Chapter 20
The following two days went by as quickly as a flash, even for a vampire. Bella had grown incredibly close with the majority of Denali Coven members in such a short amount of time, quickly wrapping them around her finger and charming them the same way she had done with the Cullens, all with the exception of Tanya. Despite being polite, there was an unmistakable amount of cynicism and aloofness that hung in the air between the two despite the constant chiding Tanya received from her family members. Bella had decided to ignore the issue for now and understood that it was only natural for her to feel offput. After all, she was part shifter and was new to the family; a point Bella had to reason with Alice a few times to prevent an altercation from occurring.
Kate had more or less secretly pulled Bella aside to apologize for Tanya's behavior after a particularly awkward moment when Tanya had made an unsavory comment when she walked into the guest bedroom to find Alice and Bella sharing a rather passionate kiss. During the conversation, Kate had informed Bella that Tanya had always been awfully interested in pursuing Edward despite his numerous declinations, and likely was not happy to know that Bella had so easily let him go when Tanya wanted him to the degree she did. Bella had explained that Edward had been the one to initially let go and allowed the following chain of events to take place, to which Kate had assured that no one thought less of her for it and promised that Tanya would likely come around in time.
Despite these minor awkward moments, Bella found herself surrounded by the rest of the family who wasted no time in showing how much she was loved by them, especially from Carmen. It was a tad overwhelming at first but graciously accepted. Bella had gone from living with a dysfunctional and rather selfish being of a mother to a wonderful father, but was robbed of developing much of a relationship. Despite being part of the Cullens, family life and acceptance still remained largely a foreign concept, one that was taking time to adjust to.
As Bella said her goodbyes to her newly extended family, she found herself feeling rather disappointed to be leaving so soon to return to Forks but at the same time was pleased to be going back to her drizzly forest instead of the snow-covered fields. She couldn't wait to go hunting in her own area again. She had found that Caribou had a distinct pungent flavor compared to that of deer and found that she did not enjoy the taste as much. Still, it had been better than the one bear she had encountered which nearly made her vomit from the sheer smell alone. Nonetheless, she had religiously kept on her hunting in between human meals jointly made by Carmen and Esme to ensure that there were no slip ups.
As the Cullens approached their house back in Forks, Bella swiftly got out of the car and breathed in the familiar scents that she had missed. She had missed the scent of rain and of vegetation, of warm dirt and of running streams. Bella continued to breathe in deeply savoring the scent with her eyes closed tightly. She finally opened her eyes only long enough to kiss Alice goodbye as she ran off with her family to hunt. She watched Alice depart before grabbing their bags and made her way up to their room.
Bella sat the belongings on the floor and opened her bedside table and pulled out of her phone, turning it on. While it was starting up, Bella began to unpack and put some clothes into the wash. Finally, she looked over at her phone and saw she had 12 missed calls, 15 unread texts from Emily, 9 from Sam, 5 from Seth and low and behold, 1 from Jake. Bella sighed in annoyance and erased the text messages without even reading a single one.
' I know I shouldn't punish them all for Jake's behavior but I just can't bear the thought of being around any of them. It would be impossible to be around them without thinking back to what happened with Jake. I can't help but think maybe I am better off just being with the Cullens. At one time the tribe were exactly what I needed but now… Maybe not so much.' Bella thought to herself with a grimace, suddenly feeling terrible for thinking such thoughts. She sighed loudly as the way Jake had acted and his text message brought back the remembrance of Edward's leaving to the front of her mind, along with the ghost of pain.
' I wish my shifter part of me would just go away for a while too.' Bella thought as her hand subconsciously ran over the now nonexistent scar. She knew that her shifter side was a permanent remembrance of Jake, the one should could never get rid of. No matter what, she was stuck with his blood in her, just as Alice's venom was. Despite her initial feelings, she knew that she could not just wish it away. Aurelius had warned her that she would need to find balance and she knew that it would not be possible if she attempted to push that side of herself away. This was fate after all, wasn't it?
Bella sat the phone back down after a few moments and exited the house and met up with Jasper who was surprisingly waiting outside of the house.
"What are you doing here, Jazz? Shouldn't you be with the family?" Bella asked as she sat down on the front steps of the porch.
