A/N: Now now, I know what you're thinking. How on God's green earth is this going to work out? The manga vaguely confirms this delectable duo's love for each other, so I assume this is not the contention. As for the part where one is very obviously dead and the other is not, I work with the following premises: 1) Spirits are emotion (as Yoh so aptly points out); 2) Love is an emotion. Conclusion: spirits can love.

That's easy enough and all good and well. But in addition to that, there is, in fact, one possibility of a solidifying, shall we say, this romance into something approaching concrete outcomes. It seems to be the case that Pailong can actually feel some things; but they have to translate into spiritual form. My evidence? Well, he certainly did not feel the glass shards when they cut his hand that one time, or the many other attacks on his body. But he did seem to be affected by overwhelming spiritual attacks; just look at the Great Tao King knocking the guy out. Ergo, as long as we are discussing something in the ream of spiritual application he can feel it.

Or, you know, we could just accept that Mankin is teeny tiny bit all over the place with the rules for this (because worldbuilding, am I right?) and anyone can do whatever they please. But that's boring and inconsistent and I don't accept it.

Anyway, enjoy the introductory chapter. I don't expect this to run over 5 chapters since it is a very short story.


"Come now, Jun; one small dinner is all I ask." The breezy voice on the other end of the line wheedled. "Surely that is not too much." It was quite shameless how that woman was perfectly willing to use any and all weapons at her disposal to get her way.

Jun sighed softly. "Very well, mother; I will be there." Pushing past the woman's exclamations of joy, she ended the call with a polite, "I shall see you soon." She had been avoiding her girlhood home truth be told. Glancing down at her hands, she made a thoughtful sound. Why stop? The question settled like a heavy burden upon her shoulders. She could have gone on to give another one of her patented excuses. Mother would have insisted on having her way, eventually run into the unshakable wall of her daughter's refusal and try again some other time. It was an old game.

But she had had years to think about it all. Years in which to count the ways she'd been hurt; and ways she'd been blessed in as well. She had come to grips with some of it, though the nightmares remained even after so long. Would they were fade? Did it matter if they never did? Darkness was an intimate friend; the black void did not scare her.

A door opened behind her with a loud screech of protest. Out of habit more than need she turned to look. The sound of Pailong's footsteps was not foreign to her either. She greeted his return with a smile. "Did you enjoy your workout?" For a moment, she allowed herself to admire the elegance in the controlled motions of his limbs. Jun felt no compunction whatsoever at the knowledge that her feelings were not those of a simple admirer of beauty. That lesson had been well taught; she would never be dishonest with herself ever again. At the same time, awareness of the futility of such sentiments softened the edges of desire.

Lee Pailong had once been her weapon; a mere doll to use as she would. He then became her protector and ultimately, their closeness and like-mindedness bridged the gap between them with friendship. But more? It would be beyond the heights of selfishness to dare wanting; though in her moments of naked honesty, Jun allowed it was her heart's most ardent desire. The man was dead and had been for two decades; moreover, he had lost almost everything by the hand of her family. Wishes were irrelevant. Reality remained irrefutable.

"Why do I get the feeling you are not listening?" His voice snapped her to attention. Jun had the grace to look abashed.

"Forgive me. I suppose I drifted." His piercing gaze scrutinised her. Unfortunately, having been born in the Tao family, she bore all scrutiny with a perpetually neutral expression. She concentrated on frowning. "Mother called. She expects me home in time for dinner tomorrow."

Pailong tensed. "Tao Yuan–"

"Yes; I expect my father will be there as well." Placidly, she reached for her glass of soda and took a sip to buy her time. She took in his rigid stance then. "It's okay, you know. I very much doubt there is a nefarious plot in the works here." Things had settled in spite of the turbulent past.

"It makes no difference. I will protect you no matter what." The assertion unbalanced her momentarily. She'd heard him say similar things before, naturally. But that had always been in the middle of battle, or coming off of an emotionally charged experience. A small dinner with her parents hardly warranted such a response. Her heart tattooed a steady beat against her ribcage. Blinking back what felt suspiciously like tears, she resolved to hold it together.

Some honesty could not hurt. "You are more than I deserve." He protested, but she brushed it off. She knew all too well he was not paying her in the currency of what she deserved. If he were, Tao Jun would be lying dead on the rug, her neck snapped. "Say no more," she laughed softly, masking her own discomfort at the dark turn her thoughts took.

"Mistress Jun." That tone of voice coupled with the determined look in his eyes held her captive. Jun watched the behemoth approach. Bailong towered over her, stopping one short step away from her seated self. "Let us have a right understanding between us. I chose to stay by your side." And she had no business criticising his choice. Was that it? A rough cold hand touched her shoulder. "Past is past. We must move on." Coming from a zombie that should have been far more amusing than it was shaping up to be.

