April 2004
Jessica could hardly believe that four years had come and gone so quickly. A lot had happened in the last couple years even.
She sold her parent's house and made a nice chunk of change for safe keeping. She had her epiphany about Ivan and they had grown closer; and she had made herself very at home.
Her library had also become a hub for everyone to spend a little time together. She would read with Gunnar, Khalid would peruse her book collection and knick knacks, and she and Ivan made it a tradition to have tea or coffee in the late morning. It was her favorite part of the day.
She did, however, notice that Ivan looked at her differently; he had a gleam in his eyes when he saw her in the mornings, and when they had their rendezvous in the library he looked the happiest she had ever seen him.
One of the highlights for her was when he finally brought his son, Christoffer, to meet her.
~~~
"Christoffer here just finished a soccer game before he came," Ivan told her.
Jessica didn't know what to do or say... Christoffer was severely disabled. He was confined to a wheelchair and was completely paralyzed. Ivan obviously was in denial.
"He also just finished first in the school spelling bee."
'... What...?,'
She was gobsmacked.
"Well don't be shy, say hello."
She hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out how to handle this.
"Hi, Christoffer. Or can I call you Chris? Good! My name is Jess," she looked up to Ivan to see if she was going in the right direction.
He gave her a smile.
"It's lovely to meet you! Ivan, why didn't you bring this charming young man to meet me sooner?"
"The boarding schook I keep him in doesn't allow him to leave very much. As much as I love spending time with him, he can be a bit of a handful; what with running around and being as hyper as he is."
'Oh, Ivan... My poor disillusioned friend...'
"I see. Well, should I set three places for tea?"
"Yes, Christoffer loves tea!"
"Fantastic! Orange pekoe, mint, or Earl Grey?"
"Mint, if you please."
She gave him a nod and made her way to the library.
'Such a loving father,' she thought.
She forgot to ask Ivan what kind of tea he wanted, so she turned around and stopped outside the door when she heard Ivan talking.
"Remember, Christoffer, I really like her, so be on your best behavior. And no trying to out- charm your dad," Ivan instructed Christoffer.
Jessica felt her heart flatline. He liked her? Like "liked" her? It was surely too good to be true...
"She's beautiful isn't she? Do you like her?", Jessica heard Ivan question Christoffer.
'I can't get ahead of myself... He might just mean in a friendly way,' she reasoned, 'but the "I really like her" and the "Isn't she beautiful" lines have to mean something more... Right?'
Jessica knocked after a moment and walked in.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I forgot to ask what kind of tea you wanted, Ivan."
"Oh, I'll take orange pekoe. Thank you, Jess."
With that, she tried her hardest to walk on weak knees to the kitchen to get the teacups and saucers.
~~~
And ever since that day, she couldn't think of anything else. She still wasn't quite sure if she jumped the gun on what he said, or if she inadvertently overheard a love confession. She hoped it was the second one.
November 2004
It was a cold and rainy day. It definitely called for hot chocolate, a fire, and some books.
Jessica was sitting on the loveseat reading A Study in Scarlet when Ivan suddenly appeared. Thankfully she had gotten tea ready early and was just waiting on him.
He took his seat and she put her book back on the shelf with the page dog-eared to mark her place. She took her seat and handed him a cup and saucer.
"Hard to believe we've kept this tradition going as long as we have," she joked.
They talked about how long she had been there and how well she adjusted.
"It's been a joy having you here! You're so engaging and humble. I was worried you'd jump at the first chance you got to leave."
"Well you know, Ivan, that you were mainly what helped me to feel at home. You were incredibly friendly and welcoming. I really can't thank you enough."
As she was speaking, she noticed that Ivan would periodically look her up and down not-so discreetly. Ivan beamed as she finished her sentence. She hesitated for a moment, deciding if she should take her chance.
She slowly got up and made her way to his side of the table. She got close to his face, her eyes twinkling. She had enough of pent up emotions; she had to know if the feeling was mutual...
"But maybe this is a start."
She looked in his eyes and inched her face towards his. Her eyelids slowly started to close as she came closer. He looked at her lips then back up to her eyes, then closed the gap between them quickly. His hands went to the back of her head and pulled her in to deepen the kiss.
Her hands, meanwhile, wound themselves around the back of his neck. They broke apart for a breath.
"... Ivan...," breathed Jessica, as she looked at him through half-lidded eyes.
He abruptly stood up and took her in his arms, smashing her into his chest and attacked her mouth. He backed her up against one of the bookshelves, their lips never parting. He moved his mouth to her ear, whispering praises to her as she nuzzled his cheek.
"So beautiful... My angel..."
Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She backed him up to the loveseat and sat beside him.
"I can't believe it finally happened," she said excitedly.
"Jess, I've had feelings for you for so long... I was just afraid."
"Don't be afraid anymore, Ivan. There's no nee-," but she was cut off by him kissing her again.
Suddenly, she decided to be bold. She began to straddle his lap and pull him into her. Ivan was close to losing his self control; her body pressed up to his, knowing that they shared feelings of want was almost too much.
She whipped her sweater off to the side; his eyes immediately went to her lacy bralette. He had imagined she had a lush figure, but not even seeing the most intimate parts of it was enough to drive him wild.
He put his hands on her waist as she moved her hands to his chest, up his shoulders, and finally settled them on the back of his neck. Ivan leaned back and took in the sight of her; chest heaving from excitement, her licking her pouty lips nervously.
She leaned her head down and captured his lips again. Before he knew it, his hands were wandering up to her chest. He suddenly developed a conscience.
'Do I really want to be responsible for corrupting a younger woman? A MUCH younger woman?'
Ivan broke their kiss and gave her a sad look.
"Jess... You and I both know this isn't a good idea. As much as we both want this, we shouldn't."
"But... But we have feelings for each other... And we've both waited long enough, don't you agree?"
"What could I possibly have to offer you? I'm a close to middle-aged widower priest. You don't want someone closer to you in age who isn't tied down to the same place forever? That's no life for you. You deserve better."
"Ivan... You're the best thing for me. I was around people my own age when I lived in the city, and I know I'm not missing anything. I've never felt happier since leaving all that behind, and it's all thanks to you. I feel so at peace here and like I belong. Especially with you," she said with reverence.
Ivan felt his throat tighten. Not even his wife had been this open and loving with him when she was alive. He wasn't quite sure how to handle this.
"But...", he started. Jessica leaned in and kissed him again.
"If it makes you feel any better, we could wait until I'm a bit older. I think you're worth waiting for," she told him with eyes full of adoration.
He felt as if his heart was about to explode.
"We'll see. For now though, I would prefer for us to remain friends."
"I understand. But just know that my feelings remain unchanged."
He nodded and excused himself. He knew he did the right thing, but now that Jessica had made her feelings known, it would be even more difficult to control himself.
Jessica sat on the loveseat alone, wondering what the next thing to do should be. Should she leave? She had nowhere to go and didn't want to anyway.
'I guess the only thing I can do is wait. I know he won't make me wait forever, or himself for that matter.'
She sat in the library, disappointed, until it was lunch time; but she skipped her meal and went to her room. She needed a nap after such an emotionally charged afternoon.