"I'm not quite ready to hunt again. Besides, even though you are still showing immense control, it still isn't a good idea to leave you alone just yet. Alice had initially volunteered to stayed back but I had convinced her that it would be good for her to join the family. These family hunts are crucial for the family and aid to maintain a strong connection between them all. You'll see what I mean once you are able to join in." Jasper smiled as he playfully ruffled her hair, causing Bella to roll her eyes lightheartedly in response.
"So, happy to be home?" Jasper smiled as he wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulders, sitting next to her.
"Yeah, the snow is breathtaking and obviously I don't get cold but I much prefer it here. This area will always be home. I know we'll have to eventually leave but hopefully not soon. That's a huge reason why I have been trying so hard not to slip up. I'm not ready to leave." Bella responded as she stole a glance to gauge his reaction
Jasper was about to respond when he saw Bella visibly stiffen. Jasper's senses were suddenly overloaded with the foul stench of wetdog that belonged to the shifters, who were quickly making their way to the property. Bella's eyes widened and despite herself, her heart began to beat faster as she felt her muscles tremble as she fought back the instinctual urge to attack, her golden eyes instantly darkening.
"Bella, go on. Get out of here. Go hunt and calm yourself down." Jasper said quickly, his eyes not moving from the direction of the shifters.
" I thought you said I shouldn't be alone and what if Alice and the family come back but I'm not here? She'll flip!" Bella groaned.
"I know what I said but I think it would be better if you left and got away from them. You're too much of a newborn to be around them, and that's perfectly normal. I don't have the strength to fight my own desire to attack while helping to regulate your emotions, so this is really the safest bet. As for Alice, don't worry, I'll handle it" Jasper smiled and urged Bella to leave once more.
"Jazz…" Bella began but Jasper simply put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"Bella. I mean it. It's okay. You're okay. Now go." Jasper said a little more urgently, knowing that the window of opportunity for Bella to get away was closing slowly.
Bella nodded after just a second more of hesitation. She stole one last glance at Jasper, concern radiating off of her dark eyes before she went running off as fast as bullet in the complete opposite direction that the family had gone just a few moments prior.
Just mere seconds later, Sam and Emily appeared, both with tense and apprehensive expressions.
"Hello." Jasper said as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.
"Let's just cut to the chase here. We came to check on Bella. Let us see her." Sam said with a somewhat harsh tone.
" Her change was successful, I assure you. If that's what you're inquiring about." Jasper responded.
"That's not all we want to know. She has not responded to any of us. We need to see her, now." Sam all but growled out. Jasper felt his eyes begin to darken at the threating tone.
"I'm afraid you can't," Jasper responded with a tight tone as his body began to tense with anticipation.
"What do you mean, can't? Bella is just as much one of us as she is you. Everyone is worried sick. You have no right in trying to keep her from us." Sam growled as his body began to shake.
"I'm not sure why I have to even explain this to you of all people but she is now half newborn vampire and half shifter. While she has displayed extraordinary and quite frankly unheard of control since her change you still are our natural enemy. It would be impossible and rather painful I think for her to fight her vampire instincts right now. That's why I am saying no. Bella has gone through enough, don't you think?" Jasper found himself hissing back.
"Yeah, and all of this is happened because you abandoned her, because you personally tried to attack her! That attack caused Edward to leave and we all know what he had said to her when he left and the damage that it caused. If you're looking to point fingers, I suggest you look in the mirror, you leech. This is all your fault." Sam roared back. Jasper hissed at this comment as he did not need to be reminded of that fateful day of his weakness, the day that rewrote the future for both Alice and for Bella.
"Look, none of us know what Edward said and I think that whole ordeal is rather irrelevant at this point. I'm not trying to point fingers or place blame. I love Bella, she's my baby sister. I know how much my actions hurt her and I am devoted to spending the rest of my existence trying to make up for that. That is why I am saying no right now to you. I will not stand to see her endure any more pain." Jasper yelled back, trying desperately to reel in his emotions.
" What could you possibly understand about her pain? About her? She's my best friend, not yours, regardless of your claim to be her family! You can't possibly know her like I do!" Emily finally shouted, tears running freely down her face.