She gave in gracefully. "Of course." At least with her lips. Her heart was another matter altogether, but Bailong would not be privy to that. She had inflicted quite enough upon him already. "Don't mind me. I am just a bit apprehensive about having to play nice with that man for an entire evening. All will turn out well." She echoed a sentiment much beloved in their small circle and earned herself an understanding nod. Jun stood and brushed invisible lint off the cheongsam. "I think I'll turn in early today."

Her stalwart shield had nothing to say to that, so Jun turned on her heel and marched to her bedroom. Pailong followed, his steps deliberately loud in the stillness of the apartment. Jun ducked behind the folding screen, taking a moment to simply breathe. She heard the coffin's lid lift and imagined her companion lying down. It was only after that she began peeling off her own clothing, slow and steady. The more time she spent at it, the better settled he would be. Pailong did not need sleep; no ghost did. Even one bound to his own corpse. The cheongsam's silk shivered against her skin as her hands worked on prying it away from her body. Her undergarments followed the same path. She pulled on her sleeping garments, careful to tie all ribbons in the right places. And then, as she heard the creaks of Pailong's movements in his coffin, she finally let down her hair. In lieu of her usual barrette hairclips, she used a simple tie to secure her hair out of the way.

Stepping out from behind the screen, she scrutinised the dimly lit surroundings. The faint light showed no danger and she allowed herself to part from the meagre protection. Her feet carried her to the neat bed dominating about a quarter of the room. Jun settled beneath the sheets, turning on her side so as to face the lidless coffin of her champion. Having no need for sleep, he meditated in those hours where dreams unfolded for her; he'd admitted as much when they were first learning one another, not long after Yoh's triumph over her erstwhile convictions. In anticipation of her actions, she saw him close his eyes and assume a relaxed stance. "Say, Pailong," she started without quite deciding how she meant to go on. All she knew was that it was of paramount importance to call his attention to her.

When she did not follow through with anything, he spoke. "Yes?" He'd not opened his eyes and his stern expression did not lessen, but she knew he was truly listening. Three years had taught her a lot.

Scrambling to find some innocuous subject to parade before him, she lapsed into further silence. "Oh, I don't know." Jun admitted with a frustrated huff. "Just ignore me." Flopping onto her back, she stared at the ceiling. What did she want anyway?She grappled with that and the ever-present burden of knowledge drove her to further uneasiness.

"Is this about the dinner?" His question caught her off guard. Naturally, he would make such an assumption. Happy to have been offered an excuse, Jun latched onto it and held on tight for dear life.

"I don't mean to make mountains out of molehills," she said, bringing herself back onto her side, speaking of her true woes. He was sitting up, gazing at her fixedly. Despite his status, those flashing eyes were full of life, their shine more than enough to light up her world. "But I just can't help it." Just like she could not help the foolish hopes of her heart; Jun had very carefully combed over her past time and again in search of answers to her quandary and inevitably reached the conclusion that she could do very little to either make up for the loss she'd caused or advance her own cause with Pailong. Pathetic as it might seem, she was neither willing to let go.

The unmoving stare became unnerving and she closed her eyes against the onslaught. Pailong chose that moment to speak. "When you feel ready to share whatever it is that troubles you with me, I will listen."

A knot settled in her throat as she swallowed. Stubbornly keeping her own eyes shut she forced her breath to even out. It was difficult enough to ask acceptance of her own conscience, let alone confess to him. Though she felt bad to leave him hanging, Jun considered it prudent not to implicate herself further than she already had. Pailong was by no means a fool; just as she had learned him, he had learned her and more so as his years of captivity were spent observing her every move. It was never a bright idea to make an enemy of a man who knew your weaknesses. She could still feel him looking and took some solace in pretending for the briefest of times that he gazed at her with the kind of affection she sought from him.

Jun fell asleep to that bit of fluff, daring to wade into happy imaginings. She did not guess the direction her companion's thoughts had taken. In point of fact, he was very much alive to the oddity of her behaviour and had a most difficult time reconciling it to their past bond. It wasn't exactly that she was drawing away from him; Jun was no more and no less secretive than before. Her mask of poise slipped on occasions, but she always retreated behind some pretext or another. He had done it countless times to those around her, but it was the first time she did it to him.

Pailong contemplated the priestess, allowing himself to look his fill. She lay on her side still, eyes shut against the world. A gentle curl of her lips, reminiscent of smiling, marked her expression as she slipped into slumber. No outward change presented itself, naturally, but he had the sinking suspicion that something had gone awry between them in spite of the sweet picture she presented. The stubborn nature of a Tao could not be underestimated, though, and he quickly determined his uphill battle had best be fought quickly. A decisive victory on his part would likely settle matters between them. All he had to do was learn what exactly had worked to disturb their balance.

