A story in three parts
Part I: After an attempt to take her own life, Sakura is brought to Briar Hill, a world-renowned mental rehabilitation center. As a requirement for her stay, it is mandatory that she meet with a resident psychiatrist. Young and impressionable, Sakura finds herself quite taken by Dr. Hatake. Invested in his fresh take on therapy, Sakura finds herself traversing the vast realm of hypnosis.
Part II: A direct continuation of Part I. Set roughly a year and a half after the events of Part I.
Part III: A direct continuation of Part II. Set roughly five years after the events of Part II.
Chapter 1: Welcome to Briar Hill
Dying in peace would have been optimal.
Instead, she was met with chaos and mayhem. Shouting. Screaming. General panic. She watched it all happen out of focus. Various blurred figures moving against a white canvas. She was in a hospital, she surmised.
Belatedly, she noticed the burning sensation in her throat. The acrid smell of bile, too. The emptiness in her stomach since ejecting its contents. Her lungs screamed for air as a result of the sheer amount of strain put on her body.
When there was nothing left to do but dry heave, she relaxed back into the stiff uncomfortable mattress of the hospital bed. The chaos had stilled. All she was left with was the steady beep of the EKG machine, indicating that she was very much alive.
I'm alive. I'm alive for a reason. Maybe…
Still, it was all she desired when she looked back on it all. All she was left with was the hope that people would leave her be. And maybe, just maybe she would find peace in her loneliness.
A week passed and the hospital cleared her for discharge.
Except she wasn't going home, not this time. She couldn't be trusted by herself anymore. This had been her second suicide attempt and she needed to be watched. Monitored. Properly looked after and seen by a professional before she could eventhink about going back home. Her parents would not allow it, insisting someone get to the real issue.
Right.
Maybe if so much wasn't expected of her. Maybe if she weren't depicted as a prodigy or progeny. The perfect student. The perfect daughter.
She couldn't take it anymore. And they didn't even try to understand.
The hope she had anticipated feeling upon arrival to the gates of Briar Hill had all but evaporated. Instead, she felt a sense of foreboding. Sinisterness. She chalked it up as nerves for the time being.
As Sakura exited the sedan, she observed the dark gates. The ward was just that; dark. It looked as if it had been plucked out of some dark fantasy rather than the pamphlet she had been given at the hospital which boasted its rose gardens and welcoming interior.
Trying her best to remain positive she followed closely behind her parents and through the gates. It felt as if she were crossing a threshold. Checking off the first box that brought her that much closer to being healed. Except she didn't feel that at all. A wicked shiver ran down her spine as they made their way up the hill, the estate now coming into view.
It appeared much more like a Victorian estate than a rehabilitation center. There was plenty of acreage and she could see the rose gardens perched to the side. They were in fact beautiful and she could already envision herself immersed among the beautiful flowers along with a good book.
That's the spirit. she thought to herself as they ascended the stairs to the manor's large front door. As they stepped in, she found that the interior was…fine. It was old, but not necessarily in a bad way. Updates had obviously been made to make it more accommodating for patients and it somehow managed to possess the same sterile smell that any hospital had. Though they did seem to try and mask the fact that it was a hospital by advertising yoga and their newly added 'spa' and coffee shop.
Calling it a Wellbeing and Rehabilitation Center rather than a psychiatric ward was a nice touch.
Sakura was welcomed by a cheery looking woman at the front desk, her parents following closely behind her. The woman immediately grabbed her file and went through a monotonous list of what she could and could not do. She was not allowed a phone. Or laptop. Or music playing device. She assured that everything Sakura would need was available to her there and that outside interference could throw off any progress.
Sakura supposed she couldn't argue with that.
The intake woman explained that her parents could visit on the weekends, but weekdays were strictly blocked off for her healing regiment. She kept telling herself it was only temporary as the woman was reaching the end of her orientation and handed over her schedule for the next three months.
As she turned to her parents, she couldn't help but feel… numb. Even as they were balling their eyes out. There were no tears from her. She had dried her eyes out long ago and was left with blank stares and mostly empty promises of ensuring she'd get better as she patted their backs in reassurance.
She watched them go and still felt that same numb feeling watching them leave. Or maybe she felt relieved? The constricting feeling in her throat was gone as her gaze followed them out the large windowpane through the door. Regardless, she was going to be here away from them for a whole year.
Maybe they were her problem all along.
She was given a monitor. Ino Yama… something or other. Honestly, she only remembered people's first names. It's not like she ever kept friends long enough anyway.
But she was sweet. Bubbly. Lively. Everything someone would want in a monitor, she supposed. Her eyes were a bright and pale blue, unlike her washed out emerald depths that seemed to go on and on. Her blonde hair was shiny and healthy, pulled up into a high ponytail.
She looked to be a very put together young lady. Sakura found herself hoping to leave this place looking just as fresh and lively as her.
"So, you'll start your day like everyone else; with breakfast. Then we have you scheduled for group therapy. After that is an hour break where you can hang out by the rose garden if you prefer that. Or the coffee shop. The spa is actually really nice and relaxing. I've used it a few times myself."
Sakura nodded her head meekly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Thankfully, Ino seemed to sense her anxiousness after all of the information she had dumped on her. It was only her first day, but it was probably normal to feel slightly overwhelmed.
"Hey, why don't we go get some coffee? My treat."
Sakura felt a sudden weight lift off her shoulders as the mention of coffee, a ghost of a smile on her face. Coffee sounded amazing. If there was anything that actually got Sakura out of bed at any time of the day, it was coffee.
To her surprise, the coffee shop looked like a literal Starbucks. The decor was modern and a definite contrast to the ornate and dark interior of the manor. When they walked up to the counter Ino shot Sakura an expectant look.
"Uh…"
Sakura glanced at the menu, finding it hard to understand half of what was on it. "Um, I'll just get a small iced coffee. Cream, no sugar."
Ino nodded her head and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by someone who she seemed to notice come up behind Sakura. She scrunched her brow together as a small smile emerged on her face. The instant recognition told Sakura that she knew this person.
"I'll have the same. Put their drinks on my tab, Shikamaru."
A shiver ran down Sakura's spine as her mind was flooded with that deep, baritone voice. She honestly hadn't even heard or felt anyone walk up, and she was pretty good about having a good sense of her surroundings.
Sakura watched as Ino faced him completely, a delightful smile spreading across her face. "Dr. Hatake! Good morning!"
That same shiver was still there as Sakura turned, her emerald gaze meeting his… well his one black eye . The other was covered by what looked to be a custom made eye patch, a long scar emanating from his eyebrow down to his cheekbone. His skin was pale and hair stark white.
The man possessed a very welcoming presence. She supposed it was fitting for her to feel that way, since Ino had referred to him as 'Dr. Hatake'. His appearance came across as slightly contradictory though, in a slightly comical sense. He appeared disheveled, hair slightly unkempt but his outfit was very put together; sporting a pair of perfectly fitted grey chinos, a white button up shirt and navy blazer. He was undeniably handsome and she had a hard time believing he was an actual doctor, but the air around him was refreshing and welcoming.
Sakura heard Ino sifting through her folder and let out a contented hum. "Oh, how wonderful! Sakura, Dr. Hatake will be your psychiatrist for the duration of your stay here."
The man- Dr. Hatake, looked down at her with his good eye, shooting her a soft smile and extending his hand. She blushed, extending hers and shivering in delight as he grasped her hand in his. She let out a small and startled gasp as a small shock passed through their exchange and their eyes met for a second time. He shook her hand once and let go, maintaining his welcoming smile.
"Um, thank you for the coffee." she murmured meekly, pushing a stray hair behind her ear.
He smiled and politely pushed his way through the two, making his way over to the counter and throwing down some cash. "It's no problem. Consider it a welcome gift to Briar Hill."
She watched as Ino's smile grew, her eyes following him as he made his way to the other end of the counter. Sakura remained rooted to the spot, realizing that she had never really spoken to a man like him before.
Not that Sakura didn't have experience with the opposite sex. Men. Boys.
Oh, who was she kidding. Her experience was slim to none. She had never even kissed a boy let alone had a memorable conversation or experience with one. She supposed that had to do with her lack of confidence as well.
She supposed that would be one of the myriad of things he would work on with her.
The occasional glances her way were of no help either. It sparked an unfamiliar warmth in her belly, indicating to her that maybe she liked it.
Maybe a little too much.
When their coffees were finished being prepared he grabbed hers along with his, carrying it over to her with the same warm smile on his face. "I look forward to our first session, Miss. Haruno."
That familiar delightful shiver ran down her spine as he handed her the coffee, a ghost of a finger grazing hers as he pulled away. She stared blankly at the coffee in her hands as she listened to him say his goodbyes to everyone.
Ino squealed as she grabbed Sakura's arm. She immediately flinched, not liking to be touched and Ino reeled back, mumbling a quick apology but maintaining that same wide grin.
"That's so exciting that he's your psychiatrist! He's very distinguished. Maybe the most distinguished in the entire ward and he's normally very picky about his patients."
Sakura furrowed her brow, wondering why she was so special. She supposed she'd find out more at their appointment later. All patients were required to meet with an assigned therapist three days a week for an hour. It was non-negotiable.
The two left the coffee shop in pursuit of her room, the place she'd probably be spending the majority of her time. As Ino led Sakura up the large staircase, she couldn't help but notice the small details that reminded her that she was in fact in a hospital and not just some mansion.
Her room especially; when Ino had unlocked the door for them. No window. No mirror or tub in the bathroom. It was obvious at that moment.
Mirrors break. Water drowns.
The room itself was bland and bleak. A double bed was backed to the wall with a simple nightstand and lamp perched on top. There was nothing much to it after that.
With a weary sigh, she dropped her duffel bag to the ground with a loud thud. Her parents were going to send more of her belongings throughout the week, so what she had in her pack was just essentials for now.
"So, I'll be here every morning at nine. If you want to shower you'll have to use the communal ones. We don't provide individual baths in the bathrooms because… well."