"I'm a fucking empath!" Jasper finally snapped uncharacteristically pushed to the use of foul language, " I feel all of her pain and emotions as if they are my own. I feel her wrestle with her doubts as she pushes aside what she wants time and time again for those she loves, choosing to suffer in silence rather than to disappoint. Bella gives everything and anything without being asked. I feel her pain that she internalizes, doing what everyone wants and expects from her, despite her own feelings and wants. Being changed is the only time besides her choosing to love Alice that I didn't feel her struggle. She almost died by choosing to follow what that mutt wanted above what she knew was right. She fought the urge to run to us and to her mate to save his life, almost at the cost of her own. So, don't you dare tell me that I don't understand her or that I don't know her. I may be the only person who truly does except for Alice. You only know as much as she chooses to show." Jasper paused as he took in an unnecessary deep breath, "Listen, none of us are keeping Bella from you. She isn't some material item that we can claim a stake on. She is her own person complete with free will. At any point she could even leave the Coven if she wanted to. That being said, I assure you she will be in contact if and when she is ready, until then please refrain from coming to see her. She needs both time and space and I will fight to ensure she has that option, no matter the cost." Jasper hissed, feeling his venom pool in his mouth and his eyes become dark as night.
It was at this very moment that the rest of the Cullens returned. Alice's concerned gaze shot to Jasper's eyes, seeing them in all their darkened glory. She had only seen him this far gone a few times and it had never ended well. She then looked at Emily as she smelt the tears lingering in the air, and was met with a pained expression but no words. Alice opened her mouth to try and comfort the person she had once tentatively considered to be a friend but no words could form.
"What's going on here?" Carlisle asked, his normal calm demeanor slightly shaken at the sight before him.
"Nothing, we're just having a conversation. They were just leaving" Jasper spoke, his voice wavering ever so lightly.
"Fine, but when you see her again do everyone a favor and remind her of who was there for her when none of you weren't" Sam replied curtly and turned away with Emily following, sniffing back tears.
"Jazz, what on earth was all that about? And where is Bella?" Alice asked with wide eyes a few moments later, after Sam and Emily were no longer within eyesight.
"Not here." Jasper replied his tone strained and his eyes shut tightly.
"What do you mean not here? Where the hell is she? Damnit Jasper, what did you do? I trusted you with her! I can't believe this." Alice hissed in frustration as she looked around frantically for her mate.
"Alice, not now." Jasper warned as he clenched his jaw tightly.
"Jasper, you just put the treaty at risk. I'd hate to think of what would have happened had we not arrived when we did. Alice is right, we need to know where Bella is. She shouldn't have gone off on her own as a newborn and we all deserve some sort of explanation from you, son" Carlisle murmured. All of the family turned to look at Jasper who had his fists clenched so tightly they were beginning to crack.
"I said not now, god damnit!" Jasper forced out before running off in the direction that Bella had gone. He heard Alice calling his name but he did not slow down. He needed to get to Bella. He knew Carlisle was right and he needed to know that she was okay and more importantly, he needed to get the Major back under lock and key.
Jasper followed her scent deep into the forest, and found her sitting on the ground, leaning against a nearby tree, her head resting on her knees that she had brought up to her chest.
"Bella!" Jasper yelled and couldn't stop himself from running forward and dropping on his knees, taking Bella into his arms as he skidded to a stop. Bella sighed and nuzzled into the crook of his beck, breathing in and out as he sent wave after wave of comfort to her.
"Shhhh, it's okay. I'm here. I have you" Jasper murmured as she felt Bella's heartbeat begin to slow.
"Is it… is it okay now?" Bella finally asked, her eyes shooting up to Jasper's as she pulled back.
"It was only Sam and Emily. They will stay away until you're ready to see them, if you ever are. You're not under any obligations and I made sure that point was received." Jasper nodded as he ran a comforting hand up and down Bella's arm.
"Jazz, your eyes! You're in pain. I am so sorry. I have been trying to avoid this." Bella murmured as she looked deep into his dark orbs.
"I'm okay, really. Things just got really heated for a moment. The family got back just before I could have attacked Sam" Jasper admitted with a slight grimace.
"I am so sorry for putting you through that. Everyone must be furious at you when it's me they should be mad at. I shouldn't have left you to fight my battle." Bella sighed.
"Bella, look at me please." Jasper paused as Bella looked up to meet his steady gaze, "You are correct. They are all very upset and perhaps disappointed with me, Alice the most of all. But I'll shoulder that if it means giving you more time to deal with it all. Time has always played an integral part in taking care of broken hearts and healing wounds and I will do whatever I can to make sure you get the time that you need." Jasper replied honestly and smiled as Bella crashed back into him, hugging him tightly.
"I'll never be able to thank you enough for all of this. Seriously, you have no idea how grateful I am. I can't help but feel as if Edward was right after all. Maybe I'm just no good for any of you." Bella sighed as she pulled back.
