Chapter 23


Bella forced her legs to move forward against her will, struggling against the overwhelming the desire to bolt as she made her way into the kitchen, next to where her family was intently waiting in the living room. Bella felt her stomach flip in uneasiness. Desperate to try and calm her stomach and to get the foul taste of venom in her mouth, she opened the fridge and pulled out a can of ginger ale and took a few sips with a light sigh in relief as she began to feel better. She finally moved to the living room and sat down on the loveseat next to Alice as she placed the soda on the side table. Alice automatically intertwined her fingers with Bella's. Her eyes glanced over to Alice as she smiled.

"I'm not sure exactly what to say here" Bella finally said, " I am sorry for making you all worry and for letting my emotions get the best of me. I've been fighting so hard to prevent this from happening, but I can't say that I'm sorry for what I learned during that fight."

"Bella, there is no need to apologize. As a newborn, your emotions are bound to get out of whack for some time. To be honest, I'm surprised that you held it together for so long given your history with Jacob. I just wish you had of told me this sooner, I feel like I could have helped out more. Everything finally makes sense. Why didn't you?" Alice asked with a tilt of her head.

" I was going to but the timing was always off. I didn't want you to flip out, and then the date for the wedding got closer and then there was no such thing as a good time. Jasper had a hard enough time not losing his mind when I told him what happened. I didn't want you to have to fight your whole mate protection instinct thing. I thought I was making the right decision to keep you happy and safe but now, now I just don't know. All of this is just so…Stupid" Bella sighed as she shook her head, obviously not able to find a better word.

"Go on please" Alice urged with a gentle and encouraging smile. She knew just how her Bella got when she was like this and she was determined to make sure that Bella felt safe and comfortable enough to finally let it all go. This was the very least she could do as her mate.

"I should be better at this. I should have more control. I mean here I was worried about your control when I should have been worried about mine. I tried to remember everything that you all have taught and shown me. I should have been the bigger person but I wasn't. I don't mean to mean to keep hurting this family" Bella sighed as she pulled her hand from Alice's to run it through her hair.

"Bella, you are far too hard on yourself. Given the circumstances, you displayed a remarkable amount of control. In no way could we be disappointed in you. I believe that all of us, myself included would not have been able to remain as collected as you did when you were threatened. You simply acted on your natural instinct." Carlisle said in a soft voice.

Bella sat in silence for a few moments before looking at Alice.

"How did you know where I was? I called in the hopes that someone would answer because I thought you couldn't see past the shifters?" Bella asked with a raised eyebrow, as Alice bit down on her lip nervously.

"First of all, I want you to know that it wasn't because I didn't trust you. I know you said you wanted to try and handle it yourself first, so I tried not to get involved but I was just scared. I have never seen you act that way before. I still don't fully understand what happened to cause it. But I had to know you were safe. I focused on you as hard as I could and was able to finally receive a vision. Or pieces of one I should say. I could see you stop at the bar. I saw you go in but then it was just sporadic flashes like puzzle pieces out of order with no context. Elijah gave you a thankful smile. There was a shot glass filled with I assume to be tequila. The back of the bar came into view with nervous looks from the people nearby. A flash of green then came into view almost as if you were running through the forest. Then suddenly the vision transformed into that of an airport lobby. Your left hand was holding a ticket. That's when we got your call and we called Sam. I had to know where you were going. When we got to the bar I went inside and Elijah said you were out back dealing with Jake. We followed your scent to the woods where we eventually found you."

Bella blinked a couple of times deep in thought.

" I don't understand. I had no intention of going anywhere. I don't know why you saw me at the airport." Bella said honestly. Alice looked deep into her eyes and saw how true that statement was. She had no reason to doubt Bella, especially when she could now easily read her expressions.

Bella closed her eyes in thought once more before letting out a frustrated sigh as a realization dawned on her.

' Of course Alice saw bits and pieces of a vision. She must have seen my subconscious thought of going to the Volturi when I learned about the risk of exposure.' Bella groaned again. She knew she could never have actually followed through in this thought but was beginning to better understand Edward's reasoning for leaving. 'How could I be so selfish? Family or not, they have no idea the sheer amount of danger they are in by simply be associated to me. I'm so sick of being the weak link of this family.' Bella finished as she began to focus on her last conversation with Aurelius and Taha.

"Bella, why do you feel such large amounts of guilt? We keep telling you that you have done nothing wrong and I assure you, no one is lying. Help me, well, us to understand." Jasper said gently, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on her knee while Alice absentmindedly played with Bella's hair ever so patiently waiting a response.

