might be… like you."

"What?" asked Harry.

"Well… it's rumoured they … like boys. Like you do" said Luna cheerfully.

Harry opened his mouth, and paused, trying to think of away to explain that actually not only did he like girls, he got hard being in the same room as Daphne Greengrass, and stopped before he spoke. There were, Harry thought some things you didn't say to other girls.

"I um, fancied Daphne Greengrass" said Harry, feeling that was sufficiently g-rated. "I like girls."

"Well, you're not my type" said Luna calmly "You're just not interested enough in rare magical creatures, even if you have a nice bum."

Harry didn't speak for the rest of the trip to Hogsmeade.

-==0==-

Harry stood on the second quidditch pitch in a warm black woollen coat, a green woolly hat on his head, and a green scarf. He waited, looking out at the Saturday morning. A good flying day, not too cold and wet yet.

Eventually, a large group of Slytherin girls in green quidditch uniforms arrived.

Daphne hadn't put her armour on "Daphne do up your armour" said Harry patiently.

"It won't fit" she said, and Tracey giggled.

"Are you a witch or what" asked Harry "Take it off and transfigure it bigger."

"You're as bad as bloody McGonagall" said Daphne angrily, but took off her chest-plate and with a lot of lip-biting transfigured it bigger. A little wonky, but bigger.

-==0==-

Pansy and Lily rounded on Daphne Greengrass in Dorms "He's actually depressed to not be with you any more." said Pansy "And he hardly looks at you, or anything."

"She's broken his spirit" said Lily

"I have not!" said Daphne "He asked me to Hogsmeade on Tuesday last week."

"Are you going?" asked Tracey.

"No, of course not" said Daphne.

"Why not?" asked Tracey.

"I just got out of having to marry him, I'm not going to Hogsmeade with him" said Daphne firmly.

"And that he got you out of the contract, he doesn't even get a trip to Hogsmeade for that?" asked Lily.

"I have given him a thank-you kiss" said Daphne "And Potter agreed it was thank-you kiss."

"She's spoilt" observed Lily

"I am not spoilt!" protested Daphne Greengrass "I had to work all summer for Father. Since I'm not heiress Black any more, he decided I should help with renovations at home. I was working all day, all week."

"Was she really" asked Pansy to Tracey.

"I dunno, I was in France with my boyfriend, the international quidditch player." said Tracey smugly.

-==0==-

Harry moped to Hogsmeade again, and was headed for the Hogs Head, when a carriage opened and Tony Goldstein hopped out, and turned around "You coming?" he asked.

"If someone would help me out" said Daphne Greengrasses voice sharply.

Tony held out his hand and Daphne descended from the carriage… looking to Harry's expert opinion, like she'd fixed her hair up a bit and put on lip gloss. The strawberry lip gloss. The delicious strawberry lip gloss. A pain started in Harry's chest, like he'd accidentally swallowed a dragons egg and it was hatching. The monster in his chest clawed and Harry's hands formed fists. Tony was holding the hand of Daphne, who if he hadn't got cast out and dis-adopted, he'd be marrying a few more months. Kissing her lips, fighting skirmishes with her tongue, smelling her hair, feeling her warm body.

Harry closed his eyes, exhaled, turned around and headed to the Hogs Head.

The bar-room smelt of stale beer, vomit, and goats.

The grey-haired old barkeeper looked at Harry as he sat at the bar. "Firewhiskey." said Harry, and got his money-bag out, and counted out five galleons. "And keep it coming."

A hour later, a drunken Harry Potter was tearfully regaling Abe the barman with the story of his love-life.

"So she sed… she didn't wanna be in the engagement, and I begged Sirius, and the lawyers came up with a thing, but… I had to be disinherited and cast out, so I sort of lost my parent, and had to go live with my relatives who hate me." Harry babbled.

Abe nodded. "Cursed marriage contract. I can see most people who aren't insane wouldn't want that."

"So I got her out, and then she said, thank you, and gave me a kiss like I wasn't her boyfriend or nothing" said Harry groggily. "Now she won't do anything with me except prefect patrols."

At this, Harry collapsed head first into a heap on the bar and sobbed.

Abe took the bottle back, put a cork in it, and said "Well, Harry Potter, you've had enough. When you can stagger back to the carriages, I'd appreciate you not puking in my bar."

-==0==-

"How was the date?" asked Tracey.

"Awful. He didn't' help me out of the carriage without being asked, smelt like teenage-boy spray, told stupid jokes, badly, tried to hold my hand all the time."

"Ah. So not well then" said Tracey.

"And doesn't have a château, doesn't speak French, and his mother expects him to marry some Jewish girl" said Daphne. "And he admitted he can't cook over lunch. And made me pay for my own drinks and lunch."

