Author's Note – When I wrote the first "The Night Before," I didn't realize it would lead to a trilogy! This third, mild M installment was actually inspired by an 'Anne of Green Gables' fanfic I read called "The Ask" by lollercakes. Although that story is set in the modern day, it got me to thinking... and this is the result. So even though she's not a DQMW fan, this is dedicated to her.
Disclaimer – DQMW characters 'aint mine. Never said they were.
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It was Wolf who alerted him that he was no longer alone, the faithful companion raising his head, ears pricked forward, a small whine escaping. The animal didn't respond any more than that, however, indicating that whatever – or whoever – it was, they were friend, not foe. Then he heard it for himself, the distinct footfalls of a horse approaching.
He had been staring into the flames of the small campfire, unable to sleep. Tomorrow his life would change. Drastically. Irrevocably. For a long time, he had thought he would never give up his singular, isolated life in the woods. He had thought after the deaths of his wife and infant daughter he would never again find the love and joy in his heart to want to give it up. But he had found happiness again, in one head-strong, intelligent, compassionate and cultured lady doctor from Boston. They had been through so much together to reach this point. And tomorrow… tomorrow he would finally be able to do what he had been longing to do these many months while their wedding day inched closer and closer - become one with his heartsong.
And now she was here?
"Michaela." Sully rose to his feet. "What is it? Is it the children?"
She was touched by his concern and hadn't realized she would alarm him this way. "No, no," she reassured him quickly. "It's not the children. It's not an emergency. It's… it's something else." She dismounted, and Sully led Flash to a tree to secure the reins, preventing the horse from wandering off.
Michaela stood at the fire in front of his lean to, the dancing flames the only light on the ground. Had it not been for the moon in the sky, easing her way, she would have been lost out here. Yet, in a way, she was already lost. Lost to him, lost to the powerful pull of their love. She hadn't known it could be that powerful, that overwhelming. She hadn't felt this way with David, her former fiancé. That love had been a congenial love, a polite love. Back then, she hadn't known there could be any other kind. But with Sully… everything was different. Sully challenged her. Sully pushed as much as he pulled. Sully opened her eyes, then proceeded to open her heart to love again, only this time, that love was a raging river of desire compared to David's babbling brook of affection.
It frightened her, the idea of being swept along by that current of desire. They were to be married tomorrow, but how would she be able to swim?
Sully returned to her side. "What brings you here?"
It was a reasonable question. Did she have a reasonable answer? It had seemed so, back at the old homestead. Yet, here, now, with him, it seemed simultaneously brazen and foolish. She had spoken with Dorothy, consulted her books, and it had not felt like enough. Thus, it was an idea born of desperation, nurtured by something he'd once said. "I wanted to see you."
He smiled lightly. Michaela had been highly reserved in the early months of their courtship, having all sorts of fears and notions about what was and wasn't proper. Gradually she had opened up to him, letting him kiss her more often than she used to, letting him freely express affection for her with gentle caresses or holding her close. A year ago, she never would have made a trip alone in the dark to see him unless there had been some sort of crisis for which she needed his help. The fact that she was here now without such motivation spoke volumes of the progress she'd made.
Though the timing was odd.
"You just saw me a short while ago. And I thought we'd be seein' each other again in the mornin'. Word is, you'll be the one in white."
"Yes, I know. That's… that's not what I meant." She turned away from him then, stepping closer to the lean to. Wolf followed her with his eyes but remained as he was, sensing no urgency in her movements.
Sully waited by the fire. If she was having trouble verbalizing what this was about, then it most likely had to be about intimacy, a topic that always caused her consternation. It was highly ironic, a doctor with a thorough knowledge of the human body being so uncomfortable talking about certain aspects of the human body. He understood it wasn't something discussed in polite company, but even when they were alone, she had been hesitant to even go near the subject.
"Michaela?" he prompted gently.
Still not able to look him in the eye, she forced out the answer. "I wanted to see… well, I was hoping to see, before we're married, what you… what look like, so I would know…"
He understood immediately, both what she was asking and why she found it difficult to ask. It went against every rule of propriety she had been taught to believe, and yet, it was so her, the need to know as much as possible.
Sully silently applauded her courage at asking, but again, he found it odd. "I thought from your doctorin' you already knew what men look like."