" I think I know" Rosalie finally sighed as she raised her golden orbs to lock onto Bella's widening eyes, ignoring the looks from her family, especially the slightly hardening look of Alice.


"You may recall how cool and distant I was with you when you first became a part of our lives. I told you I had been envious because you had everything I wanted and were planning on throwing it all away. But that was only part of it. I don't have a special ability and I'm one of the weakest of the family because of it but I desperately want to protect them, no matter the cost. That is why I didn't even think twice before nearly sacrificing myself for you." Rosalie paused as she allowed Bella a few moments to absorb what she was saying, " I've been wracking my brain trying to piece it all together. I think back to our trip to see the Denali coven and your first question once we all learned of your gift. You asked if you could develop it, which meant you felt the need to know if you could expand it to protect not just you but others as well. I didn't know why you asked but it was clear to me at that moment you protecting the family obviously had become more important to you than ever." Rosalie smiled lightly in triumph as she heard Bella's heart begin to beat faster. She could not be as patient as Alice was in getting her to release information and needed to know what threat was going to present itself that had Bella so anxious, and to hell with how she had to do it.

" Rosalie..." Alice sighed in irritation as she too heard her mate's heartrate increase and was growing concerned.

"I have a point to make here, Alice. Chill. No one is hurting her." Rosalie stopped as she looked back to Bella's gaze, "Your control is simply extraordinary. Nothing has made you loose control like this to date. So, I thought about what could have happened. Something must have threatened the family and your mate. Something that caused you instant panic. Then I found out you were going after Jake at a bar no less. Suddenly the pieces came together. Young shifter plus alcohol usually equals a loss of inhabitations or perhaps a soft tongue," Rosalie paused as she took in Alice's eyes before she looked back into Bella's, "Based off of your reaction and all of this information, I finally came to the conclusion I have been searching for. Your reaction logically can only mean one of two things. Either A, he tried to push himself on you which interfered with your mating bond or B, he risked exposure and put us all at risk. So, the question is, which was it?"

Bella blinked a few times rapidly her eyebrows furrowing in thought before anxiously putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Bella bit down on her lower lip hard. She reopened her eyes and took in the steady, concerned and darkening gaze of her mate.

"Bella?" Alice asked through a strained voice growing concerned. She wasn't sure which of the options she was hoping more it would be. Certainly the threat of exposure was a great concern, but just the thought of him trying to put another wedge between her and her mate was just slightly too much to stomach.

"Fine. It had to do with exposure. Elijah called and told me that Jake was out of sorts and beyond shitfaced. He made mention that Jake was talking about vampires and werewolves freely to a more or less full bar" Bella finally admitted, " When I found out about what was happening I just… Lost it. With everything going on track before the wedding, the last thing we needed to deal with was to deal with was the threat of exposure."

"Bella, do you know the full risk of exposure? And if so, care to explain how? I don't believe this was ever truly discussed with you" Carlisle asked in a calm voice.

Bella groaned again this time very audibly, leaning her head back against the couch and closing her eyes tightly as her emotions began to get the best of her once more. The memories of her altercation with Jake moved forward to the front of her mind and she once more tasted the bitter taste of venom in her mouth and quickly swallowed and grimaced with the burn. Alice smelled the unique smell of Bella's venom and quickly pushed aside her feelings on the conversation and focused on relaxing Bella by playing with her hair.

Bella felt herself relax under Alice's touch and her relaxed mind moved back to her conversation that had taken place during her transformation. Bella thought about how she would answer this question from Carlisle, her fingers drumming against Alice's knee in thought.

Finally, Bella opened her eyes and visibly jumped as she saw Aurelius clear as day standing behind Carlisle across the room.

"Bella?" Alice asked in confusion not understanding Bella's reaction or the reason why her eyes were so glazed over.

Bella wildly looked from Aurelius to the family and back before aggressively rubbing her eyes and reopening them to find him now moving past the family to kneel on one knee in front of her.

"Oh, god. I'm losing it, aren't I? Can that even happen to vampires, can we go insane?" Bella asked out loud causing the Cullens to look at her in confusion and concern, causing Aurelius to chuckle.

"Considering they cannot see me as I am only visible through your subconscious, it may appear so to them. But no, Isabella. It's going to be okay. The reason why you see me is because you're getting stronger and therefore so is our connection. I will be visible to you in this state and Taha will be in your shifter form. This is how we can guide and train you" Aurelius clarified.

Bella let out a nervous chuckle before taking in a deep breath.

"I'm scared. I don't think I can do this." Bella finally admitted as she motioned to the family, causing Aurelius to look at Bella with a soft and understanding smile.