The hours passed as he sat there, allowing his mind to wonder. Deep into the night, after much shifting, Jun began gripping the sheets, twisting them around her fingers. He waited to see whether she would wake on her own as she often did but the struggle with the unseen enemy continued and the bodily effort was soon joined by the most pitiful whimpers he had ever heard. It was a rarer occurrence for Jun to be so caught up in a dream, be it even a nightmare.

He abandoned his place and approached the bed. A dab hand, he shook her gently, calling out her name. "It is only a dream." She came to with a start in spite of his gentleness. Her eyes focused on him in the darkness. Their closeness likely allowed her to see some of his expression, but he, not needing the aid of any natural light, could make out hers as clear as day. Jun reached out, arms wrapping around his arm as though to hold him in place. Her grip slowly relaxed as her breath evened out. Confronted with that pained look in her eyes, he could not help responding to that tug Jun's discomfort always elicited, prodding him to act in her defence and tear down the cause of her disquiet. But dreams were beyond his power to stop. Instead, he pushed back the slightly damp hairs clinging to her forehead.

Jun inhaled loudly, doubtlessly piecing together the clues at long last. "Thank you." He followed the movement of her lips with his eyes, not quite able to put out of his mind their allure. "I'm well." But instead of sending him away, she patted the edge of the bed. Pailong followed the silent command. "Just a moment longer." The words explained nothing, but her reluctance to open herself up had already been established.

"As long as you need," he answered, letting her do as she would when her hand searched out his. Small fingers slipped in between his. If he were alive he'd be able to make out the warmth of her hand and the smoothness of her skin. As was, he was left with the contrasting colours melding together and the almost comical image the discrepancy in size produced. He measured his palm against hers. This was a woman he could easily snap in half. Yet her fingers curled inwards, holding him in a gentle grasp, and deep in his chest, where there was no longer any living muscle to pump blood, a faint ache settled. Her hand was trembling.

Jun parroted softly, "As long as I need." The musing melted away in the night. Jun was not letting go. What a strange thing their relationship was turning out to be. Still as a statue, he continued to guard her despite wishing he could delve into her head and pry apart any threat to her peace. "It might turn out to be a very long time." The apologetic tone gave him pause.

A recurring theme of their association was the unfortunate surfacing of a niggling sense of guilt. Jun, he suspected, would never quite stop beating herself up over the decision her family made for her and the subsequent years she spent following their teachings. "Even forever would not be too long." Words were cheap, but they were all he had at hand; besides, he meant it. He was not refusing rest for the sake of a fighting style anymore than he did it out of fear or a desire for revenge. He stayed in great part for Jun, yet to convince her of the fact was a different matter.

Jun scrutinised his expression before lifting away the hand which held his. A gentle smile touched her lips. "Lee Pailong, you really are something else. It might be longer than forever then; you will grow heartily sick of me, I am certain." She chuckled.

Pailong considered her answer. The feeing unpleasantly recalled to mind their early days. "Stubborn woman," he muttered, not concerned with the haughty gleam flaming to life in her eyes. With Jun, anger was better than apathy, he found. "Let us test out your theory, shall we?" He expected some sort of agreement but Jun suddenly deflated.

"You have nothing to prove to me," she assured. Why was she being so bloody difficult? He couldn't think of any other human being that had given him half as much trouble as Jun did when caught in one of her moment. Quite frankly, one could tell she was a Tao by that indomitable streak of obstinacy.

Tempering his first impulse, Pailong simply grabbed hold of her arm, keeping his grip lax so as to not harm her. "Correct; I have nothing to prove. I am where I am because it is where I chose to be. Have I not proven as much?" He was honestly baffled. What more could he have done to ensure she understood him? He cocked his head to the side. "Or is it, that this is not, in fact, about me?"

Her lower lip quivered. But just as quickly, she quelled the reaction. "What do you want me to say? I know I am being unreasonable."

The truth would be wonderful. It was, nonetheless, not for him to force it out of her. He might have commented on how she was quite enough to grind the patience of a saint to dust, but he did not trust himself to stop there, so Pailong chose the more diplomatic path of keeping his peace. Some would term it more harshly; cowardice. She was all he had left in this world. He released her arm, yet she would not push away from him. Instead, Jun kept the very small distance between them unchanged. In a bid to reach more familiar ground, he threw her words back at her. "What do you want me to say?"

"Just leave me be for now," she managed after a few beats of silence.