Sakura nodded her head, feeling a nervous tension suddenly fill the small room. She shot Ino a reassuring smile. "I understand."
Ino let out a sigh of relief. "Well, I'll leave you to get settled for a little bit. Then we have your consultation with Dr. Hatake. Sound good?"
Sakura couldn't help but feel a slight nervousness bloom in her belly and radiate out towards her fingertips at the mention of his name. She had never been alone in a room with a man before and would be lying if she said she weren't sightly anxious.
But instead she found herself nodding to Ino, watching as she turned and left the room. The soft click of the door filled her ears as she turned and took in the bleak space. The sound of her shaky breath being the only thing she could now hear.
And for the first time since she was found on the floor of her room, she was finally alone.
Sakura's heart pounded as she settled into the firm but comfortable couch. Though she was anything but that. She was a tad self conscious of her nervous appearance as she kept crossing and uncrossing her legs.
Dr. Hatake sat across from her, watching her carefully as she continued to fidget. Her serious lack of confidence made her feel like he was judging her silently, but that wasn't what he was supposed to do. Was it?
She felt herself shoot up from her seat, noticing his eyes follow her through the top of his readers. The tap of his pen against his notepad followed to the beat of her heart, making her feel more anxious than she would like.
Needing her mind to wander elsewhere, she allowed herself to take in how spacious his office was. Certainly bigger than any therapist's office she had ever been in, the small amount of times she actually had. The decor was very minimalist, and she wasn't surprised in the slightest given his personal style.
When she had first entered the office not just a few moments ago he was sitting behind a desk made of a simple wood top and metal feet. There was a large leather sofa and a stand alone arm chair with a glass table in the middle. The walls were decorated with minimalist paintings and the paint was nice and light. It was certainly a refreshing change from the oppressive and dark feel of the mansion turned rehabilitation center.
She continued pacing about the room, a nervous habit of hers as she picked at her fingernails. Dr. Hatake remained seated, still watching her carefully though he had a warm smile on his face. She turned her attention to one monochrome and abstract painting she had passed, choosing to focus her attention on it.
"What do you see?"
Sakura quirked her brow and tilted her head at the painting. Feeling slightly bold, she turned to face him with a small smirk on her face. "This isn't your version of an inkblot test is it?"
The dark chuckle that escaped his mouth sent a shiver down her spine. "Humor me."
She chewed her lip as she studied the design. There wasn't much to it. A lot of vertical lines and solid colors. Reds and greys. She really couldn't see much of anything. "I was never much for interpreting abstract paintings."
She heard him lift himself the chair he had been sitting in and approach her slowly from behind. "No impressions at all?"
She shrugged her shoulders as she turned her attention to him, a contemplative look on his face as he held the tip of his glasses between his lips. "I don't use the Rorschach test, but there is truth behind people's perception of art uncovering unconscious desires."
Sakura scrunched her brow together as she turned back to the painting, tilting her head to examine it. "I guess I see… I don't know. It's a bit contradictory. There's such a strong and violent red up top, and a soft grey at the bottom. It's chaotic but calm. There's fury but peace. It's… ambiguous in a way."
Dr. Hatake nodded his head slowly. "Interesting," he murmured, walking back to the chair he had been sitting in previously.
A newfound sense of calm overtook her as she allowed herself another moment to study the painting. Maybe even appreciate it. When she turned to face him, he was staring at her with that same curious expression. Another shiver ran down her spine.
A soft smile emerged on his lips as he motioned for the couch in front of him. "Shall we begin?"
Chapter 2: A Series Of Firsts
"Shall we begin?"
Sakura gulped as she sat back down on the leather sofa, smoothing down her skirt and clasping her hands together in her lap. She pursed her lips and chose a small stain on the glass coffee table to stare at.
"So, Sakura," he began as he peeled off his readers and let them dangle from his hand off the side of the chair, "Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"
Sakura scrunched her brow together. "About myself?"
Dr. Hatake shot her a soft smile. "Sure."
"Um… well," she murmured, fidgeting and picking at her fingernails to avoid his gaze. It wasn't that she was afraid of him. That would be ridiculous. She had just never been in this situation before. The self conscious side of her desperately hoped that he wasn't judging her for being a typical hormonal and self destructive teenager. Because that wasn't who she was.
Tucking a stray hair behind her ear she took a breath. "Well, I turned eighteen in March. I graduated from a high school a few towns over and I'm studying for pre med."
"Pre med?" he asked, jotting down in his notebook, "And what made you choose medical school?"
Sakura shrugged. "I don't know if I chose it so much as my parents did for me."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoy it but," Sakura began, bringing her gaze up to his for the first time. He had a sympathetic and thoughtful look on his face that made her feel more at ease, "Um- but I just think their expectations for me go a bit overboard. They want me to go to the best school when I'm fine with just going somewhere in-state."
Dr. Hatake nodded his head once more, that same smile on his face. "Well, that's certainly a lot on your shoulders. Do you have any friends?"
Sakura snorted. "No."
"No?"
"No."
She watched with her arms crossed as he put on his readers to scribble down a few things in his notepad. He let out a small cough and removed them to focus his attention back on her.
"Alright. Why don't you tell me a little more about your parents."
Sakura furrowed her brow. "My parents?"
She didn't really care to elaborate on them any further than she had previously. "They're good people. I suppose."
"Good people." he repeated, obviously surprised by her choice of description.
Sakura turned her attention away, leaning back on the couch and staring out the window. It wasn't that she disliked her parents. It was just as she said: they were good people. But that's all they really were to her. She didn't see them as loving parents so much as people who just put a roof over her head and expected her to be perfect at everything in return.
"You don't get along with your parents?"
Sakura scoffed, feeling herself get defensive at the possibility that given her relationship with her parents he just saw her as your typical teenage brat. "Don't say it like that."
Dr. Hatake remained silent, tilting his head slightly at her as she lifted herself from the couch.
"I'm not just some bratty teenager who hates her parents. I do love them," she pointed, lifting herself from the couch and walking towards the window. At least she thought she loved them. She loved them in the sense that they were her parents and that was about it.
"I just feel… suffocated. Like my life isn't mine. Like I have no control. I have a hard time telling you who I am because I don't know. I don't know who Sakura is. Not anymore."
Sakura noticed him watching her intently as she paced about the room, arms crossed and a contemplative look on her face. That was the first time she said something so intrinsic as that. That she didn't know who she was. Couldn't give herself a unique identity.
"Well, that's where I come in, Sakura."
Sakura turned her attention back to him, fingers curled under her chin. "What?"
Dr. Hatake let out a sigh and put his readers and notepad down on the desk. A soft and reassuring smile spread across his face. "During your time here let's help build your identity. Get that confidence back up that I can clearly see in you."
A ghost of a smile formed on her face as she turned to face him. "You think so?"
"Yes, I am absolutely positive. But, I think that's about all the time we have for today unfortunately."
She would be lying if she weren't a tad disappointed. An hour seemed to fly by, which must have meant they made progress.
"But we'll see each other-," he paused, flipping through his planner on his desk, "- Wednesday at one. There's actually something I'd like to try with you."
She shot him a playful grin as she traipsed back to the couch. "Can you tell me?"
When he chuckled and shook his head she fought the urge to pout. "Oh, come on! That's hardly fair!"
She heard him continue to chuckle as he lifted himself from the leather armchair, looking down at her for a brief moment. She noticed a shiver run down her spine as she studied his gaze. Though it wasn't long before he broke it, grabbing his readers and pad from the table and making his way to his desk. He sat down in his chair and shot her a wink. "I'll see you Wednesday."
Sakura playfully rolled her eyes as she made her way to exit his office. How on earth was she supposed to survive the rest of the day and Tuesday?
Thankfully, the days started to become a routine for Sakura.
Sakura liked routine. She liked order. Liked things to be scheduled. So getting into the swing of things wasn't so difficult. She would get up at around seven in the morning. Ino would show at eight with her prescription and offer the option to shower, which she would usually take. At nine they would go to the cafeteria for breakfast. To her surprise, the food was actually quite good. Fresh fruit and baked goods fully stocked. Decent coffee. Group therapy followed that, then Ino would take her to either yoga or just a stroll outside. And then her session with Dr. Hatake.
She only had one real session under her belt and he had already managed to peel off a layer of herself that she had yet to come to terms with. It was refreshing and she already felt somewhat of a connection with him. Like they clicked. It made her more receptive to the whole therapy setting and aspired her to do better.
It wasn't a 180 by any means but it was a vast improvement.
Though all she could think about was the mysterious session Dr. Hatake implied that he had planned. She could already tell that her therapy sessions were soon to become a bright spot in her day. Talking to him came easy, and she only hoped it would get easier.
"Sakura, do you have anything you'd like to share with the group today?"
Sakura's head shot up as she was torn out of her thoughts. Anything to share? No. Not unless the mediator was Dr. Hatake.
"Um, no." she murmured under her breath, watching the woman, Tsunade, give her a slightly disappointed look.
"There's nothing you'd like to share? Nothing at all?"
Sakura shook her head once more. What was she supposed to say? She preferred talking to her handsome therapist rather than a group of degenerate teenagers? That'd be a sure fire way to make the rest of her stay there miserable.
When the session was over she was tired. Ino had been waiting for her the entire time, steaming cup of coffee in hand and a smile on her face. "Everything alright?"
Sakura shrugged. "I don't know."
Ino led them outside, away from the buzzing and bustling noise of the manor. They sat on a bench, sipping their coffee in silence. Sakura found that she liked it. Ino wouldn't press if she wasn't in the mood to talk. It was like she knew that being there was enough. And it was.
Sakura took a sip of her coffee and let out a long sigh. "So, how did you land this gig? It's not exactly a normal job."
Ino chuckled, placing her coffee in her lap. "Well, the woman monitoring the group session? She's my Godmother. I had a lot of issues with confidence and anger when I was younger and she really helped me through it. I guess I see a lot of good in what she does and it inspired me."