"So not second date material?" asked Tracey, taking slow deep breaths.

"And his goodbye kiss was utter rubbish. Harry could do better in seconds." said Daphne.

"Daphne, you basically dated Potter for three nearly years. Of course, he knows how to kiss you." said Tracey.

"And… you're not arguing that I should just go out with Potter?" asked Daphne, head tilted, eyes narrowed.

"No" said Tracey "You and he have too much bad history, besides, you complain for days every time anyone mentions it."

Daphne sighed and opened her trunk, rummaged around, finally finding a dented silk-covered cardboard box, which she opened "Oh Maeve's menopause!" exclaimed Daphne "I'm down to my last praline", and she took the chocolate out of the box and nibbled it looking despondent.

"Surely you got some Honeydukes today?" asked Tracey.

"Honeydukes compared to DeThierry's is like eating greasy cardboard" said Daphne, and she sighed.

"Well" said Tracey, in a helpful tone "You could owl order some for yourself. Extend taking care of yourself to chocolates as well."

"They're eighty galleons a box" said Daphne "I'd have blown my allowance by Yule, and have no money for presents." Daphne sniffed.

"She really is totally, utterly spoiled." said Lily thoughtfully "Potter has actually ruined her for all other men – "

"He has not!" exploded Daphne "He has given me a few good massages, but that's all. He never touched me like that."

Lily's eyebrows threatened to disappear into her fringe. She gaped at Tracey who nodded and said "full body with oil", at which Lily and Sally-Anne blushed, and shivered.

"Daphne, Dear?" asked Pansy "Could you… lower your standards a tiny wee bit, take a Ravenclaw, not Goldstein, maybe … what ones are there left?"

"But I want a tall, dark a handsome man" said Daphne. "The one thing I ever got to work in bloody divination. Tall, dark, handsome man."

"Corners the only tall and dark one, and he's got a nasty case of the Weasleys" said Tracey sarcastically.

"Puffs?" asked Sally-Anne "Tony Goldstein's the only single Claw, so you have to look at puffs."

"Smith's ghastly" said Daphne quickly "I've disliked him since I could walk."

"Everyone has disliked Smith since forever, Daphne dahrling" said Pansy.

"Finch-Fletchly's got money, but muggleborn" said Sally-Anne.

"And a ginger" said Daphne "Ew."

"Ernie Macmillan" said Lily "Is all that's left."

"A blond" said Daphne dismissively.

"Macmillans age well" observed Pansy. "Potter's ex-adoptive great-grandmother Melania aged very gracefully. I've seen her portrait at sixty. Draco's mother brought it with her, beloved grandmama and all that."

"He's a pompous arse, almost as bad as Smith" said Daphne.

As we've observed, Potter's the best single male in our year" said Lily. "I've got Terry."

"I am not going back to Potter. Period." said Daphne.

Sally-Anne dived back into her book.

-==0==-

Harry Potter waited for his prefect patrol to begin outside the staff-room door. He quickly cupped his hands and checked his breath. Not smelling. He dried his hands on his handkerchief and looked left and right down the hallway.

Eventually Daphne Greengrass appeared from the landing at the end of the hall and walked over.

"Potter" she said.

"Um... Greengrass, would you go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?" Harry asked, taking a purple silk box out of his robe pocket "For you?" he offered up the chocolate box.

"DeThierry's. You're bribing me with DeThierry's for a Hogsmeade Date?" asked Daphne incredulously.

"Um… yes" said Harry, nodding quickly, and smiling faintly.

"Not if you were the last wizard alive." said Daphne resolutely. Harry's smile faded like morning mist on the black lake.

"Well you can keep them anyway" said Harry waving the chocolates.

Daphne snatched the box, pocketed it and drew herself up "Time to patrol, Potter" she said.

Harry collapsed onto his bed hours later.

"Did it work?" asked Ron.

"No" said Harry in a monotone. "It didn't."

Harry went to his next prefect patrol determined not to stare.

"Potter" said Daphne Greengrass neutrally. She'd arrived on time.

"Greengrass" responded Harry, and started walking on the patrol.

It was a very quiet hour and half till curfew.

Harry went to the library next free period, sat at a table Hermione was using three quarters of, and took out his charms notes, and made off into the library to find the appropriate references.

"Are you alright Harry?" asked Hermione some time later.

"I'm fine Hermione" said Harry.

The term passed, the library grew more crowded with seventh years, making notes from textbooks.

Harry fell into a routine, every other night going to a disused classroom to practice charms, or transfiguration.

NEWT's loomed. Hermione had given Harry the fourth revision of his colour-coded study and revision timetable.

Harry's mood grew darker, and he started to snap at people.

"Harry, are you all right?" asked Hermione, one evening.