If he were a mindless doll he would have obeyed without a second thought; as was, he took his time and even once back in his coffin, equanimity would not return. Pailong fruitlessly tried to convince himself the unusual harmony that had recently made itself master over their lives was at fault for the discord. But try as he might, he could not put Jun's face put of his mind. Knowing her as he did, he feared the trouble went deeper than a mere lack of enemies they might act as one against. Perhaps after the hurdle of the dreaded family dinner no longer darkened the future, he would gather enough gumption to ask. Perhaps with that unpleasant occurrence behind her, Jun would answer truthfully. He could only leave it up to fate, he supposed, and hope for the best. Pailong shut his eyes against the worry slowly welling up within him.

The rest of the night passed slowly.

Jun woke with the dawn. Drawn inevitably to the coffin which served for Pailong's bed, her heart caught in her throat when she found it empty; Jun did the only thing she could think of then. She called for the man, their tête-à-tête's unwelcome intrusion setting her even further on edge. Rolling out of bed, she grabbed the thin robe awaiting use. Jun pulled it tight around her body, tying the sash with rough movements even before her feet were fully immersed in soft slippers.

Pailong would not leave her. She knew that on a level much deeper than mere logic. After all, he had had numerous occasions upon which to abandon their bond; he hadn't. He'd clung to her just as tightly as she had to him. Out in the hallway, she paused, eyeing the forking road just as she heard the light click of the front door opening. Annoyed at the interruption, she considered going on her way to where Pailong was most likely to be but before she could, the soft greeting of a familiar voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Grandfather; what are you doing here?" The question slipped past her lips before she could think any better of it. In her defence, Tao Ching was not the sort to venture outside the comfort of his home for so paltry a thing as visiting his granddaughter.

A subtle twist of lips answered her. It was more a grimace than a smile. "Is that the way you greet family?" He gave her a once over. Jun crossed her arms over her chest even knowing it did no good. "Your mother tasked me with ensuring an early start." A shadow fell over them. Instinctively, Jun turned to look upon the caster. Pailong stood there. Her grandfather speared him with a cool glare. Her guardian returned the favour full measure.

Jun struggled to cleave through the hostilities. "An early start, you say? Very well, let me make myself ready." She hoped the words might be enough to quell the tension, but her grandfather merely snorted. She sighed. "Mother didn't need to go through all the trouble. I said–"

"You say a lot of things, Jun." That shut her up. She recognised the silent admonishment and did not dare press any further. "Be on your way then. We shall wait here for you."

The futility of protest could not be overstated. So Jun turned her back on the men and disappeared through the door, hearing only the quiet murmur of her grandfather's voice as she departed. What he could possibly have to say to her Pailong, Jun was at a loss to guess. She only hoped it would not lead to conflict. The churning in her gut increased her apprehension. Perhaps it was merely the fact that she had yet to eat anything. Her mother was too much; did she think Jun would take off at first light just to avoid a family gathering? That boat had sailed.

At the same time, Pailong found himself thinking in similar terms, fleeting hope dying in his chest as any and all escape was cut off by the arrival of a most unexpected guest. Added to which, Tao Ching seemed to be under the impression that Pailong needed or even wanted his advice. "Truly, what sort of guardian leaves his mistress open like that?" If he were not Jun's family, Pailong would gladly squash him like the vile roach he was.

"She is perfectly safe," he answered firmly. If ever danger lurked around the corner, he could well anticipate it. More to the point, anyway who wanted to hurt Jun would have to pass through him. And for most that was simply impossible.

"Is that so?" The old man's doubt irked him. Pailong centred himself despite that and refused to feed into the conversation. "Well, I expect I've no cause to complain unless you run into someone of my son-in-law's calibre again."

Was it some sort of jest fate was having at his expense? Was God laughing at him? Setting his jaw, Pailong used the silence for a shield. He missed the days when Jun's family have him no thought at all. How easy manoeuvring around them had been. There was something about sentience which seemed to call to Tao Ching's sadism. It was as though the man could scent vulnerability in the air; particularly his where Jun was concerned. And what could he possibly say to that in any event. Tao Yuan had handily defeated him. Certainly, aided by the greater part of the Tao family's ancestors, but that did not ease the pain of defeat. It did not erase Jun's cries ringing in his ears. He could still recall with startling clarity the horror playing on her features as he was torn apart. And, most damningly, scars like fine latticework adorned the skin of her legs, crisscrossing over what ought to have been soft, unspoilt flesh. He'd seen then time and again, a tangible reminder of his failure.

"You look furious." The words shattered the train of his thoughts. "Good. You should be. On the flip side, a wise man once said, the person who has a why is capable of enduring any how." And just like that the justification crystallised itself once more digging him out of the pit. He had his why. "My granddaughter is tremendously important to me," Ching pointed out rather superfluously. "So much so that to this point I have given her the space she required. Do you not think as her guardian you too should aim for her greater good?"