Sakura nodded her head, finding her story quite remarkable. "I hope I can be like you one day…"
She gasped slightly as she felt Ino's hand suddenly grab hers, pale blue eyes piercing hers. "Don't compare yourself to others. All we can do is aspire to be the best that we can be. That's what you should focus on."
Though her voice was stern, the smile on Ino's face was reassuring. And to her surprise, Sakura found herself gripping onto Ino's hand, taking comfort in the kind gesture.
Another first.
After a nice and long pause, Ino squeezed Sakura's hand and finished her coffee in one big gulp. "We should get going. You're appointment with Dr. Hatake is coming up."
And for the first time in a long time, Sakura couldn't seem to contain her smile.
"Sakura, how familiar are you with hypnosis?"
Sakura turned her attention from her usual spot by the window, shooting him a surprised look. She had to admit, she did not see that coming.
Ino had only just dropped her off for her second therapy session with Dr. Hatake. It began just as it had on Monday. She arriving and he at his desk, scribbling down some notes in his notepad.
After a brief pause she shrugged, not knowing much about hypnosis except for what she had seen in movies, which she assumed were not at all accurate. "Um, not very."
A chuckle escaped him as he lifted himself from the armchair, circling the couch and gliding up to his bookcase. She watched curiously as he picked up a metronome and turned to bring it back with him.
"Well if you couldn't already deduce, I'm a hypnotherapist. The science checks out, so don't let any hocus pocus around it get to you. I wouldn't be putting you to sleep, rather guide you into a state of hyper-awareness. It might help us get to the root of your anxiety and delve a bit deeper if need be."
Dr. Hatake walked back to the armchair, placing the metronome on the table and ushered for her to take a seat back on the couch. She felt slightly apprehensive about it. Not because of her misconceived notions about it, but because there was an air of mystery around it. She really had no idea what would happen. What she would say. What she would do. He must have sensed her hesitation because he took off his glasses and leaned slightly over the arm of the chair.
"This won't work if you're not open to it. So you need to trust me."
His voice was soft and reassuring. It was almost hard to say no. Chewing her lip in thought she pushed herself from the window, slowly walking back to the couch and sinking herself into it.
"Do you trust me, Sakura?"
She looked at him, a softness in his eyes and she found herself nodding her head. The smile that spread across his face was satisfying and she was already feeling better about the idea. Her heart rate began to slow as she relaxed into the couch.
"Great. So why don't we start off with some light hypnosis? I want you to recall a happy memory from your childhood. Do you think you can pick something you enjoyed doing?"
Sakura paused and thought for a moment. She searched her mind and to her relief it didn't take her too long to recall something. So she nodded her head, about to speak but he cut her off. "No, you don't need to tell me. Let's see if you can recall it back."
Sakura nodded her head once more as he leaned over to start the metronome. "Remember to trust me. My voice will act as a guide and anchor for you to keep you focused. You'll be perfectly safe here. Do you understand, Sakura?"
Letting out a sharp breath, she let herself fall back against the couch and focus on the ticking of the metronome. "Yes."
Dr. Hatake watched her carefully, the same smile on his face. "Perfect."
As they both settled he used a remote to dim the lights and close the curtains, the sound of the metronome still filling the room had already begun to relax her.
"Now, Sakura," she heard him say, settling back into his chair, "Keep listening and try to focus on the sound of my voice. I want you to picture a beach. Any beach. Maybe one you've visited. It's a clear and sunny day. You feel the soft sand underneath your feet. The gentle touch of water slowly wading through your toes. With every lick of the water against you; feel yourself start to relax. Your muscles soften and your breath begins to even. In and out. Your body becomes lighter and lighter as the water washes over your feet. Your legs. Your waist."
Sakura's eyes begin to feel heavy as she became lulled and transfixed by his voice. It was incredibly soothing and comforting and not long before she felt her breathing even out.
"As the water begins to rise over you, feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper. Following the sound of my voice, eyes growing heavy."
As Sakura's eyes completely shut and her breathing became more attuned and rhythmic.
"As you sink deeper, you are going back to a time as a young girl. What do you see?"
Sakura watched as the water from the ocean slipped away, revealing a room with wood floors, barres and mirrors lining the walls. "I see… I see my old ballet classroom."
"Tell me what else you see."
The scene unfolded around her as she focused on her teacher guiding them through their exercises. A long line of little girls all in leotards and practicing their positions.
"I see… my teacher. Miss Suki. She's guiding us through the positions."
"You're doing very well, Sakura. I want you to continue listening to her instructions. If you want to you can open your eyes but you'll still see the room."
Sakura opened her eyes, still transfixed on the ballet room as she heard the commanding but sweet voice of her old ballet teacher. She assumed the first position, hand on the barre and following through with all of the other girls. Dr. Hatake's voice was still looming in the background, telling her that the ocean tide was bringing her back to the surface.
3… 2… 1-
- And she felt herself being pulled back into his office. She looked around and found that she was in the first position, arms over her head and standing tall, feet pointed. A blush spread across her cheeks as she realized just what she had been doing.
"Welcome back, Sakura. How do you feel?"
His eyes were warm as he leaned forward in his chair, watching her. She blinked, feeling the emotion rush through her in a surge of happiness.
"I feel… amazing. That was just, wow. Was I- was I dancing around your office?"
He chuckled, settling back into his chair. "Not completely, but it's good that you were. It means the memory you picked was strong and easily immersible. You did a very good job."
Sakura gazed around in wonderment. "It was amazing. I can't believe how real it felt."
Dr. Hatake shot her an approving smile, clearly happy with the results of her first hypnosis session. "Your capacity and susceptibility is really quite remarkable. Wasn't too frightening, was it?"
Sakura shook her head. "No. Not even a little bit. I'll admit I was a bit hesitant when we first started but it's like your voice just pulled me in. I was just… so immersed and didn't want to come out."
Sakura blushed, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she realized she had started to ramble. Especially about how affected she was by his voice. To her relief, he didn't seem to pay any mind and just returned her smile and excitement.
"So, what happens now?"
Dr. Hatake clasped his hands on his desk and quirked his lips. "Well, I think given how well this session went we should continue with hypnosis therapy, with the goal of creating happier memories in your present."
Sakura let out a contented sigh and smiled. "That sounds wonderful."
"Great. So let's plan for another session on Friday. Same time?"
Sakura nodded her head. "Same time."
Chapter 3: Where Is My Mind?
Summary:
Sakura's parents visit for the first time since she's been admitted, making for an interesting hypnosis session with Dr. Hatake.
*Knock* *Knock*
For the better part of an hour, Sakura had been tossing and turning in her bed. The soft knock that emanated from the other side of the door made her head tilt in confusion. She glanced towards the small clock mounted to the wall, reading ten in the evening. Even though it was Friday, patients were still expected to be in bed by a certain time. Monitors and doctors had gone home. The night staff had since taken over.
So it was no surprise that Sakura was slightly on edge when considering those factors, while someone was on the other side of her door at this hour. She lifted herself from the bed, shuffling slowly and quietly over to her bedroom door. When she opened it a surprised smile spread across her face.
On the other side was Ino, still dressed in her scrubs uniform with a hoodie thrown over. She was holding a brown bag and a drink carrier with two sodas.
Sakura stood there, mouth hung open slightly in confusion. "Ino! W-What are you doing here? What if you get caught ?"
Ino chuckled and bounced on her toes. "Well let me in so that doesn't happen."
The two girls giggled as Sakura let Ino in, eyeing the goodies she had brought. "What's in the bag?"
Ino chuckled as she dove her hand in. "Hope you're not a vegetarian." she declared as she pulled out two burgers wrapped in parchment and two cartons of fries. Sakura's eyes practically bugged out of her head and mouth began to salivate as the aroma hit her. She never thought she'd be so happy to see a burger in her life.
"Ino, you could get in so much trouble for this."
The blond shrugged, placing her burger and fries on Sakura's small nightstand. "I know. But I noticed you barely ate anything this entire week. And I know the first week can be really tough to get acclimated and all that…"
Sakura nodded her head, the same smile on her face as she unwrapped her burger from the paper. It was a complete mess and grease was dripping down her fingers, but she wouldn't have it any other way. She sank her teeth in and audibly moaned in delight.
Ino let out another amused chuckle. "Good?"
Sakura nodded her head, the most content she had been in a long while. "So good. Thank you, Ino."
The two ate in companionable silence for a long while. She was completely surprised that she managed to eat the entire thing, fries included. She didn't know how badly she needed that. The company wasn't too bad either.
"So are you ready to see your parents tomorrow?"
Sakura froze mid sip of her soda, the content and peaceful air around her suddenly constricting at the mention of her parents. "Not really, but I guess I don't really have a choice."
Ino nodded her head, somewhat in agreement. She wore a sympathetic smile on her face as she packed the remaining trash back into the brown bag. "Well why don't we talk about something happier before I go. How did your sessions with Dr. Hatake go?"
Sakura felt herself smiling right from the mention of his name and Ino quirked her brow. "Uh-oh."
Sakura blushed and threw herself down on the bed, back splayed and trying to hide her blush. "They've been great." was all she could really manage to say. Their session Friday had gone similarly to Wednesday's. They delved into another hypnosis session where she similarly grasped for another happy memory from her childhood. It left her feeling airy and light, if only for a little while.
Ino chuckled as she plucked the brown bag from the ground and lifted herself to a stand. "Well that's great but need I remind you that he's your doctor , okay?"
Sakura rolled her eyes and shot Ino a goofy grin before throwing the covers over her face in a childish way.
"Seriously, Sakura. You can look all you want. Just don't touch. Because then he could lose his job-"
"Oh my God, Ino. You're reading into it way too much."
The blonde let out a huff and sat herself on the edge of Sakura's bed. She watched as Ino's hand traced the sheets mindlessly. "Ino?"
"I just- I know someone who got a little too close with her therapist. She lost all of her credibility and hard work. I really like Dr. Hatake and I see you as a friend. It happens more often than I'd like to admit simply because people don't get caught. But still, It's easy to form close bonds here."