"It's just… NEWTs" said Harry.

-==0==-

Harry conjured up a brazier and fed his NEWTs notes into it, and stood, enjoying the flames as they burnt.

"Harry" said Hermione , having arrive unnoticed "Was that really a good idea?"

"There's a library in the chateau." said Harry, gazing into the flames "NEWTs is over" he said.

"But now it's over… you've got your whole life ahead of you. What about your ambitions?" asked Hermione.

"Can't be an Auror, potions grades aren't going to be good enough." admitted Harry "And Sirius left me all the work… till… till… " Harry stopped.

"Till you got yourself cast out to please Daphne" said Hermione softly.

"Bit pointless" said Harry bitterly, his eyes glinting with moisture "She won't date me."

"Harry" said Hermione gently "For years… you were the face of the contract to her. It's a bit much to hope she'd turn around in three months and want to date you."

"Stupid freak" muttered Harry.

"Harry… are you still…. Interested in her?" asked Hermione.

Harry stared into the flames. "Course" he said.

Harry lay on his chaise lounge in his chateaus' salon. He idly considered drinking more. He'd drunk a lot already today. And the day before… and well this month.

The fireplace flared green and a blonde witch stepped out . Harry's heart tried to leap out of his throat. She'd come. She'd come and she would… He blinked. The witch was younger, thinner and… had a faint silvery sheen to her hair.

"Harreee" said… a surprisingly adult looking Gabrielle Delacour. "Are you busy?" she asked.

Harry tugged his dressing gown sort-of straight "I'm a gentlemen of leisure" said Harry "What are you doing visiting?"

"Well, Fleur was floo-calling maman, and I heard you were living in fronce, so I thought I might drop by and surprise you" said Gabrielle, smiling, then losing her smile as Harry lay unresponsive on the chaise.

"Are you not please to see me?" she asked.

"Uh … sure" said Harry "You look well."

Gabrielle batted her eyelashes. Harry blinked "You all right ?" asked Harry "Not having hayfever or something?"

"Eeets.. just… zis must seem a bit silly to you" said Gabrielle, blushing "But ever since you saved my life at the lake… I have hoped… that Harry Potter would notice little old me?"

"I can tell you're here" admitted Harry "I'm not that drunk yet. I think" he added.

"Cherchez lefemme" said Gabrielle "You aren't… at all attracted to me?"

"You're a very pretty girl" said Harry "It's just… I was engaged for a long time to this other witch and um…"

"We get ze Prophet over here too" said Gabrielle. "Zis Daphne Greengras must be very foolish."

"She's quite clever actually" interrupted Harry.

"Zut alors" said Gabrielle "You love her, but she does not love you back. How romantic!"

Harry opened his mouth to counter that statement, but hadn't the energy.

"Ze only way you could possibly resist moi" said Gabrielle confidently "Is if you were deeply in love with someone else."

Harry shook his head "I've never really found Fleur that alluring, or you, sorry Gabrielle"

"So it's true you loved her … before the contract." gasped Gabrielle.

"Er, no?" replied Harry.

Gabrielle Delacour blinked. "Harry?" she asked "I don't fill you with desire, love?"

"I'm really just waiting to die now" admitted Harry.

Gabrielle left.

Harry sighed and lay back.

-==0==-

An owl dropped off a letter to Harry a few days later.

It was an invitation to Neville's wedding. He was going to marry Hannah Abbott.

Harry replied immediately, then wrote a letter to Aunt Andromeda, asking if he could stay for a few days around Neville's wedding.

Aunt Andromeda replied a day later, indicating that Harry was welcome any time, but that he should enquire to Neville, who might, perhaps want Harry to be part of his wedding party.

Harry flooed to a special office in Brest, where there was a floo on the British network for floo-calls only.

Neville peered at Harry through the flames "Harry?" he asked.

"Uh, Hi Neville" said Harry "I'm quite prepared to come to your wedding, but um… my aunt Andromeda suggest I ask if you wanted me for the wedding party? I can stay at the Tonks's and be in Britain to help… or anything like that." he trailed off.

Neville nodded slowly "mmm" he said "Could you?" he asked, "It's just there's a lot to sort out, and um, I need some grooms-men and that sort of thing, if you're not busy."

"Neville" said Harry "I don't really do anything. To be honest, just getting out of the house would be a good thing."

Neville nodded "Um… well, can you come soon then, I need help with planning."

Harry wondered if Neville knew how badly Harry's plans normally went, discarded the thought, and nodded enthusiastically "I'll come back to Britain today, and catch up?"

"Come for dinner" said Neville quickly "It'll distract gran."

-==0==-

Aunt Andromeda looked at Harry with a slow and deliberate eye. "Haven't been jogging swimming and eating salad?" she asked.