The door flew open on its hinges and with the grace of a lioness out for blood, Jun launched to his defence. "Grandfather, Pailong is not the least bit at fault for the degradation in the family's relationship and I will thank you not to insinuate otherwise." He hadn't necessarily needed her intervention, but seeing her at it could not but soothe his soul. Despite fuming, the young woman appeared more herself with the usual trappings in place.

Tao Ching remained utterly unruffled by that outburst. In fact, the tiny spark in his eyes was dangerously close to amusement. "So bold, these young ones are." For her part, Jun looked about ready to fire off again, but her grandfather put paid to that. "If all is in readiness, let us go."

They departed within moment, the efficiency of many years at work to smooth out any potential wrinkles in their travel plans. By the time she was seated on the helicopter's bench, Jun had had just enough time to calm herself. Eyeing her grandfather with no small measure of suspicion, she worked on determining the reason for his picking a fight with Pailong. If there was one thing that could be said of the man was that in his heart the Tao family ruled supreme. But then it made no sense for him to complain of how her guardian discharged his duties. Certainly, there were individuals out there far stronger than herself and Pailong, but their numbers were so few. And most were allies.

Her father's aggregate of spirits, the Great Tao King, while powerful, could not be obtained by just anyone. Even among shamans, families with such a long history and dedicated guardian ghosts were rare. The truth was not many would think to use their ancestors in such a manner and not amongst the ghosts, few were those who did not consider their life dedication enough to some cause or another. Her confidence remained , thus, unshaken on such grounds; Pailong would remain undefeated in the face of any threat which currently plagued the realm, as it were.

Such musing kept her company on the uncomfortable flight home which was mercifully short, on account of the helicopter slashing through the distance. Jun could only imagine the horror of making the entire trip by train. The one positive of the wealth amassed by her kin was travelling in such style. She would enjoy it unabashedly. Their landing was just as smooth as the rest of it had gone and Jun had barely stepped out on solid ground before was faced with her mother's retainers, Shu and Kyo. The strategist and the general, handsome as ever, gave twin bows of greeting, their murmurs accompanying the gesture.

Quite the reception if she did say so herself. Jun felt Pailong's presence behind her, a shiver running down her spine as all that restrained power shifted with movement. She was led away, allegedly to her mother's side who positively pined for her daughter's return, if grandfather's parting shot was to be believed. Jun suspected her mother had some other reason for her pining, if indeed she would ever lower herself to such a degree. Nevertheless, her feet followed the path laid out for her and before long, she found herself staring at the seated figure of the woman.

Tao Ran, whom aged had refined just as it did fine wine, smiled warmly as she received her. "Jun, mother has been waiting for you." That particular tone of voice struck her. She recognised it from early days of training, working her fingers to the bone under careful supervision to perfect any and all techniques the woman saw fit to pass down to her."Shall we have a bit of mother-daughter time?" Her eyes shifted to the trio of guardians. Awaiting no answer, she ploughed ahead. "Gentlemen, if you would be so kind," the elegant dismissal saw Jun stripped of any and all protection, which she could not say she enjoyed in the least. The trouble with mother was, that not unlike any other Tao to have ever graced God's green earth, she was a law unto herself. Choosing not to comment for the time being, Jun complied when she was motion over and dutifully allowed her mother to warp her arms around her once she stood. Ran drew back. "It has been too long."

"Is that why you had grandfather pick me up?" She'd not meant to sound half as petulant as she did. But somehow, faced with that smiling face, she could not help from falling back into the well-tested role of child, despite her ripe old age of two decades.

Her mother shrugged and released her. "Needs must. There are things to discuss which demand your presence." Why did she not like the sound of that. Jun frowned as the older woman held up her fan and laughed softly. "No need to look so put out. There is no harm in it for you." The fan lowered. "Besides, I believe you will want to be involved when you hear what I have to say." That only served to further fuel her trepidation. Still and all, she sat when her mother indicated she might.

Silence fell between them. Inabid to hurry things along, Jun tentatively put out, "I am listening."

"As well you might," Ran indicated with a droll smile. "Uncover, if you will, the tray."

Jun's eyes fell to the red square of cloth draped over what looked, indeed, to be a tray. She obligingly removed it and was rather confused to find a few slips of paper with dates scribbled over them. There were six in total and as far as she could make out there was no meaning behind them. "I don't understand," she admitted after a moment of pondering. "What are these?"