"I do," she admitted, finally turning around to face him. "It's just…" Michaela gathered herself, assuming a professional demeanor to get the words out. "It's just that I've never seen one… excited."
He swallowed thickly then at the full weight of her request. It wouldn't be a matter of merely stripping off his clothes. He would need to let himself show how much he coveted her – a primal urge that until now he'd been suppressing in her presence. He thought he'd have to wait another day to discard his self-restraint, but here she was, asking him to move up the timetable slightly, though he had assured her that they would take things slow tomorrow.
Was this her idea of slow then, getting a preview of coming attractions?
Maybe it was. Maybe this was her way of having some semblance of control over tomorrow's events, to see him in that state ahead of time. After all, almost everything else about their wedding had been taken out of her control thanks to her mother's meddling, and Sully was also aware that Elizabeth had further disappointed by flatly refusing Michaela's request to walk her down the aisle. Added to that were Michaela's insecurities about consummating their marriage, about removing that final barrier between them. Was it any wonder, then, that she would look for something, anything, to restore her sense of control? If he could give that to her, shouldn't he do it?
He stared out into the night, considering. The alternative was to refuse to do it, but how could he refuse? When Brian had started asking questions and looking at the illustrations in her medical book, Sully had told her that it was natural to be curious, that sneaking glances of the opposite sex was normal. Well, here she was, effectively asking his permission to sneak a glance. If he refused to do this, not only would he feel like a hypocrite, but she might then think she could never make an intimate request of him again – and he wholeheartedly did not want her to feel that way.
"All right," he finally agreed. Sully walked up to her, placed a hand to her cheek, the other hand to her back, and lowered his head. His mouth covered hers, and he began kissing her.
Or tried to.
"How long do you have to kiss me before…"
He should have known this wouldn't be as straightforward as simply letting himself become excited. "I don't have a watch, Michaela. It just happens."
Her eyes grew wide in alarm. "You mean that time we were with the Reverend in church, and we were kissing, you..."
"'Course not!" he said firmly. "I've never let it happen before."
"'Let it happen?' You mean you can control it? How?"
He couldn't help but smile slightly. For all her book learning, there were some things she remained innocent about – things she wouldn't remain innocent about for very much longer. "Because it's not just the kissin'. What I'm thinkin' about is important, too."
"Oh." She paused a moment before asking, "So, what do you need to think about, to get... excited?"
You have no idea… "I need to be thinkin' about… you…" he said seductively, bringing his lips closer to hers again. "And only you… and not about answerin' questions." He captured her mouth, signaling he was done talking, and let his mind finally roam to the fantasies that until now he'd indulged in only when he was safely by himself. The list was a long one: about removing her clothes, about touching her virginal skin, about generating that moist heat between her thighs, about watching her naked body undulate underneath him, about hearing her sighs and moans, about tasting her…
Sully felt his buckskins tightening, the images pairing for the very first time with the always-enjoyable sensation of kissing her. He restrained himself from pressing his hips against hers, not wanting to shock his bride at just how easily he could become excited by her. Eventually, he pulled back a little bit and took her hand to place it over the bulge. She hadn't asked to touch him, but since he was going to grant her a glimpse, he might as well let her sample a touch, too. There was no harm in a touch so long as his pants provided a protective shield.
"Feel that?" he murmured.
"Sully…" she breathed, looking into his eyes. Michaela could hardly believe she was doing this, feeling this. How was it possible that Michaela Quinn of Beacon Hill was feeling her fiancé's erection before their wedding night? If anyone else knew… but no one would know. They were alone, completely alone… and that itself was cause for scandal, let alone what her hand was doing right now! She hadn't considered touching him, but now that she was, she found her medical instincts kick in, heightening her curiosity about what this looked like.
After a moment Sully moved her hand off to the side. "Do you still need to see?" he asked in a low voice, giving her a chance to change her mind.
His thoughtfulness in this moment, making sure she really wanted this to happen, reminded her again of why she'd fallen in love with him. He wasn't just strong and handsome. He was brave and loyal, kind and caring… and would do almost anything for her. Well, anything except wear a wedding ring. She smiled inwardly at that last thought. And it prompted her to give a light-hearted answer. "If it's not too much trouble."