Harry mutely shook his head.

"You can put your things in the attic room" said Aunt Andromeda "It's space expanded. Ted thought of doing it after… your troubles. Sirius would love to have you, but… still can't."

Harry nodded "We can't always have things the way we want them" he observed.

-==0==-

Harry hadn't expected to be made part of the wedding party, and Neville didn't let him down. He was, however invited to the bucks night. After promising Neville's elderly, controlling grandmother that Neville would not be tied up, or left unable to get to the service. Which, wisely was in two days, not the next day. Ron, Seamus and Dean were invited, as were Ernie and Justin from Hufflepuff.

After a few drinks at the Three Broomsticks, Seamus suggested they go to a muggle club.

"Ahnd watch the dahncers" he said in an Irish brogue.

Dean had a vague idea where a night-club might be, and they apparated cheerfully over to the general location, exited the alley and walked along some industrial-looking streets , with clumps of people in going-out clothes walking from club to club, or taking minicab's home.

"The Crimson Rose" looked, according to Dean like a club.

Harry had to fumble to hand over a tenner for the 'cover charge' before the big man in the suit would let them in. Once the inner door opened, booming bass music rolled out, and they entered a dark, but also vividly lit room. Harry's eyes adapted as they walked about looking for somewhere to sit.

Then he looked over at the stage, where… a girl was dancing. If taking her clothes off in time to the music was dancing.

Harry yelled in Dean's ear "This is a strip club?" he asked.

"It's a club isn't it?" yelled Dean in reply.

They sat down at a table and stared at a young woman stripping. It was… disturbing.

Harry remembered several quite pricey drinks, watching many dancers, and leaving the club.

"We should go somewhere more dignified" said Justin.

Somewhere more dignified was a club without booming music, with an elaborate interior and Justin waved a bank card at the concierge, a pretty woman.

For some reason, a lot of pretty women came out and lounged around. Justin smiled and nodded.

"What's going on?" asked Harry.

"It's a club" said Justin "Don't worry I've shouted everyone some entertainment. Neville will be staying here and chatting."

With that Justin stood up.

"Justin, are you seeing Hermione?" asked Harry.

Justin turned "That was two disastrous dates at school Harry. No."

With that, Justin crooked a finger at a pretty brown haired woman in a party dress who stood and sinuously walked off, taking Justin's hand and leading him upstairs.

"Harry" said Ron drunkenly "I think this is a bordello"

The concierge smiled politely.

Ron stood up, took a deep breath and walked over to the … most Hermione looking woman there.

"Excuse me" said Ron "I don't know how this works."

The woman stood up "Oh, I think you'll find my tutorial broadening." she said, and walked off. Ron stood, staring.

"Come on red" said the woman "Follow me."

Ron left following… a trained professional.

A couple of the women came over and sat next to Neville "You're the groom, right?" they asked.

Neville nodded nervously.

"Well, your friend paid for time, but you probably want to be good, right?" one woman asked Neville.

"Yes" said Neville "My fiancée would … take steps. And I love her."

"Well" said one of the brunettes "As we're getting paid anyway, fancy playing some cards?"

"Cards?" asked Neville nervously.

"We'll play cards here" one said, indicating a table.

Neville got up and the two women sat with Neville, and Seamus sat with them "Me mam would be a bit down me frequenting this establishment" said Seamus.

Dean stood up and left with a red-head. Harry mentally cursed Dean.

"Hey, green-eyes" asked the last woman, with blonde hair. "Are you a very nice boy, or a naughty one?"

Seamus turned his head and answered "He was engaged to this pretty girl for ages. But it was an arranged marriage, loike, and she didn't want to, so Harry got himself disowned, so she could be free. He's probably been moping ever since, right Harry?"

Harry looked over at Seamus, wishing he'd catch fire, statute of Secrecy be damned.

"Well, I think" said the blonde "He needs a bit of therapy. I'm an occupational therapist."

Harry frowned "A therapist?"

"You'll feel better afterwards" she said, waggling her eyebrows.

Harry was determined that he'd go with her, sit in the bed and just… explain. Not that he was just moping.

The blonde shut the door. "So, Harry? Is it? I'm Gina."

"Yeah" said Harry, looking around the room. Bed, side-door, sideboard, glass bowl of packets, plush rug on the floor. A pretty sideboard and the bedside cabinets looked okay, for modern stuff.

"Nasty scar. People give you much trouble about it?" asked Gina.

"Most people I know, know how I got it." said Harry "An injury from when my parents were murdered by a psycho. He … he tried to kill me to, but failed… He died eventually."

"Your parents were murdered?" asked the blonde, looking aghast.