Sakura nodded her head thoughtfully. She had only been there a week and really didn't see a need for this conversation. Dr. Hatake always carried himself with poise and professionalism. He was the only male who was really nice to her and he was attractive. There was nothing wrong in noticing that.
Right?
"Okay well, I'll see you in the morning? I know you're nervous about seeing your parents but I'll be with you the entire time."
That helped ebb the tension somewhat. Sakura really wasn't too keen on potentially walking into a lion's den alone. Her parents were unpredictable and never understood mental health. They always just responded with confusion and anger, so with the knowledge that Ino would in fact be there if need be definitely soothed her warring mind.
Sakura watched as Ino opened and disappeared behind the door, closing it softly behind her. A foreboding and ominous tension radiated from the sound of the door shutting. Her heart began to pound loudly in her chest once more as she was now left alone with her thoughts. The prospect of seeing her parents left a sour taste in her mouth. Though the knowledge that Ino would be there definitely eased her anxiety, she found herself thankful for the prescription that would be waiting on her nightstand come morning.
The tension was palpable as Sakura and Ino stood, side by side, coffee in hand. It had been Ino's rather genius idea to have coffee ready, since it never failed to have a mood lifting effect.
A shuddered breath escaped her lips as she looked on at the two sitting on a nearby bench in the rose garden. She couldn't decipher what she felt in that moment. Couldn't discern if she was excited at the prospect of seeing them or anxious. There was only one way for her to find out, but she wished she could just go back to her room and forget seeing them all together. With a final nudge from Ino Sakura squared her shoulders and she traveled the short few yards to join the two.
She could cut the tension with a fucking knife. But they smiled all the same as they lifted both of their heads to greet her. She handed them the two steaming cups of coffee, accepting with a polite nod. She sat down beside them and her mother placed a gentle hand on her knee, giving it a small rub in what seemed like forced affection.
"Hi, honey."
Sakura put on a smile as she watched them both take their first sips. Their expressions had changed slightly with their faces seeming similarly forced. They all sat in an uncomfortable silence. Like they all didn't want to be there.
"It's a really beautiful facility." her mom noted, breaking the silence and her father nodded in agreement. Sakura fought back a scowl at the way she said facility. Like she was some lab rat placed there to be a part of some huge experiment. Like she wasn't normal.
Sakura forced another smile and gave them a stiff nod. She took a sip of her coffee, looking around the garden. It really was beautiful. She could understand why they were a prominent feature in the brochure she had been given back at the hospital. There were different hues of red, white, and pink. She could see herself spending hours there. Alone.
"How are things at home?" she found herself asking, looking towards the two seated next to her as their eyes aimlessly wandered anywhere but her.
"Oh, you know."
Shaking her head, she bit her lip as she felt it start to quiver. It was always like this. Sitting in awkward silence as they pretended to care to be there. She wasn't amounting to be the perfect child that they wanted. She wasn't going forth with the plan they had put in place for her. She had deviated. So now they needed to correct her. Not even giving a thought to try and understand it.
"So, how is your treatment going?"
Sakura's nostrils flared and she audibly scoffed. "My treatment ?"
Her mother looked at her, stupefied by her sudden and irate reaction. "Well, yes."
"Why do you have to say treatment like that? Like I'm just a walking basket case? This isn't an institution, mom. We're not just a bunch of crazy people."
Sakura huffed as she grabbed her coffee from the bench. Her father wasn't even looking at her. Still hadn't so much as even greeted her. His head hung low as her mother continued to stare, mouth gaping.
"What? Were you hoping I'd get lobotomized or something as ridiculously barbaric as that?"
She shook her head, tears spilling unchecked as she sped off, ignoring Ino's pleas for her to stop as she ran off towards her room. All she wanted was to run to Dr. Hatake's office. To escape and have him soothe her with his velvet deep voice. To immerse herself and let go as he guided her deeper down the rabbit hole. Where she could really be happy.
When Sakura crossed the threshold into Dr. Hatake's office, she immediately felt ten times lighter. Coming back from the weekend, she was more than ready to delve right into her next hypnosis session. She practically skipped into the office and leapt onto the leather couch. His chuckle upon noticing her exuberance pleased her as she straightened herself, bringing her knees together and folding her hands on top of them.
Dr. Hatake walked over and towards his designated chair, notepad in hand and readers secured to his face. "Eager, are we?" he teased as he sunk down into the chair.
Sakura beamed and nodded her head in earnest. "Yes."
"Well, why don't we start by talking about how the weekend went?"
Sakura's smile fell slightly and she cocked her head to the side. "The weekend?"
He maintained his stoic gaze, nodding his head. "Sure."
"I mean, nothing really happened."
"Really?" he asked, flipping through his planner and stopping at a page. "It says here your parents visited on Saturday."
Sakura pursed her lips and nodded her head slowly. "Mmhmm."
Dr. Hatake let out a soft chuckle. "Do you not want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"And why is that?"
"I don't know. Talking about them doesn't necessarily bring a smile to my face."
Dr. Hatake threw her a slightly confused look. "Well we're not necessarily here just to talk about the good times. We have to help you face or come to terms with difficult things, overcome them and achieve something greater. And that needs to start with your relationship with your parents."
"Look, I know you think I'm just some spoiled teena—"
"Why do you keep thinking that?"
Sakura scrunched her brow. "Think what?"
"You were about to say I think you're some spoiled teenager who hates her parents. Why do you say I think that of you?"
Sakura remained silent as she continued staring at him, words failing her.
"Or maybe it's you projecting that image onto yourself. I don't think that of you. And if I did then I would be a very bad therapist." he said, voice remaining calm and collected as he focused on her. His words were stern coming out of his mouth but he still maintained that relaxed and warm persona that she found so comforting, even if he was delivering a reality check.
"Your problems lie in your image and self- confidence. And I really think that if we can overcome some things from your past, starting with your parents, then we can get a good footing on moving forward and shaping how you should see yourself."
She watched him carefully, at a loss for words. It was the most she had heard him speak and she felt like a fool for having nothing as a response. She felt like she had disappointed him but at the same time was flattered that he had felt so strongly about her case. He went back to writing in his notepad as she chewed her lip.
"Are you upset that I don't want to talk about it?"
To her relief, Dr. Hatake lifted his head from what he had been writing to focus on her once more. "Sakura, I could never be upset with you. But, you do need to realize that the topic of your parents will keep coming up, and we can't keep shoving it under the rug."
"I'm not doing that."
Dr. Hatake tilted his head and cocked his brow at her, a small but noticeably unconvinced look on his face. Sakura slumped her shoulders, looking away from him as she did so. "Alright, I guess I am."
She knew she was avoiding the subject. It's not like she wanted to be difficult during her sessions, but her parents were not a topic she felt so ready to discuss. She knew they were the biggest factor in why she was this way. Maybe that's why it was so hard...
"Sakura," he began, taking off his readers and tossing them onto the glass table in front of them. He closed his notepad and fixed her with a serious expression. "I want you to remember that you're in a safe environment with me. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I would never hurt you nor do I intend to."
Sakura gulped down a nervous breath. She felt herself breaking into a cold sweat. His words were somewhat comforting but she felt her palms begin to permeate with moisture.
Dr. Hatake shot her a sympathetic look, sensing she was already on edge. "Let's do another round. Just to loosen you up. If you'd be willing?"
Sakura nodded her head. Another hypnosis session sounded much better than actively talking about her feelings, at least for now. She already felt mentally exhausted. She watched as Dr. Hatake lifted himself from the chair, walking over to the bookcase to grab the metronome.
She continued to watch with an intense stare as he sat back down. Her eyes lingered on his eye patch as he sunk into the seat. It was obvious that it had been made for him. There material was a leather of some sort and fit the empty socket perfectly. "Can I ask you a question?"
Dr. Hatake started the metronome and have her a soft smile. "Anything."
"What happened to your eye?"
She watched as he froze slightly. It was the first time she saw him visibly hesitate, and it made her curious. He wasn't looking at her. Instead he remained frozen with his hand hovering over the ticker of the metronome. She felt only slightly embarrassed for asking something potentially personal, but she was intrigued more than anything.
He recovered quite quickly and sat back in his chair, crossing a leg over the other and planting his ankle on his knee. "Just a rock climbing accident. Got hit in the eye by a falling rock."
Sakura nodded her head slowly. "Did it hurt?"
He watched her intently, the tick of the metronome filling the space. A glimmer of something passed through his gaze as they continued staring at one another. She believed what he said, but it was almost like there was more to the story than he was letting on. In the end, it wasn't really her business.
"Yes."
Sakura nodded her head once more, a bit faster this time as she sunk back into the couch.
"Alright, Sakura. We're going to try something a little different, but we'll start off similarly by having you focus on my voice."
She heard him settle into his chair as the tick of the metronome filled the space. The curtains had been drawn. Breathing had evened. It was time to begin.
"I want you to imagine a meadow. There's a soft and pleasant breeze. You're immersed in the tall grass and focusing on the soft carry of the wind. There's a stream of rushing water nearby. Follow the sound of my voice as you feel yourself sinking deeper into the grass. Your body feels light. Your eyes are growing heavy. Your body is relaxed but my voice is still here."
Sakura's eyes shut and her breathing became deep and rhythmic once more.
"As you sink deeper into the grass… you are going back to the events of this weekend. I want you to tell me when you see your parents, Sakura."
The comfortable darkness of the tall grass that had covered her and pulled her in bled away and she was met with the scenery of the rose garden. Her parents were both sitting on the bench with her standing just behind them. "I see them. I see my parents."
"You're doing so well for me, Sakura. I want you to walk up to them."
Sakura felt herself glide towards the two figures. She didn't exactly feel anything as she found herself getting closer. No happiness. Or sadness. Empathy. Melancholy. She didn't feel anything for the two individuals. Similar to how she felt when she had seen them during their visit.