" Isabella, please relax. It's time you trust them, I assure you that we can only do so much. You will need their support. Let them in. Here, take some of my strength" Aurelius said gently and Bella felt a cold breeze flow through her like a river. The action did not go unnoticed by Alice who gasped as she felt Bella's body temperature drop significantly for just a fleeting moment before returning to normal.


Bella groaned in pain as her mind was pushed back to the present world. She brought up her hand to her forehead trying to ease the headache that was coming on.

"Bells, what in the shit was that? You don't have a secret gift of seeing visions too, do you?" Emmett asked as he watched Bella's eyes become less glassy.

"God, I wish it was that simple." Bella sighed as she blinked a few times all the while rubbing her temple with her index fingers.

"Okay, I'm just gonna be the dick here and ask. Why are you keeping secrets from us? Family shouldn't do that to one another. Don't you trust us?" Emmett pressed again unable to hide the hurt from his tone.

"Emmett, can you not? This isn't good for her control. She's already emotionally charged. This combative conversation is hardly helpful" Jasper said with a light snap before looking back at Bella as he felt her emotions begin to climb once more.

Bella was silent for a few moments before looking down at the ground.

"This has nothing to do with trust. I don't think you'd understand." Bella said in a defeated tone.

"Try me" Emmett responded, clearly not backing down.

"She doesn't need to answer you. If she isn't ready to have this conversation, we should respect that and her." Alice snapped at Emmett, who rolled his eyes.

"I think she actually does. Emmett is merely asking the question that we are all thinking but won't ask. We all could use some clarity." Carlisle murmured.

" Would you all just stop?" Bella interrupted as she crossed her arms tightly against her chest, " Look. I've done nothing but make a mess out of your lives starting with James to even now. I finally thought that I could do something, anything to not let that happen again but I can't control this. I've fought it since during my transformation and I can't anymore. I was going to wait until after the wedding to bring this up but unfortunately this whole ordeal with Jake has made that impossible." Bella sighed as she played with her engagement ring.

"Bella, my darling. Will you please let us in? I can tell you're hurting and we as a family can help but can only do so if you let us and I assure, that is what we are here for." Esme soothed, her motherly gaze locked on her youngest daughter who clearly had put up walls that needed to come down.

Bella looked up at Esme and suddenly felt like a small child who desperately wanted and needed someone to say that it would all be okay. Esme's words seemed to reach her, who nodded after a few moments.

"I'm not going to let you go this easily. Whatever is wrong, we'll tackle it. You and I, together. You can try and push me away all you want but I'm not leaving because I know you need and want me as much as I need you. I love you. Nothing could ever change that, I promise." Alice reassured gently, pressing a kiss on Bella's cheek.


Too much time had apparently gone by and Rosalie's desperation to know all the factors that could possibly be creating a threat to her family finally overcame her ability to be patient.

"So, are we going to actually address anything or continue with this pointless and redundant conversation?" Rosalie finally snapped, causing Bella to flinch.

"Rose, there's no need to be so rude. We raised you better than this." Esme chided as her eyes snapped to Rosalie's and back to Emmett's, watching as his gaze began to soften as he looked onto a very vulnerable Bella who was shaking like a leaf, clearly instantly regretting his previous comments.

"Well, I'm sorry but I don't get it. You say you don't want to hurt the family but that's exactly what you are doing. Can't you see, feel Alice's pain? I thought you loved her. I thought you were different but you're turning out to be the same selfish person that you were as a human and we, I mean she, deserves better." Rosalie snapped back, causing Bella to recoil again and clench her fists together.

"Rosalie Hale, that is more than enough." Alice growled as her darkening eyes shot to Rosalie, not very happy with how the family was choosing to speak and address this issue with her mate. Rosalie looked instantly ashamed of herself after the words had left her mouth.

Something about the words that had just come out of her mouth caused a part of Bella that she had reigned in since agreeing to become a part of the family again to awaken. A side of her that had been created after they left her. A side that they had not seen and that only Alice had seen the very surface of. The side she had created when Edward had forced her to be a human.

" How dare you sit there and judge me or my actions. You have no idea what you're talking about or what I'm going through. You understand absolutely nothing! I thought we had moved on from our past issues but clearly not. I can't believe I ever allowed you to make me believe that there was such a thing as an unconditionally loving and functioning family." Bella huffed as she quickly stood up causing Jasper to reach out and grab her wrist. Bella automatically turned at him with a strong and never seen before fire blazing in her dark gold eyes.

"Get your fucking hand off of me, now." Bella said in a strained tone, causing Jasper to quickly let go, looking at Alice with wide eyes.