"When I was one and a half, so I don't remember them" said Harry "And I was, as Seamus said, engaged for years, but… it wasn't our choice, so I got myself disowned, so Daphne would be free."

"And then ..." asked Gina.

"Nothing. Lots of nothing" said Harry.

"Well, Gina knows a thing or two." said Gina "You probably need a good shag. I happen to be a trained professional."

Harry sighed.

"Oh god, you're a virgin, aren't you?" asked Gina.

Harry nodded.

"Well, rest assured, I know enough for both of us." said Gina, reaching behind her head and undoing the top of her dress, and unzipping it. She let it slide to the floor, revealing a good-looking body in black lingerie "And if you'd like I can help you with that pesky virginity?" she said.

Harry gazed at her breasts. Quite nice breasts.

"Well, give the customer what they want" said Gina, and she undid her bra, letting her breasts free. She had dark nipples. Harry blinked. "Gosh" he said.

"Well, your pants must be pretty uncomfortable now" said Gina, eyeing Harry's trousers.

Harry, in quite significant trouser-related discomfort, undid his shoes.

"You don't seem very enthusiastic?" asked Gina, thumbing her own nipples. Harry took of his shoes and socks, and put his coat to one side, and dropped his trousers.

"Those boxers are pretty full" said Gina. "You should let that breathe."

Harry spied the side-door.

"If that an en-suite?" Harry asked "It's just… I'm a bit messed up."

"Good Manners, Harry. Feel free. Please wash beforehand" said Gina "Want me to get into bed?"

"Erm" said Harry, eyeing her stocking-ed legs and black knickers.

"Ohhhh" said Gina "I'll just stand around for you then?" she asked with a slow wink.

Harry dashed to the en-suite, stripped off his boxers, and drew his wand out of his sleeve. He cast a contraception charm, then cleaned up in the sink, then, feeling overexcited already, cast the longevity charm on his manhood.

He carried his boxers and shirt, concealing his wand, into the room. Gina stood up from the bed she'd sat on the end of.

"Well that looks quite healthy" she said "But company policy is that we use condoms. It's a safety measure." Harry looked at the woman "Um… If you'd take your knickers off?"

"You seemed like such a quiet boy" said Gina with smile, picking a condom up from the glass bowl "We'll just get this covered up first" she said. And with that, Gina opened the packet and unrolled a condom onto Harry's willy. Which twitched, and oozed.

Gina slid her knickers down with a flick of both hands.

"And now, how would you like me?" she asked.

"Snog first, then um… " said Harry, eyeing the side-table.

"Oh, over the side table?" asked Gina "It really is the quiet ones."

Harry held Gina close, and put one arm around her waist, and the other on her nape.

She laced her hands around his neck, her breasts rubbing against his chest.

Harry kissed her tentatively. She tasted of… cigarettes and curry.

Harry lifted a hand into her hair, which was... fairly soft, and snogged harder.

Gina allowed Harry's tongue ,and then Harry unconsciously fell into the rhythm of snogging.

A minute or two later Gina's hair was messed up and Harry was breathing harder.

"Well you're a good snogger" said Gina "But really… is that all you're here for?"

Harry backed Gina over to the sideboard, and Gina sat on the edge, and spread her knees "Come on in. I'm ready" she said. She had a little black triangle of hair and her bits looked a bit different from Daphne's, but there was clearly a vagina in there somewhere.

Harry stepped forward slowly and Gina's hand guided Harry's willy… and it felt warm and tight and slippery and Harry kept pushing forward.

"Congratulations" said Gina "Officially not a virgin. We do certificates, but they're sort of a joke."

Harry snorted, and thrust in and out.

"That's the general idea" said Gina "Cheer up… now, there's a ..."

Harry laid his hand on her thigh and his thumb slipped along her slit… stopping on a button.

"Oh… not such a good boy then" said Gina, with a slight smile "gently does it."

Harry rubbed while he slowly pumped in and out. Gina's calves wrapped around his back.

"Now that's not a very virgin-ey tempo, Harry" said Gina. "But, it is a good tempo. Your partner will, unless she's an idiot tell you faster or slower. Don't speed up unnecessarily. That's actually quite annoying, and faster and harder is for cocks, not pussies… unless it isn't."

"What's your preference?" asked Harry. Gina chuckled "You're not going to melt my mercenary heart with your wiry body, green eyes and… you'll probably cum soon. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Harry pumped back and forth for a while. Gina started to wiggle, and twitch as he stroked her clit.

"For a virgin" she said, eyes shining "You're quite tenacious."

"I can keep this up for a while" said Harry.

"Viagra?" asked Gina.

"What's that?" asked Harry.

"You're not actually a virgin" said Gina.

"Lots of wanking, trying to last longer" said Harry, a bit out of breath.