But something was different. The air had changed. The mood had completely diverged from what she had encountered over the weekend. "Something's different."
"What's different? What do you see?"
"My parents. In the rose garden. But…"
"But, what? Sakura stay with me. Focus on me."
Dr. Hatake's voice was there but it had taken a step back, floating in the background as she stood behind her parents.
They were discussing. Judgement in their voices. Anger filling the air. It threatened to suffocate her. They spoke in hushed but stern whispers as they conversed between one another. Her brow furrowed as she heard the mention of her name. Their voices became louder and more passionate as she began picking up small pieces of the conversation.
"Such a fragile girl."
"Burden."
"Emotional."
"Won't amount to anything if she's like this."
Sakura felt her throat constricting. Everything started crashing around her. Her parents disappeared in a plume of smoke. The rose garden went up in flames and the landscape caught fire as well. She surged back to the meadow which was now just lit up in a similar fire.
She desperately wanted to scream but couldn't. Opening her mouth did nothing and she felt herself scratching at her throat just to feel something . The flames licked at her feet and she felt trapped.
"I can't breathe."
The smoke wrapped around her in an oppressive embrace and threatened to bring her down further. She kept clawing to the surface, trying to make her way out and towards the comforting voice of Dr. Hatake's command.
" Lights on."
Sakura found herself back in Dr. Hatake's office. She looked around, immediately bringing herself to a straightened position, mouth hung sightly. Dr. Hatake was still seated in his chair, relatively in the same position as he had been when she went under.
"What was that?" she asked, voice shaky as she stared at him. Where she had been came straight from her nightmares. Everything catching fire or turning into smoke. Everyone turning against her.
"Well, I asked for you to walk towards your parents. You didn't respond and after a few moments you said you couldn't breathe. So I pulled you out."
Sakura stared at him, mouth gaping. "I mean… why did that happen? That wasn't supposed to happen. I thought these sessions were supposed to make me feel happy!"
Dr. Hatake uncrossed his legs and brought himself to the edge of the chair. "Sakura-"
"No!" she shot back, lifting herself from the couch. "You're supposed to make me feel better, not worse. I'm scared and upset and honestly don't know what the fuck just happened."
She could feel herself spiraling and her head was absolutely pounding. She lifted herself from the couch and walked towards the window like she always seemed to do when she was in an emotional state.
A surprised gasp escaped her lips, turning at the sound of him approaching her from behind. She gasped as she felt his hands securely wrap around her arms. Looking down at his hands, she observed his surprisingly tense grip. It didn't hurt but she could tell he was being serious. She slowly lifted her head up to him, meeting his penetrating gaze. It was soft but stern. Authoritative but warm.
He let out a shaky breath, like he had lost some of his composure. Like he wasn't supposed to be doing this. And she found that she liked it. Liked that his stoic persona was gone and he was just being him. Raw. Unfiltered.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, running his thumb soothingly along her skin, sending a delightful shiver down her spine, "My- my parents died a long time ago. The same way you had tried to."
Sakura couldn't help but wince. It was the first time the reason for her stay there had been brought up. He hadn't even mentioned it during their four sessions since she had become his patient. She was hoping it would stay that way for awhile longer.
"Knowing that-" he continued, breathing becoming shallow. Her breathing matched his and she couldn't help but let her gaze drift downward and to his soft lips. "I just want to help you, Sakura."
Sakura lifted her gaze back to him, a reassuring smile taking the place of her frown. "I know."
They remained that way for a long while. Dr. Hatake continued rubbing soothing circles with his thumb into her arm. The both of them focusing on the shallowness of their breathing.
"If you want to leave, you can. I won't stop you."
Sakura held her breath, not trusting either answer that wanted to come out of her mouth. She couldn't help but fixate on his lips. The shaky breath that escaped them. His tense grip on her arms. The heaviness in his stare.
A knock sounded at the door and she could feel him stiffen at the sound. "There's your answer." he murmured, letting go of his grip on her arms as he walked over towards the table to stop the metronome.
Sakura remained rooted to the spot, staring intently at the ground. She didn't know what to make of what had transpired. Knowing Ino was on the other side waiting for her, she wasted no time gathering her things as she made haste for the door. It was clear that what had just happened was not appropriate and they would deal with the consequences later. But for now, Sakura would do her part and leave before anything truly damaging could happen.
She couldn't help but let a small shiver run down her spine as she could practically feel his dark gaze linger on her backside.
"I'll see you on Wednesday, Sakura."
Chapter 4: Deeper
"I just want to help you Sakura."
She was back in Dr. Hatake's office, them in that same position. Him towering over her, hands positioned over her arms and rubbing them soothingly. Though her eyes slid shut this time as she let the soft touch and deepness of his voice take her deeper.
"If you want to leave you can. I won't stop you." he murmured and began to let go of her arm and give her the space he thought she desired. A desperation for his closeness and his touch ran through her and she reached out her arm-
"No, don't stop..."
"Hmm?"
"Keep touching me…please."
His gaze darkened, filled with an intensity she couldn't exactly pinpoint. But he nodded in acquience as he slowly approached her once more. His hands trailed to her sides as she bit her lip, feeling his fingertips graze over her skin.
Lowering his head to her ear, her breath hitched upon feeling the warm puff of his breath against her. "Like this?"
"Mmm, maybe more?" she said between labored breaths.
A chuckle escaped him. "More? Are we being a greedy little girl?"
When she pulled away she gazed intently into his eyes, communicating to him exactly what she wanted. Her eyes traveled from his lips to his eye and it darkened once more. She felt her eyes flutter closed when his hand traveled up her side…
Her breast…
Neck…
And to her cheek, cupping it softly in the palm of his hand. She sighed, turning her face into it but he redirected her towards him. Their bodies were being pulled closer together. She could feel that desirable heat as his face lowered to hers. His breathing labored like it had been. Eyes heavy. Lips ready and waiting.
She felt her own hand lift to wrap around his head and gather his soft hair in her hand. He groaned against her as their foreheads met.
They looked at one another for a final time, his lips so teasingly close to hers and when he pushed forward—
She felt herself wake.
It had rained for the past day and a half. Sakura sat in a chair in the lounge room, gazing out the window and watching the droplets of water run down the window.
The sound of the TV hummed in the background, the news anchor droning on about a recent disappearance in town. She didn't pay much attention as she kept her gaze outside. The group therapy session scheduled that day had been cancelled due to the mediator not being able to travel in the storm. So now she had nothing to do but obsess over every minute detail of what had happened at her last session with Dr. Hatake before Ino came to fetch her.
And the dream she had woken up from did nothing to silence her warring thoughts. If anything it made her realize even more that what she had been feeling was most definitely a problem. Whether it was a hindrance or not, she did not know.
But what she did know was what transpired between the two of them at the end of their session went beyond what is appropriate for a doctor and patient. For the first time since she arrived at Briar Hill, she felt nervous for their next session, rather than excited.
Footsteps padded behind her and Sakura turned to see Ino traipsing up to her, the customary two piping hot cups of coffee in her hand. Sakura managed to put on a smile as she gladly accepted the cup Ino offered her.
"Ready?"
Sakura shrugged. "As I'll ever be."
Ino nodded her head and watched as Sakura lifted herself from her seat. They exited the lounge and made their way to the opposite side of the facility and towards Dr. Hatake's office. She had been preparing herself all morning it seemed but she still couldn't shake her budding nerves. It wasn't that she was completely against the idea of hypnosis, but something had transpired and left her feeling uncertain.
So as they approached the door that separated her from his office she felt herself take a deep and steeled breath. She felt Ino shoot her a curious glance and turned her head towards her. "Hey, you alright?"
Sakura met her gaze, unsure of how to answer her question. In all honesty, she wasn't. She hadn't told her about the last session left her solely because it left her feeling unbalanced and she wasn't sure whether to discount any of the progress she had made. It had only been a couple of weeks since her arrival, so it wouldn't be fair to measure the amount of progress, whether there had been or not.
Ino decided to knock on the door for her, hearing a faint " Come in" that sent an ominous shiver down Sakura's spine. The blonde pushed open the door and allowed for Sakura to breeze past her and walk into the cozy office. It was a particularly cool autumn day so he had a fire in his office going.
Dr. Hatake was over at his desk, as usual. Though instead of being in his usual seated position he was standing directly next to it as if he were anticipating her arrival. She gulped down a nervous breath, placing her hands behind her back and clasped them together. She could tell he was a little nervous too. Though why she did not know.
"Sakura," he began, tapping his finger on the glass top of his desk, shifting his gaze to look out towards the window like she often would when she was lost in thought. "I just wanted to apologize for our previous session."
"Apologize?"
Dr. Hatake nodded his head as he stepped away from his desk and placed his hands in his pockets. "I didn't mean for things to go south the way they did."
Sakura inclined her head slightly. "Go south?"
He sighed slightly, shifting on his feet. "Well, I want you to trust me and…I think I lost a little bit of it because of what happened."
She chose to remain silent as she watched him closely, a curious expression on her face. She didn't know how to respond. Didn't know if she should appease him or chastise him for what he had just admitted to.
"But I'd like to try and get it back if you'll let me."
Sakura felt her breath hitch in her throat, watching as he began to walk towards her. Slowly. Cautiously. She didn't know what to do as she remained frozen to the spot. The desire to be comforted by him and to trust him despite their previous session currently outweighed any negative thoughts she had felt previously. So she continued to watch. Watch as he crossed the room. Watch as he stopped in front of her. Watch as he looked down at her with a focused stare, breathing deep and even.
"Do you trust me, Sakura?"
Her eyes threatened to flutter shut at just how close he felt to her body. She nodded her head, unable to do anything else and he nodded his head in response. He straightened himself as he continued his intense and focused stare on her.
"I need you to listen to me very carefully, or else this won't work. Tell me you understand."
"I understand."
She watched as his nostrils flared but he refocused, steadying himself. "I want you to count down from one hundred. All the way to one. But," he paused, searching her eyes and she gulped, "Every inhale will be an even number and every exhale will be odd. Do you understand?"