"Auspicious dates. You grandfather has worked very hard on his divinations for these." Jun feared her blank expression gave her away before anything else. But her mother did not seem unduly bothered by it. Instead, she clapped her hands and a servant girl came bearing tea. "I will explain in just a moment," Ran promised. The moving corpse set the cups down and poured the tea before making herself scarce. "Now then, where was I?" the woman mused, taking a sip of her drink. "Ah yes, the explanation. It is simple, really; it is time we think of the future. Your duty demands submission in this, daughter." The cup met the wooden surface of the table with a faint sound.

"My duty?" she muttered, understanding dawning at long last. "You mean marriage," Jun spelled it out, just to ensure she'd understood correctly. She was about the right age, was she not? Ran nodded patiently. "I understand." There was nothing she could say to it.

Jun supposed there was always the path of most resistance but what would that gain her? The family was certainly not ill-intentioned with the scheme, they'd not simply sprung a trap on her and then demanded compliance and marriage was something she had ever known to be part of her ultimate fate. Besides, settling the matters sooner rather than later had its advantages.

"Wonderful; now these are only interviews," her mother explained of the dates she'd been given. "We have selected the best candidates. As to whether you wish to test their skill should any of them pass, I leave that up to you."

"But I thought–" she stopped herself from going any further. She was a daughter of the main branch, certainly, but she was not the heir. That made sense then. "With your permission, mother, I shall have a look at the candidates."

She leaned over and studied the given options. All of them were branch family members, which nullified any concern that she would not know them. Somewhat settled by that discovery, she perused the list a second time. "They are all decent enough, but I thought Ye Bai and Zhou Xia have pledged their troth to each other long ago. As for Yi Hai and Chang Hai, I know them to have renounced our ways. Lan Yun is a bit of a playboy; it would be most uncomfortable to deal with in the future. Shang Wu is," she paused, drifting into a memory of her hair being pulled by some absolute brat, "too young for marriage, I deem. He is only eighteen." The last name was the easiest and at the same time quite the hardest to reject. Thus Jun hesitated.

Her mother's fan rode up and down in languid motions. "No opposition to Li Ge, daughter?" the elder questioned. "His age, perhaps? Physical condition?"

"Those hardly qualify as proper reasons. He is only thirty-two; by no means ancient. As for the missing legs, since he lost them in service to us, they are hardly grounds in themselves." Jun meant every word she said. "But even with the aid of his guardian, he could not withstand Pailong. And since I cannot test him, I cannot in good conscience marry him, now can I?"

"Oh?" Ran blinked slowly, as if the arguments were just then sinking in. "Well then, if you would have none of these men, shall we consider Na Lan or Si Ma, or even Xia, if you so wish."

Jun scrambled to find some obvious flaw which would make cohabitating with any of these men impossible. She fired them off rapidly, hoping they made as much sense to her mother as they did to her. In the normal course of things, any of these men would be unobjectionable. Logically, she knew very well marriage advanced the causes of chastity, fidelity and prudence, beyond aiding in the family's goals themselves. But she could not be any of those things to any of those men. Was she the problem? As she kept rejecting more and more names her mother threw out, she could only conclude that the matters stood so indeed.

"You have disqualified each and every man I could think of," her mother said at long last after what seemed like hours. "That leaves us in a bit of a pickle." Not that mother seemed surprised about it in the least. She said it as though she were expecting it of her daughter. "What manner of man could you find it in your heart to accept?"

In spite of the light tone, the daughter did not allow herself to make the mistake of believing her answer inconsequential. Her mother was going to take her wishes into account; she would be willing to bet her life on it. "I suppose I want someone who will dedicate himself to me so that I in turn may dedicate myself to him. Someone strong and fierce in battle, but gentle and kind in the home; I guess it would be nice if he liked me for myself as well and understood the depth of quiet devotion. But more importantly, I want someone who will not run when the truth reveals itself."

An arch eyebrow rose with a subtle hint of amusement. "That sounds a lot like a man I know." It did to Jun as well and she very much feared it was the one man she could never have, not on account of something as insignificant as moral prudishness, God forbid; her family had done far worse, she was certain. Not at all; she could not have him because he was the one and only Pailong whose life she'd ruined and whose soul she'd trapped into servitude. "You have successfully described Tao Yuan, my dear."

Her maudlin considerations were thrown into chaos. "I beg your pardon?" Her affront counted for naught.

"Quite; you could have knocked me with a feather, I was so surprised. But there you have it; you are my daughter, after all." Any and all attempts to set the record straight were duly ignored as her mother rhapsodised about her husband.

Finally, when she could take not a word more, Jun slammed her palm onto the tabletop. "Enough, mother." She stood and drew up the skirts of her cheongsam, revealing her legs up to the knee. There were some scars even higher than that, but some decorum had to be maintained. "How is this for the loving actions of a father?"

The older woman mused a space. "It is him you take your hard-headed determination from. Yes, Jun, your father was harsh on you; but no harsher than the world."