Gina smiled and shook her head "Oh… I think Gina's going to – "

Something happened and Gina's pussy clamped on Harry's cock.

"Demonstrate professional muscle control" said Gina "Getting you off?"

Harry took a deep breath and his other hand slipped up from Gina's hip to her right nipple, and he rubbed it with his thumb.

"Well" said Gina "This is always lady's choice. Some like it hard, some soft, you have to ask."

"And Gina likes it?" asked Harry.

"Firm, and often" said Gina, and Harry gently rubbed and held her nipple, rubbed her clit and humped in and out of her.

"Not bad" said Gina "But don't ruin your fun trying to get me off. I'm getting paid to be here."

Harry stopped "You know" said Harry "This would be easier if you were bent over the sideboard"

"I can just kneel on the bed. Doggy style. Many women like it" said Gina.

"In a bit" said Harry, stepping back and popping out, with a slick condom. "Bend over."

"I don't do anal" said Gina, turning around "It's not as popular as porn makes out."

Harry just had to grab her glutes, and massage them.

"Are you a masseuse?" asked Gina.

"My ex made me massage her after sports" said Harry "Which was torture."

"Well" said Gina bending onto the sideboard and waggling her bum "This is just sex."

Harry slipped in with a slight touch from Gina and the angle was quite different. Harry slid all the way in then out.

Ten minutes later, Harry was really enjoying this.

"Harry" said Gina, sounding a bit annoyed "Either cum or switch to Doggy style in the bed."

Harry glanced over and his shirt and wand were near the bed.

"Bed" said Harry, and drew back.

Gina stood up and turned, "That" said Gina "was a lot of fucking for a virgin."

But she slipped out of her shoes and crawled on to the bed, presenting her womanhood, and leaning down on the bed, head to one side "Come on" said Gina.

Harry managed to get his wand in hand, still covered in his shirt and cancelled the charm before crawling on the bed, and kneeling behind Gina and slipping in, feeling quite capable of that.

Gina inhaled "This" she said "Is a good angle for many women"

Harry mentally agreed. His willy was sending increasingly urgent messages to Harry's brain.

He started bumping his hips against Gina's bum, and she seemed to breathe in time with it.

"Come on, speed up" said Gina, and Harry was only too happy to.

What seemed like moments later, Gina must have done another muscle control thing and it was too much for Harry, who came, slamming into Gina's hips.

"Well, you've got stamina" said Gina.

"I used to be miles fitter" admitted Harry "Been sitting around drinking and moping really."

"Well that was… very good for a beginner" said Gina. "Frankly with your control, if you just ask, you could be quite good quite quickly.

"Well" said Harry "I could go another in a bit?"

"You're paid for four hours. Plenty of time" said Gina, who rolled over "There's two things. You need to dispose of the condom in our yellow bin, and clean and dry before you put another condom on."

Harry went to the en-suite and there in the corner was a yellow bin labelled "Biological wastes"

Harry put the full condom in there, and washed his hands, then his willy.

Gina had got up and was touching up her makeup when he returned.

"Well once you're hard, another condom" said Gina. "You're young so not long. Blowjobs help but as a professional, you won't need one."

"What if I want one?" asked Harry.

"Flavoured condoms" said Gina.

Harry dug into the bowl. A black one drew his attention.

"Oh the sambuca ones are quite good" said Gina "If you really want one?"

Harry rolled the condom on inexpertly, but it was enough.

"Lie on the bed Harry" said Gina.

Harry decided moments later that blowjobs were neat. And Harry's willy decided they were really neat, and hardened right up.

"How did you want me?" asked Gina, mouth inches from his willy.

"Um…" said Harry.

"Oh I'll go clean my mouth out" said Gina automatically "some guys are like that."

She left the room and Harry jackknifed and cast the charm on his willy, keeping his shirt and wand nearby.

Gina audibly spat mouthwash, and came back in, and eyed Harry lying on his back.

"Well, girl on top it will be" said Gina, and she crawled over the mattress, and lowered herself onto Harry's lap, with a lot of wriggling. She ended up sitting on his willy, and leaning over Harry. He reached up and grabbed two nipples.

Gina leaned on his hands "Can you hold me comfortably?" she asked, lifting up and leaning.

"No problem" admitted Harry.

The sensation was different and Gina did all the work. But in a good way.

She started clenching her vagina and pulling up. "Come Harry" she said firmly.

Harry reached over with one hand, touched his wand and silently cast the release spell… and came seconds later.

Gin nodded, looking a bit flushed "Hard work but worth it eh?" she asked.

Harry felt … like he'd had sex. Not with Daphne… but… he'd had sex. And it had been pretty good.

"Was that any good?" asked Harry.