He was startled by the confident tone of her response. Then again, once Michaela set her mind to something, she tended to stick with it. He spotted Wolf over her shoulder, still casually lying there, confirming that they were still alone. Sully returned his eyes to hers. He kissed her again and instructed, "Don't move."
He took a few steps back, out of arm's reach, and promptly removed his shirt. If she was going to see him, she might as well see all of him. She'd already seen most of him anyway tending to his various injuries. Tonight, she'd be filling in the rest of the picture – a preview of tomorrow.
As directed, Michaela stood rooted to the spot as Sully removed his shirt. She hadn't asked him to do that but guessed it simply felt more natural to him to remove that first out of habit. And then she watched as he unfastened his buckskins and let them slide down his legs, exposing himself to her for the first time.
The only sound was the crackling of the campfire as Michaela took in her fill. Sully was large, but not unexpectedly so. She found that having him standing there, undressed but not expecting her to do the same, to be a tremendous relief. She could look at him all she wanted, and it wasn't nerve-wracking at all. It even felt a little empowering. Part of her now wished she could approach him to examine him more closely but reminded herself that tonight was for looking only. There would be plenty of opportunity to touch tomorrow, when he, of course, would also be touching her…
The color rose in her cheeks at the thought. She needed to return her focus to him.
"Is it uncomfortable for you to be... upright like that?" she asked finally.
"No." As a matter of fact, Sully was finding it an exquisite torture, being free of the buckskins and having her look at him this way – the way he had hoped she would look at him, with interest and not with trepidation. Unfortunately, the desire to close the distance between them and start kissing her again increased with every second he stood there. For both their sakes, he fought the urge to do something other than simply resemble a statue, balling his hands into fists.
Michaela noticed his hands fisting and wondered if Sully really was all that comfortable, standing here this way despite his reassurance. She couldn't imagine it was all that common for a man to become excited and then deliberately stop the process before its completion. From a strictly physiological standpoint she knew he didn't need to continue and finish, but the biological urge to do so would still be there. She wished she had thought of that before making her request. It must be taking Sully a great deal of effort not to continue kissing her and complete the act. Of course, he could still find release later without her if he wished, though the practice was generally frowned upon. Would he be doing that once she left? She wanted to ask but found she couldn't, suddenly feeling guilty and selfish at having used him like a trained circus animal to calm her nerves about tomorrow.
Abruptly, she announced, "Thank you, Sully." And with that, she purposefully turned her back on him, indicating she'd seen enough.
Sully bent down to pull his buckskins back on. He would have preferred not to for a short time, as he had found it terribly tight a few moments ago, but he didn't want to continue to stand around naked either – not while she was still around.
Once his pants were back in place, Sully stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He had seen her expression change from interest to what appeared to be embarrassment. Was she now feeling remorse about coming to him tonight? Had her initial fascination given way to shame over wantonly discarding propriety? "Michaela… it's all right. You've done nothin' wrong here. I'm glad you gave me the chance to show you how much my body loves you. It was the one part of me I couldn't share with you before. Thanks for lettin' me share it tonight."
Michaela relished his words, his understanding. She turned to face him once more. "I love you, Sully."
"I love you, Michaela." He took her in his arms, hugging her briefly. "You best be gettin' on home. I don't want the bride to look tired on her weddin' day."
"Nor I the groom," she managed to reply. They went over to Flash where Michaela mounted and took up the reins. "Good night, Sully."
"'Night, Michaela."
Sully let out a long breath as he watched her leave, then went to grab his shirt from where he'd dropped it on the ground, taking it over to his lean-to. Once at the sparse structure, he promptly removed the buckskins again and laid down on the soft, warm elk fur. He then did what he knew he had to in order to get any sleep tonight. Michaela's visit had even generated a new fantasy for him. Before, he'd always pictured being with his wife in a traditional setting, enclosed by walls. Now, he envisioned joining with her here, in the woods, enveloped by Mother Earth. Taking himself in hand, he fixated on this new imagery until reaching the end, letting out a groan of immense relief.
Wolf pricked up his ears at a sound, and Sully quickly looked around but saw nothing. Wolf made no other movement, and Sully relaxed, cleaning himself off and extinguishing the fire before covering himself up and drifting off into a deep slumber.
And in the woods, at the very moment Wolf had alerted, Michaela resumed her journey home, having had her eyeful of her husband-to-be.
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