"Bella… what exactly did Edward say to you before we all left? Please I need to know and you can't keep holding this in. I believe it's hindering your ability to move on from Jake." Jasper asked after a few moments. Bella felt her eyes glaze over, effectively looking past Jasper and straight into the past. Taking in a deep breath, she mentally prepared herself to go down a memory lane that she had done everything to forget.
" You just don't belong in my world, Bella."
" I belong with you."
"No, you don't."
"I'm coming."
"Bella. I don't want you to come."
"You don't want me?"
"No."
"This changes things alright."
"But if it's not too much to ask...can you at least promise me something? Don't do anything reckless. For Charlie's sake. And I'll promise something to you in return. This is the last time you'll ever see me. I won't come back. And you can go on with your life... without any interference from me. It will be like… I never existed. I promise."
"If this is about my soul, take it. I don't want it without you."
"It's not about your soul. You're just not good for me."
"I'm not good enough for you?"
" I'm just sorry, I let this go on for so long."
"Please... don't."
"Goodbye."
Bella's thundering heartbeat was the only thing that could be heard as Bella blinked a few times, effectively bringing her back to the present. She nibbled on her bottom lip as she tried to read Jasper's expression and reaction. She had finally revealed the exact conversation that had been shared that fateful day, the day when the world as she knew it changed forever. The day she threw all of the items from them away albeit her bracelet from Alice. The day she had forced herself to give up the desire of the possible future she had found herself desperately wanting more than anything else. The day she had given up hope of ever belonging to a complete family. The day that had started her healing process and transformation to the person she was today, humanly flawed but stitched together with nothing but the purest of intentions.
Jasper had not moved or been able to speak. Edward had told everyone that Bella had to be separated for her own good, for the sake of her own happiness. But he had spun it so differently to Bella, playing it off like she was just a pet, a plaything that had no longer been wanted and had been tossed aside like garbage, as if her mere presence was nothing but a nuisance.
"Bella, I swear not one of us knew all that he said to you. Alice never even saw the conversation. The whole discussion must have been a snap decision and he played through the holes in her visions. If we had of known…" Jasper began but was interrupted by Bella.
"Don't worry about it, Jazz. It's water under the bridge now" Bella sighed.
"Bella, all of this is because of me. If I would have had better control the night of your birthday, Edward wouldn't have been able to pull the stunt he did. You never would have gone through the pain of losing us…" Jasper began but was once more cut off by Bella as she took his hands into her own.
" If Edward wouldn't have made that decision, my future wouldn't have changed. Alice wouldn't have had the vision and wouldn't have come to understand her feelings for me. I'd likely still be stuck in a loveless and slightly abusive relationship, unchanged and living a life of false happiness. Jazz, the pain I had to go through, it made me open my eyes. The pain helped to create this new and much better future. It was worth it in the end. " Bella said softly, causing the guilt that Jasper had been holding in start to disappear.
"Do you mean all of that?" Jasper asked with a furrowed eyebrow.
"You can feel my emotions. You tell me." Bella lightly joked but then became serious, "Jasper, I never blamed you. I forgave you months ago, without you even needing to ask for it. I am so happy to have you now as a brother and as a best friend and I am looking forward to our bond growing."
Jasper and Bella embraced each other in a brotherly and sisterly embrace. Jasper, beyond elated to get that off his chest was much calmer than he had been in months, he finally felt free despite knowing that he was now going to have to work on repairing the trust between him and his family, especially with Alice.
The two stayed in this fashion for what seemed like hours, separating just as Alice rushed into the clearing, her concerned gaze locked onto Jasper's eyes that had reverted back to topaz. The rest of the family showed up just a few seconds later. Esme sighed in relief seeing Jasper in a much more tranquil state. Alice shot a hard glance at Jasper before pushing past him and quickly running her fingertips down Bella's face, her troubled eyes checking over her mate.
"Okay, can we finally talk about what happened?" Rosalie asked clearly confused.
"Sam and Emily showed up, demanding to see Bella. I refused. She's still a newborn and I didn't want to risk her being in pain being that close to them. Given the events that took place, Bella needed to go hunt to calm herself down, so I told her to go. I know that she shouldn't have gone alone but I figured it would be better for her to be gone than to try and fight her obvious controversial instinctual reaction to their mere presence. I had to make a judgement call and I did." Jasper shrugged.