"Well, if you did that on a date, you'd probably be asked back" said Gina "But eating pussy and licking clit is generally where women come hard."

"Any chance of a quick tutorial?" asked Harry. "Seems important"

Gina got off and rolled onto her back, spreading her legs "Come over and I'll show you" she said.

Harry got an eyeful. Gina explained.

"Can I try?" asked Harry.

"You could" said Gina "But don't expect miracles."

Harry was disappointed with what happened next.

"This works better when the girl's really into you" explained Gina. "A disadvantage of professionals. I could act excited, but you're in this for the education."

"I'm certainly more educated" said Harry.

"Well, educated Harry, go have a shower" said Gina.

"Don't you need one too?" asked Harry.

"I'll use the staff showers. Fresh towels every time and antibacterial soap" said Gina.

Harry went and had a shower, and dried off and got dressed.

Gina had put her underwear back on, but not the dress, instead putting on a thin dressing gown.

"This way the dress last longer between washes" she explained.

Harry picked up his clothes and dressed in the en-suite

"Shy boy" said Gina, with a chuckle "You are well on the way to being trouble in bed, and still so shy."

Harry put his wand back into his coat and cursed his urge to show off.

He came out, dressed and clean.

Gina took a sign off the doorknob and put it on the front of the door. "Tells the cleaners" she explained. "They'll clean before the next customer"

Harry went downstairs, and sat down by Neville who was playing cards.

"Harry" said Seamus "You beast." Harry rolled his eyes, then realised the women with Neville were nearly naked.

"Neville?" asked Harry.

"Strip poker" said Neville "And they're really bad at poker."

One of the women winked at Harry.

Dean was sitting with the redhead on his lap, and Justin and Ernie looked… shagged.

Ron had a confused look on his face. Harry sympathised.

"Now we're all back" said Neville quietly "We can move on to a pub we all know for a few quiet drinks."

"Where are we going?" asked Ron.

"The Hogs Head" said Neville.

Hours later Harry tiptoed up the steps to the attic bedroom and sat down. A vial of potion sat on the bedside table.

'Hangover potion. Love Tonks' was a little label it sat on. Harry downed it and lay down.

He dreamed of shagging Gina, and woke up slightly disappointed.

He ate some of the cooked breakfast, and Aunt Andromeda looked at him with concern.

"Harry, did you and your friends have fun last night?" she asked.
"More than I thought we were going to" admitted Harry.

Neville's wedding took place at his house. It did have a big ballroom that didn't look like a conservatory.

The service was short, Neville and Hannah held hands, the wispy haired wizard wrapped a purple ribbon around their hands and said a spell, and the ribbon sort of vanished.

Applause.

The wedding reception was half in the ballroom and half in the adjoining dining hall. It was huge, and lots of people were there.

Harry sighted Ginny, Hermione and many Hufflepuffs.

He slowly worked his way around people, feeling buoyed up by the mood of the room.

Till finally, he encountered a blonde with blue eyes, in a dressy robe.

"Harry" said Daphne Greengrass.

"Daphne" said Harry.

"I'm Neville's second cousin" she explained.

Harry nodded politely.

A few pleasantries later Daphne Greengrass exclaimed "You're actually capable of ignoring me" she said.

Harry paid her more attention "Um, yes?" he replied.

"For years, you couldn't take your eyes off me, and now… you're looking at what?"

"The drinks table" admitted Harry "And wondering who else to talk to."

"So… you got over me?" asked Daphne Greengrass.

"Um?" asked Harry, who hadn't noticed it "Um, I think so?"

"Well that's probably for the best" she said.

Harry nodded "We'd never have been happy" he said. "Cursed contracts and all that."

"Who is she?" asked Daphne Greengrass quietly.

"Um... nobody" said Harry "And that's a pretty personal question."

"If you hadn't been so noble we'd have been married for two years by now" said Daphne.

"Well I am, and we're not, and you can pursue happiness." said Harry.

"And the bit where I'm only safe because Sirius Black was engaged first?" asked Daphne sharply.

"But it worked, and nobody died" said Harry "Or went mad."

"You do know that your cousin told me the first order to give to Harry Black? Harry, don't ever order me to do anything I will resist." said Daphne "She's very good at defending against Dark arts. What are you doing these days?"

"Not much" Harry admitted "The château has lands, and farmers rent them from me, I get paid yearly."

"What are you really doing?" asked Daphne "Freelance curse-breaking, cat burgulary?"

"Um… to honest, drinking and moping" admitted Harry.

"Moping, but… you're over it" said Daphne Greengrass.

"That's a recent thing" admitted Harry. "I had Fleur Delacour's sister come by last week and try to ahem, ingratiate herself. I couldn't be bothered."

