Title: What If I Never Get Over You
Rating: M
Pairing: Aria / Ezra
Summary: Goodbyes, in general, were awkward, unpleasant and often heartbreaking, but as far as falling into old habits was concerned, they were both exceptional at it.
An alternative scene of Aria saying goodbye to Ezra before going off to college in Season 6.
Author's Note: This is my second Ezria story and probably the last one. If you enjoy it, please leave a review.
The night was dark and unyielding with light rain. A gust of cold wind that announced the approaching end of summer blew past Aria and urged her chilled body inside the building. Her feet took the well-known path that led to his apartment solely based on a decision made by her heart before asking her brain for permission.
3B. It stared back at her lifelessly, almost mocking the indecision of her raised fist hovering above the door. The B was slightly crooked, imperceptibly so to anyone else but her who had stood in that same spot countless times before, experiencing anxiety, excitement, sadness and even rage. An entirely new emotion sat heavily on her chest now, one she never felt before while standing there. It was a profound sense of nostalgia for something not quite lost yet, and that's when reality dawned on her, like a cold stream of water down her body, that this was the last time seeing that door number for a while, maybe ever again.
Feeling suddenly nervous, Aria contemplated turning back, but instead she drew out a long sigh and resigned to the evidence that she remained too drawn to him to leave. Goodbyes, in general, were awkward, unpleasant and often heartbreaking. She hoped this one would be an exception.
In the morning, Aria will join the flock of people leaving for college, all more than ready to abandon their ordinary lives. By contrast, hers had been anything but. She was about to leave behind Rosewood and all the trauma it contained, and despite being all too eager to leave, she was not quite ready to go yet.
The irony that she was about to close this phase of her life so neatly, exactly two years since they've met, was not lost on her.
Aria never even touched the wood, but the door unlocked all the same by some sort of intuition on his part, an uncanny awareness to her presence. The open door revealed a rather tired Ezra, suggesting that he too had laid awake for a while. He was scantly clothed, with messy hair curling at the edges, and she fought hard against the impulse to comb his hair with her fingers.
"Aria?"
The question came out as a raspy whisper, packing into one name both surprise and all the tenderness Ezra still felt for her, and she suspected that no one would ever match such a lover's reverence which tugged at her heart every time he said her name.
Needing no verbal invitation other than him stepping aside, Aria walked into the apartment, carrying a light shine of rain in her hair, the beads of water barely soaked the thick strands but she shivered nonetheless when they dripped down her shoulders.
Aria quickly scanned the room after he closed the door without an effort to turn on the lights, and her gaze lingered on the unmade bed with its sheets and covers tossed in the aftermath of a restless battle with sleep.
Their eyes met again in the dim light that came through the windows and she noticed the tension in his posture, he was almost weary of her proximity in the limited space of the apartment after not having seen her in a while. Dreading the inevitable goodbye, Aria had avoided him in the past few days while preparing to leave, but despite the effort, there was a distinct impression she had unintentionally packed his heart along with the rest of her belongings.
Somewhere in the distance a police car siren blared loudly and disturbed the otherwise quiet street. The sound was so woven into the fabric of her life at this point that she barely flinched. They remained rooted in place, neither daring to make the first move while the indistinguishable sounds from the surrounding apartments became lower and lower until there was only silence.
In her short lifetime, Aria had written page after page of thoughts, memories and fantasies, yet she now lacked the words to express how ambiguously sad she felt. At some point between her house and his apartment, she convinced herself that all she needed was one last embrace, a brief moment to tuck her head under his chin and nuzzle his neck affectionately while he wrapped his arms around her, only then would she be satisfied enough to leave unburdened. But for them, as she failed to realize until now, that would never be enough.
Aria became slowly aware that she had been lost inside her head, with aloof doe eyes staring at him, because Ezra stared back with a hopeful expression while waiting for an answer. She then straightened up, gaining a few more precious inches on him, and with that her resolve was renewed.
"I don't know how to say goodbye to you." The words struggled off her lips on a breathless string and all she could manage afterwards was to bite her lower lip.
Ezra took a step closer to her, the previous unease now entirely gone. "Then let's not say anything at all."
The air cracked around them, tension grew on the surface of her skin in anticipation and her heart pounded so wildly in her chest that it would be nearly impossible for him not to hear. Without hesitation, Aria stretched on the tip of her toes until her lips collided with his. She heard the small hiss of his gasp, and yet it didn't occur to her, not once, that Ezra might push her away, because as far as falling into old habits was concerned, they were both exceptional at it.