"Bella, I know today has been an emotionally draining day for you and this whole issue with the family isn't helping but I think if you just tell us what's going on, you'll feel better. Remember our conversation when you first turned? Bottling things up is not good. It's too much on your system and that's okay. You aren't weak for struggling to deal with this." Jasper tried to soothe but he could feel the pain and now lack of trust that Bella was feeling. Intentional or not, Rosalie had successfully landed a significant blow to Bella's trust with the family with whatever she was feeling, and whatever progress had been made was now lost.

"Talk to you? Fuck that. I now understand just how stupid I have been. I was right to not trust you, any of you. I never should have fought my instincts, even if it was for my imprint's best interest." Bella paused as she shook her head, " Look, I can't do this. My neck hurts like a bitch and I'm not sticking around for any more of this simply wonderful family bonding time. I'm going hunting and it would be in your best interest to not follow. I'll check in a few days or whatever." Bella said in a rather sharp tone as she moved to the door.

"Bella, come now. Please. Don't be like this. Let me explain" Rose said in a soft yet almost pleading voice. So concerned with the large picture she had not considered the possible outcome of her actions and how it would impact her relationship with her newest sister, the one who she had a fragile at best relationship with.

"Why let you down? I'm just living up to your expectations of me. I'm only doing what a selfish person would do, which is obviously what I'm best at, isn't that right?" Bella said with a venom laced tone.

Rosalie's eyes began to pool with venom but did not reply or react. None of the family did except Alice who shook her in disappointment as Bella walked outside, closing the door behind her rather harshly.

"Smooth, Rose. Very smooth" Jasper sighed in annoyance as he felt Bella's presence quickly fade.

"I think Rosalie did what had to be done." Emmett tried to defend his mate but was silenced as Alice let out a low hiss.

"You all just don't understand her at all, do you? She's hurt right now because she selflessly tried to protect us, to protect me and had to sever a significant bond in the process. She constantly if not always puts everyone else above herself. If she is choosing to be selective about how she shares that information, we should trust her. I don't know how much damage was just done but I'm going after her. I don't know when she will be ready to come back but I'll keep everyone posted, assuming she will even see me." Alice paused as she shot a hard look at Rosalie, "And I swear on my existence, if you ever speak to my mate like that again, you and I will be through. Forever."

With that, Alice left the house and began to follow Bella's scent. She knew that no matter what, Bella wouldn't refuse to be around her. She knew her mate was hurting and if it was going to take her to be away from the family to help, so be it. Bella would always be her priority, and she would always choose Bella over everyone and anything else.


It didn't take long before Alice ran past a couple drained deer and knew that she had to be close as Bella's scent grew stronger. Alice came to an abrupt halt as her eyes were overcome with a vision that would have shattered her heart if it were still beating. Bella, sat on her knees in front of Charlie's headstone, her forehead resting against the stone as cries escaped from her body, her lips calling out for her. Alice knew this should be a private and personal moment but she could not bear the thought of Bella being alone during a time like this, even though it was possible that she was not wanted. Though she could see that Bella had called out for her, her decision could change at any time.

Alice went close to the cemetery and remained at a distance, far enough to allow for some privacy but close enough to hear for if and when Bella made it clear she was ready to be near her. Alice watched with curious and concerned eyes as Bella fell to her knees in front of the headstone of her father, just as her vision had shown her.

Bella sat in silence for a few moments before placing her hand on the smooth granite tombstone.

"I'm sorry that it took so long to visit, Dad. I wasn't trying to avoid you and I certainly haven't forgotten about you either. I've just been busy but I know you won't hold it against me." Bella paused as she let out a small smile, " I'm engaged you know, to Alice. I figured you would approve as she always was your favorite. She's good for me. Really good. She's helping me to become the best version of myself possible. She's been filling every crack and every past wound with love and understanding, healing me from the inside out. I swear, she makes me feel like no one ever has. She's helped me to become stronger, more patient with myself, more sensible. She's stuck through so much, Dad. She helped me get through loosing you. She gave me the strength to end the toxic relationship with Renee. She's helped me to accept her family and I assure you; I am loved by them, more than I thought was possible, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Logically, I know I couldn't have asked for a better family to take me in, you know, with you gone but… that's the problem, you know?" Bella paused as she felt the tears build up in her eyes. So engrossed in her current mental state, she did not sense a pair of golden eyes watching nearby, listening intently.