"Her sister?" asked Daphne Greengrass "She must be what, fifteen?"

"Maybe sixteen." said Harry "She left disappointed."

"The story of your love life" said Daphne tightly.

"I feel a little sorry for her, obsessed with someone who didn't fancy her for ages." said Harry.

Daphne Greengrass's face froze, save for a raised eyebrow "How very mature of you" she finally said.

Harry nodded politely to Daphne Greengrass and walked around her, utterly ignoring her, apart from an involuntarily sniff.

Daphne Greengrass rolled her eyes. Potter had been weirdly obsessed for ages and had finally got over her, then had the utter lack of self-awareness to realise he'd been as ridiculous at that little…. part-Veela French teen.

Harry Potter, passing the cluster of Hufflepuffs, finally made it to the drinks table and took a tall champagne-y looking glass.

Harry took a sip. It tasted like champagne. He took a few steps away from the table and surveyed the crowd of people. Hermione had just shaken her head at Justin Finch-Fletchly, who rolled his eyes and turned to talk to Ginny Weasley.

Harry was looking speculatively in Ginny's direction; she looked fairly pretty and the dress was fairly flattering.

"Potter" said an amused-sounding woman.

Harry looked around and there, out of his eye line was Susan Bones, coppery hair in a big pinned-up wave, bridesmaid's dress … sort of flattering.

"Susan" said Harry, turning and looking at Susan instead of Ginny. Susan was… looking quite well.

"What's Harry Potter, tri-wizard champion up to these days?" asked Susan.

"Um" said Harry "honestly, I've been moping around the château.

"As one does" said Susan, mouth twitching.

"It's taken a while to get over being betrothed to Miss Greengrass" said Harry politely.

"And you're cured of a taste for aristocratic blondes?" asked Susan suggestively.

"Well the last blonde wasn't aristocratic, and she was quite nice" said Harry blandly.

Susan's eyes went wide "Harry Potter. You devil you." she said.

"I can only claim that Justin is a bad influence." said Harry "He's a real… organiser for parties. One hell of a bucks night."

"And was Neville being bad?" asked Susan.

"Neville was laughably good." said Harry, with a smile "Clearly thinks the world of Hannah."

Susan's smile relaxed into a neutral expression "Potter, it is possible to have a healthy relationship with a witch without thinking the sun shines from her well-formed behind."

"What can I say" said Harry "I was young and… she does … did have a very nice arse."

"You didn't check her bum earlier?" asked Susan politely.

"Dress robes conceal too much" said Harry. "Now, a bikini… you could do a bikini justice Susan."

"I'm a respectable Auror, Mr Potter, I don't lounge around in bikinis" said Susan "Where did you ever see Daphne in a bikini?"

"Prefects bathroom, hot soaks and massages for training strains" said Harry.

"Did you do the whole girls team?" asked Susan jokingly, sipping champangne.

"Oh gracious no. One full body massage and I'm spent." said Harry. Susan spluttered.

"Daphne really made you massage her?" asked Susan "Isn't that a bit?"

"Incredibly" said Harry politely "Made me think I had a chance really."

"No sane witch wants to be stuck in a magically binding contract." said Susan.

"I wouldn't know" said Harry "Still, she didn't try to kill me." he said thoughtfully. "Though she would have had to get Sirius and I."

"And end up forced to marry Malfoy." said Susan.

"No, we had cast him out before anything else" explained Harry. "Or I'd have had to duck the Malfoy's trying to get the Black money."

"You're awfully blasé about that" said Susan, sipping some more.

"Compared to Voldemort, they're just… 'honestly I was imperioused all the entire war'" said Harry rolling his eyes.

"We'll get that bastard yet" said Susan quietly. "Shame you're not an Auror."

"Poor potions grades" said Harry.

"Snape was such an arse" said Susan. Harry mentally added... Professor Carrow too.

A drink later Harry asked "What are you doing after the party?"

"I'm going home to The Ossary, and going to bed. Alone, Harry-devil-Potter." said Susan, with a smile.

Harry smiled "Who me?" he asked.

"Having Harry Potter not obsessed with Daphne Greengrass is disturbing, and hitting on one, is like… a bad Care of magical creatures' lesson. The Green-eyed seeker, a dangerous beast." said Susan.

"I'm staying with my Aunt Andromeda Tonks." said Harry "I'll have to catch up with my old mates."

"Hermione's very persistent" said Susan politely.

Harry nodded politely and moved on to see Hermione.

Hermione smiled at Harry and then suddenly asked "Harry, are you all right?"

"Much better" admitted Harry.

"What are you doing?" asked Hermione.

"Can I not say" admitted Harry "I've snapped out of my funk. I'm going to do something. I'm not sure what."