Surprise was only short lived in him, for even though the kiss began softly, just a light touch of lips, it quickly took on a life of its own when his arms came around her and his hand closed around the back of her head. Aria felt an immediate rush of convoluted emotions that would take more time than she had to spare in order to pick them apart and dissect their meaning, so she pushed them all aside and focused on the sensation of his lips on hers.
Briefly abandoning her mouth, Ezra grazed her cheek with his lips and placed a kiss there before moving down her neck where his mouth closed on a small birth mark, his favorite spot to lavish with gentle kisses. Aria whimpered softly when his lips descended towards her chest only to be stopped by the collar of her shirt. He groaned disapprovingly and pulled the fabric over her head in one swift move. She then tugged on the waistband of his boxers, the only piece of clothing he had, until they came all the way down to the floor.
Ezra pulled Aria to him so her breasts pressed against his chest and their lips found each other again with ease. His fingers traveled up her spine and fumbled with the clasp of her bra, which he tossed aside once it came lose and by the subsequent sound, she was almost certain it had landed on the new lamp that replaced the one she had broken in a spiral of anger a long time ago.
Her palms landed on his chest and she pushed him towards the bed without resistance until his back hit the mattress with a soft thud and he absorbed the impact of her fall. After kicking off her shoes, Aria moved to straddle him with natural elegance and stared down at him once she settled on his lap. The lack of light prevented her from seeing the deep blue of his eyes completely, which she longed to see one last time. Then Ezra smiled at her, a gesture so full of joy that at once the world beyond the small apartment was of no consequence anymore.
Her hands moved from the shoulders to his chest and lower down still, mapping every hill and valley, every joint of his body, until it became imprinted on her mind. Aria wanted to memorize them all tonight to remember in the lonely nights ahead.
Amidst the exploration, her fingertips accidentally brushed the scar on his stomach and her body jolted with sudden recollection. Sensing her distress, Ezra sat up instantly and brought her hand to his lips for a kiss before placing it above his heart, where she felt the strong beat and was reminded that he was very much alive and well.
Aria dove back to his lips with renewed fervor, all the while grinding her hips against his noticeable erection. His groans were muffled by her relentless assault on his mouth and she grinned, savoring the power she had over him.
With her arms around his neck, Aria carried on kissing him with the urgency of someone experiencing time itself running out between her fingers, but Ezra slowed her impatience by touching her tongue with his at a languid pace, stretching their time together and delaying the inevitable end of the night. Ezra had the habit of running his hands through her hair and he did the same even now, letting the silky strands flow between his fingers despite being much shorter. The brutal shock of having it cut without consent had lessened and Aria eventually grew accustomed to it, not allowing trauma to define her sense of self. And the fact that Ezra still found pleasure touching her hair soothed her immensely.
In one fluid motion, Ezra spun them around until she was laying on her back. Once on top of her, he started a trail of kisses below her ear and down the neck towards her chest, there he poured attention on the right breast, her most sensitive, and rolled the nipple with his tongue before sucking hard. He repeated the action on the left one while his hand closed around the other and squeezed gently.
With greedy hands, Ezra pulled her pants and underwear down her legs and they joined the pile of clothes already on the floor. When her legs parted for him to settle in between, he dove head first. One of his hands sprawled flat on her stomach, pinning her to the mattress, while the other held her thigh, and she quivered under him when his mouth found her clit and began sucking eagerly, which provoked a light throb that was quickly soothed by his tongue.
Their gaze was locked while his tongue circled her clit faster and disappeared inside her, but her eyes inevitably closed when he inserted two fingers, moving them slowly in and out of her, making her grasp the sheet underneath in a fist. Fluctuating both in intensity and pitch, her moans filled the small apartment and she felt his proud grin despite not being able to see it.
Soon enough, the room began to spin, the color of bricks blended with blue, and all Aria could manage was to anchor herself on a handful of his hair before all the tension in her body was released in an all-consuming flow that started between her legs and rippled through her body. A long, shuddering moan echoed off the walls and her eyes rolled behind closed lids.
For a while, Aria was unable to formulate the simplest thought between gulps of air and was only faintly aware that Ezra had crawled upwards and reached for a condom on the nightstand.