"Well, I thank you for looking out for Bella but that doesn't explain why you almost attacked them. I know that you are the newest to this lifestyle apart from Bella but that does not excuse this type of behavior on your end. I know I taught you better than this." Carlisle pointed out.
" You're absolutely correct. We just got into a rather heated debate about me saying no. They thought we had been holding her hostage and now allowing her to be around them. I didn't care for the way they all selfishly pushed the issue. I told them how much it would hurt Bella, and they didn't care. And that infuriated me. Everyone is always asking things from Bella without a second thought and she always gives them whatever it is, no matter how much she doesn't want to. I am sorry for putting the family and the treaty at risk but someone needed to put Bella's needs first for once," Jasper paused as he looked over to Bella who was currently wrapped up in Alice's arms, "Ultimately and tactlessly my emotions got the best of me and I had to take off. In the process of getting myself under lock and key, I just happened to stumble into Bella. She was able to talk to me and calm me down. I wouldn't be surprised if she was an empath herself in a prior life."
Bella nervously cleared her throat as her family looked over to her intently, almost to verify if the information was true before she nodded in confirmation.
"What's done is done. All we can now do is move forward and work on fixing all that needs correcting. One day this will just be nothing but a lesson learned." Esme said in a soft voice as her motherly instinct was taking in the sight of both Bella and Jasper, "For the time being, I think it will be best that we schedule meetings at the boundary line on our own designated land until things calm down." Esme sighed, her sharp ears hearing the slightest sigh of relief come from Bella, gone unnoticed to everyone but her. Her maternal instinct had automatically picked up on it and she knew then that she had been correct in her initial assumptions that there was indeed more to the story than either was letting on.
"We should head home, personally I could use a nap" Bella finally said as she broke the silence and the family nodded. Bella shot a thankful glance at Jasper who felt her gratitude. He nodded briefly before running back towards the house with the rest of the family.
Alice and Bella made it into their room and Bella wasted no time and dove face first into the pillows, causing Alice to laugh merrily.
"You comfy there?" Alice laughed as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Yes, thank you for asking" Bella joked back, her sarcastic voice muffled by the thick fluffy pillows.
Alice moved up the bed and finally lay next to Bella all the while playing with her hands nervously.
"Bella, given the unfortunate series of events that took place today… I hate to say this but perhaps we should postpone the wedding." Alice finally stated, unable to hide her disappointment in her tone.
Bella sat up abruptly and her concerned gaze locked onto Alice, seeing the unmistakable indication of sadness swirling in her eyes.
"That's crazy, no! The invites are ready to go out, you've got everything booked and planned. Why would we postpone it, especially if just the thought alone of it is enough to make you this out of sorts…" Bella questioned, as she hurriedly took Alice's anxiously shaking hands into her own.
"Given the current situation we wouldn't be able to invite Sam, Emily or Jake and I know how much they mean to you. I can wait a little longer if it means you'll be happy. This wedding isn't just about me" Alice replied with an exhale.
"You are right. This wedding is about you and I. No one else. I would be happy to say our vows with just our immediate family present. I don't care who is there so long as you're the one I seal my future with. Nothing else matters, only you and me." Bella said as she placed gentle kisses on Alice's fingertips.
"Oh, my sweet Bella…." Alice paused as she felt Bella's love pour out from the action, "Are you completely positive?"
"Only as positive as my love and complete devotion to you" Bella murmured and pulled Alice on top of her as Bella laid back down with a sigh.
"What is it, love?" Alice asked as she curled on Bella, running her fingers against Bella's stomach in light circles.
" Everything just feels like we're stuck in a state of total disarray. So much has happened that I feel is completely and utterly unnecessary. I just want to run away with you by my side and let everything else fade away. I know that sounds immature but I just need a break." Bella sighed.
" I know, trust me. What I wouldn't give to go back to just two weeks ago when nothing else mattered except what was happening between your soul and mine as we lay here in bed reconstituting our love for each other over and over again. But it'll get better in time and that's one thing we have an ample amount of. I am sorry though, I know your heightened emotions are making it that much difficult to get through. I can only imagine what you must be feeling." Alice said in gentle tone.
Bella didn't respond but nodded as she closed her eyes, allowing her mind unwind and finally allowing herself fall into a deep sleep. She knew that Alice spoke the truth. One day everything would be okay, she just hoped that she would reach that day with Alice and her family still by her side.