Sakura nodded her head and he continued. "Once you've hit a steady rhythm, I'm going to focus on relaxing your different muscle groups. Instructing you to try and relax deeper. Do you understand?"
"I understand."
Dr. Hatake nodded his head. "Good. You may begin whenever you're ready."
Sakura took a deep breath, closing her eyes and focusing. She wanted this to work. She wanted to feel relaxed and completely at his mercy for him to do whatever was required to get her back on track. Get them back on track. Wanted him to touch her so that she could give in to the comforting embrace of that realm she had delved into those first few sessions. She needed to feel that feeling again.
She inhaled. "One hundred."
And exhaled. "Ninety-nine."
Inhaled. "Ninety-eight."
Exhaled. "Ninety-seven."
She continued, eyes closed as she focused on her breathing and counting back. Her mind wavered only slightly when she felt his hands slowly and softly move up her arm. So tantalizingly close but not enough to distract her or for her to feel anything.
Inhale. "Seventy-four."
Exhale. "Seventy-three."
A jolt ran through her body as she felt his hands at her neck, beginning to rub the muscle softly. "Concentrate on your neck, Sakura. Continue counting for me but feel the muscles in your neck begin to relax under my touch."
She fought hard not to moan slightly at the feel of his warm hands on her neck, feeling the tension ebbing as she surrendered to his touch and continued to countback.
Inhale. "Fifty-two."
Exhale. "Fifty-one."
He moved outward and down her arms, his thumbs moving in small circles as he continued his descent. The softness and depth of his voice were intoxicating but she continued with his instruction, counting down without wavering. A moan threatened to escape her lips as she felt him move to her sides, the feel of his warm fingertips brushing along her skin as he lifted her shirt slightly.
Inhale. "Thirty-six."
Exhale. "Thirty-five."
"As you continue counting back," he crooned, voice deep and thick with something she hadn't heard from him before, "you'll find it easier to sink deeper and deeper. Your arms and legs are starting to feel heavy."
His hands continued to massage her sides and she let out a small hum, his grip moving to her back and rubbing small circles with his thumbs. "Deeper and deeper, concentrating on counting back and focusing on my touch."
Inhale. "Eighteen."
Exhale. "Seventeen."
She felt him bring his mouth to her ear. A shiver ran down her spine.
Snap!
"Sleep."
Sakura was surrounded by darkness. But it didn't make her feel uneasy or frightened. It was quite… comforting. It felt like a black veil enveloping her in its protective and its soothing embrace. She felt the desire to do nothing but lay down and let the darkness consume her.
But something was holding her up. Something equally as comforting as the darkness that was ready to consume her. An embrace equally as comforting as she felt a familiar voice come in from behind her.
"Very good Sakura. You're doing so well. You're in good hands."
It was Dr. Hatake. And just then everything started to come back. Him guiding her through what must've been another trance. Him touching her. Soothing her with his melodic voice. She could still feel and hear him as he brought her down even deeper than she had ever been before.
"On a scale of 1 to 1,000, 1 being bright, alert, and awake and 1,000 being so very deeply hypnotized, how do you feel?"
She felt a heat pooling in her belly as the tingling of his hands in her stomach. "Good. So good...maybe three-hundred?" she murmured as she felt her head lull back, resting against…something.
"I want you to imagine a staircase. Ten steps. I want you to count aloud your descent. With each step, you go ten times deeper into trance. You may begin when you're ready."
She was definitely getting the hang of this counting back thing and found she was doing it without even realizing it. "Ten…nine…eight…"
"Very good Sakura. Use the same scale from earlier and give me a number."
"Eight-hundred"
"Good girl. Going so deep for me."
Sakura felt her breath hitch as a warmth brushed against her neck. Something soft. Something wet. She could feel her legs growing weak but something kept her up.
"Now, tell me what really happened last time we met."
A shiver ran down her spine as she thought back to their previous session. What happened afterward. The closeness. His warm hands on her arms and rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs. His breath tickling her face and his soothing words flooding her mind. Making himself vulnerable to her.
"You know what I think?" she heard him whisper into her ear, his hands snaking around to her front and ghosting right below her breast. "I think you liked me touching you. Being that close to you."
A coo left her lips as he began to tease the skin below her bra, thumbing under the material and teasing the underside of her breast. The back of her head rest against him as his tongue traced the curve of her bare shoulder and neck.
" How often do you look at me like that? Like you want me to touch you? Like you want me to fuck you? Like you need to surrender to me?" he crooned. She felt him move from her breasts back to her stomach. Very little pressure, same as before, but much more effective with his continued assault.
" I felt it too. That insatiable need to be inside you. Feel you. Your mind belongs to me. Your body and soul belongs to me. I can sense your desire to be putty in my hands." he murmured as he drew small circles into her abdomen, teasing just above the seam of her pants.
"Yes…" she moaned softly, the word escaping her before she could even process what she said. She couldn't think straight as she was held down in the void, his voice and touch anchoring her.
She could have sworn she felt his lips planting small kisses from her shoulder up to her neck, murmuring softly into her skin as he did so. She felt her own hand traveling up her body, snaking up her sides and tangling in with his hair. A growl could be felt against her neck at her sudden brashness.
" You've been a very good girl Sakura," he said in a low tone, " but now I need you to do me a favor. Can you do that for me Sakura? It would please me very much."
Sakura sighed in contentment and nodded, still too deep to string together full sentences.
" I need you to keep this conversation a secret from your waking mind. Let this conversation drift out of your head, easily and without a care. I'll keep your memories safe for you. I'll keep you safe. All you need to do is forget. It feels so good to forget, doesn't it Sakura?"
She nodded her head, the feel of her memories slowly fading away. He placed a final kiss on her shoulder. Then, he removed himself from his close hold on her and brought his hands back to her arms.
"Now, I'm going to count down five to one, and as I'm counting down you'll wake up nice and relaxed. Rejuvenated. Only remembering the parts that I want you to remember."
Five…
"Beginning to wake up now…"
Four…
" Feeling refreshed and rejuvenated…"
Three…
"Feeling returning to your muscles, preparing to wake up…"
Two…
One…
Sakura slowly came to, blinking as she tried to piece together what had happened. The last thing she remembered was the snap of his fingers, then darkness. But now, as she stood still facing away from him, she couldn't help but notice she felt completely relaxed. Rejuvenated even.
But that was it. She wrinkled her brow and stared blankly in front of her in confusion. All she could do was feel. And she felt good. But she couldn't put an image to it. No memory. Nothing to match the relaxed feeling in her body. And she didn't know whether to be frightened by it or embrace it.
A contented sigh was heard from behind her and she turned to see Dr. Hatake standing with a pleasant smile on his face. "Hello Sakura, how do you feel?"
"I-I feel…"
A voice whispered in her mind. "Feeling refreshed and rejuvenated."
She shook her head and wrinkled her brow, banishing that crooning whisper. "Good. Really good."
"Wonderful," he said with a satisfied smile on his face. "I was hoping that would help you."
"What exactly… did you do?" she asked, turning completely and crossing her arms in front of her. He chuckled and began to step away from her and towards his desk.
"Don't worry, I didn't do anything that would be considered untoward. Just guided you through some muscle relaxation exercises."
Sakura nodded her head and watched him closely, unable to ignore the slight twinkle in his eye as he gathered his notepad. She couldn't ignore just how good she felt. Almost as if she had been worked up. Her body felt hot and slightly flushed. Her heart was thrumming calmly and rhythmically. That odd tingling in her belly.
But she couldn't remember a damn thing.
"Alright." she heard him announce as he rounded back to the front of his desk, notepad in hand. "Let's continue on with our session, shall we?"
Righting herself, she uncrossed her arms and walked back towards the expansive leather couch and took a seat. He took his place in the leather armchair across from her, crossing his leg over the other and resting his ankle on his knee. She remained relatively quiet, a nervous energy surrounding the two even though physically she felt better than ever. She just couldn't shake that feeling . That hot and bothered makes-your-legs-clench type of feeling. A blush spread across her cheeks as she felt him staring at her, so she pulled down her skirt and straightened herself.
"I'm ready."
Chapter 5: Truths
Summary:
Dr. Hatake helps Sakura through another hypnosis session, though it's not exactly of a happy nature.
A week had passed and things at Briar Hill had been seemingly…normal. Quiet. Ordinary. Nothing exciting or of note had transpired, neither outside of Dr. Hatake's office or in. And it wasn't that she was holding out hope of anything happening.
Right?
But as Sakura sat in one of the armchairs in the common area, playing with her hair, she couldn't help but wonder if there was in fact something going on with her hypnosis sessions with Dr. Hatake. The world of hypnotherapy was very new to Sakura. And though her introduction into it since has done nothing but make her feel insurmountably better, she couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness before each of her sessions. She couldn't quite put her finger as to why. What it was that was making her so nervous? But the very fact of the matter was that she felt uncomfortable. Amidst the bliss she felt after her sessions, she always came back feeling uneasy.
But Sakura couldn't deny that she enjoyed Dr. Hatake's company. Despite the mysterious aura that surrounded him, she'd throw a fit before being assigned to anyone else. He just…understood her. Saw her for who she really was. Understood what she needed in terms of therapy and maybe even friendship.
But could she even go as far as call what they had friendship? Surely she couldn't be friends with her doctor. Though he already seemed to know her better than anyone.
She continued playing with the split ends of her hair as Ino read through the latest Cosmopolitan magazine. Subjecting her to a whole array of ludicrous but oddly entertaining quizzes and articles. Articles having to do with...the sexual nature.
It was quite obvious to Sakura that Ino was well versed in all things sex. And Sakura was…not. Not in the least bit.
And she didn't exactly get urges. Well, not since she had met Dr. Hatake. And even then she didn't quite understand what it was that she felt. The burning, tingling sensation she felt in her stomach and lower regions she knew was arousal. But how to actually relieve it to fulfillment? Well, that part she could never really get a firm grasp on.