When she opened her eyes again, Ezra laid flush against her, from chest to hips their naked bodies were pressed into each other. His hand moved a strand of hair away from her face while he stared down at her, as if he was memorizing her as well.
Ezra eventually leaned down and his tongue swept lightly over her lower lip before she captured it, both delving deep into a kiss that muffled their combined sigh when he entered her slowly, inch by inch, allowing her to stretch and accommodate his entire length inside. And it wasn't until then that Aria fully realized how much her body will miss him. A sob became trapped in her throat, which she managed to hide by burying her face on his neck and inhaling his scent deeply, committing it to memory.
Ezra began rolling his hips with ease, which fired light spasms throughout her body and made her legs clench tightly on each side of him. Not unlike any other time together, although somewhat new in urgency, it simultaneously felt like their first time all over again when they thought their relationship was destined to fail.
At first his movements were slow, but their rhythm shifted when his fingers dug into the flesh of her leg and pulled it higher on his waist, causing his thrusts to gain momentum. One in particular was so intense that she tightened her hold around him and her nails scraped his back, leaving half-moon indentations on the skin that would last even after she was gone.
While Ezra moved on top of her, Aria made an inventory of sensations; the certainty of his intimate touches, the smell of his skin as it gleamed with a thin layer of sweat, the taste of his lips when they devoured hers, and his low growls of pleasure in her ear. All of those would become insubstantial with time and distance. So, Aria held on to him as tightly as she could, trapping him in the cradle of her legs for a while longer before her body began shaking once again, a prelude for what was ahead.
His tongue moved along the curve of her neck and captured her earlobe while he continued to grind into her, the thrusts became frantic, lacking rhythm, their kisses were desperate, and Aria sensed he was only holding on to a sliver of control for her sake. All the while, the bed rocked with their combined movement.
Tension coiled where their bodies met when his hand moved down to draw concentric circles on her clit, increasing the friction there while he thrusted into her. It was all that took for her back to arch off the bed and her mouth to hung open in cries shaped with his name. Waves of pleasure came one after another, some more intense than others, but all carried a fire that seemed to consume her entire body.
With one final thrust, Ezra called her name until it morphed into a primal groan of release while she pulsated around him like a small beating heart. Blood seemed to pound in her ears, her lugs burned with the need for air, and she felt utterly intangible at once. They soon became confined in a motionless period of time while his head rested on her chest and she caressed his head lovingly, both buoyant in the afterglow.
After what felt like hours, Ezra mumbled something unintelligible that might have been a confession of love, but before her fogged mind made sense of it, he rolled over and fell limp on the pillow beside her, only mustering enough energy to bring her body closer so she could lay her head on the crook of his neck. Aria sighed with elation then.
The mood shifted significantly, being no longer merely sexual. In the silence that followed, love and pain felt one and the same when the bittersweet reality descended upon them.
"Loving you was never a mistake." Her lips moved in a whisper just above his heart.
The man that was able to fill an entire book with carefully crafted thoughts was seemingly speechless. Ezra swallowed hard before kissing her forehead, and the tightening of his arms pulling her even closer was the only reply he managed.
Aria remained awake long after his breathing became regular, feeling like time was running out on them. She wanted to rewind the clock back to that day at the bar and relieve their moments together despite all the heartache. But even if she had that power, they were always bound to end up here because their days had been numbered since they met. All her delusions of high school romances lasting for a lifetime were no more than fantasies of a teenage mind. The past three years had been far from normal, having a secret relationship with a teacher and being harassed by a deranged person was not year book material. Ezra was right about her need to experience a normal life without him, though it didn't hurt them any less. He was, after all, a sucker for tragic love stories and Aria briefly wondered if he would put theirs on paper one day.
Sometime before sunrise, Ezra stirred under her, laughing softly in his sleep, and she would have done the same if her heart was not breaking in half. It was then that her eyes filled with tears of resigned longing and she finally allowed them to silently flow onto his chest.
Ezra's eyes opened slowly to the mid-morning sun bursting through the windows and he blinked, bleary eyed, until they adjusted to the bright light. Disoriented for a moment, he reached out on impulse but found only emptiness beside him. Last night might have been a dream, another one, if it were not for the lingering warmth of her body on the rumpled sheets. All at once, her absence became unbearable.
He laid still for a while longer, accompanied only by the memories of her presence, before peeling his exhausted body from the bed to face the first day of many without her.
Aria was gone, she took his heart along with her and left only a trace of her scent behind.