" Alice and the whole family have done so much. They deserve better than this from me. But I just can't help it. They think they're helping but they aren't. I…I lost control today, Dad. I don't know how it happened but I- I completely lost who I was and I haven't been able to get it back in check. I thought I had gotten stronger but I feel as weak as I did back when they all left. I promised myself that I would never let myself get into that dark place again but it happened and I don't know how to get out of it this time. I've lost who I am and I don't understand why but my heart just isn't allowing me to let them in fully. I guess it's because I know what's going to happen in a few months." Bella paused as she took a few steadying deep breaths.

"You see, Jake was right. Your death is my fault. I should have told you the truth about the Cullens, Jake, all of it just so you could have been safer, more informed. Victoria went after you to get back at me for her mate being killed. Loosing you was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through and the thought of putting my family at risk… I can't lose any of them, Dad. They're in incredible danger being with me and yet… I don't have it in me to leave. I can't. I'm not as strong as Edward was, apparently and I don't know what to do. Please, I am begging you, tell me what to do. It's not fair that you were stolen from me when you are so desperately needed here." Bella cried out as tears began to flood down her face and onto the ground, her eyes shut once more in pain. Overcome with emotions, her venom once more pooled and dripped down the corners of her mouth.

"Not again…" Bella groaned outload as her body shook harder, " Alice… god, anyone. Please. Help"


Bella did not have to wait long. In just a matter of seconds, she felt a pair of gentle hands grip her shoulders, causing her to lift her onyx eyes to meet the concerned gaze of her imprint. Bella blinked a few times before the pain of pushing against her emotions became too much and Bella fell into Alice's waiting embrace. Alice held Bella as she sobbed into Alice's neck as many months worth of emotional strain poured out.

"Oh, Bella. My sweet Bella. Let it out." Alice soothed as Bella clung on for dear life, sobs wracking her body.

"I-I'm so sorry" Bella said through shaky breaths trying to calm herself down. Bella eventually pulled back and Alice watched as her eyes began to revert from black back to topaz.

"Listen, I know what Rosalie did was wrong. I know it hurt you deeply, but please. Don't let me be the one you push out with these walls." Alice said in a soft voice as the two left he cemetery and walked throughout the forest.

Bella let out a sigh and leaned against a nearby tree, crossing her arms.

"I really didn't want to bring this up so close to the wedding" Bella began but was interrupted by Alice.

" God, Bella. To hell with the wedding! None of that matters more to me than you and whatever is going on in your head. I've always been the one to make sense of the mess of your thoughts. Nothing has changed." Alice said as she wrapped her arms tightly around Bella, nuzzling her face into the crook of her warm neck.

" Alice.. I know you'll be upset but I didn't make mention of this mostly because I've been trying to figure it all out myself, not because I was trying to keep you in the dark. You always say the future can change and I hoped that this time it would but it hasn't yet and I'm pretty sure at this point that it won't." Bella sighing as she rested her chin on the top of Alice's head.

"I haven't received any visions of anything so I'm rather in the dark right now, love" Alice thought out loud, frowning lightly as she felt Bella's heartrate increase.

"I'd almost prefer to wait and tell you all this at the same time so I don't have to do it twice but I'm not ready to go back. I need a few days." Bella murmured as she breathed in Alice's scent deeply," But I know that wouldn't be fair to you. The reason why you haven't received any visions is because the decision hasn't been made yet but I know you will the moment it's made. I just hope they don't get wind of what Jake pulled today and make the decision ahead of time" Bella mused more to herself than to anyone else.

"Who, love?" Alice asked quietly, having a strong gut feeling but hopeful that she was wrong.

"Alice, listen... one day in the near future, the Volturi are going to learn about my existence and when they do," Bella paused as she swallowed harshly, " They will come for me."

Alice let out a sigh, her fears suddenly becoming solidified. She now understood it all, all the way from Bella's feelings to her actions. Alice nibbled on her bottom lip as she pulled back to make eye contact with Bella, who was anxiously awaiting a response.

The moment of almost unbearable silence continued as Alice allowed Bella's words to sink deep into her mind. As the seconds crept by, Bella began to wonder if Aurelius had been wrong. Perhaps Alice wasn't going to take to this as well as anticipated. Just as Bella was about to break the unbearable silence, Alice stepped back from her, lifting her head slowly before meeting Bella's gaze, a gaze that was lit with a fire that Bella had yet to see.

"Alice?" Bella asked in a quiet voice as Alice took her hand in her own and began to lead her down a new forestry path.

"We're going to a cabin that Jasper and I used in the past when we needed to get away from Edward. It's still on our property but far away enough to allow you and I some time. Time to collect ourselves, become grounded again," Alice paused as she looked over her shoulder to meet Bella's gaze, " And for the record, if anyone from Jacob to the Volturi truly believe that they can come and take you from me without a fight, they better think again."