Let alone find anyone interested enough to help her.
"Hey, you alright?"
Sakura zoned back in and turned her attention to Ino, flashing her a small smile. "Definitely. Why?"
Ino shrugged. "You've just been zoning out a lot, lately."
She wasn't sure how to respond to that. A lot was on her mind. A lot that she wasn't too keen on sharing. Even with a friend as close as Ino. There were just intimate things about her life she was… not comfortable sharing about herself.
"Just thing on my mind. Not bad things. Just…"
Ino nodded her head, seeming to understand. "Well, just in time for your appointment with Dr. Hatake. Maybe you can talk with him about," she made a circular gesture with her hands towards her head, "Whatever is going on up there."
Sakura smiled softly to herself and watched Ino put away her magazine. She was very much covering up the fact that nerves fluttered through her. Plaguing her body with that uneasy yet excited inclination that buzzed through her. Butterflies.
Lifting herself from the armchair, she smoothed down her skirt and nodded to Ino. "Let's go."
Sakura timidly knocked on his door, as she always had. She stood prim and proper, hands behind her back and body straight. Usually he would come to greet her but this time she heard a faint Come in and scrunched her brow in response.
Ino had promptly left her at the door, stating she had other matters to attend and Sakura decided not to question any further. So she was left to fend for herself and decipher or obsess over why he hadn't come open the door himself.
Despite her anxiety getting the best of her she opened the door, revealing herself and stepping into his office.
"Hello, Sakura."
She lifted her gaze to the sound of his voice, which seemed to be coming from his desk. But when her gaze met his her eyes immediately widened. She almost took a step back at the sight. Not in fear but in surprise.
Dr. Hatake's eye patch was gone. And was revealed to be a rather…normal looking eye underneath it. No empty socket. No robotic or futuristic mechanism as she had imagined. Just a normal…eyeball.
Though, it was a completely different color than his other black eye. This one was green. Or was it yellow? She wasn't quite sure. But she was certain that it was indeed different.
"Dr. H-Hatake. Um, hi." she stuttered, failing to seem normal and present herself in such a way.
He seemed amused by her obvious and awkward display as he lifted himself up from his chair. "No need to be alarmed. I could always put the patch back on. But it's healed up quite nicely and the patch is irritating."
Sakura immediately seized up, feeling terrible for even reacting in such a way about it when she shouldn't have. "No! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… um." she really didn't know what to say. "It just caught me by surprise."
Dr. Hatake took his usual place across from her, tossing his readers down onto the table between them. "What about it? If you don't mind my asking."
"Um…the different color. I suppose."
He nodded his head in understanding. "Well, the different color was a result of the injury."
It was Sakura's turn to nod her head as she smoothed down her skirt. She still felt extremely awkward for even making it a thing when it shouldn't be. Maybe she was just hiding the fact that she found it somewhat attractive. For some nondescript completely unknown reason.
"Um, so…what's on the agenda today?"
Dr. Hatake squared his shoulders and cleared his throat, a reaction to her question that put her somewhat on edge. More so than she had already been. "Well, I was thinking today we could talk about something more…sensitive to you. Something you've been having difficulty talking about."
Sakura scrunched her brow again and began to feel herself sinking into the couch. "Difficulty...talking about?"
Dr. Hatake nodded his head slowly and continued to stare at her. "Why don't we start with…your mom? Hm?"
Sakura furrowed her brow, mouth opening and closing as she was unsure of how to react.
"Would you like to talk to her? One on one?"
Sakura recoiled harshly. Talk to her? Like a seance? Did he think her mother was dead?
"Um, how do you mean?"
"With a hypnosis session, of course." he smiled.
Sakura tilted her head at that, unsure of how to really respond to that. "And…um. You think that'll help? With things? That I'm…feeling?"
Dr. Hatake smiled softly and nodded his head, "Everything that you've wanted to say to her. Everything you want to get off your chest can be done right here. I'll put you in a trance like normal and have you imagine somewhere comfortable where you can talk to her. It'll be on your terms Sakura. You have the power here. And I'll be there with you the entire time. To guide you."
In all honesty, she wanted to say no. She wanted to tell him another time. That she wasn't ready. That all she wanted was to feel good and not have to face the very source of her lack of confidence. The reason why she hated herself. She just wanted to feel good. Wanted him to make her feel good. Just as she had been.
But she also knew that she couldn't hide under the shadow of his comforting hypnosis sessions. Not forever. And he said he would be with her. Guiding her.
"We're in this together, Sakura. Do you trust me?"
Sakura knew this was a test of resolve. And she was scared shitless. But she trusted Dr. Hatake. He believed in her. And with that, Sakura looked up at him and nodded resolutely.
"Alright. Stand facing me."
Sakura did as she was told, standing from the couch and approaching him. A good few feet away.
"Now, step forward."
She paused and brought her gaze up to meet his face. But she took a step forward nonetheless.
Her eyes widened when Dr. Hatake leaned in to grab her by the back of her head with his left arm and her elbow with his right. The sudden contact was not something she was expecting so early in their session. But she always felt slightly on edge when he touched her. And not necessarily in a bad way.
"Bring your feet together. Closer." he breathed from above her, voice low and slightly raspy. "Yes that's right. Breathe deeply."
Her nostrils flared as she took in deep, slow breaths. His hold was gentle and she felt herself melting into it.
But suddenly he jerked her arm forward and brought his mouth to her ear.
"Sleep."
The reaction was instantaneous and Sakura felt herself sinking into what she knew was just the beginning of being pulled under. Deeper.
Yes, good girl. I've got you. Just relax and sink deeper. Deeper and deeper.
His voice was fading, but she knew he was with her. He promised.
Sakura stood in what looked like an abyss at first glance. Upon going under he promised that he would be with her every step of the way. Always making sure she trusted him fully. And she did. But this was something else altogether.
She didn't know how the hypnosis realm worked. He obviously would be able to hear everything she was saying. And if that were the case did she really want him listening in to something so intimate? Something she had been struggling with for years and years. And now she was just expected to carry out a conversation with her mother in front of him.
She held her breath as a scene began to unfold in front of her. Something she must have been thinking of subconsciously. Because before she knew it, she was in the living room of her house. Her mother sitting in the white armchair in front of the circular oak wood table. The piano against the far wall. She was flipping through a magazine and Sakura gulped, suddenly feeling hot and not knowing what to do with her hands so she began to fidget.
Do you see her?
Sakura's breath hitched upon hearing his voice from above her. "Yes."
I want you to go and sit next to her. Just sit. I want you to grow comfortable in her presence.
She did as he asked, moving slowly but towards the couch that the chair her mother was sitting in was next to. Her palms felt sweaty as she sunk down into the couch. Smoothing down her skirt, she looked up to her mom who peeled away from her magazine to flash her a small smile.
How do you feel now that you're next to her, Sakura?
"Nervous." she panted. Because it was true. Nerves racked her body as she just sat there.
Tell me why.
"I'm nervous she'll…I don't know. She'll point out everything that's wrong with me. How much of a disappointment I am."
She won't respond to you. Not if you don't want her to. Just tell her everything that needs to be said.
Sakura inhaled a deep breath and looked towards her mother.
And you're not a disappointment, Sakura. Not to me.
She felt a small tear roll down her cheek at the sentiment. No one–not any one person in her life made her feel like she mattered. Even in the smallest of ways. So to hear such words of affirmation from anyone, including him, had her on the verge of tears.
Sakura focused on her mother, thinking back to all of the times she made Sakura feel small, whether it was intentional or not. She never denied the lack of love her parents felt towards her. But often she questioned whether or not they were ashamed of her. Rather, how little she had accomplished in their eyes. And the very thought killed her to this day.
Go on, Sakura. I believe in you. And I'm here.
Sakura took a steeled breath and composed herself, racking her brain for all of the things she wished to tell her mother. Her mother's gaze remained plastered to the magazine she was reading. And in a way it helped, she supposed. If her mother had been looking at her directly, she wasn't sure she'd be able to carry out such an intimate conversation. She felt more comfortable with it remaining one-sided.
"Mom, I–" she began, feeling her bottom lip tremble and small tears falling down her cheeks. "There's something…something I've been wanting to talk to you about. To tell you. That I've been keeping inside for…well, for a really long time."
"The truth is that while I know I love you," she breathed, biting back tears as she did so, "I-I also resent you. I resent you for a lot of things."
Sakura's head hung low, hands clasped in her lap. She felt the tears running unchecked down her face. Unable to keep them in any longer. She resented her mother. With almost everything in her. And it hurt that she loved her almost as equally.
Keep going, Sakura. That's a great start. I'm here.
She could almost feel his embrace, even outside of this realm. Could feel his arms around her and her head resting on his shoulder as she seeked out comfort. The smell of his light but pleasant cologne temporarily filling her.
"I-I resent you for being ashamed of me. Ashamed of your own daughter. For not wanting to talk about me with your friends or our family because you knew I was failing. I resent you for making me feel worthless because of it. For being afraid to come to you with a bad grade because you'd chastise me instead of helping me. I resent you for getting unnecessarily angry. For projecting your anger onto me and scaring me shitless in the process."
Sakura took shuddering breaths, hands fervently picking and playing with themselves as she unleashed her heart to the stoic woman in front of her.
"And I want to forgive you, Mom," she sobbed out. "I want to so badly. But I don't know if I can."
Tears continued to flow down her face. Her eyes were puffy and red. Voice hiccuping with every breath. The woman before her remained emotionless as she blankly stared down at the magazine. Though she noticed a small tear run down her mother's cheek. One, singular tear.
Sakura shook her head, casting her gaze down to the ground. "I-I'm done. I can't anymore."
She focused in on the comfort of his embrace once more. Reveling in how safe she felt. How secure. How at peace.
Well done, were so brave, she heard him murmur into her hair.
Time to lift you out now. I'll give you to the count of three to rise out of trance before waking you completely. When I snap my fingers, you'll no longer be hypnotized.