Incredulous, she whirled around, once more covered. "You defend him?"

"Did he ever strike you as a child?" The question took her aback. He hadn't. She admitted to it. "Were you punished for transgressions you were not guilty of?"

"Is not everything a transgression in his eyes?" she fumed impotently.

"That is not the question, daughter." The reminder set her back. Again, she had to speak the truth. "Very well, then let us allow that he was wrong, perhaps, in dealing with you as harshly as he has. I did not like it then and I do not like it now; but cruelty was the furthest of motives." Reaching within the top of her salmon-coloured robes, she handed a folded piece of thick paper to Jun.

She took it and proceeded to unwrap it. After a brief look, her lips flattened. "What is this supposed to prove?" The old photograph in her hands shook lightly. Within the whitened edges four individuals painted a picture of domestic bliss. The patriarch was holding a young girl in his lap, amusing her with a bit of string. The wife cradled a small bundle in her arms, gently tipping the tiny creature forth so the camera might catch the details of his face.

"Look at your father's face," Ran instructed placidly.

She did not want to, but felt compelled to do it anyway. Was it curiosity? Mere obedience to her elders? Perhaps it was something else; hope. Hope that the man who had tyrannised her youth and haunted her nightmares was in fact more than a mere monster. Or less than a mere monster? She gazed down into the picture, concentrating with all her might.

The man was smiling. Not a wide stretch of lips, or even a grin filled with pride. He smiled for his daughter, the small child in his lap, whose trusting little face remained perpetually upturned, caught in time for all eternity. He barely smiled, a twitch of lips which coupled with the gentlest eyes she had ever seen. They gazed lovingly upon his flesh and bone. One of his hands loomed above her, dangling what looked to be some manner of string, while the other laid against her stomach, presumably to keep her from falling.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. She did not want to feel bad for him. Not the least bit; but the man she loathed was the very same man in whom her trust had been obviously placed. "You see?" Her mother's voice only worked to intensify the tears. "I am not excusing his behaviour, dearest, but it cuts me to the core when you brand him a monster. Monsters do not love; they are incapable of it." One warm hand touched her own. "When you are more yourself, give my words further thought. But in the meantime, it occurs to me there is another man your description might fit."

"Is there?" Jun deflected between tears, drawing her hand away. Perhaps mother was thinking of yet another innocuous distant relative.

"You will have to try a bit harder than that if you want to throw me off the scent." The fan was back to beating a steady rhythm. "Well?" The pressure was going to let up unless she confessed. And possibly, if she exorcised the feeling, she might even find the strength to lock it tightly away and actually do her duty.

"What do you want to hear; that no man could possibly measure up to Lee Pailong? Alright, consider it said. No man can even come close." Her belligerent tongue did not even stop there. Aggravated with her own failing resolve, Jun let slip yet another secret, "I don't know what to do. This isn't some gap I can bridge try as I might."

"Then this will pose a problem." The pronouncement chilled her to the bone. Jun glanced up at her mother, furiously wiping away tears. "It seems you must find some solution, sweet child. Mother will lend you access to the library, of you so desire. Or, you could always let the family make the choice for you." She would still proceed, even knowing her daughter could not possibly accept a husband? Why did that not surprise her?

She could not possibly find succour in the library, but at least it was some additional time since her heart did not seem all that willing to relinquish its feelings or whelve them. "The library it is." If memory served, the library contained several off-limits sections.

"If I scratch your back, then you must scratch mine; we cannot allow your grandfather's work to go to waste. You will have to meet these men he had chosen." That seemed fair enough. "Who knows, one of them might even make a conquest of your heart."

As if anyone could at that point. "When may I consult the books then?"

"You may begin whenever you wish; but you might want to keep it under wraps until I have spoken to your father." Jun, who was in the process of sitting up as the words registered, faltered.

"You needn't speak to father about it." If that man knew, what guarantee did she have he wouldn't rip her Pailong to shreds again, that he wouldn't merely exorcise the spirit to spite her? Tao Yuan had loved his daughter as a chubby infant; he might not love the Jun who opposed him in equal measure.

Her mother smiled beatifically. "I see. So you do not mean to search out the library?"

"Of course I mean to. I just said I would," Jun argued back. If she did find something, what would she do then? It all hinged on that if. "Can you not wait until I have even the tiniest bit to show for my effort?"

"I suppose that cannot hurt," Ran allowed. "That settles it. If you will have my advice, wait until after dinner to conduct your little research."

It was still only midmorning. "What am I supposed to do until then? Sit here drinking tea and twiddling my thumbs?"

"Jun, really," admonished the other. "There are beautiful flowers to admire in the garden and a perfectly pleasant lake to contemplate." Ran dismissed her with a wave of her fan. "You might want to wash up your face, though. You are not a very elegant crier."

Did that woman need to grind her confidence into dust. Crossing her arms over her chest, Jun obstinately refused to grace that last remark with an answer. Instead she took her leave of the woman who'd birthed her and retreated to her private suit of rooms. Which put her in the path of a concerned looking guardian whose keen senses immediately caught the puffy eyes; an unfortunate oversight on her part.

Pailong reached her in two long strides. "What's wrong?" She contemplated feigning ignorance. Or deafness. Whichever worked. "And don't you try brushing me off." His warning blew holes into that plan. What to do? How far to go with the explanation? The silence lengthened. "Jun, Please talk to me."

She snapped to attention. "It seems the family has been busy during our absence," she started shakily. With a wan smile, she went on to say, "Mother wanted me to give my opinion with regards to possible matches. Matrimony, that is."

Pailong froze. "I beg your pardon?" It felt rather like someone had snatched the ground from beneath his feet and left him floundering.

"Marriage," she repeated herself.

"I know what that is." His mind crowded with all the arguments against such a course of action. She was much too young and hadn't seen nearly enough of life. Arranged marriages were tributary to a medieval worldview besides and she had no reason to meet such an expectation. But she was. Her eyes told him with only one flicker that she meant to go through with it.

"Oh." Jun held his gaze. "Of course you do." She bit down onto her lower lip, worrying the plump flesh. "They are mostly members of the branch family." He rifled through all the memories he had of the extended family. Unfortunately, having been suppressed for so long, he'd walked through those years as though asleep. Only vague images presented themselves to him. So which of those men was he expected to entrust Jun's happiness to?

"Who?" She gave him some names, but as the list lengthened, so mounted his ire. She spoke as though none of it mattered, but there were tear tracks running down her cheeks. It was when she spoke of testing them that he found his closest goal. "I will defeat them all. You needn't marry anyone you don't want to."

Finally she smiled. "My champion." That he was; her champion, always. Inextricably tangled in her fate, he could not stand by and simply let life happen to her. If it was within his power, he would protect her from threats great and small alike. He justified it with the satisfaction he felt whenever she relied on him. "But we won't be doing that."

For a second time, her words held him in a painful grip. "Whether it is one of these men or some other down the line; will you fight them all? Where will that leave me?" Sniffling gently, Jun moved around him, letting him contemplate her question.

Again, he could not fathom just what precisely percolated through that head of hers. She gave every sign of being distraught with the state of things, yet when he made an attempt to help, she pushed him aside. Pailong held little illusions about his mistress; in matters of battle her trust in him was absolute. It could not be about whatever power those suitors had.

He turned and followed her, standing in the doorway of the bathroom as she washed her face. Reflected back at him was a place face held together by stitches and sheer willpower. Jun was looking at him as well. "I don't understand." It was as much of a plea as he could give her. He wanted to help her. When out of sync with Jun he was likewise out of sync with the world.

"I promised I would give them a chance." Well she shouldn't have. Pailong kept his mouth firmly shut, wanting to hear whatever else she had to say. But, disapprovingly, she fell silent, passing wet hands over her face once more, breaking their contact. There were no more tears.

"A chance to what?" He wasn't being deliberately obtuse. He swore he wasn't trying to make anything more difficult for her, but needed to understand. He just had to. It felt like they were drifting further part by the minute and he wouldn't stand for it. "I already told you there is no need to do anything you do not wish to."

"But I cannot do what I want to either," she pointed out, turning to face him. What did that even mean?

"Why?" So many questions; it made him feel like a child. He wished she would just come out and say it, whatever it was. How could be help her when she insisted on being so boneheaded about the situation? Her refusal to offer an explanation only brought him closer. Crowding her against the sink as though his mere presence might shield her from any and all consequences, he caught her by the shoulders. "Is this about last night?" She flinched. Pain bloomed like an ill-fated flower in his chest. If he were alive, his heart would be breaking. "Tell me." His voice barely rose above a whisper.

Jun's breath hitched. "I can't," she whimpered. "I need more time."

"How much?" If he wasn't firm, she would slip between his fingers, so much as he disliked taking that approach with her, it couldn't be avoided. "An hour? A few hours? A day?"

Victory came uncommonly fast.

"I will tell you tomorrow." Jun pushed him away and he allowed it, watching as she moved past him. "Just give me until tomorrow." The sound of her ragged breaths filled his ears.

"Tomorrow then," he agreed, wishing the time would come already.


A/N: Yes, yes, I know. I'm the worst. But if you honestly think no Tao ever had a hard time letting their dearly departed go, you probably don't know humans all that well and I would advise further study of these imperfect creatures.