Sakura nuzzled into his embrace as she listened to him speak. She had been put in and lifted out of trance so many times that it almost seemed like a reflex now.
Ready?
3...rising out of trance
2...ready to wake up feeling calm and collected
1...preparing to open your eyes
Snap
Sakura blinked out of the trance. The first thing she felt was the embrace of someone strong in front of her.
"Welcome back, Sakura." she heard his calm and soothing voice croon into her hair.
Dr. Hatake held on to her a little longer. Still cradling her head and making soothing strokes up and down her back. After a few moments he stepped back and grabbed her shoulders to look directly into her eyes.
"Good?"
She sniffled a few times and nodded her head. "I think so."
Sakura was avoiding his gaze, for reasons unknown. What she revealed was personal to her. Something she hadn't been keen on discussing since she had started her sessions with Dr. Hatake. And now in the span of a single session she revealed just what it was that created such a rift between her and her parents.
"How about we do something to wind down a bit?"
Furrowing her brow, she looked up at him in mild confusion. "What do you mean?"
Dr. Hatake shrugged. "Play a game, perhaps?"
"A game?"
He nodded his head and took a seat in his armchair. "Yes."
Sakura couldn't help the small smile that emerged on her lips. A game sounded nice. "Okay. What game?"
He paused for quite awhile. Staring at a spot passed her head. She fixed him with a curious glance and observed his uncovered eye as he continued to stare. "How about…truth or dare?"
Sakura shot him a surprised look. "Truth or dare?"
Dr. Hatake shrugged and smiled softly. "Sure. Could be fun."
Sakura couldn't help but contain her laugh, which Dr. Hatake shared. "Alright. Truth or dare. Why not?"
They both settled into their respective seats, Dr. Hatake crossing his leg over the other and clasping his hands together. "Ladies first."
Sakura smiled smugly. "Alright. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
Sakura worked her lips, only slightly disappointed that he hadn't chosen dare. But who ever did the first round? "What's your first name?"
Dr. Hatake tilted his head and furrowed his brow at her question. "You don't know?" he asked and she shook her head in response.
"Kakashi." he said with a smile and the corners of her mouth slowly upturned.
Kakashi…
"My turn." she heard him say and she lifted her gaze to him. "Truth or dare."
"Truth." she responded, a righteous look on her face.
"When is your birthday?"
"March 28th. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Do you have any siblings?"
"Nope. Just me. Truth or dare?"
Sakura chuckled slightly. "Fair enough." she searched her brain and searched his face, intent on throwing him off his game just a tad. "Dare."
She was happy to see the slight upturn of his lips, indicating the slightest hint of a smirk. Amusement playing on his face. "I dare you… " he looked about the room, eyes settling on his desk. "To take four of those mints on my desk and put them in your mouth."
Sakura shot him a look. "Joke's on you, I love mints." she responded righteously and lifted herself up from the couch. Sauntering over to his desk she grabbed four mints that lay in the small presentation dish. She ripped them open one by one and stuffed them in her mouth, walking back casually to the couch.
She remained as stoic as she could despite the burning in her mouth and smoothed down her skirt.
"Hold them there." he specified and she fought hard not to choke on the extra saliva building in her mouth. The way he said it was darker than it should have been, his gaze hovering on her lips. She gestured for the notepad on the table and he nodded his head, giving her permission. She wrote down Truth or Dare?
"Dare." he responded and she couldn't help but chuckle despite the mints still in her mouth. She wrote out,
Open the door to your office and howl like a wolf.
Dr. Hatake threw his head back and let out a short laugh. She was surprised by his lack of resistance as he promptly lifted himself from his chair. She watched eagerly as she began to chew on the mints, her eyes watering at the sudden rush of coldness in her mouth.
She watched intently as he opened the door, poking his head out and making sure no one was around. Her eyes widened and she suppressed a laugh as he let out a loud and long, " Aaaa- woooo!" into the hall.
As he swiftly closed the door behind him and made his way back to his seat she couldn't help but find herself clapping in glee.
"Looks like I need to step up my dares a notch, hm?" He said as he reclined back in his chair with a smug look on his face.
Sakura's eyes widened a bit, not expecting this development. But she steeled herself in order to face his challenge head on. She wouldn't lose. Not today.
"Truth or Dare?"
" Dare!"
"I dare you to drop a couple of ice cubes down your shirt."
"Ice cubes?"
"I have a few in my canteen, I think."
Sakura turned to his desk, noticing the canteen sitting by the corner. She bit her lip as she saw the condensation run down the sides of it and lifted herself from the armchair. She cleared her throat as she walked over, grabbing the canteen with her hands and twisting off the top of it to pick out the floating ice cubes. Bracing herself, she turned with her handful of ice cubes and used her other hand to pull at the front of her shirt.
Dr. Hatake's eyes widened and he reached out, "No, wait! I meant your back—"
But it was already too late. She dropped the cubes down the front of her shirt. The front of her white shirt that was slowly becoming wet with cold water from the ice. "O-oh!"
His eyes remained blown wide as her upper body tensed up. She was wearing a sheer bra and could feel her nipples hardening as a result of the cold rippling through her. It was then that she realized her shirt was becoming see through.
And the mistake she had made.
Sakura did her best to remain stoic as she sat back down on the couch. Stiff as a board. Avoiding his gaze. But desperate to know whether he was staring or not. She heard him shift in his seat and let out a stifled cough. "Um, maybe we should end it here. Get you into a dry shirt."
Sakura's gaze flitted to his. So he had noticed?
She bit her lip, meeting his dark gaze as he remained seated in his armchair. "But…it's my turn."
The look on his face didn't change. That same dark, almost challenging look he was fixing her with. And it only made her want to press further. To see just how much of this fascination she was making up in her head.
"Alright, Sakura." he replied in an impossibly low tone. One she had yet to hear from him. "Truth."
She couldn't help but bite her lip and nibble in thought as she smoothed down her skirt. If she were honest, she was hoping he had chosen dare. But those weren't the cards he presented her with. So she remained watching him carefully as he sat back in his chair, gaze unwavering and eyes penetrating. He brought his hand up to his mouth, brushing the backs of his fingers against his lips.
A soft sigh escaped her and her breath quickened. Nervous for what she was about to say. If it would land her trouble. If it would land him in trouble. Just as Ino had warned her. But she threw caution to the wind, finding no good reason not to press further.
"Do you," she began, licking her lips in anticipation and watching his gaze darken, "Do you want me to take my shirt off?"
His gaze broke from hers and fell to her shirt which was now obviously see-through. Dr. Hatake was being anything but subtle as his eyes traversed her almost bare chest. She could feel her nipples through her bra and her shirt. As well as his eyes practically burning through her.
But seated and stoic he remained. The back of his hand still covering his mouth. Though his eyes gave everything away. The want. The lust. Everything she had been left to question. She finally— finally saw him open his mouth when—
Knock Knock
Sakura could curse and hurl the end table next to her right at the door if she wanted to. And God, did she want to. The knock caused both of them to break out of their trance and angle their heads towards the sound. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought Dr. Hatake had the same inclination she had. Watching his fist open and close and his jaw clench. But he quickly recovered.
"Let's tell Ino you had a little spill, shall we?"
Sakura nodded her head as she lifted herself to a stand, ignoring the blatant cold breeze across her torso and abdomen. She did her best to avoid his stare too as he remained seated in his chair.
"Next time?" she murmured and he nodded his head.
"Next time."
Chapter 6: You Understand, Right?
Summary:
Sakura tries to deal with a new, but temporary change. Ino takes Sakura out to cheer her up.
"Next time?"
"Next time."
The soothing sound of his voice thrummed inside her as she sat in the cold chair of her new therapists office.
New.
Sakura thought she had suffered an aneurysm when Ino told her. And she supposed 'new' was a tad dramatic. She was being reassigned temporarily while Kakashi—sorry— took some time off. That was all of the information Ino had provided her.
So of course her anxiety addled mind jumped to all sorts of conclusions. All pointing to his leaving being her fault. That is wasn't simply a vacation or a 'sabbatical' of sorts. She had to keep back the bile that rose in her throat at the thought. And then the unsettling feeling of being so attached to someone. In an unhealthy and obsessive sort of way.
After drowning in her sorrows in the confines of her room for the better part of the day, as well as skipping out on all of the day's activities, she figured seeing a new shrink for awhile would probably do her some good. She didn't like to admit it, but something about the hypnosis sessions always seemed fishy to her. Despite how amazing she seemed to feel afterward. Though the last session was taxing, she overcame something huge and proved something greater.
But as her new shrink, Ebisu—something or other, began droning on asking her question after question, she couldn't help but start reverting back to her old way of thinking.
She missed Kakashi.
"So you were saying your relationship with your parents is strained?"
"Yes."
"And would you say that strain is the source of a lot of your anxiety and depression?"
"Mmhmm."
"And how does that make you feel?"
Sakura's eyes fought hard to roll to the back of her head as she swore she had been through this conversation with this insufferable man twice before. How he managed to get a job in this so-called prestigious institution was beyond her understanding. And she couldn't take another second of it.
Without a second thought Sakura shot from her seat, not even shooting the man who sat across from her a glance as she sprinted towards the door. "Hey, wait—" he called, turning in his seat, "We're not done yet."
"Yeah, well," Sakura shot back, turning the handle of the door, "I am."
Her room was her only escape. Even confined inside its four white walls, she never felt more safe. Lying on her back. Covers over her body. Staring at the ceiling.
She could be thinking about nothing. She could be thinking about everything. But she still could at least feel somewhat secure. It was a place she could truly be by herself. With the absence of everyone and anyone.
Knock Knock "Sakura?"
Sakura let out a long sigh and squeezed her eyes shut. She knew it was Ino. And if she were honest, if anyone were to interrupt her alone time she would hope it was Ino. So she leaped out of bed and straightened her hair as well as her clothing. She opened the door to find a blur shoving past her and entering her room.
"Ino wha—"
"No time. We need to hurry."
